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THE    AUTHOR. 


THE 


NEW    PURCHASE; 


OR, 


CO 

BY 

ROBERT  CARLTON,  ESQ. 


•'ALTER   ET   IDEM. 
PER  MITLTAS  ADITUM  8IBI  S^PE  FIGURA8   EEPPERIT 


ILLUSTRATED    BY    MOMBERGER. 


THIRD       EDITION,     REVISED     BY     THE     AUTHOR 


TWO    VOLUMES     IN    ONE. 


J  X  0  .     R .     N  U  N  E  M  A  C  H  E  R . 

NEW     YORK:— D.     APPLETON      AND      CO. 

PHILADELPHIA  : J.    B.    LIPPINCOTT    &    CO. 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1855, 

BY  JNO.  E.  NTTNEMACHER, 

In  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  United  States  for  the 
District  of  Indiana. 


Priutcd  and  Stereotyped  by  BILLIN  &  BROTHER,  No.  20  North  William  Street,  N.  Y. 


PREFACE  TO  THE  SECOND  EDITION. 


THE  Eev.  C.  Clarence  having  removed  from  Som- 
whersburg  to  Somwherelse,  and  E.  Carlton,  Esq.,  having, 
at  the  same  time,  eschewed  authorship,  the  writer  of  this 
Preface,  who  has  been  guilty  of  doing,  "  Frank  Free- 
man,"— "  Teaching  a  Science," — "  A  New  Latin  Gram- 
mar,"— and,  indeed,  "  Something  for  Everybody  ;"  and, 
who,  when  authors  become  scarce,  may  do  more  in  the 
writing  line,  is  induced,  "for  a  consideration,"  to  intro- 
duce the  New  Purchase  to New  Purchasers. 

From  complete  knowledge  of  all  matters,  and  from 
personal  acquaintance  with  the  Dramatis  Personoe, — ex- 
pressed or  implied — quadrupedal  or  bipedalic — the  writer 
being  a  competent  witness,  now  averreth  the  substantial 
and  not  rarely  the  literal  truth  of  this  Book  in  its  many 
individualities  and  genericals. 

Although  published  near  the  noon  of  the  Yellow  Li- 
terature Day,  the  First  Edition  of  the  Work  was  all 
immediately  sold  and  at  a  high  price  ;  but  the  "  Patrons" 
of  Native  American  Authors  with  or  without  a  genius, 
being  few,  and  the  Mass-men  resolving  to  devour  only  a 

M649597 


4  PREFACE     TO     THE     SECOND     EDITION. 

Penneth  of  Book  at  a  time,  or  at  most  a  York-Shilling 
worth,  the  good  books  were  withheld  from  the  market. 
But,  now,  the  Writer  having  repeatedly  assured  inquirers 
that  the  Book  would,  in  time,  be  re-published,  "takes 
this  method  of  informing  Mr.  Carlton's  friends,"  who 
keep  on  wondering  "  where  on  earth  the  Purchase  is  to  be 
found,"  stores  and  stalls  having  been  rummaged  in  vain, 
that  it  can  be  obtained  at  New  Albany,  Louisville,  Cincin- 
nati, "Woodville,"  and  " Timberopolis,"  out  there;  and 
in  New  York,  Philadelphia,  and  Boston,  in  here;  and, 
indeed,  at,  in,  and  near  all  intermediate  and  out  of  the 
way  places,  of  Booksellers particularly  and  generally. 

Moreover,  as  the  New  Purchase  is  improved  and  hath 
"picters  to  match,"  or  in  Uncle  Tommy's  language,  is 
"illusterated ;"  and  is  cheaper  and  therefore  better,  it  is 
now — (handsomely  dressed  in  cloth) — bound — to  sell. 
But  still  the  Book  is  essentially  the  same,  and,  indeed — a, 
little  more  so. 

Mr.  Clarence  wishes  the  Dead  Language  on  the  Title 
Page  to  be  waked  up;  but  Mr.  Carlton  has  misgivings 
whether  it  would,  even  then  talk  any  better ;  and  whether 
it  would  be  prudent  to  unlock  secret  doors  to  the  privacy 
of  Colonel  Wilmar,  Bishop  Shrub,  Harwood,  Uncle 
Tommy,  Sylvan,  Allheart,  and  others.  And  he  fears,  if 
folks  are  cautioned  about  the  traps  set  to  snare  them  into 
goodness,  lest  they  step  so  dextrously  through  the  Vo- 
lume as  to  evade  them  all.  The  clerical  influence  over 
Mr.  Carlton  inclined  him  ever  to  wish  well  to  his  readers ; 
so  that  while  willing  these  should  "  laugh  and  grow  fat," 


PREFACE     TO     THE      SECOND     EDITION.  5 

he  hoped  also,  they  would  be  merry  and  become  wise. 
However,  by  way  of  compromise,  the  readers  of  the 
common  school  are  informed  that — "Alter  et  idem"  means, 
— ^u  pretty  much  of  a  muchness"  or  in  better  Saxon — "  Six 
of  one  and  half  a  dozen  of  the  other"  The  other  lines 
may  be  rendered — "Being  crafty  he  catches  with  guile!" 
And  these  are  the  freest  translations  we  are  at  liberty  to 
giv* 

In  time,  perhaps,  a  Key  may  be  forged  for  the  Lock. 
It  is  hoped,  however,  none  but  Masters  will  ever  get  in, 
or  advanced  Students  afflicted  with  Cacoethes  Scribendi;  as 
such  only  will  understand  how  out-of-the-way  matters 
can  be  turned  to  good  account,  and  how  a  Man  may  use 
a  liberty  without  abusing  it. 

B.  E.  HALL, 

AUTHOR,  Pro.  Tern. 
BROOKLYN,  1855. 


THE    NEW    PURCHASE. 


CHAPTER    1. 

THE    JOURNEY. 
"  Oh  !  young  Lochinvar  is  come  out  of  the— WEST." 

To  persons  of  tender  sensibilities  and  ardent  enthusiasm,  the 
West  is  a  land  of  beautiful  visions ;  while  its  gorgeous  clouds, 
like  drapery  around  the  golden  sunsets,  is  a  curtain  veiling 
other  and  more  distant  glories.  Such  persons  are  not  insen- 
sible to  worldly  advantages,  yet  they  abandon  not  the  East 
from  the  love  of  gain :  but  are  rather  evoked  by  a  potent,  if  an 
imaginary  spirit,  resident  in  that  world  of  hoary  wilds.  From 
the  prairie  spreading  its  grassy  and  flowery  plains  to  meet  the 
dim  horizon ;  from  the  river  rolling  a  flood  across  half  a  conti- 
nent ;  from  the  forest  dark  and  venerable  with  the  growth  of 
many  centuries,  come,  with  every  passing  cloud  and  wind,  the 
words  of  resistless  invitation ;  till  the  enchanted,  concealing  the 
true  causes,  or  pretending  others,  depart  for  the  West.  They 
are  weary  of  a  prosaic  life ;  they  go  to  find  a  poetic  one. 

To  much  of  this  day-dreaming  spirit  is  the  world  indebted 
for  the  author's  sojourn  of  seven  and  a  half  years  in  a  part  of 
what  was,  at  the  time  of  this  journey,  the  FAR  WEST.  In  early 
boyhood,  Mr.  Carlton  was  no  ordinary  dreamer :  nay,  in  the 
sunshine,  as  by  moonlight,  shadows  of  branching  antlers  and 


8  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

flint-headed  arrows  fell  across  his  path,  as  visionary  deer  bounded 
away  before  the  visionary  hunter.  At  school,  a  boy  of  kindred 
soul  occupied  the  adjacent  seat ;  and  this  boy's  father  had  left 
him,  as  was  then  believed,  countless  acres  of  rough  mountains 
and  woods  undesecrated  by  civilized  feet.  How  far  away  this 
sylvan  territory  may  have  been,  was  never  asked,  it  being  any 
where  near  enough  and  easy  of  access  to  day-dreamers ;  for  we 
had  actually  devised  a  plan  to  steal  off  secretly  at  some  favour- 
able moment  and  find  a  joyous  life  in  that  forest  elysium. 
Before  the  external  eye  lay,  indeed,  Dilworth,  his  columns  of 
spelling  in  dreadful  array  of  single,  double,  and  treble  files,  and 
surrounded  by  dog-ears  curling  up  from  the  four  corners  of  the 
dirt-stained  page ;  but  the  inner  eye  saw  them  not.  And  if  OUT 
lips  moved,  it  was  not  to  call  over  the  names  of  the  detested 
words ;  no,  it  was  in  mysterious  whispers : — we  were  wrapt 
in  a  vision,  and  talked  of  bark  huts  and  bows  and  arrows,  and 
were  setting  dead-falls  and  snares,  and  arranging  the  most  feasi- 
ble plans  for  the  woods  and  the  mountains. 

Such  talks  would,  indeed,  begin,  and  for  a  while,  continue,  so 
like  the  inarticulate  buzz  and  hum  of  an  old-fashioned  school- 
boy "  getting  by  heart,"  as  to  awaken  no  suspicion  in  Master 
Strap.  As  enthusiasm,  however,  kindled,  tones  became  better 
defined  and  words  more  articulate.  Then  ensued,  first  a  very 
ominous  and  death-like  stillness  in  all  parts  of  the  school-room 
except  ours,  and  then — the  sudden  touch  of  a  wand  that  broke  a 
deep  spell,  and  alas!  alas!  awoke  us  to  our  spelling!  Poor 
children  !  we  cried  then  for  pain  and  disappointment.  The 
hour  came  when  we  shed  more  bitter  tears  at  sorer  disappoint- 
ments, and  in  a  severer  school !  Even  as  I  write  there  is  a 
thrill  of  boyhood  in  my  soul ;  and  in  despite  of  philosophy  tears 
are  trembling  in  my  eyes — as  if  the  man  wept  for  the  crushed 
hopes  of  the  boy  ! 

Experience  may  curb  our  yearning  towards  the  earth ;  yet 
even  amidst  the  longings  after  the  things  that  eye  hath  not 
seen,  there  do  remain  hungerings  and  thirstings  after  a  possible 
and  more  perfect  earthly  state.  At  the  dawn,  therefore,  of 
manhood,  Mr.  Carlton  still  hoped  to  meet  in  the  Far  West 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  9 

visions  embodied,  although  pictured  in  softer  lights  and  graver 
colours.  Shortly,  then,  after  our  marriage,  in  the  first  quarter 
of  the  present  century,  after  the  honey-moon,  indeed,  but  still 
within  the  "love  and  cottage"  period,  Mrs.  Carlton  was  per- 
suaded to  exchange  the  tasteless  and  crowded  solitude  of 
Philadelphia,  for  the  entrancing  loneliness  of  the  wilds,  and 
the  promenade  of  dead  brick  for  the  living  carpet  of  the  natural 
meadow. 

Having  no  immoveables,  and  our  moveables  being  easily 
transmuted  into  baggage,  preparation  was  speedily  made ;  and 
then  hands  were  grasped  and  cheeks  kissed,  alas!  for  a  long 
adieu  : — for  when  we  returned  with  sober  views  and  chastened 
spirits,  these,  our  first  and  best  loved  friends,  were  sought, 
but 

"  They  were  not." 


CHAPTER   II. 

"Who  goes  there?— A  friend." 

THE  stages  of  that  day  wore  no  boots.  In  place  of  that 
leathern  convenience,  was  a  cross-barred  ornament  projecting 
from  the  rear  to  receive  the  baggage.  This  receptacle  was 
called  .the  "Rack."  From  its  wonderful  adaptation  for  the 
utter  demolition  of  what  it  received,  it  was  originally  named 
"  Wreck ;"  and  this  word,  in  passing  through  the  ordeal  of  vul- 
gar pronunciation,  being  called  "  Wrack,"  having  lost  its  "  W," 
remained,  what  indeed  it  so  much  resembled — the  Rack.  In 
binding  Mrs.  Carlton's  trunk  to  this  curious  engine  of  torture, 
the  porter  broke  the  rope;  and  the  trunk  falling  down,  the 
articles  within,  in  spite  of  an  old  lock  and  a  rotten  strap,  burst 
from  their  confinement  and  were  scattered  over  the  street.  The 
porter  was  very  prompt  in  gathering  the  articles  and  securing 
the  lid,  and  as  some  compensation  for  his  blunder  and  its  con- 


10  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

sequences,  refused  the  usual  fee  of  the  wheel-barrow  service. 
Of  course  he  received  thanks  for  his  generosity  instead  of  re- 
bukes for  negligence :  but  on  inspecting  afterwards  our  trunk, 
the  absence  of  a  purse  containing  seven  dollars,  and  of  a  silver 
cup  worth  twice  as  much,  awakened  suspicions  of  less  honourable 
cause  for  the  porter's  conduct. 

Here  then  were,  at  the  outset,  treachery  and  theft ;  but  there 
was  present  a  believing  spirit  mingling  sweetness  with  the  worm- 
wood. Were  we  not  actually  on  our  way  to  the  land  of  vision ! 
Surely  no  such  baseness  there !  The  sanctity  of  that  Far  West 
is  inviolate ! 

Our  stage  was  most  judiciously  filled  with  three  tiers.  The 
lower  tier  was  composed  of  saddle-bags,  valises,  small  trunks 
and  carpet-bags ;  the  second,  of  human  beings  supported  upright 
by  an  equal  squeeze  on  all  sides ;  arid  then,  on  the  condensed 
laps  of  the  living  tier,  rested  the  third  tier,  made  up  of  extra 
cloaks,  band-boxes  and  work-baskets,  several  spare  hats  in  paste- 
board cases,  half  a  dozen  canes  and  umbrellas,  and  one  fowling- 
piece  done  up  in  green  baize.  Notwithstanding  the  great  fe- 
licity'of  this  arrangement,  the  inquietude  of  the  upper  and  lower 
tiers  when  the  stage  started,  occasioned  in  the  sentient  tier  some 
inarticulate  growling  and  a  little  half-smothered  cursing ;  which 
crusty  symptoms,  however,  presently  yielded  to  a  good-natured 
laugh  at  the  perseverance  with  which  Mr.  Brown  remained  on 
a  French  gentleman's  foot,  through  a  misapprehension  of  a  very 
polite  and  indirect  request  not  to  stand  there — a  laugh  in  which 
the  parties  themselves  joined. 

Our  driver  had  given  the  signal,  when  away  dashed  the  horses ; 
and  then  commenced  the  inconsiderate  restlessness  of  the  inter- 
nal baggage  and  the  ill-concealed  growling  of  the  passengers. 
But  at  the  end  of  a  few  squares  the  stage  stopped  at  a  hotel ; 
when  the  door  of  the  vehicle  being  instantly  opened,  the  space 
was  filled  with  the  head  and  shoulders  of  Mr.  Brown,  who  began 
as  follows : — 

"  Ladies  and  gentlemen,  you  seem  to  be  full  in  here,  I  sup- 
pose it  is  no  use  to  be  looking  for  my  seat  in  the  dark — " 

"  Sare" — responded,  evidently  by  the  accent,  a  Frenchman, 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  11 

and  in  a  most  complaisant  and  supplicatory  tone — "  Sare,  do  not 
you  know  my  foote  is  under  yours  V 

"No,  sir," — replied  Mr.  Brown,  standing  up  as  well  as  he 
could  in  the  stage,  and  feeling  about  for  some  space. 

"  Sare,  do  not  you  know  my  foote  is  under  yours  ]" — voice 
higher  and  quicker. 

"  No,  sir,  I  don't," — surprised,  but  not  budging. 

"Sare,  do  you  not  know  my  foote  is  under  yours?" — on  the 
octave,  and  getting  higher  and  more  emphatic. 

"  O  !  I  beg  your  pardon,  sir, — do  you  mane  I'm  raelly  tread- 
ing on  your  iful?^  " — without,  however,  moving  off,  but  consider- 
ately waiting  for  information. 

"Yes!  sare!  I  do  !" 

"  Oh !  I  beg  pardon,  sir — raelly  I  thought  I  was  standing  on 
a  carpet-bag" — and  then,  satisfied  he  was  wrong  in  his  conjec- 
ture, and  that  it  was  "  raelly  the  fut,"  Mr.  Brown  instantly  re- 
moved the  aggravating  pressure. 

Our  friends  thus  introduced  by  the  "/oote"  and  the  "fut"  as 
the  gentleman  from  France  and  the  gentleman  from  Ireland, 
were  welcomed  by  no  inaudible  laughter;  in  which  they  also 
participated,  while  at  the  moment  the  door  was  violently 
slammed,  and  that  instantly  followed  by  a  startling  crack  of  the 
impatient  whip.  This  was  of  great  advantage  to  Mr.  Brown,  as 
it  helped  him  to  a  seat  somewhere ;  although  from  some  peevish 
expressions,  he  must  have  alighted  on  other  quarters  as  well  as 
his  own.  All  outcries  and  growlings,  however,  occasioned  by 
hats  and  bonnets  innocently  dashed  into  neighbouring  faces,  or 
by  small  trunks  unable  to  keep  their  gravity,  and  elastic  sticks 
and  umbrellas  that  rubbed  angrily  against  tender  ancles  or  poked 
smartly  into  defenceless  backs,  all  were  drowned  in  the  rattling 
thunder  of  the  rolling  wheels;  and  the  tiers,  rather  loosely 
packed  at  first,  were  soon,  by  the  ferocious  and  determined 
jerking  and  plunging  of  the  vehicle,  shaken  into  one  compact 
quiescent  and  democratical  mass. 

Unsuccessful  attempts  then  came  to  sustain  a  general  talk  on 
the  weather,  the  time  of  reaching  the  breakfast,  the  hour  of  the 
night,  and  the  like  novel  and  interesting  topics ;  the  questions 


12  THE      NEW      PUR CHASE. 

« 

being  commonly  put,  and  the  replies  hazarded  by  six  or  eight 
voices  together,  and  in  as  many  intervals  of  pitch,  from  the 
grumbled  bass  to  the  most  tremulous  and  piteous  treble.  To 
these  succeeded  equally  abortive  efforts  to  sustain  duos  and 
trios,  till  the  whole  performance  became  a  solo.  The  performer, 
when  day  peeped  in  upon  us,  proved  to  be  a  middle-aged  and 
corpulent  lady,  who  sang  out  in  a  very  peculiar  and  most  pene- 
trating tone ;  herself  both  asking  and  answering,  often  categori- 
cally, but  for  the  most  part  in  the  "  guess  and  may  be"  style  of 
recitative.  Encouraged  by  the  silence  of  the  company,  the  lady 
at  length  in  the  same  lofty  strains  sang  out  portions  of  her  own 
history,  introducing  the  pleasing  variations  of  "  may-be-it-would" 
and  "  may-be-it-wouldn't" — "  I  guessed  and  he  guessed" — and 
"  says  I  and  says  he,"  etc.  The  burden,  however,  of  the  piece 
was  this  : — it  was  her  first  trip  to  the  city,  although  from  a  little 
girl  she  had  lived  within  thirty  miles — but  her  mother  could 
never  spare  her — and  when  she  married  Jacob,  her  and  him 
could  never  leave  home  together,  and  Jacob,  he  would  never 
let  her  go  alone  by  herself,  being  "  right  down  sarten  she'd 
never  come  back  again  alive  or  without  some  of  her  bones 
broken." 

Soon,  however,  we  began  to  go  "  slowly  and  sadly"  over  the 
Schuylkill  bridge ;  when  something  not  unlike  snoring  admon- 
ished the  lady  of  our  seeming  inattention,  and  her  musical  nar- 
rative suddenly  ceased,  like  the  sudden  holding  .up  of  a  hard 
rain :  and  then  all  were  quickly  either  practising  sleep  at  ran- 
dom, or  with  troubled  thoughts  wandering  to  the  absent  or  in- 
dulging fitful  dreams  of  the  future. 

Morning  revealed  by  degrees  the  incumbents,  and  in  very  im- 
posing attitudes.  For  instance,  there  was  the  Frenchman — his 
head  on  the  Irishman's  shoulder,  and  keeping  pretty  tolerable 
time  to  the  music  of  the  jolting  carriage;  while  the  Irishman, 
revived  now  and  then  by  a  desperate  lurch  extra,  as  in  atone- 
ment for  his  fault,  made  no  attempt  to  be  rid  of  his  burden,  but 
slowly  closing  his  eyes,  nodded  away  with  his  own  head  in  the 
direction  of  our  solo.  But  all  noddings  in  this  book  will  be  in- 
dulged by  the  classic  reader,  who  knows  well  enough : 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  13 

"  Aliquando  bonus  dormitat  Homerus." 

"  The  excellent  Homer  takes  a  nap  now  and  then." 

Fronting  myself  was  a  person  with  hands  holding  to  a  strap 
pendent  from  the  roof,  his  head  inclined  towards  his  breast,  and 
his  hat  fallen  off,  but  intercepted  by  Colonel  Wilmar,  his  sleeping 
neighbour.  This  person,  on  several  elevations  of  his  head,  pre- 
sented a  countenance  that  set  me  to  recalling  past  scenes  and 
associates,  and  I  was  in  a  fair  way  of  making  some  discovery, 
when  all  were  fiercely  jerked  into  wakefulness  by  a  most  unna- 
tural and  savage  plunge  of  the  stage,  followed  on  the  instant, 
like  severe  lightning,  by  an  explosion ;  the  tiers  becoming  all 
vocal  with  "  bless  my  soul's" — u  my  goodnesses  !" — and  vulgar 
"  ouches  !"  Above  all,  however,  sounded  this  pathetic  remon- 
strance in  our  talking  lady's  inimitable  style  : — "  La  !  Mister ! 
if  you  aint  nodded  agin  this  here  right  bran  new  bonnit  of  mine, 
till  I  vow  if  it  aint  as  good  as  spiled  !"  To  this  no  reply  was 
permitted  as  the  horses  suddenly  halted,  and  a  venerable  and 
decent  landlord  having  opened  the  door  of  the  carriage,  requested 
us  to  alight,  adding  that  "  the  stage  breakfasts  here." 

The  live  stock  accordingly  was  unpacked  and  extricated 
from  the  dead,  no  important  damage  being  visible,  except  in 
"  the  bran  new  bonnit ;"  and  sure  enough,  it  was  curiously 
sloped  contrary  to  nature,  with  an  irregular  concave  in  the 
front  and  suitable  enlargements  sideways.  Sceptics  like 
Hume  would  doubtless  have  raised  a  query,  if  the  width  was 
entirely  owing  to  the  noddings  of  the  Irish  gentleman,  or  the 
very  ample  rotundity  of  the  cherry -cheeked  and  good-humoured 
face  expanded  within  the  bonnet ;  but  Mr.  Brown  himself  at 
once  admitted  his  inconsiderate  butting  as  the  cause,  and  with 
every  appearance  of  concern  busied  himself  with  assisting  the 
matron  to  alight  and  looking  after  her  baskets  and  boxes.  This 
so  won  on  her,  that  when  at  the  first  opportunity  Mr.  Brown 
attempted  an  apology  and  condolence,  he  was  interrupted  by 
her  saying — "  Oh !  never  mind  it,  Mister,  it  aint  no  odds  no 
how,  and  1  guess  we  can  soon  fix  it." 

During  our  ablutions  I  caught  the  eye  of  the  stranger  already- 
named,  fixed  with  an  inquiring  look  on  my  face ;  and  then  we 


14  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

both,  towel  in  hand,  gradually  advanced,  yet  embarrassed  and 
hesitating  as  if  both  recollected  the  incident,  "you  thought  it 
was  me  and  I  thought  it  was  you,  and  faith  it's  nather  of  us," 
till,  arrived  at  a  proper  distance,  he  extended  his  hand  and 
hazarded  the  affirmative  inquiry : 

"  If  I  mistake  not  this  is  Robert  Carlton  !" 

My  reply  showed  it  was  each  of  us : 

"  Clarence  !  Charles  Clarence  ! — is  it  possible — is  this  you  ?" 

Reader,  this  Charles  Clarence  was  the  identical  boy  of  the 
adjacent  seat,  whose  enthusiasm  for  bark  cabins  and  forest  life, 
like  my  own,  had  beguiled  us  of  many  a  hateful  lesson,  and 
gained  for  us  many  a  smart  application  of  birch  and  leather 
in  parts  left  defenceless  by  scant  patterns  of  primitive  round- 
abouts ! 

Shortly  after  this,  in  the  parlour  of  the  Warren  tavern,  a 
general  introduction  took  place  among  the  Pittsburg  travel- 
lers :  viz.,  Mr.  Brown,  Mr.  Smith,  Colonel  Wilmar  and  Miss 
Wilmar,  Mr.  Clarence  and  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Carlton ;  who  all,  in  due 
season,  shall  be  more  particularly  introduced  to  our  readers,  as 
the  Party.  At  present  we  must  obey  the  signal  for  breakfast ; 
that  meal  being  really  prepared  for  the  passengers,  although,  by 
metonomy,  it  was  in  old  times  said  to  be  for  the  stage. 


CHAPTER   III. 

"  Hominem  pagina  nostra  sapit." 

"  Our  page  describes  some  gentlemen." 

WHEN  summoned  to  the  stage  by  the  driver's  horn,  it 
seemed  we  had  lost  some  way-passengers,  room  being  thus 
obtained  for  the  lady  of  the  bonnet;  who,  however,  appeared 
wearing  the  old  article,  having,  with  a  corrected  judgment, 
consigned  the  damaged  one  to  the  band-box.  So,  also,  greater 
space  was  found  for  the  French  gentleman's  foot,  who  had, 
from  apprehension  of  cold  or  from  gout,  so  encased  his  pedalic 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  15 

appendages  in  socks  of  carpet-stuff  as  to  lead  a  careless  obser 
ver,  even  by  daylight,  to  mistake  his  feet  for  two  of  the  many 
travelling  bags  on  the  floor.  Opportunity  also  was  afforded 
of  a  more  judicious  disposal  of  various  rubbing,  poking  and 
punching  articles;  so  that,  aided  by  a  good  breakfast  and  a 
morning  cold  but  bright,  we  were  soon  engaged  in  a  conversa- 
tion, general,  easy  and  animated. 

And  now  we  may  properly  proceed  to  introduce  the  gentle- 
men of  the  party.  Please  then,  reader,  notice  first  that  plea- 
sant-looking personage  bowing  so  profoundly,  and  evidently 
anxious  to  win  your  favour.  That  is — hem  ! — that  is  Robert 
Carlton,  Esq.  He  takes  the  opportunity  of  soliciting  your 
company  not  only  for  the  journey  but — all  the  way  through  his 
two  volumes  in  one.  He  would  also  say,  it  is  his  purpose  to 
imitate  Julius  Caesar  occasionally,  and  use  the  third  instead  of 
the  first  person  singular ;  and  to  adopt  now  and  then,  too,  the 
regal  style,  in  employing  nominative  we,  possessive  our  or  ours, 
objective  us.  These  imitations,  it  is  supposed,  will  give  a  very 
pleasing  variety  to  the  book ;  enable  the  author  to  utter  com- 
plimentary things  about  Mr.  Carlton  and  his  lady  with  greater 
freedom ;  and  not  run  so  hard  upon  capital  Fs,  or,  in  technical 
phrase,  not  exhaust  the  printer's  sorts. 

This  next  gentleman  is  my  friend  Mr.  Smith.  Like  so  many 
of  the  name,  he  was  in  all  respects  a  worthy  man,  and  honoured, 
at  the  time,  with  a  high  station  in  the  magistracy  of  Pittsburg. 
Our  party  shared  his  liberal  hospitality  there ;  and  since  that 
hour  we  have  been  quite  partial  to  the  Smiths,  and  their  rela- 
tives the  Smythes.  Happy  partiality  this ;  for  if  all  classed 
and  sorted  under  that  grand-common-proper-noun  take  a  cor- 
responding liking  for  our  author,  where  will  be  the  limit  to  the 
number  of  copies  and  editions  ? 

Ladies  and  gentlemen,  this  is  Mr.  Brown.  He  was  an  Irish 
gentleman,  had  travelled  extensively  in  Europe,  and  had  the 
manners  of  the  best  society.  At  present  he  was  at  the  com- 
mencement of  a  tour  over  the  United  States.  Among  his 
oddities,  not  the  least  was  his  odd  person,  entitling  him  to  Noah 
Webster's  word,  lengthy, — he  appearing  alternately  all  body, 


16  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

when  one  looked  up,  and  all  legs,  when  one  looked  down : — a 
peculiarity  I  am  led  the  more  to  notice,  as  I  found  his  elonga- 
tion very  unfavourable  to  skiff  navigation  on  the  Ohio  river; 
indeed  it  put  us  in  jeopardy,  if  not  of  life,  yet  of  immersion.  In 
spite  of  all  his  reading — Mr.  Boz,  however,  had  not  then  pub- 
lished his  American  Notes — Mr.  Brown  was  remarkably  ignor- 
ant of  our  country,  expressing  unfeigned  surprise  that  our  road, 
only  twenty  miles  from  Philadelphia,  in  place  of  leading  into 
dark  forests  filled  with  wild  beasts  and  naked  savages,  did 
really  run  amid  open  farms  and  smiling;  scenery,  abounding 
with'  domestic  animals  and  civilized  agriculturalists.  Pitts- 
burg  was  his  ultima  Tkule,  beyond  which  he  expected  to  find 
no  place.  Distinguished,  however,  for  his  agreeable  manners 
and  frank  disposition,  cheerfully  confessing  and  laughing  at  his 
own  mistakes,  he  became  of  course  a  universal  favourite. 

Colonel  Wilmar  was,  however,  my  beau  ideal  of  a  gentleman. 
To  a  manly  beauty,  he  had  added  the  qualities  of  good  educa- 
tion and  the  grace  of  many  accomplishments.  He  was  cour- 
teous, brave  and  chivalrous ;  his  attention  to  others  resulting 
from  benevolence  and  not  from  prudence.  Ladies  under  his 
care — and  that,  from  a  knowledge  of  his  character,  was  often 
the  case — were  regarded  by  him  more  as  sisters  having  claims 
on  a  brother's  attentions,  than  as  strangers  committed  to  his 
trust.  With  pleasure  we  thought  such  a  specimen  of  our  citi- 
zens could  be  contemplated  by  Mr.  Brown ;  and  Mr.  Carlton 
rejoiced  that  he  knew  one  worthy  to  live  in  the  land  of  poetry 
and  dreams :  for  the  colonel  was  an  inhabitantof  the  West. 
But  hark  ! — some  one  hails  our  driver,  and  the  stage  stops — 
';  Law  !  bless  my  senses,  if  there  aint  Jacob  in  his  cart  come 
out  for  me  at  the  end  of  our  road  !" — was  the  immediate  excla- 
mation that  burst  from  Mrs.  Bonnet.  The  unexpected  sight  of 
her  husband  and  the  thoughts  of  home — where  we  learned  she 
expected  to  see  "  little  Peggy  " — were  too  powerful  for  the  pru- 
dent resolves  or  secret  awe  that  had,  for  the  last  hour,  kept  our 
dame  silent ;  and  thus  out  rushed  nature's  feelings.  Nor  did 
the  torrent  exhaust  itself  at  one  gushing — it  paused  and  then 
continued  : 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  17 

"  I  vow  I  thought  he'd  a  met  one  at  the  tavern  in  Dowing- 
ton — but  Jacob's  so  monstrous  afeard  of  a  body's  gittin  hurt, 
that  he's  staid  out  here — I  do  wonder  how  he  left  them  all  at 
home?" 

In  the  meantime,  Mr.  Brown,  pleased  with  her  self-satisfac- 
tion, good  nature,  and  forgiving  temper,  had  got  out  and  stood 
receiving  first  the  band-box  containing  the  pummelled  bonnet, 
and  then  aiding  its  owner  to  alight;  for  which  he  received  a 
cordial  "  thankee,  sir,"  and  a  pressing  invitation  to  call  and  see 
her  and  Jacob  if  ever  he  should  be  travelling  that  way  again. 

All  that  could  be  heard  of  the  conjugal  dialogue  was — "  Well 
I  vow,  Jacob,  who'd  a  thought  of  seeing  you  at  our  road  !" — to 
which  was  answered — "  And  so,  Peggy," — the  rest  being  lost 
in  the  renewed  thunder  of  our  wheels.  Jacob  was  evidently 
pleased  to  receive  Peggy  safe ;  and  his  calm  quaker-like  dress 
and  countenance  seemed  to  look  and  say,  he  was  by  no  means 
the  Mercury  or  chief  speaker  in  the  domestic  circle. 

Charles  Clarence  my  new  found  friend  was  an  orphan.  His 
parents  both  had  died,  he  being  scarcely  three  years  old,  leaving 
him,  however,  heir  nominally  to  large  and  valuable  tracts  of 
land.  But  he  succeeded  to  nothing  at  last,  more  valuable  than 
a  very  large  mass  of  useless  papers ;  unless  we  except  some 
trinkets  indicative  of  an  ancient  and  wealthy  family :  and  even 
these  the  sole  mementos  of  departed  parents  were  sacrificed  to 
supply  the  urgent  necessities  of  Clarence,  when  he  found  him- 
self a  deserted  boy.  Some  relatives  did  not  then  know  of  his 
existence — and  some  only  found  it  out  when  he  did  not  need 
either  recognition  or  assistance.  A  maternal  uncle,  however, 
in  the  far  South,  prevented  by  sudden  death  from  adopting  my 
friend  as  a  son,  had  left  him  a  legacy :  and  from  this  he  had 
been  liberally  educated,  with  many  interruptions,  however,  and 
many  distressing  inconveniences,  owing  to  the  interception  of 
his  small  dividends  on  some  occasions  by  dishonest  agents. 

Still  the  apparent  neglect  of  some  relatives,  the  want  of  a 
guardian,  and  other  seeming  evils  had  been  of  service  to  Clarence 
in  giving  stamina  to  his  character,  wanting,  naturally,  in  bone 
and  sinew.  Even  the  interruption  of  his  studies  had  led  to 


18  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

several  voyages  and  journeys  with  peril  indeed,  to  life  and 
health,  but  with  advantage  to  his  mind  and  manners.  His 
fondness,  too,  for  adventure  was  indulged,  and  he  was  rendered 
thus  a  more  interesting  and  instructive  companion  and  friend. 
Sobered,  it  is  true,  by  disappointment  and  grief,  my  friend  was, 
yet  I  found  him  now  sufficiently  sanguine  and  confident  to  ven- 
ture on  enterprises  considered  praiseworthy,  if  one  succeed,  but 
not  so,  if  he  be  unsuccessful.  Indeed,  but  lately  had  he  returned 
from  a  visit  to  the  Falls  of  Niagara ;  in  which,  from  want  of 
money,  he  had  been  induced  to  use  the  vulgar  mare  that  re- 
quired only  rest  and  no  oats — in  other  words,  with  a  knapsack 
on  his  back  he  had,  in  company  with  two  associates,  made  a 
tour,  of  three  hundred  miles  on  foot.  He  had  also  travelled 
many  thousand  miles  in  various  directions  and  in  various  capa- 
cities, so  that  he  abounded  in  anecdotes  and  incidents,  which  he 
could  so  relate  as  to  make  himself  a  companion  for  a  journey 
by  no  means  undesirable.* 

At  this  very  time  Clarence  was  going  to  Kentucky  on  a  very 
grand  adventure  : — he  was  on  his  way  to  be  married.  When 
only  sixteen  years  of  age  he  became  affianced  to  a  maiden, 
whose  family  shortly  after  emigrating  to  the  West,  had  separa- 
ted the  lovers.  But  now  at  the  end  of  seven  years,  during 
which  the  parties  had  never  met,  Clarence  was  going,  as  he  pre- 
tended, to  see  the  family ;  but  in  reality,  reader,  to  marry  his 
sweetheart.  Ladies !  will  you  please  note  this  as  an  offset  to 
instances  of  faithlessness  in  our  sex  1  And  were  not  these  speci- 
mens of  long  cherished  love  and  unbroken  faith  worthy  the 
poetical  land  1 

But  what  lights  in  the  distance  ?     Oh  !  that  is  Lancaster, 

and  there  we  eat  supper  and  change  stages :  excuse  me,  then, 

reader,  we  have  no  time  to  introduce  our  ladies. 

*  *  *  *  *  *  * 

Excepting  monsieur,  we  had  before  stopping  let  out  all  our 
way.  passengers ;  but  fortunately  on  attempting  to  get  into  a 
new  stage,  a  size  less,  we  discovered  enough  new  way  passen- 

*  A  book,  or  at  least  a  lecture,  we  learn,  is  threatened,  founded  on  that  peregrination. 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  19 

gers  not  only  to  take  the  seats  of  the  former  ones,  but  our  seats 
also — so  remarkably  accommodating  were  the  old-fashioned 
accommodation  stages  and  stage  owners !  Alas !  for  us  that 
night !  it  was  before  the  era  of  caoutchouc  or  gum  elastic ! — 
stage-bodies  of  that  could  have  so  easily  become  a  size  larger 
and  a  size  less  as  passengers  got  in  or  out !  Oh !  the  cramming — 
the  jamming — the  bumping  about  of  that  night !  How  we  prac- 
tised the  indirect  style  of  discontent  and  cowardice  in  giving  it 
to  the  intruders  over  the  shoulders  of  stage  owners,  and  agents, 
and  drivers,  and  horses  !  And  how  that  crazy,  rattling,  rickety, 
old  machine  rolled  and  pitched  and  flapped  its  curtains,  and 
walloped  us  for  the  abuse,  till  we  were  all  quashed,  bruised,  and 
mellowed  into  a  quaking  lump  of  passive,  untalking,  sullen 
victims ! 


CHAPTER    IV. 

"  Pshaw  P 

DASHED  away  from  the  hotel  the  stage  with  such  vengeance 
and  mischief  in  the  speed  that  the  shops  ran  backward  in  alarm 
and  lights  streamed  mere  ribbons  of  fire,  as  when  urchins  whirl 
an  ignited  stick  !  Discontent,  therefore,  found  a  present  alle- 
viation in  the  belief  that  such  driving,  by  landing  us  in  Harris- 
burg  speedily,  would  soon  terminate  our  discomforts.  But  the 
winged  horses,  once  beyond  Lancaster,  turned  again  into  hoofy 
quadrupeds  moving  nearly  three  miles  per  hour !  And  then 
the  watering  places  ! — the  warming  places ! — the  letting  out 
places  ! — the  letting  in  places  ! — the  grog  stations  ! — and  above 
all !  the  post-offices  ! — and  oh  !  the  marvellous  multiplication 
of  extra  drivers  ! — and  extra  drivers'  friends ! — and  hostlers  ! — 
it  was  like  the  sudden  increase  of  bugs  that  wait  for  the  dark- 
ness before  they  take  wing  !  And  then  the  flavour  of  the  stable 
considerately  tempered  with  the  smell  of  ginsling  and  apple 
whiskey  ! — both  odours  occasionally  overpowered  by  the  fra- 
grance of  cigars  bought  six  for  a  penny  ! 


20  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

At  first,  so  decided  a  growl  arose  from  the  imprisoned  travel- 
lers whenever  a  cigar  was  lighted,  that  the  smoking  tobacco  was 
at  once  cast  away ;  but  the  rising  of  the  numberless  other 
gases  soon  taught  us  "  of  two  evils  to  bear  the  least,"  and  the 
cigars  were  finally  tolerated  to  the  last  pufF. 

And  then  the  talk  on  the  driver's  seat ! — how  interesting  and 
refreshing  ! — For  instance,  the  colloquies  about  Jake !  and  Ike ! 
and  Nance  !  and  Poll !  The  talk,  too,  first  about  the  horses, 
and  then  the  talk  with  the  horses ;  on  which  latter  occasions  the 
four  legged  people  were  kindly  addressed  by  their  Christian 
names  and  complimented  with  an  encomiastic  flourish  and  cut 
of  the  lash.  To  these  favours  the  answer  was  commonly  an 
audible  and  impatient  swing  of  horse  tails;  sometimes,  how- 
ever, it  came  inform  of  a  sudden  and  malicious,  dislocating 
jerk  of  the  stage;  and  sometimes,  I  am  sorry  to  add,  the  an. 
swer  was  altogether  disrespectful. 

Within  the  den,  the  ominous  pop,  at  irregular  intervals — but 
not  like  angels'  visits  in  number  and  length — and  the  smell  of 
fresh  brandy,  intimated  dealings  with  evil  spirits,  and  that  some 
carried  bacchanalian  pocket  pistols — more  fatal  than  the  powder 
and  bullet  machines  used  in  other  murders  and  suicides.  Olfac- 
tories were  regaled  also  with  essence  of  peppermint,  spicy  gin- 
gerbread, and  unctuous  cold  sausage  ;  such  and  other  delicacies 
being  used  by  different  inmates  to  beguile  hunger  and  tedium. 

At  length  a  jew  pedlar,  with  a  design  of  selling  the  article  as 
well  as  gratifying  a  musical  penchant,  exhibited — not  to  our 
eyes — it  being  Egyptian  night  within — but  to  our  ears,  a  musi- 
cal snuffbox,  if  not  enchanting  yet  certainly  enchanted,  as  it  pos- 
sessed the  art  of  self-winding,  to  judge  from  the  endless  and 
merciless  repetitions  and  alterations  of  the  Copenhagen  Waltz 
and  Yankee  Doodle.  Its  tinkling,  however,  was  ultimately 
drowned  by  a  more  powerful  musician  on  the  driver's  seat. 
This  was  an  extra  driver,  so  wrought  up  by  the  pedlar's  box, 
that  his  feelings  could  be  no  longer  controlled,  but  suddenly  ex- 
ploded with  the  most  startling  effect  in  the  following  exquisite 
lyric  or  ballad.  Perhaps  the  words  were  not  extempore  ;  yet 
from  the  variations  of  the  wondrous  hum-drum  fitted  to  them. 


.THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  21 

and  the  prolongation  and  shortening  of  notes,  and  n,  peculiar 
slurry  way  to  bring  in  several  syllables  to  one  note,  it  may  be 
supposed  our  songster  chose  not  to  halt  or  stump  from  any  de- 
fect of  memory. 


"  Come  all  ye  young  people,  I'm  going  for  to  sing, 
Consarnin  Molly  Edwards,  and  her  lovyer  Peter  King 
How  this  young  woman  did  break  her  lovyer's  heart, 
And  when  he  went  and  hung  hisself  how  hern  did  in  her  smart. 

"  This  Molly  Edwards  she  did  keep  the  turnpike  gate, 
And  travilyers  allowed  her  the  most  puttiest  in  our  state, 
But  Peter  for  a  livin  he  did  fuller  the  drovyer's  life, 
And  Molly  she  did  promise  him  she'd  go  and  be  his  wife. 

"  So  Peter  he  to  Molly  goes  as  he  cums  through  the  gate, 
And  says,  says  he,  oh  !  Molly,  why  do  you  make  me  wait, 
I'm  done  a  drovin  hossis  and  come  a  courtin  you, 
Why  do  you  sarve  me  so,  as  I'm  your  lovyer  true  ? 

"  Then  Molly  she  toss'd  up  her  nose  and  tuk  the  drovyer's  toll, 
But  Pete  he  goes  and  hangs  hisself  that  night  unto  a  pole, 
And  Molly  said,  says  she,  I  wish  I'd  been  his  wife, 
And  Pete  he  comes  and  hanted  her  the  rest  of  all  her  life." 

The  performance,  rapturously  encored  ex  animo  by  the  drivers 
and  some  cognate  spirits  within,  but  mischievously,  it  is  to  be 
feared,  by  Mr.  Carlton,  Colonel  Wilmar  and  the  gentlemen  of 
the  party,  was  handsomely  repeated,  and  then  succeeded  by  other 
poems  and  tunes  equally  affecting,  but  which  we  shall  not  record. 

So  passed  that  memorable  night,  till  at  long,  very  long  last 
we  reached  the  suburbs  of  Harrisburg.  Here,  whether  the 
horses  smelled  oats,  or  the  road  was  better,  or  the  driver  would 
eradicate  doubts  about  his  team,  expressed  by  us  every  half 
mile  lately,  here  we  commenced  going  not  like  thunder  but  cer- 
tainly in  thunder  and  earthquake,  till  in  a  few  moments  the  car- 
riage stopped  at  the  hotel.  And  this  was  where  the  stage  was 
to  sleep  —  but,  alas  !  it  lacked  only  one  hour  of  the  time  when 
we  must  proceed  on  our  journey  anew  !  The  vehicle,  however, 
disgorged  its  cramming  over  the  pavement  ;  and  then,  how  all 
the  people,  with  countless  bags,  boxes,  cloaks,  sticks,  umbrellas, 


22  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

baskets,  bandboxes,  hatboxes,  valises,  etc.,  etc.,  had  been  or 
could  be  again  stowed  in  that  humming-bird's  nest  of  a  stage, 
seemed  to  require  a  nice  geometrical  calculation.  Pack  the  in- 
habitants of  our  globe  stage-fashion  by  means  of  dishonest 
agents  and  greedy  owners,  and  be  assured,  a  less  number  of 
acres  would  serve  for  our  accommodation  than  is  generally  sup- 


It  was  arranged  now  that  our  two  ladies  should  share  one 
bed  at  twenty-five  cents,  and  take  each  twelve  and  a  half  cents' 
worth  of  sleep  in  an  hour,  the  gentlemen  to  snooze  gratuitously 
on  the  settees  in  the  bar-room  ;  and  it  is  wonderful  how  much 
sleep  can  be  accomplished  in  a  short  time  if  it  be  done  by  the 
job  !  Oh  !  it  seemed  cruelty  to  summon  us  from  that  deep  re- 
pose to  renew  the  journey ;  yet,  as  all  our  innumerable  way 
passengers  but  one  had  swarmed  off,  we  had  more  room,  and 
so  were  able  to  nurse  the  ladies  during  the  day  into  some 
uneasy  slumbers  and  to  sleep  off  hand  ourselves,  or  in  other 
words,  without  a  rest. 

"  Pshaw !" 

Pshaw  1 ! 

«  Yes— sir— Pshaw." 


CHAPTER    V. 

"  Tis  distance  lends  enchantment  to  the  view." 

WE  left  Chambersburg,  ourselves  sole  occupants  of  the 
stage  ;  and  by  a  rare  chance  we  remained  sole  occupants  during 
the  remainder  of  our  journey.  And  "  though  we  say  it  that 
hadn't  oughter,"  never  was  a  more  agreeable  party  in  all  re- 
spects than  ours — the  present  company,  viz.,  the  reader  and  the 
author,  excepted.  Among  other  excellencies,  none  of  the  party 
chewed  tobacco,  smoked  tobacco,  spit  tobacco,  drank  alcoholic 
liquors,  or  used  profane  language — evils  that  may  be  separated, 
but  which  are  often  united.  Of  course  no  one  took  snuff,  all 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  23 

being  then  greatly  too  young  for  powdered  tobacco  :  that  very 
appropriately  belongs  to  "the  sere  and  yellow  leaf"  time. 

Not  long  after  sun-rise  we  were  at  the  ascent  of  the  grand 
mountain — a  frowning  rampart,  by  its  rocky  wall  shutting  from 
the  east  that  world  beyond  !  From  the  base  to  the  apex  the 
road  here  ascends  about  four  miles ;  which  ascent  the  gentlemen 
resolved  to  walk  up  : — a  feat  usually  achieved  at  the  first  moun- 
tain, especially  if  the  first  one  was  ever  seen.  To  be  sure  peo- 
ple afterwards  will  walk  when  politely  requested  by  a  good 
natured  driver,  out  of  pity  to  the  poor  brute  horses :  but — 
shame  on  his  poetry  and  romance — Mr.  Carlton  having  in 
subsequent  years  passed  and  repassed  the  mountains  twenty- 
four  times,  used  to  remain  in  the  stage  and  sleep  up  the  ascents ! 
Yet  not  unfrequently  would  he  be  musing  on  the  past,  and  re- 
calling with  smiles  and  tears,  that  delightful  party  and  that  de- 
lightful walk  on  that  sweet  morning,  and  all  the  glorious  visions 
and  castle  buildings  of  that  entrancing  day  ! — gone,  gone,  "  like 
the  baseless  fabric  of  a  dream !" 

The  time  of  the  present  journey  was  late  in  April,  the  nights 
being  often  very  cold,  but  the  days  only  moderately  cool,  and 
sometimes  even  warm.  Snow  lay  in  spots  near  the  summit  of 
the  mountains ;  although  in  places  lying  towards  the  south  and 
east  vegetation  was  in  rapid  progress  :  so  that  nothing  could  be 
more  in  unison  with  our  feelings  than  the  renovated  world  amid 
the  Alleghanies.  Hope  was  springing  so  fresh  and  green  from 
the  decaying  hope  of  boyhood !  and  nature  so  budding  forth 
from  the  deadness  of  winter !  But  sad  !  sad !  if  buds  and  flow- 
ers burst  forth,  they  die  again  and  soon !  And  renovated  hope 
is  renewed  only  for  blighting. 

We  stood  now  on  the  pinnacle  of  the  great  Cove  mountain 
and  were  gazing  on  the  mingled  grandeur  and  beauty  of  the 
scene.  Few  are  unmoved  by  the  view  from  that  top ;  as  for 
myself  I  was !  Was  I  not  on  the  dividing  ridge  be- 
tween two  worlds — the  worn  and  faded  East,  the  new  and 
magic  West  1  And  yet  I  felt,  and  painfully  felt,  that  we  were 
bidding  adieu  to  home  and  entering  on  the  untried :  still,  hope 
was  superior  to  fear,  and  I  was  eager  to  pass  those  other  peaks 


24  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

— some  near  as  if  they  might  be  touched,  and  glorious  with  the 
new  sunbeams,  and  some  sinking  down  away  off  tfll  the  dim 
outline  of  the  farthest  visible  tops  melted  into  hazy  distance  ! 
Years  after  I  stood  on  that  pinnacle  alone  and  the  two  worlds 
were  seen  again — but  no  hopes  swelled  then  into  visions  of 
glory,  at  sight  of  the  dim  peaks ;  no  consolations  awaited  me 
in  my  native  valleys  of  the  East !  Death  had  made  East  and 
West  alike — a  wilderness !  Poor  Clarence  !  did  he  ever  stand 
again,  where  I  noticed  him  standing  that  morning'?  How  buoy- 
ant his  heart !  and  so  melting  with  tender  thoughts,  so  raptured 
with  imaginings  !  Could  it  be? — after  years  of  separation — is 
he  now  hastening  to  one  dearer  to  him  than  the  whole  world 
beside  !  .Will  they  know  one  another  ?  Both  have  changed 
from  childhood  to  maturity — but  why  so  speak  ?  Our  lovers 
ever  thought  each  the  other  unchanged  in  size,  in  look,  in  voice ; 
and  when  they  did  meet  at  last,  they  shed  tears ;  for  while  both 
were  in  all  respects  improved,  both  were  altered,  and  they  were 
no  more  to  love  as  boy  and  girl,  but  as  man  and  woman  ! 

Clarence  saw  no  dark  spectres  in  the  bright  visions  of  that  morn- 
ing j  *  *  *  *  *  * 

Upon  Smith,  long  ago  the  scenes  of  that  other  life  opened ; 
and  doubtless  they  were  of  an  undying  glory,  for 

But  here  comes  the  stage  to  hurry  us  onward  ;  and  so  the 
bustle  of  life  interrupts  serious  meditations  with  the  whirl  of 
cares  and  enterprises. 

We  were  all  once  more  seated  in  the  vehicle,  which  instantly 
darted  upon  the  descent  with  a  velocity  alarming,  and  yet  ex- 
hilarating to  persons  unused  to  the  style  of  a  mountain  driver. 
The  danger  is  with  due  care  less,  indeed,  than  the  appearance  ; 
although  the  sight  of  places  where  wagons  and  stages  are  said 
to  have  tumbled  gigantic  somersets  over  miniature  precipices, 
will  force  one  involuntarily  to  say  in  a  supplicatory  tone  to 
Jehu, — "  Take  care,  driver,  here's  where  that  stage  went  over, 
and  poor  Mr.  Bounce  was  killed !"  To  which  caution  Jehu  re- 
plies— "  Oh  !  no  danger — besides  he  wan't  killed — he  only 
smashed  his  ribs  'gin  that  rock  there,  and  got  his  arm  broke  :" 
and  then  to  quiet  our  fears,  he  sends  forth  his  endless  lash  to 


THE     NEW   PURCHASE.  25 

play  a  curve  or  two  around  the  ears  of  the  prancing  leaders, 
and  with  a  pistol-like  crack  that  kindles  the  fire  of  the  team  to 
fury ;  and  away  they  all  bound  making  the  log  crowning  the 
rampart  of  wall  tremble  and  start  from  its  place  as  the  wheels 
spin  round  within  eight  inches  of  the  dreaded  brink ! 

Thundering  down  thus,  our  stage  dashed  up  the  small  stones 
as  if  they  leaped  from  a  volcano,  and  awaked  the  echoes  of  the 
grim  rocks  and  the  woody  caverns :  while  ill-stifled  "Oh!  my's!" 
and  a  tendency  of  the  ladies  to  counteract,  by  opposite  motions, 
the  natural  bias  of  the  stage  body  for  the  side  way  declivity,  were 
consoled  with  the  usual  asseverations — "  O  don't  be  afraid — no 
danger  !"  But  when  the  horses,  on  approaching  a  sudden  turn 
of  the  road,  seemed,  in  order  to  secure  a  good  offing,  to  shy  off 
towards  the  deep  valley,  and  nothing  could  be  seen  over  the  tips 
of  their  erect  and  quivering  ears,  save  blue  sky,  and  points  of 
tall  trees,  then  the  ladies,  spite  of  rebukes  and  consolations — 
and  one  at  least  of  the  gentlemen — would  stand  tip-toeish,  la- 
bouring, indeed,  to  keep  a  kind  of  smile  on  the  lips,  but  with  an 
irrepressible  "good  gracious — me!"  look  out  of  the  eyes. 
And— 

— But  oh !  what  a  beautiful  village  below  us !  How  neat 
and  regular  the  houses  !  See  !  there's  one  spun  and  woven — 
like  a  Dutch  woman's  petticoat !  "  Petticoat ! !  Mr.  Carlton  7" 
Yes,  petticoat  is  the  word— only  the  stripes  of  the  petticoat  do 
not  run  horizontally,  and  those  of  the  house  do.  I  declare  if 
there  are  not  brick  houses !  and  stone  ones ! — and  how  the 
smoke  curls  up  to  us — we  can  smell  breakfast !  What  noise- 
less streets !  what  green  meadows !  Did  you  ever  see  anything 
so  picture-like — so  like  patchwork?  It  would  be  so  pleasant  to 
live  in  that  nice,  quiet,  snug,  picturesque  village !  "  Mr.  Smith, 
what  place  is  it  7"  Mr.  Smith  smiling,  replied — "  McConnel's- 
town."  McConnel's  town !  oh !  what  a  beauty — there  it  is  hid — 
no — there — look  through  there — where  7 — there — no,  'tis  gone ! 

We  soon  had  reached  the  valley  three  miles  below  the  point 
of  descent ;  and,  as  Jehu  said  it  was  done  at  the  rate  of  twelve 
miles  to  the  hour,  the  reader  being  skilled  in  the  modern  knowl- 
edges, can  calculate  our  time  for  himself.  "  There  is  the  town," 
2 


26  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

said  Mr.  Smith.     Yes !  there  it  was  sure  enough,  as  it  had  never 
budged  since  we  had  first  spied  it ;  but — 

"  Quantum  mutatus  ab  illo  1" 

"  What  a  fall  was  there,  my  countrymen !" 

Is  that  jumble  of  curious  frame,  brick,  log,  and  stone  habita- 
tions our  picture  town  1  Ay  !  truly,  there  is  the  petticoat- 
house,  with  a  petticoat  as  a  curtain  before  the  door,  and  an  old 
hat  or  so  in  the  glassless  sash,  and  fire  light  gleaming  between 
the  logs.  There !  the  door  opens  to  see  us  pass — just  see  the 
children  ! ! — one,  two,  three — nine  at  least,  and  one  in  very  deed 
at  the  breast ! — but  how  dirty  and  uncombed !  Did  you  ever 
see  such  a  set  as  the  scamps  lounging  about  that  tavern  ? — and 
one  reeling  off  drunk,  the  morning  so  fresh  !  See !  that  duck 
puddle  and  swine  wallow  full  of  vile  looking  mud  and  water — 
certainly  it  must  be  sickly  here.  "  Driver,  what  noise  is  that?" 
"  Dogs  fighting."  "  Dreadful ! — Mr.  Smith  what  are  you 
laughing  at  ?"  "  Oh,  nothing — only  I  should  not  like  to  live 
here  as  well  as  some  ladies  and  gentlemen."  And  yet,  reader, 
while  a  near  view  had  dispelled  the  illusion  of  a  distant  pros- 
pect, good  and  excellent,  and  even  very  learned  and  talented 
people  lived  there,  and  yet  live  in  McConnel'stown. 

At  all  events  we  shall  have  a  good  breakfast  at  this  fine 
looking  stage  house.  But  whether  we  had  arrived  too  soon, 
or  the  folks  usually  began  preparation  after  counting  the  num- 
ber of  mouths,  or  the  wood  was  green,  or  we  most  vulgarly 
hungry  and  sharp  set,  very  long  was  it,  very  long  indeed,  before 
we  were  summoned.  And  then  the  breakfast !  Perhaps  it  was 
all  accidental,  but  the  coffee  (?)  was  a  libel  on  diluted  soot,  made 
by  nurses  to  cure  a  baby's  colic :  the  tea  (?) — for  we  had  repre- 
sentatives of  both  beverages — the  tea  was  a  perfect  imitation 
of  a  decoction  of  clover  hay,  with  which  in  boyhood  we  nursed 
the  tender  little  calves,  prematurely  abstracted  from  the  dams, 
the  silly  innocents  believing  all  the  while  that  the  finger  in  the 
mouth  was  a  teat !  Eggs,  too ! — it  may  have  been  unlike 
Chesterfield — :but  it  certainly  was  not  without  hazard  to  put 
them  in  the  mouth  before  putting  them  to  the  nose : — the  oval 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  27 

delicacies  mostly  remained  this  morning  to  feast  such  as  prefer 
eggs  ripe.  Ay  !  but  look,  here  comes  a  monster  of  a  sausage 
coiled  up  like  a  great  greasy  eel !  Such  often  in  spite  of  being 
over-grown  or  over-stuffed  are  palatable :  this  rascal,  however, 
had  rebelled  against  the  cook,  and  salamander-like,  had  passed 
the  fiery  ordeal  unscorched.  Hot  rolls  came,  a  novelty  then, 
but  much  like  biscuits  in  parts  of  the  Far  West,  viz.,  a  compo- 
sition of  oak  bark  on  the  outside,  and  hot  putty  within — the 
true  article  for  invalids  and  dyspeptics.  We  had  also  bread 
and  butter,  and  cold  cabbage,  and  potatoes,  like  oysters,  some 
fried  and  some  in  the  shell ;  and  green  pickles  so  bountifully 
supplied  with  salt  as  to  have  refused  vinegar — and  beets — and 
saltsellers  in  the  shape  of  glass  hats — and  a  mustard  pot  like  a 
salve-box,  with  a  bone  spoon  glued  in  by  a  potent  cement  of  a 
red-brown-yellow  colour — and  a  light  green  bottle  of  vinegar 
dammed  up  by  a  strong  twisted  wadding  of  brown  paper. 

Reader,  what  more  could  we  wish  1 

"Nothing."    • 

Let  us  go  then  to  a  new  chapter. 


CHAPTER    VI. 

"Fee!  faw!  fum!    I  smell  the  blood  of  an  Englishman !" 
"  Is  that  a  dagger  that  I  see  before  me  ?" 

IN  ancient  Greek  style,  we  have  shown  specimen  bricks,  in 
giving  bits  of  roads,  drivers,  and  so  forth,  to  stand  for  wholes : 
but  fearing  the  impatience  of  our  numerous  (?)  readers  uneasy 
to  go-a-head  in  this  steam  age,  we  cannot  venture  to  tell  how, 
once  upon  a  time,  Colonel  Wilmar  came  very  near  shooting  a 
man  "just  at  that  very  turn  of  the  road  before  us  !" — nor  how 
Mr.  Smith  related  how  once  upon  another  time,  he  was  saved 
from  being  murdered  in  his  room  away  off  in  Tennessee,  by 
"  dashing  his  dirk  through  the  robber's  hand  and  pinning 
him  to  the  door-cheek"  as  he  tried  to  force  his  way  into  the 


28  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

chamber — nor  how  Mr.  Clarence  related  his  escape  from  two 
slave  dealers,  that  he  thought  wanted  his  money  and  meant  to 
commit  him,  with  a  stone  around  his  person,  to  the  river — and 
overheard  them  talk  about  "  cutting  the  fellow's  throat  ?" 

"  All  right,  Mr.  Carlton — we'll  skip  them,  with  your  per- 
mission." 

Well ! — we  can  work  these  morceaux  up  in  other  hashes. 
But  the  interruption  of  the  reader  was  so  like  Mr.  Brown's 
interruption  of  Mr.  Clarence,  when  he  was  saying  to  Miss 
Wilmar  as  follows : 

"This,  Miss  Wilmar,  is,  I  confess,  not  a  very  tragic  con- 
clusion :  but  I  prefer  being  here  to  tell  the  story  for  my 
self,  to  having  Carlton  tell  it  in  some  book  as  it  might  have 
been"— 

"  How  was  that,  Mr.  Clarence  ?"  inquired  Miss  Wilmar. 

But  before  Clarence  could  reply,  Mr.  Brown  hurriedly  ex- 
claimed— 

"  Look  there !     Look  ! — there ! — there  !" 

All  eyes  were  instantly  turned ;  and  below  in  the  meadows 
of  the  Juniata,  was  a  hunted  deer  bounding  away  for  life  ! 
The  timid  creature  ere  long  leaped  into  the  water,  swam  some 
hundred  feet  down  the  stream,  and  emerging  speeded  away  to 
the  mountain.  No  pursuers  were  in  sight,  and  from  appear- 
ances the  poor  creature  escaped  for  that  time :  it  certainly  had 
our  wishes  in  its  favour.  This  incident  naturally  introduced 
stories  about  hunting  and  Indians,  with  numberless  episodial  re- 
marks on  dogs,  rifles,  shot  guns,  tomahawks  and  the  like ;  so 
that  when  the  shadows  of  the  mountain  began,  at  the  decline  of 
day,  to  darken  the  valleys,  and  silence  and  thoughtfulness  per- 
vaded the  party,  fancy  easily  brought  back  the  red-man  to  his 
ancient  haunts  and  made  robbers  crouch  in  ambush  in  every 
thicket  and  behind  every  tree.  Yet  we  reached  our  lodging 
place  in  safety,  where,  late  at  night,  we  severally  retired  to 
bed  ;  and  then,  if  the  day  had  brought  Mr.  Carlton  and  his 
amiable  wife  no  clangor,  they  were  destined  to  find  a  somewhat 
'•uri<m>  adventure  at  night.  And  this  we  shall  contribute  to  the 
chapter  as  our  share  of  its  accidents. 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  29 

Our  sleeping  room  was  on  the  first  floor,  and  opened  by 
three  windows  into  a  piazza;  which  circumstances,  together 
with  the  stories  just  narrated  to  the  reader  and  other  matters 
of  the  sort,  inclined  us  to  examine  the  fastenings  before  going 
to  bed.  The  bolts  were  faultless,  but  the  shutters  or  slappers 
were  so  warped  and  swollen  that  no  efforts  could  induce  them 
to  come  together  and  be  bolted ;  hence,  our  only  course  was  to 
jump  into  bed,  and  if  any  thing  happened,  to  do  like  children — 
put  our  heads  under  the  covers.  In  about  an  hour  I  was 
cautiously  awakened  by  Mrs.  Carlton,  who  whispered  in  a  low 
and  agitated  voice : — 

"  Oh !  my  dear ! — what's  that  ? — listen !" 

Instead  of  pulling  up  the  bed-clothes,  I  sat  up  to  listen ;  and 
strange — a  solemn  and  peculiar  and  thrilling  note  was  filling 
the  room,  swelling  and  dying  away,  and  changing  now  to  one 
spot  and  then  to  another  !  What  could  it  be  1  The  sound  re- 
sembled nothing  I  had  ever  heard  except  once,  and  that  was  in 
a  theatrical  scene,  in  which  a  huge  iron  wheel  turned  at  the 
touch  of  a  magician  and  slowly  raised  the  heavy  trap  door  of 
an  enchanted  cavern.  I  sprang  out  of  bed  and  began  a  search — 
yet  all  in  vain — I  felt  along  the  walls,  crawled  under  the  bed, 
poked  my  head  up  the  chimney,  and  even  ventured  into  the 
closets — and  all  the  while  that  mysterious  noise  playing  as 
wild  and  frightful  as  ever  !  At  last  I  pushed  open  the  shutters 
and  looked  into  the  piazza;  still  nothing  was  visible  either 
there  or  within  the  room,  while  the  strange  tones  swelled  louder 
than  ever ! 

Puzzled,  but  less  alarmed,  we  at  last  retreated  to  bed — I  say 
we,  for  Mrs.  C.  had  been  trotting  after  me  during  the  whole 
search,  being  too  cowardly  to  stay  in  bed  alone  even  with  the 
covers  over  her  head, — we  retreated  to  bed,  and  after  a  while 
I,  at  least,  fell  asleep  ;  but  soon  I  was  suddenly  and  violently 
awakened  by  my  good  lady,  who  in  attempting  to  leap  away 
from  something  on  her  side,  had  in  extra  activity  accomplished 
too  much,  and  landed  clear  over  me  and  out  of  bed  entirely  on 
the  floor ! 

"  Why,  Eliza ! — Eliza !— what  ? — what  is  the  matter  ? !" 


30 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 


"  Oh  !  Robert ! — listen  !"  said  my  wife  ;  in  bed  again,  how- 
ever, and  be  assured,  on  the  safe  side. 

A  basin  of  water  we  knew  stood  near  Mrs.  Carlton's  side  of 
the  bed,  and  on  a  small  table : — and  now  into  that  basin,  drop 
by  drop,  something  was  trickling !  Could  it  be  blood  from 
some  crack  in  the  floor  over  us !  With  Mrs.  C.  clinging  to  me, 
I  went  to  the  table,  and  seizing  the  basin,  carried  it  hastily  to 
a  window,  and  pushing  open  its  shutter,  we  plainly  perceived 
by  the  dim  light  that  blood  it  really  was — not. 

"  Well,  what  was  it,  then  f 

Reader,  it  was  a  little  mouse  dead  enough  now,  but  which, 
having  by  accident  tumbled  into  the  water,  had,  by  its  strug- 
gles for  life,  caused  what  to  us  then  seemed  like  the  trickling 
down  of  some  liquid  or  fluid  substance. 

Day  now  dawning,  and  Mrs.  C.  being  willing  to  stay  alone, 
I  went  into  the  yard  to  discover  the  cause  of  the  mysterious 
music,  satisfied  that  it  lay  there  somewhere;  and  no  sooner  did 
I  reach  the  corner  of  the  house  than  I  was  fortunate  enough  to 
catch  the  very  ghost  in  the  act  of  performing  on  the  extraordi- 
nary instrument  that  had  puzzled  us  with  its  strange  noise. 
Against  the  house  had  been  nailed  part  of  an  iron  hoop  to  sup- 
port a  wooden  spout ;  but  the  spout  had  rotted  away  and  fallen 
down,  and  the  projecting  hoop  was  alone.  This  iron  had  on  it 
some  saline  substance  pleasant  to  the  taste  of  a  quiet  old  cow ; 
and  there  stood  the  matron-like  quadruped  licking  away  with 
very  correct  time  at  the  hoop,  and  whenever  her  tongue  finished 
a  stroke,  and  according  to  its  intensity,  the  instrument  vibrated, 
and  thus  discoursed  the  wondrous  music  of  the  enchanter's 
wheel  and  trap  !  Indeed,  I  even  tried  the  performance  myself 
— not  with  rny  tongue — and  succeeded,  my  wife  says,  and  she 
is  a  judge  of  music,  succeeded  as  well  as  the  cow  herself.  And 
so,  dear  reader,  if  this  is  not  a  "cock  and  bull  story" — it  most 
certainly  is — a  mouse  and  a  cow  one. 

Adventures,  like  misfortunes,  are  sometimes  in  clusters. 
The  next  morning  after  the  descent  from  some  mountain,  as 
our  stage  was  entering  a  small  village,  we  were  met  by  a  noble- 
looking  young  man,  mounted  on  a  spirited  horse,  scarcely  bro- 


-THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  31 

ken,  and  certainly  not  "  bridle-wise" — and  met  exactly  on  the 
middle  of  a  bridge.  This  bridge  crossed  a  stream  not  ordi- 
narily wide  or  deep,  but  swollen  by  melting  snows  it  was  now 
foaming  and  thundering  along  almost  a  river :  it  was  truly 
formidable. 

The  horse,  as  we  met,  stopped,  and  with  ears  erect  and 
pointed,  with  nostrils  dilated,  and  eyes  fierce  and  staring,  he 
answered  every  effort  to  urge  him  forward  with  trembling  only 
and  fitful  starting ;  while  the  horseman  himself  sat  indifferent 
to  consequences,  and  with  ease  and  grace.  The  man  and  horse 
were  one.  At  length  the  rider,  unable  to  compel  the  creature 
to  pass  us,  attempted  to  wheel — when,  instead  of  obeying  the 
bridle,  the  spirited  animal  reared,  and  at  one  superb  bound 
cleared  the  barrier  of  the  bridge,  and  both  rider  and  horse  in 
an  instant  disappeared  under  the  foaming  waters.  But  scarcely 
had  fright  among  us  uttered  its  exclamations,  when  up  rose  that 
horse,  and  up  rose,  too,  seated  on  his  back,  that  rider ! — ay — 
seated  as  though  he  had  never  moved  and  the  whole  perfor- 
mance had  been  done  expressly  for  exhibition  !  In  a  few  mo- 
ments the  horseman  landed  below  the  bridge,  then  galloping 
across  the  meadow  he  passed  the  fence-  at  a  flying  leap,  and 
advancing  to  the  stage  now  beyond  the  bridge,  this  matchless 
rider,  taking  off  his  hat  and  bowing  to  the  party,  asked,  as  if  the 
affair  had  not  been  purely  accidental : 

"  Gentlemen  !  which  of  you  can  do  that?" 

We  most  heartily  congratulated  him  on  his  miraculous  pre- 
servation, and,  as  he  rode  gallantly  off,  gave  him  three  loud 
cheers  for  his  unsurpassed  coolness  and  intrepidity. 

Reader !  it  is  yet  a  long  way  to  Pittsburg,  and  I  cannot  get" 
you  properly  there  without  telling  my  own  robber  story — a 
pet  adventure ; — or  without  we  skip — but  I  should  like  to  tell 
the  story — 

"  Well,  Mr.  Carlton,  we  should  very  much  like  to  hear  the 
story — but,  perhaps,  just  now  we  had  better — skip." 

Skip  it  is,  then,  and  all  the  way  to — PITTSBURG. 


32  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 


CHAPTER   VII.      . 

• 

*          *    alii  ventosis  follibus  auras. 
"  Accipiunt  redduntque :  alii  stridentio  tingunt 
Aera  lacu :  gemit  impositis  incudibus  antrum. 
Illi  inter  sese  multS.  vi  brachia  tollunt 
In  numerum,  versantque  tenaci  forcipe  massam." 

AND  be  assured,  reader,  it  is  not  "all  smoke"  you  now 
see — there  is  some  fire  here  too.  This  black  place  reminds  us 
of  the  iron  age — of  Jupiter  too,  and  Vulcan  and  Mount  ^Etna. 
Virgil  would  here  have  found  Cyclops  and  pounders  of  red-hot 
thunderbolts  sonorous  enough  to  set  at  work  in  his  musical 
hexameters.  And  some  here  make  tubes  of  iron,  with  alternate 
and  spiral  "lands  and  furrows,"  better  by  far  to  shoot  than 
Milton's  grand  and  unpatent  blunderbusses;  into  which  his 
heroic  devils  put  unscientifically  more  powder  than  probably 
all  burned.  But  that  was  before  the  Lyceum  age. 

Whenever  that  soot-cloud  is  driven  before  a  wind,  long 
streets  are  revealed  lined  with  well-built  and  commodious 
dwellings,  with  here  and  there  a  stately  mansion,  or  dusky 
palace  belonging  to  some  lord  of  coal-pits  and  ore-beds. 

Hark !  how  enterprise  and  industry  are  raging  away ! — while 
steam  and  water-power  shake  the  hills  to  their  very  foundation ! 
— and  every  spot  is  in  a  ferment  with  innumerable  workmen 
as  busy,  and  as  dingy  too,  as  the  pragmatical  insects  in  Virgil's 
poetic  ant-hill !  Every  breeze  is  redolent  with  nameless  odours 
of  factories  and  work-shops ;  and  the  ear  is  stunned  by  the 
ceaseless  uproar  from  clatter  and  clang  of  cog  and  wheel — the 
harsh  grating  of  countless  rasps  and  files — the  ringing  of  a 
thousand  anvils — the  spiteful  clickings  of  enormous  shears 
biting  rods  of  iron  into  nails — the  sissing  of  hot  tongs  in  water 
— a,nd  the  deep  earthquaking  bass  of  forge-hammers  teaching 
rude  masses  how  to  assume  the  first  forms  of  organic  and  civil- 
ized metal ! 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  33 

Mr.  Brown  said  he  was  not  yet  fully  awake,  but  that  he  was 
in  a  dream  amid  scenes  at  Birmingham  and  Sheffield ;  and  that 
instead  of  astonishing  the  natives,  the  natives  had  surprised  and 
astonished  him ! 

Why  do  some  speak  disparagingly  of  Pittsburg  complexion ! 
Is  it  ordinarily  seen  ?  The  citizens  move  enveloped  in  cloud — 
like  ^Eneas  entering  Carthage — and  hence  are  known  rather  by 
the  voice  than  the  face.  Their  voice  is  immutable,  but  their 
face  changes  hourly  :  hence  if  people  here  are  loud  talkers,  it 
arises  from  the  fact  just  alluded  to,  and  because  loud  talking  is 
necessary  to  cry  down  the  din  of  a  myriad  mingled  noises. 

In  very  civilized  districts,  ladies  owe  their  sweet  looks  to 
what  is  put  on  their  faces ;  in  this  Cyclopean  city,  sweet  looks 
are  owing  to  what  is  taken  off  their  faces.  Instead,  therefore, 
of  advising  bachelors  before  popping  the  question,  to  catch  the 
inamorata  "  in  the  suds,"  we  advise  to  catch  her  in  the  soot. 
If  beautiful,  then  let  Ccelebs  bless  himself;  for  he  has  a  gem 
which  water,  unlike  its  baleful  effect  on  some  faces,  will  only 
wash  brighter  and  brighter. 

As  to  hearts  and  manners,  if  our  Mr.  Smith  be  a  correct 
specimen,  go  reader,  live  in  Pittsburg.  He  was  a  Christian 
gentleman:  and  in  those  two  words  is  condensed  all  praise. 
When,  as  was  necessary,  our  party  proceeded  on  the  voyage 
without  this  friend,  so  great  was  the  vacancy,  we  seemed  alone — 

— Alas !  he  is  no  more ! 


CHAPTER    VIII. 


THE      VOYAGE. 


-"  facilis  descensus  Averni,  sed  revocare  gradum- 


"Easy  is  it  to  float  down  the  Ohio— try  to  float  up  onoe !" 

AT  the  time  of  the  voyage,  a  steamboat  was  a  very  rara  avis 
on  the  Ohio  river.     The  usual  mode  then  of  going  down — get- 
ting up  again  was   quite  another  affair — was  in  arks,  broad- 
2* 


34  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

horns,  keel-boats,  batteaux,  canoes  and  rafts.  Colonel  Wilinar, 
who  knew  the  way  of  doing  business  in  these  great  waters,  de- 
cided in  favour  of  the  ark  ;  and  into  the  ark,  therefore,  we 
went :  viz.,  Colonel  Wilinar  and  his  cousin,  Mr.  Clarence  and  Mr. 
Brown,  and  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Carlton,  and  also  the  two  owners — 
eight  souls.  Noah's  stock  of  live  animals  went  in  to  be/ed,  ours 
went  in  to  be  eaten  ;  while  we  had  also  smoked  hams ;  so  that 
the  likeness  between  us  and  that  remarkable  navigator  failed 
after  the  number  of  the  sailors  was  compared. 

Our  captain  and  mate  being  gone  after  their  own  stores,  let 
us  meanwhile  examine  the  mechanique  of  our  ark.  And  first, 
its  foundation — for  the  structure  is  rather  a  house  than  a  boat, 
— its  foundation.  This  is  rectangular  and  formed  of  timbers 
each  fifteen  cubits  long,  tied  by  others  each  eight  cubits  long ; 
the  timbers  being  from  three  to  four  hands-breadths  thick.  The 
side  beams  are  united  by  sleepers,  on  which  is  a  floor  pinned 
down,  and  as  tight  as  possible,  so  that  when  swollen  by  the 
water,  water  itself  could  not  get  in — except  at  the  cracks,  and 
then  it  could  not  be  got  out  without  the  aid  of  science.  Above 
the  first  flooring,  at  an  interval  of  a  foot,  was  laid  on  other  joist 
— (jice) — a  second  floor.  Hence  by  virtue  of  a  primitive  pump 
peculiar  to  the  raft  and  ark  era,  our  "  hold" — and  it  held  water 
to  admiration — could,  when  necessary,  be  freed. 

Scantling  of  uncertain  and  unequal  lengths  rose  almost  per- 
pendicular around  the  rectangle,  being  morticed  into  the  foun- 
dation ;  and  so  when,  from  without,  planks  were  pinned  as  high 
as  necessary  against  these  uprights,  the  ark  had  nearly  all  its 
shape,  and  all  its  room. 

This  room  or  space  was  portioned  into  cabin  and  kitchen  ;  the 
latter  intended  by  the  architect  to  take  the  lead  in  the  actual 
navigation,  but  which  in  a  struggle  for  preeminence  would 
often  technically  slue  round,  and  yield  that  honour  to  the  cabin. 

Next  the  kitchen.  In  one  part  was  a  hearth  of  brick  and 
sand,  and  furnished  with  three  iron  bars  that  straddled  lowerwise 
to  the  edges  of  the  hearth,  but  united  upperwise  over  its  centre 
or — thereabouts.  And  this  contrivance  was  to  sustain  in  their 
turn  our — hem ! — "  culinary  utensils  1 — ay — yes — culinary  u.ten- 


THE     NEW    PURCHASE.  35 

sils.  Forwards  were  the  fin-holes,  and  behind  these  and  pro- 
jecting towards  the  cabin,  were  boxes  and  berths  for  the  captain 
and  mate.  The  fins — improperly  by  some  called  horns — 
were  rude  oars,  which  passing  out  of  the  opposite  fin-holes  just 
named,  used,  when  moved,  to  flap  and  splash  each  side  of  the 
kitchen ;  and  by  these  the  ark  was  steered,  kept  kitchen  end 
foremost,  brought  to  land,  and  kept  out  of  harm's  way — the  last 
requiring  pretty  desperate  pulling,  unless  we  began  half  an  hour 
before  encountering  an  impediment,  or  escaping  a  raft.  The 
fins  would,  indeed,  sometimes  play  in  a  heavy  sort  of  frolic  to 
get  us  along  faster ;  but  usually  they  were  idle,  and  we  were 
left  to  float  with  the  stream  from  three  to  four  miles  in  an  hour. 

The  cabin,  like  other  aristocrats,  had  the  large  space,  was 
planked  two  cubits  higher  that  the  other  places,  and  covered 
with  an  arched  roof  of  thin  boards  to  ward  off  direct  sun,  and 
perpendicular  rain.  Against  sun  and  rain  oblique,  it  was  no 
barrier.  The  cabin  was  also  subdivided  into  parlour  and  state 
room.  The  latter  was  for  the  ladies'  sole  use,  being  sumptuously 
furnished  with  a  double  box  or  berth,  a  toilette  made  of  an  up- 
turned flour  barrel,  and  similar  elegancies  and  conveniences, 
and  a  window  looking  up-stream ;  which  window  was  a  cubit 
square,  and  had  a  flapper  or  slapper  hung  with  leathern  hinges 
and  fastened  with  a  pin  or  wooden  bolt.  The  parlour  contained 
the  male  boxes  or  sleeperies ;  and  was  the  place  where  we  all 
boarded — but  here  comes  the  captain  and  his  mate,  and  we  shall 
be  off  in  what  they  call  a  ji/ey.  Among  other  articles,  these 
persons  had  brought  a  coffee-mill,  a  saw,  about  half  a  bushel  of 
sausages,  and  above  all,  a  five  gallon  keg,  which  the  captain 
himself  hugged  up  under  his  arm  next  the  heart.  What  was  in 
it  I  do  not  exactly  know — it  could  not  have  been  water,  not  hav- 
ing a  watery  smell,  and  beside  we  all  drank  river  water. 

Reader !  all  is  ready !  Oh !  how  soft  the  blossom-scented 
balmy  air  is  breathing  !  See !  the  sun  light  dancing  from  one 
sparkling  ripple  to  another  !  A  most  delicious  April  morning 
is  inviting  us  with  the  blandest  smiles  to  come  and  float  on  the 
beauteous  river  far,  far  away  to  the  boundless  prairies  and  the 
endless  forests  of  the  New  World !  Yes!  yes!  here  is  a  vision ! 


30  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

— and  in  the  midst  of  fragrance,  and  flowers,  and  sunshine,  and 
with  those  we  love  for  comrades,  and  those  we  love  awaiting  us, 
we  are  entering  the  land,  the  glorious  land  of  sunsets !  Ah ! 
Clarence — I  wonder  not  at  that  tear — 

"  Bill !  slue  round  your  'are  side  there  and  we're  off,"  inter- 
rupted the  captain,  addressing  his  mate.  Bill,  of  course,  per- 
formed that  curious  manoeuvre  with  great  nautical  skill,  and  off 
we  were :  first  one  end  struggling  for  the  precedence  and  then 
the  other,  with  alternate  fins  dipping  and  splashing,  till  the  ark 
reached  the  confluence  of  the  Alleghany  and  Monongahela;  and 
then  one  grand  circular  movement  accomplished,  that  forced  the 
lordly  cabin  to  the  rear,  away,  away  we  floated,  kitchen  in  the 
van!  down  on  the  current  of  the  noble,  beauteous,  glorious 
Ohio! 

*  *  *  *  *  .*  * 

Farewell !  Pittsburg,  last  city  of  the  east !  Long  may  the 
din  and  the  smoke  of  thy  honest  enterprise  be  heard  and  seen 
by  the  voyager  away  down  the  flood  !  Farewell ! — the  earth- 
born  clouds  are  veiling  thee  even  now !  There !  I  see  thee 
again ! — Oh !  the  flash  of  that  tall  spire  sending  back  the  sun- 
beam, like  gleams  of  lightning  from  a  thunder  cloud  ; — it  gleams 
again — we  change  our  course — and  all  is  dark ! — Pittsburg  ! 
Farewell ! 

******* 

"  Ladies  and  gentlemen"  said  the  Colonel,  after  we  were  fairly 
under  weigh,  "suppose  we  proceed  to  arrange  our  domestic 
establishment,  each  agreeing  to  perform  his  part  either  assumed 
by  himself,  or  imposed  on  him  by  vote — he,  his,  him  were  used 
in  the  sense  of  homo — and  were  so  understood  by  the  ladies 
although  unacquainted  with  Latin  and  Lectures — and  so  sup- 
pose we  have  a  regular  assembly — " 

"  I  move  Colonel  Wilmar  take  the  chair," — said  Mr.  Brown. 
And  this  being  seconded  by  Mrs.  Carlton,  the  Colonel  took  the 
chair  the  best  way  he  could  ;  and  that  was  only  metaphorically 
by  moving  off  a  little  from  the  members  and  leaning  against  a 
berth.  Miss  Wilmar  was  next  elected  Secretary,  and  accom- 
modated with  a  trunk  for  a  seat,  and  using  her  lap  as  a  table, 


THE     NEW    PURCHASE.  37 

she  prepared  to  record  in  her  pocket  book  the  resolutions  of  the 
household  house. 

Mr.  Brown  then  was  nominated  as  cook ;  but  as  he  insisted 
that  he  could  cook  "  niver  a  bit  of  a  male  but  only  roast  pota- 
toes," and  we  had  unluckily  no  potatoes  stored,  the  important 
office  was  after  due  deliberation  bestowed  on  the  chairman  him- 
self. This  was,  indeed,  very  humbly  declined  by  the  Colonel, 
who  left  the  chair — calling  thither  for  the  time  Mr.  Clarence — to 
exhibit  in  a  very  handsome  speech  his  unworthiness ;  yet  it  was 
at  last  unanimously  decided  in  his  favour,  and  mainly  on  the 
argument  of  Mr.  Carlton,  that  the  Colonel  had  doubtless  learned 
cooking  in  his  campaigns  and  when  hunting.  From  some  in- 
accuracy in  wording  the  resolutions,  however,  the  business  after 
all  only  amounted  to  the  cook's  having  to  carry  the  victuals  to 
and  from  the  kitchen — lift  the  culinary  articles  about — and  poke 
the  fire  at  the  order  of  the  ladies. 

Next  came  a  resolution  that  the  ladies  should  prepare  the 
cookables — i.  e.,  stuff  the  chickens  with  filling — beat  eggs  for 
puddings,  and  the  like.  Then  it  was  ordered  that  Clarence, 
Brown,  and  Carlton,  should  in  turn  set  the  table — clean  plates — 
or  in  a  word — be  scullions.  The  dignity  of  history  forbids  me 
to  conceal,  that  spite  of  all  our  scouring,  and  wiping  and  wash- 
ing, the  cleaned  articles  retained  an  unctuous  touch,  and  looked 
so  streaked,  that  at  meals  the  ladies  deemed  a  polish  extra  neces- 
sary. But  nonpossumus  omnia,  you  know,  reader — i.  e.,  we  can- 
not all  clean  dishes,  as  the  Latins  say. 

There  were  also  other  resolutions,  such  as,  that  the  gentlemen 
rise  betimes  and  make  their  beds  before  the  appearance  of  the 
ladies ;  that  two  by  two  they  should  take  the  skiff  and  go  to 
market,  along  shore,  after  milk,  butter,  cheese,  eggs,  chickens, 
ducks,  venison  hams  cured,  and  fresh  venison.  The  stores  laid 
in  at  Pittsburg  were  smoked  meats,  sausages,  flour,  corn-meal, 
tea,  coffee,  sugar,  salt,  spices,  sweatmeats,  some  fruits,  and  many 
other  things  unknown  to  Noah.  We  had  also  our  own  plates, 
knives,  lead  spoons,  and  a  superb  dutch-looking  set  of  Pittsburg 
Liverpool  ware  for  tea  and  breakfast  service.  For  a  "con 
sideration"  the  captain  allowed  us  the  use  of  his  big  pot,  skillet, 


38  THE     NEW    PURCHASE. 

and  dutch  oven.     We  had  our  own  coffee-pot  and  other  tins. 

From  our  nicnacries  we  often  supplied  the  captain's  table 
with  a  dessert ;  and  finally,  when,  about  six  hundred  miles  down 
the  river,  these  extemporaneous  sailors  received  $16  for  our 
passage,  they  became  heirs  to  all  our  unbroken  crockery  and 
hardware,  and  to  the  remnant  of  our  flour  and  smoked  meats. 
The  goodies  had  disappeared  two  hundred  miles  higher. 

After  the  adjournment  of  our  assembly,  we  proceeded  to  ar- 
range the  cabin,  spending  the  whole  day  in  "  fixing  ;"  an  Ameri- 
canism including  unfixing,  removing,  and  deranging,  as  well  as 
placing  and  rendering  permanent.  But  at  ten  o'clock,  p.  M.,  the 
darkness  rendered  longer  floating  hazardous,  and  we  accordingly 
came,  not  to  anchor,  but  to  a  tie ;  for,  working  the  ark  to  the 
nearest  bank,  we  tied  her  to  a  tree,*  and  in  the  very  way  for- 
merly done  by  the  pious  ^Eneas  and  his  wandering  Trojans. 
Yet  we  did  not,  as  those  heroes,  sleep  on  the  sand  or  the  grass, 
but  retired  to  our  berths  or  boxes,  setting  a  watch,  however, 
to  guard  against  two  dangers  of  diametrically  opposite  charac- 
ters. First,  it  was  necessary  to  take  care  that  the  tie-rope 
neither  got  loose  nor  broke,  when  we  should  float  off  into  the 
perils  of  a  dark  river — that  is,  find  too  much  water ;  and, 
secondly,  we  must  watch  the  subsidence  of  the  river,  lest  she 
(the  ark)  be  left  grounded  some  two  or  three  feet  from  her 
natural  element — that  is,  lest  we  find  too  little  water. 

It  is  very  delightful  when  travellers  go  to  sleep  confident  of 
being  one  hundred  miles  advanced  by  breakfast  time  ;  but  not 
so  with  the  party — we  went  to  bed  of  necessity  and  slept  on 
system.  True — we  awoke,  and  got  up,  and  ate  breakfast  and 
dinner,  and  even  tea  and  supper,  and  played  away  the  intervals 
at  checkers  with  white  and  red  corns,  and  then  tried  push-pin 
and  tee-totum — and  we  tried  to  read,  and  wished  for  fishing- 
lines  and  guns — and  we  walked  up  the  bank  and  then  walked 
down  again,  whistling  most  devoutly,  not  for  wind,  but  against 
it :  but  alas !  the  wind  would  not  be  whistled  against, — it  con- 
tinued to  blow  all  day  long  dead  ahead  up  stream,  as  if  it  had 

•  Tho  ark  contains  and  sometimes  breeds. 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  39 

never  heard  us.  And  there  we  were  all  day,  all  the  evening, 
and  part  of  the  night  in  the  self-same  spot  where  we  came  to  a 
tie  at  ten  o'clock,  p.  M.,  the  night  before  !  And  that  was  de- 
servedly called  a  "pretty  considerable  of  a  fix." 

One  day,  when  thus  wind-bound  about  two  hundred  miles  be- 
low the  first  fix,  all  the  common  expedients  of  beguilement'  being 
tried  and  exhausted,  Colonel  Wilmar  proposed  marbles — of 
which  he  had  made  a  large  purchase  for  his  little  sons.  And  at 
it  we  went  with  the  zest  of  boyhood.  Happy  day  !  how  the 
blue-coloured  gentry,  that  haunt  the  inactive,  took  wing  at  the 
sound  of  our  merry  and  innocent  shouts  and  laughter  !  No 
human  habitation  was  in  sight ;  and  forests,  that  told  their  age 
by  centuries,  stretched  their  giant-arms  over  our  ring  ;  and  from 
their  venerable  depths  Echo,  for  the  first  time  since  the  crea- 
tion, cried  out  in  amazement,  the  words  of  our  game- — to  her 
more  incomprehensible  than  the  heathenish  terms  of  the  native 
Indians  !  Oh  !  how  she  reiterated  "  man-lay  ! — clearings ! — 
'fen! — knuckle  down! — toy  bone! — go  to  baste!  (?) — fat!  — 
histings  ! — comins  about ! — hit  black  alley  ! — knock  his  knicker  ! 
— 'tan't  fair ! — you  cheat  ! — my  first !" — cum  multis  aliis  ! 
These  terms  are  spelled  according  to  nature.  Indeed,  my  soul 
becomes  indignant  when  I  find  printed,,  instead  of  that  spirit- 
stirring,  frank-hearted  "  Hurraw !"  that  pitiful,  sneaking,  soul- 
less, civilized,  "  Huzza  !"  Dare  any  man  say  that  sounds  like 
the  thing  ?  No  more  than  it  looks  like  it.  Freemen  !  let 
nice,  pretty,  mincing,  dandies  huzza  by  note — do  you  ever  cry 
out  Hurraw  ! 

But  at  length  we  waked  something  more  substantial  than  that 
bodiless  noun — Echo ;  for  lo  !  on  a  sudden  came  answers,  near 
and  distinct,  if  not  very  melodious,  and  from  the  top  of  the 
identical  bank  beneath  which  we  were  playing  !  We  looked 
up  and  there  stood  two  hunters,  long  silent  spectators  of  the 
strange  game,  but  who  having  imbibed  the  fun  of  the  thing, 
were  now  laughing  and  roaring  away  as  merry  as  our  party  ! 

After  the  wind  had  blown  out,  we  untied  ark,  and  floated 
away  till  after  midnight ;  when  clouds  so  increased  the  dark- 
ness as  to  prevent  our  seeing  snags,  sawyers,  and  planters,  and 


40  THE     NEW    PURCHASE. 

also  the  ripples  indicative  of  shallows,  and  we  tied  again.  Per- 
haps it  may  be  proper  here  to  say  a  word  relative  to  the  above- 
named  impediments  in  the  Western  waters. 

A  planter  is  the  trunk  of  a  tree,  perpendicular  or  inclined, 
with  one  end  planted  immoveable  in  the  bottom  of  the  river, 
and  the  other  above  or  below  the  surface,  according  to  the  state 
of  the  water.  A  snag  is  a  minature  or  youthful  planter ;  or 
sometimes  it  is  made  by  an  upright  branch  of  a  large  tree  im- 
bedded horizontally  in  the  bottom.  A  sawyer  is  either  a  long 
trunk,  or  more  commonly  an  entire  tree,  so  fixed  that  its  top 
plays  up  and  down  with  the  current  and  the  wind,  and  is  there- 
fore periodically  perilous  to  the  navigator.  Ripples  are  often 
indices  of  an  ascending  sawyer ;  and  also  of  shoals,  as  one  ap- 
proaches islands  wholly  or  partially  submerged.  Large  and 
heavy  rafts  frequently  go  against  and  over  most  of  the  smaller 
obstacles  with  impunity ;  but  arks  like  ours  would  have  been 
staved;  so  our  night  floating  especially  was  never  free  from 
jeopardy. 

I  shall  not  inflict  our  whole  log-book  on  the  reader  and  his 
friends : — how  often  we  tied  and  untied — went  ashore  after  but- 
ter and  eggs  and  the  cum  multis — nor  how  it  was  once  my  lot 
to  be  with  Mr.  Brown  in  the  skiff  when  he  could  not,  owing  to 
his  extreme  longitude,  trim  boat,  and  how  the  vixen  of  a  boat 
threatened  to  upset,  and  I  had  to  pull  both  oars  till,  weary  and 
long  after  dark,  we  overtook  our  ark,  where  fears  began  to  be 
entertained  about  us.  No,  no, — why  should  we  trespass  on 
patience  with  the  account  of  our  cookery ,  our  batter  cakes, 
eggs  and  ham,  biscuit  and  loaf,  johnny  cakes,  steaks,  filled 
chickens,  plum  puddings,  and  the  curious  dish  of  what-nots? 
And  yet  it  was  really  marvellous  that  our  endless  .varieties 
could  all  be  turned  out  of  four  utensils,  viz :  a  tea-kettle  and  a 
dutch  oven,  and  a  big  pot,  and  a  little  skillet.  Mrs.  Goodfel- 
low  did  well  enough  with  all  her  fixtures ;  but  it  was  reserved 
for  our  ladies  to  cook,  what  most  cooks  and  confectioners  know 
nothing  about — the  multum  in  parvo.  Let  me,  then,  in  place 
of  the  whole  log,  introduce  a  new  friend. 

In  the  third  day  of  the  descent  we  began  to  overhaul  an  ark, 


THE    NEW    PURCHASE.  41 

a  size  (?)  less  than  ours ;  but  this  ark,  instead  of  getting  out  of 
the  way,  was  evidently  striving  to  get  into  it ;  and  so,  arrived 
within  speaking  distance,  we  were  hailed  from  the  strange  float 
with  a  proposition  to  link  arks.  Longing  for  something  new, 
and  apprised  that  combined  arks  floated  better  than  single  ones, 
our  assent  was  instantly  given ;  and  then  our  arks  were  soon 
amicably  united  and  floating  side  by  side.  And  what  would 
you  imagine  the  neighbour  ark  contained  1  A  solitary  male 
Yankee !  and  such  a  merry,  facetious,  fearless,  handy,  'cute 
specimen  of  the  genus  I  guess,  was  never  encountered. 

This  wonderful  biped  had  left  the  land  of  deacons,  hard  cider, 
and  other  steady  habits,  in  imitation  of  Jack  in  the  good  old- 
fashioned  story-book — to  seek  his  fortune ;  and  now,  after  try- 
ing his  luck  in  twenty  different  places,  and  in  as  many  different 
and  even  opposite  ways,  behold !  here  was  Do-tell- I-want-to-Jcnow, 
lord  of  a  whole  ark — a  solitary  Noah,  floating  to  a  new  world 
at  the  far  end  of  a  flood,  if  not  beyond  one  !  He  had  cast  off 
at  Pittsburg  some  hours  before  ourselves,  and  had  sung,  whis- 
tled, rowed  and  eaten  his  way  alone,  till  we  overtook  him,  when 
he  had  hailed  us  in  a  very  jocose  and  half-singing  style,  and  then 
brought  up  his  ark  with  a  laugh  and  a  tune.  "  He  was  tired." 
he  said,  "  of  his  company,  and  had  ought  to  get  into  better  soci- 
ety,— and  seeing  we  were  in  a  tarnation  tearing  hurry,  he  had 
ought  to  tow  us  down  to  what-d'-ye-call-the-place  ? — and  as  he 
didn't  intend  taking  advantage  of  our  weakness,  he  wouldn't  ask 
anything  for  his  help — except  his  boarding  and  a  dollar  a  day." 

What-say,  however,  was  very  far  from  vulgarity,  and  towards 
ladies,  very  respectful ;  still,  he  was  a  choice  specimen  of  the 
universal  nation,  and  Mr.  Brown  looked  on  him  with  astonish- 
ment for  his  peculiarities,  but  with  respect  for  his  independence 
and  enterprise.  Our  hero's  name  was,  oddly  enough,  Smith. 
And  as  he  was  always  called  among  us  by  his  surname,  I  forget, 
whether  he  told  that  his  Christian  name  was  Thankful  or  Pre- 
served— his  cognomen,  however,  was  destined  to  be  a  proper 
noun,  for  our  Yankee  was,  par  excellence,  the  Smith. 

Notwithstanding  his  demand  for  boarding,  we  could  not  in- 
duce him  to  eat  with  us,  anxious  as  we  were  to  pay,  if  not  for 


42  THE     NEW    PURCHASE. 

towing  services,  yet  for  fun.  True,  he  could  apply  "  soft  saw- 
der" very  judiciously,  and  indeed,  even  sometimes  out-general 
Mr.  Brown:  who,  to  tell  the  truth,  could  "do  the  nate  thing 
with  the  blarney"  himself.  I  shall  make  no  attempt  to  record 
their  quirks,  and  quizzes,  and  repartees,  and  puns ;  good  things 
of  the  sort,  like  soda-water,  should  be  taken  at  the  fountain. 
What  became  of  the  Smith  when  we  parted  at  Limestone,  I 
never  learned.  But  never  do  I  hear  of  a  Smith  preeminent  in 
handicraft,  from  simple  clock-making  all  the  way  up  to  patent 
nutmeg-making  ;  or  in  the  give-and-take  line,  from  limited  auc- 
tioneering to  enlarged,  and  liberal,  and  locomotive  peddling  of 
notions ;  or  in  modern  literature,  from  magazine  writing  clean 
up  to  magnetisms  and  lyceums,  that  Noah  Smith  of  the  little 
ark  comes  not  in  remembrance.  Verily,  if  not  really  metamor- 
phosed, as  I  sometimes  guess,  into  Sam  Slick  or  Jonathan  his 
brother,  he  certainly  is,  if  living — a  very  Slick  Feller. 

The  twin  arks,  as  our  sailors  became  bolder  and  more  skilful 
or  rash,  were  allowed  at  last,  the  wind  permitting,  to  float  all 
night.  One  night  Smith,  then  our  Palinurus,  suddenly  beat  to 
quarters,  by  drumming  his  heels  against  the  partition  and  ring- 
ing his  skillet  with  the  only  weapon  he  carried, — an  oyster  knife 
worn  usually  in  his  bosom  like  a  dirk,  and  with  its  handle  ex- 
posed. At  the  same  time,  as  accompaniment,  he  whistled 
"Yankee  doodle"  in  superb  style;  and  then  exchanged  his 
whistling  to  the  singing  of  this  extemporaneous  lyric: — 

"  Get  up,  good  sirs,  get  up  I  say, 

And  rouse  ye,  all  ye  sleepers ; 

See  !  down  upon  us  comes  a  thing 

To  make  us  use  our  peepers. 

Yankee  doodle,  &c. 

"  Yet  what  it  is,  I  cannot  tell- 
But  'tis  as  big  as  thunder ; 
Ah !  if  it  hits  our  loving  arks, 
We'll  soon  be  split  asunder. 

Yankee  doodle,"  &c. 

Roused  we  were,  yet,  misled  by  the  manner  of  our  pilot,  not 
as  fast  as  the  case  demanded :  for  just  then  the  ladies  looking 
from  their  little  window  up  the  river,  cried  out  in  great  alarm, 


THE     NEW     PURCHASA.  43 

"  Colonel  Wilmar ! — Mr.  Carlton  ! — make  haste ! — something  is 
coming  down  like  an  island  broke  loose ! — it  is  almost  on  us  !" 
Of  course  the  fins  were  instantly  manned,  and  flapped  and 
splashed  with  very  commendable  activity,  and  just  in  time  to 
escape  the  end  of  an  immense  raft  now  sweeping  past  and  within 
a  very  few  inches  of  Smith's  side ;  while  four  or  five  men  on  the 
raft  were  labouring  away  at  their  sweeping  oars,  showing  that 
our  escape  was  due  to  their  exertions,  and  not  our  own.  Smith, 
however,  who  had,  it  seems,  made  his  calculation,  now  leaped 
upon  the  raft  with  a  rope  in  his  hand ;  and  with  the  permission 
of  the  men,  and  indeed  with  their  assistance  too,  held  on  till  he 
gained  the  far  end  of  the  great  float ;  when,  our  arks  made  fast 
behind  it,  we  began  to  go  a-head  in  earnest. 

Safe  now  from  all  attacks  in  the  rear — for  nothing  could  out- 
float  us — and  bidding  defiance  to  planter,  snag,  and  sawyer,  we 
boxed  ourselves  up  for  the  remainder  of  the  night  and  enjoyed 
a  profound  sleep,  awaking  in  due  season  to  the  full  reality  of 
our  improved  condition.  And  here,  writing  in  the  very  noon  of 
gas  and  steam,  I  do  deliberately  say,  after  all  my  experience 
of  cars  and  boats,  that  for  a  party  of  the  proper  sort  nothing  is 
so  delightful,  so  exhilarating,  so  truly  bewitching  to  travel  in,  as 
twin-arks  towed  along  by  an  almost  endless  raft.  To  say  no- 
thing of  our  state  room  for  ladies,  parlour  for  company,  kitchen 
for  cookery,  and  Smith's  whole  ark  extra  for  dining  and  sitting 
— there  was  our  grand  promenade  deck  on  the  raft — a  deck, 
full  three  hundred  feet  long  and  fifty  broad !  What  cared  we 
for  bursting  boilers  1 — what  for  snag  and  sawyer  ?  And  if  any 
serious  inj  ury  happened  to  one  of  the  trio,  or  even  two,  the  third 
unharmed  afforded  retreat  and  shelter.  In  comfort,  convenience 
and  freedom,  two  arks  and  a  long  raft  carry  away  the  palm. 

Indeed,  our  flotilla  was  truly  poetic  and  romantic.  And  never 
before,  certainly  never  since,  was  there  or  has  there  been  such 
a  season.  It  was  an  old-fashioned  April,  and  of  the  most  deli- 
cious sort.  Spring  her  very  self  was  enticed  by  it  from  her 
southern  retreats,  and  came  to  meet  and  conduct  us  to  her 
beauteous  domains.  How  bright  and  warm  and  soft  the  sun- 
light of  tljat  season !  encouraging  flower  and  leaf  to  unfold  their 


44  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

modest  glories  to  the  genial  rays !  Did  a  bank  of  clouds  rest 
on  the  horizon  1  That  was  no  portent  of  storm :  it  was  only 
that  a  single  cloud  might  be  detached  to  sprinkle  river  and  hill 
with  "  the  sunshiny  shower  that  won't  last  an  hour !"  Oh,  the 
joy!  then,  to  watch  the  contest  between  the  rainbow-tinted 
drops  and  misty  sunshine — the  contest  for  victory  !  And  how 
the  fish  leaped  out  to  catch  a  pure  crystal  drop  before  it  fell  and 
mingled  with  the  flood  of  turbid  waters  !  And  the  birds ! — 
they  plunged  into  the  shower  of  liquid  light,  bathing  their  plu- 
mage of  gold  and  scarlet  and  purple,  till  it  seemed  burnished 
still  brighter  in  such  a  bath  ! 

But  the  sunsets,  and  the  twilight!  The  witchery  then  en- 
tranced the  very  soul !  All  of  poetry,  and  of  shadowy  forms, 
and  of  sinless  elysium, — all  of  magic  in  musings  and  dreams — 
all  was  embodied  there !  The  ethereal  floated  on  the  river's 
bosom,  while  its  now  unruffled  waters  floated  our  rude  vessels. 
It  dwelt  in  the  dark  mirror,  where  shadows  of  cliff  and  forest 
pointed  to  a  depth  down,  down  away,  far  beyond  the  sounding- 
line.  It  was  melting  in  the  blazing  river,  whence  farewell  rays 
were  reflected  as  the  sun  hid  behind  some  tall  and  precipitous 
headland.  We  heard  the  unearthly  in  the  whispers  of  eddying 
waters  sporting  around  us;  and  in  the  sweet  and  thrilling 
evening  songs  of  happy  birds !  We  saw  it,  till  the  soul  was 
phrenzied,  as  gliding  past  one  island,  another  in  front  arose  to 
intercept,  and  we  were  seemingly  shut  within  a  fairy  lake, 
never  to  find  an  egress !  And  here  when  the  breath  of  day 
was  done,  and  the  songs  of  the  birds  hushed,  and  Wilmar  or 
Clarence  was  seated  on  the  raft  and  with  a  flute — oh !  the  pure, 
sweet,  plaintive,  joyous,  wild,  ravishing  cries  of  the  echoes  ! 

If  one  would  hear  the  "  magic  flute,"  it  must  be  as  then  and 
there.  The  Muses  haunted  then  the  forest-clad  banks  and 
cliffs ;  and  startled  and  pleased  with  the  melody  of  a  strange 
instrument,  they  caught  its  strains — and  called  to  one  another, 
imitating  its  tones,  till  they  died  away  in  the  distance.  Years 
after  I  passed  up  and  down  that  same  river  in  steamboats — but 
in  vain  did  I  look  for  the  visions  and  listen  for  the  strains  of 
the  by-gone  evenings.  April  had  such  showers  no  more !  The 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  45 

noisy  and  fierce  and  fiery  spirit  of  the  steamers  had  driven 
away  the  gentle  birds  and  heavenly  echoes — and  with  an  op- 
pressed and  melancholy  heart  I  heard,  returning  from  the 
banks,  only  the  angry  roar  of  deserted  and  sullen  and  indig- 
nant forests ! 

The  seventh  day  was  at  its  close,  when  we  deemed  ourselves 
so  near  Limestone — the  modern  Maysville — that  it  was  deter- 
mined to  send  the  colonel  and  the  author  in  the  skiff  to  that 
place,  in  order  to  have  arrangements  made  before  the  arrival 
of  the  grand  flotilla ; — for  there  the  raft  was  to  be  broken  up 
and  scattered,  and  so  was  our  party.  Accordingly,  before  day- 
break on  the  eighth  morning,  we  set  off  with  the  skiff,  agreeing 
to  row  and  steer  alternately,  each  a  mile,  as  near  as  could  be 
guessed  at :  and  this  agreeable  alternation  was  called — SPELL- 
ING one  another.  At  the  end  of  nine  spells,  we  discovered  on 
a  bank,  just  about  "  sunup,"  a  full-grown  male  Buckeye,  a  little 
in  advance  of  his  cabin,  watching  our  progress,  and  we  hailed : 

"  Hallow ! — how  far  to  Limestone  *?" 

"  Ten  miles." 

Ten  miles ! — we  had  thought  it  now  about  a  mile — so  the 
recitation  in  rowing  was  not  ended ;  and  we  went  to  spelling  it 
ten  times  more.  We  were,  of  course,  perfect  by  the  time  we  did 
reach  Limestone ;  at  all  events,  I  was  so  pleased  with  my  im- 
provement, that  from  that  moment  I  have  never  touched  an  oar. 

In  about  an  hour  after  the  colonel-  and  Mr.  Carlton  arrived 
at  port,  the  raft,  its  caboose  in  the  centre,  and  our  arks  in  its 
rear,  hove  in  sight ;  and  we  hurried  to  the  landing  with  sepa- 
rate conveyances  hired  for  our  separate  journeys — alas  ! 


Reader !  which  way  will  you  go  1  With  the  gallant  colonel 
and  the  lovely  Miss  Wilmar,  and  the  faithful  Mr.  Clarence  to 
Lexington  1  or  will  you  stay  with  Mr.  Brown  and  Mr.  Smith  at 
Limestone  1  or  will  you  not  accompany  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Carlton 
to  the  New  Purchase  ]  Perhaps  you  prefer  to  shake  hands 
with  all : — we,  however,  of  the  party,  found  that  no  easy  task. 


46  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

Many  were  our  pretexts  for  lingering — till  at  last  all  pretences 
'exhausted — with  emotion,  ay,  with  tears  that  would  come, 
hands  were  grasped — good  wishes  exchanged — and  we  uttered, 
with  tremulous  voices,  Farewell ! 


CHAPTER   IX. 


THE    SEARCHING. 


"  In  medias  res " 

"Floundering  into  mud 

"  WHO  could  have  dreamed,  my  dear,"  said  Mrs.  C.  to  her 
husband,  "these  forests  so  picturesque  when  seen  from  the 
Ohio,  concealed  such  roads  V1 

Mr.  C.  made  no  reply ;  although  the  phenomenon  was  cer- 
tainly very  remarkable.  In  fact,  his  idea  about  the  Muses  was 
passing  in  review — and  he  thought,  maybe  after  all,  it  was 
something  else  that  had  echoed  the  flute  notes.  The  lady's 
query,  however,  and  the  gentleman's  silence  occurred  about 
thirty  miles  due  north  of  the  Ohio  river,  in  a  very  new  State 
of  the  far  west.  They  were  seated  in  a  two-horse  Yankee  cart 
— a  kind  of  mongrel  dearborne — amid  what  was  now  called 
their  "  plunder  " — with  a  hired  driver  on  the  front  seat,  and 
intending  to  find,  if  possible,  a  certain  spot  in  a  very  uncertain 
part  of  the  New  Purchase — about  one  hundred  and  twenty 
miles  in  the  interior,  and  beyond  Shining  river.  This  was  the 
second  day  in  the  elementary  lessons  of  forest  travelling ;  in 
which,  however,  they  had  been  sufficiently  fortunate  as  to  get  a 
taste  of  "  buttermilk  land," — "  spouty  land," — "  mash  land"— 
"  rooty  and  snaggy  land" — of  mud  holes,  ordinary  and  extra- 
ordinary— of  quick  sands — and  "  corduroys"  woven  single  and 
double  twill — and  even  fords  with  and  without  bottom. 

The  autumn  is  decidedly  preferable  for  travelling  on  the 
virgin  soil  of  native  forests.  One  may  go  then  mostly  by  land 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  47 

and  find  the  roads  fewer  and  shorter ;  but  in  the  early  spring, 
branches — small  creeks — are  brim  full,  and  they  hold  a  great 
deal ;  concealed  fountains  bubble  up  in  a  thousand  places  where 
none  were  supposed  to  lurk ;  creeks  turn  to  rivers,  and  rivers 
to  lakes,  and  lakes  to  bigger  ones ;  and  as  if  this  was  too  little 
water,  out  come  the  mole  rivers  that  have  burrowed  under  the 
earth,  and  which,  when  so  unexpectedly  found,  are  styled  out 
there — "  lost  rivers  !"  And  every  district  of  a  dozen  miles 
square  has  a  lo'st  river.  Travelling  by  land  becomes  of  course 
travelling  by  water,  or  by  both  mixed :  viz.,  mud  and  water. 
Nor  is  it  possible,  if  one  would  avoid  drowning  or  suffocation, 
to  keep  the  law  and  follow  the  blazed  road ;  but  he  tacks  first  to 
the  right  and  then  to  the  left,  often  making  both  losing  tacks ; 
and  all  this,  not  to  find  a  road  but  a  place  where  there  is  no 
road — mud  thick  enough  to  bear,  or  that  has  at  least  some 
bottom. 

Genuine  Hoosiers,  Corn-crackers,  et  id  omne  genus,  viz.,  all  that 
sort  of  geniuses— lose  comparatively  little  time  in  this  species 
of  navigation ;  for  such  know  instinctively  where  it  is  proper 
to  quit  the  submerged  road  of  the  legislature.  And  so  we,  at 
last,  in  utter  despair  of  finding  a  royal  road  to  the  New  Pur- 
chase, did  enter  souse  into  the  most  ill -looking,  dark-coloured 
morasses,  enlivened  by  steams  of  purer  mud  crossing  at  right 
angles,  and  usually  much  deeper  than  we  cared  to  discover. 

The  first  night  we  had  stayed  at  a  "  public;"  yet,  while  the 
tavern  was  of  brick,  candour  forces  me  to  record  that  affairs  so 
much  resembled  the  hardware  and  crockery  in  their  streaked  and 
greasy  state  after  Messrs.  Brown  &  Co.  had  cleaned  them,  that 
we  were  rejoiced — prematurely  however — when  morning  al- 
lowed us,  half-refreshed,  to  resume  our  land  tacking.  But  more 
than  once  afterwards  did  we  sigh  for  the  comforts  of  the  Brick 
Tavern,  with  its  splendid  sign  of  the  sun  rising  and  setting 
between  two  partitions  of  paint  intended  for  hills ;  and  which 
sun  looked  so  much  like  spreading  rays,  that  a  friend  soberly 
asked  us  afterwards — "  If  we  didn't  put  up  the  first  night  at  the 
sign  of  the  Fan  *?" 

This  chapter  opens  UP  after  sunset  on  our  second  day,  and  we 


48  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

inquired  with  much  anxiety  at  a  miserable  cabin,  how  far  it  was 
to  the  next  tavern,  and  were  answered — "  A  smart  bit  yet — 
maybe  more  nor  three  miles  by  the  blaze,  but  the  most  powerful- 
estroad !"  Since  early  morning  we  had,  with  incessant  driving, 
done  nearly  twenty  miles ;  if  then  we  had,  in  a  bad  road,  done 
by  daylight  about  one  and  a  half  miles  per  hour,  how  were  we 
likely  to  do  three  miles  in  the  dark,  and  over  what  a  native 
styled — the  "  most  powerfulest  road  ?"  Hence,  as  the  lady  of 
the  cabin  seemed  kind,  and  more  than  once  expressed  compassion 
for  "  my  womin  body" — so  she  called  Mrs.  C. ; — and  as  she 
"  allowed"  we  had  better  stop  where  we  were,  we  with  a  sud- 
den and  very  respectful  remembrance  of  the  Rising  or  Setting 
Fan  Tavern,  agreed  to  halt.  And  so  ! — at  long  last — we  were 
going  really  and  actually  to  pass  a  night  in  a  veritable,  rity- 
dity  cabin  ! — in  a  vast  forest  too  ! — and  far  enough  from  all  the 
incumbrances  of  eastern  civilization ! 

"  And  did  you  not  thrill,  Mr.  Carlton  ?" 

I  rather  think,  kind  reader — I  did ; — at  least  I  felt  some  sort 
of  a  shiver ;  especially  as  the  gloom  of  the  frightful  shades  in- 
creased ;  and  the  deafening  clangour  of  innumerable  rude  frogs 
in  the  mires  and  on  the  trees  arose  ;  and  the  whirl  and  hum  and 
buzz  of  strange,  savage  insects  and  reptiles,  and  of  winged  and 
unwinged  bugs,  began  and  increased  and  grew  still  louder ;  and 
vapours  damp,  chilly  and  foetid  ascended  and  came  down ;  and 
the  only  field  in  sight  was  a  few  yards  of  "  clearing,"  stuck  with 
trunks  of  "  deadened"  trees  and  great  stumps  blackened  with 
the  fires !  And  I  think  the  thrill,  or  whatever  it  was,  grew  more 
and  more  intense  on  turning  towards  the  onward  road,  and  find- 
ing a  suspicion  in  my  mind  that  it  only  led  to  the  endless  repe- 
tition of  the  agreeable  night  scene  around  us — ah  !  ha  ! — maybe 

to Then  came  retrospective  visions  of  friends  in  the  far  East 

— till — "what?" — I  hardly  know  what — till  something,  how- 
ever, like  a  wish  came,  that  it  were  as  easy  to  float  up  the  Ohio 
as  down.  Heyho ! 

Nor  was  the  cabin  a  fac-simile  of  those  built  in  dreams  and 
novels  and  magazines.  Mine  were  of  bark,  and  as  neat  as  a 
little  girl's  baby  house !  This  had,  indeed,  bark  enough  about, 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  49 

but  still  not  put  up  poetically.  It  was  in  truth  a  barbarous 
rectangle  of  unhewed  and  unbarked  logs,  and  bound  together 
by  a  gigantic  dove-tailing  called  '•'•notching.'1''  The  roof  was 
of  thick,  ricketty  shingles,  called  "  clapboards ;"  which  when  clap- 
ped on  were  held  down  by  longitudinal  poles  kept  apart  by 
shorter  pieces  placed  between  them  perpendicularly.  The  in- 
terstices of  the  log-wall  were  "  chinked" — the  "  chinking"  being 
large  chips  and  small  slabs  dipping  like  strata  of  rocks  in 
geology  ;  and  then  on  the  chinking  was  the  "  daubing" — a  quant, 
suff.  of  yellow  clay,  ferociously  splashed  in  by  the  hand  of  the 
architect,  and  then  left  to  harden  at  its  leisure.  Rain  and  frost 
had  here,  however,  caused  mud  daubing  to  disappear  ;  so  that 
from  without  could  be  clearly  discerned  through  the  wall,  the 
light  of  fire  and  candle,  and  from  within,  the  light  of  sun,  moon 
and  stars — a  fair  and  harmless  tit  for  tat. 

The  chimney  was  outside  the  cabin  and  a  short  distance  from 
it.  This  article  was  built,  as  boys  in  rainy  weather,  make  on 
the  kitchen  hearth  stick  houses  of  light  wood  ; — for  it  consisted 
of  layers  of  little  logs  reposing  on  one  another  at  their  corners 
and  topped  off  when  high  enough  with  flag  stones.  It  was, 
moreover,  daubed,  and  so  admirably  as  to  look  like  a  mud 
stack  !  That,  however,  was,  as  I  afterwards  found,  inartistical 
— the  daubing  of  chimneys  correctly  being  a  very  nice  task,  al. 
though  just  as  dirty  as  political  daubing. 

The  inside  cabin  had  one  room  below  and  one  loft  above — to 
which,  however,  was  no  visible  ascent.  I  think  the  folks 
climbed  up  at  the  corner.  The  room  contained  principally 
beds,  the  other  furniture  being  a  table,  "  stick  chairs,"  and  some 
stools  with  from  two  to  three  legs  apiece.  Crockery  and  cala- 
bashes shared  the  mantel  with  two  dangerous  looking  rifles  and 
powder  horns.  The  iron  ware  shifted  for  itself  about  the  fire- 
place, where  awkward  feet  feeling  for  the  fire  or  to  escape  it, 
pushed  kettle  against  pot  and  skillet  against  dutch  oven. 

What  French  cook   committed  suicide   because  something 

was  not  done  "  to  a  turn  ?"     Ample  poetic  justice  may  be  done" 

to  his  wicked  ghost  by  some  smart  writer,  by  chaining  him 

with  an  iambic  or  two  to  the  jamb  of  that  cabin  hearth — there 

3 


&0  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

for  ever  to  be  a  witness  of  its  cookery.  There  came  first  the 
pettish  outcries  of  two  matron  hens  dangled  along  to  a  hasty 
execution  ;  then  notes  of  preparation  sung  out  by  the  tea-kettle ; 
then  was  jerked  into  position  the  dutch  oven  straddling  with 
three  short  legs  over  the  burning  coals ;  and  lastly  the  skillet 
began  sputtering  forth  its  boiling  lard,  or  grease  of  some  de- 
scription. The  instruments  ready,  the  hostess  aided  by  a  little 
barefooted  daughter,  and  whose  white  hair  was  whisped  at  the 
top  of  the  head  with  a  string  and  horn  comb,  the  hostess  put 
into  the  oven  balls  of  wet  corn  meal,  and  then  slapped  on  the 
lid  red  hot  and  covered  with  coals,  with  a  look  and  motion 
equal  to  this  sentence — "  Get  out  of  that !  till  you're  done." 
Then  the  two  'fowls,  but  a  moment  since  kicking  and  screeching 
at  being  killed,  were  doused  into  the  skillet  into  hot  oil,  where 
they  moved  around  dismembered,  as  if  indignant  now  at  being 
fried. 

We  travellers  shifted  quarters  repeatedly  during  these  solemn 
operations,  sometimes  to  get  less  heat,  sometimes  more,  and 
sometimes  to  escape  the  fumes  direct ;  but  usually,  to  get  out 
of  the  way.  That,  however,  being  impracticable,  we  at  length 
sat  extempore,  and  were  kicked  and  jostled  accordingly.  Tn 
the  meanwhile  our  landlady — in  whom  was  much  curiosity,  a 
little  reverence,  and  a  misty  idea  that  her  guests  were  great 
folks,  and  towards  whom  as  aristocrats  it  was  republican  to  feel 
enmity — our  landlady  maintained  at  intervals  a  very  lively  talk, 
as  for  example  : 

"  From  Loo'ville,  I  allow1?" 

«  No— from  Philadelphia." 

A  sudden  pause — a  turn  to  look  at  us  more  narrowly,  while 
she  still  affectionately  patted  some  wet  meal  into  shape  for  the 
oven. 

"  Well ! — now  ! — I  wonder  ! — hem  !  Come  to  enter  land, 
'spose — powerful  bottom  on  the  Shining — heavy  timber,  though. 
He's  your  old  man,  mam  ?" 

Mrs.  C.  assented.  The  hostess  then  stooped  to  deposit  the 
perfect  ball,  and  continued  : 

"  Our  wooden  country's  mighty  rough,  I  allow,  for  some 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  51 

folks — right  hard  to  git  gals  here,  mam — folks  has  to  be  thar 
own  niggurs,  mam — what  monght  your  name  be  ?" 

Mrs.  C.  told  the  lady,  and  then  in  a  timid  and  piteous  sort  of 
tone  inquired  if  girls  could  not  be  hired  by  the  year1?  To  this 
the  landlady  replied  at  first  with  a  stare — then  with  a  smile — 
and  then  added  : 

"Well  !  sort  a  allow  not — most  time,  mam,  you'll  have  to 
work  your  own  ash-hopper" — "Nan" — name  of  little  flax  head 
— "  Nan,  sort  a  turn  them  thare  chickins." 

And  thus  the  cabin  lady  kept  on  doing  up  her  small  stock  of 
English  into  Hoosierisms  and  other  figures ;  now,  with  the 
question  direct — now,  the  question  implied  ;  then,  with  a  solilo- 
quy— then,  an  apostrophe  :  and  all  the  time  cleaning  and  cutting 
up  chickens,  making  pones,  and  working  and  wriggling  among 
pots,  skillets  and  people's  limbs  and  feet,  with  an  adroitness  and 
grace  gained  by  practice  only ;  and  all  this,  without  upsetting 
any  thing,  scalding  any  body,  or  even  spilling  any  food — except- 
ing, maybe,  a  little  grease,  flour  and  salt.  Nor  did  she  lose 
time  by  dropping  down  curtsey  fashion  to  inspect  the  progress 
of  things  baked  or  fried :  but  she  bent  over  as  if  she  had  hinges 
in  the  hips;  according  to  nature  doubtless,  but  contrary  to  the 
Lady's  Book ;  although  the  backward  motion  made  to  balance 
the  head  projected  beyond  the  base,  did  render  garments  short 
by  nature  still  shorter^  as  grammarians  would  say,  by  position. 

Corn-bread  takes  its  own  time  to  bake.  Hence  it  was  late 
when  the  good  woman,  having  placed  the  "chicken  fixins"  on  a 
large  dinner-plate,  and  poured  over  them  the  last  drop  of  un- 
absorbed  and  unevaporated  oil,  set  all  on  the  table,  and  then, 
giving  her  heated  and  perspiring  face  a  last  wipe  with  the  corner 
of  her  tow-linen  apron,  and  also  giving  her  thumb  and  finger  a 
rub  on  the  same  cleanser,  she  sung  out  the  ordinary  summons : 

"  Well !  come,  sit  up." 

This  sit-up  we  instantly  performed,  while  she  stood  up  to  pour 
out  the  tea,  complimenting  all  the  time  its  quality,  saying — 
"  'Tisn't  nun  of  your  spice-wood  or  yarb  stuff,  but  the  relegineine 
store  tea."  Nanny  remained  near  the  dutch  oven  to  keep  us 
supplied  with  red-hot  pones,  or  corn-balls — and  hard  enough  to 


52  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

do  execution  from  cannon.  The  teacups  used,  held  a  scant  pint ; 
and  to  do  exact  justice  to  each  cup,  the  mistress  held  the  teapot 
in  one  hand  and  the  water-pot  in  the  other,  pouring  from  both 
at  once  till  the  cup  was  brim-full  of  the  mixture : — an  admirable 
system  of  impartiality,  and  if  the  pots  have  spouts  of  equal 
diameters,  the  very  way  to  make  precisely  "  half  and  half."  But 
sorry  am  I  to  say,  that  on  the  present  occasion,  the  water-pot 
had  the  best  and  easiest  delivery. 

"  And  could  you  eat,  Mr.  Carlton  ?" 

How  could  we  avoid  it,  Mr.  Nice  ?  Besides,  we  were  most 
vulgarly  hungry.  And  the  consequence  was,  that,  at  the  arrival 
of  the  woodman  and  his  two  sons,  other  corn-bread  was  baked, 
and,  for  want  of  chicken,  bacon  was  fried. 

"  But  how  did  you  do  about  retiring  ?" 

We  men-folks,  my  dear  Miss,  went  out  to  see  what  sort  of 
weather  we  were  likely  to  have ;  and  on  corning  in  again,  the 
ladies  were  very  modestly  covered  up  in  bed — and  then  we — 
got  into  bed — in  the  usual  way.  I  have  no  doubt  Mr.  Carl  ton 
managed  a  little  awkwardly  :  but  I  fear  the  reader  will  discover, 
that  in  his  attempts  at  doing  as  Rome  does,  Mr.  Carlton  departed 
finally  from  the  native  sweetness  and  simplicity  of  eastern  and 
fashionable  life.  Still  we  seemed  to  leave  rather  an  unfavourable 
impression  at  the  cabin,  since,  before  our  setting  out  in  the 
morning,  the  landlady  told  the  driver  privately — "  Well !  I 
allow  the  stranger  and  his  woman-body  thinks  theirself  mighty 
big-bugs — but  maybe  they  aint  got  more  silver  than  Squire 
Snoddy  across  Big  Bean  creek ;  and  his  wife  don't  think  nuthin 
on  slinging  round  like  her  gal — but  never  mind,  maybe  Mrs. 
Callten,  or  Crawltin,  or  something  or  nuther,  will  larn  how  too." 
—Oh!— 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  53 


CHAPTER    X. 

"Go  on— Sir." 

"  REALLY,  Mr.  Carlton,  unless  you  tell  us  whither  you  are 
travelling  we  will  proceed  no  further." 

And  really  I  could  not  blame  you,  friends,  since,  had  it  not 
been  for  very  shame  and  impracticability,  we  ourselves,  on  the 
third  morning,  would  have  imitated  Sawney  of  apple-orchard 
memory,  and  "crawled  back  again."  But  I  am  on  the  very 
point  of  telling  as  distinctly  as  possible  about  our  destination — 
and  as  you  have  got  thus  far,  and  have  paid*  (?)  for  the  book, 
you  may  as  well  finish  it. 

We  are  proceeding  as  slowly  as  we  can  in  search  of  the  Glen- 
ville Settlement,  a  place  somewhere  in  the  New  Purchase.  We 
hope  to  find  there,  my  wife's  mother,  my  wife's  aunt,  my  wife's 
uncle,  and  her  sisters  and  her  brother,  John  Glenville.  One  of 
my  purposes  is  to  become  Mr.  Glenville's  partner  in  certain 
land  speculations,  and  with  him  to  establish  a  store  and  also  a 
tannery.  Of  the  New  Purchase  itself  we  will  speak  at  large 
•when  we  reach  that  famous  country.  As  to  Glenville  Settle- 
ment itself,  lofty  opinions  of  its  elegancies  began  to  fall,  and 
misgivings  to  be  felt,  that  its  houses  would  be  found  no  better 
than  they  ought  to  be :  and  in  these  we  were  not  disappointed, 
as  the  reader  may  in  time  discover. 

The  third  night  of  the  Searching  now  approached;  and  we 
had  come  to  a  very  miserable  hut,  a  ferry-house,  on  the  top  of 
a  high  bluff,  and  fully  a  quarter  of  a  mile  from  the  creek  below. 
An  ill-natured  young  girl  was  apparently  the  sole  occupant; 
and  she,  for  some  reason,  refused  to  ferry  us  over  the  water 
stating,  indeed,  that  the  creek  could  as  yet  be  forded,  but  giving 
us  no  satisfactory  directions  how  to  find  or  keep  the  ford.  Judge 

*  Persons  that  borrow  this  work,  will  of  course  read  it  through. 


54  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

our  feelings,  then,  on  getting  to  the  bank,  to  find  a  black,  sullen 
and  swollen  river,  twenty  yards  wide — a  scow  tied  at  the  end 
of  the  road — and  that  road  seeming  to  enter  upon  the  ford,  if,, 
indeed,  any  ford  was  there !  I  stepped  into  the  boat,  and,  with 
its  "  setting-pole,"  felt  for  the  ford ;  and  happily  succeeded  in 
finding  the  bottom  when  the  pole  was  let  down  a  little  beyond 
six  feet ! 

No  house,  except  the  ferry-hut  on  the  bluff  above,  was  on  this 
side  the  water  for  many  a  long  and  weary  mile  back ;  and  be- 
yond the  water  was  a  low,  marshy  and  terrific  beech-wood,  and, 
from  its  nature,  known  to  be  necessarily  uninhabited  :  so  that, 
unless  we  could  help  ourselves,  nobody  else  was  likely  to  help. 
With  great  difficulty,  therefore,  and  no  small  danger  from  our 
want  of  skill  and  hands  enough,  we  "  set"  ourselves  over  in  the 
scow :  and  when  safely  landed  in  the  mud  beyond,  we  at  first 
determined  to  let  the  boat  go  adrift  as  a  small  punishment  to 
the  villainy  of  the  ferry  people;  but  reflecting  that  possibly 
some  benighted  persons  might  suffer  by  this  vengeance,  we  tied 
the  scow — and  splattered  on.  In  half  a  mile,  strange  enough, 
we  met  a  large  party  of  women  and  children,  to  whom  we  told 
what  had  happened  and  what  had  been  done  with  the  scow :  on 
which  they  cordially  thanked  us,  it  being  necessary  for  them  to 
cross  the  river,  and  in  return  assured  us  of  a  better  road  not 
very  far  forward,  and  which  led  to  "  a  preacher's"  house,  where 
we  should  find  a  comfortable  home  and  a  welcome  for  the 
night. 

What  the  oasis  of  dry  deserts  is,  all  know ;  but  the  oasis  of 
waste  woods"  and  waters  is — a  clearing  with  its  dry  land  and 
sunlit  opening.  Such  was  now  before  us,  not  indeed  sunlit — 
for  the  sun  was  long  since  set — and  in  the  midst  of  a  very  ex- 
tensive clearing  was  not  a  cabin,  but  a  veritable  two-story 
house  of  hewn  and  squared  timbers,  with  a  shingle  roof,  and 
smoke  curling  gracefully  upward  from  its  stone  chimney  !  Yes, 
and  there  were  corn-cribs,  and  smoke  house,  and  barn,  and  out- 
houses of  all  sorts:  and  removed  some  distance  from  all,  was 
the  venerable  cabin  in  a  decline— the  rude  shell  of  the  family 
in  its  chrysalis  state ! 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  55 

But  our  reception  ! — it  was  a  balm  and  a  cordial.  We  found, 
not  indeed  the  parade  and  elegant  variety  of  the  East,  but  neat 
apartments,  refreshing  fire  after  the  chill  damps  of  the  forest,  a 
parlour  separate  from  the  kitchen,  and  bedrooms  separate  from 
both  and  from  one  another.  There,  too,  if  memory  serves 
right,  were  six  pretty,  innocent  girls — no  sons  Belonged  to  the 
family — coarsely  but  properly  dressed ;  and  who  were  all 
modest  and  respectful  to  their  elders  and  superiors — a  very  rare 
thing  in  the  New  Purchases,  and,  since  the  reign  of  Intellect,  a 
rarer  thing  than  formerly  in  most  Old  Purchase  countries. 
The  mere  diffusion  of  "  knowledges,"  without  discipline  of  mind 
in  their  attainment,  is  not  so  favourable  to  virtue  and  good 
manners  as  Lyceum  men  think.  Our  six  little  girls  were 
mainly  educated  on  Bible  principles — living  fortunately  in  that 
dark  age  when  every  body's  education  was  not  managed  by 
legislatures  and  taxes.  The  law  administered  by  irreligious  or 
infidel  statesmen,  or  by  selfish  demagogues,  is  always  opposed 
to  the  Gospel. 

No  pains  were  spared  by  the  whole  family  in  our  entertain- 
ment: and  all  was  done  from  benevolence,  as  if  we  were 
children  and  relatives.  The  Rev.  William  Parsons  and  his 
lady,  our  hosts,  had  never  been  in  the  East,  or  in  any  other 
school  of  the  Humanities ;  and  yet  with  exceptions  of  some 
prejudices,  rather  in  favour,  however,  of  the  West  than  against 
the  East,  this  gentleman  and  lady  both  beautifully  exemplified 
the  innate  power  of  Christian  principles  to  make  men  not  only 
kind  and  generous,  but  courteous  and  polite. 

In  my  dreams  no  oasis  of  this  kind  had  appeared — yet  none 
is  so  truly  lovely  as  that  where  religion  makes  the  desert  and 
the  wilderness  blossom  as  the  rose.  I  have  been  much  in  the 
company  of  clergy  and  laity  both,  and  in  many  parts  of  the 
Union,  and  my  settled  belief  in  consequence  is,  that  the  true 
ministers  of  the  Gospel,  in  spite  of  supposed  characteristical 
faults  and  defects,  and  prejudices,  are,  as  a  class,  decidedly 
among  the  very  best  and  noblest  of  men. 

We  discovered  that  Mr.  Parsons,  like  most  located  and  per- 
manent pastors  of  a  wooden  country,  received  almost  literally 


56  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

nothing  for  ecclesiastical  services.  Nay,  Mrs.  Parsons  inci- 
dentally remarked  to  Mrs.  C.  that  for  seven  entire  years  she 
had  never  seen  together  ten  dollars  either  in  notes  or  silver ! 
Hence,  although  suspecting  he  would  refuse,  and  fearing  that 
the  offer  might  even  distress  him,  I  could  not  but  sincerely  wish 
Mr.  P.  would  accept  pay  for  our  entertainment :  and  the  offer 
was  at  last  made  in  the  least  awkward  way  possible.  But  in 
vain  was  every  argument  employed  by  me,  that  decorum 
would  allow,  to  induce  his  acceptance — he  utterly  refused,  only 
saying : — "  My  dear  young  friend,  pay  it  to  some  preacher  of 
the  Gospel,  and  in  the  same  way  and  spirit  the  present  service 
is  rendered  to  you."  And  here,  in  justice  to  ourselves,  we 
must  be  permitted  to  record  that  we  did  most  gladly,  and  on 
many  more  occasions  than  one,  repay  our  debt  to  Mr.  Parsons 
in  the  way  enjoined. 

Formerly  it  was  indeed  rare,  that  any  one  in  the  Far  West, 
however  poor,  ferryman  or  tavern  keeper,  would  ask  or  take 
if  offered,  a  cent  for  his  services  from  any  man  known  as  a 
preacher.  True,  the  immunity  existed  in  a  few  places  under  a 
belief  that  preachers  ought  not  to  expect  or  receive  the  smallest 
salary ;  and  sometimes  a  preacher  was  actually  questioned  on 
that  point,  and  treated  according  to  his  answer :  but  still  in  the 
primitive  times,  especially  of  the  New  Purchase,  the  vast 
majority  of  woodsmen  would  have  indignantly  scouted  the 
thought  of  demanding  pay  from  a  preacher,  and  that  whether 
he  received  a  small  stipend  for  his  services,  or  as  was  the  com- 
mon case,  nothing.  Once  a  clerical  friend  of  the  author's 
travelled  nearly  one  thousand  miles  in  woods  and  prairies,  and 
brought  back  in  his  inexpressib fes-pocket,  the  identical  pecunia 
carried  with  him  for  expenses — viz.,  Fifty  Cents !  That,  on 
leaving  home,  he  had  supposed  would  be  enough  ; — it  proved 
too  much ! 

During  my  Western  sojourn,  I  was  powerfully  impressed 
with  the  importance  and  necessity  of  forming  a  new  Society ; 
nor  has  the  notion  been  abandoned  since  leaving  that  country. 
I  have  been  indeed  always  deterred  from  making  the  attempt, 
from  its  internal  difficulty,  from  its  entire  novelty,  and  a  deep 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  57 

| 

settled  conviction  of  its  great  unpopularity.  Indeed,  I  fear  the 
thing  is  wholly  impracticable  in  an  age  when  all  kinds  of  public 
instruction  is  gratuitous — and  it  is  deemed  enough  to  be 
honoured  with  a  hearing  in  public,  and  to  hear  the  criticisms  of 
audiences  that  all  know  all  things,  and  even  something  to  boot, 
as  well  and  maybe  a  little  better  than  the  literati  themselves. 
But  so  much  would  my  scheme,  if  adopted,  do  to  alleviate  the 
great  distresses,  anxieties  and  privations  of  many  very  worthy 
clergymen,  that  I  will  venture  to  give  a  hint  of  the  plan,  even 
though  I  may  be  deemed  a  visionary.  The  Society  I  propose  is 
to  bear  this  title  : — 

"  The-make-congregations-pAY-what-they-voluntarily-pROMiSE- 
Society."  For  which  I  shall  only  now  name  one  reason — viz., 
that  most  clergymen  do  perform  all  they  ever  promise — and 
often  a  very  great  deal  more.  If  the  Society  is  now  ever 
formed  by  others,  I  must  here  once  for  all,  however,  positively 
decline  the  honour  of  being  one  of  the  travelling  agents — I  can 
stand  some  storms,  but  not  all. 

Certain  wits  sneer  here,  and  reversing  the  Indian's  remark, 
say  "  poor  preach — poor  pay ;"  and  please  themselves  with 
drawing  contrasts  between  the  Western  and  the  Eastern  styles 
of  preaching.  But  take  away  libraries  from  our  preachers,  take 
away  the  sympathy  and  the  applause ;  make  such  work,  not 
with  small  and  incompetent  stipends  as  is  the  case  pretty  gen- 
erally here — in  the  civilized  States — but  with  no  salary  what- 
ever ;  make  them  work,  chop  wood,  plough,  ride  day  after  day, 
and  night  after  night  in  dim,  perilous,  endless  wilds;  bid  them 
preach  in  the  open  air  or  between  two  cabins,  or  in  an  open 
barn,  or  even  bar-room,  without  notes  or  preparation,  and  all 
this  weary,  sick,  jaded ;  smoke  and  suffocate  them  in  a  cold, 
cheerless  day,  with  a  fire  not  within  but  without  the  house,  to 
which  the  congregation  repair  during  the  sermon  in  committees 
both  for  heat  and  gossip — do  all  this  and  we  shall  hear  no  more 
of  the  contrast.  And  yet  within  those  grand  old  woods  you 
shall  often  hear  bursts  of  eloquence — stirring  appeals— strains 
of  lofty  poetry — ay,  the  thunderings  of  resistless  speech,  that 
would  move  and  entrance,  through  all  their  length  and  breadth, 
3* 


58  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

the  cushioned  seats  of  our  bedizzened  churches !  True,  as  a 
whole,  even  such  discourses  may  not  do  to  print.  What  then  ? 
Is  a  sermon  the  best  adapted  to  be  spoken,  always  the  best  to 
be  printed?  Does  not  the  patent  steam  press  squeeze  the  very 
life  and  soul  out  of  most  sermons "?  Granted  that  the  notes  of  a 
preacher  may  be  printed  as  the  notes  of  a  musician — still  that 
preacher  himself  must  be  present  to  make  his  notes  speak  forth 
the  latent  sense — and  if  he  find  not  the  sense  and  spirit  there  he 
expected — to  put  them  there  at  the  impulse  of  -the  moment. 
The  very  Reverend  Lord  Bishop  Baltimore — 

"  Mr.  Carlton  ! — we  are  impatient  to  continue  the  search  for 
Glenville." 

Oh  !  yes — true — true  ! — advance  we  then  to  a  new  chapter. 


CHAPTER    XI. 

"  Cum  subitb  e  sylvis,  made  confecta  suprema 
Ignoti  nova  forma  viri,  miserandaque  cultu, 
Respicimus  :  dira  illuvies,  imrnissaque  barba, 
Consertuni  tegmen  spinis." 

What  strange  form  of  unknown  Hoosier 

In  most  shocking  bad  hat  rises  sudden  1 
His  never-name-ems  torn,  disflgur'd!    Him— 
Self  hid,  in  part,  'hind  hedge  of  matted  beard 
Fall'n  a  good  way  down  on  robes,  with  sharp  thorns 
Pinn'd,  'stead  of  buttons,  or  of  hooks  and  eyes  I 

ON  the  morning  of  the  fourth  day,  about  ten  o'clock,  A.  M., 
we  emerged  from  the  forest  upon  a  clearing  one  mile  in  length, 
and  a  half  a  mile  in  breadth  :  and  nearly  in  its  centre  stood 
Woodville,  the  capital  of  the  NEW  PURCHASE — a  village  just 
hewed  and  hacked  out  of  the  woods,  fresh,  rough,  and  green. 
And  this  identical  town,  reader,  is,  we  are  informed,  about 
twenty  miles  from  Glenville — save  in  the  contraction  of  the 
roads  in  dry  seasons,  when  the  distance  is  variously  estimated 
at  from  sixteen  to  nineteen  miles.  And  as  we  have  a  letter  of 
introduction  to  Dr.  Sylvan  of  the  capital,  and  shall  remain  here 
an  hour,  it  seems  the  very  time  to  describe  Woodville,  ia  and 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  59 

about  which,  as  the  centre  of  our  orbit,  we  moved  for  nearly 
eight  years. 

Woodville  was  now  almost  three  years  old  ;  large,  however, 
for  its  age,  and  dirty  as  a  neglected  urchin  of  the  same  years, 
and  rough  as  a  motherless  cub.  It  was  the  destined  seat  of  a 
University :  hence  when  Mind  whose  remarkable  tramp  was 
now  being — (hem!) — heard,  halted  here  in  its  march  some 
years  after,  in  the  shape  of  sundry  learned  and  great  men,  we 
were  all  righted  up,  licked  into  shape,  and  clarified.  But  to  day, 
never  were  strange  animals  so  stared  at,  walked  around  and  re- 
marked upon  near  at  hand  by  the  brave,  and  peeped  at  by  the 
modest  and  timid  from  chinks  and  openings,  as  were  we,  tame 
and  civilized  bipeds,  Mr.  and  Mrs.  C.,  by  our  fellow  creatures  of 
Woodville.  Why,  we  could  not  then  conjecture — unless  because 
Mr.  C.  wore  a  coat  and  was  shaved — or  because  Mrs.  C.  had  on 
no  cap,  and  a  cap  there  was  worn  by  all  wives  old  and  young — 
a  sign  in  fact  of  the  conjugal  relation — and  so  it  was  "  suspi- 
cioned"  if  Mrs.  C.  was  not  my  wife,  she  ought  to  be. 
N.  B.  The  caps  most  in  vogue  then  were  made  of  dark,  coarse, 
knotted  twine,  like  a  cabbage  net — and  were  worn  expressly  as 
the  wives  themselves  said — "  to  save  slicking  up  every  day,  and 
to  hide  dirt !" 

But  here  comes  Dr.  Sylvan,  and  we  must  introduce  him, 
First,  however,  be  it  understood  that  Woodville  even  then,  had 
two  classes,  the  superior  and  the  inferior ;  the  former  shaved 
once  a  week,  the  latter  once  in  two  weeks,  or  thereabouts.  At 
our  first  meeting,  which  was  accidental,  I  was  at  a  loss  where 
to  class  my  friend  ;  and  had  we  not  already  acquired  some  art 
in  decyphering  character  by  studying  the  countenance  and  the 
mien,  and  not  by  looking  at  the  dress,  or  rather  the  want  of  it, 
we  should  have  fallen  into  a  great  mistake  about  this  true 
Christian  and  gentleman. 

Shoes  he  wore,  it  is  true — but  one  a  coarse  cow-hide  laced 
boot,  the  other  a  calf-skin  Jefferson,  or  some  other  presidential 
name.  And  this  latter  was  well  blacked,  though  not  shiney ; 
but  the  cow-hide  had  been  two  stiff,  stubborn,  and  greasy,  to 
receive  its  portion.  Above  the  Jefferson  was  a  stockingless 


60 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 


ancle — presumptive,  and  even  a  fortiori  evidence  that  the  ancle 
in  the  boot  was  in  a  natural  condition.  Coat  he  wore  none  ; 
but  he  had  on  a  Kentucky-jean  vest,  open  to  its  lowest  button, 
and  allowing  the  display  of  a  reddish-yellow  flannel  shirt  bosom, 
his  arms  being  encased  in  sleeves  of  thick  cotton  something,  and 
all  unembroidered.  As  a  rare  extravagance,  and  which  placed 
him  in  the  aristocratic  class  of  democrats,  the  Doctor  wore,  not 
carried,  a  pocket-handkerchief;  and  he  wore  it  circumambient — 
the  cotton  bandana  going  over  one  shoulder,  and  under  the  op- 
posite arm,  and  then  both  ends  met  and  were  tied  just  above 
the  os  femoris.  This  luxury,  however,  was  used  only  as  "a 
sweat  rag,"  and  not  as  "  a  nose-cloth," — delicate  names  applied 
appropriately  to  a  handkerchief,  as  it  was  employed  to  wipe  off 
perspiration  or  to  blow  the  nose.  As  to  the  Doctor's  nose,  it 
was,  in  its  necessities,  most  cruelly  pinched  and  twisted  between 
his  finger  and  thumb ;  and  these  were  then  wiped  on  the  rag 
just  mentioned — on  the  plan  of  the  man  that  topped  the  candle 
with  his  fingers,  and  deposited  the  burnt  wick  in  the  snuffers. 
The  operation  was  certainly  performed  with  great  skill,  yet  it 
seemed  unnatural  at  the  time ;  and  it  was  not  till  we  had  seen 
the  governor  himself  in  a  stump  speech,  and  the  judge  on  the 
bench,  perform  the  same  instinctively  and  involuntarily,  that  we 
came  to  regard  the  affair  as  natural,  and  to  conclude  that,  after 
all,  handkerchiefs  were  nothing  more  than  civil  conveniences. 

Such  was  the  leaden  casket — the  outer  man ;  but  reader, 
within  was  a  rare  jewel.  With  a  little  fixing,  this  gentleman 
would  easily  have  adorned  and  delighted  the  best  company  in 
the  best  places.  He  was  a  brave  soldier,  an  able  statesman^ 
and  a  skilful  physician ;  and  if  not  learned,  he  was  extensively 
and  even  profoundly  read  in  his  favourite  studies,  medicine  and 
politics.  His  person,  disfigured  even  by  his  dress,  was  uncom- 
monly fine,  his  countenance  prepossessing,  and  his  conversation 
easy,  pleasant,  and  instructive.  In  the  legislative  assemblies  he 
was  highly  respected,  and  often  his  influence  there  was  un- 
bounded ;  and  happily  that  influence  was  usually  well  directed. 
The  Doctor,  in  short,  would  have  graced  the  hall  at  Wash- 
ington. As  a  husband  and  a  father,  no  man  was  ever  more 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  61 

affectionate ;  and  as  a  physician,  none  more  kind,  tender,  and 
anxious — indeed  he  not  only  prescribed  for  a  patient,  but  as 
far  as  possible,  nursed  him.  It  was  strange,  however,  that 
so  brave  a  man  in  the  field,  should  have  been  occasionally 
cowed  in  the  presence  of  political  foes — but  so  it  was ;  and  this 
was  the  only  blemish  in  a  man  otherwise  so  good,  noble,  and 
generous. 

Other  citizens  may  be  introduced  hereafter ;  at  present  we 
shall  speak  of  Woodville  itself.  This  was,  as  has  been  stated, 
the  capital  of  the  New  Purchase — the  name  of  a  tract  of  land 
very  lately  bought  from  the  Indians,  or  the  Abor'rejines,  as  the 
Ohio  statesman  had  just  then  named  them,  in  his  celebrated 
speech  in  the  legislature  : — "  Yes,  Mr.  Speaker,  yes,  sir,"  sai4 
he,  "  I'd  a  powerful  sight  sooner  go  into  retiracy  among  the  red, 
wild,  Abor'rejines  of  our  wooden  country,  nor  consent  to  that 
bill."  The  territory  lay  between  the  north  and  south  Shining 
rivers — called  sometimes  the  Shinings,  sometimes  the  Shineys, 
from  the  purity  of  the  waters  and  the  brightness  of  the  sands — 
and  it  contained  fine  land,  well  timbered  and  rolling.  The  white 
population  was  very  sparse,  and  mainly  very  poor  persons,  very 
illiterate,  and  very  prejudiced,  with  all  the  virtues  and  vices  be- 
longing to  woodsmen.  Among  them  were  few,  indeed  scarcely 
any,  persons  born  east  of  the  mountains ;  and  our  community 
was  a  pure  Western  one — men  of  the  remote  West  being  by 
far  the  majority  of  the  settlers. 

As  a  tribe,  the  Indians  had  themselves  "  gone  into  retiracy," 
away  beyond  the  great  father  of  waters ;  yet  many  lingered  in 
their  favourite  hunting-grounds  and  around  the  graves  of  warri- 
ors and  chieftains  ;  and  we  often  met  them  in  the  lonely  parts  of 
the  wilderness,  seemingly  dejected  ;  and  now  and  then  they 
came  gliding  like  sad  spectres  into  Woodville.  The  town  itself 
stood  on  the  site  of  their  own  wigwam  village.  Here  they  spent 
hour  after  hour,  with  unerring  arrows  splitting  apples  and  knock- 
ing off  sixpences  some  fifty  or  eighty  yards  distant ;  and  once  when 
taunted  for  want  of  skill,  on  assurance  of  immunity,  they  grati- 
fied and  surprised  us  by  sending  two  arrows  against  the  ball  of 
the  court-house  steeple,  full  seventy  feet  high,  and  with  force 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

enough  to  leave  two  holes  in  its  gilt  sides — and  these  the  Doc- 
tor writes  me,  remain  to  this  day. 

The  grand  building  then  was  this  very  court-house.  Its  order 
of  architecture  I  never  ascertained — it  was,  however,  most  cer- 
tainly a  pile.  The  material  was  brick  of  a  fever-colour ;  the 
building  being  kept  under  and  down  by  the  steeple  just  named, 
which  topped  off  with  its  gilded  ball  and  spire,  straddled  the  roof, 
determined  to  keep  the  ascendancy.  The  vane  was  an  uncom- 
monly wise  one,  utterly  refusing,  like  earthly  weathercocks  and 
demagogues,  to  turn  about  by  every  wind ;  and  yet  when  in  the 
humour  it  whirled  about  just  as  it  pleased,  and  without  any 
wind — emblem  of  our  hunters  and  woodsmen,  who  seemed  to 
like  the  vane  for  its  very  inconsistency  and  independence. 
From  the  road  or  street  a  double  door  opened  immediately  into 
the  court-room.  This  was  paved  all  over  with  brick,  to  cool  the 
bare  feet  in  summer,  and  in  winter  to  bear  the  incessant  stamp- 
ing of  feet  shod  with  bull-skin  boots  armed  to  the  centre  of  the 
sole  with  enormous  heels,  and  with  the  sole  and  all  fortified  with 
rows  of  shingle  nails: — four  such  feet  were  equal  to  one  rough- 
shod horse.  The  pave  was,  of  course,  dust  sometimes,  some- 
times mortar.  Each  side  the  door  and  within  the  room  were 
stairs.  These  were  deflected  from  a  perpendicular  just  enough 
to  rest  at  the  top,  like  a  ladder  to  a  new  building  in  a  city  ;  so 
that  we  climbed,  ladder-like,  to  our  second  story,  where  several 
rooms  were  found  well  finished  and  convenient  for  their  uses — 
the  sole  excellency  in  the  structure. 

West  from  this  citadel  of  justice  was  the  guardian  of  liberty — 
the  jail ;  the  close  vicinity  of  the  two  reminding  one  forcibly  of 
a  doctor's  shop  adjoining  a  grave  yard.  This  keep,  in  its  con- 
struction, was  in  imitation  of  a  conjuror's  series  of  box  within 
box ;  for  first  was  an  exterior  brick  house,  and  then  within  it 
another  house  of  hewed  logs.  No  wall,  however,  surrounded 
the  prison ;  hence,  from  its  only  cell  prisoners  used,  through  a 
little  grated  window  open  to  the  public  square,  to  converse  un- 
restrained with  their  friends  or  attorneys.  The  consequence  uni- 
formly was  a  very  magical  trick,  the  exact  reverse  of  what  hap- 
pened with  the  wizard  boxes  :  for  while  the  piece  of  silver  con- 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  63 

jured  from  your  fingers  would  most  miraculously  be  found  in 
the  very  last  of  the  indwelling  series,  the  condemned  thief  or 
murderer  safely  caged  in  our  interior  cell,  at  the  very  moment 
the  officers  wished  him  to  come  and  be  hung,  or  some  such  ex- 
altation, lo !  and  behold !  then  and  there — the  criminal  was  not! 
And  at  every  renewal  of  this  curious  trick,  which  was  two  or 
three  times  a  year,  we  were  as  much  amazed  as  ever  ! 

Getting  out  was  still  a  little  troublesome,  more  so  at  least 
than  not  getting  in  ;  and  so  a  rowdy  school-master  of  the  Pur- 
chase, against  whom  were  charges  of  assault  and  battery,  used 
this  preventive.  He  had  given  bail  for  his  appearance,  but  the 
day  before  the  trial  the  following  was  inserted  in  our  Woodville 
paper— the  "  Great  Western  Republican  Democrat :" — 

"  Melancholy. — The  body  corporate  of  Mr.  Patrick  Erin, 
school -master  of  Harman's  Bottom,  was  found  lodged  in  some 
brush  below  the  log  across  Shelmire's  Creek.  It  is  known  he 
left  town  yesterday  in  a  state  of  intoxicated  inebriety,  and  with 
a  jug  of  the  critter,  so  that  as  he  tried  to  cross  in  the  great 
fresh  he  slipped  off  and  was  drowned" 

,  Accounts,  indictments,  charges,  and  so  on,  were  all  quashed 
— and  then  the  day  after,  Mr.  Patrick  Erin  that  was  lately 
drowned,  or  somebody  exactly  like  him,  was  reeling  about  the 
court-yard,  pretty  well  corned,  to  the  amazement  of  us  all, 
judge,  grand  jury,  and  citizens.  The  scamp  had  written  the 
"Melancholy"  for  the  paper  himself — and  for  that  time  es- 
caped all  prosecutions. 

Churches  at  the  era  of  the  Searching,  if  by  a  church  be  meant 
according  to  certain  syllogisms  in  school  logic,  "  a  building  of 
stone,"  did  not  grace  our  capital.  But  if  by  church  we  under- 
stand "a  congregation,"  then  churches  were  about  as  plenty  as 
private  houses.  We  numbered  five  hundred  citizens,  and  these 
all  belonged  to  some  one  or  more  of  our  Ten  Religious  Sects — 
hence  almost  every  house-keeper  had  a  "  meeting  "  of  his  own. 
and  in  his  own  dwelling.  I  fear  we  were  in  all  things  too 
superstitious,  and  that  some  of  us  worshipped  an  unknown 
God.  Indeed  most  that  was  done  at  many  of  our  meetings, 
was  to  revile  others  and  glorify  ourselves.  Judge,  however, 


64  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

reader,  of  the  nature  of  our  fanaticism  by  an  instance  or  two 
that  occurred  when  I  resided  afterwards  in  Woodville.  I  had 
a  neighbour  who  conducted  private  prayer,  not  by  entering  his 
closet  and  shutting  the  door,  but  by  opening  his  doors  and 
windows,  and  praying  so  awfully  loud,  that  we  could  distinctly 
hear  and  see  him  too,  from  our  house  distant  from  his  a  full 
half-furlong !  But  again,  some  extra  saints,  wishing  to  worship 
on  a  high  place,  used  to  resort  to  the  top  of  the  court-house 
steeple  !  A  peculiar  grumble  repeatedly  heard  thence  several 
evenings  in  succession,  after  sunset,  induced  several  profane 
persons  to  clamber  up  to  ascertain  the  cause — and  there,  sure 
enough,  were  the  steeple  saints  away  up  towards  heaven,  at 
their  devotions ! — pity  they  ever  came  down  to  earth  again — 
they  fell  away  from  grace  afterwards,  and  died,  I  fear,  and 
made  no  sign  ! 

Household  churches  are  sometimes  very  unfavourable  to 
devotion  and  elocution,  especially  if  children  belong  to  the 
establishment.  If  such,  indeed,  are  of  the  class  mammilla,  they 
may  be  nursed  into  order:  but  no  apples,  cookies,  maple-sugar, 
little  tin  cups  and  hardware  mugs  of  milk  or  spring  water,  can 
keep  quiescent  those  that  are  independent  of  the  milky  way. 
True,  they  are  at  last  captured,  after  eluding  a  dozen  hands, 
and  laughing  at  nods,  frowns,  and  twisted  faces,  arid  are  then 
hurried  off,  kicking  away  at  the  air  and  knocking  off  a  sun-bon- 
net or  two  near  the  door-way — but  then  the  "  screamer !" — 
and  this  followed  by  the  clamour  between  the  belligerents  out- 
side— she  administering  a  slapping  dose  of  the  wise  man's  pre- 
scription, and  it  exclaiming,  indignant  and  outrageous  at  the 
medicine ! 

In  one  house  where  we  often  went  to  meeting,  the  owner, 
annoyed  in  the  week  by  customers  leaving  an  inner  door  open, 
had  posted  up  within  the  room  and  on  that  door  the  following, 
and  in  large  letters  : 

"  If  you  please,  shut  the  door,  and  if  you  don't  please — shut 
it  any  how !" 

The  preacher  did  not  seem  greatly  disturbed  at  the  first 
glance — but  alas ! — my  weak  thoughts  wandered  away  to  the 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  65 

apostolic  churches  somewhere,  and  fancied  the  surprise  of  clergy 
and  laity,  if  by  any  modern  miracle,  this  ingenious  caution  had, 
late  on  Saturday  night,  taken  the  place  of  certain  golden  in- 
scriptions ! 

The  universal  address  on  entering  a  house,  after  a  premoni- 
tory rap  or  kick  at  the  door,  was — "  Well !  who  keeps  house  ?" 
It  was  a  kind  of  visiting  appogiatura  to  smooth  the  abruptness 
of  ingress.  Once  in  a  domestic  meeting,  we  were  listening 
devoutly  to  the  preacher,  when  a  neighbour  came,  for  the  first 
time  indeed,  but  by  express  invitation,  to  our  meeting ;  and 
after  tying  his  horse,  putting  the  stirrups  over  the  saddle  and 
pulling  down  his  tow-linen  trowsers,  he  advanced  to  the  house 
and  startled  both  minister  and  people  by  administering  a  smart 
prefatory  rap  to  the  door  cheek,  and  drawling  out  in  a  slow,  but 
very  loud  tone,  the  usual  formula — "  W-e-11 — who — keeps — 
house?" — when  he  squeezed  in  among  us  and  took  a  seat  as 
innocent  as  a  babe.  Query  for  casuists — Is  it  always  sinful  to 
laugh  in  meeting  ? 

One  more,  dear  reader,  from  our  string  of  onions,  and  we 
suspend  at  present  the  ecclesiastical  history.  A  hostess  who 
had  a  church  in  her  house,  found  her  dinner  often  delayed  by 
the  length  of  the  services,  and  therefore  insisted  that  a  friend  of 
mine,  who  was  the  preacher,  should  shorten  the  exercises ; 
which  occasioned  the  following  colloquy  : 

"  Sister  Nancy,  we  must  not  starve  our  souls." 

"  Well,  I  allow  we'll  starve  our  bodies  then  !" 

"  By  no  means,  sister,  is  that  necessary — " 

"  Well — how  in  creation  is  a  body  to  have  dinner  if  a  body 
aint  time  to  cook  it  1" 

"  Why,  sister,  as  soon  as  you  hear  amen  to  the  sermon — clap 
on  the  pot !" 

Sister  Nancy  ever  after  obeyed ;  and  so  the  pork,  cabbage, 
and  all  that  constitute  a  regular  Sunday  mess,  were  bubbling 
away  in  the  prophet's  pot  about  the  time  the  final  hymns, 
prayers,  exhortations,  and  other  appendices  to  the  regular  wor- 
ship were  ended : — a  beautiful  verification  of  the  remark,  that 


66  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

"  some  things  can  be  done  as  well  as  others,"  and,  as  may  be 
added,  at  the  very  same  time  too. 

As  to  our  private  edifices,  the  description  of  one  will  aid  an 
ordinary  imagination  to  picture  the  rest.  And  we  select  Dr. 
Sy Ivan's;  he  being  of  the  magnates,  and  his  house  being  builded 
by  special  order. 

This  domicile  was  of  burnt  clay,  rough  as  a  nutmeg  grater, 
and  of  no  decided  brick  shape  or  colour — each  apparently 
having  been  patted  into  form,  and  freckled  in  the  drying.  It 
was  a  story  and  a  fraction  high,  and  fastened  at  one  end  to  a 
wing  containing  the  shop.  Here  was  kept  "  the  doctor-stuff;" 
and  also  the  skeleton  of  Red  Fire,  an  Indian  chief,  about  whom 
the  reader  may  expect  a  story  in  due  time.  Here  too  were  the 
doctor's  rifle  and  all  his  hunter-apparel :  for,  once  or  twice  a 
year,  our  "  Medicine"  put  on  his  leather  breeches,  his  leggins, 
his  moccasins,  his  hunting  shirt,  his  fur  cap,  and  with  that  long 
and  ponderous  rifle  on  his  shoulder,  shot-pouch  and  powder-horn 
at  his  hip,  and  tomahawk  and  knife  in  the  belt,  off  went  he  to 
the  uninhabited  wilds.  There  he  continued  alone  for  days  and 
even  weeks — killing  deer,  and  turkeys,  and  bears,  etc.,  and 
camping  out ;  stoutly  and  conscientiously  maintaining  all  was 
for  the  good  of  his  health,  while  it  supplied  him  at  a  small 
expense  with  fresh  meat.  My  heart  always  warmed  towards 
this  genuine  and  noble  woodsman  thus  apparelled !  Oh !  the 
measureless  gulf  between  this  Man  and  the  Thing  with  curled 
hair,  kid  gloves,  and  anointed  head ! — the  curious,  bipedalic 
civet-cat  of  the  East.  I  plead  guilty,  reader,  to  a  spirit  of 
Nimrod  and  Ramrodism — ay !  again  could  I  at  times,  shutting 
my  eyes  to  the  bitter  past ;  again  could  I  exchange  my  now 
solitary  native  land  for  the  cabin  and  the  woods !  Alas !  the 
doctor's  age  would  now  forbid  our  occasional  hunts  together — 
and  Ned  Stanley  and  Domore 

"  Go  on  with  the  doctor's  house,  Mr.  Carlton." 

Well,  on  the  first  floor  were  two  rooms,  and  connected  with 
a  Lilliputian  half-story  kitchen  forming  an  L,  as  near  as  pos- 
sible. Between  house  proper  and  kitchen  was  the  dining-room, 


THE     NEW    PURCHASE.  67 

a  magnificent  hall  eight  feet  wide  by  six  feet  long,  with  a  door 
on  each  side  opening  into — vacancy  ;  threats  to  put  steps  to  the 
doors  made  two  or  three  times  a  year  with  great  spirit,  being 
never  executed.  Indeed,  at  last,  Mrs.  Sylvan  herself  declared 
to  Mr.  Carlton,  that  "  there  was  no  use  in  steps,  any  way,  as 
the  children  were  mighty  spry,  and  the  grown  folks  had  got 
used  to  it."  And  to  tell  the  truth,  the  little  bodies  did  climb 
up  and  down  like  lamp-lighters ;  and  I  certainly  never  heard 
of  more  than  half  a  dozen  accidents  to  grown  folks,  owing  to 
those  stepless  doors  all  the  while  of  our  sojourn  in  the  Pur- 
chase. Nor  was  the  space  for  eating  any  inconvenience  in  a 
country  where  families  rarely  all  sat  at  the  same  time  to  the 
table,  but  came  to  their  feed  in  squads. 

The  two  rooms  named  contained  each  several  beds,  couches 
by  night,  and  settees  by  day.  Indeed,  even  when  the  doctor's 
lady — an  accident  that  occurred  maybe  once  in  two  years — 
was  confined  by  a  slight  illness  to  her  bed  in  the  day-time, 
citizens  of  all  sexes  on  visits  of  friendship  or  business,  might  be 
seen  very  gravely  and  decorously  seated  on  the  side  and  foot 
of  madame's  bedstead,  knitting  or  talking 

"Oh!  fie!" 

Ladies,  it  was  unavoidable  ;  and  not  more  surprising  than 
when  French  ladies  admit  exquisites  of  the  worthier  gender  to 
aid  at  their  toilette.  How  much  of  the  person  may  be  exposed 
in  stage  dancing  and  French  toilettes,  we  have  never  been  well- 
bred  enough  to  ascertain ;  but  in  Mrs.  Sy  Ivan's  levee  nothing, 
we  do  know,  could  be  discerned,  save  the  tip  of  the  nose  and 
the  frill  of  the  cap. 

From  the  rooms,  doors  apiece  opened  into  the  street;  and 
as  these  were  very  rarely  ever  shut,  summer  or  winter,  the 
whole  house  may  be  said  to.  have  been  out  of  doors.  In  fact, 
as  the  chimneys  were  awfully  given  to  smoking,  it  was  usually 
as  comfortless  within  the  rooms  as  without.  But  in  each  of  the 
small  rooms  a  large  space  was  cut  off  in  one  corner  for  a  stair- 
case; each  stairway  leading  to  separate  dormitories  in  the 
fractional  story — the  dormitories  being  kept  apart,  as  well  as 
could  be  done,  by  laths  and  plaster.  Often  wondering  at  this 


68  THE    NEW    PURCHASE. 

dissocial  wall  up-stairs,  I  once  inquired  of  Mrs.  Sylvan  what  it 
was  for,  who  answered, 

"  Oh !  sir,  I  had  it  done  on  purpose " 

"  On  purpose  ! — it  wasn't  accidental,  then  ?" 

"  Law,  bless  you,  no ! — it  was  to  keep  the  boys  and  girls 
apart." 

Now  where,  pray,  had  modesty  in  the  far  east  ever  built  for 
her  two  staircases  and  a  plastered  wall,  and  to  the  discomfort 
of  a  whole  family  *?  Yet,  vain  care  !  The  "boys  had  perforated 
the  partition  with  peep-holes ;  but  these  were  kept  plugged 
by  the  girls  on  their  side  with  tow,  so  that  their  own  consent 
was  necessary  to  the  use  of  said  apertures.  Still  I  was  told  the 
syringes  from  the  shop  were  often  used  on  both  sides  the  wall, 
to  give  illustrations  and  lessons  in  hydraulics,  little  perhaps  to 
edification,  but  very  much  to  the  fun  of  both  squirters  and 
squirted  :  proof  that  even  among  hoosiers  and  other  wild  men, 
"  love  laughs  at  locksmiths." 

South  of  Woodville — distance  according  to  the  weather — and 
in  the  very  edge  of  the  forest,  were  at  this  time,  two  unfinished 
brick  buildings,  destined  for  the  use  of  the  future  University. 
As  we  passed  to-day  in  our  vehicle,  the  smaller  house  was 
crammed  with  somebody's  hay  and  flax  ;  while  the  larger  was 
pouring  forth  a  flock  of  sheep — a  very  curious  form  for  a  col- 
lege to  issue  its  parchments — which  innoxious  graduates  pa.used 
a  moment  to  stare,  possibly  at  a  future  trustee,  and  then  away 
they  bounded,  a  torrent  of  wild  wool,  to  the  shelter  of  the 
woods. 

The  larger  edifice  was  called  Big  College But — 

But — hark  ! — the  rattle  of  our  carriage !  We  must  then 
hastily  wind  up  with  saying,  that  east  of  Woodville  was  a  wil- 
derness, and  uninhabited  for  forty  miles;  south,  cabins  were 
sprinkled,  on  an  average,  one  to  the  league;  south-west,  the 
same ;  but  north  and  north-west,  settlements  and  clearings  were 
more  abundant. 


THE    NEW    PURCHASE. 


CHAPTER   XII. 

"  Horresco  referens,  immensis  orbibus  angues  1" 
Horrible!    A  snake! 

OUR  driver  finding  the  roads  worse  than  his  expectation,  now, 
contrary  to  the  solemn  league  and  covenant  between  us,  refused 
to  proceed  another  step  towards  Glenville  without  additional 
pay.  While  the  controversy  was  tending  upward  in  pitch  and 
intensity — for  a  very  liberal  price  had  been  already  paid — Dr. 
Sylvan  said, 

"  Come,  driver,  don't  leave  the  strangers  this  way.  I  con- 
sider the  price  Mr.  Carlton  has  already  paid  you  to  be  very 
fair,  and  that  you  are  bound  to  go  on  with  him  to  Glenville — 
but  here — action  to  word — here  I'll  pay  you  a  dollar,  rather 
than  this  lady  should  not  see  her  mother  to-night."  Of  course 
Mr.  C.  never  allowed  that  dollar  to  be  paid — yet  such  was  the 
generous  spirit  of  the  man ! 


The  day  was  pleasant ;  and  on  the  dry  ridges,  being  free  from 
great  perils,  we  began  to  enjoy  the  wildness  of  the  primitive 
world.  And  what  grander  than  the  column-like  trees  ascend- 
ing, many  twenty,  many  thirty,  and  some  even  forty  feet,  with 
scarce  a  branch  to  destroy  the  symmetry  !  Unable,  from  their 
number,  to  send  out  lateral  branches,  they  had  all  grown 
straight  up,  hastening,  as  in  a  race,  each  to  out-top  its  neighbour, 
till  their  high  heads  afforded  a  shelter  to  squirrels,  far  beyond 
the  sprinkling  of  a  shot-gun,  and  almost  beyond  the  reach  of  the 
rifle !  The  timber  in  the  Purchase  was  only  trunk  and  top ! 
Yet  where  a  hurricane  had  passed,  and,  by  destroying  a  part, 
allowed  room  for  the  others  to  grow,  there  plainly  could  be 
seen  how  such  could  "  toss  giant  branches" — branches  in  am- 
plitude and  strength  greater  than  the  trunks,  or  rather  slim 
bodies  of  puny  trees  in  modern  groves  and  parks ! 


70  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

But  here  comes  our  first  snake  story.  In  answer  to  some 
query  about  snakes,  our  landlord  at  Woodville  had  replied  that 
"  there  was  a  smart  sprinkle  of  rattlesnake  on  Red  Run,  and 
that  it  was  a  powerful  nice  day  to  sun  themselves."  We  were 
now  drawing  near  to  the  dragon  district,  and  began  to  experi- 
ence that  vibratory  sensation  belonging  to  snake  terror,  when 
lo !  a  crackling  and  rustling  of  leaves  and  sticks  on  our  left — 
and  there,  sure  enough,  was  a  living  snake  !  It  was  not,  indeed, 
a  rattlesnake,  but  a  very  fierce,  large,  and  partly  erect,  black 
one,  with  a  skin  as  shiney  as  if  just  polished  with  patent  black- 
ing, a  mouth  wide  open,  and  an  astonishingly  active  tongue ! 
Several  feet  of  head  and  neck  were  visible,  but  how  many  of 
body  and  tail  were  concealed  can  never  be  told  except  by 
Algebra ;  for  when  with  curiosity  still  stronger  than  fear,  the 
driver  and  myself  got  out  for  a  nearer  inspection,  not  only  did 
her  ladyship  increase  her  vengeful  hissing  but  she  was  joined  in 
that  unpleasant  music  by  some  half  dozen  concealed  performers ; 
and  then  our  new  and  yet  long  acquaintance,  instead  of  vanish- 
ing, as  had  been  supposed  on  our  nearer  approach,  darted  head 
foremost  at  us,  and  believe  me  reader,  in  the  true  western  style, 
like  "greased  lightning."  Had  a  boa  made  that  attack,  our 
retreat  could  not  have  been  more  abrupt  and  speedy — we 
pitched  and  tumbled  into  our  wagon — and  on  looking  round, 
our  queen  snake  was  leisurely  retiring,  attended  by  more  of  her 
subjects  than  we  even  dared  to  shake  a  stick  at. 

Every  noise  now  by  bird  or  squirrel  seemed  serpentish; 
and  every  perfume  of  wild  flower  or  blossom  was  like  cucum- 
bers, the  odor  of  which  resembles  the  fragrance  of  a  rattlesnake ; 
and  every  crooked  dark  stick  in  the  leaves  or  twisting  vines 
was  a  formidable  reptile.  At  length,  however,  we  had  exhausted 
our  snake  stories,  conquered  our  apprehensions,  and,  gliding 
into  other  topics,  had  reached  a  point  in  the  forest  where  was 
to  be  sought  the  path  leading  off  to  Glenville. 

Reader,  do  not,  when  we  speak  of  roads  and  paths,  figure  a 
lane  between  fences ;  such  trammel  on  the  liberty  of  travellers, 
and  the  freedom  of  cattle  would  be  intolerable.  No :  a  road 
authorised  by  law  is  achieved  by  levelling  the  trees  between 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  71 

given  points,  and  thus  making  an  avenue  in  the  woods  .from 
twenty  to  thirty  feet  wide ;  the  small  stumps  being  often  re- 
moved, but  all  a  size  larger  left,  only  dressed  down  so  as  to  per- 
mit wagons  to  pass  over  without  striking  the  axle — if  they  can. 
This  delicate  performance  of  wagons  is  called — straddling,  and 
is  done  by  rough  ones  without  fear.  Other  vehicles  utterly 
refuse  to  straddle.  As  to  saplings,  such  are  cut  off  by  one  or 
more  oblique  blows,  some  six  or  eight  inches  from  the  ground ; 
the  remaining  stumps,  thus  conveniently  sharpened,  threaten 
to  impale  whoever  may  be  pitched  on  to  them  from  horse  or 
carriage. 

On  one  side  usually,  some  times  on  both,  of  large  stumps 
was  a  hole  from  one  to  two  feet  deep.  Where  the  stumps 
followed  in  a  serrated  series,  the  wheels,  but  only  of  straddling 
wagons,  performed  the  most  exhilarating  see-saw,  and  with  the 
most  astonishing  alternations  of  plunge,  creak,  and  splash,  till 
the  uproar  of  a  single  team  would  fill  a  circle  completely  of 
half  a  mile  radius !  Indeed,  nothing  so  enlivened  the  wilder- 
ness !  When  vehicles  refused  to  straddle,  driving  became  a 
work  of  the  most  laborious  skill  in  the  perpetual  winding 
among  holes  and  stumps  that  was  then  necessary ;  or  when 
that  was  too  perilous,  it  became  a  matter  of  taste  and  fancy  to 
choose  among  the  dozen  extemporaneous  roads  inviting  from 
the  right  and  left.  Hercules  himself  would  have  been  puzzled 
to  select  sometimes,  where  all  offered  equal  inducements,  or 
equal  hindrances.  These  auxiliary  ways  have  themselves  other 
helps,  and  these  other  subsidiaries,  so  that  a  person  not  a 
woodsman,  after  an  agreeable  ride  of  some  hours  discovers 
often  that  a  very  long  lane  has  no  turn,  but  a  very  unexpected 
end,  and  leads  exactly — no  where. 

We,  of  course,  were  chock  full  of  instructions,  and  with  all 
our  windings  and  turnings  still  kept  our  eye  steadily  on  the — 
blazes.  The  blaze  is  a  longitudinal  cut  on  trees  at  convenient 
intervals,  made  by  cutting  off  the  bark  with  an  axe  or  hatchet : 
three  blazes  in  a  perpendicular  line  on  the  same  tree  indicating 
a  legislative  road,  the  single  blaze,  a  settlement  or  neighbour- 
hood road. 


72  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

Well,  to  come  back,  we  began  to  look  through  the  legal 
blazes  to  espy  a  corner  tree,  cut  and  notched  in  a  peculiar  way ; 
at  which  turning  off,  we  should  discover  a  single  blaze  lead- 
ing to  Glenville — when — could  it  be  possible ! — up  that  very 
tree  was  coiling  an  enormous  and  frightful  serpent ! — 

"  Obstupui !  stetenmtque  comae  !  et  vox  faucibus  hsesit  I" 

"We  were  dumb-found !  Our  hair  stiffened  to  a  poker  1  We  were  amazingly  chop- 
fallen  1 

— in  spite  of  which  all  of  us  spoke  out,  and  Mrs.  Carlton  really 
screamed  !  Of  course  we  halted ;  and  it  being  seen  that  cutting 
across  was  prevented  by  a  ravine,  it  was  at  last  concluded  that 
Mr.  C.  be  a  committee  to  reconnoitre,  while  the  others  should 
remain  in  the  dearborne — a  retreat  from  snakes  equal  to  cover- 
ing up  in  bed  or  shutting  one's  eyes !  Accordingly,  on  went 
capital  /  with  a  slow  and  cautious  step,  an  eye  to  the  rear  as 
well  as  to  the  fore,  and  nourishing  in  my  hands  a  very  long  pole 
to  intimidate  his  snakeship  before  it  came  to  blows,  or  running 
away  on  one  or  both  sides — but  the  scaly  rascal  budged  neither 
head  nor  tail,  and  yet  seemed  to  swell  larger  and  larger,  as  we 
— I  and  the  pole — advanced — till  strange  ! — now  his  very  form 
was  changing  yet  remaining — when  all  at  once  inspired  with  a 
seeming  phrenzy,  I  threw  away  my  pole  and  dashing  headlong 
on  the  serpent  I  seized  him  by  the  tail — 

"  Oh  !— Mr.  Carlton  !— Oh  !" 

Precisely  as  my  own  wife  cried  out  at  first ;  but  as  I  main- 
tained the  hold  and  the  enormous  reptile  still  remained  inflexi- 
bly bent  around  the  tree,  on  came  at  last  our  friends,  wagon 
and  all ;  and  soon  all  capable  of  laughing,  were  joined  in  the 
merriment  on  finding  our  frightful  enemy  subsiding  into  the 
mere  form  of  a  snake  very  ingeniously  wrought  with  a  hatchet 
into  the  corner  tree  and  blackened  with  charcoal !  That  indeed 
was  "  notching  in  a  peculiar  way,"  as  Dr.  Sylvan  had  said ;  and 
true  enough  as  he  said  also,  "  we  should  be  sure  enough  to 
see  it." 

The  Glenville  road  was  a  mere  path  marked  by  a  single 
blaze,  which  we  very  pertinaciously  followed  although  it  lighted 


THE      NEW   PURCHASE.  73 

us  along  a  very  circuitous  route.  In  theory,  the  shortest  line 
between  two  points  is  the  straight  line  ;  it  is  not  so  in  practice 
out  there ;  at  least,  it  is  not  prudent  to  be  so  mathematically 
correct  in  the  neighbourhood  paths  of  a  New  Purchase.  More 
than  once  especially  when  going  by  the  moss  and  the  sun, 
and  even  with  experienced  woodsmen,  the  mathematical 
travelling  has  occasioned  our  being  lost  for  hours,  sometimes 
for  days.  Hence  our  backwood's  axiom — "  the  longest  is  the 
shortest." 

Notice  here,  a  neighbourhood  road  does  not  imply  necessarily 
much  proximity  of  neighbours.  Such  road  leads  sometimes  not 
to  a  settlement  in  actu — under  the  axe — but  to  a  settlement 
in  posse — among  the  possums — a  speculator's  settlement.  But 
even  along  an  inhabited  path,  "  neighbour  "  in  the  Purchase  was 
to  be  interpreted  scrip  turally ;  and  I  rejoice  to  say,  comprised 
the  Samaritans.  Indeed,  out  there,  we  were  very  kind  to  neigh- 
bours— whenever  we  could  find  one  another. 

And  now  we  reached  the  two  story  log  house  at  the  entrance 
of  the  bottom  of  "  Big  Shiney,"  and  where  was  to  be  encoun- 
tered "  the  most  powerful  slashy  land."  That  the  said  slashy 
land  was  the  real  stuff,  may  be  inferred  from  the  fact,  that  it 
occupied  us  from  half-past  three,  p.  M.,  until  seven  o'clock  pre 
cisely  in  the  evening  to  do  three  miles. 

The  river  was  still  swollen  and  turbulent  from  recent  rains, 
and  although  within  its  banks,  it  had  barely  retired  from  its 
overflowings.  And  now  a  glorious  sunset  was  there,  far  away 
in  the  grand  solitudes,  where  century  after  century  the  god  of 
day  had  gone  down  while  his  last  beams  were  pouring  the  rich 
mellow  haze  of  evening  over  the  distant  homes  of  the  East ! 
Gay  birds  were  warbling  farewell  songs  with  distinct  and 
thrilling  articulation,  while  some  darting  from  bank  to  bank 
seemed  rays  of  sunlight  winged  and  glancing  over  the  waters — 
such  was  their  plumage.  And  squirrels,  without  fear,  raced 
and  sported  on  hoary  and  patriarchal  trees  so  inclined  towards 
the  river,  that  from  opposite  banks  they  united  their  umbrage- 
ous tops  in  green  and  flowery  arches  above  its  bosom  !  It  did 
seem  as  if  for  once  we  had  surprised  nature's  self  in  her  wild, 
4 


74  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

unpruned,  rich,  varied,  luxurious  negligence;  and  were  behold- 
ing the  sun,  not  coming  from  his  chamber  a  strong  man  rejoicing 
to  run  a  race,  but  a  glorious  bridegroom  retiring  to  the  bridal 
chamber  of  his  spouse  ! 

On  the  far  bank  was  a  small  wigwam  hut,  and  below  in  the 
water  was  tied  a  clumsy  scow  ;  but  who  was  to  ferry  us  over 
was  not  instantly  apparent,  our  shoutings  simple  and  compound 
being  answered  only  by  Echo,  senior  and  junior.  At  last  rose, 
in  answer,  the  voice  of  an  invisible  wood-nymph  ;  and  that  was 
followed  shortly  by  the  appearance  among  the  bushes  of  the 
hamadryad  in  the  shape  of  an  athletic  woman  with  a  red  head  ; 
who  girding  up  her  loins — anylice,  pinning  up  her  petticoat — 
stepped  barefooted  and  bareheaded  into  the  boat,  her  little  boy 
at  the  moment  casting  loose  the  grape  vine  rope — its  fastening. 
She  then  poled,  or  "  set  up  stream  "  about  one  hundred  yards, 
and  afterwards,  by  a  large  oar  on  a  pivot  at  one  end  of  the  scow, 
she  kept  the  boat  nearly  at  right  angles  with  the  banks  Until  the 
current  brought  the  ferry  woman  as  diagonally  correct  to  where 
we  stood,  as  if  all  had  been  in  a  fashionable  school  on  a  black 
board. 

Alas!  all  this  was  nearly  as  unromantic  as  mathematics 
themselves ;  for  our  heroine  was  not  at  all  like  the  lady  of  the 
lake  or  any  other  lady  made  to  paddle  a  skiff  in  poetry  or 
painting.  She  worked  a  scow  to  admiration,  better  truly  than 
the  most  poetic  creature  could  have  done — but  then  an  ugly, 
shapeless,  clumsy  scow !  and  a  hearty,  red-headed  woman  in 
bare  legs  and  Elssler  bloomers  ! — what  had  such  to  do  with  the 

O 

sunset  and  the  birds?  Poetry,  therefore,  being  sufficiently 
cooled  down,  we  embarked ;  and  while  the  good  hearted,  and 
honest  woman  insisted  she  needed  no  aid,  both  Mr.  C.  and  the 
driver  helped  to  navigate  her  boat.  It  seemed,  then,  our  ferry- 
woman  had  never  heard  our  shouts  !  "  We  had  not,"  she  said, 
"  larn'd  to  holler ;"  and  that  having  accidentally  caught  sight 
of  our  wagon,  she  "  know'd  we  wanted  over  and  so  had  hollored 
naterally."  And  the  way  she  could  lift  up  the  voice  made  crag, 
and  cliff,  and  forest,  far  and  wide  speak !  And  we  ourselves 
finally  learned  to  sing  out  "  O-o-o-o-ver !"  till  the  rebellowing 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  75 

of  the  woods  brought  the  ferry  person  to  the  scow,  even  if  at 
work  in  the  clearing  hundreds  of  yards  behind  his  cabin. 

But  happy  we  !  the  ferry  woman  could  tell  us  all  about  the 
Glenville  settlement !  and  then,  unhappy  we  ! — in  her  directions, 
which  were  sufficiently  ample,  she,  like  many  other  instructors, 
took  for  granted  that  we  knew  well  the  elements  and  data,  of 
which  we  were  profoundly  ignorant : — said  she,  "  Well,  I  allow 
you  can't  scarcely  miss  the  path  to  the  tan  house — little  Jim 
here's  bin  thare  many  a  time — and  'cos  the  nabers  go  thare 
all  round  the  settlemints.  Howsoever  keep  rite  strate  along  the 
bottiin  till  you  come  to  the  bio — then  sort  a  turn  to  the  left,  but 
not  quite — 'cos  the  path  goes  to  the  rite  like — but  you  can't 
cross  thare  now — well,  strate  on  is  Sam  Little's  clerein,  till  you 
come  to  the  Ingin  grave  — and  after  that  the  path's  a  sort  a 
blind — but  then  it  ain't  more  nor  a  mile  to  ole  man  Sturgisses, 
and  he  lives  rite  fornence  the  tan  house  over  the  run." 

Of  course,  reader,  the  above  and  most  other  directions  and 
speeches  in  this  book  like  the  above,  are  the  filtered  condensa- 
tion of  our  own  translation  :  the  full  vernacular  you  could  not 
understand  and  perhaps  might  not  relish.  But  interrogation 
only  rendered  our  labyrinthical  direction  more  implicated ;  and 
so,  not  wishing  to  seem  less  sagacious  than  little  Jim,  off  we 
splashed  for  the  bayou ;  and  here  we  succeeded  so  well  in  "  a 
sort-er  turn  to  the  left  but  not  quite,"  that  we  soon  lost  sight  of 
all  roads,  paths  and  blazes ;  and  then,  hearing  the  sound  of  an 
axe  still  more  to  the  left,  travelled  that  direction  by  ear, 
through  a  wondrous  wilderness  of  spice- wood,  papaw,  and 
twenty  unknown  bushes,  briers,  and  weeds,  till  we  fell  sud- 
denly into  a  clearing,  supposed  to  be  our  neighbour's,  Sam. 
Little's. 

Happily  it  proved  to  be  Squire  Brushwood's.  For  Sam 
Little's,  it  seems,  was  nothing  save  a  clearing  destitute  of  any 
cabin ;  while  Brushwood's  was  adorned  with  a  double  cabin  and 
all  sorts  of  out-houses :  and  but  for  the  lucky  loss  of  our  blaze, 
we  should  here  be  recording  a  night  in  the  woods,  to  us  then  as 
deplorable  as  the  prophet's  lodging,  thus  poetically  done,  by 
some  learned  man  : 


76  THE     NEW     PURCHASE, 


"Jonah  was    ******* 

Without  fire  or  candle! 
And  nothing  had  he  all  the  time 

But  cold  fish — hem, — to  handle.'' 


Whereas,  now  we  were  comfortably  shedded  and  had  more 
corn- bread  and  bacon  than  we  could  devour.  And  instead  of 
being  alone,  our  wife  had,  in  addition  to  us  and  the  driver,  a 
guard  in  her  bed-room,  or  rather  around  her  very  bed,  a  guard 
of  four  other  men — the  squire,  the  squire's  two  sons,  and  a 
journeyman  chopper,  whose  axe  had  invited  and  guided  us  to 
the  clearing ;  and  women  and  girls  too  numerous  to  mention — 
so  that  Mrs.  Carlton  never  felt  the  least  lonesome  the  livelong 
night. 

How  getting  to  bed  was  managed  could  not  be  told,  as  Mrs. 
C.  made  an  extemporary  screen  by  hanging  something — "  what" 
— oh  !  a  utility  on  a  rope  or  grape  vine  stretched  near  our  quar- 
ters :  only  no  one  went  out  to  see  about  the  weather,  and  from 
first  to  last  a  very  animated  talk  went  on  in  voices  of  opposite 
genders,  and  even  amid  the  creaking  of  ricketty  bedsteads  and 
after  the  dying  of  the  fire  light.  Great  adroitness  is  acquired 
by  women-bodies,  especially  in  going  to  repose  amidst  com- 
pany. For  instance,  once  we  were  at  Major  Billy  Westland's, 
in  Woodville,  in  company  with  several  male  magnates,  when 
the  major's  lady  withdrew  from  our  circle  at  the  fire,  as 
for  some  domestic  duty ;  but  on  rny  accidentally  looking 
around,  three  minutes  after,  lo  !  there  was  a  nightcap  peering 
above  the  "  kiver-lid,"  and  Mrs.  Major  Billy  Westland's  head 
in  it! 

Men-folks  oversleeping  themselves  often  find,  on  opening 
their  eyes,  the  girls  fixing  the  table  for  breakfast ;  and  then 
they  contrive  to  put  on  their  indispensables  under  cover  and  in 
bed.  Hence,  on  one  memorable  occasion,  when  we  were  at  a 
wedding,  our  groom  having  overslept  the  early  morn,  made  this 
covert  arrangement  with  his  inexpressibles,  and  then  most 
courageously  thrust  out  among  us  his  invested  limbs.  But  wo- 
ful  ingenuity  ! — just  then  was  entering  at  the  opposite  door,  our 
groom's  brother,  a  gawkey  young  gentleman,  with  a  green  gos- 


THE     NEW    PURCHASE.  77 

ling  countenance,  who  seeing  the  pantalooned  limbs  protruded, 
suddenly  exclaimed  in  utter  amazement : — 

"  Hey  !  if  our  Jess  didn't  sleep  in  his !" 

****** 

All  asleep. 


CHAPTER    XIII. 

THE    FINDING. 

"  Ilionea  petit  dextra  laevaque " 

"A  shaking  with  both  hands " 

RECEIVING  very  straight  directions  for  a  very  crooked  path,  we 
set  out  for  Home  !  The  path  was  rarely  travelled  by  wheels  and 
was  indeed  unblazed  ;  and  hence  we  proceeded  partly  by  instinct 
and  partly  by  trace  of  ruts  seen  usually  by  the  eye,  but  often 
felt  after  by  the  feet — one  of  us  walking  before  the  dearborne, 
while  the  other  drove.  This  path  I  had  always  great  difficulty  in 
finding.  And  once  the  whole  Glenville  community  nearly,  hav- 
ing to  deviate  from  its  direction  on  account  of  high  waters,  were 
actually  lost  in  the  bottom  for  three  long  hours  !  To  imprint 
the  affair  more  deeply  we  met,  coo,  an  accident  at  that  time. 
For  endeavouring  to  drive  along  a  slippery  and  very  steep  in- 
clination, away  suddenly  pitched  horse  and  wagon,  and  away 
also  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Carlton,  and  one  young  lady,  and  two  little 
babies,  all  in  an  indescribable  and  mixed  succession  of  somer- 
sets, down  into  the  ravine ;  and  yet,  strange  to  tell  !  no  one  was 
hurt,  nothing  important  broken,  although  when  about  half  way 
to  the  bottom  of  the  hill,  the  vehicle  was  caught  by  sapling 
and  bush — the  wagon  there  sticking,  wheels  uppermost,  and  the 
horse  on  his  back  with  the  whole  four  legs  turning  their  shod 
hoofs  in  thin  air  instead  of  thick  earth  !  What  it  was,  in  such 
a  false  position,  I  cannot  tell ;  but  so  did  the  two  dumb  things 
look,  so  patient,  so  resigned,  appealing  so  touchingly  with  out- 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

stretched  limbs  for  help,  that  it  was  long  before  laughter  would 
permit  Mr.  Glenville  and  myself  to  restore  wheels  and  legs  to 
the  order  of  nature.  And  when  restored  to  a  proper  standing 
in  society,  never  surely  did  horse  and  wagon  move  with  more 
unanimity  ! — never  did  a  horse  before  so  snort,  so  toss  his  head,  so 
shake  mane  and  tail,  till  by  practising  all  parts  of  his  body  he 
was  convinced  it  was  only  a  very  curious  dream,  just  passed, 
and  he  was  truly  himself  again  !  Consequently  after  that  I 
preferred  the  better  path  through  the  bottom  by  Sam  Little's 
clearing  and  the  Indian  Grave.  But  on  the  present  morning  of 
the  Finding,  Brushwood  had  directed  us  "the  short  cut"  to 
Glenville  Settlement. 

The  reader  will  of  course  conjecture  what  happened  to 
novices — we  lost  our  way.  And  by  turning  aside  for  logs  un- 
straddleable,  brush  impenetrable,  briars  intolerable,  and  for 
holes  we  cared  not  to  fathom,  we  made  the  short  path  consider- 
ably longer  than  the  long  one,  till  all  at  once  on  clambering  up 
a  steep  hill,  farther  progress  was  barred  by  a  lofty  and  tortuous 
fence,  worming  around  a  clearing  !  At  the  unwonted  noise  of 
cracking  brush  and  bush  in  this  quarter,  soon,  however,  came 
forth  from  a  good  log-house  in  the  centre,  an  almost  gigantic 
yet  venerable  old  gentleman,  who,  to  our  great  surprise,  said  he 
was — the  Mr.  Sturgis — i.  e.  "  ole-man  Sturgis — fornence"  the 
tannery  in  the  very  suburbs  of  Glenville ! 

After  helping  to  extricate  and  get  our  carriage  in  front  of  his 
settlement,  the  old  man  advised,  that,  instead  of  now  going 
away  round  by  a  very  obscure  path,  we  had  better  proceed 
right  clown  the  hill  in  the  direction  of  the  tan-house  :  especially 
as  to  drive  down  the  hill  would,  after  all,  be  not  much  worse, 
than  the  way  up  the  hill  just  come. 

Accordingly  we  prepared  to  alight  in  Glenville  :  not  indeed 
by  flying,  but  by  slipping  and  sliding  down  on  them  from  our 
sylvan  summit.  And  this  was  accomplished  as  follows  : — our 
historian  and  his  lady  advanced  in  pedibus — Latin  is  more  an- 
cient than  French — or  more  vulgarly,  on  foot,  and  some  yards 
before  the  wagon  ;  then  the  author  judiciously  presented  one 
side  towards  the  bottom  of  the  declivity,  and  the  other  towards 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  79 

its  top  ;  and  then  the  author's  wife  did  dittos ;  after  which  her 
lower  hand  in  his  upper,  the  happy  couple  commenced  the  glide 
in  that  picturesque  attitude  and  series  of  linked  cadences,  he 
with  his  dextral  and  unimpeded  hand  retarding  the  velocity, 
when  becoming  perilous,  by  seizing,  at  suitable  intervals,  bushes 
and  saplings,  until,  without  accident,  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Carlton  had 
almost  alighted  on  the  border  of  a  delightful  and  pellucid  little 
creek.  While  above,  the  driver,  on  foot,  and  holding  his  horse, 
and  his  wagon,  with  plane  inclined,  were  tearing  and  crashing, 
and  thundering  down — the  man  partly  on  his  knees,  and  the 
horse  in  a  sitting  posture,  like  a  pet  dog  at  dinner  time,  till  all 
seemed  like  an  avalanche  of  horses  and  wagons  from  the 
clouds — or,  at  least,  in  western  parlance,  "  a  right  smart  sprin- 
kle" of  the  articles.  The  unwonted  uproar  and  shouts,  and 
voices  and  merriment,  had  announced  that  some  wonder  was 
raining  down  on  the  settlement — and  hence,  they  rushed  from 
the  tannery  to  see  what  was  descending — and  lo  !  we,  Mr.  and 
Mrs.  Carlton,  now  ended  our  descent  by  gliding  into  the  open 
arms  of  uncle  John  Seymour  and  his  nephew,  John  Glenville ! 


Did  you  ever  go  away  off,  when  travelling  was  the  work 

of  months — away  off,  a  thousand  miles,  in  search  of  the  nearest 
and  dearest  kindred — and  then,  unexpectedly,  on  a  bright  and 
fragrant  May  morning,  find  those  dear  ones  in  the  dark  depths 
of  an  almost  impervious  wilderness'?  Then  did,  at  that  mo- 
ment, thoughts  of  the  past — happiness — homes — comforts — ay  ! 
of  a  thousand  nameless  past  things  rush  like  a  torrent  to  your 
heart — then  you  know  how  we — met  and  rejoiced — and  wept ! 
How  we  crossed  the  creek  I  never  knew — all  were  shaking 
hands  right  and  left — some  asking  questions — some  answering — 
some  sobbing — and  how  could  one  see  with  eyes  full  of  tears'? 
But  still  I  do  believe  we  were  both  hugged  over ! 

But  see  !  all  Glenville  is  coming — and  the  daughter  is 

once  more  upon  the  bosom  of  her  mother  ! — yet  the  voice  of 
weeping  are  not  tears  of  lamentation — they  are  tears  of  joy  ! 


80  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

That  morning  thanksgiving  prayers  went  up  to  heaven  from 
three  households  united,  and  hymns  of  praise  resounded  amid 
the  wilds :  for  these  families  were  Christian — and  wherever,  in 
their  many  wanderings,  they  halted  as  pilgrims  for  a  day  or  a 
year,  there  rose  the  domestic  altars. 

God  is  everywhere ! 


CHAPTER    XIV. 

FIRST    YEAR. 

" locus  est  et  pluribus  umbris." 

" a  shady  place  for  several  friends." 

WELL  !  this  is  Glenville.  Has  any  body  accompanied  our 
fortunes  thus  far  ? — that  body  may  as  well  see  us  also  "  out  of 
the  woods."  A  sojourn  for  a  few  years  amid  the  privations 
and  hardships  of  the  New  Purchase  will  fit  you  better  for  a 
home  in  the  East — in  case,  we  mean,  you  stay  not  so  long  as  to 
be  forgotten  by  the  time  you  go  back.  And  even  then — after 
the  first  bitter  feelings  of  natural  sorrow,  of  surprise,  and  per- 
haps of  chagrin — believe  me,  such  a  force  and  independence 
will  have  been  added  to  the  character,  so  much  self-reliance 
gendered,  as  to  furnish  an  almost  perpetual  and  complete  sub- 
stitute in  your  own  resources.  One  perhaps,  after  a  sojourn  of 
the  proper  kind  in  the  New  Purchase,  is  rather  in  danger  of  too 
great  a  contempt  for  the  things  of  the  old  :  at  all  events,  one, 
whose  spirit  is  not  naturally  bad,  is  very  much  inclined  to  feel 
and  say,  with  the  good  humour  of  Bernadotte,  when  he  finds  on 
his  return,  that  the  world  "  does  not  care  a  fig"  for  him,  "  well, 
tell  the  world,  I  do  not  care  a  fig  for  it." 

The  man  that  has  practised  doing  with  little,  is  really  superior 
to  the  man  of  large  fortune,  and  of  many  wants.  Can  he  be 
vexed  for  want  of  grand  houses,  fine  furniture,  sumptuous  food, 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  81 

gay  equipage,  costly  apparel,  and  the  like,  who,  if  he  despises 
not  such  matters,  is  soberly  and  philosophically  indifferent  to 
them  ?  He  has  really  so  schooled  himself  amid  rough  huts, 
rude  furniture,  coarse  food,  and  homespun  clothes,  as,  in  his 
very  heart,  to  prefer  them,  with  their  freedom  and  independence, 
to  the  wearisome  and  silly,  and  endless  anxiety  and  toil  of  living 
for  mere  show. 

Come,  then,  I  will  introduce  our  "settlement"  And  first, 
this  term  is  applied  to  a  place  where  one  or  more  families, 
having  bought  lands  at  the  government  price  from  Uncle 
Samuel,  have  actually  located  on  it;  and,  not  to  a  place  bought 
merely  for  speculation,  or  merely  trespassed  upon  by  any  of 
that  nondescript  and  original  race — the  squatters.  Indeed,  to 
these  a  settlement  is  so  odious,  that  they  either  pay  for  land 
and  turn  into  settlers,  or,  they  become  indignant  at  the  legal 
invasion  of  their  domain,  and  hastily — absquatulate ;  that  is — 
they  go  and  squat  in  another  place.  And  such  is  the  effect  of 
settlements  often  in  here — the  old  Purchase — the  civilized  part 
of  the  Continent — up  north,  down  east,  and  so  on,  where  well 
looking  and  fine  dressed  gentlemen  become  so  offended  at  the 
impertinence  of  neighbours,  that  they  too  absquatulate. 

A  settlement  usually  takes  its  name  from  the  person  that  first 
"enters  upon  the  land,"  i.  e.,  buys  a  tract  at  the  land  office. 
Often  it  takes  the  name  from  the  family  first  actually  settling, 
or  owning  the  largest  number  of  acres ;  and  very  frequently 
from  the  person  that  establishes  a  ferry,  a  smithery,  a  mill,  a 
tannery,  and,  above  all,  a  store.  Hence,  whilst  our  brother-in- 
law  was  no  patriarch  in  looks  or  age,  owned  no  boundless  ter- 
ritory, and  was,  in  stature,  "  the  least  in  his  father's  house,"  yet 
because  he  tanned  hides — for  shoes  we  mean — and  intended 
soon  to  sell  tape  by  the  yard,  and  buy  pork  by  the  cwt. — we 
were  The  Glenville  Settlement.  And  this  colony  had,  within 
its  territories,  as  many  as  three  human  habitations ;  two  occu- 
pied by  actual  settlers,  and  one  by  a  very  special  sort  of  a 
squatter — the  Leatherstocking  of  our  tribe. 

On  an  eminence  between   the   others — and,  provided  you 


82  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

knew  how  "  to  holler,"  within  hearing  of  both,  but  owing  to 
intervening  trees,  not  within  sight — stood  the  primitive  and 
patriarchal  cabin — the  capitol.  South-west,  distant  a  quarter 
of  a  mile  was  the  cabin  of  the  Reverend  Mr.  Hilsbury,  lately 
married  to  one  of  Mrs.  Carlton's  sisters ;  and  directly  south  of 
the  episcopal  residence,  was  the  tannery,  to  which  John  Glen- 
ville,  of  Glenville,  owed  the  honour  of  giving  his  name  to  the 
colony.  Due  east  from  the  capitol  about  a  furlong,  was  the 
squateree  of  Uncle  Tommy  Seymour,  our  Leatherstocking.  So 
much  of  his  long  life  had  passed  in  the  wild  woods,  and  among 
the  Indians,  that  he  had  thoroughly  imbibed  their  feelings  and 
their  sentiments,  and  had  adopted  some  of  their  habits ;  and, 
therefore,  he  had  not  only  acquired  an  utter  distaste,  but  even  a 
sovereign  contempt  for  most  usages  and  trammels  of  civiliza- 
tion. And  Uncle  Tommy  was  also  a  preacher — hence  Glen- 
ville was  two-thirds  sacred  and  only  one  secular  ! 

Around,  were  a  few  other  settlements,  Sturgis' — Hackberry's 
— Undergrowth's — Brushwood's,  and  some  more;  all  distant 
from  us  and  one  another — some  one  mile,  some  ten.  The  un- 
entered and  unsettled  tracts  between,  were  our  commons,  called 
the  Range — used  for  hunting,  swine-feeding,  and  the  like.  The 
Range  had,  however,  inhabitants  innumerable  : — viz.,  deer, 
wolves,  foxes — blue,  gray,  and  black — squirrels  ditto,  ground- 
swine — vulgarly  called  ground  hogs — and  wild  turkeys,  wild 
ducks,  wild  cats,  and  all  the  wild  what-y'-callums : — opossums 
too,  up,  down,  in,  and  under  gum-trees  : — snakes,  with  and 
without  rattles,  of  all  colours,  from  copper  to  green  and  black, 
and  of  all  sizes,  from  ever  so  little  to  ever  so  big.  Add — "  the 
neighbours'  hogs," — so  wild  and  fierce,  that  when  pork-time 
arrives,  they  must  be  hunted  and  shot,  like  other  independent 
beasts.  Especially  is  this  the  case  if  mast — nuts  and  acorns 
— is  abundant ;  when  swiney  becomes  wholly  savage,  and  loses 
all  reverence  for  corn-cribs  and  swill-tubs.  Gentle  reader,  our 
semi-wild  boar  is  a  fellow  something  different  in  look,  and 
rather  worse  to  encounter,  when  saucy  or  angry,  than  the  vile 
mud-hole  wallower  of  the  Atlantic  !  If  one  would  understand 
the  wild-boar  hunts  of  Cyrus,  or  the  feudal  barons — go,  get  ac- 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  83 

quainted  with  the  semi- wild  fellow  of  the  Purchase.  The  Range 
is  perambulated  by  cattle  horned  and  unhorned ;  by  cows, 
belled  and  un-belled;  and  by  horses,  some  with  yokes  and 
some  without : — but  notice,  yokes  are  not  to  prevent  jumping 
out  of  inclosures,  but,  into  them.  In  the  Range  are  also  wonder- 
ful colts  with  cunning  saucy  faces,  shaggy  manes  done  up  with 
burrs,  and  with  great  long  tails,  so  tangled  that  Penelope  herself 
could  never  disentangle — creatures  almost  uncatchable,  and  if 
caught  nearly  untameable. 

Nearly  south  of  Glenville  was  the  grand  town — our  Wood- 
ville.  And  nearly  west,  some  eight  or  nine  miles  and  a  piece, 
was  Spiceburg — at  least  in  dry  times ;  for  the  town  being  on 
the  bottom  of  Shining  River,  was,  in  hard  rains,  commonly 
under  water,  so  that  a  conscientious  man  dared  not  then  to 
affirm  without  a  proviso,  where  Spiceburg  was  precisely. 
North-east  from  us,  some  fifty  long  lonesome  miles,  was  the 
capital  of  the  State — Timberopolis  ;  the  seat  of  the  legislature 
and  of  mortality.  But  death  in  later  times  there  domineered 
less.  Whether  the  legislature  reformed  and  refrained  from  un- 
common mischief  is  not  so  easy  to  say.  Parties  are  to  this 
hour,  I  am  informed,  themselves,  divided  on  that  subject — the 
opposite  partisans,  however,  exactly  agreeing  in  this : — viz.,  that 
the  Ins  are  a  set  of  ignorant,  selfish,  truckling,  snivelling  hum- 
buggers,  while  the  Outs  are  the  men  to  save  the  state — mutatis 
mutandis  : — i.  e.,  Ins  turned  out,  Outs  let  in. 

In  different  directions,  from  Glenville  were  also  Mapville, 
Mapbourgh  and  Maptown  ;  in  all  which  the  difficulty  in  seeing 
the  towns  was  not  owing  to  the  houses,  but  the  trees.  A 
woodsman  could,  indeed,  sometimes  find  a  single  house — the 
whole  village:  but  as  the  citizens  were  absent  hoeing  corn  or 
the  like,  except  one  or  more  bare-legged  babies  fastened  in  the 
luckey  hunter,  save  for  the  name  of  being  in  town,  might  as 
well  be  in  the  country.  A  traveller  would  now  and  then 
stumble  into  a  village  of  thirty  or  forty  habitations  but  without 
an  inhabitant — the  cabins  standing  empty  and  cold,  like  snail- 
abandoned  shells!  For,  know,  that  genuine  agues  out  there 
are  often  so  powerful  and  merciless  as  to  shake,  not  only 


84  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

individuals  out  of  their  skins,  but  whole  communities  out  of 
their  towns!  In  this  latter  case,  folks  swarm  out,  and  re- 
settle where  the  legislature  appoints  new  hives,  passing,  how- 
ever, a  stringent  law  that  the  "  ague  shall  shake  them  out  no 
more" 

This,  then,  is  Glenville,  its  suburbs,  its  environs,  its  neigh- 
bourhoods, its  ranges — all  on  that  grand  scale  belonging  to 
Nature  in  the  Far  West,  where  we  have  grand  woods,  grand 
prairies,  grand  caves,  grand  rivers,  grand  bears,  grand  swine — 
grand  everything !  except,  maybe,  grand  rascals ;  in  which  we 
doubtless  excel  in  here. 

Let  us  next  enter  the  patriarchal  cabin.  Here  we  become 
acquainted  with  Uncle  John  Seymour  and  his  two  sisters, 
widows — Mrs.  Glenville  and  Aunt  Kitty  Littleton.  Here  are 
also  encabined  John  Glenville  and  Miss  Emily  Glenville,  the 
youngest  of  the  family.  Here  too  is  a  young  woman  for 
help — in  fact  "  the  gal ;"  and  here  are  to  abide  Mr.  and  Mrs. 
Carlton — 

"  All  in  one  cabin,  Mr.  Carlton  ?" 

All  in  one  cabin,  Mr.  Large.  But  a  family  you  know  is  the 
most  compressible  and  yet  the  most  expansive  of  bodies.  Yes  ! 
here  we  two  and  a  half  families  endured  the  compression  and 
lost  no  breath ;  and  even  seemed  to  have  a  few  spare  inches  of 
room !  And  yet  many  years  after,  in  a  different  part  of  the 
world,  did  Mr.  Carl  ton's  own  single  family  expand  and  spread, 
and  without  any  violent  effort  whatever,  through  a  mansion 
containing  fourteen  apartments,  with  cellars,  and  garrets,  and 
kitchens  and  all — and  still  fret  for  the  want  of  room ! 

"  But  what  led  to  the  formation  of  your  colony,  Mr.  Carlton  ? 
— what  induced  gentlemen  and  ladies  of  your  education  and 
endowments  to  settle  in  so  remote  an  obscurity  ?" 

Thank  you,  sir— the  reasons  alluded  to  in  the  commencement 
of  this  history  operated  in  our  case  as  in  the  cases  of  a  thousand 
others  ;  but  it  was  mere  accident  that  turned  our  folks  to  their 
location  in  the  New  Purchase. 

The  Seymours  at  the  close  of  the  last  war  with  Great  Britain 
resided  in  Philadelphia.  Like  others  they  risked  their  capital 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  85 

during  the  war  in  manufactories ;  and  like  others,  when  peace 
was  proclaimed,  the  Seymours  were  ruined.  John  Seymour — 
familiarly  known  among  us  as  Uncle  John — on  his  arrival  from 
the  South,  where,  during  a  residence  of  many  years  he  had 
acquired  a  handsome  fortune,  found  his  sisters  Mrs.  Glenville 
and  Mrs.  Littleton,  in  great  distress,  their  husbands  being  re- 
cently dead ;  and  having  not  long  before  his  return  buried  his 
wife — who  however  had  borne  him  no  children — he  immediately 
took  under  his  protection  the  two  widowed  ladies,  his  sisters, 
together  with  the  four  children  of  Mrs.  Glenville.  Fearing  his 
means  were  not  sufficient  to  sustain  the  burden  providentially 
cast  upon  him,  at  least  in  the  way  that  was  desirable,  he  re- 
solved to  remove  to  Kentucky.  Accordingly,  the  new  organized 
family  all  removed  to  the  West ;  with  the  exception  of  Miss 
Eliza  Glenville,  who  was  left  to  complete  her  education  with 
the  excellent  and  justly  celebrated  Mr.  Jaudon.  With  this 
amiable  and  interesting  creature — the  young  lady — Mr.  Carlton, 
who  somehow  or  other  always  had  a  taste  for  sweet  and  beautiful 
faces,  became  acquainted — 

"  Oh !  Mr.  Carlton !— do  tell  all  about  this—" 
Not  now,  young  ladies,  something  must  be  reserved  for  future 
works.  But  after  the  usual  courtships,  lovers'  quarrels,  scenes 
and  walks  in  the  garden — Pratt' s — versifications,  notes  on  gilt- 
edged,  flame-coloured  paper,  ornamented  with  cooing  doves  and 
little  fat  dumpling  cupids— in  short,  after  the  most  approved 
meltings,  misgivings,  misapprehensions  and  so  forth,  came  the 
customary  Miss- taking — and  with  the  consent  of  friends,  east 
and  west,  we  were  married. 

It  had  been  part  of  the  arrangement  that  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Carlton 
should  join  the  family  in  Kentucky,  and  that  we  should  estab- 
lish there  a  Boarding  School  for  Young  Ladies ;  but  now  came 
a  letter  from  John  Glenville,  that  uncle  John  unfortunate,  not 
in  selling  a  very  valuable  property  at  a  fair  price,  but  in  re- 
ceiving that  price  in  worthless  notes  of  Kentucky  banks — which, 
like  most  banks  every  twenty  or  thirty  years,  had  failed — had 
with  his  remaining  funds,  as  his  only  resort,  bought  a  tract  of 
government  lands  in  the  New  Purchase ;  and,  that,  if  I  could 


86  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

join  him,  with  a  few  hundred  dollars,  in  a  little  tanning,  store- 
keeping,  and  honest  speculation,  we  might  gain,  if  not  riches,  at 
least  independence.  He  added  that  maybe  something  could  be 
done  in  the  school  line. 

Sorry  so  good  a  man  as  Uncle  John — and  the  world  boasted 
none  nobler — should  be  the  victim  of  fraud,  yet  strange !  I 
found  mingled  with  the  feeling  of  distress  a  secret  joy  that  so 
plausible  an  inducement  existed  for  a  life  in  the  genuine,  far 
away,  almost  unfindable  backwoods  !  Less  poetic  indeed  than 
her  husband,  yet  Mrs.  C.  earnestly  wished  to  see  her  relatives ; 
and  so  off  we  started,  in  Chapter  Second,  and  here  we  are 
waking  up  a  little  from  a  curious  dream,  in  Chapter  Four- 
teenth. Some  folks  dream  all  the  way  through  to  the  very  last 
chapter ! 

Here  we  found  our  new  relative  the  Eev.  James  Hillsbury, 
who  had  married  Sarah  Glenville  in  Kentucky,  and  was  now  a 
missionary  in  the  Purchase,  to  look  up  "  a  few  sheep  scattered 
in  the  wilderness."  And  to  our  great  amazement  here  we 
found  too,  Uncle  Leatherstocking ;  for  about  him  Glenville  in 
his  letter  had  been  silent,  willing  us  to  be,  as  all  had  been,  taken 
by  surprise ;  because  the  family  on  removing  to  their  new 
world  had  found  the  old  gentleman  comfortably  squatted  in  a 
tittle  nook  of  their  territories,  when  he  was  supposed  all  the 
time  to  be  yet  among'  the  Indians  on  Lake  Michigan ! 

At  the  time  of  our  arrival  Uncle  John  was  barely  recovered 
from  a  very  serious  hurt  received  in  the  early  settlement  of  the 
colony.  In  order  to  prepare  a  cabin  he  left  the  family  in  Ken- 
tucky and  went  to  the  Purchase  alone ;  it  being  arranged  that 
the  family  under  the  care  of  John  Glenville  should  join  him  as 
soon  as  information  came  that  things  were  ready.  But  one  day 
Mr.  Seymour,  being  with  his  guide  in  the  woods,  and  in  the  act 
of  mounting  a  restive  horse,  the  animal,  scared  by  the  sudden 
leap  of  a  deer,  plunged  and  knocked  down  Mr.  Seymour,  caus- 
ing the  fracture  of  one  arm  and  several  ribs.  For  six  dreadful 
weeks  he  there  lay,  under  a  shantee  of  poles  and  bark  actually 
built  over  him  as  he  lay  unable  to  be  moved.  Some  neighbours 
set  the  bones  and  dressed  the  wounds,  according  to  Mr.  Sey- 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  87 

mour's  directions,  and  then  leaving  the  sufferer  alone  most  of 
the  day,  as  was  unavoidable,  they  brought  his  victuals  at  irregular 
intervals,  and  slept  near  him  by  turns  at  night.  On  one  occa- 
sion, however,  our  wounded  friend  would  have  received  a  very 
disagreeable  visitor,  but  for  the  fortunate  arrival  at  the  moment 
of  a  neighbour  woman  with  his  dinner — who  exclaimed, 

"  Grammins !  neighbour  Seymour,  if  there  ain't  a  powerful 
nasty  varmint  coming  to  see  you !" 

The  nature  of  the  visitor  was  soon  revealed  to  Uncle  John  ; 
for,  alarmed  at  the  approach  of  the  woman,  the  "  nasty  var- 
mint" close  to  the  patient's  head  but  behind  his  camp,  raising 
his  terrific  head,  made  at  the  same  time  the  whole  woods  tremu- 
lously vocal  with  that  rattle  so  peculiar  and  so  startling.  But 
scarcely  had  Uncle  John  time  for  an  alarm  before  the  fearless 
woman  had  stopped  the  music ;  and  then  dragging  his  dying 
snakeship  in  front  of  the  camp,  she  first  measured  his  length, 
more  than  five  and  a  half  feet,  and  secondly  pulled  off  what  she 
called  "  a  right  smart  chance  of  rattles"  and  gave  them  to  Mr. 
Seymour.  And  this  memento  of  his  escape,  Uncle  John  one 
day  as  he  narrated  the  affair,  handed  over  to  me  to  hang  to  the 
sounding  post  of  my  fiddle — such  being  the  western  secret  of 
converting  common  violins  into  cremonas.  I  tried  the  experi- 
ment of  course  ;  but  not  being  willing  to  take  out  a  patent,  I 
now  offer  the  said  rattles  to  any  ingenious  Yankee,  who  wishes 
to  try  the  thing,  for  a  box  of  clarified  rosin  ! — the  rattles  count 
sixteen  and  a  button ;  just  sixteen  semi,  and  part  of  a  demi- 
semiquaver  to  every  shake  ! 

As  soon  as  Mr.  Seymour  could  be  carried,  he  was  conveyed 
to  Mr.  Sturgis'  house,  and  then  he  wrote  for  his  family ;  who 
hastening  on  through  many  inconveniences  and  perils,  all  ar- 
rived in  safety  and  found  Uncle  John  just  able  to  walk  without 
assistance.  But  as  to  the  cabin  it  was  unchinked,  undaubed, 
and  without  its  stack  chimney ;  yet  into  that  deplorable  hovel 
all  were  forced  to  remove  and  complete  it  at  their  leisure ! — 
folks  that  knew  all  about  three-story  brick  houses  in  Philadel- 
phia !  and  who  had  ridden  in  their  own  carriages,  in  the  settle- 
ments of  the  Old  Purchase !  and  promenaded  Chestnut-street, 
some  of  them  haughtily,  and  proudly,  and  delicately ! 


88  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

Ye  that  have  paid  twenty  thousand  dollars  for  a  dwelling, 
what  do  you  think  of  a  dwelling  that  cost  twenty  thousand  mills? 
— for  that  our  cabin  cost — and  experienced  woodmen  said  that 
was  too  much — that  Uncle  John  had  been  cheated — and  that  our 
cabin  could  have  all  been  finished  off  for  ten  dollars  from  the 
laying  of  the  first  stick  to  the  topping  of  the  chimney !  ! 

Our  cabin  was  a  cabin  of  the  Rough  Order ;  for  reader,  the 
orders  of  cabin  architecture  are  various  like  those  of  the  Greek ; 
for  instance — the  Scotched  Order.  In  this,  logs  are  hacked  lon- 
gitudinally and  a  slice  taken  from  one  side,  the  primitive  bark 
being  left  on  the  other  sides.  The  scotching,  however,  is  usually 
done  for  pastime  by  the  boys  and  young  women,  while  the  men 
are  cutting  or  hauling  other  timbers.  The  Hewed  Order — in 
which  logs,  like  the  stones  for  Solomon's  Temple,  are  dressed 
on  purpose.  The  Stickout  Corner  Order— the  logs  left  to  pro- 
ject,'at  the  corners;  and  the  reverse  of  this,  the  Cut-off-Cor- 
ner Order.  I  might  name  too,  the  Doubtful  or  Double  Order. 
In  this,  two  cabins  are  built  together,  but  until  the  addition  of 
chimneys,  it  is  doubtful  whether  the  structure  is  for  men  or 
brutes ;  and  also  the  Composite  Order — i.  e.,  loggeries  with 
stone  or  brick  chimneys. 

But  our  abode  was,  from  necessity,  of  the  Rough  Order — its 
logs  being  wholly  unhewed  and  unscotched — its  corners  pro- 
jecting and  hung  with  horse-collars,  gears,  rough  towels,  dish- 
cleaners  and  calabashes  !  It  had,  moreover,  a  rude  puncheon 
floor,  a  clapboard  roof,  and  a  clapboard  door  ;  while  for  window 
a  log  in  the  erection  had  been  skipped,  and  through  this  longi- 
tudinal aperture  came  light  and — also  wind,  it  being  occasion- 
.ally  shut  at  first  with  a  blanket,  afterwards  with  a  clapboard 
shutter.  Neither  nail  nor  spike  held  any  part  of  the  cabin 
together ;  and  even  the  door  was  hung  not  with  iron,  but  with 
broad  hinges  of  tough  bacon-skin.  These,  however,  our  two 
dogs — of  whom  more  hereafter — soon  smelled  and  finally 
gnawed  clean  off;  when  we  pinned  on  thick  half-tanned  leather, 
which  swagging  till  the  door  dragged  on  the  earth,  we  at  last 
manufactured  wooden  hinges  ;  and  these  remained  till  the  dis- 
solution of  our  colony.  The  entire  structure  was,  in  theory, 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  89 

twenty  feet  square,  as  measured  by  an  axe-handle.  But  the  han- 
dle must  have  shrunk  in  seasoning ;  because  our  carpets  stretched 
inside,  as  will  be  described  in  the  next  Chapter,  made  the  gross 
length  only  nineteen  feet  two  inches,  and  the  neat  length  inside, 
an  average  of  about  seventeen  feet  one  inch.  As  our  arrival 
caused  a  new  arrangement  of  the  interior  cabin,  we  shall  start 
on  this  subject  afresh  in 


CHAPTER'  XV. 

" Qui  miscuit  ntile  dulci." 

" Which  mixes  soap  and  sugar." 

THRIFTY  housewives  in  cutting  little  boys'  roundabouts  and 
trowsers  always  contrive  out  of  a  scant  pattern  of  pepper  and 
salt  stuff,  to  leave  enough  for  patches  ;  but  for  the  Glenvillians 
it  remained  to  subdivide  two  hundred  and  eighty-nine  square 
feet  of  internal  cabin  into  all  the  apartments  of  a  commodious 
mansion.  Hence  ours  became  the  model  cabin  in  the  Purchase. 

And  first,  the  puncheon ed  area  was  separated  into  two  grand 
parts,  by  an  honest  Scotch  carpet  hung  over  a  stout  pole  that 
ran  across  with  ends  rested  on  the  opposite  wall  plates. 

Secondly,  the  larger  space  was  subdivided  by  other  carpets 
and  buffalo  robes  into  chambers,  each  containing  one  bed  and 
twelve  nominal  inches  to  fix  and  unfix  in  ;  while  trunks,  boxes 
and  the  like  plunder  were  stationed  under  the  bed.  Articles 
intended  by  nature  to  be  hung — frocks,  hats,  coats,  etc. — were 
pendent  from  hooks  and  pegs  of  wood  inserted  into  the  wall. 
To  move  or  turn  round  in  such  a  chamber  without  mischief 
done  or  got  was  difficult ;  and  yet  we  came  at  last  to  the  skill 
of  a  conjuror  that  can  dance  blindfolded  among  eggs — we  could 
in  the  day  without  light  and  at  night  in  double  darkness,  get 
along,  and  without  displacing,  knocking  down,  kicking  over,  or 
tearing generally. 

The  chambers  were,  one  for  Uncle  John  and  his  nephew; 
one  for  the  widow  ladies  and  Miss  Emily,  who,  being  the  pet, 


90  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

nestled  at  night  in  a  trundle  bed,  partly  under  the  large  one ; 
and  one  very  small  room  for  the  help,  separated  from  the  Mis- 
tress' chamber  by  pendulous  petticoats.  Our  apprentices  slept 
in  an  out-house.  These  chambers  were  all  south  of  the  grand 
hall  of  eighteen  inches  wide  between  the  suites.  On  the  north, 
was  first  our  room  and  next  it  the  stranger's — a  room  into 
which  at  a  pinch  were  several  times  packed  thre,e  bodies  of 
divinity  or  clerical  dignitaries.  Beyond  the  hospitality  chamber 
was  the  toilette  room,  fitted  with  glasses,  combs,  hair-brushes, 
etc.,  and  after  our  arrival,  furnished  with  the  first  glass  window 
in  all  that  part  of  the  Purchase.  The  window  was  of  domestic 
manufacture ;  being  one  fixed  sash  containing  four  panes,  each 
eight  by  ten's,  by  whose  light  in  warm  weather  we  could  not 
only  fix  but  also  read  in  retirement. 

Thirdly,  the  smaller  space,  east  of  the  Scotch  wall,  was  sub- 
divided, but  like  zones  and  tropics,  with  mere  imaginary  lines. 
Front  of  the  fire-place  was  the  parlour.  Into  it  were  ushered 
visitors  ;  mainly,  however,  to  prevent  curiosity  or  awkwardness 
from  meddling  with  the  corners  and  their  uses. 

The  right-hand  corner  was  the  ladies'  private  sitting  room. 
It  was  fitted  with  clapboard  shelves ;  and  on  these  were  ar- 
ranged work-bags,  boxes,  baskets,  paint-boxes,  machinery  for 
sewing,  knitting,  etc.  The  left  side  corner  was  the  library;  or 
as  usually  styled — Carlton's  study. 

Our  artificial  rooms  were  indeed  connected  with  some  anoma- 
lies: for  instance,  under  the  parlour,  was  the  Potato  Hole! 
And  that  held  about  twenty  bushels.  'J'he  descent  into  this 
spacious  vault  was  accomplished  by  raising  a  puncheon,  and 
vaulting  down  on  the  vegetables ;  the  ascent,  by  resting  the 
hands  on  the  edges  of  the  parlour  floor,  and  weighing  the  body 
up.  Again,  Carlton's  study  had  in  it  a  species  of  dresser-closet, 
invented  and  constructed  by  the  author  himself.  It  was  con- 
structed of  clap-boards  dressed  with  a  hatchet :  and  held  books 
in  several  languages,  writings,  plates,  knives,  fiddle,  pepper-box, 
flute,  mustard-box,  and  box  of  rosin,  and  so  on  ;  while  some 
modest  and  light  cooking  utensils  were  lodged  in  the  basement 
story  shelves.  To  conceal  the  structure  was  hung  over  as  much 


THE     NEW      PURCHASE.  91 

of  its  front  as  could  be  covered,  an  invalid  table  cloth,  very- 
white  and  very  patched. 

The  kitchen  proper  had,  abo'ut  ten  yards  from  the  mansion 
house,  a  whole  cabin  to  itself.  Here  were  all  the  vulgar  pots, 
kettles,  frying-pans,  homminy-block,  and  the  like ;  here  the  com- 
mon cooking,  the  washing  and  ironing,  and  weaving,  and — oh  ! 
ever  so  many — common  and  uncommon  things  besides.  Pick- 
ling, preserving,  cake-baking,  clear-starching,  sugar-refining,  ruf- 
fle-ironing, candy-making,  and  all  such  polite  affairs  were  com- 
monly honoured  with  attention  in  the  parlour. 

Like  most  grandee  people  brought  low,  and  "  flitting"  to  the 
West,  our  plunder  was,  like  the  Vicar's  Family  Picture,  too 
large  for  the  house.  We  had  also  no  small  quantum  of  envy 
and  jealousy-exciting  articles,  "  the  like  of  which  had  never  been 
seen  growing  among  corn,"  at  least  in  the  Purchase — and  such, 
policy  required  should  be  hid.  Many  things,  therefore,  were 
left  packed  and  deposited  in  lofts  and  outhouses.  Still  some 
impolitic  articles  were  unpacked,  being,  however,  kept  concealed 
behind  the  curtain — like  sacred  mysteries  from  the  eyes  and 
hands  of  the  profane.  But  an  accident,  soon  after  our  arrival, 
delivered  the  colony  from  part  of  these. 

A  large,  antique,  and  elegantly  japanned  waiter  had  been 
nicely  balanced  on  a  shelf  in  the  toilette  chamber;  and  on  this 
grand  affair  were  tastefully  set  numerous  anti-tee-total  glasses, 
jelly  glasses,  remains  of  a  gilded  French  china  tea  set,  and  ever 
so  many  reliquice  Danaum* — all  regarded,  I  fear,  \vith  half  re- 
pressed elation,  as  shining  remembrancers  of  departed  glory 
and  greatness.  Anyhow,  more  than  once  on  my  sudden  ap- 
pearance behind  the  woolly  rampart,  there  was  Mrs.  C.,  and 
even  Aunt  Kitty  herself,  a  handling,  and  a  dusting,  and  a  refixr 
ing  the  relics,  as  devout  as  if  all  had  been  saints'  bones — often 
with  smiles  of  complacency — but  sometimes  with  tears  f  And, 
after  all,  perhaps,  that  was  not  so  very  unreasonable  : — friends 
far  away  now — yes,  some  no  more  on  earth — dear  friends  had 
once  surrounded  that  very  waiter — sipped  tea  from  those  very 


Danish  relics. 


92  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

cups — and  in  the  fashion  of  bygone  days,  had  drunk  healths 
from  those  glasses.  Reader !  may  be  you  have  shed  secret 
tears  yourself  over  such  things!  We  think  of  friends  then,  do 
we  not  1  Mournful  shadows  of  the  past  are  in  the  vision !  But 
the  Genius  of  the  Woods  was  incensed :  and  mark  the  conse- 
quences. 

One  day  Mrs.  Seymour  entered  the  parlour  with  a  cake  of 
sugar-tree  sugar  in  her  hands,  and  nearly  as  large  and  heavy  as 
she  could  conveniently  carry.  After  our  unanimous  admiration 
of  its  size,  and  breaking  off  lumps  to  taste,  the  dear  old  lady 
disappeared  to  deposit  the  saccharine  treasure  on  the  great 
store-shelf  constructed  immediately  over  the  waiter  of  idols. 
Now  oak  pins  are  very  strong,  tough  and  tenacious,  and  of  most 
Job-like  endurance — but  the  creatures  will  not  bear  every  thing ; 
hence  the  two  enormous  pins  under  the  store-shelf  had  repeat- 
edly sighed  forth  remonstrances,  as  extra  pound  after  pound  of 
hard  soap,  sugar,  tallow,  and  jugs  of  vinegar  and  molasses,  and 
what  nots,  were  cruelly  and  inconsiderately  added  to  the  al- 
ready almost  insupportable  weight.  But  to-day,  when  that 
hugeous  lump  of  sugar  was  suddenly  added  to  the  grievance, 
the  indignant  pins  would  stick  to  it  no  longer  :  in  a  moment — 
without  one  premonitory  creak — off  they  both  snapped  simulta- 
neously— and  down  came  the  soap  and  sugar,  and  tallow — down 
came  the  store  tea  and  the  true  coffee-coffee,  and  the  rye-coffee, 
and  the  ocra,  and  the  spices  in  brown  paper  bags,  and  the  pepper, 
red  and  black  in  exiled  tea  cups  !  Ah  !  yes  !  alas  !  alas !  and 
down  came  that  japanned  waiter  and  its  gilded  cups,  and  conical 
glasses  for  wine,  and  bell-mouthed  ones  for  ices  and  jellies !  and, 
moreover,  down  went  the  dear  old  lady  of  the  crimped  cap,  all 
rolling,  heaped,  mixed  higgledee-piggledee,  into  one  bushel  and 
a  peck  of  yellow  corn  meal  reposing  in  a  wash-tub,  and  thirty- 
one  and  a  half  pounds  of  wheat  flour  in  a  half-bushel  measure, 
below !  So  much  can  a  big  lump  of  unclarified  backwoods 
sugar  do  !  Ah !  had  it  been  double  rectified  loaf,  in  blue  paper, 
of  a  conical  form,  and  neatly  bound  with  hard  twisted  twines, 
dividing  off  circles  and  parabolas  !  But  a  lump  of  uncivilized 
sweetness  just  turned  out  of  a  pot ! — shame ! 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  93 

Mrs.  Seymour,  however,  was  soon  extricated  amid  the  al- 
most endless  oh's — ah's— who-could-have-thought-it's — and  simi- 
lar exclamations,  queries,  reproaches  and  extenuations,  pertain- 
ing to  accidents  created  by  ourselves :  and  happily  she  had 
sustained  no  injury  whatever,  although  the  outer  woman  was 
considerably  well  sugared,  well  mealed,  well  vinegared,  and  not 
a  little'soaped  !  But  the  glory  of  the  brittle  ware  shone  only 
in  pieces — multiplied  but  not  increased  !  Not  an  idol  escaped, 
save  a  little  punch  goblet  belonging  to  the  Carlton  ancestory, 
and  at  the  time  considerably  more  than  a  century  old !  and 
whether  the  sagacity  of  age  was  the  cause  or  not,  this  ancient 
relic  contrived  to  roll  by  itself  into  an  untouched  part  of  the 
meal-tub,  where,  after  the  pell-mell  ended,  it  was  discovered, 
whole  and  sound.  If  any  one  is  incredulous  we  will  show  him 
when  he  calls,  the  venerable  article  yet  preserved  in  cotton  ! 

About  the  time  of  this  accident,  the  venerable  old  pier  glass, 
suspended  opposite  the  only  door  of  the  cabin,  was  threatened 
with  a  very  great  danger.  A  neighbour  having  ended  a  morn- 
ing call,  that,  according  to  the  etiquette  of  the  Purchase,  had 
lasted  from  a  short  time  after  breakfast  till  past  noon,  rose  to 
depart  with  the  farewell  formula  "Well,  I  allow  I  must  be  a 
sort  a-goin'."  Then  off  he  started  with  great  activity  in  the  di- 
rection of  the  door  visible.  In  other  words,  mistaking  the  open 
door  reflected  in  the  glass  for  the  true  door,  he  began  kicking 
his  heavy  shod  feet  towards  the  mirror ;  but  as  he  ducked  his 
head  to  clear  the  lintel  of  the  scant  door,  he  naturally  encoun- 
tered a  rough  looking  personage  butting  against  himself  from 
the  apparent  door — when  round  he  wheeled,  confused,  but  just 
in  time,  to  avoid  stepping  into  the  very  bosom  of  the  old  re- 
flector ! 

Such  risk  was  too  great  for  the  glass  to  encounter  again,  and 
so  it  was  carefully  re-packed  and  put  away  till  we  removed  some 
years  after  to  Woodville ;  where,  as  it  could  be  placed  so  as 
to  imitate  neither  door  nor  window,  it  was  brought  again  into 
the  light  and  permitted  to  renew  its  reflections.  Alas,  then, 
however,  a  dear  face  that  had  been  familiar  to  the  old  mirror 
for  nearly  three-fourths  of  a  century,  was  seen  pictured  there 


94  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

no  more  /  Young  and  joyous,  and  pleasant  faces,  have  often 
since  peeped  from  its  bosom  ;  but  never  one  so  mild,  so  re- 
signed, so  radiant  even  on  earth  with  beams  from  the  heavenly 
world,  as  that  venerable  and  venerated  countenance,  gazing  now 
and  without  a  medium  upon  the  resplendent  and  ravishing 
scenes  ! 

Pulvis  et  umbra  sumus. 


CHAPTER    XVI. 

"  Qaadrupedante  putrem  quatit  ungula  campum." 

"Ahorse !  a  horse !  my  kingdom  for  a  horse!" A 

Four-legged,  horn-hoofed,  sod-shaking,  galloping,  live  horse. 

J.  GLENVILLE  and  myself,  not  being  able  to  complete  certain 
arrangements  immediately,  my  first  summer  and  autumn  were 
spent  in  learning  two  arts,  the  one  tending  to  the  preservation 
of  hides,  the  other,  to  the  destruction  of  hides  : — grinding  bark, 
and  rifle-shooting.  The  present  chapter  is  devoted  to  the  former, 
the  subsequent,  to  the  latter  art. 

Our  bark-house  was  of  the  Grecian  architecture  in  its  infancy, 
being  almost  wholly  upright  poles  as  columns,  on  which  reposed, 
when  the  grinding  ceased,  the  calm  moonlight  horizontals,  kept 
from  falling  off  by  the  crotches  of  the  perpendiculars.  On  the 
horizontals  were  laid  other  poles,  and  on  these  the  roof,  the  lat- 
ter being  with  due  regard  made  of  bark.  Under  this  shelter 
was  our  store  of  bark ;  mostly  oak  and  chestnut,  with  here  and 
there  a  pile  of  beech  ;  and  here,  at  one  end,  was  our — ay !  what 
shall  it  be  called  1  Say,  tanners  and  curriers,  and  all  ye  other 
hide  dressers  ?  Shall  we  say  our  bark-masher — or  breaker — or 
mill — or  pounder — or  tritterer?  However,  I  will  describe, 
and  you  name. 

First,  was  a  hexagonal  beam.  This  stood  up  nearly  perpen- 
dicular, its  iron  pivots  at  each  end  being  inserted  into  iron 
sockets  fastened  above  and  below ;  and  by  means  of  these 
pivots  the  beam  could,  when  required,  circulate  with  entire 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  95 

freedom.  Next,  into  this  hexagonal,  was  fixed  at  right  angles 
an  hexagonal  axis,  yet  free  to  move  at  the  end  inserted ;  while 
its  other  end,  passing  first  the  theoretical  centre  of  a  wheel — the 
axis  there  being  wedged  in  theory  immoveable — it  continued 
beyond  the  lateral  surface  of  said  wheel  far  enough  to  admit 
fixtures  for  Old  Dick — a  quadruped  presently  to  be  introduced, 
not  fashionably  and  formally  by  the  tip  of  a  hat  and  the  tip  of 
a  finger,  but  in  detail,  i.  e.,  from  head  to  tail. 

But  the  wheel ! — ah!  had  we  that  wheel  and  dear  Old  Dick  in 
here  to  grind  bark  as  a  show  !  It  came  nearer  perpetual  mo- 
tion, that  is,  when  Dick  was  harnessed,  and  I  had  the  rake  in  my 
hand,  nearer  than  any  thing  I  have  ever  known  since  Redheifer's. 
The  article  was  composed  of  eight  large  white-oak  blocks ;  the 
four  interior  ones  being  parallelogramic,  the  four  circumferential 
being  plano-convex;  and  all  bound  by  long  wooden  pins  driven 
from  the  circumference,  and  by  enormous  clamps  on  the  lateral 
surfaces.  In  this  state  of  e  pluribus  unum,  the  affair  was  as 
near  a  circle  as  is  the  earth  to  a  sphere  ;  and  when  art  so  closely 
resembles  nature  wheelwrights  should  be  satisfied.  But  when 
motion  began,  the  sections  and  segments  not  moving  unani- 
mously, circles  were  evolved  whose  circumferences  did  not 
obey  the  definition,  in  preserving  equal  distances  from  the  cen- 
tre— nor  did  the  centre  stick  exactly  to  its  own  point.  Espe- 
cially were  these  irregularities  visible,  if  Old  Dick  became 
fidgetty,  or  "  suspicioned"  I  was  going  to  rake  him — when  he 
would  jerk  the  whole  concern  with  so  sudden  a  vengeance,  as 
not  only  to  displace  the  central  wedges  intended  to  confine  the 
axis  in  the  wheel,  but  to  threaten  the  dissolution  of  the  whole 
bark  house. 

The  wheel — by  courtesy — was  fourteen  inches  thick  ;  and  its 
circumference  was  pierced  with  many  holes  by  an  inch-and- 
quarter  auger  to  the  depth  of  eight  inches  in  towards  the  centre; 
and  these  holes  were  armed  with  strong  pegs  or  wooden  teeth, 
driven  to  the  entire  depth,  and  left  projecting  from  the  circum- 
ference about  four  inches  each  : — the  whole  thus  forming  as  tre- 
mendous and  effective  an  engine  of  torture  as  the  best  inquisitors 
could  desire  for  the  extension  of  the  Church.  Indeed,  if  any 


9fi  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

saint,  after  his  Holiness  shall  have  converted  our  pagan  coun- 
tries, wish  with  young  Doctor  Oxford  to  break  ungodly  here- 
tics, either  on  or  under  the  wheel,  for  offences  against  the  State, 
ours  would  be  the  very  dandy.  But  let  not  Mr.  Dominick 
think  Old  Dick  could  have  been  either  persuaded  or  goaded 
to  pull  the  wheel  over  human  beings  :  hardly  could  he  be 
frightened  or  coaxed  to  pull  it  over  lifeless  bark !  No !  no ! 
godly  people  must  work  the-^ wheel  themselves  j  unless  they 
prefer  a  treadmill,  or  employ  steam. 

Lastly,  the  floor.  This  had  the  perpendicular,  hexagonal 
rotary  shaft  first  described,  as  its  centre,  or  thereabouts; 
whence  extended  imaginary  radii,  some  five,  others  nearly  six 
feet,  rendering  it  doubtful  if  three  times  the  diameter  was  pre- 
cisely equal  to  the  circumference.  Still  the  circumference  being 
bounded  by  a  border  rising  above  the  floor  an  average  of  ten 
inches,  the  contents  of  the  area  could  easily  be  known  by  the 
wheelbarrow  loads  of  ground  bark  carried  thence  to  the  vats — 
near  enough  at  least  for  a  popular  lecture  before  some  institute 
of  practical  science. 

Another  last  word,  however,  seems  necessary,  about  our 
floor.  It  was  of  puncheons.  Not,  my  friend,  the  puncheons 
of  brandy  stores,  distilleries,  or  other  alcoholic  abodes,  but 
back-wood  puncheons.  And  these  are  a  species  of  Robinson 
Crusoe  board,  being  planks  from  three  to  ten  feet  long,  and 
from  two  to  five  inches  thick ;  and  wide  as  the  size  of  the  trees 
whence  they  are  severally  hewed  by  the  means  of  axe  and  adze. 
On  such  gigantic  flooring  do  primitive  Buckeyes,  Hoosiers  and 
the  like  tread  and  sleep,  after  the  departure  of  the  red  aborigi- 
nals. 

But  come,  Dick,  my  nonpareil  of  "  hoss  beasts,"  trot  up,  for 
thy  history  and  portrait. 

"When  this  remarkable  quadruped  was  foaled  is  uncertain. 
No  satisfaction  on  this  point  could  be  gained  even  from  his  own 
mouth :  not  that  Dick  would  utter  a  deliberate  falsehood — that 
was  impossible — but  still  the  answers  he  gave  by  his  mouth,  to 
different  experienced  jockeys,  made  some  say  he  was  sixteen, 
and  others  twenty-six  years  old ! — I  have  known  some  even  in- 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  97 

sist  he  must  be  at  least  thirty  !  and  some  even  forty  !  I  incline 
to  the  opinion,  however,  that,  like  certain  human  bachelors, 
Dick  was  of  no  particular  age. 

It  is  agreed  by  all  that  he  was  foaled,  however ;  and  in  Penn- 
sylvania, among  the  mountains  about  the  Bear  Gap.  Here  he 
was  brought  up  to  the  wagoning  business,  having  served  his  ap- 
prenticeship with  the  famous  teamster,  Mr.  Conestoga  Dutchy. 
Acting  in  his  tender  years  as  wheel-horse,  he  was  so  constantly 
squeezed  between  the  wagon  pushing  him  forward  from  his  tail, 
and  his  master  pulling  him  backward  from  his  head,  that  his 
longitudinal  growth  was  very  greatly  impeded ;  and  it  could 
be  said,  not  that  Dick  was  longer  than  any  other  brief  horse, 
but  only  not  quite  so  short.  Happily,  what  was  wanting  to  the 
fellow's  longitude  was  added  to  his  latitude  ;  and  after  all,  he 
had  as  much  weight  of  character  as  longer  horses,  and,  like  a 
French  bullet,  more  too  in  a  lump.  On  emergencies,  although 
Dick  was  educated  as  a  wheel-horse,  he  could  act  in  the  lead, 
and  well  understood  the  difference  between  the  line  jerked  and 
the  line  pulled — indeed,  better,  I  must  confess,  than  Mr.  Carlton 
himself,  who  often  managed  the  line  wrong,  to  the  great  jeop- 
ardy of  his  load ;  only  Dick,  out  of  generosity,  would  usually 
go  the  way  the  driver  meant,  but  for  which  in  ignorance,  he  had 
given  the  improper  signal. 

At  the  earnest  recommendation  of  their  mutual  friends,  Dick 
was  bought  as  a  family  horse  by  Uncle  John,  when  in  Nor- 
thumberland. Accordingly  the  fellow,  after  performing  won- 
ders on  the  journey  from  Philadelphia  to  the  West,  in  hawing 
and  geeing,  and  in  pulling  right  dead  ahead  up  one  side  a  moun- 
tain and  holding  back  down  the  other  ;  and  after  having  ploughed, 
and  harrowed,  and  thrashed,  etc.,  in  Kentucky,  came  at  last  with 
the  family  to  the  Purchase;  where,  at  our  arrival,  he  was 
cherished  as  no  unimportant  member  of  the  Glenville  com- 
munity. 

Here  he  hauled  logs  for  cabins  and  fires,  and  bark  for  the 
tannery,  went  to  mill  both  with  and  without  the  cart,  and  some- 
times to  meeting  and  sometimes  to  Woodville.  In  going  to 
mill  without  the  cart  he  usually  carried  one  man  and  two  bags : 
5 


98  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

bag  No.  1,  full  of  wheat,  bag  No.  2,  full  of  corn ;  and  this  was 
always  the  case  in  freshets,  for  Dick  forded  creeks  like  a  sea- 
horse ;  although  the  things  on  his  back  might  keep  dry  if  they 
could,  his  back  being  under  water.  As  to  being  floated  away — 
phoo  ! — preposterous ! — Dick  could  stay  a  creek  like  a  dam  ! 
He  could  grind  bark  too  and  carry  raw  hides  and  hides  tanned, 
having  no  fears  about  his  own !  That  was  almost  like  the  hide 
of  a  rhinoceros,  and  would  have  resisted  every  process  to  trans- 
mute it  into  leather,  patent  or  unpatent — and  we  used  both. 

But  nothing  so  endeared  Dick  to  his  friends  as  his  mental  and 
moral  qualities.  He  was  for  these  worthy  of  the  fairy  age ;  and 
had  he  lived  in  the  days  of  Beauty  and  the  Beast,  I  do  think  he 
would  have  talked  right  out  as  well  as  the  best  of  the  brutes 
belonging  to  the  era.  He  was,  among  other  matters,  the  only 
horse  that  had  a  relish  for  practical  jokes.  Let  any  one  leave  a 
nice  flitch  of  fat  bacon  in  the  sun  till  the  pot  was  ready,  under 
the  notion  too,  that  greasing  a  horse's  teeth  will  stop  his  eating 
oats,  the  rascal  was  sure  to  smell  out  and  devour  it !  Let  the 
girl  set  out  a  swill  for  Sukey,  and  turn  away  a  few  moments — 
you  might  catch  sight  of  the  tip  of  Dick's  ear  as  he  peeped 
from  behind  the  smoke  house  till  the  coast  was  clear ;  and  the 
next  instant  he  would  be  gobbling  the  mess,  lifting  his  black- 
brown  head  to  grin  at  the  stupid  cow,  and  with  a  keen  twinkling 
eye  watchi'ng  the  return  of  the  girl.  And  when  the  help  came 
in  a  whirlwind  of  wrath  not  indeed  on  but  with  a  broomstick — 
bah!  how  he  would  heel  it,  snorting  and  showing  his  teeth, 
equivalent  with  him  to  saying — "  catch  a  duck  asleep !"  Or 
when  Dick  was  regaling  on  his  own  allowance  of  corn  on  the 
ear,  in  the  front  of  the  inclined  cart,  and  swiney  ran  grunting 
up  for  a  chance  grain  or  so  dropped  on  the  ground,  our  wag 
would  on  a  sudden,  with  his  teeth,  seize  the  unschooled  creature 
just  back  of  the  shoulders,  and  then  lifting  him  up,  shake  him 
so  as  to  fill  all  Glenville  with  the  squealings  of  terror  or  pain ; 
making  it  evident  to  all  untutored  beasts  that  Dick  himself  had 
lived  when  the  schoolmaster  was  abroad. 

He  was  kind  to  men ;  but  to  women  he  was  specially  kind. 
For  fun,  he  would  carry  males  double  and  even  treble;  but 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  99 

females  might  be  packed  from  stem  to  stern  and  the  kind  soul 
would  trot  away  with  an  evident  care.  True,  he  would  now 
and  then  turn  his  quizzical  head  with  a  make-believe  snap  at  the 
dangling  feet,  but  it  was  manifest  all  was  sham  from  his  peculiar 
grin — his  way  of  laughing — when  any  not  acquainted  with  the 
trick  would  scream  or  jump  down.  When  thus  used  for  sport, 
no  saddle  or  bridle  was  needed;  the  passengers  on  the  fore- 
castle holding  by  the  mane,  those  on  the  poop,  by  the  helm,  and 
those  amidships  sittin,  a  la  squaw,  with  ancles  on  both  sides. 
The  steering  was,  however,  done  at  the  prow  by  boxing  his  ears 
and  then  he  turned  at  right  angles  with  the  slap.  If  fun  was  to 
be  made — indicated  to  him  by  a  peculiarity  in  the  slapping — he 
turned  so  suddenly  as  to  occasion  the  rise,  the  fall,  and  the 
flourish  of — hem  !  And  indeed  this  was  the  grand  recreation 
and  sport  in  the  whole  affair !  and  a  ride  on  old  Dick  was  one 
of  the  inducements  to  the  young  ladies  from  the  neighbour- 
hoods to  visit  Glenville !  — 

Oh !  ay  !  you  may  suspend  all  this  on  your  nose :  but,  be- 
lieve me,  in  no  way  is  the  fear  of  the  in-heres  before  the  eyes 
of  the  out-theres ;  secondly,  folks  will  play ;  and  thirdly,  re- 
member " de  gustibus  non" — i.  e.,  "some  love  hog  and  horn- 
miny." 

But  I  must  not  make  too  large  a  picture ;  so  with  the  men- 
tion of  Dick's  idiosyncracy — for  since  the  birth  of  Phrenology 
that  disease  is  quite  fashionable — we  shall  for  the  present  suffer 
him  to  trot  away.  Like  other  celebrated  persons  he  had  his 
antipathies :  he  never  could  bear  the  sight  of  a  dead  owl !  and, 
unless  blindfolded,  would  never  carry  on  his  back  the  carcass 
of  a  dead  deer !  And  this,  after  carrying  barn-hill  fowls  a  dozen 
at  a  time  tied  by  the  legs  and  dangling  against  his  sides!  and 
tanned  and  raw  hides  innumerable!  Hence  his  enemies  may 
suppose  it  was  all  affectation — but  it  was  no  such  thing — it  was 
real  and  uncontrollable  idiosyncracy — it  was  his  individuality. 

Such  then  was  our  barkery,  our  bark,  and  our  bark  grinder — 
and,  such  was  old  Dick.  But  all  in  motion  !  Can  one  without 
a  black  board  and  diagj-ams  exhibit  the  cycloids  of  that  uncir- 
cular  roundity — the  wheel !  Can  we  without  brass  bauds  and 


100  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

bad  players  make  audible  the  skreaking  of  the  ungreased 
pivots? — the  curious  moaning  and  growling  of  the  axis'? — and 
the  dreadful  cracking  and  crashing  of  the  bark  under  the  minia- 
ture Juggernaut  1  And  who  has  skill  to  catch  and  fix  on  paper, 
or  canvas,  the  look  and  manner  of  that  more  than  half  reason- 
ing horse — after  resting  the  full  hour  I  had  been  in  chase  of  a 
playful  squirrel — starting  off  at  the  crack  of  the  rifle,  and 
trying  to  prove  by  his  manner  that  he  had  been  going  all  the 
time  ! 

If  any  one  is  Hogarth  enough  when  he  undertakes  this  work 
with  "  picters  to  match,"  let  him  not  fail  to  illustrate 

Old  Dick  and  the  Bark  Mill. 


CHAPTER    XVII. 

"Omne  tulit  punctum." 
"Centre -every  time." 

READER,  were  you  ever  Jlred  with  the  love  of  rifle  shooting  ? 
If  so,  the  confidence  now  reposed  in  your  honour  will  not  be 
abused,  when  told  my  love  for  that  noble  art  is  unabated  :  nay, 
let  me  whisper  in  your  ear — 

"What  yet?" 

Yes — in  the  corner  of  my  bed  chamber  a  genuine  New  Pur- 
chase rifle !  And  all  the  forest  equipments, — otter  skin  bullet 
pouch  with  a  tail  gracefully  pendent — a  scalping  knife  in  a 
sheath  adorned  with  porcupine  quills — a  savage  little  hatchet — 
a  powder  horn,  and  its  loader  of  deer-horn,  tied  on  with  a  deer 
sinew  and  holding  enough  to  prime  a  shot  gun — a  mould  run- 
ning three  hundred  and  twenty-five  to  the  pound — wipers — an 
iron  hook  to  tote  squirrels — and  some  hundred  and  fifty  patches 
all  strung  and  fastened  to  the  leather  strap  of  the  pouch — ay  ! 
and  a  pair  of  moccasins  and  pair  of  green  leggins,  and — 

"Do  you  ever  yet  go  a  gunning1?" 

Gunning ! — alas  !  is  that  degrading  appellation  to  be  applied 


OLD  DICK  "STARTS"  ms  WHEEL  AT  THE  CRACK  OK  THE  RIFLE. 

Page  100. 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  101 

to  hunting ! — but  how  should  they  know  ?  Yes,  I  do  steal  off 
sometimes  and  try  to  fancy  myself  in  the  woods.  But  what 
are  these  scrawney  little  trees  fenced  in  to  prevent  cattle  from 
eating  them  down  ?  Where  is  a  squirrel,  or  a  racoon,  or  a  fox, 
or  a  turkey  to  hide  ?  And  where  can  one  lose  himself  and  camp 
out  ?  No  grand  and  centurial  trees  here  reaching  up  to  heaven 
and  sending  roots  to  the  centre  of  the  earth!  No  hollow 
caverns  in  enormous  trunks,  where  wolves  and  bears  may  lurk  ! 
No  vast  sheltering  expanse  of  tops  where  panthers  and  wild 
cats  may  find  security !  How  vain  to  think  of  crawling 
through  a  thicket  of  undergrowth  to  the  leeside  of  a  deer,  step, 
ping  with  moccasined  foot — stirring  no  leaves — -cracking  no 
twig — shaking  no  bushes — till  one  can  get  within  the  magical 
distance,  a  hundred  yards.  Nothing,  nothing  here,  to  excite 
dread,  call  forth  skill,  reward  toil,  and  show  the  independence 
of  the  hunter. 

True,  1  make-believe,  like  little  girls,  playing  baby-house  ;  I 
say  to  my  myself,  "  Now,  Carl  ton,  'spose  that  old  log  away  off 
there  was  a  bear  ? — or  that  tame  turkey  a  wild  one — or  that 
cream-coloured  calf  a  deer — or  that  sharp-eared  dog  a  wolf?" 
And  instinctively  I  catch  myself  with  my  side  that  way,  draw- 
ing a  bead  with  one  eye  into  the  hind  sight  and  fixing  the  other 
on  the  may-be  game,  and  then,  click  goes  the  trigger.  Fortu- 
nate, the  rifle  is  not  cocked.  Indeed,  these  rehearsals  are  al- 
ways without  a  load  ;  if  not,  farewell  to  the  integrity  of  the 
little  knot  in  the  old  log — and  to  the  gambols  of  calf  and  dog — 
good  night  to  the  eyes  of  farm  turkeys  and  dunghill  roosters ! 

In  vain  do  flocks  of  black-birds  and  robins,  and  torn-tits 
rise ! — they  might  perch  on  my  shoulders  :  for  who  but  A 
wretched  dandy  and  shot-gun  driveller,  with  a  double-barrelled 
gun,  a  whole  pound  of  powder!  and  four  pounds!  of  shot!  will 
fire  at  a  flock,  killing  two  and  wounding  twenty  ?  To  be  sure 
a  curious  stranger  will  sometimes  meet  us  and  politely  request 
to  see  "a  rifle  discharged!"  and  with  an  incredulous  smile 
wonder  if  a  man  can  really  hit  a  solitary  single  bird  with  so 
"  minute"  a  ball !  And  then  we  cannot  but  show  off,  and  so  we 
begin  with  amazing  condescension  : 


102  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

"  Sir  !  do  you  see  that  little  blue  bird  ?" 
"  Oh  !  yes  !  that  tiny  creature  on  the  next  tree." 
"  'Tut,  no  ! — that  to  your  right,  on  the  post." 
V  What !  that  away  there  1  too  far,  sir,  too  far." 
"  Too  far  ! — forty-five  yards  in  a  straight  line  ! !" 
Reader,  we  hit  in  any  direction  ;  but  a  horizontal  or  a  little 
below  is  our  preference.     The  rifle  is  better  balanced ;  and  the 
light,  especially  in  opposition  to  the  sun,  is  thus  less  dazzling 
and  makes  the  cleanest  bead.     Hence  I  select,  if  possible,  on 
occasions  like  the  present,  a  bird  so  placed  as  to  render  the  affair 
more  like  our  target  firing. 

"  Now,  sir," — we  continue — "  I  shall  hit  that  bird." 
"If  you  do,  I  will  eat  it." 

"  Then  you  will  have  your  supper  in  a  second  or  two." 
And  with  that  I  set  triggers — toss  down  my  hat — feel  fur  a 
level  with  my  feet — cock  rifle — turn  left  side  to  the  mark — 
raise  the  piece  with  my  thumb  on  the  cock — incline  shoulders 
back  with  knees  bending  outward — till  the  mass  of  man  and 
gun  rests  on  the  base — let  fall  the  rifle  a  little  below  object — 
and  then,  ceasing  to  breathe  and  stopping  my  pulse — and  bring- 
ing into  the  hind  sight  a  silver  bead  like  a  pin's  head,  I  rapidly 
raise  that  bead  till  darkened  by  the  feathers  under  the  throat — 
and  the  next  you  see  is  a  gentle  flutter  of  spread  wings  as  if  the 
poor  little  creature  was  flying  down  for  a  worm  or  a  crumb. 

"  Ah  !  sir,  you've  only  inflicted  a  severe  wound  ;  but  really 
this  is  wonderful !  I  could  hardly  believe  in  this  skill  unless  I 
saw  it." 

"  Well,  sir,  please  pick  it  up ;  the  poor  tit  is  dead  enough, 
and  never  knew  what  hurt  him."  And  of  course,  reader,  it 
must  be  so,  for  the  bird's  head  is  off. 

Such  skill  was  of  course  not  the  work  of  a  day.  Ounces  of 
powder  and  pounds  of  lead  were  spent  in  vain  first :  and  many 
a  squirrel,  at  the  crack  of  the  rifle,  would  remain  chattering  or 
eating  a  nut,  imagining  somebody  was  shooting  somewhere ; 
until  conjecturing  by  the  third  or  fourth  ball  pealing  bark  some 
two  or  three  feet  from  him,  that  the  firing  was  rather  in  his 
direction,  away  he  would  scud  for  fear  a  chance  bullet  should 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  103 

maybe  hit  him  !  But  my  heart  was  in  the  matter  in  those 
days.  Hence  it  is  no  great  marvel  if  in  due  time  my  rifle  dealt 
out  certain  death  second  to  none  in  the  Purchase.  What  avail 
^/^.concealment  in  the  topmost  branches ;  there  was  the  dark 
spot  of  a  body  or  a  head  amid  the  green  leaves.  What !  a  re- 
treat behind  crotches  or  into  holes ;  there  was  yet  the  tip  of  an 
ear  or  point  of  a  nose,  or  twinkle  of  an  eye.  Or  did  a  squirrel 
expand  on  a  small  limb  till  his  body  above  was  a  mere  line  of 
fur  on  the  bark  like  feathery  hair  on  a  caterpillar]  in  vain, 
"  the  meat"  was  mine. 

A  squirrel  once  so  stretched  himself  as  to  create  a  doubt 
whether  a  squirrel  was  above  the  branch  or  not ;  but  firing 
secundum  artem  down  he  came,  and,  as  was  necessary,  dead. 

Yet  wound  external  had  he  none ;  he  had  been  killed,  as  is 
often  the  case,  although  it  occurred  but  once  with  me,  by  con- 
cussion ;  the  ball  having  struck  the  limb  of  the  tree  exactly 
under  his  heart. 

Let  none  think  we  western  people  follow  rifle  shooting,  how- 
ever, for  mere  sport ;  that  would  be  nearly  as  ignoble  as  shot 
gun  idleness  !  The  rifle  procures,  at  certain  seasons,  the  only 
meat  we  ever  taste ;  it  defends  our  homes  from  wild  animals 
and  saves  our  corn-fields  from  squirrels  and  our  hen-roosts  from 
foxes,  owls,  opossums  and  other  "  varmints."  With  it  we  kill 
our  beeves  and  our  hogs,  and  cut  off  our  fowls'  heads :  do  all 
things  in  fact,  of  the  sort  with  it,  where  others  use  an  axe,  or  a 
knife,  or  that  far  east  savagism,  the  thumb  and  finger.  The  rifle 
is  a  woodman's  lasso.  He  carries  it  everywhere  as — a  very 
degrading  comparison  for  the  gun,  but  none  other  occurs — as 
a  dandy  a  cane.  All,  then,  who  came  to  our  tannery  or  store 
came  thus  armed ;  and  rarely  did  a  customer  go,  till  his  rifle 
had  been  tried  at  a  mark,  living  or  dead,  and  we  had  listened 
to  achievements  it  had  done  and  could  do  again.  No  wonder, 
in  these  circumstances,  if  I  should  practice  ;  especially  when  it 
needed  but  the  flash  of  a  rifle-pan  to  set  off  our  in-bred  maga- 
zine of  tendencies  towards  bullet-moulds  and  horn  loaders! 
No  wonder,  that,  after  many  failures,  even  in  hitting  a  tree, 
Mr.  Carlton  could  be  seen  in  his  glory  at  last,  standing  within 


104  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

lines  of  beholders  right  and  left,  and  at  forty-five  yards  off-hand 
planting  bullet  after  bullet  into  the  same  auger  hole  !  Reader, 
may  you  live  a  thousand  years ;  but  if  you  must  die,  unless 
somebody  will  save  your  life  by  splitting  an  apple  on  your 
head — William  Tell  size — at  fifty  yards  off-hand  with  a  rifle 
ball,  send  for  me — shut  your  eyes  for  fear  of  flinching — and  at 
the  crack — go,  your  life  is  your  own  ! 

Old  Dick  is  one  hobby  often  mounted  literally  and  maybe 
now  too  often,  metaphorically  ;  the  rifle  is  my  other.  But  with 
this  by  no  means  must  we  bore  you  :  and,  therefore,  after  nar- 
rating my  famous  shots  in  behalf  of  the  Temperance  Society, 
we  shall  for  the  present  put  the  gun  on  the  rack  over  the  fire- 
place. 

Glenville  and  myself  were  once,  on  some  mercantile  affairs, 
travelling  in  an  adjoining  county,  when  we  came  suddenly  on  a 
party  preparing  to  shoot  at  a  mark ;  and  from  the  energy  of 
words  and  gestures  it  was  plain  enough  a  prize  of  unusual  im- 
portance was  proposed.  We  halted  a  moment,  and  found  the 
stake  to  be  a  half-barrel  of  whiskey.  If  ever,  then  and  there 
was  to  be  sharp-shooting  ;  and  without  question,  then  and  there 
was  present  every  chap  in  the  settlements  that  could  split  a 
bullet  on  his  knife-blade  or  take  the  rag  off  the  bush. 

"  Glenville,"  said  I,  seized  with  a  sudden  whim,  "  lend  me 
fifty  cents;  I  mean  to  shoot." 

"  Nonsense  !  Carlton  ;  you  can't  win  here  ;  and  if  you  could, 
what  does  the  president  of  a  temperance  society  want  with  a 
barrel  of  whiskey  ]" 

"John,  if  I  can  find  a  gun  here  anything  like  my  own,  I  can 
win.  And  although  I  have  never  before  won  or  lost  a  penny,  I 
shall  risk  half  a  dollar  now  for  the  fun  of  the  thing,  and  to  have 
the  satisfaction  of  knocking  yonder  barrel  in  the  head  and  let- 
ting out  the  stuff  into  the  branch  here." 

After  some  further  discussion  Glenville  acquiesced,  and  we 
drew  near  the  party ;  where  dismounting,  I  made  the  following 
speech  and  proposal : 

"  Well,  gentlemen,  I  think  I  can  outshoot  any  man  on  the 
ground,  if  you  will  let  us  come  in  and  any  neighbour  here  will 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  105 

allow  me  to  shoot  his  gun,  in  case  I  can  find  one  to  my  notion ; 
and  here's  my  fifty  cents  for  the  chance.  But,  gentlemen  and 
fellow-citizens,  I  intend  to  be  right  out  and  out  like  a  back- 
woodsman ;  and  so  you  must  all  know  we  are  cold  water  men, 
and  don't  believe  in  whiskey  ;  and  so,  in  case  we  win,  the  barrel 
is,  you  know,  ours,  and  then  I  shall  knock  the  article  in  the 
head.  But  then  we  are  willing  to  pay  either  in  money  or  tem- 
perance tracts  the  amount  of  treat  every  gentleman  will  get  if 
any  body  else  wins." 

To  this  a  fine,  hardy-looking  farmer,  apparently  some  sixty 
years  old,  and  evidently  the  patriarch  of  the  settlement,  re- 
plied : 

"  Well,  stranger,  come  on  ;  you're  a  powerful  honest  man 
any  how ;  and  here's  my  hand  to  it ;  if  you  win,  which  will  a 
sort  a  tough  you  though,  you  may  knock  the  stingo  in  the  head. 
And  stranger,  you  kin  have  this  here  gun  of  mine,  or  Long 
Jake's  there ;  or  any  one  you  have  a  notion  on.  How  do  you 
shoot  1 

"  Off-hand,  neighbour ;  any  allowance  ?" 

"  Yes ;  one  hundred  yards  with  a  rest ;  eighty -five  yards  off- 
hand." 

"Agreed." 

"Agreed." 

Arrangements  and  conditions,  usual  in  grand  contests  like 
that  before  us,  were  these  : 

1st.  A  place  level  as  possible  was  selected  and  cleared  of  all 
intervening  bushes,  twigs,  etc.  2d.  A  large  tree  was  chosen. 
Against  this  the  target  shingles  were  to  be  set,  and  from  its 
roots,  or  rather  trunk,  were  measured  off  towards  the  upper  end 
of  the  cleared  level,  the  two  distances,  eighty -five  and  one  hun- 
dred yards.  A  pair  of  very  fine  natural  dividers  were  used  on 
this  occasion  ;  viz  :  a  tall  young  chap's  legs,  who  stepped  with 
an  elastic  jerk,  counting  every  step  a  yard  ;  a  profitable  meas- 
ure if  one  was  buying  broadcloth ;  but  here  the  little  surpluses 
on  the  yards  were  equally  to  the  advantage  of  all.  3d.  Cross 
lines  at  each  distance,  eighty-five  and  one  hundred  yards,  were 
drawn  on  the  measured  line ;  and  on  the  first  the  marksman 
5* 


106  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

stood  who  fired  off-hand,  while  on  the  second  the  rests  were 
placed  or  constructed.  Rests  depended  on  taste  and  fancy ; 
some  made  their  own — some  used  their  comrades' — and  some 
rested  the  rifle  against  the  side  of  a  tree  on  the  line :  and  of  all 
the  rests  this  is  the  best,  if  one  is  careful  to  place  the  barrel, 
near  its  muzzle,  against  the  tree,  and  not  to  press  hard  upon  the 
barrel.  Some  drive  in  two  forked  stakes,  and  place  on  them  a 
horizontal  piece  ;  and  some  take  a  chair,  and  then  seated  on  the 
ground,  they  have  the  front  of  the  chair  towards  them,  and  its 
legs  between  their  feet,  resting  the  whole  gun  thus  upon  the  seat 
of  the  chair.  Again,  many  set  a  small  log  or  stone  before 
them,  and  then  lying  down  flat  on  their — hem  !  they  place  the 
muzzle  on  the  rest,  and  the  btttt  of  the  gun  on  the  ground  near 
their  face  ;  and  then  the  rifle  seems  as  moveless  as  if  screwed 
in  a  vice.  In  this  way  Indians  and  woodsmen  often  lie  in  am- 
buscade for  deer  at  the  licks,  or  enemies  in  war. 

4th.  Every  man  prepared  a  separate  target.  This  was  a 
poplar  shingle,  having  near  its  middle  a  spot  blackened  with 
powder  or  charcoal  as  a  ground  ;  and  on  this  ground  was  nailed, 
at  its  four  corners,  a  piece  of  white  paper  about  an  inch  square, 
and  its  centre  formed  by  a  diamond  hole ;  two  corners  being 
perpendicularly  up  and  down.  From  the  interior  angles  of  the 
diamond  were  scratched  with  a  knife  point  two  diagonals,  and 
at  their  intersection  was  the  true  centre.  With  a  radius  of  four 
inches  from  this  centre  was  then  circumscribed  a  circle :  if  be- 
yond this  circumference  any  one  of  the  allotted  shots  struck, 
but  a  hair's  breadth,  all  other  shots,  even  if  in  the  very  centre, 
were  nugatory — the  unlucky  marksman  lost. 

5th.  Each  man  had  three  shots.  And  provided  the  three 
were  within  the  circle,  each  was  to  be  measured  by  a  line  from 
the  centre  of  the  diamond  to  the  near  edge  of  the  bullet-hole — 
except, a  ball  grazed  the  centre,  and  then  the  line  went  to  the 
centre  of  the  hole — and  then,  the  three  separate  lengths  added 
were  estimated  as  one  string  or  line,  the  shortest  securing  the 
prize.  This  is  called  line-shooting. 

6th.  Each  one  fixed  his  target  against  the  tree  as  he  pleased ; 
and  then,  each  man  was  to  fire  his  three  shots  in  succession, 


THE     NEW      PURCHASE.  107 

without   being   hurried    or    retarded.     We   occupied,   on   an 
average,  to-day,  every  man,  about  fifteen  minutes. 

More  than  thirty  persons  were  assembled,  out  of  whom  had 
been  selected  seven  as  the  best  marksmen ;  but  these,  induced 
by  the  novelty,  having  good-naturedly  admitted  me,  we  were 
now  eight.  Of  the  eight,  five  preferred  to  shoot  with  a  rest ; 
but  the  old  Achates,  the  sapling  woodman — Tall  Jake — that  had 
stepped  off  the  distances,  and  myself,  were  to  fire  off  hand.  All 
the  rifles  were  spontaneously  offered  for  the  stranger's  use.  I 
chose,  however,  Tall  Jake's ;  for  although  about  a  pound  too 
heavy,  it  sighted  like  my  own,  and  went  as  easy  on  the  triggers, 
and  carried  one  hundred  and  eighty  to  the  pound — only  five 
more  than  mine  which  carried  one  hundred  and  seventy-five. 

Auditors  and  spectators  now  formed  the  double  lines,  stand- 
ing, stooping,  and  lying  in  very  picturesque  attitudes ;  some 
fifteen  feet  each  side  the  range  of  the  firing,  and  that  away  down 
towards  the  target-tree ;  behind  which  several  chaps,  as  usual, 
planted  themselves  to  announce,  at  each  crack,  the  result  of  the 
shot.  All  this  seems  perilous ;  and  yet  accidents  rarely  happen. 
In  all  my  sojourn  in  the  Purchase  we  had  but  two.  The  first 
happened  to  a  fine  young  fellow,  who  impatient  at  some  delay, 
peeped  out,  it  is  supposed,  to  ascertain  the  cause,  when  at  the 
instant  the  rifle  was  fired,  and  its  ball  glancing,  entered  his 
head,  and  he  fell  dead.  The  next  happened  to  an  elderly  man, 
who  was  stationed  behind  a  large  tree,  awaiting  the  report,  and 
who,  at  the  flash  of  the  gun,  fell  from  behind,  with  one  piercing 
cry  of  agony,  bleeding  and  dying :— the  trunk  was  hollow,  and 
in  and  opposite  the  place  where  our  neighbour  stood  in  appa- 
rent safety,  was  a  mere  shell,  through  which  the  ball  had  gone 
and  entered  his  heart ! 

Well,  the  firing  at  length  began.  I  have  no  distinct  recollec- 
tion of  every  shot.  Now  and  then,  a  central  ball  was  an- 
nounced, and  that  followed  by  two  others  a  full  inch,  or  may 
be  an  inch  and  an  eighth  even,  from  the  centre;  and  once, 
where  two  successive  balls  were  within  the  diamond,  the  third, 
by  some  mischance,  struck  on  the  very  edge  of  the  grand  circle. 
Balls,  too,  were  sometimes  planted  in  three  different  corners  of 


108  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

the  paper — very  good  separate  shots — yet  proving  want  of 
steady  and  artistical  sighting,  or  even  a  little  experimenting 
with  the  edges  of  the  hind  sight ;  which  was  owing,  doubtless, 
to  drawing  the  bead  to  the  edge,  and  not  the  bottom. 

A  smart  young  fellow  having  made  two  very  fair  shots, 
boasted  so  grandly  about  his  new  rifle,  that  a  grave,  middle- 
aged  hunter  offered  to  bet  a  pound  of  lead,  that  if  the  young 
chap  would  allow  him,  after  the  gun  was  rested  for  the  shot,  to 
rub  his  hand  from  the  lock  to  the  muzzle,  he  would  so  bewitch 
the  rifle  that  she  should  miss  the  big  tree.  This  was  all  agreed 
to ;  and  then,  such  as  knew  how  to  bewitch  rifles  rapidly  re- 
treated to  our  rear,  and  such  as  did  not,  were  beckoned  and 
called  till  they  came.  All  ready,  the  young  man  on  the  ground, 
and  his  rifle  on  its  rest,  our  conjuror  ran  his  hand  slowly  along 
the  barrel,  pausing  an  instant  at  the  muzzle,  and  uttering  an  in- 
cantation, and  then  going  behind  the  marksman,  he  bade  him 
fire  when  he  liked.  This  he  did ;  and  marvellous  enough  it 
was — the  ball  not  only  missed  the  shingle,  but  struck  no  where 
in  the  tree  !  Great  was  the  astonishment  and  mortification  of 
the  youth ;  but  as  we  magnanimously  allowed  him  a  shot  extra 
and  without  witchcraft,  his  countenance  brightened,  and  espe- 
cially when  his  ball  now  spoiled  the  inner  edge  of  his  diamond. 

Perhaps  you  are  curious,  and  wish  to  learn  how  to  bewitch  a 
rifle  1  I  will  tell  on  one  condition  : — all  the  spectators  when  a 
rifle  is  bewitched  must  be  made  to  come  to  the  rear  of  the  firing 
party.  Here  is  the  recipe :  let  the1  rifle-doctor  conceal  in  his 
hand  a  bullet  small  enough  for  the  purpose,  and  on  rubbing  as 
far  as  the  muzzle,  let  him  adroitly  as  possible  deposit  said  bullet 
just  within  the  said  muzzle — safely  betting  any  number  of  pounds 
of  lead,  that  whatever  else  the  marksman  may  hit,  he  cannot 
hit  his  shingle.  N.  B.  See  that  the  rifle  to  be  bewitched  has  no 
triggers  set,  and  is  not  on  cock  ;  otherwise  two  tartars  of  a  very 
unpleasant  character  may  be  caught  by  the  rifle-doctor. 

One  man  only  took  to  his  stomach — the  technical  term  was  to 
fire  on  his — hem  ! — but  as-  his  long-rest  turned  a  little  at  the  third 
shot,  the  unerring  bullet,  following  the  guidance  of  the  barrel, 
stuck  itself  plump  outside  the  circumference  named,  and  thus 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  109 

nullifying  one  true  central  ball,  and  one  in  the  lower  interior 
point  or  angle  of  his  diamond.  Another  man  was  still  more 
unfortunate.  After  two  most  excellent  shots,  his  gun  hanging 
fire  at  the  third,  he  bawled  out,  "  No  shot !"  which  being  a  noti- 
fication before  the  shot  could  be  examined  and  reported,  entitled 
him  to  another  trial ;  but  alas !  the  ball  thus  tabooed  had 
grazed  the  centre !  Again  his  gun  hung  fire  ;  but  now  he  did 
not  veto ;  and  his  bullet  was  found  sticking  in  the  tree  an 
honest  foot  above  the  top  of  his  shingle  ! 

And  now  we,  who  fired  off-hand,  and  thereby  professed  to  be 
"  crack"  shots — yet  most  marksmen  make  a  noise  there — we 
began  to  make  ready.  We  higgled  a  little  as  to  who  should 
lead  off;  not  to  show  politeness  as  well  bred  folks  in  entering 
rooms  and  carriages,  but  because  all  were,  the  least  bit  how- 
ever, cowed,  and  each  wished  to  see  what  his  neighbour  could  do 
first.  When  that  kind  of  spirit  comes  crawling  over  a  body  in 
rifle-shooting,  it  must  be  banished  in  an  instant.  The  effect  in 
oratory  may  be  a  very  good  speech — unless  you  stump — but  in 
our  art,  it  is  always  a  very  bad  shot.  Our  noble  art  demands 
calmness  and  the  most  imperturbable  self-possession  ;  and  that, 
at  the  beginning,  the  middle,  the  ending  of  the  exercises.  And 
so  I  said  : — 

"  Well,  gentlemen,  if  you  want  to  see  where  to  plant  your 
balls,  I'm  the  one,  I  think,  to  show  you" — 

"Why  no,  stranger" — replied  the  old  Achates — "I  allow 
that  aint  fair  nither,  to  let  you  lead  off.  We're  all  neighbour- 
like  here,  and  'tis  only  right  you  should  see  what  we  kin  do  fust. 
I  sort  a  suppose  maybe  it  will  save  you  the  trouble  of  shootin 
anyhow.  So  come,  long  Jake,  crack  away  and  I'll  foller — and 
arter,  you,  stranger,  may  shoot  or  not  jist  as  you  like  best." 

"  Agreed,  grandaddie,"  responded  Long  Jake,  "  so  here  goes." 
And  then  Jake,  after  returning  from  the  old  beech,  where  he 
had  put  up  his  target,  took  his  rifle,  left  a  moment  leaning 
against  a  tree,  and  with  firmness  and  grace  stepped  on  the  line. 
Two  things  and  only  two  gave  me  hopes,  viz  :  he  shut  his  left 
eye  and  held  on  the  diamond  without  rising  or  falling  perpendi- 
cularly to  it :  but  then  he  held  that  rifle  as  if  it  were  the  true 


110  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

horizon — and  then — click — snap — but  no  report.  Lucky  snap 
for  me  !*  I  knew  it  must  have  been  a  central  ball ;  but  still 
better  for  me — Jake  was  embarrassed  a  little.  Shaking  out  the 
damp  powder  he  primed  afresh,  and  again  began  his  aim. 
Now,  however,  a  very  slight  vibration  seemed  to  glimmer  on 
his  barrel,  and  when  he  did  fire,  I  was  not  disappointed  nor 
greatly  displeased  at  the  cry  from  the  fellows  that  leaped  from 
behind  the  target  tree — "rite  hand  corner,  grazin  the  dimind  !" 
Again  Jake  loaded,  raised  his  piece,  and  fired  at  first  sight,  and 
the  cry  now  came — "  centre !"  This  increased  my  neighbour's 
confidence,  and  happily  lessened  his  carefulness ;  for  sighting,  as 
he  himself  afterwards  confessed,  "  a  leetle  bit  coarseish  like," 
the  cry  now  was — "line  shot,  scant  quarter  'love  centre  !" 

"  Come,  grandaddie,"  said  Jake  to  the  old  gentleman  as  he 
walked  up  to  the  line  from  adjusting  his  shingle,  "  you  must  do 
a  little  better  nor  that,  or  maybe  we'll  lose  our  stingo,  for  I 
know  by  the  way  this  stranger  here  handles  my  rifle,  he's  nate- 
rally  a  hard  chap  to  beat!" 

This  speech  was  occasioned  by  my  handling  the  gun,  taking 
aim,  setting  triggers,  etc.,  in  order  to  get  better  acquainted  with 
the  piece ;  and  which  experiments  resulted  in  a  secret  and 
hearty  wish  for  my  own  gun. 

"  Well,  Jake,  I  allow  yours  kin  be  beat  a  bit,"  replied  our 
veteran  taking  his  position  on  the  line.  At  a  glance  towards 
his  "  toot  en  sembell,"  Mr.  Carlton,  too,  allowed  he  had  met  his 
match — and,  perhaps  even  with  his  own  gun.  How  grand  the 
calmness — as  if  in  no  battle  !  How  alive  muscle  and  feature — 
as  if  in  the  midst  of  enemies !  There  he  is  dropping  his  bead 
— ay,  his  eyes  both  wide  awake,  and  he  raises  the  piece  till  that 
bead  dims  on  the  lower  point  of  his  diamond — a  flash — and 
from  the  tree — "  centre !"  He  was  soon  again  ready,  and  at 
his  second  flash,  came  the  cry — "  upper  edge,  fust  hole  !" — and 
that  cry  was  answered  along  the  gradually  narrowing  and 


*  I  am  sorry  to  say  it,  but  nobody  in  rifle-shooting  is  an  Emmonile,  o»  even  a  Hop- 
kinsian;  he  wishes  his  neighbour  to  make  good  shots — but  not  too  good.  And  where 
perfect  first-rate  marksmen  contend,  an  accident  only  can  give  any  of  them  the  victory. 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  Ill 

croM'ded  lines,  by  the  whole  company — "  hurraw  for  grandaddie 
— hurra\\  aw  !"  His  third  shot,  brought  from  the  tree — "  lee- 
e-tle  tor'ds  rite  corner  of  dimind — jeest  grazed  centre  !"  and 
was  answered  by — "  grandaddie  for  ever,  hurraw-aw-aw  !" 

"Carlton,"  maliciously  whispered  Glenville,  "  the  stingo  is  safe 
— anti-temperance  beats !" 

I  felt  honour  demanded,  however,  a  trial ;  and  so  requesting 
Glenville  to  fix  as  I  should  direct  my  target,  I  stood  on  the  line 
of  firing,  sighting  several  times  with  open  pan  and  no  priming  ; 
until  the  mark  exactly  suited,  when  I  cried  out — "  stand  clear  !" 
And  now,  supposing  Jake's  rifle  sighted  like  my  own,  and 
threw  its  ball  a  little  above  its  bead — as  indeed  is  best — I  drew 
up  as  usual,  with  rapidity,  and  let  fly  just  as  the  bead  caught 
the  lower  tip  of  my  diamond,  the  report  instantly  returned, 
being — "  inside  lower  pint  of  dimind,  scant  quarter,  b'low 
centre !" 

"  Blame  close,  stranger,"  said  the  old  hero,  "  but  I  allow 
you'll  have  to  mend  it  to  beat  me." 

"  Praise  from  you,  my  old  friend,  is  worth  something — I'll 
try  my  best  to  satisfy  you." 

Jake's  rifle  was  now  understood  :  she  sent  balls  exactly 
where  she  aimed,  and  not  as  mine,  and  most  good  rifles,  an 
eighth  of  an  inch  above.  Making,  therefore,  my  front  sight  a 
hair  thicker  and  fuller  in  the  hind  sight,  and  coming  full  on  the 
lower  angle  of  my  diamond — "  Centre  !" — was  echoed  from 
the  tree  and  along  the  lines — "  hurraw-aw  !  for  the  stranger  !" 

"  You're  most  powerful  good  at  it,"  said  the  old  gentleman, 
"  but  my  line's  a  leetle  the  shortest  yet." 

"  Well,  my  good  old  friend,  here  goes  to  make  yours  a  little 
the  longest" — and  away,  along  between  the  unflinching  lines  of 
excited  spectators,  whistled  my  third  and  last  ball,  bringing 
back  the  cry — "  lee-e-tle  b'low  the  centre — broke  in  first  hole !" 
But,  while  all  rushed  to  the  examination  and  measurements, 
confined  to  our  two  shingles,  no  exultation  burst  forth,  it  being 
doubtful,  or,  as  the  hunters  said,  "  a  sort  of  dubus  whether  the 
stingo  was  grandaddie's,  or  the  stranger's."  In  a  few  moments, 
however,  and  by  the  most  honourable  and  exact  measurements, 


112  THE     NEW    PURCHASE. 

it  was  decided  that  the  old  Achates  had  "  the  shortest  string  by 
near  about  half  the  brenth  of  his  bullit !"  And  then  such  up- 
roar rose  of  mingled  hurraws — screams; — shrieks — yells — and 
outcries  !  an  uproar  none  but  true  honest-hearted  far  westers, 
unadulterated  by  foreign  or  domestic  scum,  ever  did  or  can 
make. 

The  hurricane  over,  the  victor  mounting  a  log  made  the  fol- 
lowing speech : 

"  Well,  naburs,  it's  my  sentimental  opinyin  this  stranger's 
acted  up,  clean  up,  to  the  notch,  and  is  most  powerful  clever. 
And  I  think  if  he  'd  a  fired  his  own  gun  as  how  he  m ought  a 
come  out  even,  and  made  up  the  leetle  matter  of  diff'runce 
atween  us — and  that  would  be  near  about  shootin  a  little  bit  the 
closest  of  any  other  chap,  young  or  old,  in  these  'are  diggins — 
and  so,  says  I,  let's  have  three  cheers  for  the  stranger,  and  three 
more  for  his  friend." 

Oh  !  dear  reader  !  could  you  have  heard  the  old,  dark  woods 
ring  then  ! — I  struggled  hard,  you  may  be  sure ;  but  what  was 
the  use,  the  tears  would  come  ! 

We  both  made  replies  to  the  compliment ;  and  in  concluding, 
— for  I  mounted  the  log  last — I  touched  on  the  wish  we  really 
had  to  do  good,  and  that  nothing  was  better  for  hardy,  brave, 
and  noble  woodsmen,  than  temperance. 

"  Well,  strangers,  both  on  you,"  replied  that  very  grand  old 
man,  "you  shan't  be  disapinted.  You  depended  on  our  honour 
— and  so,  says  I,  if  these  fare  naburs  here  aint  no  objection,  let 
them  that  want  to,  first  take  a  suck  of  stingo  for  a  treat,  and 
then,  says  I,  let's  all  load  up  and  crack  away  at  the  cask,  and  I'll 
have  fust  shot." 

"  Agreed !  agreed !  hurraw  for  grandaddie  Tomsin  ! — hurraw 
for  the  strangers  ! — hurraw  for  the  temperance  society  ! — load 
up,  boys,  load  up  ! — nobody  wants  a  suck — crack  away,  gran- 
daddie— crack  away,  we're  all  ready !"  And  crack  went  old 
Brave's  rifle — crack,  long  Jake's — crack  the  brave  Gyas,  and 
the  brave  Cloanthus — and  crack  every  rifle  in  the  company : 
and  there  rolled  the  wounded  half-barrel,  pouring  its  own  death- 
dealing  contents  through  its  perforated  heads  and  sides,  till 


THE     NEW    PURCHASE.  113 

soon  the  stingo  was  all  absorbed  in  the  moist  earth  of  the 
forest. 

GJenville  and  I  now  "gathered  hossis  and  put  out,"  highly 
pleased  with  the  events :  and  a  few  weeks  after  we  were  still 
more  pleased,  at  hearing  that  all  the  company  at  the  prize- 
shooting  that  day  had  become  members  of  the  temperance 
society.  If,  therefore,  any  old-fashioned  temperance  society 
wishes  champions  to  shoot,  provided  "grandaddie  Tomsin"  will 
be  one,  I  know  where  can  be  found  another. 


CHAPTER   XVIII. 

"Thou  shalt  not  muzzle  the  ox  when  he  treadeth  out  the  corn." — (Obsolete — sinco 
the  use  of  patent  threshing  machines.) 

FROM  the  time  of  our  arrival  we  commenced  forming  ac- 
quaintance with  our  neighbours.  And  this  business  was  pro- 
moted by  the  many  "  little  and  big  meetings"  held  by  Mr. 
Hilsbury  ;  for  everybody — man,  woman  and  child — was  found 
at  meeting.  Nor  does  it  interfere  with  attendance,  if  it  be  rainy 
or  shiney,  or  mighty  cloudy,  or  powerful  skyey;  but  in  all 
weathers  and  seasons,  and  from  all  quarters  of  the  woods,  along 
roads,  traces,  paths,  or  short  cuts,  come  horses  to  the  preaching ; 
bursting,  at  a  gallop,  into  view,  through  underwood  thickets  of 
spicewood  and  papaw,  or  clearing  log  after  log,  in  a  kind  of  hop, 
skip  and  jump  gait.  Many  horses  have  two  riders,  called  in 
the  Purchase  "  riding  twice."  And  some  horses  come  with 
folks  riding  even  twice  and  a  half,  or  may  be  thrice :  for  in- 
stance, with  a  man  and  his  wife — the  latter  holding  in  her  lap  a 
two-year  old  child,  although  the  child  is  very  often  carried  by 
the  father ;  or  with  three  girls ;  or  with  one  beau,  having  two 
sun-bonnetted  damsels  behind.  Dick  always  figured  on  such 
occasions  with  a  cargo  on  his  back  that  doubtless  made  a  lively 
impression  on  his  feelings  of  past  times,  and  of  the  loads  he  had 
in  his  earlier  days  seen  crammed  into  a  Conestoga  wagon :  and 


114  THE     NEW    PURCHASE. 

never,  in  fact,  did  he  look  so  like  a  family  horse  as  on  Sundays; 
when  he  usually  carried  so  much  of  our  family  on  his  back. 

In  fording  swollen  waters,  if  the  water  came  up  no  higher 
than  the  saddle  skirts,  and  if  depending  articles  could  be  crooked 
up  or  neatly  packed  on  the  mane,  in  plunged  all,  whether  riding 
once,  twice,  or  morefold :  nay,  it  was  contended  that  the  more 
riders  the  better ;  the  heavier  weight  preventing  the  horse  from 
being  floated  or  losing  his  foothold  in  a  strong  current.  But 
if  it  was  certain  that  the  creek  was  "  swimming  high,"  then  the 
riders  crossed  on  a  log,  the  horse  swimming  with  bridle  held  by 
the  rider. 

Arrived  at  a  meeting,  "  the  critters"  are  hung  to  a  swinging 
branch  of  some  tree ;  for  such,  yielding  to  the  inquietude  of  the 
horses,  prevents  the  snapping  of  reins,  and  yet  affords  ample 
space  for  the  curvilinear  play  of  the  quarters.  Nor  are  the 
horses  at  all  backward  in  using  their  ecclesiastical  privileges ; 
especially  if  we  are  favoured  with  "  a  powerful  smart  preacher," 
that  is,  a  fellow  with  a  very  glib  tongue,  who  preaches  by  inspi- 
ration, and  has  the  wonderful  power  of  saying  nothing,  or  some- 
thing worse,  over  and  over  again,  for  hours.  Then  the  hung 
animals,  impatient,  begin  and  carry  on  extra  dancings,  rump- 
rangings,  branch-shakings,  and  other  exercises.  They  champ 
bits ! — snap  their  teeth  at  neighbouring  horses  ! — kick,  as  quad- 
rupeds should,  in  quadruple  time ! — and  stamp,  squeak,  and 
squeal !  In  fact,  they  make  as  much  noise  and  behave  as  fool- 
ishly as  if  they  held  &  fanatical  meeting  themselves  ! 

Often  too,  among  the  horses,  are  a  few  knowing  old  codgers 
— and  Dick,  I  am  sorry  to  say,  cultivated  their  acquaintance — 
who  have  slipped  their  own  bridles,  and  are  misspending  the 
time  in  eating  off  the  bridle  reins  of  quiet  animals,  or  in  kick- 
ing and  biting,  with  most  provoking  sang-froid,  fastened  horses, 
already  furious  and  indignant.  Most  horses  when  liberated 
usually  start  home  at  full  speed,  inconsiderately  leaving  folks 
that  rode  once  or  twice  to  meeting,  to  walk  away  in  single  or 
double  file,  or  to  get  a  lift  from  a  neighbour.  Dick,  however, 
never  ran  home :  he  preferred,  like  lukewarm  Christians,  Sun- 
day visiting ;  and  so  went  to  see  his  neighbours  in  settlements 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  115 

directly  opposite  the  way  to  Glenville.  Yet  I  must  say  he 
never  made  the  least  objection  to  be  caught  and  bridled  again — 
provided  you  could  find  him. 

Let  none  understand  me  to  say  that  religious  meetings  in  the 
wooden  world  are  not  by  very  many  attended  from  serious  and 
devout  motives:  yet  there,  as  elsewhere,  many  attend  such 
meetings  from  secular  motives,  and  some  from  very  improper 
ones.  Numbers  go  to  see  their  neighbours  or  to  hear  the  news, 
and  not  a  few  to  electioneer.  A  very  frequent  cause  is  to 
"advertise  strays." 

Dignity  is  given  to  our  pulpit  gazetteering  by  confining  the 
business  to  the  clergy ;  but  in  the  Purchase,  lay  members,  and 
even  "  a  worldling  "  give  out  notices :  and  that,  not  by  reading 
the  advertisement  in  the  reverential  manner  of  the  civilized 
churches,  but  extemporaneously  and  orally.  Sometimes  the 
affair  assumes  the  form  of  the  question  implied,  as  thus  : — 

"  Neighbour  Bushwhack,  living  down  the  lower  end  of  Sugar 
Holler,  would  like  to  hear  if  any  body  in  this  here  settlement 
has  heern  or  seed  a  stray  critter  of  hissin,  as  his  hoss-beast,  a 
three  year  old  black  geldin,  come  next  spring,  with  a  switch 
tail,  but  a  kind  a  eat  off  by  his  other  colt,  slipt  his  bridle  on 
Hick'ry  Ridge  last  big  meetin,  and  he  aint  heern  or  seen  nothin 
of  him  sense." 

To  which  indirect  query  one  or  more  neighbours  rising  up 
will  answer  in  this  style  : — 

"  Well,  I  allow  the  critter  didn't  come  over  here,  as  he'd 
been  heern  on  or  seed  by  some  of  us — but  if  any  body  hears  or 
sees  sich  a  stray,  we'll  put  him  up,  and  let  neighbour  Bush- 
whack know  of  it." 

Perhaps  a  notice  thus  given  and  answered  in  a  city  church 
would  do  as  much  to  discountenance  Sabbath  advertising,  as  the 
rebukes  of  the  religious  press.  Try  it. 

A  big  meeting  is  often  held  in  the  woods  in  our  delicious 
autumns.  And  nothing  is  more  welcome  to  our  young  people 
hard  at  work  till  then,  and  needing  a  holiday,  than  such  a 
gathering.  Then  is  the  grand  sparking  time,  and  young  men 
go  expressly  as  they  say,  to  find  "  a  most  powerful  heap  of 


116  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

gals!"  Nor  is  this  curious  heap  of  sun-bonnets  and  calico 
frocks  adverse  to  a  little  extra  attention ;  and  hence,  compound 
parties  steal  away  at  intervals  to  the  springs,  where  they  con- 
trive accidentally  to  have  a  little  meeting  of  their  own,  whose 
merry  and  loud  notes  return  as  strange  echoes  to  the  voice  of 
psalmody  and  prayer. 

A  small  meeting  extra,  is  often  held  at  night  in  a  friend's 
cabin.  Then  it  sometimes  happens,  by  reason  of  a  storm  or 
very  long  sermon,  or  both,  that  the  folks  conclude  to  stay  all 
night ;  and  then  if  the  author's  memory  is  faithful,  we  used  to 
see  what  was  called  "  a  leetle  fun."  Nothing  immoral  or  gross 
ever  takes  place ;  but  certainly  we  had  something  more  lively 
than  praying  and  singing. 

The  occasion  offers  to  say  a  few  words  about  the  missionaries 
themselves. 

As  a  body,  then,  the  missionaries  in  the  New  Purchase  were 
very  excellent  men ;  eminent  in  self-denial,  in  ardent  zeal,  in 
endless  labours,  in  disinterestedness.  They  were  considered 
Domestic  Missionaries ;  but  they  endured  as  much  as  their 
brethren  in  the  foreign  field,  and  that  without  the  incidental 
excitement  and  support  derived  from  the  eclat  of  a  mission : 
especially  when  the  wood's  preacher  comes  to  depend  for  his 
entire  sustenance  on  two  or  more  weak  settlements,  the  aid 
of  the  missionary  society  being  declined  or  withdrawn.  For  a 
year  or  two  an  approximate  salary  may  be  paid,  a  few  shillings 
in  cash  and  the  balance  in  "  trade."  Still,  educated  men  need 
a  few  other  articles  beyond  pork,  corn,  tow-linen,  leather,  etc. — 
a  few  books  for  instance.  And  they  are  forced  to  go  journeys, 
and  wish  to  educate  their  children.  Nor  is  it,  maybe,  an  un- 
pardonable sin  to  aspire  after  furniture  one  degree  above  rough 
cabin  apparatus.  Hence  the  missionary  must  have  a  little  hard 
cash ;  and  hard  enough  for  them,  poor  fellows,  it  is  by  the  time 
they  handle  it. 

The  outposts,  therefore,  must  be  either  wholly  abandoned  to 
profoundly  ignorant,  vain,  empty,  conceited,  self-confident,  and 
snarling  fanatical  preachers ;  or  proper  preachers  must  do  some 
things  that  are  secular.  And  if  the  New  Purchases  are  aban- 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  117 

doned,  then  must  they  be  cursed  out  there  with  inspired  clergy, 
such  as  are  heard  thus  reciting  their  apostolic  creed  : — 

"Yes,  bless  the  Lord,  I  are  a  poor,  humble  man — and  I 
doesn't  know  a  single  letter  in  the  A  B  C's,  and  couldn't  read  a 
chapter  in  the  Bible  no  how  you  could  fix  it,  bless  the  Lord  ! — 
I  jist  preach  like  old  Peter  and  Poll,  by  the  Sperit.  Yes,  we 
don't  ax  pay  in  cash  nor  trade  nither  for  the  Gospel,  and  arn't 
no  hirelins  like  them  high-flow'd  college-larned  sheepskins — but 
as  the  Lord  freely  give  us,  we  freely  give  our  fellow  critturs." 

Hence  a  few  of  the  true  preachers  betake  themselves  to 
teaching  as  the  least  uncanonical  avocation.  And  all  would 
gladly  do  this,  if  scholars  were  plenty  enough ;  and,  if  after  all 
the  extra  labour  in  teaching,  pay  came  not  also  in  the  shape  of 
fat-flitch,  cord-wood,  eggs,  and  butter.  Most  true  preachers 
and  pastors  are,  therefore,  compelled  to  enter  some  land ;  and 
then  after  long  and  arduous  toils  they  contrive  to  barter  some 
produce  at  the  settlement  store  for  sugar,  tea,  coffee,  and  paper. 
But  to  jingle  a  few  silver  dollars,  the  parson  must  sell  a  cow,  or 
calf,  or  even  a  horse ! 

The  proverb,  "half  a  loaf  better  than  no  bread,"  applies 
here ;  for  if  proper  ministers  out  West  do  not,  in  very  many 
places,  in  a  great  measure  maintain  themselves,  settlements 
now  half-served  by  those  noble  men  would  not  and  could  not 
be  served  at  all.  True,  the  folks  out  there  might  have  husks 
from  fanatical  fellows ;  but  Christ's  sheep  ought  to  have  pastors 
and  proper  food — they  are  not  hogs  to  be  fed  by  the  Devil's 
swine-herds. 

Very  nice  and  classic  essays  used  to  find  their  way  sometimes 
to  Glenville,  which  were  full  of  very  proper  rhetorical  words 
against  secular  clergy,  and  commanding  them  to  reform  and 
give  themselves  wholly  to  the  work  of  God  and  the  ministry  : 
essays  no  doubt  well  intended,  but  written,  we  apprehend,  by 
inexperienced  young  gentlemen,  just  married,  and  seated  in  the 
parsonage  in  the  midst  of  a  well-furnished  library.  Sometimes, 
too,  such  essays  were  penned  by  learned  gentlemen,  with  sons 
and  daughters  at  good  boarding  schools ;  and  the  writers, 
maybe,  received  so  much  hard  silver  per  page,  especially  if  a 


118  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

prize  essay ;  and  our  far  east  censors  not  only  had  the  pleasure 
of  pelting  our  poor  frogs,  but  found  it  profitable  too.  In  such 
essays  the  Proton  Pseudos  was,  "  all  pastors  and  preachers  must 
give  up  secular  employments — their  schools — their  farms — 
their  merchandise — their  trades — and  imitate  the  apostles,"  etc. 
In  extraordinary  times  men  are  sustained  by  the  providence  of 
God  in  extraordinary  ways ;  and  purse,  scrip,  and  books  in  the 
apostles'  time  were  not  needed ;  and  few  then  had  the  care  and 
expense  of  a  family,  except  Pope  Peter ! — and  he,  unlike  some 
Unhol  in  esses,  was  wicked  enough  to  prefer  a  wife  to — hem ! 

And  even  in  those  days  Paul,  whilst  aiding  to  erect  a  spiritual 
tabernacle,  supported  himself  at  secular  tent-making!  It  is  not 
improbable  that  Luke,  the  beloved  and  benevolent  physician, 
prescribed  and  took  fees  in  emergencies.  May,  then,  modern 
ministers  in  no  cases  do  secular  things,  without  being  subjected 
to  unkind  suspicions,  and  not  rarely  denounced  as  merchants, 
farmers,  speculators,  and  even  jockies  1  Nay,  many  thus  stig- 
matized are  among  the  best  of  men ;  and  that,  however  warned 
by  hasty  young  clerks  and  clergy,  to  look  out  for  the  doom  of 
unfaithful  stewards  !  and  bid  to  expect,  after  a  life  of  toil  for 
the  gospel,  and  after  bestowing  the  spiritual  without  reaping  the 
carnal,  bid  to  look  out  for  banishment  into  the  outer  darkness  ! 
Ah !  ye  hasty  censors !  God  will  never  forget  labours  of  love 
in  that  far  West  or  elsewhere ;  even  if  a  preacher,  to  put  bread 
into  the  mouths,  and  garments  on  the  bodies  of  his  family,  do 
work  secularly  with  his  own  hands ! 

Why  this  perpetual  cannonade  against  the  Clergy  ?  Does  it 
never  occur,  that  the  niggardly  Mr.  Miser,  the  close-fisted  Mr. 
Grip,  the  narrow-minded  Miss  Snarl,  and  the  dishonest  Mr.  and 
Mrs.  Finepromise,  may,  at  the  grand  assize,  have  to  appear  as 
defendants,  and  show  cause  why  the  preacher  was  driven  to  be 
secular  1  Strange !  passing  strange,  if  a  hunted,  defrauded, 
broken-spirited  man,  who,  because  he  wishes  yet  to  preach, 
maintains  himself,  should,  in  addition  to  all  his  sufferings,  be 
decried  and  rebuked  as  faithless  and  money-loving ! — as  need- 
ing reform  ! — as  passing  to  a  severe  doom  and  vengeance  in  the 
life  to 'come !  Oh !  you  that,  in  one  sense  at  least,  are  "  at  ease 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  119 

in  Zjon,"  and  have,  therefore,  so  much  time  to  buffet,  go  visit  a 
New  Purchase  ! — and  then  write — 

"  Mr.  Carlton  ! — keep  cool." 

Well,  then,  meetings  in  the  Purchase  were  not  always  dry 
affairs.  This  very  autumn,  a  two  days'  meeting  was  held  on 
Saturday  and  Sunday  in  the  Welden  settlement.  At  the  close 
of  the  first  day,  while  Glenville  and  Carlton  were  "  setting  the 
toone  for  them,"  a  heavy  shower  began  suddenly  to  fall ;  and 
as  we  clerks  could  not  get  out  to  secure  our  saddles,  they  be- 
came well  soaked,  hence  after  service  we  found  seats  cool  and 
refreshing  as  a  wet  sponge.  We  had  been  invited  to  spend  the 
night  at  a  chieftain's:  and  as  we  were  without  umbrellas 
or  cloaks,  and  the  rain  kept  mizzling  away,  we  had  a  very 
agreeable  ride  of  it.  However,  we  were  neither  salt  nor  su- 
gar ;  and  we  comforted  one  another  with  mutual  promises 
of  a  dry  house  and  a  drying  fire.  But — ah  !  me ! — our  dear 
good  landlady,  and  expressly  to  honour  her  guests,  had  deter- 
mined to  have  "  things  fixed !" — and  a  wet  fix  it  was.  First 
and  foremost,  the  puncheon-floor  had  undergone  a  deluge,  ef- 
fected by  pouring  over  it  forty  great  calabashes  of  water,  or  one 
great  calabash  forty  times  emptied  !  Then  the  floor  had  been 
violently  assaulted  with  stiff  hickory  brooms,  till  its  dirt  was 
raked,  and  floated  away  to  form  an  alluvion  in  the  cellar  below; 
but  much  of  the  flood  having  eluded  the  swabbing  process  that 
followed,  there  remained  many  Lilliputian  lakes  of  muddy 
water  in  the  cavities  and  gulleys  of  the  puncheons.  Secondarily, 
chairs,  tables,  benches,  and  even  bedsteads,  had  undergone 
Pharisaical  ablutions :  and  although  things  did  dry  in  process  of 
time,  yet,  as  the  good  woman  remarked,  "  Things  were  a  leetle 
dampish,  to  be  sure !"  Indeed,  chairs  and  benches  on  which 
persons  of  a  sanguine  temperament  sat,  exhibited,  on  their  ris- 
ing, a  Mosaic  of  dark  and  light  shades.  Thirdly,  when  we 
washed,  before  supper  and  dinner  in  one,  we  were  offered  a  wet 
towel  to  dry  on !  the  lady  apologizing  for  the  anomaly,  by  say- 
ing, "  Thar'd  been  sich  a  rite  down  smart  chance  of  rain  that 
their  wash  wouldn't  dry."  Of  course  this  apology  accounted 
for  the  undried  table-cloth  at  the  meal ;  where,  by  the  way,  wo 


120  THE     NEW      PURCHASE. 

recognized,  in  the  midst  of  other  good  things,  and  full  of  milk, 
the  republican  bowl  that  a  few  moments  before  had  enacted  the 
part  of  wash-basin.  In  anticipation  of  its  complex,  and  yet  desul- 
tory character,  we  of  Glenville,  instead  of  dipping,  at  the  time, 
our  hands  into  the  bowl,  had  poured  from  it  the  water  over  the 
hands.  All  the  guests,  we  must  say,  were  not  so  considerate. 

By  bed-time  affairs  had  become  dryish.  Still  much  vapour 
hung  in  our  atmosphere ;  and  towards  the  arctic  regions  of  the 
cabin,  matters  were  puddly.  However,  ten  of  the  company 
were  accommodated  in  the  beds,  and  as  many  others — indeed, 
I  do  not  know  where  :  yet  we  all  retired ;  when  a  spirited  and 
general  confabulation  was  maintained  till  most  of  the  trebles, 
tenors,  and  basses  grew,  some  flat,  and  others  muttering,  and 
there  was  a  subsidence  into  a  colloquy  between  two.  At  last, 
one  of  these  returning  a  mumbling  kind  of  response,  Mr. 
Holdon,  despairing  to  extract  any  more  talk,  cried  out,  "  Well, 
good-night !"  which  signal  was  followed  by  a  farewell  crackling 
of  bedsteads,  and  an  audible  rustling  of  "  kivers  ;"  and  then  all 
lately  so  active  and  chatty,  was  turned  into  sleeping  and  snor- 
ing. Bah  ! — tell  me  not  about  the  sleep  of  innocence !  nothing 
comes  up  to  the  sleep  of  a  backwoodsman ;  and  as  to  his  snor- 
ing, beat  it  if  you  can  \  *  *  *  *  * 

Well,  /  dreamed  a  dream.  Methought  old  Dick  was  har- 
nessed to  our  bedstead,  and  was  pulling  us  through  showery 
bushes  and  nettles,  and  that  I  had  the  tooth-ache ;  and  so  un— 
comfortable  all  seemed  that  I  determined,  as  is  the  case  in  some 
dreams,  to  wake  myself.  Happy  resolution !  for  whilst  Dick 
had  vanished,  and  we  were  safe  enough  in  the  cabin,  yet  the  in- 
terpretation of  the  dream  was  present : — a  gentle  stream  was 
trickling  from  above,  through  a  hole  in  the  clapboard  roof,  the 
jeau  d' esprit  having  already  saturated  my  rag-pillow,  and  more 
than  a  foot  of  the  adjoining  covers ! — and,  what  was  very  re- 
markable ! — I  had  the  tooth-ache  ! 

"Indeed!" 

Yes !  indeed.  I  whipped  out  of  bed ;  quietly  worked  the 
bedstead  from  under  the  unelectric  water  spout ;  doubled  my 
end  of  the  bolster  in  place  of  the  pillow  removed ;  got  once 


THE     NEW    PURCHASE.  121 

more  into  bed,  and  began  to  lull  the  grumbling  tooth  by  hold 
ing  my  mouth  shut  and  breathing  through  the  nose,  and  occa- 
sionally counting  slowly  and  deliberately  as  high  as  a  hundred. 
And  in  this  laudable  work  I  had  at  last  succeeded,  and  was 
sinking  away  into  dryer  dreams,  when  I  was  suddenly  aroused 
to  my  last  and  severest  "  trial  by  water,"  by  a  rude  shake  from 
Glenville,  who  also  thus  addressed  me : — 

"  Carlton ! — are  you  going  to  sleep  all  day  ? — get  up  if  you 

don't  want  your  boots  full  of  water " 

"  My  boots  !— my  boots ! ! — man  alive  !  don't  let  them  get 
any  wetter — I  shall  never  get  them  on — never  !" 

"  Up,  then — or  Tom  Hilton  will  clean  yours  as  he  has  mine 
— -he'll  dip  them  in  the  rain-trough." 

Fortunately  all  were  up  and  out  but  myself — and  yet  it 
would  have  been  the  same  if  Queen  Victoria  had  been  there — 
my  boots  were  not  to  be  trifled  with,  even  when  dry ; — what ! 
if  provoked  by  such  a  ducking  1  I  thought,  therefore,  of  neither 
man,  woman,  nor  child — I  thought  only  of  my  boots — and  I 
leaped  out  of  bed  without  regard  to  the  ordinary  precautions — 
and  holding  up  and  buttoning  as  I  moved,  I  rushed  to  the  door ! 
and  in  the  very  nick  of  time  to  witness  the  catastrophe !  Yes  ! 
there  on  the  muddy  earth  stood,  sad  and  sullen,  boot  the  first, 
clean  and  soaked  as  a  scrubbed  puncheon ;  and  there  descended 

into  the  rain-trough  boot  the  second,  up  to  the  strap-stiches  ! 

"  Tom  !  Tom ! — why  didn't  you  let  my  boots  alone  ? — you've 
fixed  me  now — I  shan't  get  them  on  to-day  !" 

"  Well,  sir,  I  was  only  a  sort  a  cleanin'  them — they  was 
most  powerful  muddy  like — hope  no  harm  done,  Mr.  Carltin  ?" 
"  Well,  Torn;  thank  you ; — but  I  am  afraid  we  have  tight 
work  now — please  let's  have  the  articles,  any  how." 

And  our  fear,  reader,  was  not  unfounded.  Never,  since  the 
origin  of  boots,  and  the  abolition  of  sandals,  was  there  such  a 
tugging  at  straps  1  It  did  seem  as  if,  at  last,  the  grand  philo- 
sophical achievement  would  be  effected,  and  with  a  leetle  harder 
pull  we  should,  boots  and  all,  be  raised  clean  up  from  the 
puncheons  !  And  oh  !  what  soaping  of  heels ! — what  numerous 
and  contradictory  suggestions  and  advices  from  commisserating 
6 


122  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

and  laughing  friends  ! — tears  in  all  eyes  !  Oh  !  the  rubbing  of 
insteps  ! — the  contortions  of  the  os  sublime  / 

At  last  it  seemed  necessary  to  cut  the  articles,  as  all  ordinary 
and  extraordinary  attempts  to  move  them  up  or  down  had 
failed;  when,  at  the  crisis,  in  came  a  Goliah-like  woodsman, 
who,  understanding  the  fix,  declared  :  "  if  them  'are  straps 
thare  would  a  sort  a  hold,  he  allow'd  he'd  pull  on  Mr.  Carl  tin's 
boots."  We  agreed  to  a  new  trial.  Accordingly,  Mr.  Goliah 
placed  himself  behind  the  patient ;  and  then  working  two  fingers 
apiece  into  each  strap — all  he  could  get  in — he  did  pull  the 
boots  on,  sure  enough !  And  that  he  would  have  done  if  both 
of  Mr.  Carlton's  legs  had  been  in  the  same  boot,  instead  of  a 
leg  per  boot ! 

King  William  was  of  opinion  that  thumbkins  was  logic 
enough  to  make  him  confess  to  a  lie — what,  if  he  had  tried  the 
logic  of  my  boots !  If  the  iron  boot  is  any  more  forcible — T 
cannot  stand  it  at  all — I  should  scream  out  my  belief  in  the 
Pope  and  the  Devil,  or  any  other  dogma  of  the  particular 
catholic  church !  The  holy  church  will,  of  course,  canonize  a 
man  who  has  already  discovered  two  efficacious  ways  to  make 
Christians — our  bark-wheel — and  now  our  boots  ! 

Apropos  !  de  botte,  this  reminds  me  of  the  Kentuckian  saved 
from  the  massacre  at  the  Blue  Licks,  by  a  pair  of  wet  buckskin 
breeches.  He  was  pursued  by  two  Indians ;  and  on  reaching 
the  river,  was  forced  to  plunge  in  and  swim  over.  Emerging, 
he  soon  discovered  that  to  run  with  his  former  speed,  his  buck- 
skins must  be  left  for  booty  :  hence,  he  halted  an  instant  to  un- 
skin  himself,  whilst  his  nimble  foes  had  now  reached  the  oppo- 
site bank  of  the  stream.  But  now  the  wet  unmentionables, 
half-way  off,  became  obstinately  adhesive,  and  could  be  drawn 
neither  up  nor  down — and  the  enemy  coming  nearer  and 
nearer  

"  Poor  fellow  ! — what  a  dreadful  situation  !" 

Very ;  and  so  he  made  up  his  mind,  like  a  gallant  man,  to 
die — in  his  so  so's :  but,  to  his  amazement,  his  red  friends,  on 
arriving,  burst  into  loud  laughter,  and,  instead  of  knocking  him 
on  the  head,  they  only  spanked  on  the  antipodes  and  took  him 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  123 

prisoner ;  and  the  Kentuckian,  being  ransomed,  got  home  to  tell 
his  adventure. 

«  Yes — but,  Mr.  Carlton,  what  has  this  deliverance  to  do 
with  the  Pope  and  the  Devil  ?" 

Oh  !  nothing.  But  talking  of  one  thing,  you  know,  makes  us 
think  of  another ;  and  so  we  may  end  what  was  afterwards 
called  "  Carlton's  Wet  Time." 

During  the  present  summer  and  fall,  others  of  our  colony 
had  little  adventures.  For  instance,  John  Glenville,  in  moving 
a  piece  of  bark  to  throw  under  the  wheel,  was  bitten  in  the 
wrist  by  a  copper-head  coiled  under  the  bark  ;  but,  by  a  timely 
application  of  proper  remedies,  he  escaped  very  serious  injury. 
Uncle  Leatherstocking  also  carne  something  nearer  being  killed 
than  Sir  Roger's  ancestor,  that  had  a  narrow  escape  from  being 
slain  in  a  battle  by  arriving  on  the  field  the  very  day  after  the 
fight  :  for  our  uncle,  stooping  to  examine  a  fine  cabbage  in  his 
patch,  discovered  a  rattlesnake  ready  to  salute  him,  and  yet 
time  enough  to  leap  back  to  avoid  the  favour.  And  then  a 
young  woman  coming  from  Welden,  by  herself,  to  return  a  call 
due  to  Glenville  Settlement,  just  as  she  had  reached  the  out- 
skirts of  our  territory,  was  gratified  by  the  sight,  a  little  way 
from  her,  of  a  lady  panther,  affectionately  sporting  with  two 
rampant  pantherines — each  as  big  as  a  pair  of  domestic  toni- 

"  La  ! — and  did  she  not  scream  f 

Scream  ! — Miss  Peggy  Whatmore  scream  !  No,  no  !  to  use 
her  own  language,  she  only  "a  sort  a  skued  round  towards  <>le- 
inan  Ashmoresis — and  didn't  say  nuthin  to  them,  as  they  didn't 
seem  like  wantin'  to  say  nuthin  to  her — yet  it  was  a  leetle  skary 
as  they  was  powerful  nasty  lookin'  varmints." 

A  missionary,  also,  coming  to  fulfil  an  appointment  among 
us,  saw  in  the  edge  of  our  clearing  "  three  barr,"  there  being, 
in  western  phrase,  "  a  powerful  sprinkle"  of  such  shaggy  coats 
in  our  borough.  At  this  information,  all  our  domestic  and 
neighbourhood  forces  being  mustered,  we  succeeded  in  over- 
taking and  killing  the  growling  trio:  and  in  due  time,  the 
largest  skin,  properly  prepared  at  our  tannery,  was  presented 


124  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

to  the  missionary ;  who  ever  after,  till  the  day  of  his  death, 
used  it  as  a  saddle  cover. 

Perhaps  we  may  here  say,  that  at  night,  on  many  occasions, 
were  around  us  invisible  serenaders,  that  gave  exact  imitations 
of  wolves  howling,  foxes  barking,  and  owls  screaming,  hooting 
and  screeching,  with  interruptions  now  and  then  from  sudden 
cries  and  growls  so  strange  that  we  could  not  say  what  bird  or 
beast  precisely  was  designed  or  represented.  The  whole,  how- 
ever, riveted  the  conviction  that  we  were  no  longer  dreaming 
about  the  woods,  but  were  actually  living  there;  and,  to  be 
candid,  1  had  never  in  visions  seen  a  single  serpent,  and  could 
not  have  guessed  the  wild  beasts  would  turn  out  so  very  wild. 
But  to  all  things  I  got  used,  except  snakes. 

One  night  Mr.  and  Mrs.  C.  were  on  a  visit  at  Mr.  Hils- 
bury's;  and,  though  pressed  to  remain  till  morning,  and  warned 
of  the  danger  in  walking  in  the  dark  at  that  season  of  the  year, 
we  decided  on  returning  to  uncle  John's.  The  path  between 
the  cabins  was  only  a  few  inches  wide,  and  running  through 
high  grass  and  tall  weeds,  was  nearly  invisible  in  the  day :  yet 
having  travelled  it  some  half  dozen  times  daily,  we  were  fami- 
liar with  every  stone,  stick  and  root,  lying  in  or  across  the 
path,  and  anything  new  there  would  be  sure  to  arrest  attention. 
Furnished  with  a  light  in  a  small  glass  lantern,  we  proceeded 
homeward,  myself  in  front  and  my  wife  following,  till  at  the 
end  of  about  two  hundred  yards,  an  unexpected  root  presented 
itself,  running  seemingly  from  the  nearest  beech :  but  as  the  root 
ought  not  to  be  there,  before  taking  the  next  step  I  stooped  to 
examine,  holding  the  light  down  towards  the  root — which  turned 
not  into,  but  was  in  reality  nothing  more  nor  less  than  the  head 
and  neck  of  an  enormous  rattlesnake! 

Perhaps  a  novice,  in  backwood  life,  may  be  pardoned  for 
feeling  a  momentary  sickness  when  the  glare  of  the  serpent's 
eye  fell  on  mine,  as  the  rays  of  the  lamp  disclosed  and  struck 
on  his !  The  distance  between  us  was  only  eighteen  inches ; 
another  step,  therefore,  would  have  carried  rne  over  or  upon  the 
reptile!  But  no  sooner  had  I  said — It  is  &  snake!  than  Mrs. 
C.,  too  alarmed  to  reflect,  instantly  from  behind  clasped  me, 


THE      NEW   PURCHASE.  125 

holding  down  both  my  arms;  and  thus  allowing  me  neither  to 
advance,  nor  retreat,  she  at  the  same  time  began  a  series  of 
most  piercing  shrieks,  to  which  as  nothing  better  could  be  done, 
Mr.  C.  added  loud  cries  of  "  Hullow-ow  !  down  there  ! — hul- 
lo w-ow  ! !" 

Of  course,  this  uproar  brought  them  all  up  from  down  there, 
and  a  clerical  visitor  among  the  rest — Bishop  Shrub,  of  Tim- 
beropolis.  In  the  meantime  the  snake  had  retreated  or  passed 
on  ;  and  as  there  was  too  great  risk  in  poking  after  him  amid 
the  weeds  and  grass  at  night,  and  the  central  cabin  was  the  far- 
ther away,  our  whole  party  returned,  and  all  spent  the  night  at 
the  parsonage. 

Happy  Erin  !  where  snakes  there  are — none  ! 


CHAPTER   XIX. 


Ab  ovo 


Usque  ad  mala " 

"From  the  cackle  to  the  cluckle." 

I  WAS  sitting  one  day,  with  Bishop  Hilsbury,  when,  through 
his  modest  little  sash  were  seen  two  young  men  riding  up;  who 
tying  their  horses,  after  a  short  consultation,  advanced  to  the 
door.  On  this  the  Bishop  whispering — "  a  wedding  without  a 
doubt" — hastened  to  receive  his  visitors. 

Evidently  the  parson  had  been  supposed  alone  ;  and  my 
presence  seemed  to  disperse  the  courage  mustered  by  the 
youngsters,  and  they  stumbled  into  seats  in  manifest  distress. 
But  we  soon  engaged  them  in  conversation  on  land,  timber, 
corn,  swine,  muddy  roads,  dry  ridges,  high  waters,  and  all  syl- 
van topics :  and  on  all  and  each,  our  friends  rung  the  changes 
of  all  the  powerfuls,  big  and  little ;  and  all  the  chances  and 
sprinkles,  the  smarts  and  right  smarts  and  right  down  smarts, 
till  they  were  talked,  not  out  of  countenance,  but  into  it ;  nay, 
till  they  had  more  than  a  dozen  times — while  the  clatter  lasted 
— seemingly  collected  brass  sufficient  for  their  special  affair  to  be 


126  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

introduced  at  the  next  pause.  Yet  alas !  with  the  calm,  re- 
turned the  sheepishness ;  and  there  sat  our  rustics  red  as  boiled 
lobsters,  not  at  anything  said,  but  at  what  was  to  be  said,  and 
grinning  a  smileless  kind  of  contortion  at  each  other,  equal  to 
asking — "Won't  you  begin?"  Then  they  gnawed  their  spice 
wood  riding  whips — wriggled  on  their  seats — crossing  leg  after 
leg,  as  if  the  legs  were  all  equally  opposed  to  being  undermost, 
till  convinced  nothing  by  way  of  expose  was  coming  this  gap, 
off  all  set  afresh  on  the  circle  of  the  old  topics  thus  : 

"  Immense  forests  here,  sir  !" 

"  Yes — most  powerful  'mense  heap  of  woods.  Allow  woods 
is  most  considerable  cut  off  in  them  'are  settlements  you  come 
from,  Mr.  Carltin  ?  They  say  you've  no  barr  nor  turkey  out 
thare,  in  Filledelfy  ?" 

"  No  :  no  bears  on  four  legs.  But  still  we've  a  smart  sprin- 
kle of  dandy  out  our  way" — 

"  Huh  !  haw  ! — them's  the  fellers  with  hair  on  their  faces  and 
what  goes  gallin  all  the  time — powerful  heap  a  fun  in  that,  Mr. 
Hilsbury,  though." 

Here  the  speaker  stopped  short ;  for  what  he  had  said  about 
our  hairy  creatures  was  out  of  no  disrespect  for  the  animals,  but 
only  to  lighten  hii  own  load;  but  then  he  had  found  it  still  too 
heavy,  and  broke  clown  at  the  lift.  Retreat,  however,  now  did 
not  offer,  and  so  suddenly  rising  and  winking  to  the  parson,  they 
both  went  together  into  the  yard,  leaving  myself  and  the  other 
young  man  in  the  cabin.  When  outside,  the  groom — for  he  it 
was,  thus  commenced : 

"  Well— hem— Mr.  Hilsbury— hem  !" 

«  Yes — Joseph — I  think  I  understand — don't  I  ?" 

"Well — allow,  maybe  you  do." 

"1  was  down  in  the  Welden  settlement,  and  I  heard  some- 
thing about  our  losing  neighbour  Ashford's  Susan." 

"  He  !  he  ! — yes  ! — well  I  am  a  sort  a  goin  to  git  married — 
and  Susan's  the  very  gal.  Well  now,  Mr.  Hilsbury,  Billy  W el- 
den's  come  along  for  groomsman  and  he's  got  the  invite — I'll 
just  call  him  out  and  git  it." 

Billy  accordingly  was  now  summoned,  and  taking  off  his  new 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  127 

fur  hat,  he  extracted  the  "  invite  "  from  the  lining  and  handed 
it  over  to  the  preacher.  As  the  Bishop  allowed  me  to  see  the 
document  as  a  specimen  of  New  Purchase  literature,  I  took  the 
following  exact  and  literal  copy : 

"  Rev.  Mr.  Hilsbury  asqr., — you  are  pertiklurly  invited  to 
attend  the  house  of  mr.  Abrim  Ashford  asq.  to  injine  upon  i  the 
yoke  of  konjegal  mattrimunny  with  his  dater  miss  Susan  Ash- 
ford  as  was — thersday  mornin  next  10  aklok  before  dinner  a.  m. 
mr.  Joseph  Redden 

your  humbell  sarv't, 

mr.  William  Welden,  groomsman." 

"  p.  s.  dont  say  nuthin  about  this  'ere  weddin  that's  to  be — 
as  it's  to  be  sekrit — and  to  morrer  Billy  Welden's  goin  to  ride 
round  and  give  the  invites — and  all  your  settlemint's  to  be 
axed." 

Next  day  Mr.  Welden  appeared  in  the  edge  of  the  woods, 
being  too  much  in  a  hurry  to  dismount  and  let  down  the  bars, 
and  according  to  etiquette  in  such  cases,  he  exclaimed,  "  Hul- 
low  !  the  house !"  Upon  this,  Mr.  Seymour  proceeded  to  the 
fence,  and  on  his  return  to  the  house  announced  the  anticipated 
"  invite." 

And  now  as  it  is  sometime  before  we  go  to  the  wedding,  we 
may  properly  in  the  interval  introduce  the  bride  elect  and  her 
family.  Abraham  Ashford,  the  father,  was  the  patriarch  of  the 
Ashford  settlement,  which  joined  Glenville  on  the  north-west. 
After  a  life  of  jome  years  in  a  cabin  of  the  roughest  order,  the 
family  had,  within  the  past  year,  removed  into  a  good  two  story 
log-house  of  the  hewed  order ;  and  hence,  he  himself  being  a 
very  tall  man,  and  having  sons  tending  rapidly  upward  to  his 
summit  level,  and  having  a  two  story  house,  neighbour  Ashford 
is  to  be  regarded  as  an  eminent  man.  He  had,  too,  scraped  a 
spelling  acquaintance  with  easy  reading,  and  that  made  him 
affect  the  company  of  the  Glenvillians — not  so  much  I  fear  to 
increase  his  knowlege  as  to  display  it.  For  instance,  once  on 
bringing  his  stock  of  ginseng  to  our  tannery,  where  we  bought 


128  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

the  article  on  speculation,  Mr.  Ashford,  on  laying  it  on  a  dry 
hide,  thus  began : 

"  Well,  Johnny,  my  buck,  what  do  you  allow  sang's  (ginseng) 
done  with  out  there  in  Chi-ne  ?" 

"  Oh !  probably  the  Chinese  smoke  it,  or  chew  it !" 

"  Well,  that's  your  idee ;  but  I  knows  better  nor  that  comes 
to,  according  to  my  idee." 

"  What  is  your  opinion  ?" 

"  Well,  I'll  tell  you.  A  sailor-man  was  once  out  here  in  sang 
time  a  buying  up — long  before  you  kim  out — and  he'd  been  in 
all  them  parts  about  Chi-ne  in  a  ship  or  the  like — and  he  told  me 
all  about  what  them  fellers  done  with  it." 

"  Indeed !" 

"  Yes — and  he  told  me  as  how  they  biled  the  sang  up,  and  put 
it  in  to  clarify  their  chany  tea  cups  and  sassers." 

Neighbour  Ashford  was,  moreover,  a  philosopher ;  but  as  his 
views  may  perhaps  expose  him  to  a  visit  from  the  Inquisition, 
I  shall  give  no  greater  insight  into  his  physical  creeds,  than  by  a 
narration  of  our  talk  on  the  shape  of  the  earth. 

"  Mr.  Ashford,"  said  Glenville,  one  day  I  was  present,  "  I 
wish  you  would  let  Carlton  here  understand  your  idea  about 
the  shape  of  the  earth;  he's  just  from  college  and  don't  think 
as  you  do." 

"  Well,  Johnny,  my  buck,  I'm  willing  to  talk  with  Mr.  Carl- 
ton,  or  any  larn'd  man  ;  and  I've  no  idee  this  here  world  of  ourn 
is  round.  Them's  my  sentiments,  Mr.  Carlton." 

"  I  do  not  quite  agree  with  you  there,  Mr.  Ashford ;  1  have 
been  taught  that  our  earth  Is  an  oblate  spheroid !" 

"  Oh  !  I  don't  know  nuthen  consarnin  high-flow'd  diksionary 
shapes ;  all  my  idefe  is  the  world's  not  ublate,  nor  no  sort  of 
round,  and  I  kin  prove  it  straight  as  a  rifle." 

"  I  only  meant  to  say  I  was  taught  to  think  the  world  was  a 
sort  of  roundish ;  but  I'm  ready  to  give  up  if  you  can  prove  as 
you  say." 

"  Well,  I'm  powerful  glad  to  see,  Mr.  Carlton,  you  aint  proud 
for  all  your  high  larnin — and  so  I'll  jist  tell  you  how  I  kim  to 
find  it  out.  You  see,  sir,  I  was  one  day  a  ploughing  with  them 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  129 

two  brown  mares,  to  put  in  corn,  and  as  we  ploughed  along,  I 
gets  into  a  solelo'que  on  this  diffikilt  pint,  and  so  sez  I  to  my- 
self, sez  I,  what's  the  use  in  fillosofers  a  say  in  our  world's 
round.  Don't  my  ole-womin's  dry  apples  git  off  the  plank  and 
then  role  rite  down,  smack  down  the  pitch  of  the  ruf  1  'Cos 
why  1  Why  'cos  it  aint  flat.  And  so  I  argefied  the  pint  agin 
this  way ;  sez  I,  kin  a  feller  go  spang  up  the  round  of  a  big 
punkun?  And  then  I  stops  the  mares;  and  sez,  wouldn't  this 
here  plough  and  them  'are  hoss-beasts  role  down  like  the  dry 
apples  if  this  here  world  was  round  like  a  big  punkun — and 
aint  it  more  powerful  harder  to  get  up  and  stick  on  a  big  round 
thing  nor  a  little  one?  And  then  I  jis't  minded — and  I  slapped 
agin  rny  head  so — action  to  word — and  I  hollows  out  aloud,  so 
that  the  mares  started  to  go — but  I  cries  '  woh !  won't  you  ?'-«- 
and  they  stops  agin — and  I  kept  on  a  hollowin — 'I've  got  it! — 
I've  got  it !' — and  slaps  rite  off  to  make  tracks  home — and 
when  I  gets  in,  sez  I  to  the  old  womun,  'Molly,'  sez  I,  'hand 
us  the  ole  book — I've  got  it!'  '  Got  what,  Abrum  V-t—sez  she. 
'Why  hand  us  the  ole  book,  I  tell  you,'  sez  I.  (During  the 
progress  of  his  lecture,*  Mr.  Ashford  had  taken  up  our  family 
bible;  and  now  with  his  finger  resting  on  the  third  verse  of 
Genesis,  he  did,  on  a  sudden  for  me,  what  he  had  previously 
done  for  his  wife.)  And  so  she  hands  me  the  ole  book,  and  I 
lays  it  out  afore  her  jist  so — opening  and  spreading  the  book 
before  me — thare  sir,  thare,  read  that  thar  varse — it's  proved 
from  the  Bible,  sir — thare  read  that  are  !  viz : — '  And  the 
earth  was  without  FORM  !'  sir." 

Here  we  held  down  our  head  as  close  to  the  page  as  possible, 
as  if  absorbed  in  thought  and  inspecting  the  words  most  closely, 
till  with  an  unsteady  voice  we  could  reply : — 

"  I  confess,  Mr.  Ashford,  I  never  did  see  the  passage  in  that 
light  before ;  and  it  only  proves  that  plain  men,  if  left  to  them- 
selves, will  often  discover  what  learned  folks  never  can ;  but 
what  shape  is  the  earth  do  you  say  ?" 

"  Do  /  say  1 — why  does'nt  the  ole  book  itself  say  the  earth 


*  Could  not  some  Lyceum  send  for  Mr.  Ashford  ? 

6* 


130  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

aint  no  shape  at  all? — it's  got  no  form  — it's  nuthin  but  a  grate 
stretched  along  place  like  a  powerful  big  prararee  without  any 
ind — yes,  sir,  and  as  flat  as  a  pancake." 

*'  True,  Mr.  Ashford,  and  the  Bible  says  also  the  earth  is 
VOID  ! — empty,  sir,  and  hollow  as  a  nut-shell !" 

For  a  moment  Mr.  Ashford  was  staggered  at  so  unexpected 
an  addition  to  his  theory  ;  he  seemed  alarmed  at  the  utter 
emptiness  of  a  shapeless  earth!  Yet  at  the  very  next  log- 
rolling, he  proclaimed  both  Glenville  and  Carlton  to  be  converts 
to  his  "  idee,"  adding  in  the  latter  gentleman's  praise,  "  he  wan't 
nere  so  stuck  up  a  feller  as  folks  said."  And  so,  reader,  we  are 
Amorphorites ;  with  more  belief,  however,  in  the  emptiness  of 
the  world,  than  in  its  want  of  shapes. 

As  to  the  sun,  Mr.  Ashford  had  a  peculiar  and  original 
theory ;  "  I  am,"  said  he,  "  sentimentally  of  opinion  that  the 
sun,  after  all,  is  nothing  but  a  great  shine  /"  Like  many  other 
forest  patriarchs,  our  neighbour  often  did  his  own  preaching ; 
being  in  advance  of  this  age,  when  we  all  do  our  own  doctoring, 
write  our  own  poetry,  tales,  essays,  and  every  man  is  his  own 
lawyer ;  and  of  course  in  theology,  like  people  in  an  enlight- 
ened era,  he  had  his  own  notions.  Hence,  in  one  discourse 
about  the  good  Samaritan,  he  took  occasion  to  illuminate  us  as 
to  its  "Speretil  meaning;"  and  among  other  things  said,  "some 
folks  think  that  the  two  pennies  left  the  Jerikoo  man,  was 
nuthin  but  cash  pennies — but  my  friends,  there's  a  speretil  and 
bettersome  idee: — one  penny  is  the  law,  and  tother's  the  gospel." 

The  Ashfords  were,  however,  remarkable  for  nice  house- 
keeping, and  for  cleanliness  of  person.  And  the  rose  of  our 
wilderness  was  Susan  Ashford,  the  intended  bride.  Ignorant, 
indeed,  she  was  of  all  things  out  of  the  woods ;  but  she  was  of 
good  natural  capacity,  merry  disposition,  lofty  notions,  and 
withal  a  very  pretty  and  modest  maiden.  From  the  first,  she 
took  a  strong  liking  for  the  Glenville  people ;  and  was  evidently 
glad  to  find  friends  able  and  willing  to  teach  her  many  import- 
ant matters  of  which  she  frankly  and  voluntarily  would  confess 
her  ignorance.  And  as  far  as  her  mother  would  permit,  Susan 
by  degrees  conformed  their  own  domestic  economy  and  fixtures 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  131 

to  ours,  defending  us  whenever  her  mother  would  object,  and 
intimate  that  the  "  Glenville  folks  were,  maybe,  a  leetle  prouder 
nor  they  should  be." 

Susan  had,  of  course,  many  offers ;  yet  as  she  told  Emily 
Glenville,  her  confidante — "  she'd  no  idea  of  marrying  any  rough 
body  without  no  more  manners  than  a  barr ;  and  for  her  part 
she'd  have  somebody  that  know'd  how  to  dress  up  on  Sundays 
in  store  cloth  and  yaller  buttons,  a  sort  a  gentleman  like." 

Now  Susan  did  not  really  think  that  dress  made  the  man ; 
she  did  only  think,  and  properly  think,  that  no  decent  young 
fellow  would  on  proper  occasions  boorishly  neglect  his  dress, 
and  especially  when  he  came  a  courting. 

One  answering  externally  became  a  suitor.  He  was  morally, 
however,  unworthy  Susan;  and  her  escape  was  owing  to  his 
personal  dirtiness — with  which  a  curious  accident  made  her  ac- 
quainted. She  caught  sight  of  his  naked  feet,  as  he  in  a  moment 
of  forgetfulness  took  off  his  shoes  in  her  presence ;  upon  which 
she  declared  next  day  to  Emily  Glenville,  "that  she  never 
would  have  such  a  dirty  feller,  if  he  did  wear  store  cloth  and 
yaller  buttins."  This  fellow,  a  pretty  well  educated  Scotchman, 
had  courted  some  by  letters;  which  the  Ashfords  not  fully 
comprehending,  had  now  and  then  brought  to  Emily  to  be  de- 
ciphered, especially  the  letter  in  which  the  suitor  said,  "  he  had 
a  predilection  for  his  mistress  !"  On  this  occasion,  Susan  re- 
marked, "  there  was  sich  a  powerful  heap  of  diksenery  words, 
she  could't  quite  see  the  drift  on  'em."  Happily  the  above  acci- 
dent saved  our  protege  from  a  disastrous  union  with  an  atheist 
and  a  distiller. 

But  now  Joseph  Redden  was  accepted ;  a  very  honest,  in- 
dustrious, and  upright  young  man ;  and  who  not  only  dressed 
up  to  Susan's  rule,  but  more  than  that,  he  kept,  about  twenty- 
five  miles  distant,  a  small  store  himself,  and  sold  store  cloth 
and  yellow  buttons  to  others.  And  thus  Susan,  and  all  her  old 
friends,  and  we  her  new  ones,  were  well  satisfied. 

In  due  time  the  wedding-day  came.  Mr.  Hilsbury,  however, 
had  not  yet  got  home  from  a  missionary  tour,  and  we  of  Glen- 
ville were  forced  to  set  out  without  the  bishop,  but  in  hopes  he 


132  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

would  be  yet  in  time  at  Mr.  Ashford's.  Between  our  settle- 
ment and  his,  the  distance  was  little  more  than  two  miles;  and 
for  want  of  conveyances  enough  for  all,  it  was  concluded  in  a 
general  assembly  of  our  colony  the  day  before,  that  the  ladies 
and  helps  of  the  borough,  should  ride  to  the  wedding,  and  the 
gentlemen  walk.  And  so  we  took  up  the  line  of  procession 
thus : — 

1.  Uncles  John  and  Tommy  in  the  van.     Their  business  was 
to  keep  the  true  course  through  the  woods,  clear  away  brush  and 
let  down  fences. 

2.  Mrs.  Glenville  and  Aunt  Kitty  riding  twice  on  Kate,  the 
celebrated  gray  mare — queen  of  horses  (genus). 

3.  The  Eev.  Mistress  Hilsbury  on  a  borrowed  nag ;  the  lady 
with  an  infant  in  her  arms,  and  a  little  girl  for  nurse  behind. 

4.  Mrs.  Carlton,  Miss  Emily,  and  Aunt  Nancy,  on  our  spot- 
ted mare,  called  Freckled  Ginney. 

5.  Last  of  the  cavalry,  Old  Dick,  with  all  the  help  of  the 
colony — i.  e.,  three  gals  riding  thrice. 

6.  Glenville  and  Carlton  closed  the  rear.     Our  business  was 
to  put  up  fences,  see  the  ladies  get  along  in  safety,  and,  above 
all,  to  keep  Dick  from  lagging.     For  like  grave  personages 
familiar  with  Chesterfield,  Dick  was  rarely  in  a  hurry ;  on  the 
contrary  he  usually  stepped  with  a  very  solemn  swing,  as  con- 
scious men's  eyes  were  upon  him  and  of  his  weight  in  society. 
And  yet  after  a  very  long  sermon  he  would  sometimes  hasten 
home  with  an  irreverent  impatience ;  and  always  on  rounding 
a  certain  sink  hole,  whence  could  be  caught  a  glimpse  of  the 
stable,  our  hero,  and  without  consulting  the  friends  who  were 
kindly  backing  him,  would  suddenly  pitch   into  a  gait  com- 
pounded of  every  pace  and  shuffle  ever  learned  in  his  youth  or 
since  taken  up  extemporaneously. 

Once  Dick  had  been  loaned  to  the  bishop's  wife ;  and  on  our 
return  from  church — all  persuasives  from  the  lady's  heel  and 
Mr.  Carl  ton's  toe — all  stripes  from  beech  rods  and  leather  whip 
— all  cherrups  and  get-ups  and  even  old-rascals-you—all  snap- 
ping of  bridle  reins  to  bring  to  his  recollection  Conestogo  whip- 
crackings — all,  all  were  in  vain  ! — Dick  only  grinned  or  gave  a 


THE     NEW    PURCHASE.  133 

double  nourish  with  his  tail,  crawling  along  and  dragging  leg 
after  leg,  till  they  seemed  always  in  motion  and, yet  always 
stock-still !  But  unexpectedly  to  us  he  reached  the  favourite 
sink  hole ;  when,  giving  a  sudden  sneeze  and  slapping  my  beast 
in  the  face  with  his  tail,  away  he  darted  into  the  nondescript 
gait  above  named — but  very  much  as  if  caco-demons  had  some- 
how got  possession  of  his  carcass.  The  dry  leaves  of  autumn 
were  then  plenty,  and  the  fellow  got  them  into  such  a  lively, 
excited,  and  noisy  state,  that  we  riders,  only  ten  feet  apart, 
could  hear  nothing  said  by  one  another:  hence,  after  useless 
efforts  to  be  heard  in  answer  to  the  lady's  voice  coming  to  me 
in  a  high  screech-key,  I  kept  only  at  last  rising  in  my  stirrups, 
opening  the  mouth  very  wide  arid  supporting  the  jaw  with  one 
hand,  so  that  a  distorted  face  seemed  in  the  agony  and  effort  of 
loud  and  earnest  delivery — but  vet  uttered  not  a  word. 

"Nonsense!    Mr.  Carl  ton" — 

Granted,  my  dear  Mr.  Graves :  but  are  we  back-woods' 
people  to  have  no  fun  1  And  if  we  are  to  have  any,  how  shall 
we  have  it  unless  we  create  it  ?  You  have  concerts,  and  balls, 
and  popular  lectures  till  they  become  unpopular — and  jest 
books— Lady's  Book — Gentleman's  Book — Boy's  Book — and 
organs  in  churcheSj  and  candy-shops  and  oysters,  and  what  not  1 
And  we  are  to  mope  to  death  in  the  woods — hey  ?  Believe 
me,  we  learn  out  there  to  make  our  own  sports,  and  contrive  to 
extract  something  pleasant  from  the  empty  roar  of  autumnal 
leaves  shuffled  and  kicked  into  harmless  tempest  by  old  Dick's 
horse-heels.  And  further,  dear  Mr.  Strutell,  all  this  requires 
more  ingenuity,  and  even  a  calmer  conscience,  than  every  body 

"  But  you  started  for  the  wedding." 

We  did ;  but  we  had  two  miles  and  more  to  go — and  here 
is  the  place — and  we  shall  resume  the  narrative. 

The  wedding-party  were  all  assembled  and  expecting  our  ar- 
rival. And  now,  Mr.  Ashford  came  to  meet  us,  expressing  his 
regret  at  the  failure  of  Mr.  Hilsbury  to  be  present ;  but  as 
several  other  preachers  were  present,  he  suggested  that  it  would 
be  best  to  proceed  with  the  ceremony.  In  this  we  coincided, 


134  THE     NEW    PURCHASE. 

and  so  preparation  was  made  for  it,  the  Rev.  Diptin  Menniwa- 
ter  being  selected  in  place  of  Bishop  Hilsbury. 

And,  soon,  then,  we  were  all  paraded  in  the  large  room,  in 
which  the  company  was  compactly  rowed  along  upon  benches, 
as  noiseless  and  solemn  as  in  "meetin':"  and  hence  we  men  of 
Glenville  went  squeezing  around,  and  among,  and  into,  shaking 
hands  with  all  that  could  be  got  at,  and  nodding  and  smiling, 
and  winking  at  such  as  could  not  be  felt  and  handled,  till  places 
were  found,  if  not  to  sit  in,  yet  to  stand  in,  and  where  we 
waited  in  laudable  patience  for  the  descent  of  the  bridal  party 
to  destroy  the  oppressive  and  dead  calm  that  succeeded.  The 
solemn  stillness  was  indeed,  now  and  then  broken  by  some 
lagger  who  administered  the  usual  slap  to  the  door,  and  uttered 
the  visiting  formula  already  named — but  jhat  was  only  an  in- 
terruption like  pitching  a  pebble  into  a  smooth;  deep  lake.  At 
very  long  last  Mrs.  Ashford,  going  to  foot  of  the  steps — a  com- 
pound of  ladder  and  stairs — called  to  those  in  the  upper 
room : — 

"  Well,  if  any  body  up  thare's  got  a  sort  of  notion  to  get 
married  to-day,  I  allow  thare's  no  time  to  lose,  no  how." 

This  was  answered  with  a  species  of  giggle-sniggering  by 
parties  in  both  stories ;  and  in  the  midst  commenced  above  a 
shuffle  movement,  as  if  something  might  be  expected  below 
pretty  quick.  And  soon  was  placed  in  descending  order,  first, 
a  pair  of  shiney  new  calf-skin  boots,  with  thin  soles;  then, 
secondly,  only  a  step  higher,  a  pair  of  bran  new  morocco  slip- 
pers, with  ancles  in  white  stockings ;  and  then,  thirdly,  at  suit- 
able intervals,  second  pairs  of  shiney  dittos,  and  moroccos,  and 
ancles.  These  omens  were  instantly  succeeded  by  coat  tails 
hooked  on  men's  arms,  and  white  frocks  held  aloof  from  soiled 
stairs — all  which  matters  were  plain  enough  to  us  behind  the 
stairway,  it  having  no  flooring  or  back,  till  the  principal  actors 
had  all  descended  bodily,  and  stood  among  us  propria  persona — 
i.  e.,  as  large  as  life.  Whether  from  ignorance  or  etiquette, 
the  groom  and  his  attendant,  instead  of  being  leaned  upon, 
rested  their  own  arms  on  those  of  the  two  ladies,  the  bride 
and  her  maid — as  if  each  man  had  hooked  a  woman,  and  was 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  135 

determined  to  hold  her  fast  for  a  wife,  after  the  trouble  of 
catching. 

The  Rev.  Mr.  Menniwater,  a  piteous  looking  personage, 
humble  as  a  drowned  rat,  was  now  seen  to  emerge  from  behind 
one  of  the  back  benches,  whither  he  had  slunk  away,  to  nurse 
his  courage  for  the  grand  duty ;  but  unable  to  come  near  the 
parties  at  the  foot  of  the  stair-ladder,  he  remained  where  he 
was,  and  began  to  cry  out  his  part,  as  if  engaged  in  out-door 
preaching,  only  with  unusual  rapidity,  lest  his  speech  should  be 
forgotten  before  it  could  all  be  delivered — thus  : — 

"  Well — are  you  goin'  for  to  take — sir — that  worn  in — sir — 
a  holdin'  by  the  hand — sir — for  a  lawful — covenint  wife,  sir?" 

To  this  question  direct,  the  groom  and  groomsman  both  re- 
turned nods;  although  the  real  man  added  an  audible — "Yes,  I 
am,"  giving,  too,  a  visible  pinch  to  Susan's  arm ;  equivalent  to 
an  exhortation  and  admonition  that  it  was  next  her  turn. 

"  Well — are  you  goin'  for  to  have — hem  !  ma'am  ! — that 
thare  man — ma'am  ! — a  holdin'  on  your  arm — for  to  be  your 
lawful  covenint — man — hrm  ! — husband,  ma'am  T' 

Here  both  ladies  made  a  courtesy — kurtshee — but  Susan 
added  the  affirmative ;  upon  which  the  parson  repeated  the  fol- 
lowing closing  form : — 

"  Well,  I  say,  then,  by  authority  of  this  here  license  from  the 
dark  of  our  court,  as  how  you're  both  now — man  and  woman — 
that  is — hem  ! — as  how  both  of  you  are  married,  young  folks, 
and  no  body's  no  right  to  keep  you  asunder."  Upon  which, 
greatly  terrified,  our  preacher  instantly  demanded  something  to 
drink  ;  not  that  he  needed  any  thing  from  thirst,  but  from  em- 
barrassment, and  to  cover  his  retreat. 

But  the  Rev.  Mr.  Menniwater's  call  for  drink,  was  the  signal 
that  the  matrimonial  meeting  was  out ;  and  the  kissing  of  the 
bride  was  set  going  by  the  ladies  of  Glenville,  who — for  mere 
example's  sake,  however — were  followed  by  the  gentlemen  of 
Glenville.  And  two  of  these  gentlemen,  I  think,  extended  their 
salutation  to  the  bride's  maid,  which  was  so  encouraging  to  the 
groomsman,  and  other  shy  chaps,  that  they,  with  one  consent, 
began  to  salute  the  brides  that  were  to  be :  so  that  affairs  were 


136  THE     NEW    PURCHASE. 

soon  as  completely  uproarious  and  screechery  as  in  a  fashion- 
able, high-bred  evening  party,  with  one  good  piano  and  some 
three  dozen  vocalists,  professors  and  amateurs  of  singing  and 
talking.  At  last  the  girls  put  out,  followed  by  the  beaux  ;  and 
none  were  left  in  the  room  but  we  old  folks — married  people — 
and  the  young  eouple.  And  then  came  on  all  the  old,  racy,  and 
original  jokes  and  sayings  on  such  occasions,  with  some  new  ones 
in  regard  to  the  "  man  and  woman,"  made  by  Mr.  M.  ;  whose 
inveterate  habit  of  "old  manning,"  etc.,  had  forced  him  to  sub- 
stitute man  and  woman  for  husband  and  wife,  in  concluding  the 
ceremony.  One  very  smart  neighbour  body  so  persisted  in 
calling  the  whole  no  ceremony  at  all,  that  poor  Susan  was  half 
persuaded  she  was  hardly  married  ;  and  had  we  of  Glenville 
fomented  the  affair,  and  Mr.  Hilsbury  been  present,  Susan,  I 
do  think,  would  have  had  the  marriage  ceremony  over  again-. 

It  was  now  noon,  and  dinner — the  grand  affair — was  not  to 
be  till  near  three  o'clock,  p.  M. — although  every  body,  man, 
woman,  boy,  girl,  help,  domestic  and  hired  and  volunteer,  hands 
and  legs,  were  all  ferment  in  hastening  this  catastrophe  of  our 
drama.  And  truly  drama  it  was,  if  action  and  motion  pertain 
to  its  essence.  Here  a  boy  was  ferociously  cutting  wood — 
there  one  toting  wood  :  here  a  man  and  two  women  getting  a 
fire  in  full  blast  out  of  doors — there  two  men  and  one  girl 
blowing  up  one  within  :  and  then  rushed  by  a  whirlwind  of  petti- 
coats, with  one  featherless  turkey,  or  two  featherless  hens,  af- 
fectionately hugged  along  to  dutch  ovens  and  skillets !  Some 
carried  and  fixed  tables,  pushing  and  kicking  and  jamming  at 
them  till  they  consented  to  stay  fixed,  and  not  to  coggle  ! 
Some  fixed  rattling  plates,  clattering  knives,  and  ringing  bowls 
on  stout  table  covers  which  were  at  the  same  moment  jerked 
by  others,  till  they  "  came  a  sorter  strate !"  And  there  was 
Mr.  Ashford,  jun.,  with  his  rifle,  decapitating  extra  fowls,  the 
company  proving  much  larger  than  had  been  expected !  For 
on  these  hearty  and  solemn  occasions  every  body  is  welcome, 
who  comjss  as  an  umbra  to  a  neighbour,  or  acts  as  his  own 
shadow  and  shade  ;  and  every  body  is  stuffed  with  as  much  as  he 
will  hold ;  so  that  all  sorts  of  feathered  creatures  suffer  for  the 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  137 

wedding  dinner,  and  in  great  numbers,  it  being  long  before  a 
wholesome  backwoodsman  ever  cries,  "  Ohe  jam  satis !"  about 
the  same,  as  the  classic  reader  knows,  as  crying  out,  "  Well ! 
I've  a— hem!— full!" 

The  whole  clearing  evidently  enjoyed  a  saturnalia.  Wagons 
and  carts  and  sleds  rested  from  rolling  and  screeching ;  gears 
of  leather  and  gears  of  elm-bark  hung  crooked  and  unstretched 
on  fences  and  projections  of  out-houses ;  and  ploughs  lay  peace- 
ful, with  polished  shares  gleaming  in  sunshine.  The  animals 
manifestly  enjoyed  the  affair ;  hens  of  maternal  character 
clucked  'mid  late  broods,  and  some  wallowed  in  dust ;  geese 
hissed ;  ducks  quacked ;  and  dogs,  in  all  quarters,  ran,  barked, 
and  wagged  their  very  tails  for  gladness ;  while  shaggy  horses 
peeped  in  wonder  over  bars,  or  hung  tenderly  about  the  barn 
and  corn  cribs. 

Adjacent  the  house  was  a  yard ;  and  this  being  swept  daily 
with  wooden  brooms  and  tramped,  had  become  denuded  of 
grass,  and  hard  and  clean  as  a  puncheon  floor.  Here  we  now 
all  walked,  ran,  jumped,  joked,  told  tales,  made  brags  and  bets 
— tickled  folk's  ears  with  timothy  heads — quizzed  chaps  about 
marrying — chased  girls  going  to  the  spring  for  water,  or  to  the 
milk  house,  and  ever  so  many  funny  things  beside.  And,  what 
was  wonderful !  the  girls  went  every  five  minutes  to  the  spring 
or  milk  house !  and  came  too  through  the  front  yard  !  when,  if 
they  had  thought,  the  way  out  of  the  back  door  was  much 
shorter  and  more  direct !  And  then  such  a  sprinkling  of  water 
from  little  calabashes  and  tin  cups  and  ox  horns !  And  such  a 
hanging  of  dish-cloths  and  milk-strainers  on  the  "  yaller  buttins" 
of  the  hinder  man  !  And  the  laughing  ! — and  the  rifle-shoot- 
ing ! — in  a  word,  we — author  included — were  most  decidedly, 
and  most  vulgarly  happy,  joyous,  and  chock  full  of  fun  and 
frolic. 

Of  course  all  this  was  too  much  for  Old  Dick  to  stand  and 
look  at  all  day :  hence,  contriving  to  ease  off*  his  bridle  and 
then  to  work  over  the  fence,  or  may  be  under  it,  there,  sure 
enough,  in  the  midst  of  our  sacred  enclosure,  suddenly  stood 
his  impudence,  and  as  if  we  were  his  "  feller  critturs !"  He 


138  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

was  no  stranger,  however,  to  the  company,  and  his  self-intro- 
duction was  hailed  with  more  than  three  cheers  ;  it  being  well 
known  he  would  contribute  his  share  to  the  entertainment. 
Accordingly,  like  a  favourite  dog,  he  was  fed  with  bits  of  bread, 
both  corn  and  wheat,  and  with  slices  of  fat  pork  and  pieces  of 
fresh  beef;  which  latter  he  would  only  chew  awhile,  like  to- 
bacco, and  then  eject.  He  was  then  smoothed  and  slapped  and 
called  names — then  pulled  by  the  tail — pinched  on  the  ears — 
made  to  grin — and  then  jumped  on  and  jumped  over ;  till  at 
last  girls  were  packed  and  stowed  upon  him,  and  nothing  was 
visible  of  the  favourite  but  four  horse-legs,  moving  under  frocks, 
and  a  tail  wagging  and  nourishing  happily  among  chintz  and 
morocco — the  whole  a  most  grotesque  feminine  centaur!  But 
when  we  packed  the  fellow  with  men  and  boys,  he  would  either 
shake  or  bite  them  off;  and  if  these  contrivances  failed  he  would 
suddenly  lie  down,  and  then  the  compound  rollings  were  un- 
commonly entertaining. 

Three  chaps  now  mounted  Dick,  fully  resolved  to  make  him. 
ford  the  creek,  here  about  ten  yards  wide  and  some  two  feet 
deep.  By  dint  of  coaxing  and  kicking,  and  pulling  and  push- 
ing, by  the  riders  and  the  company,  Dick  was  got  into  the 
water,  when  he  splashed  on  voluntarily  to  the  middle — but 
farther  than  that,  not  an  inch.  No — there  he  halted,  and  stood 
fixed  as  a  river-horse  that  had  grown  up  on  the  spot !  And  vain 
all  entreaties,  cuffings  !  kickings  !  vain  all  combined  hallooings  ! 
vain  all  pelting  with  clods  and  stones ! — all  latherings  with  long 
bean  poles ! — he  was  wholly  unbudgable  !  At  last,  however,  he 
did  move ;  and  so  did  his  riders,  who  hastily  slipped  offinto  water 
more  than  knee  deep,  preferring  that  to  a  roll  in  the  creek — 
Dick  having  exhibited  the  premonitory  symptom  of  performing 
that  ceremony ;  and  then  they,  amid  no  small  uproar  of  laughter 
from  the  whole  assembled  "  weddeners,"  waded  to  the  bank. 
"  But  Dick,  what  did  he1?1'  Sure  enough — why  he  speedily  be- 
took himself  to  the  farther  side,  where  he  wandered  about  and 
eat  twigs  and  bushes,  till  he  was  caught  for  our  return.  Reader, 
was  all  this  instinct  or  reason  1 

After  this  we  told   adventures.     Among  others,  one  hard- 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  139 

featured  old  worthy  gave  the  following  account  about  his  "  ole 
worn in's  tarrifying  a  barr,"  anglice,  terrifying  a  bear. 

"  When  we  was  fust  settled" — said  he — "  down  on  Higginsis 
bottim,  thare  was  no  mills  in  these  parts  and  so  we  pack'd  all 
our  bread  stuffs  from  over  thare  at  Wood1!!  about  once  a  month 
or  thare-abouts,  me  going  one  day  and  coming  back  agin  next 
day,  and  my  ole  womin  a  stayin  in  the  cabin  till  I  gits  back. 
The  Jnjins  was  mostly  gone,  but  straglin  ones  kept  comin  on  and 
off,  but  tho'  they  was  harmless  like,  folks  was  a  little  dubus  and 
didn't  want  thare  company ;  and  my  ole  womin  she  always  shot 
the  door  at  night,  and  a  sort  a  draw'd  the  bedstid  agin  it.  Well, 
so  one  night  I  was  away  for  meal  and  she  bethought  as  how 
she'd  render  off  her  fat ;  and  so  she  ons  with  the  grate  pot — 
that  one  you're  old  womin  neighbour  Ashford  borrerd  last  year 
to  bile  sugar  in — and  she  puts  in  her  fat  and  begins  a  heatin  it ; 
when  what  does  she  hear  all  at  once  on  a  sudden  but  a  power- 
ful trampiu  round  the  cabin  !  '  Maybe,'  says  she  to  herself, 
'  it's  some  poor  Injin  wants  in' — when  all  at  once  the  trampin 
stopt  and  somethin  begins  a  scratching  up  outside  the  chimbly, 
and  she  spies  through  a  crack,  and  if  it  want  a  powerful  barr 
that  was  arter  the  fat!  And  she  know'd  the  varmint  wasn't 
going  to  rest  till  he  klim  down  the  inside  of  the  chimbly  ;  and 
then  she'd  have  to  put  out  and  maybe  lose  all  her  fat !  Well, 
my  ole  womin  was,  to  be  sure,  a  leetle  skur'd — but  she  didn't 
lose  her  presentiment  of  mind — she  only  let  the  fellow  back 
down  as  near  as  was  convenient — and  then  she  jerks  a  handful 
of  dry  grass  out  of  our  tick,  and  set  fire  to  the  whole  on  the 
fat !  And  she  says,  'twas  most  powerful  laffy  to  hear  the 
barr  go  up  chimbly  again — and  how  he  was  still  heern  a 
growlin  and  makin  tracts  for  the  timbers !  And  that's  the  way 
she  tarrlfyed  the  barr  and  a  sort  a  scorched  his  brichis." 

"That  makes  me,  grandaddy,"  said  a  young  Hercules,  "think 
how  near  I  was  to  bein  skur'd  last  week,  with  a  wild  cat  over 
on  Acorn  Ridge.  I  was  out  huntin  turkey,  but  had  no  luck, 
and  didn't  see  the  fust  one  till  I  comes  towards  Tnglissis — and 
thare  I  heerd  a  feller  goblin.  So  I  crawls  into  the  brush  near 
a  beech  and  begins  a  goblin,  and  he  begins  a  anserrin  and  a 


140  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

comin  up — but  jist  then  I  hears  somethin  a  nuther  in  the  beech 
above — but  I  was  afeard  to  move  my  head  lest  the  turkey  ketch 
sight  of  me — and  so  I  gives  another  gobble,  and  then  hears  him 
a  comin  up  rite  smart,  and  I  was  only  waitin  to  git  sight  of  him 
— when  what  should  I  hear  but  a  sudden  shakin  rite  over  my 
head — and  so  I  looks  out  of  the  tail  of  my  eye  so — turning  his 
eye  for  illustration — and  I'll  be  dogg'd  if  thare  warnt  a  wild  cat 
jist  goin  to  spring,  as  I'd  gobled  him  up  like  a  gineine  cock 
myself.  So,  you  see  I  give  up  the  turkey  and  killed  the  var- 
mint— and  that's  his  skin,  grandaddy,  you  see  tother  day  at  our 
house." 

This  reminded  Uncle  John  of  an  adventure  of  his  own  some- 
what similar,  and  he  went  on  thus : 

"  One  day  when  hunting  in  Georgia  I  got  into  a  pine  thicket, 
where  I  sat  down  on  a  log  to  rest.  Happening  to  look  in  a 
certain  direction — for  nothing  of  the  sort  was  expected — I  saw 
a  fine  buck  coming  slowly  towards  the  thicket,  either  not  see- 
ing me  or  to  reconnoitre.  I  had  put  off  my  shoes  to  cool  my 
feet,  but  now  without  thinking  about  it,  I  rose  to  my  feet  ready 
to  fire  as  soon  as  the  deer  should  be  near  enough:  but  as  I 
stood  about  this  way — way  exhibited,  the  legs  apart — I  felt  some- 
thing very  cold  glide  upon  one  of  my  bare  feet,  and  on  glancing 
my  eye  that  way,  what  was  it  but  a  rattlesnake  crawling  from 
under  the  log  across  my  foot !  I  had  providentially  presence 
of  mind  to  remain  immovable  as  a  rock,  till  the  snake  had 
actually  crawled  his  whole  length  over  my  foot ;  and  when 
fairly  beyond  I  suddenly  jumped  away,  and  then  killed  him — 
but  of  course  I  lost  my  buck." 

"Brother  John,"  said  uncle  Tommy,  "that  makes  me  think 
of  my  being  lost  twenty  years  ago — but  dinner,  I  reckon,  is 
most  ready " 

"  Oh !  no,  uncle  Tommy,"  said  Mr.  Ashford,  "  we've  time  for 
that  'venture  of  yours." 

This  was  enough  for  our  Uncle  Leatherstocking  ;  for  no  man 
so  delighted  in  telling  adventures.  Indeed,  few  men  ever  en- 
countered more ;  and  still  fewer  could  orally  relate  them  so 
well.  He  was  not  an  educated  man,  or  even  a  good  English 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  141 

scholar ;  still  he  had  read  much  and  conversed  much  with  intel- 
ligent persons:  and  so  he  was  fluent  in  natural  English,  and 
could  aptly  coin  words  and  pronunciations  to  suit  new  ideas  and 
circumstances.  I  shall  try  and  preserve  his  manner  and  spirit : 
but  to  enjoy  his  stories,  one  should  sit  in  his  lonely  cabin  of  a 
winter's  night  away  in  the  howling  wilderness,  and  see  his 
countenance  and  action,  and  hear  his  tones. 

"  Prehaps,"  said  uncle  Tommy,  "you  know  my  wife's  father 
had  considerable  land  on  the  Blue  Fox  River  in  Ohio ;  so,  as 
we  two  wanted  a  leettle  more  elbow  room,  I  says  one  day  to 
Nancy,  '  Nancy.'  says  I,  '  I  dad,  'spose  we  put  out  and  live 
there.  Game's  mighty  plenty  there,  and  there's  fine  water  and 
plenty  a  fish,  and  plenty  a  wood;  and  we  can  lay  in  stores 
enough  at  Squattertown  to  last  more  nor  six  months  on  a 
streech.'  And  sure  enough,  as  I'm  a  livin  man,  off  we  sets 
and  puts  up  a  cabin  in  the  centre  of  the  track,  and  that  give  us 
room  for  the  present :  for  the  nearest  white  settlement  warnt 
nearer  nor  four  mile,  and  Squattertown,  the  county  seat,  was 
nigh  on  to  twelve  mile  off.  The  Ingins,  poor  critturs,  kim  a 
huntin  over  our  track,  albeit,  there  was  no  regular  town  of 
theirn  nearer  nor  twenty  miles  :  but  they  never  did  us  harm — 
no,  not  a  halt — (little  bit) — and  Nancy  got  so  used  to  their  red 
skins  that  she  never  minded  them.  There's  bad  Injins  that  will 
steal  and  maybe  massurkree :  but  most  when  they  find  a  rale 
sin serity -hearted  white,  would  a  blame  sight  sooner  sculp  them- 
selves than  him.  And  I  do  believe  me  and  Nancy  was  beliked 
by  them :  and  many's  the  ven'sin  and  turkey  they  fotch'd  as  a 
sort  of  present,  and  maybe  a  kind  of  pay  for  breadstuff's  and 
salt  Nancy  used  to  give  them.  Sartin,  indeed,  a  white  would 
now  and  then  be  killed :  but  when  all  the  sarcumstansis  was 
illusterated,  it  was  ginerally  found  the  white  was  agressur,  and 
was  kotch'd  doing  something  agin  their  laws — and  me  and 
Nancy  had  a  secret  conscience  that  the  white  desarved  his  fate : 
and  sometimes  I  felt  like  takin  sides  with  the  red  skins  myself, 
and  shootin  down  the  whiskey  devils  that  made  them  drunk — 
but  I'll  not  enter  on  that  now. 

"  Well,  I  hunted  and  fish'd  about  whole  days,  the  livelong 


142  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

blessed  day,  while  Nancy  she'd  stay  alone  a  readin  Scott's 
Family  Bible  :  so  that  she  got  three  times  right  spang  through 
it,  from  kiver  to  kiver — the  whole  three  volumes,  notes,  prac- 
tical observations,  marginal  references,  and  all !  And,  I  dad,  if 
she  did'nt  read  clean  through  all  our  church  histories,  Milnursis, 
and  Mush-heemisis,  and  history  of  the  Baptisis  and  Methodisis, 
and  never  so  many  more  books  beside,  for  we  always  toted  our 
books  wherever  we  went.  And  when  I  fished  I  used  to  lam 
sarmins  by  heart  out  of  Chrismas  Evans,  and  President  Davy's 
and  Mr.  Walker's,  and  that  was  a  kind  of  help  in  preachin." 

Uncle  Tommy  usually  made  the  dead  speak  when  he  preached, 
and  sometimes  he  would  echo  Bishop  Shrub  and  Bishop  H'us- 
bury,  and  other  living  apostles.  And  in  this  he  acted  wisely, 
not  being  competent  to  the  concoction  of  his  own  sermons;  and 
besides,  when  fully  excited,  he  could  do  Christmas  Evans'  cele- 
brated almanac  sermon  nearly  as  well  as  Christmas  himself: 
thence  among  the  "  Baptisis,"  as  he  always  called  them,  Uncle 
Tommy  was  greatly  venerated,  and  was  heaped  up  with  titles 
like  an  English  Bishop,  being  styled,  "  a  mighty  smart  and 
most  powerful  big  preacher !"  Let  not  uncle  Tommy's  pulpit 
preparation  be  despised  ;  even  "  high  lamed  sheepskins,"  it  is 
said,  do  sometimes  lay  both  the  living  and  the  dead  under 
heavy  contribution,  and  that,  too,  when  not  endowed  with  our 
buck-eye-preacher's  pathos  and  unction.  We,  indeed,  of  Glen- 
ville,  always  preferred  that  uncle  Tommy  should  represent 
Davies  and  Walker — and  even  Evans — and  not  to  give  his 
own.  But  to  the  story : 

"  Well,"  continued  he,  "  one  morning  early  in  December,  I 
says  to  Nancy,  'Nancy,  I  dad,'  says  I,  'I  do  believe  I'll  jist  take 
old  Bet — a  rifle — as  we  are  out  of  meat,  and  go  where  I  seen  the 
turkies  roosting  last  night :'  you  mind  the  morning,  Nancy,  my 
dear,  don't  you  ?" 

"Bless  you,  Tommy  Seymour,  I'll  never  forget  it — I  was 
near  losing  you  then,  Tommy." 

"  Well,  Nancy,  I'll  go  on  with  the  story." 

This  was  one  of  the  interlocutories  that  always  varied  and 
interrupted  uncle  Tommy's  narratives,  and  nothing  could  exc^l 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  143 

the  intense  interest  that  most  affectionate  and  devoted  wife — 
wife  and  child  to  him — took  in  the  stories,  though  heard  the 
hundredth  time.  But  uncle  Tommy  went  on  : 

"And  so  I  slips  out  of  bed — it  wasn't  day  quite — and  slips 
on  my  clothes,  and  fixes  my  old  gun  by  the  fire  and  then  opens 
the  door  to  set  out,  when  I  dissarned  a  leetle  sprinkle  of  snow 
and  a  likelihood  for  a  snow  storm.  Howsornever,  this  didn't 
faze  me,  only  I  steps  back  for  my  old  camlit  cloak — little 
thinking,  as  I  fixed  it  on,  how  I'd  need  the  thing  afore  I'd  git 
back  agin. 

"  Well,  I  starts  for  where  I'd  seen  the  turkeys,  and  gitting 
near,  sneaked  round  a  bit,  but  soon  found  the  critters  had  been 
too  quick,  and  like  Paddy's  flea,  wasn't  there.  I  heerd  them, 
howsomever,  fly,  and  so  on  I  kept  creeping  slowly  along  till  I'd 
got  from  home,  mayhap,  a  matter  of  two  miles ;  but  the  snow 
was  so  thick  in  the  air  that  I  never  could  dissarn  the  birds,  and 
away  they  kept  going  flurry-wurry  about  seventy  yards  ahead 
— till  I  give  up  the  hunt  and  turn'd  to  go  home  for  fear  Nancy 
might  be  waiting  breakfast — " 

"Yes,  Tommy  Seymour,  I  did  wait  breakfast  for  you " 

"Never  mind,  Nancy,  my  dear  child,  I  got  back  at  last  you 
know" — replied  uncle  Tommy,  and  continued — "Well,  I  turn'd 
to  go  back,  but  I  dad  if  I  could  jist  exactly  tell  where  1  was 
precisely,  the  snow  had  so  teetolly  kivered  my  tracks,  and  it 
was  now  snowing  so  bodaciously  fast  as  to  kiver  as  fast  as  I 
made  them.  But  I  took  a  sharp  look  at  the  timber,  and  fixing 
on  a  course,  I  kept  my  line  for  near  two  mile — yet,  I  dad,  if  I 
could  strike  the  cabin  and  couldn't  tell  whether  it  was  too  high 
or  too  low  ;  and  so  up  I  went  a  short  quarter,  and  down  a  short 
quarter,  as  near  as  could  be  guessed  circumlocating  for  three 
hours,  but  no  cabin  was  to  be  seen.  Well,  says  I,  I  dad,  if  I 
aint  about  as  good  as  lost ;  and  so  sits  down  in  a  tree  top  to  re- 
considerate,  and  take  a  fresh  start — but  soon  starts  up  and  hol- 
lows like  the  ole  Harry — but  nothing  gives  no  answer  and  all 
was  snow ! — snow  ! — snow !  not .  a  smite  of  noise,  only  my 
breathing  and  a  sort  of  pittinpattin  sound  of  my  heart !  I 
found  it  wouldn't  do  to  stand  still  as  the  scares  begin  to  crawl 


144  THE    NEW    PURCHASE. 

in  a  leetle,  and  so  off  I  sets  at  a  venture ;  for  the  cabin  must 
be,  says  I,  somewhere  near  :  and  sometimes  I  conceited  it  to  be 
ahead  of  me,  but  all  at  once  it  vanished  and  I  seed  it  was  only 
a  case  of  fantis-magery — and  that  I,  Tommy  Seymour,  was 

actially  lost ! " 

"  Yes !  Tommy,  and  I  couldn't  give  you  any  help  !" 
"  Nancy  !  child,  I  wouldn't  a  had  you  there  for  the  universal 
world." 

"  Well," — resumed  he — "  there  I  was  teetolly  lost !  I 
couldn't  stay  still — yet  what  use  to  walk  on  1  And  if  I  fired 
my  gun,  and  Nancy  heerd  it,  and  I  didn't  git  back,  mayhap 
she'd  think  the  Injins  had  killed  me,  and  then  she'd  come  out 
and  git  lost  too ! — and  with  that  idee,  thinks  I  may  be  she's  out 
now ! — and  then  I  gits  bodaciously  sker'd  and  hollows  agin  like 
the  very  old  Harry !  and  walks  and  runs  this  way  and  that  way 
— the  snow  blinding  my  eyes — but  all  was  of  no  use — I  was 
lost !  lost !  lost !  But  it  was  only  about  Nancy  here,  I  thought 
at  this  time  ; — and  I  dad,  if  I  didn't  ketch  myself  a  crying  like 
a  child, — and,  wished  to  be  lost  by  myself  without  her  corning 
out  in  such  a  storm  !" — We  here  stole  a  look  at  aunt  Nancy — I 
could  not  catch  her  eye  as  she  had  her  work-bag  over  her  face  : 
but  "  I  dad,"  as  uncle  Tommy  used  to  say,  if  we  didn't  feel  a 
leetle  tender  ourselves.  And  so,  generous  reader,  would  you 
have  felt,  hearing  the  tremulous  thrill  of  the  venerable  old 
man's  voice  and  seeing  his  eye  affectionately  turned  towards 
that  dear  old  lady  that  for  so  many  years  had  shared  his  wan- 
derings and  sorrows. — "  Well,  I  must  'a  become  crazy,  running 
round  and  hollowing  and  crying — and  all  of  no  use — when  all 
at  once  it  quit  snowing,  and  I  was  sperited  up,  hoping  the  sun 
would  shine  out  next,  and  I  could  take  a  course  for  Squattertown 
or  the  Injin  settlement.  But  it  kept  dark  and  cloudy  and  I 
begins  to  feel  weak  from  fatigue  and  hunger — albeit  I  warn't 
sker'd  on  that  pint,  as  I  had  ole  Bet  along — and  so  allowing  it 
was  about  one  o'clock,  I  determined  to  strike  the  Blue  Fox,  and 
keep  down  stream  to  the  settlement  on  its  bank  thirty  miles 
down.  Well,  off  I  sets  to  strike  the  river,  and  in  about  four 
mile  comes  to  a  little  pond  with  a  couple  of  duck  swimming 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  145 

about.  I  stopp'd  in  my  tracks — knock'd  out  damp  primin, — 
puts  in  fresh — and  slams  away  and  kills  one  duck ;  and  the 
other  flies  away.  And  I  gits  the  duck  to  land  by  pitching  sticks 
in,  but  not  wanting  to  lose  time,  I  kept  on  going  ;  and  so  picked 
off  the  feathers  and  sucked  a  little  of  it  raw,  till  it  'most  made 
me  sick,  and  I  thought  it  would  be  better  to  keep  and  cook  it  at 
night — which  was  now  coming  on  black  as  thunder.  Well,  it 
was  time  to  look  out  for  a  camp  ;  and  just  about  dark  I  came 
across  a  tree  what  had  been  twisted  off  by  a  harrikin,  and  was 
lodged  the  butt  ind  on  the  stump  ;  and  the  top  on  the  ground 
was  puttee  much  of  a  dry  brush  heap,  For  all  the  world ! 
there  never  was  sich  a  place ! — Providence  seem'd  to  have 
blow'd  it  down  jist  for  me  !  I  could  have  camp'd  there  a  week ! 
And  so  we  brushes  away  the  snow  and  makes  a  fire  in  the  top ! 
and  near  the  stump  under  the  trunk,  makes  a  comfortable  bed 
out  of  chunks  and  brush  wood  :  and  then  I  goes  to  the  fire  and 
sits  down  to  cook  my  duck. 

"  But,  I  dad,  if  I  could  help  thinking  about  our  cabin  and 
every  time  I  think  of  Nancy — I — ;  but  I  know'd  there  was  a 
divine  Providence  and  a  heavenly  Father — and  so  I  prayed,  and 
then  eat  one  half  of  my  duck,  keeping  the  other ;  as  game  was 
mighty  skerse  and  no  human  beings  was  in  that  direction  till  I 
struck  the  Blue  Fox.  And  then,  making  a  little  fire  near  my 
bed  for  my  feet,  and  kivering  my  powder-horn  with  a  handker- 
chief to  put  under  my  head  for  fear  of  damp  and  sparks,  I  raps 
up  in  the  ole  camlit,  and  laid  down,  and  was  soon  fast  asleep. 

"  Well,  after  a  while  I  gits  to  dreaming  I  was  lost  in  a  pra- 
raree,  and  that  the  grass  had  tuck  fire,  and  that  I  was  a  kind  of 
suffocated  and  scorch'd ; — and  I  dreamed  I  heerd  the  awful  roar- 
ing of  flames,  and  seen  a  burning  whirlwind  coming  towards 
me,  and  that  so  sker'd  me  that  I  woke  right  up-^and,  I  dad !  as 
I'm  a  livin  man !  if  the  woods  all  around  me  wasn't  as  light  as 
day  !  And  my  tree  was  all  a  living  blaze  and  burning  splinters 
was  tumlin  on  my  ole  camlit! — ay!  and  my  cotton  hankerchief 
round  my  powder-horn  was  jist  beginning  to  smoke  and  scorch  ! 
— I  dad !  my  friends  and  bruthrin" — here,  uncle  T.  insensibly 
glided  into  his  preaching  tone  and  manner — "  but  this  was  a 


146  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

most  murrakulous  dream  !  and  show'd  the  nature  of  Providence 
and  his  care — or  I'd  'a  soon  been  burnt  to  death  or  blow'd  up ! 
And  I  didn't  sleep  no  more — but  kneel'd  down  and  thank'd  God 
for  the  deliverance  ;  and  then  kept  sitting  near  the  fire  till  day, 
and  then  I  once  more  started  for  the  river. 

"  Howsomever-  to  make  a  long  story  short,  I  Balked  on  and 
on  the  live-long  blessed  day,  and  never  heerd  or  seen  a  living 
crittur  ;  and  I  never  came  to  any  river — but  at  night  I  comes  to 
a  log  that  had  been  chopp'd  off  and  this  give  me  courage.  And 
so  I  makes  a  fire,  and  eats  now  the  other  half  of  my  duck — for 
I  was  somehow  sartain  I'd  find  a  settlemint  in  the  morning. 
Well,  I  slept  the  second  night  along  side  this  log,  and  by  day- 
break I  jumps  up  and  feels  something  a  kind  of  moving  in  my 
old  camlit — and,  I  dad  !  if  it  wasn't  a  snake  what  the  fire  had 
smoked  out  of  the  log  and  what  had  crept  into  me  to  be  warm  ! 
But  I  only  shook  out  the  reptile  and  never  killed  him,  thinking 
only  of  some  settlemint — although  it  was  the  snake,  brother 
John  told  about,  that  made  me  think  of  my  adventure — for  the 
sarcum stance  of  the  chopp'd  log  satisfied  me,  some  was  near,  as 
it  was  no  tommyhawk  cut,  but  was  done  with  a  white  man's 
axe.  Well,  I  starts  off  puttee  considerable  peert  and  brisk, 
considerin  I  was  weak,  and,  all  at  once,  as  I'm  a  livin  man,  if  I 
didn't  hear  a  bark  !  And  so  I  stops  and  listens — and  there  was 
another — and  another — and  I  was  sartain  it  wasn't  no  fox  or 
wolf  but  a  dog — and  then,  I  dad  !  if  I  didn't  streak  off  that  way 
like  greased  lightnin  ! — and  begun  and  holler'd  and  fired ! — 
and  the  dog  bark'd  louder  and  louder,  and  kept  on  coming 
nearer  and  nearer  !  and  I  a  running  and  hollerin  till  all  at  once 
right  in  sight  of  me  was — a  human  cabin  !  If  I  live  a  thousand 
years — and  none  of  us,  my  bruthren,  will  live  half  that  long — . 
I'll  never  forget  that  moment — and  if  ever  I  thank'd  God  with 
a  rale  sinserity  heart,  'twas  then.  But  while  I  was  reconsider- 
ating  whose  settlemint  it  was,  for  things  looked  a  kind  of  fami- 
liar, the  dog  what  had  kept  on  barkin,  now  bust  out  of  the 
bushes,  a  yelpin  and  a  prancin  around  me ! — and  why,  do  you 
think? — because  the  poor  feller  had  found  his  lost  master — 
and  it  was  Nancy's  little  dog  Ruff!  And  would  you  believe 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  147 


it? — my  eyes  was  suddenly  opened  like  a  prophit's,  and  I  found 
I  was  on  my  own  trampin  ground,  and  the  cabin  was  ours ! — 
and  there  stood  my  dear  child  Nancy,  a  lookin  our  way  out  of 
the  cabin  door !  I  dad !  if  I  didn't  snatch  up  Ruff  and  kiss 
him  ! — and  the  poor  little  crittur — he's  dead  now ! — licked  my 
face  with  his  tongue  ! — and  in  that  way  I  run  over  to  Nancy." 
— Here  the  emotion  of  the  old  man  and  the  agitation  of  his 
wife  made  a  momentary  pause — it  was,  indeed,  as  solemn  as 
church. — "  Well,  after  all  was  explained  and  illusterated,  we 
kneel'd  down  and  thank'd  God  :  and  then  Nancy,  she  told  how 
she  thought  I  was  killed  and  then  maybe  only  lost,  till  she  was 
jist  goin  to  start  for  the  next  settlemint ;  and  if  I'd  a  come  ten 
minits  later,  she'd  been  off  after  help ! 

"  So,  that's  one  of  my  scrapes  ;  and  it  illusterates  the  filloso- 
fee  that  makes  a  man  keep  going  round  and  round  when  he's 
lost ;  for  albeit  I  must  a  walked  more  nor  fifty  mile  in  the  two 
days,  1  wasn't  never. over  seven  mile  from  the  cabin;  and  that's 
the  pond  where  the  duck  was  ; — and  when  I  come  back  agin,  I 
didn't  know  at  fust  my  own  cabin — nor  the  chopp'd  log,  though 
I'd  cut  down  the  tree  myself.  And " 

Here  dinner  was  fortunately  announced ;  for  nothing  else  then 
could  have  stopped  Uncle  Tommy — and  we  weddeners  had  a 
lucky  escape  from  a  long  sermon  on  Providence ;  for  Uncle 
Tommy  greatly  delighted  in  improvements,  and  "speretilizing" 
his  adventures,  and,  indeed,  all  other  matters,  and  usually  wound 
up  his  land-yarns  with  notes  and  practical  observations,  in  the 
manner  of  Henry  and  Scott. 

The  dinner-table  was  set  in  the  diagonal  of  the  room,  and 
could  accommodate  about  thirty  persons  ;  but  as  our  company 
was  twice  that  number,  we  were  "  to  eat  twice."  As  usual,  the 
new  married  persons  were  seated  at  one  end,  and  the  grooms- 
man and  bridesmaid  at  the  other :  and  then  were  seated  all  the 
married  men,  and  after  that  as  many  as  possible  of  the  married 
women  ;  preference  on  such  occasions  being  shown — according 
to  a  rule  of  Latin  Grammar — to  the  worthier  gender.  This  in- 
version of  the  matrimonial  chord  arises  mainly  from  the  fact, 
that  out  there  women  reserve  themselves  to  attend  to  the  table  j 


148  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

and,  therefore,  when  the  "  set  up"  is  ordered,  the  gentlemen  in- 
stantly seat  themselves  alongside,  and  partly  under  the  table. 
Sheepish  young  chaps  usually  hang  back,  however  hungry,  and 
say,  "  Oh,  there's  no  'casion !''  after  which  they  give  an  acquies- 
cing cough  or  two,  or  more  commonly  go  to  the  door,  and  give 
a  twang  with  the  nose  and  finger  instrument,  and  then  drop,  as 
if  shot,  down  into  a  seat,  jerking  the  seat  under  the  table,  till 
the  mouth  comes  to  its  level,  and  is  thus  fixed  for  convenient 
feeding. 

All  Glenville  had  a  seat  at  the  first  table;  except  John  Glen- 
ville,  who,  partly  out  of  policy,  but  much  more  out  of  true  and 
gentlemanly  feeling,  preferred  coming  with  the  young  people  to 
the  second  table.  And  when  the  company  were  fixed — and 
fixed  it  was  till  one  could  barely  stir  a  hand  or  foot — Uncle 
Tommy  "  asked  a  blessing  ;"  when  he  made  amends  for  a  long 
story  by  a  very  short  prayer.  But  even  in  that  prayer,  which 
certainly  lasted  no  longer  than  two  minutes,  he  contrived, 
among  other  things,  to  ask  a  blessing  on  the  young  folks,  pray- 
ing especially,  "  for  them  as  had  jist  been  married,  according  to 
the  divine  appointment  in  the  garden  of  Eden,  that  they  might, 
both  of  them,  live  to  a  good  old  age,  and  be  fruitful  and  multi- 
ply, and  replenish  the  earth,  and  see  their  children's  children  to 
the  third  and  fourth  generation,  and  that  other  young  folks 
present  might  soon  settle  and  have  families,  and  become  an 
honour  and  a  blessin'  in  their  day  and  gineration." 

Many  young  gentlemen  of  "  the  second  table"  waited  on  us 
of  "the  first  table,"  and  among  them  John  Glenville  : — and  this 
was  taken  so  kindly,  that  before  we  went  home  declarations  were 
heard  about  "taking  him  up  for  the  legislature,  fall  come  a 
year" — a  hint  not  lost  on  us,  and  of  which  more  hereafter.  I 
am  sorry  the  reader  can  only  taste  our  goodies  in  imagination  ; 
and  yet  are  we  cruel  enough  to  let  him  see  what  he  lost. 

And  first,  notice,  all  eatables,  from  "  the  egg  to  the  apple," 
were  on  our  table  at  once.  Thus  a  single  glance  disclosed  what 
amount  of  labour  was  expected  : — our  whole  work  was  there, 
and  no  other  jobs  of  eating  by  way  of  appendix.  Nor  were 
we  plagued  with  changing  knives,  whipping  on  and  away  of 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  149 

plates,  and  brushing  or  removing  cloths  ;  no,  no,  we  kept  right 
dead  ahead  with  the  work  from  the  start  to  the  finish ;  the  sole 
labour  of  the  attendants  being  to  keep  the  plates  "chuckfull"  of 
something,  and  ours,  to  eat !  eat !  eat ! 

The  dishes  next.  First,  then,  and  middlemost,  an  enormous 
pot-pie,  and  piping  hot,  graced  our  centre,  overpowering,  with 
its  fragrance  and  steam,  the  odours  and  vapours  of  all  other 
meats  :  and  pot-pie  was  the  wedding  dish  of  our  Purchase,  par 
excellence  !  The  pie  to-day  was  the  doughy  sepulchre  of  at  least 
six  hens,  two  chanticleers,  and  four  pullets,  if  it  be  logical  to 
reason  upward  from  legs  and  wings  to  bodies  !  What  pot  could 
have  contained  the  pie  is  inconceivable,  unless  the  one  used  for 
"  tarrifying  the  barr."  Why,  among  other  unknown  contribu- 
tions, it  must  have  received  one  half  peck  of  onions!  And  yet 
it  is  to  be  feared  that  they  who  came  after  us  were  pot-pi  eless  ; 
for  pot-pie  is  the  favourite,  and  woodsmen  sharp  set  are  most 
awful  eaters. 

Around  the  pie  were  wild  turkeys — tame  enough  now — with 
wonderful  necks  stretched  out  in  search  of  their  heads,  and  stu- 
pendous limbs  and  wings  ready  for  flight,  the  instant  the  head 
should  be  discovered  or  heard  from  !  The  poor  birds,  however, 
were  so  done,  over  and  under  too,  that  all  native  juices  were 
evaporated,  and  the  flesh  was  as  dry  as  cork  :  but  by  way  of 
amends,  quarts  of  gravy  were  judiciously  emptied  on  our  plates 
from  the  wash-basin-bowls.  That  also  moistened  the  "  stufF'nin," 
composed  of  Indian  meal  and  sausages. 

These  two  were  the  grand  dishes  :  but  sprinkled  and  scattered 
about  were  plates  of  fried  venison,  fried  turkey,  fried  chicken, 
fried  duck,  fried  pork,  and,  for  any  thing  I  could  know,  even 
fried  leather ;  for,  so  complete  and  impartial  the  frying,  that 
distinctive  tastes  were  obliterated,  and  it  could  only  be  guessed, 
by  the  shape,  size,  legs,  etc.,  which  was  what,  and  the  con- 
trary. 

But  who  can  tell  of  the  "  sasses  ?"  for  we  had  "  biled  peta- 
turs" — and  "  smashed  petaturs  !" — and  "  petatursis !"  i.  e.,  pota- 
toes rolled  into  balls  as  big  as  marbles,  and  baked  brown.  And 
there  were  "  bil'd  ingins  !" — "  fried  ingins  !" — and  "  ingins  out 


150  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

of  this  here  pie  !"  Yes,  and  beets  of  all  known  colours  and  un- 
known tastes  ! — all  pickled  in  salt  and  vinegar,  and  something 
else !  And  there  were  pickled  cucumbers,  as  far  as  salt  and 
water  could  go  ;  and  "  punkun-butter !" — and  "  punkun-jelle !" — 
and  corn  bread  in  all  its  glory  ! 

Scientifically  inserted  and  insinuated  among  the  first  course, 
was  the  second  ;  every  crevice  and  space  being  wedged  up  :  and 
had  the  plates  and  saucers  been  like  puzzle-maps,  no  table-cloth 
would  have  been  visible  through  the  interstices.  And  fortunate ! 
the  table  itself  was  strong  and  masculine :  otherwise  it  must 
have  been  crushed  under  the  combined  weight  of  elbows  and 
dishes  !  This  second  course  was  chiefly  custard  ;  and  that  stood 
in  bowls  and  teacups  of  cadaverous  white,  encircled  by  unknown 
flowers.  A  pitcher  of  milk  was  gracefully  adorned  by  the 
artist  with  the  pattern  of  an  entrail,  taken,  doubtless,  out  of 
some  school  book  on  physiology.  But  we  had  also  custard- 
pies  !  and  made  with  both  upper  and  under  crusts !  And  also 
maple  molasses — usually  called  "  them  'ere  molassisis" — and 
preserved  apples,  preserved  water-melon  rinds,  and  preserved 
red  peppers  and  tomatoes — all  termed,  for  brevity's  sake — like 
words  in  Webster's  Dictionary — "'sarves." 

A  few  under  crusts,  or  shells,  were  filled  with  stewed  peaches 
and  apples — an  idea  borrowed  by  Susan  from  Glenville  :  but  so 
much  was  this  like  conformity  to  the  pomps  and  vanities  of  life, 
that  the  careful  mother  had  that  very  morning  rebuked  her 
daughter,  and  earnestly  advised  her  not  "  to  take  to  quality 
ways,  but  naterally  bake  pies  with  uppermost  crusts's."  And 
yet  Mrs.  Ashford  soon  got  over  her  miff;  and,  won  by  the 
marked  and  uncondescending  attention  paid  to  her  daughter 
and  her  daughter's  husband  by  us,  she  was  heard  not  long  after 
the  rebuke  to  say — "  Well,  arter  all,  they're  a  right  down  clever 
sort  of  folks,  and  that  'are  Mr.  Carltin  is  naterally  adicted  to 
fun." 

Among  the  curiosities  were  the  pound  cakes,  as  numerous  as 
apple  dumplings,  and  about  as  large.  These  were  compounded 
of  some  things  found  in  pound  cakes  every  where,  and  of  some 
not  found,  maple  sugar  being,  evidently,  from  the  taste,  the 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  151 

master  ingredient ;  but  their  shape — that  was  the  beauty !  All 
M'ere  baked  in  coffee-cups !  and  after  being  disencupped,  each 
was  iced  all  over,  till  it  looked,  for  all  the  world,  exactly  like 
an  ill-made  snow  ball !  The  icing,  or  snowing,  was  a  composi- 
tion of  egg,  starch,  and  a  species  of  double  rectified  maple  sugar, 
as  fine  and  white  as  table  salt. 

In  addition  to  all  these  matters  tea  and  coffee  were  severally 
handed,  while  the  girls  in  attendance  asked  each  guest — "  Do 
you  take  sweet'nin1?"  If  the  reply  was  affirmative  the  same 
sized  spoonful  was  put  into  every  sized  cup  ;  and  then,  to  save 
you  the  trouble,  the  young  lady  stirred  the  beverage  with  her 
own  fair  hand,  and  with  as  much  energy  and  good  will  as  if  she 
was  mixing  molasses  and  water. 

Now,  we  do  hope  no  reader  will  think  we  of  Glenville  turned 
up  our  noses  at  all  this.  No,  no,  verily  ;  but  we  eat  as  much 
and  as  long,  laughing,  talking,  joking  all  the  time  too,  as  if  native 
born.  As  for  Mr.  Carlton,  he  stuck  mainly  to  pot-pie,  the 
marbled  potatoes,  the  custard,  and  the  maple  molasses ;  which 
last,  by  the  way,  is  indeed  as  superior  to  all  far  east  and  dowrn 
east  molasses  and  syrups  as  cheese  is  to  chalk. 

The  eventful  day  was,  however,  now  closing,  and  some  had 
already  taken  French  leave,  while  many  were  rigging  their 
horses  for  departure  :  hence  we  also  began  assembling  our 
party  to  go  homeward.  But  at  the  request  of  some  young  fel- 
lows, who  offered  to  catch  Dick  and  see  the  "  gals  "  home,  we 
left  our  helps  to  have  some  fun  after  the  graver  people  should 
be  gone  away.  About  a  dozen  volunteer  groomsmen  and  brides- 
maids remained  "  to  see  it  out ;"  viz.,  to  torment  Susan  and 
Joseph  :  but  Mrs.  Ashford,  a  very  watchful  and  discreet  woman, 
told  us  afterwards,  she  "took  care  to  stop  all  goins  on,  and 
made  ev'ry  livin  soul  and  body  of  'em  go  to  bed  an  hour  before 
herself  and  her  old  man  went." 

A  different  but  no  less  effectual  preventive  was  used  by  an- 
other new-married  couple  in  the  Purchase,  where  we  had  the 
honour  of  an  invitation.  The  loft  had  been  assigned  as  the 
bridal  chamber,  the  sole  access  to  which  was  a  light  ladder; 
and  up  this  some  of  the  "  weddeners  "  intended  to  steal  and  up- 


152  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

set  the  bed  of  the  sleepers — but,  alas  !  for  the  fun  ! — the  groom, 
in  anticipation  of  the  favour, 

Had  drawn  up  the  ladder  ! 


CHAPTER   XX. 

"  Parva  leves  capitant  animos." 

"  Various,  that  the  mind  of  desultory  man." 

THE  ladies  of  Gienville,  in  addition  to  various  other  matters, 
paid  special  attention  in  the  winter  to  needle-work,  also  to  read- 
ing :  and,  not  a  little  in  longing  after  the  flesh-pots  of  Egypt ! 
And  yet  there  was  much  in  the  wild  and  rough  wilderness  ; — 
much  in  the  men  and  women  of  the  woods,  so  in  contrast  with 
the  culture  of  the  city,  that  when  the  novelty  passed,  and  we 
had  time  to  reflect  how  in  our  day  the  neighbours  could  never 
be  like  us,  nor  we  like  them — how  we  were  tolerated,  rather 
than  cherished — and  were  far  away  from  sympathy — it  was 
then  we  awoke  to  a  sad  and  bitter  remembrance  of  the  past — 
yes,  and  that  past  in  no  way,  to  some  of  us,  ever  to  be  restored, 
to  be  revisited  !  In  the  far  east  were  the  graves  of  their  fathers  ! 
— the  graves  of  mine,  I  cannot  find — for  the  Seymours  were 
ancient,  and  in  their  clay  men  of  substance  and  renown.  And 
Indians  are  not  the  only  ones  that  love  to  linger  among  the 
graves  of  their  fathers :  not  the  only  wanderers  that  see  in 
vision  the  swelling  mounds  over  their  dead,  and  see,  with  melt- 
ing hearts  and  dimming  eyes  !  Mournful  world  !  before  we  left 
the  woods,  graves  of  ours  had  consecrated  two  lonely  spots  in 
the  wilds,  and  our  dust  was  commingling  with  the  dust  of  the 
red  men :  so  that  lonely  now  amid  the  graves  in  the  east,  we 
here  sigh  and  weep  for  the  graves  in  those  western  solitudes ! 
****** 

As  for  myself,  this  winter,  I  made  the  closet  for  Carlton's 
study,  and  the  one  in  Bishop  Hilsbury's  cabin ;  also  two  shut- 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE  153 

ties  for  the  loom,  one  too  light,  however,  the  other,  too  heavy : 
and  I  aided  in  putting  in  and  taking  out  "  a  piece,"  becoming 
thus  adept  in  the  mysteries  of  woof  and  warp,  of  hanks,  reels, 
and  cuts.  I  mended,  likewise,  water  sleds,  hunted  turkeys, 
missed  killing  two  deer  for  want  of  a  rifle,  played  the  flute, 
practised  the  fiddle,  and  ever  so  many  other  things.  But  my 
grand  employment  was  a  review  of  all  my  college  studies;  and 
hence,  I  was  the  very  first  man  since  the  creation  of  the  world 
that  read  Greek  in  the  New  Purchase  !  And  it  was  I  that  first 
made  the  apostles  talk  out  there  in  their  own  language !  that 
first  made  the  primal  woods  resonant  with 

"  Tyture  tu  patulae  recubans  sub  tegmine  fagi!" 

or  thunder  with  Demosthenes  !  that  first  addressed  the  revere- 
ful  trees  in  the  majestic  words  of  Plato — words  that  Jupiter 
himself  would  have  used  for  the  same  purpose  !  aye,  that  first 
taught  those  listening  trees  the  names  of  the  Hebrew  and  Chal- 
daic  alphabets,  or  made  them  roar  like  the  sea  with  the 
poluphlosboio  thalasses !  And,  hence,  from  the  renown  of  all 
this,  I  was  finally  made  a  trustee  of  the  State  College  at  Wood- 
ville ;  which  appointment  afterwards  brought  me  into  contact 
with  some  adventures,  to  be  narrated  in  their  proper  place. 
The  appointment,  however,  was  not  given  till  Mr.  J.  Glenville 
took  his  seat  in  our  legislature  in  182-. 

Our  evenings  were  devoted  to  cracking  nuts  and  jokes, 
visiting  uncle  Tommy,  and  Bishop  H.,  to  planning,  to  hearing 
adventures,  or  reading  aloud;  but,  as  it  was  not  possible  to 
have  a  centre- table,  the  grand  family  lamp  was  suspended  in  the 
centre  of  the  parlour ;  and  then  around  this  we  either  all  sat  as 
an  Iceland  family,  or  raising  the  carpet-barriers,  we  lolled  on 
the  nearest  beds  in  couch  and  sofa,  and  ottoman  style. 

The  lamp  in  its  primitive  times  was  a  patty-pan ;  but  having 
spent  its  youth  in  different  sorts  of  hot  ovens,  its  tin  had  en- 
tirely shone  out,  and  nothing  remained  save  the  oxydated  iron ; 
yet  to  this  it  owed  its  present  elevated  station  in  Glenville — 
humility  before  exaltation !  In  the  edges  were  three  holes 
punched  with  a  tenpenny  nail,  and  into  these  were  put  and 
7* 


154  x     THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

fastened  three  several  wires,  which,  united  eighteen  inches  above 
the  patty-pan,  were  joined  by  a  strong  twine,  tied  to  a  hook  in 
a  pole  :  and  then  the  whole  affair,  when  released  from  the  hand, 
could,  and  did  swing  with  a  very  regular  irregularity  over  the 
middle  parlour.  The  illuminator  filled  with  lard  or  bear's  oil, 
and  supplied  with  a  piece  of  cloth  for  wick,  was  touched  with 
flame  from  a  burning  brand ;  and  then  away  it  blazed  in  glory, 
filling  all  things,  even  eyes  and  noses,  with  light  and  soot ! 
But  we  soon  got  used  to  suffocation ;  and  many  were  our 
pleasant  nights  around  the  pendulum  lamp,  spite  of  inconveni- 
ences within,  and  the  cries  of  prowling  beasts  without,  or  the 
demon-like  shrieks  and  howls  of  wintry  tempests !  Calm  con- 
sciences in  rude  and  lone  huts  bid  defiance  to  most  evils  and 
dangers  !  Besides,  who  has  not  known  the  delight  of  lying  in 
bed  under  an  unceiled  roof  and  of  being  lulled  to  slumber  by 
the  music  of  a  pattering  rain  !  So  our  delight  arose  often  from 
a  sense  of  entire  security  :  and  the  dangers  and  evils  of  the 
dark  and  howling  wilderness  so  near ! — separated  by  a  slight 
barrier  ! 

During  the  day,  this  winter,  I  took  lessons  in  axecraft;  for, 
in  addition  to  the  "  niggering-off,"  it  became  necessary  as  the 
cold  increased,  to  chop  off  logs,  especially  as  our  fire-place  de- 
voured wood  at  the  rate  of  half-a-cord  per  diem.  Niggering 
belongs  mainly  to  very  large  timber,  and  pertains  rather  to  the 
science  of  log-rolling  than  of  preparing  fuel ;  but  chopping  is 
essential  to  nearly  every  branch  of  a  woodsman's  life,  and 
must  be  learned  by  all  who  aspire  to  respectability  and  inde- 
pendence. 

Awkward,  indeed,  were  my  first  essays,  and  my  strength, 
inartificially  bestowed  on  every  blow,  was  soon  exhausted  ;  but 
when  we  had  "  larned  the  sling  o'  the  axe,"  then  could  we  as 
easily  execute  a  cord  a  day,  as  at  first  the  fourth  of  the 
measure. 

But  oh !  the  way  Tom  Robison  could  flourish  the  axe !  And 
proud  am  I  to  call  Tom  my  master ;  indeed,  all  Glenville  were 
indebted  to  his  lessons.  Tom  was  a  fellow  of  gigantic  pro- 
portions, longer  than  six  feet  three  inches,  and  with  enormous 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  155 

width  of  breast — about  "the  girth"  like  a  columnar  beech. 
He  had  also  legs  and  arms  to  match.  His  face  was  as  mild  as 
a  full  moon's,  and  nearly  as  big ;  and  in  temper  he  was  as  good- 
natured  and  harmless  as  a  chubby  baby  !  Tom  rarely  bragged  ; 
although  he  could  shoot  well,  drive  wagon  well,  ride  horses  wild 
and  tame,  and  walk  as  fast  and  nearly  as  far  as  an  elephant : 
still  he  would  boast  a  little  about  his  chopping,  being  indeed  as 
an  axeman,  the  envy  and  admiration  of  all  that  part  of  the 
Purchase.  Oh !  I  do  wish  we  could  paint  Tom's  smile  of  be- 
nevolent scorn  as  he  took  the  axe  from  my  awkward  hands  to 
"  larn  me  the  sling !"  and  saw  me  puffing  at  every  ineffectual 
blow,  striking  every  time  in  a  new  place,  till  a  little  weak 
amorphous  chip  was  at  long  last  haggled  out  with  hashed  edges 
— it  was  really  sublime ! 

"  Jeest*  do  it  so  like  Mr.  Carlton — a  sort  a  hold  your  left 
hand  here,  allowin  jou're  goin  to  strike  right  hand  licks ;  and 
your  tother  hand  so  fashin,  a  toward  the  helf — but  a  sort  a 
loose :  then  swing  the  axe  out  so,  lettin  the  loose  hand  run  up 
agin  tother  this  away" — and  here  Tom's  axe  finished  the  sen- 
tence or  speech  by  gleaming  down  and  burying  itself  nearly  to 
its  back  in  the  log :  but  next  instant  it  was  again  quivering  in 
the  air,  and  changing  its  direction  was  gleaming  and  burying 
itself  as  at  first,  till  out  leaped  elastic  chips  light  as  a  feather, 
although  these  chips  were  twelve  inches  long,  and  two  thick ! 
And  then  the  log  would  show  two  inclined  planes  as  if  wrought 
with  a  chisel ! — and  all  the  time  Tom  talking  and  laughing 
away,  like  a  fellow  whittling  poplar  with  a  dirk  knife !  Oh !  it 
was  really  delicious  to  see  such  cutting ;  and  it  was  surprising 
any  body  should  call  wood-chopping  hard  work — it  was  nothing 
but  cutting  butter  with  a  hot  knife. 

Reader,  Tom  had  actually  done  in  axery,  what  Horace  pro- 
nounces in  writing,  the  perfection  of  the  art,  viz.,  ravishing  and 
yet  beguiling  the  reader  into  an  opinion  that  he  can  write  as 
well.  Tom  therefore  was  a  master.  In  short,  Tom  could  cut 


*  Jist  becomes  jeest,  and  little,  leetle  out  there,  when  tenderness  and  affection  or 
dimunition,  etc.,  is  to  be  designated. 


156  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

wood  like  lightning ;  and  whilst  some  things  can  be  done  before 
a  fluent  tongue — female  of*eourse — can  say  Jack  Robison,  we 
defy  any  body  to  do  the  same  things  before  Tom  Robison  could 
chop  a  stick  oft'! 

We  shall  now  describe  our  firemaking,  not  indeed  to  be 
imitated  in  here  to  the  utter  ruin  of  all  moderate  fortunes, 
but  to  show  the  grand  scale  on  which  we  do  even  small  matters 
out  there. 

The  foundation  of  our  fire  was  laid  every  day  very  early  and 
required  all  hands.  We  men — hem  !  we  men  rose  before  sun- 
up ;  and  then  uncle  John  hauled  out  the  relics  of  yesterday's 
fire — coals  plenty  and  lively — the  unconsumed  centre  of  the 
back-log  and  chunks  of  foresticks;  while  Glenville  and  Carl  ton 
issued  forth  to  select  a  new  back-log.  This  was  usually  of 
beech,  the  greener  the  better,  and  about  seven  feet  long  and 
two  in  diameter.  It  was  rolled  to  the  door  with  handspikes; 
where,  with  the  aid  of  uncle  John,  it  was  next  rolled,  lifted, 
pushed  and  coaxed  into  the  centre  of  the  parlour:  and  here 
we  rested  and  blowed,  uttering  between  the  puffs — "  plaguey 
heavy  !"  "  a'most  too  long !"  and  the  like.  But  directly,  with 
a  few  united  efforts  the  back-log  was  rolling  and  crushing  over 
the  coals  and  soon  lodged  with  a  thundering  noise  in  its  bed  of 
hot  ashes,  and  against  the  stone  back  of  the  inner  chimney;  we, 
during  this  process,  alternately  lifting  our  scorched  shins,  and 
then  at  the  noise  of  the  thunder,  nimbly  leaping  back  and  rub- 
bing them ;  till  we  could  nearly  have  ventured  at  last  to  try  the 
ordeal  of  the  burning  plowshares.  The  log  was  now  covered 
with  ashes  to  prevent  too  rapid  a  consumption ;  and  then  two 
delicate  pig  irons  were  pushed  by  a  stick  into  proper  position, 
being  always,  any  time  in  the  winter,  too  hot  to  be  touched 
with  the  hand  or  even  kicked  with  the  foot.  In  case  a  cabin 
has  opposite  doors,  much  labour  and  many  sprains  may  be 
saved  and  avoided,  by  tackling  a  horse  to  an  end  of  the  back- 
log and  hauling  it  into  the  cabin ;  it  is,  however,  rather  a 
slovenly  practice,  and  used  mostly  by  women  in  the  absence 
of  the  men. 

Next  in  order  were  the  second-story  back-log,  and  the  fore 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  157 

stick — equal  in  length,  but  different  in  diameter  and  material : 
the  former  being  of  beech  and  one  foot  thick,  the  latter  of  sugar 
tree  and  about  eight  inches  thick.  Each  is  often  carried  by  two 
persons ;  but  still  oftener  each  is  hipped.  And  hipping  is  done 
by  one  man  who  has  some  strength  and  more  dexterity ;  who 
adroitly  whips  up  the  log  on  his  hip,  and  trots  off  with  it  like 
the  youngest  quill-driver  of  a  shop  will  do  with  Miss  Trouble- 
some's  small  bundle  of  silk  under  his  arm.  These  timbers  are 
also  frequently  shouldered — but  I  regret  to  say  that  a  certain 
friend  of  ours  when  his  turn  came,  used  to  roll  his  stick  as  far 
as  the  door,  and  then  hitch  it.  Hitching  is  performed  by  get- 
ting the  article  on  an  end — no  odds  which — and  then  working  it 
along  by  alternate  corners :  an  operation  that  impressed  on  our 
puncheons  numerous  indented  mementos  of  our  friend's  lazy 
ingenuity. 

Meanwhile  uncle  John  carried  in  brush  enough  to  make  a 
Jersey  load  of  oven  faggots ;  and  the  girl,  baskets  full  of  all 
sized  chips,  from  the  Tommyrobison  kind  down  to  the  Carl  ton 
sort ;  and  so  when  the  upper  back-log  and  fore  stick  had  been 
arranged,  there  were  present  all  the  kindling  and  burning  mate- 
rials. An  infant  sapling,  some  three  inches  thick,  lay  between 
the  back  log  proper  and  the  fore-stick,  forming  thus  a  chasm  for 
a  bushel  of  burning  coals ;  while  other  coals  remained  under  and 
above  the  pile ;  and  then  across  the  upper  coals  were  placed 
bits  of  small  trees  intermingled  with  hot  chunks  and  cold  chips, 
the  whole  being  capped  and  climacterized  with  a  brush  heap. 

Now  issued,  first,  volumes  of  smoke,  then  a  spiteful  snap  or 
two,  becoming  soon,  however,  a  loud  and  decided  crackling ; 
and  then  appeared  several  fierce  curly  blazes,  white,  red,  and 
blue,  verifying  the  vulgar  saying  about  smoke  and  fire ;  till  the 
temperature  of  things  getting  to  the  scientific  point — out  burst 
simultaneously  from  all  parts  of  the  structure  a  wide,  pure, 
living,  roaring  flame  chasing  soot-clouds  up  the  stick-chimney, 
dispersing  fire-builders  as  far  as  the  carpet  barrier,  and  lighting 
the  interior  cabin  with  the  blaze  of  a  volcano ! 

Combustion — hem! — was  supported  during  the  day  on  the 
most  philosophic  principles:  by  supplying  fuel;  not  a  small 


158  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

bladder  of  gas  ;  not  even  an  old-fashioned  Philadelphia  iron 
fore  stick  and  stone  black  log ;  but  real  backwoods'  fuel,  chips, 
brush,  bits  of  saplings  and  miniature  timber.  The  fire  was 
constructed  regularly  once  only  in  twenty-four  hours ;  although 
some  back  logs  will  last  nearly  twice  that  period. 

Each  firemaker  had  a  pair  of  green  timber  an  inch  thick  and 
six  feet  long ;  hence  two  persons  lifting  or  poking  in  concert 
were  equivalent  to  a  long  of  tongs.  Usually  we  operated  with 
only  one  tong ;  but  by  dexterity  all  can  be  accomplished  with 
that  one,  that  in  here  is  commonly  done  with  "  tongses"  and 
shovel  to  boot.  True,  our  practice  was  incessant;  since  no 
man,  woman,  or  child  in  the  Purchase  ever  stood,  sat,  or  lay 
near  a  fire  without  poking  at  it !  Hence  my  determined  and 
ineradicable  hostility  to  a  fire  of  coal,  bituminous  or  anthracite 
— the  thing  won't  be  poked!  And  what's  a  fire  for,  if  it  aint  to 
be  poked  ?  Our  young  woman  now,  in  here,  keeps  everything 
in  the  shape  of  poker,  and  scraper,"  and  tong,  single  or  double, 
out  of  my  way  ;  and,  when  the  grate  or  stove  needs  a  little  tus- 
sling, in  comes  she  with  some  iron  article  or  other :  but  always 
on  going  out  takes  the  article  with  her — "for  fear  Mr.  Carlton 
will  spile  her  fire  !" 

Bah ! — don't  lecture  me  about  furnaces  and  flues,  and  patent 
grates  and  ranges,  and  no-burns  and  all-saves,  of  this  pitiful  age ! 
Give  me  my  all-burn  and  no-save  fire  of  beech  and  sugar  and 
chip  and  brush — hand  back  my  tong — let  me  poke  once  more  ! 
Oh !  let  me  hear  and  see  once  more  before  I  die  a  glorious 
flame  roaring  up  a  stick-chimney  !  There  let  me,  on  this  cele- 
brated cold  Thursday,  thermometer  two  and  a  half  inches  below 
zero,  there  let  me  stand  by  my  cabin  fire  and  be  heated  once 
more  through  and  through  !  Oh !  the  luxury  of  lying  in  bed 
and  looking  from  behind  our  Scotch  wall  on  that  fire ! 

Oh  !  ye  poor  frozen,  starving  wretches  of  our  blind  and  hor- 
rible alleys,  and  dark  and  loathsome  cellars ;  ye,  I  now  see 
buying  twopenneth  of  huckstered  sticks  to  heat  your  water 
gruel  for  one  more  mouthful  before  ye  die ;  ye,  that  are  shiver- 
ing in  rags,  begging  of  that  red-faced  carter  in  the  pea-jacket  a 
small,  knotty,  four-foot-stick  of  sour,  sappy  scrub  oak  just  fallen 


THE    NEW    PURCHASE.  159 

from  his  cart,  to  hear  it  sob,  sob,  on  the  foodless  hearth  of  your 
dungeon-like  holes— away !  for  life's  sake,  if  you  starve  not 
before,  away  !  next  summer  to  the  woods ! 

Go;  squat  on  Congress  land!  Go!  find  corn  and  pork 
and  turkeys  and  squirrels  and  opossums  and  deer  to  eat !  Go ; 
and  in  the  cold,  cold,  cruel  winter  like  to-day,  you  shall  sit  and 
lie  and  warm  you  by  such  a  fire !  Go  ;  squalid  slaves !  beg  an 
axe — put  out — make  tracks  for  the  tall  timber — Go;  taste  what 
it  is  to  be  free  !  Away  ! — run  ! — leap  ! — and  shout — 

"  Hurra w — aw !  the  ranges  for — ever ! !" 


CHAPTER   XXI. 

"Thy  hounds  shall  make  the  welkin  answer  them, 
And  fetch  shrill  echoes  from  the  hollow  earth." 

WE  had  this  year  a  very  merry  Christmas.  For  first  and 
foremost  we  devoted  the  holidays  to — hog-killing  and  all  its 
accompaniments,  lard  rendering,  spare-rib  cooking,  sausage 
making,  and  the  like.  And  secondly,  our  cow  Sukey  performed 
a  very  wonderful  thing  in  the  eating  and  drinking  line:  she 
devoured  a  whole  sugar-trough  full  of  mast-fed  rendered  lard  ! 
The  blame,  at  first,  attached  to  Dick ;  but  he  could  clearly 
prove  an  alibi ;  and  besides  Sukey  had  very  greasy  chops,  and 
got  horrid  sick,  as  much  so  as  she  had  swallowed  a  box  of 
Quackenborg's  pills  :  and  when  she  did  again  let  us  have  milk 
it  was  actually  oily  !  And  then,  thirdly,  there  was  aunt  Kitty's 
mishap  about  the  sausages. 

Aunt  Kitty  was  intended  by  nature  for  a  dear  delightful  old 
maid ;  and  she  greatly  mistook  her  vocation  by  marrying,  al- 
though nothing  but  her  being  a  great  favourite  with  the  beaux 
of  the  last  century  hindered  the  fulfilment  of  her  destiny.  She 
was  the  most  amiable  and  kind-hearted  woman — but  a  leetle 
too  modest ;  so  that,  in  her  circumlocutions  and  paraphrases  to 
get  round  the  tough  places  of  plain  English,  she  often  made  us 


1GO  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

uneasy  lest  she  stump ;  or,  perhaps  light  on  some  unlucky  word 
or  phrase  worse  than  the  one  she  shyed  at.  She  denominated 
the  chanticleer,  chickbiddie — or,  he-bidde — or,  old  rooster;  and 
the  braying  gentleman  she  styled — donkey;  although  she  would 
venture  as  far  as — Jack.  Ancle,  with  her,  was  any  part  from 
the  knee  downward,  and  limbs  were  of  course,  her  what-y' 
callums,  and  she  milked  the  cow's  dugs,  and  greased,  not  her 
bag,  but  her — udder. 

Well,  Aunt  Kitty  called  things  prepared  for  the  reception 
of  sausages,  skins  ;  and  so  this  Christmas  having  prepared  the 
skins  by  the  scraping  process,  she  laid  them  away  in  salt  and 
water  till  the  stuffing  was  to  take  place ;  but  when  the  hour  for 
that  curious  metamorphose  of  putting  swine  into  their  own  skins 
came,  behold  !  the  skins  could  not  be  found — 

"  What !  had  Dick  devoured  them  ?" 

Oh !  no — the  girl  had  accidentally  thrown  them  all  away. 
And  this,  indeed,  was  too  bad ;  and  no  housekeeper  can  blame 
Aunt  Kitty  for  being  greatly  provoked :  but,  alas !  for  delica- 
cies, anger  permitted  no  choice  of  words  : — and  by  that  it  may 
be  seen  how  angry  Aunt  Kitty  was ;  for  on  learning  the  cause 
and  manner  of  the  irreparable  loss  she  exclaimed  :  — 

"  Why,  you  careless — you  !  Have  you  really  gone  and 
thrown  out  all  my  g — ts  !  that  I  was  keeping  for  skins  ! !" 

Fourthly,  we  had  a  deer  hunt,  not  only  somewhat  remark- 
able in  itself,  but  memorable  for  the  change  it  caused  in  the  re- 
lations of  Brutus  and  Csesar — the  dogs  of  Glenville.  Of  these, 
Brutus  was  the  elder,  and  hence,  though  smaller  and  weaker,  he 
managed  to  govern  Csesar  :  proof  that  among  brutes .  opinion 
has  much  to  do  with  mastership  and  reverence.  An  intimate 
acquaintance  with  old  Dick  and  the  two  canine  gentlemen  has 
unsettled  my  early  theories  about  instinct  and  reason :  and  as 
to  the  first  named  worthy,  the  theory  that  the  power  of  laugh- 
ing is  distinctive  of  human  beings  must  be  received  with  limi- 
tation ;  for  Dick,  if  he  never  indulged  in  a  rude  boisterous  horse- 
laugh, could  and  did  most  decidedly  and  repeatedly  grin — and 
that  is  all  some  very  sober  and  sensible  persons  ever  attain  to. 

As  to  the  others,  Brutus  had  possession  of  the  premises  before 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  161 

Caesar  was  even  a  whelp ;  and  though  only  Caesar's  foster-sire, 
he  had  trained  him  in  his  puppy  hood  in  all  the  arts  of  doggery ; 
showing  him  how  to  worry  infant  pigs,  then  saucy  shoats,  and 
finally  true  hogs,  and  without  regard  of  size  or  sex.  He  taught 
him  how  to  chase  poultry,  and  suck  eggs ;  how  to  hang  at  a 
cow's  tail  and  yet  avoid  both  horn  and  heel ;  how  to  hunt  squir- 
rels, opossums,  and  racoons ;  and  how  even  to  shake  a  veno- 
mous snake  to  death  and  not  be  bit.  And  to  his  indefatigable 
care  and  example  was  owing  the  loss  of  our  original  bacon-skin 
hinges,  and  the  ruin  of  sundry  raw  hides. 

But  when  the  cold  meat,  or  potatoes,  or  buttermilk,  etc.,  was 
set  out  in  the  dogs'  sugar-trough,  how  instructive  the  dignity  of 
Brutus  as  he  walked  up  solus,  and  with  no  ravenous  and  indeli- 
cate haste,  to  eat  his  fill !  And  how  revereful  the  mammoth 
and  lubberly  Caesar,  standing  at  a  distance  till  his  step-father 
had  finished  and  retired !  Caesar,  when  very  hungry  or  smell- 
ing something  extra,  would  indeed  crawl  up  with  an  imploring 
eye  and  piteous  whine :  but  then  the  awful  look  and  cautionary 
growl  he  received  from  the  wiser  dog,  sent  him  away  in  a  mo- 
ment with  a  trailed  tail  and  even  to  a  greater  distance  than  ever ! 
And  yet  Caesar  was  equal  in  strength  and  size  to  one  Brutus 
and  a  half!  Carlyle's  theory  of  opinion,  must  be  extended  to 
dogs  :  and  our  deer  hunt  will  confirm  it. 

One  day  during  Christmas  week  Uncle  John  went  a  hunting. 
About  two  o'clock,  however,  he  returned,  having  wounded  a 
deer  a  mile  beyond  our  clearing,  and  wishing  after  dinner — now 
on  the  table — to  take  the  two  dogs  to  put  on  its  trail ;  when  we 
should  soon  find  the  deer,  and  in  all  probability  dead.  Accord- 
ingly, on  reaching  the  spot,  and  blood  being  here  and  there 
visible,  the  dogs  were  placed  on  the  trail,  and  we  soon  came  in 
sight  of  the  poor  deer.  It  was  not  dead,  as  had  been  conjec- 
tured, but  was  lying  down  sorely  wounded,  on  a  little  island  in 
the  creek,  hoping  there,  after  baffling  pursuit  by  the  intervening 
water,  to  sob  away  its  life  unseen  and  undisturbed  by  its  relent- 
less enemies!  Poor  creature!  mere  accident  led  us  to  look 
towards  its  retreat;  where,  alarmed,  it  had  incautiously  moved  ; 
and  no  moving  thing  ever  is  unseen  by  the  wary  and  stationary 


162  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

hunter — and  then,  at  our  shouts,  up  sprang  the  terrified  animal, 
wounded,  but  bounding  away  as  though  unharmed !  And  away 
in  pursuit  leaped  the  yelping  dogs ;  but  in  the  excitement 
Caesar,  forgetful  of  all  reverence,  in  the  lead! 

Following  the  uproar,  I  ran  up  on  this  side  the  creek  about 
two  hundred  yards ;  and  then  the  deer  was  seen  recrossing  the 
water  a  few  rods  higher,  Caesar  close  on  the  flank,  the  most 
noble  Brutus  panting  far  enough  in  the  rear  ! 

The  poor  hunted  victim,  blind  and  expiring,  staggered,  in  its 
last  agony,  towards  my  station ;  and  then,  as  Caesar  leaped  to 
seize  its  throat,  it  fell  stone  dead  at  my  feet ;  for  the  rifle  ball 
had  passed  nearly  through  its  body,  and  the  chase  had  happily 
but  accelerated  death.  The  two  brothers,  for  Uncle  Tommy 
had  joined  us,  now  came  up ;  and  then,  the  feet  of  the  dead 
deer  tied  in  pairs,  and  a  sapling,  cut  and  prepared  with  a  toma- 
hawk, inserted  longitudinally  under  the  thongs,  we  shouldered 
our  prey,  and  marched  homeward  triumphant : — i.  e.,  we  three 
rational s  and  the  now  opinionated  and  consequential  Caesar,  who 
(or  which  ?)  strutted  near,  every  few  paces  leaping  up  and  smell- 
ing at  the  carcass.  But  Brutus,  the  hitherto  lord  of  the  woods 
and  clearing,  alas !  dejected,  lagged  away  behind,  both  crest- 
fallen and  tail-fallen  !  yes,  both,  for  he  hung  his  head  and  kept 
his  tail  dangling  without  one  triumphant  flourish !  He  evidently 
felt  his  importance  lessened,  his  dignity  diminished  by  such  a 
palpable  and  utter  natural — not  to  say  moral — inability,  to  be 
in  at  the  death.  Yes,  opinion  was  changed !  And  he  saw 
plain  enough  that  Caesar  entertained  notions  of  dog-authority 
now  very  inconsistent  with  peaceable  subjection — ay !  as  differ- 
ent as  when  slaves  first  wake  to  the  full  perception  of  their 
powers  and  rights,  and  opportunities ;  their  masters  having  in- 
judiciously allowed  them  to  discover  themselves  to  be  really 
men,  and  to  have  souls !  Yes,  yes,  opinion  had  changed  ; — and 
these  dogs  read  it  in  one  another's  eyes — for  that  very  day  the 
instant  the  entrails  of  the  slain  deer  were  thrown  out  as  the 
dogs'  reward,  up  rushed  the  unceremonious  Caesar  ;  and  when 
Brutus  tried  the  experiment  of  the  old  cautionary  growl,  Caesar, 
instead  of  modestly  retiring,  as  usual,  leaped  ferociously  upon 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  163 

his  venerated  step-father,  and  so  bit  and  gored,  and  pitched  and 
rolled,  and  tossed  him,  that  away,  away  ran  the  elder  dog  at  the 
first  fair  interval,  howling  with  rage,  vexation  and  pain !  And 
ever  after  that  memorable  deer-hunt  Csesar  continued  to  eat  at 
the  first  trough,  and  Brutus  at  the  second ! 

Part  of  the  venison  fell  to  Uncle  Tommy's  share,  which  I 
aided  him  to  take  home;  and,  in  return,  he  insisted  on  my 
spending  the  evening  at  his  cabin — and  then  the  reader  may  be 
sure  we  had  many  a  long  story  on  hunting.  The  squatteree 
was  a  cabin  just  fourteen  feet  by  ten,  and  most  accurately  built 
of  small  round  saplings,  very  much  alike  in  diameter  and  looks, 
and  nicely  dressed  at  the  corners. 

A  large  space  inside  was  occupied  by  a  bed-apparatus,  con- 
structed as  follows  : — uprights,  at  their  lower  ends  were  nailed 
to  cleets  on  the  floor,  and  on  the  uprights  were  pegged  a  side 
and  foot-piece — the  logs  of  the  cabin  making  unnecessary  a 
second  rail  and  head-piece.  Next  was  a  sacking  of  clap-boards 
pinned  down ;  and  then  a  very  thick  straw  bed,  and  over  that  a 
sumptuous  feather  bed  ;  the  whole  very  comfortable  for  the 
good  old  folks,  especially  as  Uncle  Tommy  used  to  say  of  them- 
selves, that  they  were  "  old  and  tough." 

Opposite  the  bed  stood  the  bureau ;  the  door  opening  into 
the  cabin  between  the  two,  and  a  narrow  aisle  or  passage  being 
left  to  the  cooking  and  eating  end  of  the  nest.  Adjoining  the 
bureau  was  the  puncheon  table  with  its  white  oak  legs ;  and 
which  served  for  eating,  sewing,  reading,  and  indeed,  all  domes- 
tic uses ;  whilst  opposite  the  table,  and  at  the  foot  of  the  bed, 
were  shelves  for  crockery  and  every  article  of  squatter  house- 
keeping. Over  the  fire-place  was  an  extraordinarily  wide  mantel, 
sustaining  canister  behind  canister,  and  bowl  upon  bowl,  and 
bags,  some  of  linen  and  some  of  paper ;  and  having  above  itself 
two  racks,  one  supporting  an  enormously  long  duck-gun,  and 
the  other,  "Old  Bet" — a  black,  surly-looking  rifle — with  the  ap- 
purtenances of  horns,  punches,  loaders,  tomahawks  and  knives. 
There  hung,  also,  several  pairs  of  moccasins,  and  two  sets  of 
leggins ;  an  old  pair  of  green  baize,  and  a  new  pair  of  blue 
cloth. 


164  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

Over  the  table  and  bureau  were  shelves,  but  mainly  for  the 
library.  The  books  were  principally  books  of  divinity  and 
church  history,  and  also  of  prayer  and  devotion  ;  but  yet  were 
on  the  shelves  Don  Quixote,  Robinson  Crusoe,  Paradise  Lost, 
Border  Tales,  Cooper's  Works,  Thomson's  Seasons,  and  Young's 
Night  Thoughts.  The  bureau-top  was  consecrated  to  Bibles  and 
Hymn  Books ;  and  here  was  piled  the  famous  Scott's  Commen- 
tary, in  five  volumes  quarto,  and  so  often  read,  from  "  kiver  to 
kiver  !"  Indeed,  from  their  appearance,  one  would  almost  have 
judged  them  to  have  been  read  clean  through  "  the  kivers  !" 

The  neatness,  the  quiet,  the  cleanliness,  the -comfort,  the  wild 
independence  of  this  nest  of  a  cabin — the  hunt  of  the  day — 
the  stories — all,  all  were  so  like  the  dreams  of  my  boyhood ! 
How  happy  Uncle  Tommy,  now  more  than  seventy  years  old  ! 
and  Aunt  Nancy,  now  more  than  sixty  !  Happy  in  themselves, 
in  one  another,  in  their  home,  and  in  their  scriptural  hopes  of 
the  future  life ! 


But  the  arrangement  for  getting  water,  when  the  old  lady 
should  be  alone,  and  in  wet  weather,  without  leaving  the  cabin — 
that  was  the  nicety  !  The  nest  was  a  few  yards  below  a  beau- 
tiful fountain,  and  over  its  running  stream ;  then  in  the  floor  a 
light  puncheon  was  fixed  as  a  trap,  so  that,  with  a  calabash  at 
the  end  of  a  proper  pole,  Aunt  Nancy  could  dip,  as  from  an  arti- 
ficial reservoir ! — and  all  without  a  water-tax  ! 

Our  supper  to-night  was  of  coffee,  corn  bread,  butter,  eggs, 
short-cakes,  and  venison  steaks  !  Yes,  venison  steaks  !  Away 
with  your  Astor  House,  and  Merchants'  Hotel,  and  Dandies' 
Taverns  ;  if  you  do  want  to  know  how  venison  steaks  do  taste — 
go  to  Aunt  Nancy  !  We  feel  tempted  to  give  Uncle  Tommy's 
"  murakalus"  escape  in  fire-hunting  !  how  he  levelled  his  rifle  at 
a  "beast's  eyes,"  and  found,  in  time,  it  was  light  streaming 
through  a  negro  hut,  where,  on  Christmas  eve,  the  merry  rascals 
were  dancing  away  to  a  cornstalk  fiddle  and  a  calabash  banjo. 
But  we  must  hasten  to  our 

Fifth  and  last  amusement  during  the  holidays.     Usually  on 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  165 

the  sabbath  we  attended  our  own  meeting  in  the  Welden  Set- 
tlement ;  but  bad  roads  and  some  other  accidents  often  kept  us 
at  home ;  when  our  three  families  assembled  at  Uncle  John's, 
where  he  read  the  Scriptures,  and  made  or  read  a  prayer,  with 
occasional  help  from  Uncle  Tommy,  while  Glenville  and  Carlton 
conducted  the  choir  and  read  sermons  and  tracts. 

Sometimes,  however,  we  attended  meeting  at  Mr.  Sturgis', 
out  of  compliment  to  our  neighbour  and  Uncle  Tommy ;  never ', 
indeed,  for  fun.  although  we  usually  were  more  amused  than 
profited ;  and  always  came  back  more  and  more  convinced  that 
a  learned,  talented  and  pious  ministry  was,  after  all,  not  quite  so 
great  a  curse  as  many  deem  it.  But  of  this  the  reader  may, 
after  reading  the  ecclesiastical  parts  and  chapters  of  this  His- 
tory, judge  for  himself.  And  here  we  beg  leave  to  affirm 'that 
our  accounts  of  certain  sacred  matters  are  reduced,  and  very 
much  below  the  truth  ;  for  while  truthfulness  is  important  in 
some  writings,  if  on  these  matters  ours  were  truth-/w//,  we  should 
hardly  be  credited.  We  dare  not  do  our  pictures  up  to  life  : 
and  hence,  while  they  are  by  no  means  truthless,  they  are  yet 
less  than  the  truth. 

Neighbour  Sturgis,  it  will  be  remembered,  lived  opposite  the 
tannery,  and  on  the  top  of  a  bluff  rising  from  our  creek.  Com- 
pared with  most  cabins,  his  was  good  and  spacious ;  and  to  ac- 
commodate some  pet  swine  and  a  flock  of  tame  geese,  openings 
under  his  house  were  left,  whither  the  favourites  could  retire  for 
sleep,  or  as  a  retreat  from  unusual  sun,  rain,  or  wind.  Here, 
whilst  swine  and  geese  were  content  with  their  several  limits, 
gruntings  and  cacklings  were  modest  and  expressive  of  enjoy- 
ment :  although  joy  itself  would  often  squeal  and  scream  too 
boisterously  for  some  congregations.  But  if  wantonness  in- 
duced either  piggy  or  goosey  to  pass  the  border ;  or  if  the  dogs 
playfully  ran  in  nosing  up  the  pigs,  slapping  a  tail  against  a 
strutty  gander  or  a  silly  goose,  then  would  the  commingled  din 
of  bark,  howl,  grunt,  squawk,  squeal  and  cackle,  furnish  a  better 
answer  than  the  jest-book  itself,  to  the  question,  "  What  makes 
more  noise  than  a  she-swine  caught  in  a  gate  ?"  Answer,  "  Old 
man  Sturgis'  pet-pen  in  a  riot." 


166  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

Now,  in  the  room  exactly  over  the  pet-pen,  "  meetins  was 
held  !"  The  seats  were  long  benches  with  ricketty  limbs,  ex- 
panded, two-a-piece  at  each  end,  and  double  planks  resting  on 
rude  chunks — all  wishing  to  obey  at  once  the  great  law  of 
gravity,  but  prevented  by  their  own  inequalities,  and  those  of 
the  floor.  Hence  during  "  sarvice,"  as  folks  were  constantly 
shifting  centres  of  motion  and  gravity,  no  despicable  noise  of 
chunks  and  bench-legs  was  maintained,  in  addition  to  all  other 
noises,  rational  and  instinctive. 

The  pulpit  was  neither  marble  nor  mahogany,  being  a  tough 
chair,  with  two  upright  back  pieces  like  plough-handles,  and 
cross-bars  to  suit :  and  its  seat  was  laced  hickory  withes,  and 
wonderfully  smooth  and  glistening  from  the  attrition  of  linsey 
garments,  tow  inexpressibles,  and  oily  buckskin  unmentionables. 
And  not  in,  but  behind  this  pulpit  stood  the  preacher,  placing  his 
hymn-book  on  its  polished  seat,  and  holding  on  to  the  two  han- 
dles to  squeeze  by,  in  his  energy  or  embarrassments.  Hence 
he  never  thumped  his  pulpit  in  the  manner  of  the  Rev.  Doctor 
Slapfist ;  but  when  necessary  he  raised  the  pulpit  itself,  and  with 
jt  thumped  the  floor — making,  of  course,  just  four  times  the 
impression  with  its  four  legs  that  the  Doctor  does  with  his  sin- 
gle hand. 

The  Rev.  Diptin  Menniwater  usually  preached  here ;  but  on 
New- Year's  Sabbath  all  Glenville  went,  by  invitation,  to  hear  a 
new  preacher  :  although  in  the  Purchase,  where  preachers  of  a 
sort  are  plenty  as  acorns  or  beech-nuts,  a  new  one  frequently 
held  forth,  and  held  on  too,  greatly  to  the  wonder  of  the  hearers, 
and  the  disturbance  of  the  pet-pen,  at  our  neighbour's  of  the 
bluff.  The  new  preacher  to-day,  doubtless  apprised  of  the 
strangers'  coming,  in  order  to  create  confidence,  and  ward  off 
any  false  shame  and  unworthy  fear  of  man,  struck  off,  after 
prayer  and  singing,  with  an  open  avowal  of  enmity  to  all  learn- 
ing and  learned  preachers,  thus : — 

"  Brethurn  and  sisturn,  it's  a  powerful  great  work,  this  here 
preaching  of  the  gospul,  as  the  great  apostul  hisself  allows  in 
them  words  of  hissin  what's  jist  come  into  my  mind — for  I 
never  know'd  what  to  preach  about  till  I  riz  up — them  words 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  167 

of  hissin,  *  who  is  sufficient  for  all  these  here  things  !'  as  near 
about  as  I  recollect  them. 

"  Thare's  some  folks — (glancing  towards  us) — howsomever, 
what  thinks  preachers  must  be  high  larn'd,  afore  they  kin  tell 
sinners  as  how  they  must  be  saved  or  be  'tarnally  lost ;  but  it 
ain't  so  I  allow — (chair  thumped  here  and  answered  by  a  squawk 
below) — no,  no  !  this  apostul  of  ourn  what  spoke  the  text,  never 
rubbed  his  back  agin  a  collige,  nor  toted  about  no  sheepskins — 
no,  never ! — (thump !  thump  !  squawk  and  two  grunts.) — No,  no, 
dear  brethurn  and  sisturn — (squeak) — larnin's  not  sufficient  for 
them  things  ;  as  the  apostul  says,  '  who  is  sufficient  for  them  ?' 
Oh  wordlins !  how  you'd  a  perished  in  your  sins  if  the  fust 
preachers  had  a  stay'd  till  they  got  sheepskins  !  No  !  no  !  no  ! 
I  say,  gim  me  the  sperit. — (Squeals  and  extra  gruntings  in  the 
swine's  territory,  and  more  animated  squawks  and  cackles,  ag 
the  preacher  waxed  warmer.) — No  !  I  don't  pretend  to  no  larnin 
whatsom ever, but  depends  on  the  sperit  like  Poll — (squee-e-el ;) 
— and  what's  to  hinder  me  a  sayin,  oh  !  undun  worldlins !  that 
you  must  be  saved  or  'tarnally  lost — yes,  lost  for  ever  an  dever  ! 
— (things  below  evidently  getting  on  to  their  legs  and  flapping.) 
No !  no !  no !  oh !  poor  lost  wordlins,  I  can  say  as  well  as  the 
best  on  them  sheepskins,  if  you  don't  git  relijin  and  be  saved, 
you'll  be  lost,  teetolly  and  'tarnally  forever  an  dever-ah  !  J 
knows  I'm  nuthen  but  poor  Philip,  and  that  I  only  has  to  go  by 
the  sperit-ah !  but  as  long  as  I  live,  I  kin  holler  out — (voice  to 
the  word) — and  cry  aloud  and  spare  not — (squ-aw-awk.) — O  ! 
no,  brethurn  and  sisturn-ah !  and  all  evin  high  larn'd  folks  that's 
in  the  gaul,  and  maybe  won't  thank  me  for  it  no  how-ah !  O  ! 
ho  !  o-ah !  I  poor  Philip-ah,  what's  moved  to  cry  out  and  spare 
not-ah  ! — (sque-e-el !) — what  was  takin  from  tend  in  critturs  like 
David-ah,  and  ain't  no  prophet,  nor  no  son  of  a  prophet-ah, 
O  !  ho-o-ah,  how  bappy  I  am  to  raise  iny  poor  feeble-ah,  dying- 
ah,  voice-ah,  and  spendin  my  last  breath,  in  this  here  blessed 
work ;  a  warning,  and  crying  aloud ;  o-ho  !-o-ah  !  repent,  repent, 
poor  worldlins  and  be  saved,  or  you'll  all  be  lost,  and  perish  for- 
ever-an-dever-ah !" 

Here  the  storm  above  was  getting  to  its  height,  although  poor 


168  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

Philip  kept  on  some  ten  minutes  more,  waxing  louder  and 
hoarser,  with  endless  repetitions  and  strong  aspirations  in  a  hun- 
dred places  occasioned  by  his  catching  breath,  and  which  we 
have  several  times  marked  with  an  ah !  And  the  more  fre- 
quent this  syllable  or  such  aspiration  occurs  in  a  torrent  of 
boisterous  words,  the  more  is  the  preaching  supposed  to  be  from 
the  heart,  and  therefore  inspired :  for  nobody,  it  is  supposed, 
would  make  such  a  fool  of  himself  if  he  could  help  it. 

Philip  now  began  spanking  one  thigh  with  a  hand,  and  ever  and 
anon  battering  the  floor  with  his  pulpit,  until  he  was  compelled 
at  last  to  place  one  hand  under  his  jaw,  and  partly  up  his  cheek 
to  support  his  "jawing  tackle."  And,  in  the  meanwhile,  the 
fraternity  below,  after  much  irregular  outcrying,  had  at  length 
joined  all  their  instruments  and  voices,  and  to  so  good  a  purpose 
as  at  times  nearly  to  overwhelm  the  preacher.  Two  dogs,  also, 
half  wolf  and  half  cur,  now  presented  themselves  at  the  door, 
and  with  elevated  brows  and  cocked  ears,  stood  wistfully  look- 
ing at  the  parson,  to  know  what  he  wished  them  to  attack  or 
hunt :  but  on  finding  he  was  not  halloing  for  them,  and  being 
now  too  excited  to  be  still,  away  they  sprang  towards  the  forest 
yelping  and  howling  and  determined  to  hunt  for  themselves. 
And  shortly  after  the  first  hurricane  ending,  poor  Philip  hitting 
a  favourite  vein,  went  on  with  a  train  of  reasoning — designing  to 
show  that  native  wit  was  as  good  as  college  logic — about  cause 
and  effect :  but  while  he  was  again  cheered  from  below  in  the 
manner  of  an  English  audience  clapping  an  abolitionist,  we 
shall  not,  by  recording  the  applause,  interrupt  the  narrative. 

"  No — no  :  nobody  can  make  nuthin.  Thare's  only  one  what 
makes,  and  he  made  these  here  woods  ;  he  made  these  here 
trees ;  and  them  bushes ;  he  made  yonders  sun — and  yonders 
mOon — and  all  them  'are  stars  what  shines  at  night  in  the  firma- 
mint  above  our  heads  like  fires  ; — and — and — he  made — yes — 
he  made  them  powerful  big  rivers  a .  runnin  down  thare  to 
Orleans — and  the  sea,  and  all  the  fishes,  and  the  one  what  a 
sorter  swallerd  the  prophit  what  was  chuck'd  out  and  swallerd 
— and — and — yes — and  all  them  'are  deer,  and  them  'are  barr, 
and  them  hossis  what's  tied  out  thare. — (Had  Dick  been  there 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  Io9 

he  would  now  unquestionably  have  slipped  his  bridle.) — And  so 
you  understand,  worldlins,  how  no  man  could  a  ever  made  any- 
thing. And  haven't  we  proof  from  nater  that  they  was  made, 
and  didn't  come,  as  high  larn'd  folks'  sez,  and  grow  of  their- 
selves  out  of  forty  atims  by  chance. 

"  No — no,  worldlins,  you  couldn't,  the  most  high  larn'd  ither, 
couldn't  make  any  of  them  thare  things — you  couldn't  make 
woods — you  couldn't  make  trees — you  couldn't  make  fishes — no, 
you  couldn't  make  airth — you  couldn't  make  air — you  couldn't 
make  fire — you  couldn't — hem !— he-e-m  ! — no  you  couldn't 

." — Sorry  are  we  to  record,  but  Mr.  Carlton  here  was 

guilty  of  sniggering !  and  even  Uncle  John,  in  spite  of  his  offi- 
cial dignity,  did  look  as  if  he  would  laugh  when  meeting  was 
out.  Poor  Philip,  however,  quickly  emerged  and  went  on. — 
»  No — not  one  of  you  could  make  a  spring  branch  nor  the  like." 

Ah  !  poor  Philip,  had  you  only  had  a  little  of  the  learning  you 
despised  !  Had  you,  at  least,  only  seen  Miss  Carbon's  Chemis- 
try for  Boarding  Schools  of  Young  Ladies  !  But  did  not  Philip 
make  us  sweat  for  our  sins,  for  he  went  on : 

"  Yes !  yes !  some  folks  laff  in  meeting,  but  wait  till  they 
gits  to  h — 1,  and  maybe  they'll  laff  tother  side  of  their  mouth. 
The  fire  down  thareV  hot,  I  allow,  and  will  scorch  off  folks's 
ruffles  and  melt  their  goold  buttins,  and  the  devel  and  his 
angils  will  pelt  them  with  red  hot  balls  of  brimrock  and  fire  !" 

But  the  two  dogs  had  just  now  returned  from  an  unsuccessful 
hunt,  and  forthwith  they  plunged  headlong  into  the  pit  below ; 
and  then  the  barking  and  yelping  of  the  dogs  ;  the  scampering 
and  squealing  of  the  pigs ;  the  flapping  of  screaming  geese's 
wings,  and  the  squawking  of  insulted  ganders,  together  with  the 
hoarse  and  continued  roaring  of  the  preacher,  produced  a  tem- 
pest rarely  equalled  in  the  best  organized  fanatical  assemblies 
here,  and  never  surely  excelled.  And  the  instant  meeting  was 
over,  we  of  Glenville  hurried  away  glad  to  escape  from  the 
noise  of  bedlam  and  the  almost  papistical  curses  of  poor  Philip. 
8 


170  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 


CHAPTER   XXII. 

SECOND    YEAR. 

"  Go  to  them,  with  this  bonnet  in  thy  hand- 
But  thou  wilt  frame 

Thyself,  forsooth,  hereafter  theirs,  so  far 
As  thou  hast  power,  and  person." 

OUR  second  summer  opened  with  the  electioneering  cam- 
paign of  Mr.  Glenville,  the  people's  candidate,  for  a  seat  in  the 
next  legislature.  His  opponent,  in  all  intellectual  respects,  was 
unqualified  for  the  seat,  being  destitute  of  important  knowledge, 
void  of  tact  and  skill,  and  having  indeed — for  he  had  been  our 
representative  before — only  exposed  himself  and  us  to  perpe- 
tual ridicule.  He  could  read  and  write,  and  perhaps  cipher  a 
little,  and  therefore7was  all  along  considered  a  smart  fellow, 
till  it  was  discovered  we  had  one  in  the  district,  "  a  powerful 
heap  smarter" — John  'Glenville,  Esq.,  of  Glenville.  For  John 
read  without  spelling  the  hard  words,  wrote  like  engraving,  and 
could  "  kalkilate  in  his  head  faster  nor  Jerry  Simpson  with 
chalk  or  coal,  although  Jerry  had  been  a  schoolmaster."  And 
our  neighbour,  Ashford,  offered  to  stake  five  barrels  of  corn, 
that — "  Johnny  was  jist  the  powerful  lest,  smartest  fellow  in  the 
hole  universal  county,  and  could  out  sifer  Jerry  or  any  other 
man  all  to  smash." 

Glenville's  ability,  however,  would  have  prejudiced  our  cause, 
had  any  doubt  existed  as  to  his  moral  integrity  ;  for,  a  bad  man 
out  there  was  very  properly  dreaded  in  proportion  to  his  clever- 
ness— and  therefore,  power  to  harm. 

Our  opponents,  therefore,  neither  insisted  that  Jerry  was 
smarter  than  John,  nor  attacked  John's  character:  but  they 
contended  that  "Jerry  could  do  no  harm  if  he  did  no  good,  but 
that  John  could  if  he  would,  and  would  if  he  took  a  bad  turn ; 
also,  that  Jerry  had  been  tried  once  and  did  no  harm,  but  that 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  171 

John  had  never  been  tried,  and  so  no  one  could  exactly  tell 
what  he  would  be  till  he  was  tried." 

To  this  was  answered,  that  "Jerry  could  do  no  good  if  he 
would,  and  had  often  voted  so  as  to  keep  others  from  doing  us 
any  good,  and  so  had  prevented  good  if  he  had  done  no  evil ; 
that  John,  if  able  to  do  harm,  was  also  able  to  do  good,  and 
as  he  had  never  done  harm  in-  private  life,  it  was  reason- 
able to  believe  he  would  do  none  in  public  life;  and  that  as 
Jerry  had  had  a  trial  and  done  no  good,  so  John  ought  to 
have  one  too,  and  if  he  did  harm,  we  could  send  Jerry  the 
year  after." 

John  was  then  attacked  on  the  score  of  pride  and  aristocracy ; 
and,  as  usual,  all  the  sins  of  his  family  were  laid  at  Glenville:s 
door,  especially  his  sisters'  ruffles — our  metal  buttons — the 
carpet  wall ;  and  above  all,  Carlton's  irreverent  sniggering  in 
meeting.  But  then,  most  who  had  met  us  at  Susan  Ashford's 
wedding  said  "  we  warnt  so  stuck  up  as  folks  said  ;  and  that 
mammy  Ashford  herself  thought  it  was  not  a  bit  proud  to  have 
a  carpet  wall,  or  the  like,  and  that  Mr.  Carltin  was  a  right  down 
clever  feller,  powerful  funny,  and  naterally  addicted  to  laffin." 
And  to  crown  all,  Mr.  Ashford  himself,  and  belonging  to  poor 
Philip's  sect,  publicly  avowed  that  "he  hisself  had  actially  lafTd 
in  meetin — for  it  came  so  sudden  like — only  he  kept  his  face 
kivered  with  his  hat,  and  nobody  hadn't  seen  him." 

The  enemy  then  affirmed  that  Glenville  himself  had  laughed  : 
but  he  procured  certificates  from  everybody  at  church  to  this 
point  that  "nobody  had  seen  or  heard  John  Glenville  laughing;" 
and  these  were  read  wherever  Jerry's  party  had  made  the 
charge.*  For  any  silly  charge,  if  uncontradicted  out  there,  and 
maybe  in  here — defeats  an  election :  either  because  the  charge 
is  deemed  an  offset  against  the  candidate,  or  people  like  to  see 
their  candidate  in  earnest,  and  his  rebutting  allegations  looks 
like  zeal  for  their  interest,  and  shows  a  due  sense  in  his  mind 
of  popular  favour.  Beside,  if  one  neglect  a  trifling  charge,  his 


*  However,  since  it  can  do  no  harm  now,  Glenville  did  laugh ;  hnt  nobody  either 
saw  or  heard  him  but  myself— and  of  course  I  did  not  sign  any  certificate. 


172  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

enemies  will  soon  bring  larger  and  more  plausible  ones — 
whereas  his  alertness  scares  them. 

At  last  it  was  boldly  alleged  "  that  John  would  have  laughed 
if  he  had  not  expected  to  be  a  candidate !"  But  to  this  it  was 
triumphantly  replied  that  "Jerry  would  have  laughed  if  he  had 
been  at  meetin" — for  Squire  Chippy  and  Col.  Skelpum  gave 
two  separate  certificates,  that  "Jerry  Simpson  had  laughed 
when  he  heard  tell  of  it!"  Hence  poor  Philip's  sermon  was 
celebrated  all  over  our  district;  and  everywhere  was  spoken 
and  even  spouted  the  sentence  "  no  one  couldn't  make  airth," 
and  so  through  all  the  four  old-fashioned  chemical  elements : 
till  all  men  were  ashamed  to  bring  even  against  "  poor  Carltin" 
a  charge,  to  which  all  plainly  showed,  if  they  had  been  at  meet- 
ing, they  would  have  been  equally  liable  themselves.  And  so 
our  party  triumphed  over  what  once  seriously  threatened  to 
defeat  us. 

Our  social  state  was,  however,  always  in  ferment ;  for  ever 
was  some  election,  doing,  being  done,  done  or  going  to  be  done; 
and  each  was  as  bitterly  contested  as  that  of  president  or  gover- 
nor. In  all  directions  candidates  were  perpetually  scouring  the 
country  with  hats,  saddle-bags,  and  pockets  crammed  with  cer- 
tificates, defending  and  accusing,  defaming  and  clearing  up, 
making  licentious  speeches,  treating  to  corn  whiskey,  violating 
the  Sabbath,  and  cursing  the  existing  administration  or  the 
administration's  wife  and  wife's  father!  And  everybody  ex- 
pected at  some  time  to  be  a  candidate  for  something ;  or  that 
his  uncle  would  be ;  or  his  cousin,  or  his  cousin's  wife's  cousin's 
friend  would  be  :  so  that  everybody,  and  everybody's  relations, 
and  everybody's  relations'  friends,  were  for  ever  electioneering, 
till  the  state  of  nasty,  pitiful  intrigues  and  licentious  slanders 
arid  fierce  hostility,  was  like  a  rotten  carcass  where  maggots 
are,  each  for  himself  and  against  his  neighbour,  wriggling  and 
worming  about ! 

Men  were  turned  into  mutual  spies,  and  they  all  watched 
and  treasured  and  reported  and  commented  upon, 'looks,  words 
and  actions,  even  the  most  trifling  and  innocent ! 

The  very  boys  verging  on  manhood  were  aware  of  their 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  173 

future  political  importance;  and  several  years  before  voting, 
they  were  feared,  petted,  courted  and  cajoled,  becoming  of 
course  conceited,  unmannerly  and  disrespectful.  Their  morals 
were  consequently  often  sadly  hurt;  and  boys  then  voted 
fraudulently.  Such  depraved  lads,  destitute  of  reverence,  will 
talk  loud  and  long,  and  confidently,  in  any  company,  contra- 
dicting and  even  rebuking  their  betters — and  all  the  time  a 
rabblerouser — (New  Purchase  name  for  a  demagogue) — affects 
to  listen  and  admire  such  firmness  and  independence  of  spirit! 
Get  out !  you  nasty  puppy !  and  do  not  prate  to  me  about 
religious  cant;  can  anything  come  up  to  the  cant  and  whine  of 
a  selfish,  godless  rabblerouser  ?  And  dare  such  a  one  say  that 
evangelical  missionaries  are  not  safer  guides,  and  better  friends 
to  the  people  than — he  ?  Out  with  you  ! 

We  had,  of  course,  in  the  Purchase  a  passion  for  stump- 
speeching.  But  recollect,  we  often  mount  the  stump  only 
figuratively :  and  very  good  stump-speeches  are  delivered  from, 
a  table,  a  chair,  a  whiskey  barrel,  and  the  like.  Sometimes  we 
make  our  best  stump-speeches  on  horse-back.  In  this  case, 
when  the  horse  is  excited  by  our  eloquence,  or  more  commonly 
by  mischievous  boys,  more  action  goes  with  the  speech  than 
even  Demosthenes  inculcated — often  it  becomes  altogether  cir- 
cumambu-latory. 

Once  a  candidate  stood  near  the  tail  of  Isam  Greenbriar's  ox 
cart  at  Woodville,  when  some  of  his  opponents — perhaps  some 
of  his  own  friends,  for  the  joke  was  tempting — noiselessly  drew 
out  the  forward  pins,  when  at  the  most  unexpected  instant,  and 
in  the  very  climax  of  his  most  ferocious  effervescence,  Mr. 
Rhodomontade  was  canted  into  the  dirt ! 

Again,  our  candidate  for  fence-viewer,  with  some  half  dozen 
friends,  was  once  hard  at  work  with  certificates  and  speeches  in 
Sam  Dreadnought's  wagon  ;  when  Sam,  having  several  miles  to 
drive  before  dark,  and  having  already  waited  two  good  hours 
for  matters  to  end,  suddenly  leaped  on  his  saddle  horse ;  and 
then,  at  a  word  and  a  crack,  away  dashed  the  team  loaded  with 
politics,  very  much  to  the  amusement  of  the  people,  but  much 
to  the  discomfiture  of  our  candidate. 

Nothing  surpasses  the  munificent  promises  and  at  the  same 


174  THE     NEW    PURCHASE. 

time  the  external  and  grovelling  humility  of  a  genuine  rabble- 
rouser,  just  before  an  election.  He  shakes  hands  with  every 
body,  friend  and  foe ;  he  has  agents  to  treat  at  his  expense  at 
every  doggery — (New  Purchase  term  for  a  grog-shop  or  low 
tavern) — and  in  his  own  person  he  deals  out  whiskey  and  ginger- 
bread, as  we  have  seen,  to  a  long  line  of  independent  voters 
marching  past  him  with  drum  and  fife  to  the  polls;  and  he 
drinks  out  of  any  drunken  vagabond's  bottle,  laughing  at  his 
beastly  jokes,  and  puts  his  arm  round  his  filthy  neck,  and  allows 
himself  thus  to  be  slobbered  upon,  while  patting  the  brute  on 
the  back  and  being  patted  in  turn ! 

Yet  have  we  noble  gentlemen  who,  when  candidates,  are  cour- 
teous indeed,  but  who  will  not  do  base  things,  nor  make  absurd 
and  wicked  promises,  and  who  when  defeated  back  out  with 
manly  scorn  of  licentious  opponents. 

Glenville,  though  full  of  tact,  was  independent;  although  we 
did  give  credit  for  kip  and  neats-leather,  even  where  it  was 
doubtful  whether  our  political  friends  would  pay,  and  bought 
raw  hides  at  higher  prices  than  were  paid  at  Spiceburg  and 
Woodville.  And  Glenville  did  submit  to,  or  rather  he  could 
not  prevent  a  party  with  him  in  a  canoe  from  upsetting  the 
boat  in  the  middle  of  Shining  River ;  and  who  thus  gave  the 
candidate  what  they  called  a — "  political  baptising :"  but  whilst 
this  was  no  dry  joke,  our  friend  still,  on  swimming  to  land  with 
the  others,  joined  in  the  laugh.  This,  too,  was  a  fair  type  of  his 
immersion  into  the  troubled  waters  of  political  life;  and  the 
way  he  endured  the  ducking  so  established  his  reputation  above 
Jerry's,  that  at  the  ensuing  election  a  few  weeks  after,  Mr.  G. 
was  successful  by  a  clean  majority  of  one  hundred  and  seventy- 
one  votes ! 

Politicians,  even  in  here,  I  am  informed,  are  also  very  fre- 
quently immersed,  and  into  puddles,  from  which  they  rarely 
ever  do  flounder  out ;  and  when  they  do,  it  is  said,  they  look 
nasty  and  soiled,  and  have  dirty  ways,  all  the  rest  of  their  lives ! 
But  maybe  the  less  said  on  this  point  the  sooner  mended ;  and 
therefore  as  Mr.  Glenville  is  now  the  people's  man,  the  world 
expects  his  history,  and  we  proceed  to  treat  of  the  same  in 
three  chapters. 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  175 


CHAPTER    XXIII. 

*T11  read  you  matter  deep  and  dangerous,— 
As  full  of  peril,  and  advent'rous  spirit, 
As  to  o'erwalk  a  current,  roaring  loud, 
On  the  unsteadfast  footing  of  a  spear." 

MR.  GLENVILLE  was  born  in  Philadelphia.  He  had  been 
destined  to  the  counting  house,  but  the  removal  of  his  friends 
to  the  west,  changed  his  destiny ;  for  he  was  invited  by  General 
Duff  Green,  then  of  Kentucky,  to  accompany  a  party  to  the 
Upper  Missouri  as  assistant  surveyor ;  which  invitation  was 
accepted. 

This  suited  our  hero's  love  of  adventure  and  gave  an  oppor- 
tunity of  seeing — the  world.  Not  the  world  as  seen  by  a  trip 
to  Paris  or  London,  but  the  world  natural  and  proper;  the 
world  in  its  native  convexity,  its  own  ravines  and  mountains, 
its  virgin  soil,  its  primitive  wilds,  its  unworn  prairies !  To  float 
in  birch  bark  canoes  on  the  swelling  bosom  of  free  waters  ! — 
waters  never  degraded  with  bearing  loads  of  merchandise,  or 
prostituted  to  turn  mills,  or  fill  canals,  or  -in  any  way  to  be  a 
slave,  and  then  to  be  let  go  discoloured  with  coal,  or  saw  dust, 
or  flour,  or  dyestuffs — marks  of  bondage — that  they  may  hurry 
away,  sullen  and  indignant  to  hide  their  dishonoured  waves  in 
the  ocean ! 

He  went  to  see  the  world  as  the  Omnipotent  made  it  and  the 
deluge  left  it !  He  went  to  hear  the  thunder-tramp  of  the  wild 
congregations — the  horse  and  the  buffalo — shaking  the  prairie- 
plains  that  heaved  up  proud  to  bear  on  their  free  heart  the  un- 
tamed, bounding  glorious  herds!  He  went  to  look  at  the  sun 
rising  and  setting  on  opposite  sides  of  one  and  the  same  plain ; 
and  where  the  rainbow  spans  half  a  continent  and  curves  round 
the  terrestrial  semicircle!  He  went  to  see  the  smoke  of  a 


176 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 


wigwam!  where  death  flies  on  the  wing  of  a  stone-headed 
arrow,  and  the  Indian  is  in  the  drapery  of  untouched  forests 
and  midst  the  fragrance  of  the  ungardened,  many  coloured, 
ever- varied  flowers ! 

What  change  from  the  smokes  and  smells  of  a  city ! — the 
outcry,  war,  confusion  of  its  anxious,  crowded,  jostled,  envious, 
jealous,  rivalous  population ! — its  contrasts  of  moneyed  conse- 
quence and  poverty  smitten  dependence ! — its  rolling  vehicles 
of  travelling  ennui,  and  hobbling  crutch  of  rheumatic  beggary  ! 
— and  its  saloons  of  boisterous  mirth  adjoining  the  sad  enclo- 
sure of  silent  tombstones !  Oh  !  the  change  from  dark,  damp, 
stifling  pent  holes  of  alleys  and  courts,  where  filth  exhales  its 
stench  without  the  sun ! — to  walk  abroad,  run,  leap,  ride,  hunt 
and  shout,  amid  the  unwrought,  unsubdued,  boundless  world  of 
primitive  forest,  flood,  and  prairie ! 

After  a  few  weeks,  Glenville  was  detached  from  the  General's 
party,  and  sent  with  the  principal  surveyor  and  one  hunter  to 
complete  a  survey. 

One  morning,  when  preparing  breakfast  on  the  bank  of  a 
river  tributary  to  the  Missouri,  a  large  party  of  Indians  ap- 
peared on  the  opposite  bank,  who,  on  espying  our  surveyors, 
came  over  to  visit  their  camp,  warriors  and  warriors'  squaws, 
all  wading  with  red  and  bare  legs ;  and  then,  pleased  with  their 
reception  and  some  small  presents,  they  insisted  that  our  friends 
should  now  go  and  take  breakfast  on  the  other  side  ;  a  request 
that  could  not  be  declined  without  engendering  distrust. 

Happy  that  the  appetite  is  often  strong !  and  yet  strong  as  it 
was,  it  was  almost  too  weak  for  the  occasion.  The  breakfast 
began  with  a  drink  of  whiskey  and  complimentary  smoking, 
after  which  came  the  principal. viand,  to  wit:  a  soup,  or  hash, 
or  swill,  made  of  river  water  and  deer-meat  and  deer-entrails  all 
poured  from  a  large  iron  kettle  and  smoking  hot  into — "  an 
earthen  dishf  No.  "A  calabash?"  No:  but  into  a  sugar 
trough ! — a  wooden  trough  !  and  about  as  large  as  piggy  uses  in 
his  early  days,  when  fattening  for  a  roast.  Had  the  thing  been 
as  clean,  our  surveyors  would  never  have  flinched ;  but  the 
trough  was  coated  with  oleaginous  matter  both  within  and 


THE     NEW   PURCHASE.  177 

without ;  and  a  portion  of  the  interior  coat,  now  melted  by  the 
absorption  of  free  caloric,  was  contributing  a  yellow  oily  rich- 
ness and  flavour  to  the  savoury  mess!  And  on  the  crust  more 
remote  from  heat  frolicked  larvae,  with  nice  white  bodies  and 
uncouth  dark  heads,  careless  of  comrades  floating  lifeless  in  the 
boiling  gulf  below. 

From  this  aboriginal  mess  both  red  and  white  men  fished  up 
pieces  of  venison,  with  sharp  sticks ;  and  with  tin  cups  and 
greasy  gourds  they  ladled  out  broth  till  all  was  exhausted,  ex- 
cept some  lifeless  things  in  a  little  puddle  of  liquid  matter  at 
the  bottom,  and  a  portion  of  entrail  lodged  on  the  side  of  the 
trough.  Our  folks,  who  had,  indeed,  seen  "  a  thing  or  two"  in 
cabin  cookery,  were  nearly  sickened  now  ;  for  spite  of  clench- 
ing the  teeth  in  sucking  broth,  they  were  confident  more  than 
once,  that  articles  designed  to  be  excluded,  had  wormed  through 
the  enclosure.  And  yet  why  not  apply  de  gustibus  non  to  this 
breakfast  1  The  classic  Romans  delighted  in  snails ;  the  sacred 
Jews  in  grasshoppers.  The  Celestials  eat  rats  and  dogs,  and  the 
elastic  Parisians  devour  frogs,  and  sometimes  cats.  And  may 
not  American  Indians  eat,  without  disparagement,  entrails  and 
brown  and  yellow  grease,  and  fly-blows  ? 

Not  many  days  after  this  breakfast,  our  people  met  in  a 
prairie  a  party  of  Osages,  and  mostly  mounted  on  small,  but 
very  active  horses.  The  chief  ordered  his  troop  to  halt,  and  all 
dismounting,  he  made  signs  for  the  whites  to  advance ;  upon 
which  he  stepped  up  to  Glenville — the  Mercury  of  the  three 
— and  began  an  unintelligible  gabble  of  English  and  Osage.  At 
length  he  felt  about  Glenville's  person,  with  his  hands,  and 
even  into  his  bosom  and  pockets,  till  our  friends  became  a  little 
alarmed :  when  Glenville,  remembering  what  he  had  heard,  that 
nothing  so  quickly  disarms  and  even  makes  a  friend  of  a  hostile 
Indian,  as  the  show  of  courage,  begun  to  look  angry,  uttered 
words  of  indignation  and  even  jerked  away  the  chief's  hand. 
Upon  this  the  warrior  stepping  back,  laughed  long  and  loud, 
and  with  manifest  contempt  looked  at  the  dwarf  dimensions  of 
.the  white,  but  with  approbation  at  his  spunk  ;  both  natural  feel- 
ings, when  he  beheld  a  little  white  man?  five  feet  seven,  and 
8* 


178  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

weighing  nearly  one  hundred  and  tw'enty  pounds  avoirdupois, 
boldly  resisting  and  repe.lling  a  big  red  one,  more  than  six  feet 
three,  and  weighing  about  two  hundred  and  thirty-five  pounds ! 
In  a  few  moments,  however,  the  Indian  again  advanced,  but 
with  the  greatest  good-nature ;  and  while  he  now  patted  Glen- 
ville  with  one  hand  on  the  back,  with  the.  other  he  felt  in  our 
hero's  side  pocket,  whence  he  soon  abstracted  a  small  knife  and 
immediately  transferred  the  same  to  his  own  pouch.  After 
that,  going  to  his  pony,  he  returned  with  a  magnificent  buffalo 
robe  wrought  with  rude  outlines  of  beasts  and  Indians  ;  which, 
throwing  down  before  Glenville  as  a  fair  exchange  of  presents, 
he  once  more  went  to  his  horse,  and  then  leaping  on  the  animal's 
back,  the  chieftain  gave  the  sign,  and  away  the  free  spirits  of 
the  brave  were  again  gallopping  towards  the  hazy  line  of  the 
horizon  ! 

This  robe,  during  my  sojourn  in  Glenville,  was  in  the  winter 
the  outer  cover  of  our  bed.  And  to  that  was  owing  one  of  my 
curious  dreams  : — a  vast  buffalo  bull,  stripped  of  his  skin  and 
charging  with  his  horns  upon  a  gigantic  Indian  in  an  open  prairie, 
while  the  Indian  kept  the  bull  at  bay  with  a  sugar  trough  in  one 
hand,  and  a  great  dirk  knife  in  the  other.  Only  think  !  reader — 
to  sleep  two  winters  in  a  log  cabin,  in  a  bran  New  Purchase, 
near  a  chieftain  and  a  warrior's  grave  enclosed  with  logs  and 
marked  by  a  stake  painted  red  !  and  under  the  hairy  hide  of  an 
enormous  prairie  bull ! — a  bull  killed  by  a  gigantic  Osage 
chief! — a  hide  dressed  by  his  squaw,  the  queen,  or  his  papooses, 
the  princesses  !  a  robe  bestowed  as  a  king's  reward  for  my 
brother-in-law's  courage  !  Take  care — I  feel  the  effect  even 
now — hurra — waw-ah  for  the  savage  life! — Hands  off! — let  me 
go.  I  must  go,  and  at  least  draw  a  lead  on  something  with  my 
rifle  ! — flash  ! — bang  ! 

The  surveyor's  party,  having  in  a  few  weeks  finished  their 
work,  commenced  descending  the  Missouri  in  a  canoe,  intending 
to  reach  the  place  where  they  had  left  their  horses ;  after  which 
they  would  proceed  by  land  to  the  rendezvous. 

One  night  as  they  were  borne  down  rapidly  by  a  very  strong 
current,  after  having  by  the  dim  starlight  barely  escaped  many 


THE     NEW      PURCHASE.  179 

real  snags,  planters,  drifts  and  the  like,  and  after  having  ima- 
gined in  the  obscurity  a  hundred  others,  they  were  at  length 
driving  towards  a  dark  mass ;  but  whether  real  or  not  could  at 
first  be  only  conjectured.  Alas  !  it  was  no  fancy  ;  but  before 
the  direction  of  the  canoe  could  be  altered,  it  was  driven 
violently  against  a  drift-island,  and  upsetting,  was  carried 
directly  under  it,  and  so  effectually  hid  or  destroyed  as  never 
to  be  seen  again.  One  man  at  the  instant  of  collision,  leaped 
upon  the  island :  the  others  were  thrown  into  the  water ;  but 
they  succeeded,  although  torn  and  bruised  in  the  attempt,  and 
with  much  difficulty,  in  gaining  the  floating  mass  and  getting  on 
it.  All  their  property,  provisions,  clothes,  surveying  instru- 
ments, guns,  etc.,  were  lost,  except  the  rifle  which  the  hunter  al- 
ways kept  in  his  hand,  the  clothes  on  their  persons,  and  the 
notes  and  records  of  the  surveys  which  Mr.  Glenville  had  acci- 
dentally put  early  that  evening  into  his  hat  and  pockets  ! 

The  comrades  now  made  a  survey  of  their  territory,  and 
found  they  owned  an  island  of  logs,  tree-tops  and  brush,  matted 
and  laced  every  way,  with  an  alluvion  of  earth,  sand  and  weeds ; 
tho  whole  running,  at  present,  due  north  and  south,  one  hun- 
dred yards,  with  easting  and  westing  of  nearly  fifty  yards.  No 
sign  of  human  habitation  was  visible  nor  trace  of  living  animal ; 
and  it  soon  became  morally  certain  the  island  was  desert : 
and  hence  our  friends  began  to  devise  means  of  abandoning  the 
involuntary  ownership.  But  the  sole  means  appeared  to  be  by 
swimming  :  and  in  that  was  great  hazard,  yet  it  must  be  done, 
unless  they  should  wait  for  accidental  deliverance.  After  a 
gloomy  council  it  was  unanimously  decided,  therefore,  to  swim 
away  from  their  island. 

The  hunter  immediately  offered  to  adventure  the  first ;  pro- 
mising, on  reaching  the  shore,  to  stand  at  the  best  landing  point, 
and  there  shout  at  intervals  as  a  guide  to  the  others.  Contrary 
to  all  entreaties  and  dehortations,  he  was  resolved  to  swim  with 
his  rifle — that  weapon  being,  in  fact,  always  in  his  hands  like 
an  integral  part  of  his  body.  His  only  reply  was — "  She's" — 
(rifles  in  natural  grammar  are  she's;  to  a  true  woodsman  a  rifle 
is  like  a  beloved  sister  •,  and  he  no  more  thinks  of  he-ing  and 


180 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 


him-mg,  or  even  it~iug  the  one  than  the  other) — "  she's  bin  too 
long  in  the  family,  boys,  to  be  desarted  without  no  attempt  to 
save  her ;  no,  no,  it's  not  the  fust  time  she's  bin  swimm'd  over 
a  river;  uncle  Bill,  arter  that  bloody  fight  with  the  Injins, 
jumped  down  the  cliff  with  her  and  swimm'd  her  clean  over  the 
Ohio  in  his  hand,  and  I  can  outrassle  and  outswim  uncle  Bill 
any  day  :  no,  no — we  sink  or  swim  together ;  so  good-by,  boys, 
here  goes,  I'll  holler  as  soon  as  I  git  foothold."  The  splashing 
of  the  water  drowned  the  rest ;  and  away  with  his  heavy  rifle 
in  one  hand,  and  striking  out  with  the  other,  swam  the  bold 
hunter;  till  borne  down  by  the  fierce  current  he  had  soon 
passed  out  of  sight  and  hearing. 

With  intense  anxiety  the  remaining  two  waited  for  their 
comrade's  promised  shout ;  but  no  noise  came  save  the  rushing 
of  the  boiling  and  angry  water  past  and  under  the  drift-wood. 
Twenty  long  minutes  had  elapsed,  and  yet  no  voice — ten  more 
— and  all  silence,  except  the  waters !  Could  it  be,  as  they  had 
all  along  dreaded,  that  the  hunter  was  indeed  sunk  with  his 
favourite  gun ! — or  had  he  been  carried  one  or  more  miles 
down  before  he  could  land  1  The  force  of  the  current  rendered 
this  probable ;  and,  therefore,  they  would  wait  an  hour,  to  give 
him  time  to  walk  up  the  bank  opposite  the  island  and  shout. 
But  when  that  long  and  dreadful  hour  had  elapsed,  and  no  voice 
of  the  living  comrade  yet  came  across  the  dark  and  tumultuous 
waves,  the  agony  of  the  hunter's  only  brother — for  such  was  the 
surveyor  on  the  drift  with  Glenville — became  irrepressible,  and 
he  said,  "I  must  see  what's  become  of  poor  Isaac — I  can't  stand 
it  any  longer,  here's  my  hand,  Glenville,  my  poor  boy- — fare- 
well ! — if  I  reach  the  shore  I'll  holler,  if  not,  why  we  must  all 
die — farewell."  The  next  instant  the  surveyor  was  borne 
away;  and  the  noise  of  his  swimming  becoming  fainter  and 
fainter  was  soon  imperceptible,  and  John  Glenville  stood  alone ! 

Keader,  my  brother-in:law  was  then,  compared  with  men, 
only  a  boy ;  and  yet  he  stood  there  alone  and  without  fear ! 
And  was  there  nothing  of  the  morally  sublime  in  that  1 — a  very 
young  man  thus  alone  in  the  middle  of  the  Missouri,  on  a  dark 
and  cold  night;  beyond  the  outskirts  of  civilized  life;  far 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  181 

enough  away  from  his  mother's  home,  and  affectionate  sisters; 
and  listening  for  the  shouts  of  that  second  swimmer — and  with- 
out fear?  True,  thoughts  of  his  mother  now  rushed  in  un- 
called ;  but  these  only  nerved  his  purpose,  and  he  resolved, 
with  God's  aid,  to  use  his  art  and  skill  for  their  sakes ;  or,  if  he 
must  perish  in  the  tumultuating  flood  of  the  wilderness,  to  die 
putting  forth  his  best  exertions  to  live — hark !  what  comes  like 
a  dying  echo  ? — can  it  be ! — yes,  hark !  it  comes  again,  the 
voice  of  the  second  swimmer — there  it  is  again !  Thank  God — 
one  is  safe,  but  where  is  the  other  1 

Thus  encouraged,  Glenville  prepared  for  his  conflict  with  the 
waves.  He  was  an  expert  swimmer,  and  often  in  early  boy- 
hood had  swum  from  Philadelphia  to  the  opposite  island  in  the 
Delaware.  Accordingly  he  divested  himself  of  all  clothes,  ex- 
cept shirt  and  pantaloons,  made  up  the  garments  taken  off  into 
a  small  bundle,  in  the  midst  of  which  securing  the  papers  of  the 
survey,  he  fastened  it,  together  with  his  hat,  between  his  shoul- 
ders, and  then,  wading  out  to  the  end  of  a  projecting  tree,  he 
earnestly  implored  God  for  help,  and  cast  himself  boldly  into 
the  turbid  waters  of  the  dark  and  eddying  flood.  He  swam 
now  as  much  as  possible  towards  the  point  whence  at  intervals 
was  borne  to  his  ears  the  shouting  of  his  comrade;  till,  in  some 
fifteen  minutes  he  landed  unhurt  and  not  greatly  wearied  about 
one  hundred  yards  below  the  voice,  whither  he  instantly  has- 
tened, and  to  his  heartfelt  joy,  was  soon  shaking  hands  not  only 
with  the  surveyor,  but  also  with  the  hunter.  Yes  !  poor  fellow 
— he  had  found  his  favourite  too  heavy,  and  one  arm,  powerful 
as  it  was,  too  weak  for  his  long  battle  with  a  king  of  floods. 
Long,  long,  very  long  had  he  held  to  his  gun ;  but  half-suffo- 
cated, his  strength  failing,  and  he  whirling  away  at  times  from 
the  shore  almost  reached,  to  save  his  life  he  had  at  last  slowly 
relaxed  his  grasp,  and  his  rifle  sank.  Yet  even  then  repenting, 
he  had  twice  gone  down  to  the  bottom  to  recover  the  weapon : 
and  happily,  failed  in  finding  it — for  his  strength  never  would 
have  sufficed,  encumbered  again  with  a  gun,  to  reach  the  land. 

Indeed,  when  he  gained  the  bank  he  was  barely  able  to  clam- 
ber up,  and  could  scarcely  speak,  or  even  walk,  when  discovered 


182  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

by  his  brother  :  who  had  easily  reached  the  shore  himself,  and, 
after  shouting  once  or  twice  to  Glenville,  had  gone  down  on  the 
bank  a  full  quarter  of  a  mile  before  finding  the  hunter. 

Upon  reconnoitering,  it  was  conjectured  that  they  must  be 
near  the  squatter's  hut,  with  whom  had  been  left  their  horses; 
and  hence  taking  a  course,  partly  by  accident  and  partly  by  ob- 
servation, not  long  after  they  were  cheered  by  the  distant  bark 
of  his  dogs,  and  next  by  the  gleam  of  fire  through  the  chinks  of 
his  cabin. 

In  the  morning  they  obtained  supplies  of  skins  and  blankets, 
agreeing  to  pay  their  host  if  he  would  go  with  them  to  the  ren- 
dezvous ;  which  he  did,  and  was  suitably  and  cordially  rewarded. 
It  was  now  perceived,  that  if  the  poor  hunter  had  left  his  rifle 
on  the  drift-island,  she  could  have  been  regained  by  means  of  a 
raft :  but  to  tell  where  she  had  been  abandoned  in  the  river  was 
impossible.  Our  hunter,  therefore,  came  away  disconsolate; 
and,  indeed,  as  from  the  grave  of  a  comrade — almost  in  tears! 


CHAPTER    XXIV. 

"Ac  veluti  summis  antiquam  in  montibus  ornum 
Ciim  ferro  accisam  crebrisque  bipennibus  instant 
Eruere  agricolse  certatim  :  ilia  usque  minatur, 
Et  tremefacta  comam  concusso  vertice  nutat: 
Yulneribus  donee,  paulatim  evicta,  supremuin 
Congemuit,  traxitque  jugis  avulsa  ruinam." 

OUR  party  reached  the  rendezvous  only  a  few  hours  beyond 
the  appointed  time.  Here,  as  a  bee-tree  had  been  just  reported, 
it  was  unanimously  determined  to  commemorate  the  deliverance 
and  safe  arrival  of  our  three  friends,  by  a  special  jollification. 
In  other  words,  it  was  voted  to  obtain  the  wild  honey  ;  and  then, 
in  a  compound  of  honey,  water  and  whiskey,  to  toast  our  un- 
drowned  heroes,  and  their  presence  of  mind  and  bravery  : — no 
small  honour,  if  the  trouble  of  getting  the  honey  is  considered. 
For,  on  following  the  serial  trail  of  the  bees,  the  hive  was  ascer- 


THE     NEW    PURCHASE.  183 

tained  to  be  in  a  hollow  limb  of  the  largest  patriarchal  sire  of 
the  forest — a  tree  more  than  thirty  feet  in  circumference  ! 

And  this  is  a  fair  chance  to  say  a  word  about  the  enormous 
circumambitudialitariness  (!)  of  many  western  trees.  It  is  com- 
mon to  find  such  from  six  to  seven  feet  in  diameter;  and  we 
have  more  than  once  sat  on  stumps,  and  measured  across  three 
lengths  of  my  cane,  nearly  ten  feet ;  and  found,  on  counting 
the  concentric  circles,  that  these  monsters  must  have  been  from 
seven  to  eight  hundred  years  old — an  age  greater  than  Noah's, 
and  almost  as  venerable  as  that  of  Methusaleh  !  Shall  we  feel 
no  sublimity  in  walking  amid  and  around  such  ancients  1 — trees 
that  have  tossed  their  branches  in  the  sun-light  and  winds  of 
eight  centuries  ! — that  have  scorned  the  tempests  and  tornadoes, 
whose  fury,  ages  ago,  prostrated  cities  and  engulfed  navies  ! — 
that  have  sheltered  wildfowl  in  their  leaves,  and  hid  wild  beasts 
in  their  caverns  from  the  dooms-day  looking  gloom  of  many 
total  solar  eclipses !  and  have  gleamed  in  the  disastrous  light 
of  comets  returning  in  the  rounds  of  centenary  circles ! 

Such  trees,  but  for  the  insidious  and  graceless  axe,  that  in  its 
powerlessness  begged  a  small  handle  of  the  generous  woods, 
such  would  yet  stand  for  other  centuries  to  come,  at  least  de- 
caying, if  not  growing :  they  are  herculean  even  in  weakness 
and  dying  !  And  dare  finical  European  tourists  say  we  have  no 
antiquity  ?  Poor  souls !  poor  souls  ! — our  trees  were  fit  for 
navies,  long  years  before  their  old  things  existed !  Ay,  when 
their  oldest  castles  and  cities  were  unwrought  rock  and  unburnt 
clay  !  Our  trees  belong  to  the  era  of  Egyptian  architecture — 
they  are  coeval  with  the  pyramids ! 

Near  the  junction  of  the  White  River  of  Indiana  and  the 
Wabash,  stands  a  sycamore  fully  ninety  feet  in  circumference  ! 
Within  its  hollow  can  be  stabled  a  dozen  horses;  and  if  a  per- 
son take  the  centre  of  the  ground  circle,  and  hold  in  his  hand 
the  middle  of  a  pole  fifteen  feet  long,  he  may  twirl  that  pole, 
and  yet  touch  no  part  of  the  inner  tree !  He  may,  as  did  Bishop 
Hilsbury,  mounted  on  a  horse,  ride  in  at  a  natural  opening,  can- 
ter round  the  area,  and  trot  forth  to  the  world  again !  But  to 
the  bee-tree. 


184  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

It  is  a  proverb,  "  He  that  would  eat  the  fruit  must  first  climb 
the  tree  and  get  it:"  but  when  that  fruit  is  honey,  he  that  wants 
it  must  first  cut  the  tree  down.  And  that  was  the  present  ne- 
cessity. No  sooner  was  this  resolved,  however,  than  prepara- 
tion was  made  for  execution ;  and  instantly  six  sturdy  fellows 
stood  with  axes,  ready  for  the  work  of  destruction.  They  were 
all  divested  of  garments  excepting  shirts  and  trowsers ;  and  now, 
with  arms  bared  to  the  shoulders,  they  took  distances  around 
the  stupendous  tree.  Then  the  leader  of  the  band,  glancing  an 
eye  to  see  if  his  neighbour  was  ready,  stepped  lightly  forward 
with  one  leg,  and  swinging  his  weapon,  a  la  Tom  Robinson,  he 
struck  ;  and  the  startled  echoes  from  the  "  tall  timber"  of  the 
dark  dens,  were  telling  each  other  that  the  centuries  of  a  wood- 
monarch  were  numbered !  That  blow  was  the  signal  for  the 
next  axe,  and  its  stroke  for  the  next ;  till  cut  after  cut  brought 
it  to  the  leader's  second  blow :  and  thus  was  completed  the  cir- 
cle of  rude  harmony ;  while  the  lonely  cliffs  of  the  farther 
shores,  and  the  grim  forests  on  this,  were  repeating  to  one  an- 
other the  endless  and  regular  notes  of  the  six  death-dealing  axes ! 
And  never  before  had  the  music  of  six  axes  so  rung  out  to  en- 
liven the  grand  solitudes  ! — and  a  smaller  number  was  not 
worthy  to  bid  such  a  tree  fall ! 

Long  was  it,  however,  before  the  tree  gave  even  the  slightest 
symptom  of  alarm.  What  had  it  cared  for  the  notching  of  a 
hundred  blows  !  Yet  chip  after  chip  had  leaped  from  the 
wounded  body — each  a  block  of  solid  wood— and  the  keen  iron 
teeth  were  beginning  to  gnaw  upon  the  vitals  !  Alas !  oh  !  no- 
ble tree,  you  tremble  !  Ah  !  it  is  not  the  deep  and  accustomed 
thunder  of  the  heavens,  that  shakes  you  now ! — no  mighty 
quaking  of  the  earth !  That  is  a  strange  shivering — it  is  the 
chill  shivering  of  death !  But  what  does  death  mean  where  ex- 
istence was  deemed  immortal !  Why  are  those  topmost 
branches,  away  off  towards  the  blue  heavens,  so  agitated  ! 
Tree ! — tree ! — no  wind  stirs  them  so  f — they  incline  towards  the 
earth  ! — away  !  hunters,  away,  away  !  Hark  ! — the  mighty 
heart  is  breaking  !  And  now  onward  and  downward  rushes 
yon  broad  expanse  of  top,  with  the  cataract  roar  of  eddying 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  185 

whirlwinds ;  and  the  far-reaching  arms  have  caught  the  strong 
and  stately  trees  ;  and  all  are  hurrying  and  leaping,  and  whirl- 
ing to  the  earth,  in  tempest  and  fury  !  Their  fall  is  heard  not ! 
In  the  overwhelming  thunder  of  that  quivering  trunk,  and  the 
thousand  crushings  of  those  giant  limbs,  and-  the  deep  groan  of 
the  earth,  are  lost  all  other  noises,  as  the  slight  crack  of  our 
rifles  amid  the  sudden  bursting  of  the  electric  cloud !  There 
lies  the  growth  of  ages  !  Once  more  the  sun  pours  the  tide  of 
all  his  rays  over  an  acre  of  virgin  soil,  barely  discerned  by  him 
for  centuries ! 

Well  might  Glenville  feel  rewarded  and  honoured,  when  for 
his  sake  such  a  tree  lay  prostrate  at  his  feet !  And  yet  in  all 
this  was  fulfilled  the  saying — the  sublime  and  ridiculous  are 
separated  by  narrow  limits;  for,  could  anything  be  grander 
than  such  a  tree  and  such  an  overthrow  ?  Could  any  be  meaner 
than  the  purpose  for  which  it  fell  1 — viz :  To  get  a  gallon  of 
honey  to  sweeten  a  Jceg  of  whiskey  ! 


CHAPTER    XXV. 

"  Provide  thee  proper  palfries,  black  as  jet 
To  hale  thy  vengeful  wagon  swift  away, 
And  find  out  murderers  in  their  guilty  caves." 

AFTER  many  other  trials  and  adventures  Glenville  returned 
safe  to  his  home  in  Kentucky.  Here  with  his  wages  he  loaded 
a  boat  with  "produce"  and  set  float  for  New  Orleans ;  intend- 
ing with  the  cash  realized  by  the  trip,  on  his  return,  to  go  into 
Illinois  with  a  stock  of  goods  and  "  keep  store." 

Glenville  did,  indeed,  get  home  and  with  some  money  from 
a  successful  sale ;  but  he  was  worn  and  emaciated,  and  many 
months  passed  before  he  could  cross  the  Ohio  and  set  up  his 
store.  But  evil  came  now  in  a  form  demanding  stout  heart 
and  steady  nerves.  Our  dark  and  illimitable  forests  then  hid 
men  of  lion  hearts,  of  iron  nerves,  of  sure  and  deadly  weapons ! 
Perhaps  such  dwell  there  yet ;  if  so,  wo !  to  the  enemy  that 


186  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

rashly  arouses  them  from  their  lairs  and  challenges,  where 
civilized  discipline  avails  not !  and  where  battle  is  a  thousand 
conflicts  man  to  man,  rifle  to  rifle,  knife  to  knife,  hatchet  to 
hatchet !  And  Glenville,  boy  as  he  was,  proved  himself  wor- 
thy a  name  among  the  lion-hearted  ! 

We  stood  once  on  a  solemn  spot  in  the  wilderness  and  leaned 
against  the  very  tree  where  the  bloody  knife  of  the  only  sur- 
vivor had  rudely  and  briefly  carved  the  tale  of  the  tragedy.  It 
stood  nearly  thus : 

"18  injins — 15  wites — injins  all  killed  and  buried  here — 14 
wites  kilPd  and  buried  too— P.  T." 

Laugh  away,  men  of  pomatum  and  essence,  at  Hoosiers,  and 
Corncrackers,  and  Buckeyes :  yes !  lace-coats,  mow  them  down 
in  an  open  plain  with  canister  and  grape,  you  safely  encased 
behind  bulwarks ;  or  cut  them  to  pieces  with  pigeon-breasted, 
mailed  and  helmed  cuirassiers — but  seek  them  not  as  enemies 
in  their  native  or  adopted  woods  !  The  place  of  your  graves 
will  be  notched  in  their  trees,  and  you  will  never  lie  under 
polished  marble,  in  a  fashionable  and  decorated  cemetery ! 

But  Glenville,  in  store-keeping  witnessed  a  farce  before  his 
tragedy.  Among  his  earthen  and  sham-Liverpool,  were  found 
some  articles,  similar  to  things  domesticated  in  great  houses, 
and  which,  although  not  made  unto  honour,  were  in  the  present 
case  very  unexpectedly  elevated  in  the  domestic  economy. 
These  modesties  occupied  a  retired  and  rather  dusky  part  of 
the  store ;  when  one  day  an  honest  female  Illinois — a  Sucker's 
wife — in  her  travels  around  the  room  in  search  of  crocks  sud- 
denly exclaimed :  "  Well !  I  never !  if  them  yonder  with  the 
handles  on,  aint  the  nicest  I  ever  seen !  Johnny,  what's  the 
price  ? — but  I  must  have  three  any  how ;  here  Johnny  do  up 
this  white  one — (rapping  it  with  her  knuckles) — and  them  two 
brown  ones  up  thare." 

A  large  purchase,  to  be  sure,  of  the  article ;  but  curiosity 
asked  no  questions :  and  in  due  time  the  trio  were  packed  and 
hanging  in  a  meal  bag  from  the  horn  of  the  lady's  saddle;  who, 
on  taking  leave,  thus  addressed  our  marvelling  shopkeeper : 

"  Mr.  Glenville,  next  time  you  go  gallin,  jist  gimme  and  my 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  187 

ole-man  a  call — we've  got  a  right  down  smart  chance  of  a  gall 
to  look  at — good-by." 

Our  hero,  who  had  early  discovered,  that  store-keeping  is 
none  the  worse  when  the  owner  is  in  favour  with  the  softer  sex, 
did  not  forget  this  invitation,  and  in  due  season  made  his  kind 
friends  a  visit :  and  when  supper  was  placed  on  the  table  by 
the  smiling  maid  and  her  considerate  mother,  what  do  you 
think  was  there  1 

"  Corn  bread  T' 

Hold  your  ear  this  way — (a  whisper.) 

"No!— he!  he!  he!"— 

Yes,  indeed,  and  doubledeed ! — the  white  one  full  of  milk ! ! 
And  after  that  you  know  our  humblest  democrat  may  well  look 
up  to  the  presidency. 

It  had  become  about  this  time  necessary  for  Mr.  G.  to  visit 
Louisville.  For  that  purpose,  he  left  his  store  in  charge  of  a 
young  man ;  the  latter  promising  among  other  things  to  sleep 
in  the  store ;  instead  of  which,  however,  he  always  slept  at  a 
neighbouring  cabin.  Hence  what  was  feared  happened — the 
store  was  robbed.  Not  truly  in  the  eastern  style,  of  small 
change  in  the  desk,  some  half  dozen  portable  packages,  or  pal- 
try three  dozen  yards  of  something — no  no,  the  robbery  was  on 
the  wholesale  principle  commensurate  with  the  vastness  of  our 
woods  and  prairies.  The  entire  stock  in  trade  was  carried  off — 
bales,  boxes,  bags,  packages,  and  even  yard-sticks  and  scales  to 
sell  by — yes !  and  hardware,  and  software,  and  brittleware — 
crocks  with  and  without  handles,  whatever  may  have  been  their 
standing  in  society — all,  all — were  taken !  so  that  when  the 
clerk  came  in  the  morning  to  retail  to  the  Suckers,  there  was, 
indeed,  a  beggarly  account — not  of  empty  boxes,  these  being 
mostly  carried  away — but  of  empty  shelves,  and  empty  desks, 
and  empty  store.  Glenville's  occupation  was  even  more  com- 
pletely gone  than  Othello's. 

On  the  river  bank  were,  indeed,  traces  enough  of  a  myste- 
rious departure  of  merchandise  ;  but  whether  the  embarkation 
had  been  in  skows,  or  "  perogues,"  and  other  troughlike  vessels, 
was  uncertain.  Nor  could  it  even  be  conjectured  for  what  p%rt 


188  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

the  store  had  been  spirited  away ;  or  for  what  secret  cove  or 
recess  of  tall  weeds  matted  into  texture  with  sharp  briars  and 
thorny  bushes ! 

Previous  to  Glenville's  return,  a  fellow  that  had  been  noticed 
lurking  in  the  woods  near  the  store  for  two  days  before  the 
robbery,  was  recognized  in  a  small  village,  the  day  after,  and  in 
suspicious  circumstances.  He  was,  therefore  apprehended; 
when,  after  a  short  imprisonment,  he  confessed  having  been 
employed  by  some  strangers  to  steer  a  flat-boat  loaded  with 
something  or  other  from  Glenville's  landing.  On  his  return, 
our  merchant  went  to  the  sheriff;  who,  indignant  at  a  villainy 
that  had  so  completely  ruined  a  very  young  man  after  years 
of  toil  and  danger  passed  in  acquiring  his  little  property,  did 
himself  suggest  and  offer  voluntarily  to  aid  in  a  scheme  to  com- 
pel the  prisoner  to  disclose,  at  least,  where  the  goods  were  con- 
cealed, and  before  they  should  be  removed  from  the  country  or 
ruined  by  the  damp. 

We  are  not  advocates  for  Lynching;  but  we  do  know  that 
where  laws  cannot,  and  do  not  protect  backwoodsmen,  they  fall 
back  on  reserved  rights,  and  protect  themselves.  We  know 
that  such  woodsmen  will  go  better  armed,  to  slay,  and  not  un- 
righteously, on  the  spot,  every  unholy  apostate  that  maliciously 
and  wilfully  strikes  down  and  stamps  on  God's  image !  And 
when  the  day  comes  that  the  avenger  of  a  brother's  blood  wakes 
in  our  land — let  no  canting  infidel  blame  those  that  now  resist 
the  abrogation  of  divine  laws ! — but  let  him  blame  hypocritical 
juries,  rabblerousing  governors,  and  all  that  are  now  deserting 
the  weak,  the  innocent,  the  unwary,  the  defenceless,  and  crying 
"God  pity,  and  defend,  and  save,  and  bless — the  murderer!" 
and  "  Shame  on  the  dead — poor  lifeless  victim  !" 

The  sheriff  and  Glenville,  with  two  fearless  and  voluntary  as- 
sociates, prevailed  on  the  jailor  to  loan  them  the  prisoner  for  a 
day  or  two,  making  known  their  scheme  and  giving  suitable 
pledges  for  his  redelivery.  The  loan  was  made  ;  and  then,  on 
reaching  a  fit  place,  the  prisoner  was  dismounted,  and  Glenville 
proposed  to  him  the  following  : 

&  My  friend,  we  know  very  well  you  helped  to  rob  my  store, 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE 


and  that  you  know  well  enough  where  your  comrades  are,  and 
how  the  goods  can  be  recovered  ;  now,  if  you  will  tell,  not  only- 
will  we  get  you  out  of  jail,  provided  you  will  leave  the  country, 
but  I  will  give  you  also  ten  dollars ;  but  if  you  won't  tell, 
why  then  we'll  flog  you  into  it — come,  what  do  you  say  1" 

"  Well,  he  be  some-thing'd  if  he  know'd  ;  and  if  he  did,  he 
wasn't  going  to  be  lick'd  into  tellin — and  he'd  sue  them  for  salt 
and  battery." 

Peril,  indeed,  was  in  this  illegal  process;  but  the  party  had 
good  reason  for  believing  the  fellow  a  desperate  robber,  and  so 
they  seemed  to  be  preparing  for  a  severe  flagellation,  when  he, 
supposing  all  was  solemn  earnest,  said  he  was  ready  to  confess, 
and,  provided  Mr.  G.  would  forgive  and  not  prosecute,  he  would 
conduct  the  present  party  to  the  plunder,  or  a  part  of  it.  The 
promise  was  readily  given,  and  the  fellow  was  unbound  and  re- 
mounted without  any  trammel,  but  with  this  comfortable  assur- 
ance, that  if  he  tried  to  escape  or  to  betray  them  into  any  ren- 
dezvous of  robbers,  he  should  be  instantly  shot  down,  and  that 
whether  they  died  themselves  for  it  or  not. 

The  fellow  accordingly  led  them  into  a  deep  ravine  on  Big 
Wolf  Creek  ;  and  there,  sure  enough,  some  in  a  cave  and  some 
in  a  hollow  tree,  were  portions  of  the  merchandise — it  being 
evident  also,  that  within  a  very  few  hours  a  still  larger  portion 
had  been  removed  to  some  other  depot !  By  the  force  of  ad- 
ditional threats,  promises  and  entreaties,  the  rascal  named  the 
other  robbers,  he  being  merely  a  subordinate  ;  but  as  no  small 
hazard  would  be  encountered  in  attacking  the  temporary  cabin, 
where  the  principal  robber  and  the  remaining  goods  were,  it 
was  determined,  first  to  get  additional  volunteers  and  make 
more  suitable  preparation.  Packing  the  damaged  and  soiled 
goods  on  their  horses,  the  sheriff's  party  returned  with  their 
prisoner  to  the  village  of  Shanteburg,  and  redelivered  him  to 
the  jailor,  intending,  if  his  information  proved  substantially  cor- 
rect, to  have  the  fellow  not  only  liberated,  but  otherwise  re- 
warded. 

Two  others  volunteered  to  join  in  the  robber-hunt.  And 
early  on  the  next  morning  they  came  in  sight  of  the  cabin. 


190  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

When  within  fifty  yards,  the  robber  stepping  to  his  door,  let  his 
rifle  fall  in  that  peculiar  manner  that  belongs  to  a  practised 
marksman,  at  the  same  time  warning  off  his  visitors,  and  sol- 
emnly swearing  he  would  kill  the  man  that  first  approached  his 
barricade.  At  the  instant,  however,  of  the  man's  appearance, 
and  even  before  he  had  fairly  uttered  a  word,  our  friends  had 
"  treed"  in  a  twinkling,  and  now  stood  with  pointed  weapons 
and  keen  eyes  towards  the  bold  thief.  Glenville,  on  leaping 
from  his  horse,  instead  of  treeing,  stood  boldly  out,  and  thus 
exclaimed,  loud  enough  to  be  heard  by  all :  "Sheriff,  you  are 
all  running  this  risk  for  me — 'tis  my  duty  to  lead.  I'll  attack 
the  scoundrel ;  if  he  shoots  me — avenge  my  death !"  With 
that  he  fearlessly  advanced  with  his  levelled  rifle,  and  then  halt- 
ing, called  to  the  villain :  "  Throw  down  your  gun — in  ten 
seconds  one  of  us  is  a  dead  man — one,  two,  three  :"  and  so  the 
two  stood,  each  with  his  bead  darkened  by  the  other's  breast — 
the  sheriff's  men,  also  unwilling  to  shed  blood — yet  with  a  finger 
every  man  on  his  set  trigger — till  Glenville  called  "  seven" — 
when  the  robber  suddenly  threw  up  his  muzzle,  and  cried  out 
"  surrendered !"  The  next  instant  he  was  seized  and  bound. 
This  was  the  leader.  His  main  accomplices  were  not  discovered, 
and  only  another  portion  of  the  stolen  goods ;  which,  together 
with  the  robber,  were  now  conveyed  in  triumph  to  Shanteburg. 
That  afternoon  the  fellow  was  lodged  in  jail,  and  of  necessity  in 
the  same  room  with  the  subordinate  thief:  yet,  while  all  possi- 
ble care  was  used  to  prevent  escape,  in  less  than  forty-eight 
hours  both  contrived  to  get  out !  and  from  that  hour  neither 
they,  nor  the  remainder  of  the  merchandize  was  ever  seen  or 
recovered. 

This  pleasant  adventure,  terminated  Mr.  G.'s  first  essay  at 
store-keeping.  It  gained  him,  however,  a  character,  and  no  one 
would  have  become  so  popular  in  the  New  Purchase,  but  for 
mistaken  opinions  in  the  neighbours  about  "  Mr.  Carlton's  big- 
buggery  and  stuckupness."  As  it  was,  Glenville  nearly  went 
over  Simpson  rough  shod.  And  all  these  little  affairs  aided  our 
firm  in  disappointments  and  losses ;  for  then  the  senior  would 
say — 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  191 

"  Well ! — we  might  have  had  better  luck." 

And  the  junior  would  reply, 

"  Why,  yes — and  another  consolation  :  this  is  not  the  first 
disappointment,  and  it  wont  be  the  last." 

We,  in  short,  thus  learned  to  imitate  the  sailor,  who,  in  wit- 
nessing a  conjuror's  tricks,  was  pitched  into  the  yard  by  the  ac- 
cidental blowing  up  of  some  gunpowder  ;  but  supposing  this  to 
be  one  of  the  tricks,  he  held  on  to  his  bench,  and  exclaimed : 
«  Well!— what  next?" 


CHAPTER    XXVI. 

" O  Cromwell !  Cromwell  I 

Had  I  but  served  my  God  with  half  the  zeal 
I  serv'd  my  King,  he  would  not  in  mine  age 
Have  left  me  naked  to  mine  enemies." 

Is  the  way  of  a  transgressor  hard?  that  of  a  politician  is  not 
much  easier.  He  is  usually  a  slave  first,  and  a  time-server 
afterwards.  In  the  Purchase,  the  sovereign  people  are  the  most 
uncompromising  task  masters ;  and  he  that  wishes  to  serve 
them,  had  better  first  take  a  trip  to  Egypt  and  learn  the  art 
of  doing  brick  without  straw.  In  certain  districts,  fitness, 
mental  and  moral,  is  a  secondary  qualification  in  a  candidate ; 
he  must  be  a  clever  fellow  in  the  broad  republican  sense.  For 
instance,  he  must  lend  his  saddle  to  a  neighbour,  and  ride  him- 
self bareback ;  he  must  buy  other  people's  produce  for  cash, 
and  sell  his  own  for  trade  or  on  credit ;  and,  on  certain  solemn 
occasions,  he  must  appear  without  a  coat,  and  in  domestic  mus- 
lin shirt-sleeves ; — his  overalls  hung  by  half  a  suspender,  and  a 
portion  of  the  above  named  muslin  curiously  pouched  between 
his  vest  and  inexpressibles.  His  face  must  wreathe,  or  wrinkle, 
with  endless  smiles ;  and  his  ungloved  hand  be  ready  for  a 
pump-handle  shake  with  friend  and  foe  alike :  because  a  foe 
often  presents  his  hand  to  ascertain  if  "  the  fellow  aint  too 
darn'd  proud  to  shake  hands  with  a  poor  man  !" 


192  THE     NEW      PURCHASE. 

Is  the  man  of  honour  invited  to  eat  ?  he  asks  no  questions 
for  conscience'  sake,  or  the  stomach's — the  two  things  being 
in  many  people  the  same.  Is  he  asked  to  stay  all  night  ?  he 
never  wonders  where  they  will  find  him.  a  bed — there  being 
only  three  in  the  room,  and  the  family  consisting  of  one  old 
man,  and  one  old  woman,  two  grown  sons,  three  daughters,  and 
some  little  folks — he  naturally  lies  down  on  the  puncheons, 
with  his  certificate  wallet  for  a  bolster.  Or  does  he  share  a  bed 
with  two  others'? — then  he  recollects  it  is  a  free  country,  and  if 
one  man  needs  votes,  another  needs  brimstone.  And  why  turn 
up  a  nose  at  an  odoriferous  blanket  ? — has  a  bed  any  right, 
natural  or  political,  to  more  than  one  sheet  1 — and  why  should 
not  the  sheet  be  under  and  the  blanket  above  you  1 — Let  go 
your  nose  !  has  not  a  long  succession  of  "  your  dear  fellow  citi- 
zens" slept  in  the  same  bed,  and  between  the  same  articles ;  and 
what,  pray,  are  you  better  than  they  to  wish  clean  things  ?" 
"  Yes — but  I'm  nearly  stifled."  Tut  man ! — you'll  never  mind 
it  when  you  get  to  sleep.  "  But  it  certainly  will  kill  me  f 
Not  it :  men  of  honour  are  not  so  easily  destroyed. 

"  And  do  any  politicians  endure  all  this  V 

Certainly  :  and  persons  who  aspire  to  rule  ought  surely  first 
to  serve.  Many  remarkable  men  in  Congress,  be  it  known,  had 
a  long  training  in  some  Purchase — their  meannesses  are  not  of 
toadstool  growth,  if  they  are  of  toadstool  flavour. 

Reader  !  are  you  religious  1  Then  do  write  a  tract  to  be 
scattered  any  where  on  election  days  ;  and  here  is  your  text  or 
theme : — "  Give  diligence  to  make  your  calling  and  election 
sure."  Among  other  matters,  set  forth  how  it  requires  not  one- 
fourth  the  labour,  toil,  anxiety,  watchfulness  and  none  of  the 
base  sacrifices  of  time,  comfort  and  independence  to  save  a  man's 
soul  as  to  win  an  election;  and,  how  the  worldly  honour  is  not 
worth  after  all  even  the  worldly  price  paid  for  it,  and  much  less, 
the  immortal  soul  usually  thrown  in  with  the  rest  to  boot. 

We,  of  course,  did  not  do  some  things,  and  hence  Mr.  Glen- 
ville  was  soon  permitted  to  remain  in  private  life  ;  still  we  were 
compelled,  for  electioneering  objects,  to  attend  this  summer, 
several  Log-Rollings.  For  the  benefit  of  our  surplus  young 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  193 

lawyers,  and  other  ambitious  gentlemen  who  have  neither  trades 
nor  stores,  and  who  are  desirous  of  rising  above  the  political 
horizon,  and  are  meditating  to  emigrate  to  the  west,  we  shall 
here  give  a  full  account  of  one  Grand  Log-Rolling,  which  Glen- 
ville  and  Co.,  attended  this  season. 

On  reaching  the  place,  we  found  a  large  and  motley  assembly 
of  fellow-creatures — men,  women,  boys,  girls,  horses,  oxen, 
dogs — all  of  whom,  and  which,  came  either  to  aid  or  listen,  ex 
cept  the  dogs,  and  these  came  simply  out  of  philanthropy. 
They  spent  the  time  mainly  in  wagging  their  tails,  barking  at 
rolling  logs,  and  thrusting  in  their  noses  wherever  there  was  a 
pretext  for  seeming  busy  while  others  were  so  hard  at  work  ; 
and  yet,  excepting  some  three  dozen  snakes,  four  skunks,  two 
opossums  and  a  score  or  two  of  insignificant  field  rats  and  mice 
and  ground  squirrels,  the  dogs  caught  nothing  the  whole  blessed 
day. 

Indeed,  some  secretly  thought  it  would  have  been  just  as  well 
if  the  musk-cats  had  been  allowed  to  escape,  for,  after  their  cap- 
ture, the  dogs  were  not  altogether  so  agreeable ;  yet  no  candi- 
date or  candidate's  friends  or  even  their  enemies  kicked  or 
whipped  a  favourite  wag-tail.  It  was  hardly  politic  to  curl  your 
nose.  What  was  a  fellow  fit  for,  that  minded  such  things  1 — 
was  he  the  man  to  go  to  the  legislature  and  carry  skins  to  a 
bear  ? 

The  whole  intended  field,  however,  was  resounding  with  all 
kinds  of  cries,  noises,  and  echoes,  such  as  shouts — orders — coun- 
terorders — encouragements — reproaches — whoas,  gees  and  haws 
— hold-on's  and  let-go's,  and  that's  your  sort's — up  with  kirn's 
to  male  logs,  pull  her  this  way,  to  female  ones,  and  down-with- 
it  to  neutrals;  with  clatter  of  axes  and  tomahawks;  the  thunder 
of  rolling  trunks ;  the  crash  of  brush  ;  the  crackling  of  flames : 
and,  over  all,  agreeably  to  Gardiner's  "  Music  of  Nature,"  were 
heard  the  shrill  outcries  of  females ;  the  screeching  of  boys  ; 
the  snorting  and  winnowing  of  horses ;  and  the  howling  and 
barking  of  dogs  !  Never  was  scene  more  exciting ;  and  our  ap- 
pearance in  working  trim,  was  hailed  with  the  most  enthusiastic 
cheering ;  which  compliment  being  suitably  returned,  we 
9 


194  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

speedily  joined  the  nearest  working  party.  As  for  myself, 
surely  I  never  did  halloa — (holler) — louder  in  my  life  :  and  I 
certainly  never  did  work  harder  for  a  whole  entire  hour,  dressed 
en  costume,  to  wit : — in  tow-trowsers,  cow-hide  boots,  and  un- 
bleached hemp  linen  shirt,  but  without  coat  or  vest,  and  with 
shirt  sleeves  rolled  above  the  elbows. 

We  did  not  attend  the  gathering,  purely  out  of  rabblerousing 
feelings ;  we  wanted  to  hear  the  speech  of  ours  John  intended 
to  let  off  at  Jerry  :  for  something  was  expected  to-day  of  Glen- 
ville,  and  he  was  only  a  novice  in  stump  elocution,  and  so  we 
had,  being  "  high  larn'd"  and  a  "  leetle"  of  a  politician,  made 
John's  first  speech  ourselves !  Had  John  been  as  great  a  nin- 
compoop as  Jerry,  he  could  just  as  readily  have  spoken  nonsense 
off  hand  ;  but  he  knew  too  much  to  speak  sense  without  prepa- 
ration: and  so  Mr.  Carlton  had  prepared  the  maiden  speech. 
This,  however,  our  friend,  like  some  manuscript  preachers,  de- 
livered more  than  once  ;  yet  always  with  variations  and  addi- 
tions, till  at  last  the  very  theme  and  text  were  both  changed, 
and  our  stump-orator  gave,  towards  the  end  of  the  campaign, 
a  much  better  speech  than  he  had  commenced  with. 

Our  historian,  as  has  been  hinted,  did  not  figure  a  very  long 
time  with  the  handspike,  having  luckily  discovered  some  pretext 
for  soon  joining  a  squawking  and  frolicsome  squad  of  boys,  girls 
and  young  women,  engaged  in  the  "niggering-off."  Where  it  is 
designed  to  make  "  a  clearing,"  the  owner  has  the  trees,  cut 
down,  or  "  deadened  ;"  that  is  girdled  by  a  deep  cut,  two  inches 
wide.  If  the  majority  of  the  trees  are  thus  girdled,  the  field  is 
called — "  a  deadening," — otherwise  it  is  "  a  clearing."  Now,  it  is 
to  a  clearing  the  log-rolling,  or,  for  brevity's  sake,  "  a  rolin,"  per- 
tains. In  order  to  the  rolling,  the  owner  has  had  all  prostrate 
trunks  cut  into  suitable  lengths,  and  the  bushy  tops  preserved 
as  fuel  for  the  log-heaps ;  still  many  trees  remain  to  be  prepared 
even  on  the  grand  rolling  day  ;  and  such  of  course  require  the 
neighbours'  axes  and  hatchets. 

In  fifty  or  more  places  of  the  clearing,  in  many  parts  of  the  same 
prostrate  trunk,  logs  are  making,  and  with  wonderful  celerity, 
by  another  process — an  almost  noiseless  process,  too,  and  re- 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  195 

quiring,  like  Yankee  factories,  only  women,  girls  and  children.- 
And  this  is  the  nigger  ing -off.  It  is  thus  performed  :  A  small 
space  is  hacked  into  the  upper  side  of  the  trunk,  and  in  that  for  a 
while  is  maintained  a  fire, fed  with  dry  chips  and  brush;  then  at 
right  angles  with  the  prostrate  timber,  is  laid  in  the  fire  a  stick  of 
some  green  wood,  dry  fuel  being  yet  added  at  intervals,  till  the 
incumbent  stick,  sinking  deeper  and  deeper  into  the*  burning 
spot,  in  no  very  long  time,  if  properly  attended,  divides  or  nig- 
gers the  trunk  asunder. 

The  terms  of  this  art  are  derived  from  the  marvellous  resem- 
blance the  ends  of  charred  logs  have  to  a  negro's  head — another 
fact  on  which  abolitionists  may  dilate  with  great  pathos  in  the 
next  batch  of  popular  lectures,  on  the  wickedness  of  our  preju- 
dices ;  although,  it  must  be  remembered,  that  our  black  rascals 
out  there  invented  the  term  themselves  ! 

The  axe  is  truly  a  mighty  agent  in  the  civilization  of  new 
countries.  Fire  is  a  greater — and  only  in  a  New  Purchase, 
and  in  the  niggering  operation  is  the  famous  copy-book  sen- 
tence illustrated  properly — "  Fire  is  a  bad  master,  but  a  good 
servant:"  its  mastership  belongs  to  our  log-burnings.  With- 
out the  aid  of  fire,  the  stoutest  heart  must  be  appalled  at  the 
thought  of  hewing  out  with  the  axe  a  farm  from  our  forests ; 
and  yet  with  the  aid  of  fire,  even  females  may  achieve  that  en- 
terprise. 

When  the  logs  are  all  cut,  or  niggered,  they  are  then  rolled*  and 
dragged  together,  in  different  parts  of  the  clearing ;  and  usually 
to  the  vicinity  of  some  huge  tree"  deadened,  or  perhaps  living, 
and  waving  its  melancholy  arms  over  the  mutilated  bodies  and 
mangled  limbs  of  its  slain  children  and  friends.  Ah  !  happy  if 
the  tree  be  dead ;  for  it  is  destined,  if  not  dead,  to  a  dreadful 
end — to  be  burned  alive  !  Oh,  poor  tree !  thy  former  friends 
are  compelled  to  become  thy  worst  enemies — their  several 
trunks  are  gigantic  faggots  !  Alas !  the  pile  rising  up,  as  log 
after  log  rolls  heavily  against  thy  quivering  column,  amid  our 
labour,  and  shouting,  and  uproar,  that  pile,  now  surrounded, 
and  crowned  with  a  tangled  world  of  brushwood,  is  thy  sump- 
tuous and  magnific  pyre  !  Monarch !  of  a  thousand  years,  thou 


196  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

shalt  die  a  kingly  death  !  Nor  wouldst  thou  be  spared — only 
to  sigh  among  strange  harvests,  soon  to  spring  around — to  sigh 
for  the  shades  and  shadows,  and  touching  branches  and  kissing 
leaves  of  departed  trees  !  No — thou  wouldst  not  choose  to 
survive  thy  race ! 

The  piles  are  sometimes  lighted  at  the  end  of  the  rolling ; 
oftener  by  the  settler's  family  at  their  leisure.  To-day,  how- 
ever, as  we  were  a  very  large  party,  and  had,  therefore,  finished 
the  rolling  early  in  the  afternoon,  it  was  resolved,  that  imme- 
diately after  the  candidates  should  have  done  speaking,  all  the 
heaps  and  piles  should  be  kindled  at  once.  Now,  to  their  praise 
be  it  forever  recorded,  that  both  John  and  Jerry  had,  as  their 
friends  allowed,  "  worked  most  powerful  hard  and  steady  :" 
but  their  enemies  must  determine  whether  this  diligence  was 
out  of  disinterested  love  to  the  settler,  or  with  a  single  eye  to 
the  vote  of  the  settler's  eldest  son,  who,  as  his  father  acciden- 
tally remarked,  would  be  entitled  to  a  vote  at  the  next  election. 
Indeed,  as  the  zealous  partizans  had  closely  imitated  their  re- 
spective candidates,  more  unfigurative,  practical  and  innocent 
log-rolling  was  done  to-day  than  was  ever  witnessed  ;  and  I  se- 
cretly made  up  my  mind  that  our  next  log-rolling  in  Glenville 
should  happen  just  before  the  fall  election  ;  when  we  could  get 
the  opposing  candidates  to  lead  the  work.  It  is  not  improbable 
that  our  host  to-day  had  had  the  same  thought ;  at  all  events, 
our  candidates  certainly  sweat  for  their  expected  honours  ;  and 
if  John  did  gain  them,  he  worked  for  them — but  Jerry  !  alas  ! 
he  toiled  in  vain  !  And  alas  !  it  blistered  my  hands  !  But  then, 
after  this  I  was  unanimously  voted  "  a  right  down  powerful 
clever  sort  of  a  feller!"  and  more  than  one  very  pretty  young 
woman  "  allowed  she'd  be  Mr.  Carltin's  second  wife,  when  his 
old  woman  died !" 

After  all,  candidates  are  of  some  use  ;  and  the  great  majority 
can  do  more  good  in  natural  log-rolling  than  in  the  metaphorical 
sorts  common  among  the  dirk  and  pistol  lawgivers  of  delibera- 
tive assemblies.  Nay,  a  very  few  hundreds  of  rival  and  zealous 
candidates  would,  in  a  year  or  so,  if  judiciously  driven  under 
proper  task-masters,  clear  a  very  considerable  territory. 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  197 

As  Mr.  Jerry  Simpson  declined  speaking,  the  candidate  to- 
day stood  not  on  a  stump  to  make  his  address,  but  on  a  very 
large  log  heap,  sustained  by  a  living  oak  more  than  three  hun- 
dred years  old  ! — an  incident  to  me  full  of  interest.  Our  first 
speech — the  first  of  the  sort  I  ever  wrote — the  first  he  ever  ut- 
tered— our  first  speech  was  poured  forth  over  the  ruins  of  great- 
ness— a  prostrate  wilderness  !  The  youthful  speaker,  the  dear 
friend  of  many  years,  stood  on  a  funeral  pyre !  while  above 
him  waved  the  sheltering  branches  of  the  tree,  soon  to  be  sacri- 
ficed and  writhe  in  a  tempest  of  fire  !  And  ours  was  the  first, 
the  last,  the  only  oration  ever  made  by  a  Christian  under  its 
protection  !  the  grand  old  tree  seeming  to  wonder  at  the  semi- 
civilization  that  had  wrought  such  havoc  in  its  domain — while  it 
knew  not  that  the  ceasing  of  Glenville's  voice  would  be  a  signal 
for  lighting  the  fires  ! 

The  speech  need  not  be  described.  It  was,  of  course,  rather 
ad-captandumish ;  well  written,  however,  but  still  better  deliv- 
ered and  handsomely  varied.  Hence,  if  it  gained  no  new  votes, 
it  secured  the  old  ones.  And  that  is  no  light  praise,  where  a 
word,  a  look,  a  gesture,  or  even  a  smile  changes  voters.  Not 
to  lose  is  then  to  gain.  The  new  settlers  acted  with  the  strict- 
est impartiality — they  divided  their  interest.  The  father  had 
"know'd  Jerry's  father,  and  often  heern  tell  of  Jerry  himself — 
and  so  he  would  never  d'sart  an  old  friend ;"  "but  the  son, 
"  darn'd  his  eyes  (a  peculiar  kind  of  stitching)  if  he  wouldn't 
go  for  Glenville ;  as  cos  he  hisself  was  a  young  man,  and  so 
was  tother — and  as  cos  he'd  give  him  a  sort  of  start  in  his 
clearing,  he'd  give  him  a  sort  of  start  as  a  public  funkshune'er." 
And  thus  the  balance  of  power  was  adjusted  to  a  nicety ;  and 
thus,  also,  if  the  new  comers  did  neither  party  any  good  they 
did  them  no  harm:  pay  enough  for  a  hard  day's  work,  consider- 
ing. For,  certainly,  a  wide  difference  must  appear  between 
having  nothing  in  your  favour  and  two  somethings  against  you, 
and  so  it  was  now ;  hence  John  and  Jerry  felt — or  at  least  said 
so — as  much  gratitude  as  if  they  had  received  not  a  negative 
quantity,  but  a  positive  favour. 

The  speech  ended,  we  were  divided  into  Firing  Committees 


198  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

to  light  the  different  piles :  after  which  was  to  be  a  grand  sup- 
per previous  to  going  home.  Very  soon  then  at  each  heap, 
were  assembled  about  half  a  dozen  men,  while  in  all  directions 
were  tearing,  scampering,  screeching,  and  yelling  women,  boys, 
girls,  dogs  and  puppies — some  carrying  fire  on  clapboard  shin- 
gles— some  with  remnants  of  burning  niggering  sticks — others 
with  dry  and  blazing  wood — and  the  canine  helps,  some  with 
sticks  and  chips  in  their  mouths,  and  some  with  the  dead  snakes 
and  polecats — so  that  almost  instantly  and  simultaneously  fires 
were  kindled  in  several  parts  of  each,  and  every  heap  and  pile 
throughout  the  whole  clearing.  Combustibles  had  been  built 
in  with  the  piles ;  and  now  a  gentle  wind  was  fanning  all  into 
devouring  flames.  Yet,  after  the  first  crackling  blaze,  the  fires 
subsiding,  became,  at  a  short  distance,  barely  visible;  save  in 
parts  where  dry  logs  had  become  quickly  ignited ;  and  there  a 
taper-pointed  intense  flame,  shooting  up,  would  remain  fixed  a 
few  seconds,  and  then  trembling  from  its  own  gathering  fury,  it 
would  rise  higher  and  higher,  and  ever  expanding  its  base  as  it 
elevated  the  apex. 

But  by  the  time  our  feast  was  ended,  and  the  shadows 
lengthening  from  the  forest  told  the  coming  reign  of  darkness, 
a  hundred-hundred  fierce  points  of  taper  flame  gleamed  in  wrath 
from  every  crevice,  or  darted  from  the  dense  clouds  of  black 
smoke ;  and  in  many  places,  several  points  had  united  their 
bases,  and  were  now  in  one  broad  fiery  mass,  careering  in  spi- 
ral columns  of  mingled  darkness  and  light.  Now  fiercer  winds 
were  rushing  into  the  vacuum.  The  equilibrium  disturbed 
through  an  aerial  circumference  of  many  leagues'  diameter, 
the  storm  spirits  aroused  and  excited,  came  flying  on  the 
wings  of  a  sudden  earth-born  tempest!  This  augmented  the 
number  and  intensity  of  the  flames;  and  these,  augmented, 
invoked  in  their  madness  more  furious  winds,  till  a  broad,  deep 
and  awful  tide  of  air  poured  through  the  clearing,  with  the  force 
and  vengeful  roar  of  the  hurricane !  and  up  leaped  all  the  fires 
in  frightful  columns  and  pyramids  of  living  flames  quivering  with 
wild  wrath,  and  coiling,  like  demon-serpents,  around  and  up  the 
mighty  trees  that  sustained  the  pyres !  Here  and  there  sheets 


THE     NEW    PURCHASE.  190 

of  flame  thrown  forth  horizontally,  and  seemingly  by  an  inter- 
vening body  of  smoke,  detached  from  the  mass  of  fire,  resem- 
bled clouds  on  fire,  and  burning  up  from  their  own  lightning ! 

No  breath  of  life  could  any  longer  be  drawn  in  that  field  of 
fire !  It  was  abandoned  as  a  wide  tumultuating  flood,  where 
unseen  and  dreadful  spirits  held  a  terrific  revel  amidst  the  roar, 
and  crash,  and  thunder  of  flaming  whirlwinds ! 

Far  and  wide  the  forest  was  grandly  illuminated;  and  in 
returning  home  I  often  looked  back  and  saw  the  noble  trees  at 
the  pyres,  tossing  their  mighty  arms  and  bowing  their  spread- 
ing tops  for  mercy  and  succour — like  beings  sending  forth  cries 
of  agony  unheard  in  that  fiery  chaos  !  Our  home  was  several 
miles  from  this  clearing,  but  the  next  night,  on  ascending  the 
bluff  on  the  creek,  we  could  yet  see  in  that  quarter  a  lurid  sky, 
and  now  and  then  fitful  gleams  of  brightness ;  and  even  a  week 
after,  as  I  passed  that  clearing,  the  arena  was  yet  smoking,  al- 
though nothing  remained  of  that  part  of  the  primeval  forest, 
save  heaps  of  ashes  and  a  few  blackened  upright  masses  that 
for  so  many  centuries  had  been  the  living  bodies  of  the  lately 
martyred  trees ! 


CHAPTER    XXVII. 

"A  merrier  man 

"Within  the  limit  of  becoming  mirth 
I  never  spent  an  hour's  talk  withal, 
So  sweet  and  voluble  is  his  discourse." 

READER,  will  you  be  asked  a  question  ? 

"  Certainly." 

Do  you  ever  go  to  the  post-office  ? 

"  What  a  question  !" 

Well,  but  are  you  thankful  for  a  daily  mail  ? 

"  Pshaw  !  I  never  think  about  it." 

Just  as  I  supposed.  I  was  a  thoughtless  person  myself,  once. 
Now,  however,  I  am  thankful  to  Uncle  Samuel  every  time  I 
walk  to  the  post-office. 


200  THE     NEW    PURCHASE. 

In  our  part  of  the  Purchase  the  nearest  office  to  Glenville 
was  at  Spiceburg,  always  nine  miles  off,  sometimes  two  or 
three  more.  To  that  office  the  mail — if  such  may  be  called  a 
dirty,  famished,  napping,  scrawny  pair  of  little  saddlebags,  con- 
taining three  or  four  letters  in  one  end,  and  half  a  dozen  news- 
papers in  the  other — the  mail  came  regularly  (in  theory)  once 
a  month,  till  the  Hon.  J.  Glenville  exerted  himself  in  favour  of 
his  constituents,  and  then  it  came  very  irregularly  once  in  two 
weeks.  Sometimes  there  was  an  entire  failure  in  the  saddlebags' 
arrival.  And  this  was  occasioned  by  the  clerk  at  Woodville 
Office,  who,  whenever  he  discovered  no  letters  for  Spiceburg 
retained  the  papers  for  private  edification,  and  to  be  forwarded 
next  mail :  at  least  Josey  Jackson,  our  postmaster,  said  so. 
Sometimes  our  mail  failed  because  of  high  waters  ;  although 
our  post-boy,  Jack  Adams,  a  spunky  little  chap,  would  often  in 
such  cases  swim  over:  but  then  the  half-starved  wallet  was 
twice  washed  away  ;  and  when  recovered,  the  news  in  both  let- 
ters and  papers  was  too  diluted  and  washy  for  any  practical 
purpose. 

Reader,  it  was  truly  sickening,  after  waiting  four  endless 
weeks  with  the  most  exemplary  impatience,  and  after  toiling, 
not  over,  but  through  a  road  always  nearly  impassable,  and 
when  passable  full  of  peril,  to  learn  that  no  mail  would  arrive 
till  next  month ;  or  what  was  even  worse,  that  it  had  indeed 
come,  but  with  only  one  letter,  and  that  maybe  for  the  Big- 
Bear-wallow  settlement  !*  No  wonder  we  finally  ceased  from 
all  correspondence,  contenting  ourselves  with  hiring  a  man,  for 
a  remnant  of  sole  leather,  to  bring  our  newspapers  when  he 
could  get  them :  which  luckily  he  did  as  often  as  once  in  three 
months !  No  wonder  during  all  our  western  sojourn,  the  world 
never  heard  of  us :  arlthough  in  this  we  had  a  very  ample  re- 
venge, as  in  that  time,  we  heard  nothing  of  the  world. 

But  this  autumn  I  expected  a  letter  from  my  old  friend 
Clarence;  and  so,  on  a  delightful  September  morning,  off  I 
started,  confident  of  finding  his  letter.  The  road,  also,  was  less 

*  All  things  out  there  are  big :  if  two  things  of  the  same  name  are  to  bo  distinguished, 
one  is  called  big,  and  the  other  powerful  big. 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  201 

bad;  and  with  diligence  we  should  get  home  about  the  middle 
of  the  afternoon.  And  Dick,  too,  was  in  high  spirits ;  for  he 
always  regarded  as  a  holiday,  the  exchange  of  the  bark  mill  for 
such  a  jaunt;  and  he  now  trotted  along  the  bottomland  with 
voluntary  and  most  uncommon  speed  till  of  a  sudden  the  old 
fellow  scented,  or  saw,  or  heard  something  which  made  him 
very  fidgetty  and  uneasy. 

What  could  it  be?  Dick,  it  was  known,  had  some  finical 
ways,  but  he  was  now  manifestly  alarmed,  and  made  some  des- 
perate attempts  to  wheel — when,  sure  enough,  a  strange  figure 
emerged  from  the  tall  rank  weeds  into  the  road  before  us,  and 
continued  to  move  in  front,  apparently  never  having  noticed  our 
approach.  This  figure  was  undeniably  human;  and  yet  at 
bottom  it  seemed  a  man,  for  there  were  a  man's  tow-linen 
breeches ;  at  top  a  woman  ;  for  there  was  the  semblance  of  a 
short  gown,  and,  indeed,  a  female  kerchief  on  the  neck,  and  a 
sun-bonnet  on  the  head !  Then  again  the  apparition  wore 
enormous  masculine  leather  boots,  and  under  one  arm  carried  a 
club ;  although  both  of  the  hands  seemed  to  be  holding  above 
the  hips,  rolls  of  woollen  cloth,  very  much  like  a  furled  petticoat ! 
Whether  the  affair  would  turn  out  a  man  dressed  in  woman's 
upper  articles,  or  a  woman,  in  man's  lower  ones,  was  to  be  dis- 
covered. The  suspense,  however,  was  not  long ;  for  at  the 
noise  of  Dick's  sneezing — who  saw  how  matters  stood,  and 
gave  warning  by  way  of  delicacy — the  hands  of  the  figure 
instantly  relaxed  their  hold  on  the  linsey  rolls ;  and  down 
dropped  a  sudden  curtain  all  round  over  breeches  and  boots,  in 
the  shape  of  a  veritable  petticoat !  and  before  us  walked  a  gen- 
uine daughter  of  the  woods ! 

The  universally  favourite  attire  of  females  (indescribables) 
is  not,  we  presume,  to  be  traced  to  French  milliners,  male  or 
female.  It  originated  in  the  necessities  of  a  new  country,  where 
women  must  hunt  cows  hid  in  tall  weeds  and  coarse  grass,  in 
dewy  or  frosty  mornings.  And  to  that  is  owing  brief  frocks  ; 
although  out  there,  such  when  allowed  to  fall  to  the  natural 
hang  of  the  articles,  shut  from  view  the  indescribables — or  very 
nearly  so.  Dressed  thus  in  the  husband's  boots  as  well  as  his 
9* 


202  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

thingamies — the  limbs  of  which  are  worn  as  our  fathers  wore 
them  within,  and  not  without  the  boots — our  fair  lady  this 
morning,  bade  defiance  to  wet  grass,  running  briars,  snake-bites, 
ticks,  and  all  and  every  evil  incident  to  cow-hunting ! 

Of  course  we  exchanged  compliments  on  passing ;  but  Dick 
was  so  dumb-founded  by  the  miraculous  transformation  at  the 
sudden  fall  of  the  screen,  that  he  shyed  and  passed  without  a 
A-ord.  The  truth  is,  I  was  all  but  frightened  myself! 

I  need  not  tell  -all  the  silly  things  that  entered  my  mind  at 
the  thought  of  such  an  exhibition  in  certain  places  and  assem- 
blies— but  I  was  not  fairly  recovered  on  reaching  Spiceburg ; 
and  the  event  had  perhaps  rather  increased  my  good-nature, 
and  encouraged  the  hope  of  finding  a  long-expected  letter.  On 
Approaching  the  cabin-office,  and  while  hanging  Dick  to  a  gate 
post,  a  glimpse  caught  of  Josey  trying  to  escape  out  of  a  back 
door  into  the  woods  gave  me  a  sudden  pang ;  for  this  was 
Josey's  way  of  getting  off,  when  there  were  no  letters  for  his 
friends,  leaving  the  matter  of  explanation  to  his  wife  as  he 
"  naterally  hated,"  he  said,  "to  see  folks  so  powerful  disapinted." 
But  I  was  too  quick,  and  so  hailed : 

"  Hillo  !  the  house,  Josey  !" 

"  Ah  !  hillo ;  how  are  you  ?  come  walk  in — I  was  a  sort  a 
steppin  round  the  other  way — powerful  fine  day." 

"  Very — Well.  Josey,  anything  this  time  f 

"  Well — there  was  three  letters  and  some  papers  kirn  day 
afore  yesterday — but  I  wan't  in — and  Polly,  she  put  them 
away — and  I  aint  heern  her  say  that  there  was  anything  for 
your  settlement  up  thare." 

"  Why,  Josey,  one  must  be  for  me ;  it  can't  be  possible  the 
letter,  that  a  month  ago  was  to  be  here,  is  not  come  this 
mail !" 

"  Well — I  should  a  sort  a  think  one  of  them  mought  be  the 
letter.  Glenville's  goin  a-head  most  powerful  in  this  part  of 
the  district — Jerry's  a  clever  feller — but  we  go  tother  way 
down  here :  if  Glenville  gits  in,  we'll  try  old  Uncle  Sam,  and 
have  the  mail  twice  a  month  in  these  here  diggins." 

"  Yes.,  but  if  they  manage  no  better  at  Woodville  or  some 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  203 

other  place,  we  shall  only  be  disappointed  twice  a  month  instead 
of  once." 

"  He  !  he !  he ! — yes — well,  let's  go  back,  Mr.  Carltin,  and 
take  a  look." 

Josey's  wife  now  appeared  en  dishabille,  being  occupied  with 
her  wash-tub  in  the  space  between  the  cabin  and  the  kitchen ; 
when  Josey,  to  prepare  and  smooth  the  way  to  my  disappoint- 
ment, said  to  his  lady : 

"  See  here,  Polly !  don't  you  think  one  of  them  thare  three 
letters  mought  be  for  Mr.  Carltin  ?" 

"  Nan !"  (she  heard  well  enough.) 

"  Don't  you.  think  one  of  them  thare  three  letters  what  kim 
day  afore  yesterday,  mought  be  for  Mr.  Carltin  1" 

"  Well,  no,  I  don't  jist  ezactly  mind — (remember) — but  I  a 
sorter  allow  maybe  prehaps  two's  for  the  Snake  Run  Sittle- 
mint's  folks" — washing  away  as  if  the  article  was  very  hard  to 
get  clean — "  and  tother  was  tuk  out  more  nor  an  hour  ago." 

Which  way,  Mrs.  Jackson," — said  I,  eagerly,  as  a  glimmer 
of  hope  arose — "  which  way  did  the  person  come — perhaps  it 
was  Tommy  Robison,  as  I  asked  him  the  other  day  to  call 
here,  and " 

"  Well — I  kind  a  sorter  think  as  maybe  prehaps  the  man  said 
the  letter  was  hissin — and  I  actially  seed  him  a  readin  on  it !" 

"  Well,"  said  Josey,  very  tenderly — "  let's  go  into  the  back 
room  anyhow,  and  overhaul  the  bureau — maybe  some  how  or 
nother  we  mought  a  overlooked  last  month— or  maybe  arter  all 
one  of  the  two's  yourn." 

The  back  room  was  a  closet  boxed  off  with  poplar  boards,  its 
junctures  pasted  over  with  strips  of  deceased  newspapers ;  and 
it  held  a  bed  for  the  postmaster  and  mistress,  and — a  bureau ; 
of  which  two  drawers  were  Uncle  Sam's  Cabinet,  the  top  drawer 
for  living  letters  and  papers,  the  second — descending — for  dead 
ones.  Into  this  sanctum  I  was  now  invited  out  of  compassion, 
with  the  privilege  of  rummaging  for  myself. 

First,  then,  the  live  drawer  was  jerked  out,  and  Josey  and 
myself  began  our  search  with  great  system  and  good  judgment, 
collecting,  as  a  preparatory  step,  all  the  living  newspapers  iti'to 


204  THE      1TEW      PURCHASE. 

one  corner,  amounting  to  nearly  two  dozen,  two  or  three  with 
envelopes  and  directions  :  the  rest  naked,  and  thumbed  and 
dying : — all  destined,  I  fear,  to  the  dead  drawer.  This  com- 
pleted, one  letter  only  remained,  instead  of  two,  and  that  sure 
enough  for — 

"  Missus  Widder  Dolly  Johnsin,  at  Snake-Kun-kere  of  her 
brother  near  Spiceburg" — (on  one  corner) — "  case  he's  gone  to 
Orleens,  p.  m.,  send  it  to  the  Widder  herself." 

But  what  had  become  of  the  other  letter  ?  Josey  here  was 
much  disturbed,  as  he  knew  it  had  not  been  called  for.  At  my 
suggestion,  a  shaking  of  each  newspaper  was  commenced,  when 
pretty  soon  out  tumbled  the  second  one — and  that  too,  for 
Snake  Run.  A  very  scrutinizing  search  was  next  instituted  un- 
der, and  into,  and  around  a  half-knit  stocking,  and  some  little 
calico  bags  nearly  full  of  squash  or  calabash,  or  cucumber  seeds  ; 
and  even  a  square  box  half  full  of  roasted  store  coffee — but  no 
chance  letter  for  me  could  be  discovered.  I  was  about,  there- 
fore, to  go  away  much  chagrined,  when  it  occurred,  that  as  a 
living  letter  had  been  concealed  in  a  dying  paper,  maybe,  a  letter 
might  have  been  buried  alive  among  the  defunct  articles  of  the 
next  drawer :  and  accordingly  a  request  was  made  for  a  peep 
into  that  tomb.  To  this,  Josey,  after  a  momentary  hesitation, 
replied:  "Oh!  it's  no  use  no  how — still,  if  it  will  satisfy  a 
feller  crittur,  let's  have  the  overhaul :" — and  with  that  forth 
came  the  repository  of  departed  news,  written  and  printed,  and 
with  such  a  vengeance — for  it  stuck  a  little — that  the  dead 
things,  many  of  them,  bounced  into  the  middle  of  the  room, 
like  criminals'  carcasses  when  galvanized. 

Ah  !  painful  sight !  that  drawer  like  other  graves — in  some 
cities — was  too  full ! — it  contained  more  than  the  living  world  ! 
And  the  frightful  way  that  papers  and  letters  were  huddled, 
must  soon  have  killed  a  delicate  and  sensitive  thing — a  love 
letter,  for  instance,  if  by  any  mischance  it  had  come  down  from 
the  upper  drawer  alive  !  Well,  we  rummaged — and  shook — 
and  tossed — and  pitched  for  a  good  quarter  of  an  hour,  till  out 
leaped  a  letter — a  real  living  letter — folded  in  a  civilized  way 
— and  actually  superscribed  : 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  205 

"Robert  Carlton,  Esq.  Glenville  Settlement,  etc.,  etc." — 
and  post-marked — "  Princeton,  N.  J." 

Josey  was,  of  course,  completely  mystified,  and  began  twenty 
awkward  apologies ;  but,  although  not  a  little  provoked,  I  was 
so  rejoiced  at  the  resurrection  of  my  letter,  and  Josey  was  so 
sorry,  and  after  all,  so  clever  a  fellow,  that  he  was  cordially  for- 
given : — and  that,  reader,  argues  me  not  spiteful. 

I  now  prepared  to  return  home  :  but  just  then,  a  young  chap 
rode  by  on  his  way  to  Johnson's  store ;  for  Spiceburg  was  a 
large  village,  containing,  first,  Mr.  Johnson's  Store ;  second,  a 
blacksmith's  establishment ;  and  third,  Josey  Jackson's  post- 
office,  which  last  was  also  a  tavern,  and  now  becoming  a  kind 
of  opposition  store :  although  an  opposition  post-office  would 
have  been  more  serviceable,  both  to  town  and  country.  The 
chap  named,  immediately  hailed  me,  and  made  a  proposal  for 
me  to  wait  tilj  he  had  done  his  purchases,  when  we  could  ride 
home  in  company.  As  Sam  lived  in  an  adjoining  settlement, 
and  I  really  wanted  company — to  say  nothing  of  political  news 
— I  readily  agreed  to  wait,  although  we  well  knew  it  would  be 
some  hours  before  the  bargains  were  concluded. 

In  a  New  Purchase  country,  "  going  to  store"  is  as  much  for 
recreation  as  business,  and  preparation  is  made  as  for  any  other 
treat  or  amusement.  The  store  is,  too,  the  place  for  news,  re- 
cent and  stale — for  gymnastics,  wrestling,  pitching  quoits,  run- 
ning— for  rifle  shooting — for  story-telling,  etc. — and  hence,  a 
purchaser's  stay  is  not  in  direct  ratio  to  his  intended  bargains, 
but  rather  in  the  inverse ;  a  fellow  having  only  six  cents  to 
spend,  will  sometimes  lounge  in  and  around  a  store  for  six 
hours  !  Nor  must  even  that  be  wholly  imputed  to  the  fellow's 
idleness.  It  is  in  part,  owing  to  his  unwillingness  to  part  with 
— cash ;  and  when  it  is  considered  how  very  difficult  it  was 
then,  and  maybe  now,  in  the  New  Purchase  to  get  hold  of 
"  silver,"  then  it  will  appear  that  to  lay  out  even  a  fippenny-bit 
must  have  become  a  matter  for  very  solemn  reflection,  and  very 
lengthy  chaffering. 

My  friend  Sam  had  come  to  town  with  two  silver-fippenny- 
bits,  and  a  roll  of  tow  linen ;  and  he  intended  to  buy  four  panes 


206  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

of  glass,  eight  by  tens,  half  a  pound  of  store  coffee,  eighth  of  a 
pound  of  store-tea,  one  quarter  pound  of  gunpowder,  and  a 
pound  of  lead  :  also,  if  they  could  be  got  cheap,  a  string  of 
button  moles  and  a  needle.  Sam  prided  himself  on  being  a 
hard  hand  at  a  bargain,  and  Mr.  Johnson,  I  well  knew,  although 
an  honest  man,  was  a  prudent  dealer ;  and,  therefore,  I  deter- 
mined to  remain  in  the  store  and  witness  the  trading.  The  col- 
loquy opened  thus,  after  Sam  had  deposited  his  roll  of  linen  on 
the  counter : 

"  Well,  Johnson,  you  don't  want  no  tow  linen  to-day,  I  allow 
—do  you  f ' 

"  If  'tis  good.     What  do  you  want  for  it  f 

"  I  allow  to  take  half  trade  and  half  silver  as  near  about  as 
we  can  fix  it." 

"  Sam,  you're  joking — we  don't  give  cash  for  anything  but 
pork  and  lard." 

"  That's  powerful  stingy — well,  what's  this  piece  worth — it's 
powerful  fine." 

"  This  ;"  (examining) — "  'tis  pretty  good — 'tis  worth  ten 
cents  in  silver.  We  give  twelve  in  trade." 

"  Ketch  a  duck  asleep  ! — if  that  'ere  tow  linen  thare  aint 
worth  fifteen  cents  in  store-tea  or  coffee  ither,  I'll  bet  old  Nan — 
(his  rifle) — again  two-shot  gun!  Howe'er  I'll  track  round  a 
little — I  wants  any  how  to  go  over  to  the  post-office,  maybe 
thare's  a  paper  come." 

Now  this,  reader,  was  all  gum  ;  Sam  could  not  read  a  word. 
He  intended  this  as  a  threat  to  deal  in  the  opposition  store,  and 
Mr.  Johnson  so  understood  it :  in  fact  he  had  anticipated  such 
a  move,  and  for  that  purpose  had  underrated  the  linen,  intend- 
ing to  rise  to  the  true  value  as  if  induced  so  to  do  by  Sam's 
superior  dexterity,  by  which  the  linen  would  be  secured  and  his 
customer  pleased.  And  therefore,  Mr.  J.  thus  answered  : 

"  Sam !  Sam  !  you're  a  hard  Christian :  but  I've  large  pay- 
ments at  Louisville,  and  you've  been  a  pretty  good  customer, 
and  a  cent  or  so  aint  much — and  rather  than  let  you  go  to 
Josey's,  I'll  give  you  thirteen  cents." 

Now  this  Sam  thought  just  one  cent  higher  than  the  linen 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  207 

was  worth ;  yet  it  was  in  reality  precisely  half  a  cent  less — and 
that  other  half  cent  Johnson  intended  finally  to  give  him. 
Hence  when  Sam  replied,  "  Well !  I  raythur  allow  as  maybe 
prehaps  Josey  would  a  sorter  give  fourteen  cents  ;  but  I  don't 
like  to  d'sart  old  friends,  and  so  says  I,  jist  gimme  thirteen  and 
a  half  cents,  and  it's  trade !"  it  was  what  Mr.  Johnson  was  pre- 
pared to  hear.  Accordingly,  after  affecting  to  consult  a  book 
of  prices — I  think  it  was  an  old  counting-house  almanac — and 
after  figuring  away  at  the  double  rule  of  three  in  vulgar  frac- 
tions, at  all  which  Sam  stared  as  at  a  magical  operation,  John- 
son at  last  looked  up,  and  scratching  his  head,  said  : 

"  Let's  see — eight-sixteenths  is  four-eighths,  and  that  is  one 
half — and  half  is  two  fourths — and  five  per  cent — and  tow  linen 
at  a  discount — why,  Sam,  you'll  break  .a  fellow  some  day  or 
other — still  I  can't  lose  more  than  a  fraction  of  a  cent  on  a 
yard,  and  I  must  not  let  you  go  to  Josey's.  Well,  I'll  give 
thirteen  and  a  half,  and  it's  a  bargain.  Now,  what  will  you 
have  r 

"  Well,  I'm  goin  to  see  how  the  new  skew's  comin  on — and 
you  may  measure  the  linen  till  I  get  back,  and  then  we'll  take 
it  out  in  something  or.  nuther." 

It  was  a  full  hour  before  Sam's  return ;  and  then  the  quan- 
tum suff.  of  tea,  coffee,  glass,  etc.,  etc.,  being  furnished,  the 
balance  of  trade  was  found  against  him,  and  he  owed  the  store 
precisely  nine  and  a  quarter  cents.  In  lieu  of  this  Mr.  J.  of- 
fered to  take  one  of  Sam's  silver  fips,  which  although  a  liberal 
discount  in  Sam's  favour,  he  regarded  as  right  down  Jewish 
usury  ;  and  the  storekeeper  was  obliged  to  book  the  nine  and  a 
quarter  cents,  to  be  paid  in  "  sang."  Nor  was  this  conduct  of 
Sam's  so  very  surprising,  when  it  is  recollected  that  for  one 
hundred  and  twenty-five  cents  could  be  bought  a  whole  acre  of 
land !  bottom  land  !  trees !  spice  bush !  papaws !  and  all ! 
Hence  to  ask  for  six  and  a  fourth  cents,  was  asking  a  pretty 
good  slice  off  an  acre !  Sam  was,  therefore,  really  indignant. 

He  now  was  getting  ready  to  start  home,  when  spying  a 
string  of  button-moles,  he  remembered  he  was  to  buy  a  fip's- 
worth ;  and  supposing  a  prime  bargain  was  to  be  had  for  cash, 


208  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

he  proposed  to  pay  right  down  one  of  his  silver  pieces  for  the 
half  of  the  string,  worth  in  all  twenty -five  cents. 

"  Come  now,"  said  he,  "  Mr.  Johnson,  here's  the  silver  cash 
money,  right  slam  smack  down,  for  one  half  jist  of  that  'ere 
leetle  bit  of  a  string — " 

"  Oh !  no,  Sam,  we  can't  go  that — I'll  give  you  so  far,"  re- 
plied Johnson,  measuring  a  minor  third. 

«  Well — I've  traded  a  most  powerful  piece  of  linin  here  this 
mornin — and  I'll  be  teetotally  darned  if  I  wont  try  Josey,  and 
see  if  he  won't  give  me  more  moles  for  silver  cash  money." 

Our  storekeeper  well  knew  Josey  had  no  moles,  and  so,  after 
a  feint  to  retain  a  customer,  he  let  him  go  ;  but  no  sooner  had 
he  got  out  of  hearing,  than  our  merchant  took  down  his  string 
of  moles,  and  laughing  as  he  slipped  off  nearly  half  into  a 
drawer,  he  said  to  me,  "  Sam  will  be  back  directly,  and  then  I 
mean  to  sell  him  a  little  more  than  the  worth  of  his  fip."  He 
then  suspended  the  diminished  string  in  its  former  place,  and 
shortly  after  Sam  came  back,  and  began : 

"  Well,  I  don't  like,  arter  all,  to  d'sart  old  friends,  and  so 
says  I,  jist  gimme  one  half  of  that  blame  leetle  string — for  it's 
time  me  and  Mr.  Carltin  was  makin  tracks  home." 

"Ah!  Sam,  how  shall  we  live  these  hard  times'?  but  I  sup- 
pose if  I  must,  I  must — so  down  with  your  dust.  And  here's 
a  full  half— and  now  take  which  end  you  like." 

Sam  chose ;  and  then  the  dealer  stripped  off  the  half,  amount- 
ing to  a  good  eight  cents'  worth ;  while  our  man  of  cash  pulled 
out  a  small  dirty  deer-skin  pouch,  and  untying  its  mouth,  he 
emptied  all  the  contents  on  the  counter,  viz :  two  silver  fips 
three  "  chaw'd  bullits,"  a  damaged  rifle  wiper,  four  inches  oi 
pigtail  tobacco,  and  three  worn  gun-flints.  But  he  was  evi- 
dently even  yet  scarcely  determined  to  part  with  his  cash ;  for 
he  took  up  first  one  and  then  the  other  fip,  apparentiv  more 
than  once  about  to  return  both  to  the  pouch,  and  offer  more 
"  sang :"  till  at  length,  believing  he  had  got  nearly  double  as 
many  moles  as  he  could  obtain  for  "  trade,"  he  handed  over, 
with  the  air  of  one  making  another's  fortune,  the  worse  looking 
and  more  worn  fippeimy  bit ;  and  then  the  other  articles,  to- 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  209 

gether  with  the  button-moles,  being  put  into  the  pouch  along 
with  the  widowed  fip,  he  was  ready  to  ride,  and  we  in  a  few 
moments  more  were  on  our  way  home. 

My  comrade  was  in  high  glee  at  the  way  in  which  he  "  had 
made  it  offo'  Johnson,"  i.  e.,  the  way  he  had  just  got  the  worth 
of  his  money.  I  too  was  in  high  glee,  hoping  to  secure  an  addi- 
tional vote  for  our  candidate ;  and  we,  therefore,  jogged  along 
very  harmoniously. 

Not  long  after  our  quitting  the  three  blazes,  and  turning  into 
the  unblazed  trace  at  the  Indian  grave,  it  became  quite  dark ; 
and  we  were  compelled  to  ride  in  Indian  file,  Dick  and  myself 
in  the  van,  Sam  and  his  quadruped  in  the  rear.  Be  it  remem- 
bered, part  of  his  purchase  was  four  small  panes  of  glass,  in- 
tended to  illuminate  their  new  cabin,  and  make  its  native 
darkness  visible  in  the  day.  A  sort  of  window  had,  indeed, 
been  made  by  skipping  a  log  in  the  erection ;  but  our  friends 
had  begun  to  be  richer,  and  it  had  been  lately  voted  to  have  a 
sash  of  four  lights  at  ten  cents  each ;  it  being  most  specially  for 
this,  the  twelve  yards  of  tow-cloth  had  been  woven,  and  this 
very  day  sold  at  Spiceburg.  And,  even  now,  Sam,  the  eldest 
son,  twenty-one  years  old  last  spring,  was  actually  riding  home- 
ward with  the  long  coveted  glass,  done  up  in  two  sheets  of 
coarse  demi-paper,  and  tied  across  two  ways  with  strong  pack- 
thread— yes,  all  safe  under  his  arm ! 

More  than  once  during  the  afternoon  had  he  introduced  the 
subject  of  glass  and  windows ;  and  every  conversation  would 
begin  and  end  with  a  self-complacent,  and  rather  lofty  look  at 
the  articles  under  his  arm — the  glass  by  which  their  cabin  was 
to  be  elevated  in  the  scale  of  architecture,  and  the  family  estab- 
lished among  the  forest  aristocracy  !  Once  or  twice  as  we  passed 
an  old  cabin  without  a  sash-window,  Sam  would  commence — 

"  Mr.  Carltin,  I  allow  this  here  glass  here  of  ourn's  near  about 
the  right  size — aint  it  ?" 

"I  think  so." 

"  Well — it  will  look  a  sort  a  powerful — hey  7" 

"Very — we  had  a  sash  made  last  summer,  and  it  helps  mat- 
ters powerful" 


210  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

"He  !  he  !  he !" — (a  giggle  of  exquisite  satisfaction — like  the 
cackle  of  a  hen  that  has  laid  a  new  egg,  or  the  mild  squawking 
of  geese  just  emerging  into  the  dusty  road  from  a  hole  in  a 
grain-field  fence) — "  he  !  he  !  he  ! — Mr.  Carltin,  aint  it  a  sort  a 
funny  them  ere  settlers  what's  been  in  the  Purchus  longer  nor 
us  aint  got  no  sashes  ? — I  allow,  it  looks  a  sort  a  idle  in  'em." 

But  now,  as  we  rode  in  the  dark,  a  fire  suddenly  gleamed 
from  the  crevices  of  a  cabin,  upon  which,  Sam,  with  wonderful 
anticipative  exultation,  halloed  from  the  rear — 

"  Hillow  !  Mr.  Carltin — that's  Bill  Tomsin's  cabin  ! — what  a 
most  powerful  heap  of  shine  his  ere  fire  would  make  through 
this  here  glass  of  ourn  if  they  was  all  in  a  winder " 

To  this  Mr.  C.  made  no  reply  ;  for,  at  the  instant  his  neigh- 
bour's thoughtless,  blundering  brute  of  a  horse  tripped  over  a 
root,  on  to  his  nose  !  and  away  went  his  rider,  not  indeed  out 
of  the  saddle,  but  off  from  the  blanket,  his  only  saddle !  and 
alas  !  alas  !  away  went  the  brittle  eight  by  tens  ! — and  in  spite 
of  the  forty  cents  paid  in  tow-linen,  in  spite  of  Sam's  chagrin 
and  almost  superhuman  efforts  to  save  them,  in  spite  of  the 
woful  disappointment  of  the  expectants  at  home,  the  whole  four 
panes  were,  all  and  each,  and  every,  so  cracked  and  broken  as 
to  defy  all  emendations  from  dough  or  putty  !  Yes !  in  one 
short  moment,  and  that  a  moment  of  triumph,  all  visions  were 
dissipated — visions  of  a  window  from  without,  and  visions 
through  one  from  within  ! 

Poor  Sam  !  he  was  not  hurt  by  the  fall :  although,  I  do  be- 
lieve for  a  moment  he  wished  it  had  been  his  arm,  and  not  the 
glass.  And  certainly,  had  I  not  been  present,  he  would  have 
abused  his  unlucky  horse  in  very  irreverent  terms,  calling  him 
as  it  was  : — 

"  A  most  powerful  rottin  darn'd  old  carrin — for  to  go  stumlin 
and  smashin  glass  that  'are  away  !" 

I  tried  to  console  my  neighbour  in  the  most  approved  way, 
by  telling  misfortunes  of  my  own,  and  at  last  did  bring  on  a 
faint  laugh — much  like  one  a  person  makes  in  trying  not  to 
cry — by  narrating  the  fall  of  our  waiter  of  glasses.  But  still, 
forty  cents'  worth  of  good  tow-linen  was  no  trifle  for  folks  in 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  211 

my  comrade's  humble  circumstances  to  lose  ;  and  I  did  so  pity 
him,  as  to  say,  if  he  would  ride  home  with  me  we  would  give 
him  an  extra  pane,  procured  to  mend  our  own  sash  in  case  of 
accident,  and  also  three  sheets  of  paper,  which,  when  oiled  and 
fixed  according  to  directions,  would  answer  almost  as  well  as 
glass  itself.  This  cheered  him  up  a  good  deal ;  and  on  reaching 
uncle  John's,  a  search  was  instituted,  and  to  our  great  satisfac- 
tion, two  panes  were  discovered,  which  were  both  cordially  be- 
stowed on  our  friend  ;  and  also  two  sheets  of  foolscap,  with  di- 
rections how  to  oil,  or  grease  and  paste  them  on  the  sash,  and 
to  secure,  by  two  strings  diagonally  fastened,  or  as  he  better 
understood  it — "  kattekorner'd-like." 

Sam  never  forgot  this  small  kindness.  Hence,  as  you  may 
easily  think,  reader,  not  only  did  he  vote  our  way,  but  he  be- 
came an  active  and  rather  violent  partizan  in  electioneering, 
every  where  giving,  too,  a  magnific  version  of  the  glass  and 
paper  story.  Nay,  on  the  election  day  he  overheard  a  person 
saying  to  another — "  Yes,  John  Glenville's  well  enough — if  he 
hadn't  stuck  up  folks  around  him — and  that  brother-in-law  of 
hissin,  Carltin's  a  reel  'ristekrat — and  hates  poor  folks  like 
pisin :" — upon  which  what  does  Sam  do,  but  forthwith  strip  off 
his  coat  and  break  in  with  his  doubled  fist,  as  follows : — 

"  See !  here,  I  say,  mister !  you're  a  most  powerful  darn'd 
liar ! — now  jist  shut  up — 'cos  case  you  jist  go  for  to  say  that  say 
agin — if  I  don't  row  you  up  salt  crick  in  less  nor  no  time,  my 
name's  not  Sarn  Townsend." 

Happily,  my  complimentary  neighbour  had  no  wish  for  that 
pleasant  little  excursion — "  up  crick,"  and  no  further  disturbance 
ensued.  1  would  merely  add,  that,  passing  Sam's  cabin  a  few 
days  after  his  mishap,  I  had  the  pleasure  of  seeing  the  sash  in 
its  place,  with  two  glasses  in  the  lower  tier,  and  two  papers  in 
the  upper ;  and  to  be  sure  the  papers  were  sufficiently  greased ; 
indeed,  so  well,  as  to  keep  out  light  as  well  as  water  and  air ; 
although,  in  spite  of  our  use  of  "diagonal,"  and  its  being  ren- 
dered into  popular  language,  "  kattekorner'd-like,"  the  strings 
were  nearly  perpendiculars  to  the  sides,  and  crossed  each  other 
almost  at  right  angles,  and  not  very  far  from  the  centre. 


212  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 


CHAPTER    XXVIII. 

" neque  semper  arcum 

Tendit  Apollo." 
"  Pleasure  after  Pain." 

WHEN  the  Indian  tribe  were  departing  from  the  New  Pur- 
chase,  a  distinguished  chieftain  had  suddenly  died,  and  been 
buried  in  aboriginal  style,  in  the  spot  known  in  our  settlements 
as  the  Indian  grave.  That  spot  I  could  never  pass  without  feel- 
ing myself  on  hallowed  ground,  often  contemplating  the  scene 
with  indescribable  emotion — more  than  once  with  unbidden 
tears.  The  burial  place  itself  was  a  beautiful  natural  mound, 
abrupt  on  the  side  towards  the  county  road,  but  otherwise  of  a 
regular  shape  and  gradual  swell,  being  hardly,  indeed,  supposed 
a  mound  on  the  approach  by  the  Glenville  path.  On  the  sum- 
mit of  this  mound  was  the  grave.  It  was  inclosed  by  a  fence  of 
small  logs,  and  covered  with  poles  :  while  a  rough  post,  carved 
with  Indian  hieroglyphics,  and  its  point  or  top  painted  red, 
marked  where  the  warrior's  head  rested. 

This  place  was  too  far  from  Glenville  for  a  walk,  and  we 
never  hunted  in  that  direction;  but,  even  when  hurrying  on  a 
journey,  as  I  rode  by,  I  could  not  pass  till  I  paused  some  mo- 
ments to  gaze,  and  with  a  melancholy  soul,  on  this  resting-place 
of  the  savage  king :  and  with  the  most  profound  sadness  and 
shame,  after  learning  that  this  wild  and  lonely,  and  regal  grave 
had  been  violated ! 

Around  that  grave  had  stood  a  band  of  exiles  and  houseless 
wanderers — children  of  the  forest !  Trusting  to  the  white  man's 
faith,  they  had  asked  a  few  yards  of  earth,  where  but  the  day 
before  the  whole  mighty  wilderness  had  been  theirs — a  few 
yards  where  they  might  lay  in  his  rest  their  chief,  their  lawgiver, 
their  father !  Yes !  yes  ! — there  bitter  agony  of  the  soul  had 
been  felt,  although  proudly,  perhaps,  sternly  concealed !  Mourn- 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  213 

ful  enough  to  bury  a  king  and  a  patriarch  in  a  borrowed  grave ; 
yet  was  it  some  alleviation  that  he  was  to  lie  in  no  dishonoured 
ground  !  If  there  was  sadness,  there  was  grandeur  too,  in  the 
thought,  that  his  was  the  only  grave ;  and  that  it  made  venerable 
and  sanctuary-like  so  large  a  forest  space ! — ay,  that  for  long 
years  to  come  white  men's  children  would  point  and  say,  "  Be- 
hold that  little  mound  yonder! — that  is  the  grave  of  Blue 
Fire! — the  mighty  Indian  warrior  and  chief!"  That  grave 
would  remain  a  monument,  speaking  to  successive  generations 
of  the  pale-faces,  and  saying — "  This  was  all  once  the  red  man's 
land  !" 

What  would  that  tribe  of  mourning  warriors  have  felt?  what 
would  they  not  have  done,  had  some  fierce  and  proud  apparition 
from  their  spirit-land,  revealed  that  the  base  sons  of  white  men 
would  despoil  that  grave  of  its  treasure,  even  before  the  impress 
of  the  departing  exiles'  feet  should  be  covered  by  the  fall  of  the 
coming  autumn  leaves  1  Yet  so  it  was.  Reader !  the  poor  In- 
dian is  often  cursed  for  his  indiscriminate  massacres — has  he  no 
provocations?  Do  not  civilized  and  nominal  Christian  men, 
with  deadly  weapons,  watch  near  the  sepulchres  of  their  fathers 
and  sons  to  wreak  sudden  vengeance  on  the  robbers  of  the 
tomb  1  And  dare  we  condemn  the  poor,  hunted,  defrauded  In- 
dian, who,  finding  his  father's  grave  desecrated  and  rifled,  cools 
the  phrenzy  rage  of  his  burning  soul  in  a  bath  of  white  man's 
blood  ? 

Once  on  my  way  to  Timberopolis,  I  sat  gazing  and  dreaming 
on  my  horse,  near  that  sad  mound ;  when,  not  without  an  emo- 
tion of  fear,  I  saw  appear  a  large  party  of  mounted  Indians, 
going,  as  it  afterwards  was  discovered,  to  visit  the  Potawatamies 
living  on  a  reservation  in  the  north.  The  party  did  not  halt  at 
the  grave,  as  probably  they  would  have  done,  if  no  pale  face 
had  been  there  to  notice :  if  they  had,  although  no  sign  appa- 
rently could  lead  to  the  discovery  that  the  sacred  deposit  was 
gone,  I  should  have  felt,  if  not  afraid,  yet  truly  ashamed.  Our 
way  being  for  several  hours  in  their  direction,  we  often  passed 
and  repassed  one  another ;  and  occasionally  I  rode  among  the 
party,  and  held  a  conversation  with  a  half  breed  that  could  use 


214  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

a  little  English — till  at  last,  they  encamping  on  the  bank  of  the 
beauteous  and  silvery  river,  once  their  own!  we  parted — my 
way  leading  across  the  stream,  and  their  path  still  further  up  on 
its  bank.  I  felt  a  strange  wish  to  plunge  with  them  into  the 
dark,  tangled  wilds  of  that  vast  forest,  where  no  white  man  then 
lived — so  strong  is  the  love  of  the  uncivilized  in  some  hearts  ! 

But  to  our  story.  Several  years  prior  to  our  arrival  in  the 
Purchase,  two  young  men,  whose  youth  and  ignorance  is  their 
best  apology,  students  of  Dr.  Syl  van's,  on  hearing  of  the  burial 
of  Blue  Fire,  determined  so  soon  as  the  Indians  should  resume 
their  march  for  the  Mississippi,  to  take  up  the  body  ;  partly  for 
anatomical  purposes,  and  partly  out  of  rash  boldness  :  for  some 
nerve  was  necessary  to  the  work,  while  many  lagging  Indians 
were  yet  straggling  in  the  woods.  And  unhappily  for  our 
honour,  they  succeeded ;  but  not  until  after  a  very  remarkable 
interruption  and  temporary  defeat.  And  that  defeat  is  my  story. 
It  shall  be  given,  however,  in  the  words  of  the  renowned  "  Hunt- 
ing-Shirt Andy,"  the  leader  of  the  party  that  terrified  the  resur- 
rectionists, and  almost  to  insanity,  and  from  whose  lips  we  our- 
selves received  the  narrative. 

Be  it  premised,  that  at  the  time  of  our  story,  not  more  than 
three  cabins  were  between  Woodville  and  the  river ;  that  on  the 
Woodville  side  of  the  river,  the  nearest  house  from  the  grave 
was  more  than  three  miles,  a  wide  bayou  and  marsh  interven- 
ing— it  being  absolutely  necessary,  in  passing  and  repassing  to 
and  from  Woodville  to  the  grave,  to  cross  the  river.  In  many 
places  were  fords,  and  near  them  also  dangerous  holes,  from 
four  to  six  feet  deep ;  and  into  these,  not  only  inexperienced 
travellers,  but  even  we  neighbourhood  people,  often  plunged  ; 
and  hence  escape  from  such  holes  to  a  terrified  man,  running 
from  savages,  would  be  almost  miraculous.  On  our  side,  the 
cabin  nearest  the  grave  was  two  miles  up  the  river  ;  so  that  if 
any  Indians  came  unexpectedly  upon  the  young  fellows,  they 
would  be  in  hazard  of  meeting  a  pretty  summary  vengeance — 
and  not,  I  must  say,  wholly  undeserved. 

Our  narrator  was  called  Hunting-Shirt-Andy,  mainly  because 
he  lived  like  an  Indian,  and  always  wore  a  very  wonderful 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  215 

leather  hunting  shirt — his  second  hide  or  skin — most  curiously 
frilled,  and  elaborately  ornamented  with  bits  of  skin,  birds'  and 
beasts'  claws,  and  porcupine  quills  dyed  red  and  green,  and 
yellow;  and  also  to  distinguish  him  from  his  second  cousin 
White-Andy,  so  named  because  he  lived  like  the  rest  of  us 
civilized  woodsmen,  in  a  cabin.  The  story  was  given  in  Uncle 
John's  cabin,  at  the  united  request  of  myself  and  others,  and  is 
as  follows : — 

ItrattEg-fljirt-Mtfs  Itnrt}. 

"  Well,  Mistur  Carltin,  if  you  reely  wants  to  hear  about  them 
two  young  fellers,  I  don't  kere  to  tell  about  that  Blue  Fife 
scrape ;  bat  case  you  put  it  in  your  book,  don't  let  on  about  thare 
namses — as  the  doctor's  nevy  is  a  most  powerful  clever  feller 
and  tended  me  arter  in  the  agy,  and  charged  me  most  nuthin 
at  all,  although  he  kim  more  nor  once  all  the  way  over  more 
nor  twenty  miles — and  the  tother  one  what  got  most  sker'd  is 
a  sort  of  catawampus,  (spiteful)  and  maybe  underhand  wouldn't 
stick  to  do  you  a  mischief  if  he  thought  you  made  a  laff  on  him 
— albeit,  he's  been  laffed  at  a  powerful  heap  afore. 

"  Well,  we  heern  the  two  was  a  com  in  to  git  up  Blue  Tire, 
and  bile  him  for  a  natumy,  as  they  call'd  it ;  and  all  us  neigh- 
bours was  powerful  mad  about  it ;  as  cos  couldn't  they  allow 
the  poor  Injin  to  lay  in  his  grave ;  and  as  cos  the  Tnjins  still  a 
sort  a  squattin  and  cam  pin  round,  mought  hear  on  it,  and  it 
moughtn't  be  so  good  for  folks's  consarns  then.  And  so  we 
talks  over  the  thing,  and  allowed  we'd  make  the  chaps  let  Blue 
Fire  lay ;  and  so,  says  I  to  Bill  Roland,  Bill,  says  I,  let's  you 
and  me  make  on  to  be  Tnjins,  and  skere  them  doctur  fellers ; 
and  don't  let  them  go  for  to  bile  the  poor  red  savage  for  the 
natumy.  Agreed,  says  Bill,  and  then  we  goes  and  gits  ole  man 
Ashford,  and  fixes  up  like  reel  gineine  Injins,  and  paints  our 
faces  red  and  clean  up  our  arms,  away  up  here  (showing,)  and 
all  on  us  gits  on  blankits  and  leggins  and  moksins,  and  teetotally 
greases  our  hair  back  so — slick-like,  and  I  gits  a  bit  of  tin  round 
my  hat,  and  we  takes  our  tornhoks  and  rifles  and  puts  off  and 


216  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

lies  hid  near  the  grave.  'Twas  just  thare,  Mr.  Carltin,  along  by 
the  black  walnut  stump  what  I  cut  down  the  very  next  day  arter 
for  rails  for  Bill  Tomsin's  yard.  Well,  thare  we  all  on  us  lays 
down  in  the  bushes  on  our  bellies,  a  little  over  fifty  yards  from 
the  grave ;  for  we  know'd  the  young  fellers  was  to  come  at  sich 
a  time ;  cos  they  kim  to  Squire  Brushwood's  the  night  afore ; 
and  the  Squire  he  sends  up  his  little  gal  to  ole  man  Ashford's 
afore  sun-up  to  sort  a  let  us  know :  and  so  we  was  all  ready, 
when  what  should  we  spy  a  comin  but  the  two  young  doctor 
chaps  with  a  couple  of  hossis,  and  a  meal-bag,  and  a  spade,  and 
a  hoe. 

"  Well,  we  lays  teetotally  still,  and  they  goes  fust  and  fassens 
their  hossis  to  the  swinging  branch  of  that  thare  sugar  west  o' 
the  place,  and  then  goes  and  begins  a  takin  down  the  pen,  and 
when  they  gits  it  down,  they  off's  coats  and  begins  a  diggin  like 
the  very  divil*  And  jist  then  we  raises  up  a  sort  a  on  our 
kneeses ;  and  all  draws  a  bead  at  that  knot  in  that  thare  beech 
at  the  tail  ind  of  the  grave ;  I'll  show  you  the  knot  any  day,  and 
you'll  see  it's  more  nor  half  a  foot  good  above  their  heads  when 
they  stood  up  agin  the  beach,  although  they  arterwards  tried  to 
make  the  knot  out  only  two  inches  above  their  heads ;  and  then 
I  gives  a  leetle  bark,  like  a  growlin  Injin — and  up  they  pops 
both  on  'em,  right  under  the  beech,  and  looks  about  most  pow- 
erful skittish,  and  then  we  lets  fly  three  balls  crack-wack  right 
into  the  knot,  and  makes  bark  peel  right  sharp  in  that  'are  quar- 
ter ;  and  then  out  jumps  we  and  raises  the  yell,  with  tomhoks 
agoin  to  fling " 

At  this  very  moment  our  narrator  was  interrupted  by  a 
terrific  burst  of  thunder,  which  shook  our  cabin  with  much  vio- 
lence, and  caused  the  dry  clay  of  the  chinking  to  curl  up  in  dust 
around  us  like  smoke !  After  a  short  and  revereful  pause,  Andy 
resumed : — 

"  That's  a  most  mighty  powerful  big  clap  of  thunder,  and 
most  mighty  near !  but  it's  not  a  bit  more  skery  than  our  bul- 
lits  above  them  two  young  doctors'  heads  and  the  reel  Injiny 

*  Soft  way  of  swearing  out  there. 


NG  SHIRT  ANDY  CRTES,   "STA-W-P  DOOTUR:"  BTTT  THE  DOCTOR  T 

KO    NOTION    OF    DOING    A    SILLY    THIKG.       STOP,    INDEED  1  Page    2 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  217 

yells  us  three  screeched  out !  The  way  they  drops  tools  and 
made  tracks  was  funny,  Mr.  Carltin,  I  tell  you !  You  see ! 
I've  seed  runnin  in  my  days  that's  sartin — but  if  them  chaps 
didn't  git  along  as  if  old  Sattin  was  ahind  'em,  then  I  allow  I 
never  killed  no  deer,  and  that  would  be  a  wapper ! 

"  Well — they  divides,  and  the  doctur's  nevy,  he  tuk  strate  up 
stream ;  and  ole  man  Ashford  and  Bill,  they  pretends  they  was 
a  follerin  him — howsom'er  they  couldn't  a  ketch'd  up  no  how — 
and  so  the  nevy  he  runs  dare  up  two  miles  and  gits  safe  into 
Pete's  shanty  on  the  bottum,  and  sker'd  Pete  hisself  so  powerful 
he  was  afeer'd  to  come  down,  till  we  sends  up  and  lets  Pete  into 
the  secret. 

"  But  tother  chap,  he  was  so  sker'd  he  didn't  see  where  he 
runn'd,  and  kept  right  study  ahead  slash  through  weeds  and 
briars  to  the  river — and  me  slam  smack  arter  him,  as  cos  I  was 
afeerd  he'd  run  in  and  git  drownded ;  for  thar's  where  the  water 
is  deepish,  and  jist  about  where  you  swim'd  your  hoss,  Mr. 
Carltin — and  so  I  runs  and  hollers  like  a  screechowl — *  stop  ! — 
doctur  f — staw-u-up  /'  But  the  more  I  hollers,  the  more  he  legs 
it ;  case  he  was  more  nor  ever  sker'd  to  hear  an  Injin  holler 
Inglish — Graminy  !  Mr.  Carltin,  if  he  didn't  make  brush  crack 
and  streak  off  like  a  herd  of  buffalo! — and  me  all  the  time 
a  keepin  arter,  as  I  was  sentimentally  afeer'd  now  he'd  git 
drownded;  but,  darn  rny  leather  shirt  (Andy  would  put  this 
profane  stitch  into  his  shirt  when  he  was  excited)  darn  my 
leather  shirt,  if  arter  all  I  could  make  him  stop;  and  in  he 
splash'd  kerslush,  like  a  hurt  buffalo  bull,  and  waded  and  swim'd 
and  splash'd  and  scrabbled  even  ahead  rite  strate  across  and  up 
tother  bank — when  he  stops  for  the  furst  time  to  blow  and  takes 
a  look  back !  And  then  he  sees  me  a  standin  on  our  side  and 
without  no  gun,  a  bekenin  on  him  to  stop ;  for  I  was  too  pow- 
erful weak  a  laffin  to  holler  any  more — but  darn  my  leather 
shirt,  if  the  blasted  fool  didn't  set  off  agin  like  a  tarrified  barr, 
and  wades  clean  in  all  through  the  bio!  and  the  buttermilk 
slash  tother  side !  and  never  stops  agin  till  he  kim  to  the  three 
mile  cabin !  and  thare  he  tells  them  as  how  the  Injins  had  all 
got  back  agin,  and  had  killed  tother  doctur  and  tuk  his  skulp ! ! 
10 


218  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

And  you  may  naterally  allow,  Mr.  Carltin,  the  hull  settlement 
over  thare  was  a  sort  a  sker'd,  and  sent  out  scouts  and  hunters  to 
see :  but  when  it  was  found  how  it  all  was  ezactly,  then  if  they 
warn't  a  mighty  powerful  heap  of  laffin,  I  never  kill'd  no  deer. 

"  Howsever  the  Doctor's  nevy  was  good  pluck ;  for  he  gits 
another  chap  to  help,  and  two  days  arter  when  we  warn't  a 
watchin,  he  digs  out  the  poor  Ingin  and  totes  him  over  to  Wood- 
ville,  and  biled  him  up  for  a  natumy  for  their  shop  arter  all — 
and  so  that's  the  hull  story,  Mr.  Carltin  ; — but  I  must  be  a  sorter 
goin.  I'll  fetch  that  jerked  vensin  about  next  week — and  them 
'are  deer  skins : — but  afore  I  starts,  wont  you  jist  play  us  a 
toone  on  that  flute  of  yourn,  Mr.  Carltin  1" 

"  Most  certainly,  Andy — I'll  play  you  a  dozen  if  you  can 
stay — what  will  you  have  ?" 

"  Well ! — let's  see — thare's  one  I  don't  mind  it's  name  now — 
but  a  powerful  toone ;  I  heard  Mr.  Johnsin  a  fiddlin  on  it  at 
Spiceburg — but  thare's  a  somethin  about  river  in  it,  and  it  was 
talkin  of  the  young  doctur's  splunge,  made  me  think  of  the 
toone." 

"  Was  it  this,  Andy  T— (Mr.  C.  plays.) 

"  That's  him  !  that's  the  dentikul  toone ! — let's  see — what  do 
you  call  him  1" 

"  Over  the  river  to  Charlie."  And  accordingly  this  "  power- 
ful toone"  was  done  now  in  first-rate  double-shuffle  style,  with 
very  curious  extempore  variations,  and  very  alarming  embel- 
lishments ;  while  all  the  time  Andy  patted  the  puncheons  with 
his  moccasin'd  feet,  and  seemed  barely  able  to  refrain  from 
leaping  up  and  dancing  ;  till  the  music  ending,  he  remarked  : — 

"  le !  le  !  darn  my  leather  shirt  if  I  didn't  know  'twas  river 
somethin  ! — and  I  tell  you  what,  Mr.  Carltin,  if  you  don't  jist 
about  know  the  sling  of  it,  about  as  good  as  Mr.  Johnsin — and 
maybe  a  leetle  bit  betterer — and  the  way  he  makes  it  hum  on 
the  fiddle  ! — I  tell  you  what !  Well,  well — I  must  be  goin,  but 
I  should  like  to  stay  and  git  you  to  play  that  'ere  meetin  toone, 
Pisger — (Pisgah,  a  great  favourite  then  with  our  religious 
world,  but  which  had  better  been  named  Gumsnorter) — but  I 
can't  stop — I'm  off — good-bye,  folks." 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  219 

And  off  he  was  sure  enough  ;  while  I  treated  him  during  his 
exit  with  Yankee-doodle.  And  this  compliment  Andy  felt  so 
much,  that  he  began  capering  and  yelping,  and  tossing  his  legs 
and  arms,  till  he  reached  our  bars,  which  he  cleared  like  a 
bounding  buck  at  a  flying  leap:  but  within  the  bushes  beyond 
he  paused  a  moment,  and  gave,  first,  an  Indian  grunt  and  bark, 
and  then  such  a  yell ! — it  rung  in  my  ears  for  twenty-four 
hours  !  Then  once  more  he  leaped  away,  shaking  the  bushes, 
scattering  old  leaves,  making  brush  crack,  and  at  the  same  time 
screaming  out — "  Sta-up  doctur  ! — sta-a-a-aup  !"  in  all  which  he 
designed  a  scenic  exhibition  of  his  late  story  ;  playing  like 
other  celebrated  actors  different  parts,  first,  his  own  Indian  cha- 
racter, and  secondly,  the  flight  of  the  young  doctor. 

Reader ! — do  you  believe  life  is  all  moping  in  the  West  1 
Now  be  well  assured  we  have  other  recreations  there  than 
"  going  to  church" — the  only  one  certain  hie  vel  hcec  English 
tourists  grant  to  us  and  never  use  themselves ! 


CHAPTER   XXIX. 

"  Quack !  Quack ! !  Quack ! !  I" 

Vide  Voices  of  Natural  History.— You  X. 

NOT  many  weeks  after  Hunting-shirt-Andy's  visit,  a  very 
great  and  yet  very  little  stranger,  for  some  time  expected,  ar- 
rived at  Glenville.  Her  name  not  before,  but  after  this  arrival, 
was  Elizabeth  Carlton :  and  she  bounced  in  among  us,  after  all, 
by  surprise,  and  about  two  o'clock  one  morning.  A  curious 
figure  somewhere  had  been  missed,  and  the  young  lady  gave  an 
unexpected  notice  in  some  mysterious  way  of  her  intention  to 
join  our  colony,  precisely  one  week  too  soon  :  a  common  case, 
I  am  informed,  with  all  that  have  the  right  of  primogeniture ; 
others,  are  better  arithmeticians. 

It  had  been  arranged  that  our  worthy  friend,  Dr.  Sylvan,  of 
Woodville,  should  honour  Glenville  with  a  visit  on  this  occa- 


220  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

sion :  but  now,  about  nine  o'clock,  p.  M.,  Dick  was  scampering 
away  at  the  nominal  rate  of  six  miles  per  hour,  towards  Spice- 
burg,  with  a  pressing  invitation  for  the  company  of  the  learned 
Professor  Pillbox,  a  member  of  the  faculty,  and  who  boarded 
with  our  friend  Josey,  P.  M.  This  change  of  medical  gentle- 
men arose  from  the  urgency  of  the  case,  as  Spiceburg  was  not 
so  far  as  Woodville.  No  one  in  this  very  enlightened  era  can 
possibly  think  we  trusted  Dick  to  deliver  the  request — although 
if  a  four-legged  being  could  have  done  so,  Dick  was  he  or  it — 
but  still,  to  prevent  misapprehension  and  the  sarcasm  of  the  in- 
creasing critical  acumen  of  the  times,  we  now  state  that  John 
Glenville  went  with  Dick  ;  and  hence,  about  three  o'clock  in 
the  morning,  they  returned,  having  secured  the  professor  and 
another  horse. 

This  person — of  course,  the  doctor — not  being  honoured 
with  any  other  skin  or  parchment  than  the  one  he  was  born  in, 
we,  like  the  Great  Unknown,  the  North  American  College  of 
Health  of  Yankeysville,  do,  by  the  native  right  of  every  white- 
born  American,  our  ownselves  dignify  with  the  title  of  Pro- 
fessor. And  never  was  title  more  appropriate,  as  he  professed 
even  more  than  Brandreth's  Pills!  He  could  cure  warts! — 
eradicate  corns! — remove  pimples  ! — and  obliterate  moles  and 
freckles.  He  knew  how  to  destroy  beards  so  as  to  prevent 
shaving — and  how  to  fertilize  the  most  barren  skull  till  it  would 
produce  a  large  crop  of  black  hair,  in  case  you  preferred  that  to 
red,  yellow,  or  flaxy  !  He  had  never-failing  remedies  for  fevers 
of  every  type,  grade,  and  colour — intermittent,  remittent,  nonit- 
ent,  bilious,  antibilious,  rebellious,  red,  saffron  and  yellow ! 
Hence,  the  Professor  utterly  and  most  indignantly  scouted 
Thompsonianism  and  all  other  loud-screaming  quackeries  of  our 
quacking  epoch  : — -and  setting  the  highest  value  on  number  one, 
he  cared  not  for  number  six. 

His  language,  in  bold  contrast  to  his  figure,  was  by  that  very 
comparison  heightened  in  its  magniloquence  ;  we  mean  his  medi- 
cal diction,  for  other  he  rarely  indulged  in,  because  language 
about  common  affairs  was  too  small  for  his  large  utterance. 
His  were  lofty  words,  and  demanded  a  lofty  subject ;  and  HIS 


THE     NEW      PURCHASE.  221 

profession  admitted  an  amazing  technical  grandiloquence.  Pro- 
fessor Pillbox,  M.  D.,  was  exactly  one  yard,  one  foot  and  ten 
inches — low.  The  Professor's  horse,  on  the  contrary,  was  re- 
markably high,  and  large  and  spirited.  When,  therefore,  the 
Professor  was  seated  on  his  saddle,  and  safely  ensconced  be- 
tween two  hugeous  leathern  cartouch-boxes  made  for  bottles, 
barks,  lint,  forceps,  etc.,  and  above  all,  for  the  pills  and  powders, 
and  the  like  cartridges  for  his  principal  execution,  he  seemed 
not  dissimilar  to  a  monkey-shaped  excrescence  growing  to  the 
back  of  the  steed  !  Now  his  modus  loquendi  was  truly  gigan- 
tic !  and  not  only  did  he  always  spout  forth  the  hardest  technical- 
ities, but  even  these  laden  with  additimentalities,  i.  e.,  Coxicalities, 
and  elongated  elaborifications  of  sesquipedalia :  which  last  he 
would  freely  have  bought  of  us  if  not  for  silver,  yet  for  trade  and 
in  exchange  for  what  he  always  styled  his  "medicamentums  !" 

Poultices,  with  Professor  Pillbox,  were  always  cataplasms — 
and  the  patient  who  had  only  barked  his  shins,  was  always 
greatly  terrified  on  hearing  that  "  there  was  manifest  sympto- 
matic manifestations  through  the  outer  exterior  epidermis  of  his 
having  infracted  the  tibia  !" — for  the  poor  wretch  at  once  gave 
over  his  legs  as  ruined  after  that  awful  sentence  on  them  ! 
Doses  of  salts  were  never  mixed  with  water  and  swallowed  in 
our  Professor's  practice ;  but  he  "  prepared  an  aquatical  solu- 
tion of  the  sulphate  of  magnesia,  and  then — exhibited  it !" — 
i.  e.,  made  the  patient  look  at  it  before  he  drank.  In  this  way 
the  disagreeable  taste  was  properly  increased ;  and  so,  to  speak 
in  style,  the  "  medicamentum  seemed  to  act  with  still  greater 
potential  efncacity :" — for,  indeed,  some  robustious  stomachs 
out  there  that  would  never  have  budged  at  the  plain  dose,  were 
pretty  well  stirred  by  "  an  aquatical  solution !" — proving  the 
virtue  of  words. 

Our  friend  never  bled  a  man — he  only  "  opened  .a  vein !" — 
nor  did  he  ever  feel  a  pulse  without  parading  a  huge  silver 
watch,  and  seeming,  with  the  care-worn  and  ominous  brow  of 
Jupiter — in  Virgil — to  be  counting  the  motions  of  the  second- 
hand :  a  curious  contrast  to  Death  with  an  hour-glass !  although 
to  some  nervous  patients  nearly  as  frightful. 


THE     -NEW      PURCHASE. 

One  of  our  neighbour  women,  who  was  often  ailing,  used  to 
send  for  Aunt  Kitty  to  tell  her  what  the  Doctor  meant ;  whence 
Aunt  Kitty  came  to  be  regarded  nearly  as  "  high  larri'd  as  the 
little  doctor  hisself,"  and  was  elsewhere  in  demand  as  "  the  lit- 
tle doctur's  intarpretur :"  but  she  always  resisted  persuasions 
"  to  set  up  docterin"  herself,  telling  the  folks  "  one  old  woman 
was  enough  in  the  Purchase." 

An  honest  woodsman  went  once  with  a  severe  tooth-ache  to 
Spiceburg,  when  the  Professor,  after  a  long  examination  of  the 
patient's  mouth,  declared  with  a  very  solemn  little  phiz  that, 
"  an  operation  in  dental  surgery  seemed  necessary  in  order  to 
extract  two  of  the  principal  molares !"  At  which  the  affrighted 
sufferer  said,  "  he  was  in  powerful  pain,  and  didn't  kere  to  let 
the  Doctor  pull  out  a  couple  of  his  old  rottin  back  teeth — but 
he'd  rather  bear  the  tooth-ache  a  hull  year  nor  have  the  dentul 
suggery  or  the  principal  mol'lerees  ither  done  on  his  mouth." 
Finally,  however,  one  tooth  was  pulled,  the  other  broken  off — 
and  half  and  half,  is  all  patent  doctoring  does — cures  one  and 
kills  another ! 

The  Professor  did  not  rely  on  symptoms  in  the  morbid  body 
itself:  for  instance,  he  rested  not  satisfied  with  the  inspection 
of  the  tongue,  which  he  always  had  protruded  instead  of  vul- 
garly put-out  of  the  mouth ;  but  he  wisely  kept  two  keen  eyes 
out  on  the  watch  for  external  symptoms — being  well  disposed 
to  that  way  of  judging,  which  determines,  if  a  saddle  is  under 
the  bed,  that  the  person  in  the  bed  is  sick,  or  dead,  from  eating 
the  horse.  Hence,  on  the  present  occasion,  he  came  at  once  to 
a  very  infallible  judgment  of  the  case,  wholly  by  external  -symp- 
toms ;  for  on  hearing  an  infantile  cry,  which  had  commenced 
just  an  hour  before  his  arrival,  and  broken  out  at  intervals 
since,  he  instantly  and  without  feeling  anybody's  pulse,  or  in- 
specting anybody's  tongue,  or  asking  a  question,  but  with  a  very 
grand  and  imposing  air,  said — "  that  the  lady  was  as  well  as 
could  be  expected !"  But  he  learned,  however,  a  very  useful 
piece  of  knowledge,  viz :  that  there  is  at  least  one  other  thing 
beside  time  and  tide  that  waits  for  nobody. 

Stall,  it  was  quite  edifying  to  witness  the  anxious  bustling, 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  223 

and  to  hear  the  learned  remarks  of  our  dwarf  Esculapius ;  who, 
among  other  things,  was  constrained  to  acknowledge  that — 
"  unassisted  nature  had  yet  mighteous  potential  efficacity  of  her 
own  intrinsic  internal  force,  and  that  she  sometimes  required 
only  the  co-elaborative  aid  of  a  skilful  practitioner  to  conduct 
to  a  felicitary  tendency  her  wonderful  designs !"  Hence  "  he 
would  only  order  now  the  exhibition  of  a  few  grains  of  his 
soporific  sleep-producing  powder,  to  induce  a  state  of  somnorific 
quiescence  ! ! — because  he  was  decidedly  of  opinion  that  "  with 
proper  care  and  no  misfortunate  reactions,  the  lady  would  with- 
out dubiety  become  convalescent  in  the  ordinary  time ! ! !" 

And,  would  you  believe  it,  dear  reader1? — all  came  to  pass 
precisely  as  he  predicted ! — and  stranger  yet  to  tell,  without  the 
aid  of  the  soporific  powder !  For  that,  by  a  blameable  negli- 
gence, Mr.  C.  himself,  who  was  charged  with — the  exhibition, 
never  mixed  ! !  But  then  to  atone  and  for  fear  some  living 
creature  might  accidentally  swallow  the  exhibition  all  at  once, 
and  so  sleep  too  long,  we  very  considerately  the  next  day  put 
the  whole  paper  of  somnorific  quiescence  into  the  fire. 

In  the  morning,  after  a  very  early  breakfast,  Professor  Pill- 
box, having  received  the  usual  fee  for  his  invaluable  aid  in 
enlivening  the  western  solitudes,  leaped  with  amazing  agility  on 
his  mountainous  horse  ;  which  he,  indeed,  styled  "  a  quadrupe- 
dal conveyancer ;"  and  was  quickly  peering  over  his  cartouch- 
boxes  on  the  way  to  Spiceburg. 

But,  reader  ! — beware  of  calling  this  mighty  little  personage 
a  quack  :  for  he  had,  if  not  a  diploma  from  a  college,  a  regular 
license  from  the  State  !  Oh  !  the  potential  efficacity  of  a  true 
republican  legislature !  What  can  it  not  achieve  ?  By  a  mere 
vote,  or  a  legal  volition,  it  can  out  of  nothing — yes,  ex-nihilo! — 
or  next  to  nothing  create  any  and  every  man  a  lawyer — a  phy- 
sician ! — a  teacher  ! — or  even  a  Jackass  !  !  And  these  creations 
all  become  the  greatest  of  their  sorts ! — greater  even  than  the 
very  legislators  that  first  made  them  ! — streams  getting  higher 
than  their  fountain ! 

No,  no,  reader,  our  Professor,  like  others  of  the  kind,  had  so 
great  an  abhorrence  of  quackery,  that  he  would  not  allow  Josey 


224  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

Jackson,  his  landlord,  to  keep  a  single  duck  I  And  two  years 
after  the  Hon.  J.  Glenville's  services  ended,  when  Professor 
Pillbox  himself  was  sent  to  the  House,  he  had  influence  suffi- 
cient to  procure  by  a  unanimous  vote,  the  passage  of  the  follow- 
ing resolution,  and  which  remained  in  full  force  when  we  left 
the  Purchase,  viz : 

"Resolved : — that  no  quacks  but  those  that  are  licensed,  shall  recover  the  amount 
of  their  medical  fees  by  law." 

Vide  Journals  of  the  House,  VI.  Fol.  p.  95. 


CHAPTER    XXX. 

"  Instant  in  season  and  out  of  season." 

THE  future  historian  of  the  Western  church  may  learn,  from 
this  chapter,  that  the  company  of  believers  of  which  Mr.  Hils- 
bury  was  a  bishop,  whenever  about  three  or  four  such  can  be 
found,  form  an  ecclesiastical  court,  with  spiritual  jurisdiction 
over  a  given  district.  A  court  of  this  kind  was  constituted  this 
autumn  in  "Glenville  at  the  episcopal  residence.  The  smallest 
legitimate  number  of  clergy  composed  it,  and  every  reverend 
gentleman  wTas  honoured  with  an  office:  Mr.  Hilsbury  was 
made  President,  Mr.  Shrub,  of  Timberopolis,  Clerk,  and  Mr. 
Merry — a  bishop,  in  transitu — Treasurer.  And  thus  was 
shown,  after  all,  the  practicability  of  Locke's  celebrated  Funda- 
mental Constitution  of  Carolina,  found  impracticable  in  Sayle's 
province — the  offices  and  dignities  requiring  every  man  in  tho 
colony. 

But,  allow  us  to  introduce  the  clerk  of  the  court — Bishop 
Shrub.  Of  this  gentleman  we  shall  merely  say,  that  if  a  pro- 
found and  an  extensive  acquaintance  with  all  the  important  and 
various  subjects  of  ecclesiastical  learning,  together  with  uncom- 
mon research  in  most  other  kinds  ;  if  the  command  of  elegant 
style  in  writing,  and  the  power  of  rich  and  copious  elocution  in 
preaching  ;  if  a  pious  and  a  conscientious  mind,  an  ardent  zeal 
in  the  service  of  his  Master,  and  incessant  labours  for  the  good 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  225 

of  men  ;  if  the  most  engaging  and  winning  manners  in  conver- 
sation ;  if  all  these  and  similar  excellences,  possess  charms,  then 
would  the  reader  have  rejoiced  to  know  Bishop  Shrub,  and 
would  have  classed  and  cherished  him  among  the  most  highly 
estimated  friends. 

As  Mr.  Merry  will  speak  for  himself  in  this  chapter,  the  reader 
may  say  what  he  thinks  of  this  person  after  reading  his  Buckeye 
Sermon,  delivered  at  Forster's  Mills. 

Among  the  decrees  of  the  New  Purchase  Council,  it  was  or- 
dained that  Brothers  Shrub  and  Merry  should  perform  a  mis- 
sionary tour  of  some  weeks  between  41°  and  42°  N.  latitude, 
and  in  a  region  destitute  of  any  spiritual  instruction ;  a  region 
indeed  almost  destitute,  it  proved,  of  inhabitants  too,  the  thin 
"  sprinkle"  having,  in  all  probability,  sought  a  place  free  from 
all  trammels,  political  as  well  as  ecclesiastical.  The  brethren 
took  neither  purse  nor  scrip,  and  expected  no  present  reward 
farther  than  the  pleasure  of  doing  good  ;  and  yet  they  laboured 
as  if  in  expectation  of  being  at  the  end  of  the  tour,  thrown  into 
a  modern  bishop's  see — not  of  glass,  but  of  silver  and  gold,  and 
other  clinking  evils.  Having  myself  long  desired  to  visit  the 
country  now  laid  out  as  missionary  ground,  I  begged  permission 
to  join  the  party  ;  which  request  being  cheerfully  granted,  away 
we  started  as — missionaries — hem !  See,  then,  reader,  "  how 
we  apples  swim !" 

During  the  excursion,  three  discourses  were  delivered  daily, 
the  ministers  alternately  preaching,  and  the  times  being  usually 
ten  o'clock,  A.M.,  two  o'clock,  P.M.,  and  five  o'clock  in  the  even- 
ing. In  proceeding  up  the  river — the  Big  Gravelly — appoint- 
ments were  left  for  our  return,  and  also  sent  on  before  us,  by 
any  chance  person  found  going  towards  the  polar  circle.  Nor 
did  any  one  show  reluctance  to  bear  the  message  ;  although  on 
overtaking  once  a  woodsman,  and  begging  him  to  name  some 
place  where  we  could  preach  next  day,  at  ten  o'clock,  he  re- 
plied : — 

"Well,  most  sartinly,  I'll  give  out  preachin  for  any  feller- 
critturs  whatsoever — and  Forster's  saw-mill  is  jist  about  the 
best  plar*  in  all  these  parts — but  I  sorter  allow  'taint  no  use  no 
10* 


226  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

how  much — as  folks  in  them  diggins  isn't  powerful  gospel- 
greedy."  And  then  excusing  himself  from  hearing  Bishop  Shrub 
that  same  evening,  he  rode  suddenly  down  an  abrupt  bank  of 
the  river,  and  plunged  into  water,  barely  admitting  his  large 
horse  to  go  over  without  swimming :  yet  he  faithfully  made  the 
appointment  at  the  mill  for  his  "  feller-critturs,"  although  of  our 
neighbour  himself  we  never  saw  more. 

Our  churches,  of  course,  were  usually  cabins,  our  pulpits 
chairs;  but  the  church  at  Forster's  saw-mill  deserves  special 
commemoration  from  the  odd  oddity  of  the  place,  the  audience, 
and  the  sermon  of  Brother  Merry. 

The  church  was  literally  in  the  mill ;  nor  was  this  a  frame 
building,  painted  red,  with  flocks  of  pigeons  careering  round,  or 
perched  on  its  dormer  windows,  or  strutting  and  billing,  and 
cooing  and  pouting  along  the  horizontal  spout ;  while  on  a  neigh- 
bouring elevation  stood  a  commodious  stone  house,  the  owner's 
and  mason's  names  handsomely  done  on  a  smooth  stone,  near 
the  summit  of  its  gable  ;  and  smiling  meadows  stretched  away 
along  the  dancing  waters — concomitants  rendering  a  mill  so  en- 
chanting in  old  countries !  no,  no : — here  was  a  naked,  un- 
planked  saw-mill !  a  roof  of  boards,  twisted,  warped  and  rest- 
less, on  the  top  of  a  few  posts ;  the  prominent  objects  being  the 
great  wheel,  the  saw  itself,  and  the  log  in  the  very  act  of  tran- 
sition into  plank  and  scantling  ! 

No  human  dwelling  was  in  sight,  and  it  was  afterwards  found 
that  the  owner  and  his  men  lived  three  miles  from  the  mill ; 
that  they  went  home  but  once  or  twice  in  the  week,  eating  dur- 
ing the  day,  when  hungry,  of  cold  corn  and  fat  pork,  and  sleep- 
ing during  the  night  in  the  snuggest  corner  of  the  mill-shed,  and 
drinking  both  day  and  night,  when  thirsty  or  otherwise,  freely 
of  water  and — whiskey.  For  prospect  around  was  an  ugly, 
half-cleared  clearing,  with  piles  of  huge  logs,  not  to  be  burned, 
however,  but  sawed.  The  dam  was  invisible.  A  large,  square 
trough  conducted  a  portion  of  the  Big  Gravelly  river  to  its 
scene  of  paltry  labour ;  and  there  the  water,  after  leaping  an- 
grily from  the  end  of  its  wooden  channel,  and  indignantly 
whirling  a  great  lubberly,  ill-made,  clattering  wheel,  as  in  de- 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  227 

rision  of  its  architect,  hurried  impatient  along  a  vile-looking 
ditch,  half  choked  with  weeds  and  grass,  to  remingle  with  the 
sparkling,  free  stream  below  ! 

Meeting,  then,  was  to  be  held  on  a  few  loose  planks,  consti- 
tuting the  floor,  laid  ad  capsisum !  The  pulpit  was  to  be  the 
near  end  of  the  log,  arrested  for  a  time  in  its  transformation  to 
lumber ;  while  at  the  far  end  was  to  be  the  congregation — at 
least  the  sinners,  who  might  sit,  or  lean,  or  recline,  or  stand,  as 
suited  convenience.  The  congregation  was  big  of  its  size,  con- 
sisting of  the  saw-miller,  Mr.  Forster,  and  Mr.  Forster's  two 
men — and  also,  three  hunters,  who,  accidentally  hunting  in  the 
neighbourhood,  had  chanced  to  stop  just  now  at  the  mill — in  all 
six  sinners ;  more,  however,  than  are  allowed  in  a  Puseyite 
cathedral,  where  conversions  are  unfashionable ! 

As  we  rode  up,  a  few  minutes  before  ten  o'clock,  the  saw  was 
gnashing  away  its  teeth  at  the  far  end  of  the  log,  nor  did  it  cease 
till  we  had  entered  the  shed ;  and  then,  the  owner  unwillingly 
stopped  the  performance,  seeming,  by  his  manner,  to  say — 
"  Come,  let's  have  your  preaching  powerful  quick,  the  saw  wants 
to  be  cutting  agin."  This  was  far  from  encouraging  ;  yet  Mr. 
Merry,  whose  turn  was  to  preach,  began  his  preparations,  ob- 
serving, in  a  conciliatory  way,  that  he  would  not  hinder  his 
friends  very  long,  but  that  we  felt  it  would  not  be  right  to  pass 
any  settlement  where  the  neighbours  were  kind  enough  to  give 
us  an  opportunity  of  preaching.  The  preacher's  manner  so  far 
won  on  our  sullen  congregation,  that  Mr.  Forster  and  two 
others  took  seats  in  a  row  on  their  end  of  the  log ;  while  two 
leaned  themselves  against  the  saw-frame,  and  one  against  an  ad- 
joining post :  Brother  Shrub  and  Mr.  Carlton  sat  among  the 
saints  at  the  pulpit-end  of  the  log,  like  good  folks  and  penitents 
in  churches  with  altars. 

In  this  combination  of  adverse  circumstances,  great  as  was 
our  confidence  in  Mr.  Merry,  who  was  as  used  to  this  sort  of 
matters  as  are  eels  to  skinning,  we  feared  for  his  success  to-day. 
Yet  he  began  seemingly  unembarrassed,  holding  a  small  Testa- 
ment, in  which  was  concealed  a  piece  of  paper,  size  of  a  thumb, 
and  pencilled  with  some  half  a  dozen  words,  constituting  the 


228  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

parson's  notes !  And  notes  in  the  New  Purchase  and  the  adja- 
cent parts  are  always  concealed  by  preachers  who  use  them ;  for 
the  use  of  such  argues  to  most  hearers,  a  want  of  heart  religion  ; 
beside  that  no  place  is  found  in  our  pulpits  to  spread  out  writ- 
ten discourses.  To  have  used  in  Forster's  mill-meeting  to-day, 
any  other  than  the  thumb-paper  just  named,  would  have  been 
considerably  worse  than  ridiculous — it  would  have  deserved  a 
scratch  or  so  from  Mr.  Forster's  saw-teeth,  or  what  is  next  to 
it,  a  scourging  from  Lord  Bishop  Baltimore. 

Brother  Merry  quickly  perceived  that  even  the  plainest  and 
almost  child-like  topics  with  suitable  language  and  illustrations 
failed  to  preserve  his  spectators'  attention.  One  man  began  to 
look  at  the  ditch  where  now  the  water  was  trickling  along  with 
a  subdued  voice ;  another,  to  cut  a  clapboard  with  his  scalping- 
kriife  ;  and  Mr.  Forster  looked  wistfully  at  his  saw,  evidently 
more  desirous  to  hear  its  music  than  both  our  preachers'  voices 
together.  Something  desperate  must  then  be  attempted  to 
arrest  attention,  or  hope  of  doing  good  at  present  abandoned. 
For  while  true  that  men  cannot  hear  without  a  preacher,  it  does 
not  follow  that  they  will  always  hear  with  one :  and  hence  Mr. 
Merry,  after  some  vain  attempts  to  convert  spectators  into 
auditors,  suddenly  stopped  as  if  done  preaching,  and  as  if  talk- 
ing^ commenced  thus  : 

"  My  friends  and  neighbours  don't  you  all  shoot  the  rifle  in 
this  settlement  ?"  That  shot  ivas  central :  it  even  startled  the 
Rev.  Shrub  and  myself.  The  man  using  up  the  clapboard 
looked  like  an  excited  dog — his  very  ears  seeming  on  fall  cock  ; 
and  Mr.  Forster  was  so  interested  that  he  answered  in  the 
affirmative  by  a  nod.  "  So  I  thought.  No  hardy  woodsman 
is  ignorant  of  that  weapon — the  noble  death-dealing  rifle.  Ay  ! 
with  that  and  the  bold  hearts  and  steady  hands  and  sharp  eyes 
of  backwoodsmen,  what  need  we  fear  any  human  enemies." 
(Approving  smiles  from  all  accompanied  with  nods  and  winks) 
— "  And  no  doubt  you  all  go  to  shooting  matches  1" — (Assent 
by  a  unanimous  nod  and  wink) — "  Yes !  yes !  it  would  be 
strange  if  you  never  went.  Now,  my  dear  friends,  I  have  no 
doubt  some  of  you  are  first-rate  marksmen,  and  can  drive  the 


THE     NEW    PURCHASE.  229 

centre  off-hand  a  hundred  honest  yards."  (Here  one  man  on 
the  congregational  end  of  the  log  stood  right  up,  and  with  a  look 
and  manner  equivalent  to  "I'm  jist  the  very  feller  what  can  do 
that.")  "  Yes  !  I  see  it  in  your  looks.  I'm  fond  of  shooting  a 
little  myself;  'tis  very  exciting — and  when  I  indulge  in  shoot- 
ing, I  have  to  keep  a  powerful  guard  over  my  heart  and  temper. 
For  don't  we  feel  ourselves,  neighbours,  a  right  smart  chance 
better  than  persons  that  can't  shoot  at  all  1  Perhaps  we  feel  a 
sort  of  glad  when  a  neighbour  makes  worse  shots  than  ourselves 
— perhaps  we  even  secretly  hope  the  man  firing  against  us  may 
miss,  or  that  something  may  happen  to  spoil  his  chance  1  And 
then,  when  we  make  good  shots,  don't  we  walk  about  sometimes 
and  brag  a  little — even  while  we  hate  to  hear  anybody  else 
bragging  ?  Come,  my  honest  friends,  don't  we  all  on  such  oc- 
casions do  some  things,  and  say  some  things,  and  wish  some 
things,  that  when  we  get  home,  and  are  alone,  and  begin  to 
think  over  the  day,  make  us  feel  sorry  about  our  conduct  at  the 
shooting1?  Come,  we  are  all  friends  and  neighbours  here,  to-day 
— aint  it  so  ?"  (Several  nods  in  assent — but  no  smiles  as  at 
first — with  fixed  attention,  and  a  go-on-Mr.  Preacher-look,  at 
the  far  end  of  the  log) — "  Yes,  yes,  my  dear  friends,  it  is  so — 
that  is  honest  and  noble  in  us  to  confess :  now  there  is  a  rule  in 
this  Book — you  all  know  what  it  is — a  rule  saying,  that  we 
ought  to  do  to  others,  what  we,  in  the  same  circumstances, 
would  wish  them  to  do  to  us.  And  surely,  that  is  a  most 
glorious  and  excellent  rule !  Well,  don't  we  often  forget  this 
rule  at  a  shooting  match  1  and  in  more  ways  than  one "?  And 
again,  every  sensible  man  well  knows  how  mean  pride  is,  and 
we  all  despise  the  proud — and  yet,  aint  we  guilty  ourselves  of 
something  like  pride  at  a  shooting  match  ? 

"Well,  it  seems,  then,  by  our  own  allowing,  we  may  be 
secretly  guilty  of  some  bad  and  mean  things,  even  when  we  are 
not  openly  wicked  and  guilty,  say  of  swearing — (shot  at  a  ven- 
ture)— or  maybe  drunkenness — (one  of  the  sinners  stole  a  look 
at  the  whiskey  jug) — or  any  other  bad  practice ;  and  we  see,  a 
man  in  his  heart  may  be  very  proud  like,  and  hate  his  neigh- 
bour, even  if  we  do  wear  homespun,  and  live  in  a  cabin.  (The 


230  THE     NEW    PURCHASE. 

brethren  were  neatly,  but  very  plain  clad.)  Ah !  dear  friends, 
our  hearts,  mine  as  well  as  yours,  are  much  worse  than  we 
usually  think — and  a  shooting  match  is  a  place  to  make  us  find 
out  some  of  our  sins  and  wickedness.  You  all  know,  how  as 
we  are  going  through  a  clearing,  we  sometimes  see  a  heap  of 
ashes  at  an  old  log  heap — and  at  first  it  all  seems  cold  and 
dead,  but  when  we  stir  it  about  with  a  piece  of  brush,  or  the 
end  of  a  ram-rod,  up  flash  sparks,  and  smoke,  too,  comes  out. 
Well,  'tis  exactly  so  with  our  natural  hearts.  They  conceal  a 
great  deal  of  wickedness,  but  when  they  are  stirred  up  by  any- 
thing like  a  shooting-match,  or  when  we  get  angry,  or  are  de- 
termined to  have  money  or  a  quarter  section  of  land  at  all 
hazards — ah  !  my  dear  friends,  how  many  wicked  thoughts  we 
have !  how  many  wicked  words  we  say  !  how  many  wicked 
things  we  do  !"  (Winks  and  nods  had  ceased — there  was 
something  in  the  benevolence,  and  earnestness,  and  tenderness 
of  our  preacher's  voice  and  manner,  that  kept  attention  rivet- 
ted  ;  and  it  was  plain  enough,  conscience  was  busy  at,  I  believe, 
loth  ends  of  the  log.)  "  Well !  now,  my  friends  and  neigh- 
bours, do  our  own  hearts  condemn  us  and  make  us  ashamed "? 
Look  up  to  yon  blue  sky  above  us — that  is  God's  sun  shining 
there  !  Hark  !  the  leaves  are  moving  in  the  trees — it  is  God's 
breath  that  stirs  them !  and  that  God  is  here !  That  God  is 
now  looking  down  into  our  very  hearts !  He  sees  what  we  now 
think,  and  he  knows  all  we  have  concealed  there !  That  glori- 
ous law  we  spoke  of  in  this  book,  that  we  have  so  often  broken, 
is  his  law !  Friends  ! — would  we  be  willing  to  die  at  this  very 
instant?  And  yet  die  we  all  must  at  some  instant;  and  if  we 
repent  not  and  seek  forgiveness  through  our  Lord  and  Saviour 
Jesus  Christ — you,  dear  neighbours,  I  myself,  and  every  one  of 
us  must  perish,  and — for  ever  !" 

I  can  never  forget  how  that  word  rang  out  into  the  adjacent 
forest — nor  the  echo  returned,  as  if  sent  back  from  the  invisible 
spirit  land — -for  ever  I 

I  shall  not  repeat  any  more  of  Mr.  Merry's  discourse.  His 
point  was  gained.  Attention  was  fixed ;  salutary  convictions 
were  implanted  in  the  auditors'  minds ;  and  they  evidently 


THE    NEW    PURCHASE.  231 

increased  in  depth  and  intensity  as  the  preacher  proceeded. 
Nay,  when  he  in  a  strain  of  peculiar  and  wild  and  impassioned 
eloquence,  dwelled  on  the  only  way  of  escape  from  divine 
wrath  through  the  blessed  Son  of  God.  our  poor  foresters  gazed 
on  his  face  with  tears  in  their  eyes,  and  remained  till  the  con- 
clusion of  the  services,  without  even  the  smallest  symptom  of 
impatience. 

When  meeting  was  out,  the  woodsmen  cordially  shook  hands 
with  us  all,  and  especially  with  Mr.  M. ;  and  expressed  a  unani- 
mous wish  to  have,  if  possible,  another  meeting  at  the  Saw  Mill. 
Bishop  Shrub  was  so  tenderly  affected  that  as  we  rode  away 
and  had  got  beyond  hearing  at  the  Mill,  he  exclaimed — "Amen 
to  that  shooting,  Brother  Merry !  we  shall  never  in  this  life  see 
again  these  poor  men — but  the  effect  of  this  day's  preaching 
must  be  lasting  as  their  lives :  surely  \ve  shall  meet  them  in 
heaven !" 

Little  specially  interesting  occurred  &>^ter  this,  till  our  return 
was  commenced.  And  then  early  one  bright  morning  we  turned 
aside  to  visit  a  deserted  Indian  town.  A  few  wigwams  in  ruins 
were  the  only  habitations  left  for  the  living :  but  in  a  seques- 
tered loneliness  on  the  margin  of  the  river,  we  found  by  the 
swelling  mounds  and  other  marks'  of  sepulture  that  we  walked 
amid  the  habitations  of  the  dead !  I  have  ever  been  deeply 
moved  by  the  sorrows  and  the  injuries  of  the  Indian — ever 
since  childhood — but  now  so  unexpectedly  among  their  graves 
— the  sacred  graves  around  which  Indians  linger  till  the  last ! 
which  they  so  mourn  after  when  exiled  far  away  in  their  wan- 
derings ! — when  we  looked  on  the  pure  white  waters  where  the 
bark  canoe  had  glided  so  noiseless;  and  heard  the  wind  so 
sweet  and  yet  so  sad,  like  moaning  spirits,  over  the  tall  grass 
and  through  the  trees — a  feeling  so  mournful,  so  desolate  came 
over  the  soul,  that  I  walked  hastily  away  to  a  still  more  lonely 
spot,  and  there  sat  down  and  cried  as  if  my  heart  were  breaking 
for  its  own  dead  ! 

When  we  rejoined  one  another  tears  were  in  the  eyes  of  all ! 
Vone  spoke — the  white  man's  voice  seemed  desecration  !  We 
true  mourners  over  those  graves.  Poor  Indians !  'at  that 


232  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

solemn  moment  it  was  in  our  hearts  to  live,  and  wander  and 
die  with  you  in  the  forest  home — to  spend  life  in  teaching  you 
the  way  of  salvation  !  Blessed  !  blessed !  be  ye,  noble  band  of 
missionaries,  who  do  all  this  ! — ye  shall  not  lose  your  reward ! 

To-day  the  evening  service  was  in  the  neighbourhood  of  Mr. 
Redwhite,  for  many  years  a  trader  among  the  Indians.  He  be- 
ing present,  insisted  on  our  passing  the  night  at  his  house.  We 
consented.  For  forty  years  he  had  lived  among  the  aborigines, 
and  was  master  of  five  or  six  Indian  languages ;  having  adopted 
also  many  of  their  opinions  on  political  and  religious  points, 
and  believing,  with  the  natives  themselves,  and  not  a  few  civi- 
lized folks,  that  the  Indians  have  had  abundant  provocations  for 
most  of  their  misdeeds.  Hence,  Mr.  Redwhite  and  Mr.  Carlton 
soon  became  "  powerful  thick" — i.  e.,  very  intimate  friends. 

The  most  interesting  thing  in  Mr.  Redwhite's  establishment, 
was  his  Christian,  or  white  wife.  She,  in  infancy,  had  escaped 
the  tomahawk  at  the  massacre  of  Wyoming,  and  afterwards 
had  been  adopted  as  a  child  of  the  Indian  tribe.  Our  friend's 
heathen,  or  red  wife,  was  a  full-blooded  savagess — the  belle  and 
the  savage; — and  had  deserted  her  husband  to  live  with  her 
exiled  people  :  and  so  Redwhite,  poor  fellow !  was  a  widower 
with  one  wife — viz.,  this  Miss  Wyoming  !  Much  of  this  lady's 
life  had  passed  among  the  Canadian  French :  and  she  was,  there- 
fore, mistress  of  the  Indian,  the  French,  and  the  English ;  and 
also  of  the  most  elegant  cookery,  either  as  regards  substantial 
dishes  or  nicnacry.  And  of  this  you  may  judge,  when  we  set 
on  supper.  But  first,  be  it  said,  our  host  was  rich,  not  only  for 
that  country,  but  for  this-,  and  though  he  lived  in  a  cabin,  or 
rather  a  dozen  cabins,  he  owned  tracts  of  very  valuable  land, 
presented  to  him  by  his  red  lady's  tribe — territory  enough,  in 
fact,  to  form  a  darling  little  state  of  his  own,  nearly  as  small  as 
Rhode  Island  or  Delaware.  Beside,  he  owned  more  real  sil- 
ver— silver  done  into  plate,  and  some  elaborately  and  tastefully 
graved  and  chased,  than  could  be  found  even  in  a  pet  bank^ 
when  dear  old  Uncle  Sam  sent  some  of  his  cronies  to  look 
for  it. 

Well,  now  the  eatables  and  drinkables.     We  had  tea,  black 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  233 

and  green,  and  coffee — all  first  chop,  and  superbly  made,  regal- 
ing with  fragrance,  and  their  delicacy  aided  by  the  just  admix- 
ture of  appropriate  sugars,  together  with  richest  cream  :— the 
additamenta  being  handed  on  a  silver  waiter,  and  in  silver  bowls 
and  cups.  The  decoctions  and  infusions  themselves  were  poured 
from  silver  spouts,  curving  gracefully  from  massy  silver  pots 
and  urns.  Wheat  bread  of  choice  flour,  and  raised  with  yeast, 
formed,  some  into  loaves,  and  some  into  rolls,  was  present,  to 
be  spread  with  delicious  butter,  rising  in  unctuous  pyramids, 
fretted  from  base  to  apex,  into  a  kind  of  butyrial  shell-work  : — 
this  resting  on  silver,  and  to  be  cut  with  silver.  Corn,  too, 
figured  in  pone  and  pudding,  and  vapoured  away  in  little  clouds 
of  steam;  while  at  judicious  intervals,  were  handed  silver  plates 
of  rich  and  warm  flannel  or  blanket  cakes,  with  so  soft  and  melt- 
ing an  expression  as  to  win  our  most  tender  regards.  There 
stood  a  plate  of  planed  venison,  there  one  of  dried  beef;  while 
at  becoming  distances  were  large  china  dishes,  partly  hid  under 
steaks  of  ham  and  venison,  done  on  gridirons,  and  sending  forth 
most  fragrant  odours : — so  that  the  very  hounds,  and  mastiffs 
and  wolf-dogs  of  the  colony  were  enticed  to  the  door  of  our  sup- 
per-cabin by  the  witchery  of  the  floating  essence ! 

But  time  would  fail  to  tell  of  the  bunns — and  jumbles — and 
sponge-cake — and  fruit  ditto — and  pound  also — and  silver  bas- 
kets— and  all  these  on  cloth  as  white  as — snow ! 

Reader  !  was  ever  such  contrast  as  between  the  untutored 
world  around  and  the  array,  and  splendour,  and  richness  of  our 
sumptuous  banquet  1  And  all  this  in  an  Indian  country !  and 
prepared  by  almost  the  sole  survivor  from  a  massacre  that  ex- 
tinguished a  whole  Christian  village !  How  like  a  dream  this  ! 

And  thou  wast  saved  at  Wyoming  !  Do  I  look  on  thee  ? — 
upon  whose  innocent  face  of  infancy  years  ago  gushed  the  warm 
blood  of  the  mother,  falling  with  her  babe  locked  to  her  bosom  ! 
Didst  thou  really  hear  the  fiendish  yells  of  that  night  1 — when 
the  flames  of  a  father's  house  revealed  the  forms  of  infuriate 
demons  dancing  in  triumph  among  the  mangled  corses  of  their 
victims !  Who  washed  the  congealed  gore  from  thy  cheek  1 
And  what  barbarian  nurse  gave  strange  nourishment  from  a 


234  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

breast  so  responsive  to  the  bloody  call  of  the  war-whoop  that 
made  thee  motherless  1 — and  now  so  tenderly  melting  at  the 
hunger-cries  of  the  orphan  !  And  she  tied  thee  to  a  barken 
cradle,  and  bore  thee  far,  far  away  to  her  dark  forest  haunts ! — 
and  there  swinging  thee  to  the  bending  branches,  bade  the  wild 
winds  rock  thee  ! — and  she  became  thy  mother,  and  there  was 
thy  home  !  Oh  !  what  different  destiny  thine  in  the  sweet  vil- 
lage of  thy  birth — but  for  that  night ! 

And  yet,  reader,  this  hostess  was  now  so  wholly  Indian  and 
Canadian,  that  when  she  talked  of  Wyoming  it  was  without 
emotion  ! — while  /  was  repressing  tears  !  Alas !  she  had  not 
one  faint  desire  to  see  the  land  of  her  ancestors !  Could  this  be 
Campbell's  Gertrude  ] 


CHAPTER    XXXI. 

"  Tend  me  to-night ! 
May  be  it  is  the  period  of  your  duty : 
Haply,  you  shall  not  see  me  more  1" 

THE  missionary  party  was  dissolved  at  Timberopolis,  and  I 
set  out  for  Glenville  alone.  One  night  was  to  be  passed  on  the 
road :  and  I,  therefore,  so  ordered  matters  as  to  tarry  that  night 
with  a  friend,  who  had  cordially  invited  me  to  make  his  house 
my  home  in  case  I  ever  should  travel  that  way. 

It  was  early  in  the  evening  when  I  reached  his  cabin  ;  but  no 
one,  to  my  surprise,  appeared  in  answer  to  repeated  calls ;  yet 
there  being  manifested  signs  of  inhabitants,  I  dismounted,  and 
entered  the  house  without  ceremony.  And  of  course  I  found 
the  family — but  all  in  bed  !  Yes !  the  mother — and  every 
mother's  son  of  them,  and  daughter  too  : — they  had  the  ague ! 

Reader ! — supposing  one .  thus  far — perhaps  you  have  dis- 
covered that  the  writer  is  disposed  to  laugh  as  well  as  cry :  not 
maliciously — but  in  a  spirit  of — of — "  Good  nature,  Mr.  Carl- 
ton1?"  That  is  it,  my  dear  reader;  however,  our  delicacy  and 
good  taste  preferred  another  to  praise  us.  Well,  we  have  found 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.   '  235 

that  such  spirit,  within  its  due  bounds,  is  a  great  help  in  sus- 
taining misfortunes  and  adversities,  especially  our — neighbours' ; 
and  it  does  seem  a  compensative  in  some  natures  that  their 
melancholy  states  may  be  followed  by  joyous  and  sunny  ones. 

.This  premised,  what  was  more  natural  than  that  we  should 
laugh  at  the  Fever  and  Ague — when  our  neighbours  had  this 
twin  disease  ?  At  last,  however,  I  was  seized  with  this  mirth- 
creating  malady  myself:  and  of  course  you  wish  to  know  how 
I  behaved  myself.  Well,  at  first  I  laughed  as  heartily  as  ever — 
just  as  I  once  did  in  the  first  stage  of  sea-sickness.  And  then  I 
took  emetics,  and  cathartics,  and  herb-teas,  and  barks,  and  bit- 
ters, and  quinine,  and  hot  toddies  seasoned  with  pepper,  oh ! 
with  such  winning  smiles ! — that  the  folks  all  said — "  it  was 
quite  a  privilege  I — hem  ! — to  wait  on  me !" 

Fye !  on  our  hypocrisy  and  selfishness !  all  this  captivating 
behaviour  arose  from  a  persuasion  that  it  would  aid  a  speedy 
cure !  And  for  a  time  the  enemy  seemed  willing  to  be  smiled 
away — with  the  "  coelaboration"  of  the  above  smile-creating 
doses — and,  I  do  believe,  we  got  to  laughing  more  than  ever. 
But  one  day  after  my  cure,  on  returning  from  a  little  walk  extra 
— with  a  rifle  on  my  shoulder — a  very  gentle,  but  rather  chilly 
sensation  began  very  ridiculously  to  trickle  down  my  spine — 
and  there,  would  you  believe  it,  was  our  Monsheer  Tonson 
again ! 

Now,  be  it  remembered,  here  was  a  surprise  and  a  cowardly 
and  treacherous  assault,  if  I  now  for  the  first  looked — grum : 
besides  it  was  evident  good  nature  was  no  permanent  cure  for 
the  ague.  Nay,  Dr.  Sylvan  told  me  that  once  he  had  the  ague, 
and  repeatedly  after  he  was  cured  the  thing  kept  sneaking  back 
and  down  his  back  ;  till  on  the  last  occasion  coming,  after  it  had 
seemingly  been  physicked  to  death  like  some  of  the  patients,  he 
was  so  incensed  at  its  impudence  as  to  set  to  and  so  kick  and 
stamp  and  toss  and  dance  and  wriggle  about,  that  the  fit  was 
actually  stormed  out !  and  from  that  hour  no  ague,  dumb,  vocal, 
or  shaking  had  ever  ventured  near  him !  Had  I  heard  this  in 
time,  my  insidious  foe  would  have  been  treated  to  a  similar  as- 
sault and  battery.  But,  perhaps,  so  violent  exercise  on  my  part 


236  THE    NEW     PURCHASE. 

might  have  only  accelerated  and  made  fatal  a  crisis  now  ap- 
proaching ;  for  soon  I  became  so  alarmingly  ill  that  John  Glen- 
ville  was  posting  to  Woodville  for  Dr.  Sylvan :  but  before  he 
could  have  reached  that  place  I  was  raging  in  the  delirium  of 
fever ! 

Two  things  in  the  events  of  that  dreadful  night  seem  worth 
mentioning :  first,  while  nothing  done  to  or  for  me  was  known, 
I  have  to  this  day  the  most  distinct  remembrance  of  my  phrenzy 
visions;  and  secondly,  that  hours  dwindled  into  minutes;  for 
seemingly  only  to  shut  and  open  my  eyes,  it  was  said  after- 
wards that  then  I  had  slept  even  two  full  hours ! — and  that  my 
countenance  and  motions  indicated  a  state  of  fearful  mental  agi- 
tation. In  that  state  two  visions,  each  repeated  and  re-repeated 
with  vivid  intensity,  and  seeming  to  fill  spaces  of  time  like  those 
marked  by  flashes  of  lightning,  were  so  terrific  and  appalling  as 
to  force  me  to  violent  gestures  and  alarming  outcries. 

One  vision  was  this.  A  gigantic  cuirassier,  more  than  twenty 
feet  high,  and  steel  clad,  was  mounted  on  a  mammoth  of  jet 
black  colour  and  glistening,  and  moving  with  the  grace  and 
swiftness  of  an  antelope.  On  the  rider's  left  was  couched  a 
spear,  in  size  like  a  beam,  and  its  barbed  point  flaming  as  the 
fires  of  a  furnace:  while  in  his  right  hand  was  brandished  an 
immense  sword  of  scimetar  shape,  and  so  intensely  bright  as  to 
blind  the  beholders.  To  oppose  this  apparition  was  drawn  out 
in  battle  a  large  army,  with  all  the  apparatus  of  war,  swords, 
spears,  smaller  fire  arms,  and  the  heaviest  artillery — the  troops 
being  in  several  lines,  with  cannon  in  the  centre  and  rifles  on  the 
wings ;  and  all  ready  with  levelled  weapons  and  burning  matches 
awaiting  the  onset  of  the  terrific  rider — Death  !  Soon  came  a 
signal  flash  from  the  heavens  clothed  in  sackcloth  looking 
clouds — a  kind  of  meteor  sunlight — and  at  its  gleam  the  cuiras- 
sier, on  his  Black  Mammoth,  like  a  tempest  driven  by  a  whirl- 
wind, swept  rushing  on  ! — the  nostrils  of  the  strange  beast 
dilated  with  fiery  foam,  his  hoofs  thundering  over  the  rocks  and 
streaming  fire ;  while  the  rider,  upright  in  the  stirrups,  poised 
with  one  hand  his  spear,  and  with  the  other  flashed  his  scimetar, 
and  uttered  a  war-cry  so  loud  and  clear  as  to  reach  the  very 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  237 

heavens  and  appal  and  confound  the  stoutest  hearts !  At  this 
instant  would  I  be  possessed  with  a  strange  and  invincible  furor, 
and  pouring  forth  shrieks  and  outcries  in  answer  to  the  war-cry 
of  the  warrior-spirit,  I  would  strike  with  my  clenched  hands  as 
if  armed  with  weapons — while  the  army  awaiting  our  now  com- 
bined onset  raised  their  responsive  shouts  of  defiance,  and  then, 
poured  out  against  us  stream  after  stream  of  fire,  with  the  clatter 
and  crash  and  roar  of  many  thunders — but  in  vain ! — On,  on,  on 
we  rushed ! — the  earth  shook  and  groaned  and  broke  asunder 
into  yawning  gulfs  and  sulphureous  caverns  ! — and  down,  down, 
down  sank  the  troops,  smitten,  dismayed,  crushed ! — while  the 
Black  Mammoth,  reeling  from  ten  thousand  balls,  and  spears 
and  barbed  arrows,  with  the  fiendish  voice  of  many  demons, 
plunged  headlong  into  the  discomfited  host,  and  there  falling 
with  the  shock  of  an  earthquake,  crushed  men,  cannon,  horses, 
spears,  into  one  horrible,  quivering  mass  !  Then,  from  amidst 
this  ruin,  up  sprang  the  giant-spirit,  with  triumphant  shouts,  and 
strided  away  to  mount  another  Black  Mammoth,  and  renew 
with  variations  this  battle  of  my  exhausting  vision ! 

My  other  vision  was  as  solemn  to  me  as  ever  can  be  the  very 
article  of  death.  Methought  I  la,y  in  a  little,  narrow,  frail 
canoe,  and  with  power  neither  to  move  nor  speak — yet  with  as 
keen  perceptions  as  if  I  were  all  senses.  The  canoe  itself  was 
at  the  head  of  a  gulf,  tied  to  its  bank  with  a  twine  of  thread  and 
trembling  on  its  violent  waves ;  the  gulf  being  between  walls 
of  rock  towering  away  up  smooth  and  perpendicular  for  many 
hundred  feet,  and  running  with  dark  and  dismal  waters  very 
swiftly  towards  a  narrow  opening  through  an  adamantine  rock. 
That  opening  was  an  egress  into  an  unknown,  bottomless,  shore- 
less, chaotic  and  wildly  tumultuating  ocean ! — I  felt  myself 
quivering  on  the  current  of  time  just  as  it  was  sweeping  into 
Eternity  ! — I  saw  strange  sights  ! — I  heard  unearthly  sounds ! 
Oh !  the  unutterable  anguish  and  despair  as  I  lay  helpless  and 
awaited  the  sundering  of  my  cobweb  tie — in  the  twinkling  of 
an  eye  should  I  pass  into  that  vast  and  dread  unknown ! 

Reader!  was  this  really  sleep — and  did  I  only  dream? — or 
was  it  the  summoning  of  the  spirit  to  see  in  a  trance  what 


238  THE     NEW      PURCHASE. 

awaits  us  all  1  Aye !  be  assured  our  dreams  are  not  always 
dreams!  A  spirit- world  is  around  us — and  it  is  perhaps  in 
such  visions  God  designs  we  should  catch  faint  glimpses  of  that 

other  state. 

****** 

When  Glenville  returned  from  Woodville,  he  was  accompa- 
nied not  by  Doctor  Sylvan,  but  by  the  Doctor's  nephew — one 
of  the  two  young  gentlemen  of  Indian  grave  memory.  And  he 
brought  a  long  paper  of  written  and  minute  directions;  and 
among  others,  the  Doctor's  favourite  plan  of  changing  the 
character  of  agues — for  making  a  dumb  ague  speak  or  shake. 
Here  is  an  extract  from  the  Doctor's  paper,  so  that  it  can  be 
better  judged  whether  my  refusal  to  try  the  mode  of  cure  was 
altogether  owing  to  obstinacy  : — 

" and  then,  as  the  shaking  ague  is  altogether 

tractable,  his  dumb  ague  must  be  immediately  changed  into  the 
other.  Carry  then  your  patient  into  the  passage  between  the 
two  cabins,  or  into  the  open  air,  and  strip  off  all  his  clothes  that 
he  may  lie  naked  in  the  cold  air  and  upon  a  bare  sacking — and 
then  and  there  pour  over  and  upon  him  successive  buckets  of 
cold  spring  water,  and  continue  until  he  has  a  decided  and 
pretty  powerful  smart  chance  of  a  shake." 

Ohhoo !  ooh ! — (double  oo  in  moon,  with  very  strong  aspira- 
tion)— it  makes  me  shake  now  ! 

Well ! — at  long  last  the  dumb  thing  left  me ;  so  that  I  lived 
to  write  more  books  than  two :  but  we  shall  not  say  how  often 
we  "put  on  a  damp  night-cap  and  relapsed,"  nor  how  ap- 
parently near  what  began  in  laughing  came  to  ending  in  tears. 
Only  let  our  reader  draw  from  this  case  two  practical  resolu- 
tions : — 

First — to  cultivate  a  fixed  determination  never  to  get  any 
kind  of  an  ague — if  he  can  help  it :  and 

Secondly,  to  indulge  in  no  unseeming  pleasantry  when  he 
sees  a  neighbour  shiver  or  shake — unless  that  neighbour  insist 
manfully  that  you  shall  laugh  rather  than  cry  with  him. 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  239 


CHAPTER    XXXII. 

THIRD   YEAR. 

"  Our  dying  friends  come  o'er  us,  like  a  cloud, 
To  damp  our  brainless  ardour,  and  abate 
That  glare  of  light  which  often  blinds  the  wise. 
Our  dying  friends  are  pioneers,  to  smooth 
Our  rugged  paths  to  death." 

THE  commencement  of  our  third  summer  was  marked  by  an 
event  very  sad  to  our  little  self-exiled  company  in  the  woods — 
the  death  of  Mrs.  Glenville. 

Were  all  here  said  affection  prompts  and  truth  warrants,  a 
volume  might  be  easily  written,  interesting  to  most,  but  spe- 
cially to  that  comparatively  small  yet  most  excellent  class, 
known  as  religious  people  :  for  never  had  such  a  brighter  orna- 
ment or  safer  pattern.  No  one,  except  the  inspired  person  who 
first  gave  the  exhortation,  could  more  truly  have  said  with  her 
lips  to  her  friends  as  she  did  by  her  life — "  Be  ye  followers  of 
me  as  I  am  of  Christ."  But  none  ever  was  so  unwilling  to  ap- 
propriate that  or  similar  expressions :  she  was  too  pious,  too 
humble  and  meek  and  childlike  ever  to  think  her  lovely  temper, 
resigned  spirit,  and  disinterested  goodness  to  be,  as  they  were,  a 
bright  and  burning  light. 

In  early  life  she  was  said  to  be  surpassingly  beautiful.  But 
danger  and  temptation  from  beauty  were  soon  prevented ;  in 
the  midst  of  her  bloom  her  enchanting  face  was  for  ever  marred 
by  the  fearful  traces  of  the  small-pox.  Yet  spite  of  this,  and 
even  in  advanced  life,  rare  was  it  to  behold  a  countenance  more 
agreeable  than  hers ;  in  which  was  the  blended  expression 
of  pleasing  features,  benevolent  feeling,  pure  sentiment,  and 
heavenly  temper.  The  original  beauty  of  the  countenance  had 
seemingly  been  transferred  to  the  heart;  whence  it  beamed 
afresh  from  the  face,  refined,  chastened,  renovated.  Her  person 


240  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

was  tall  and  finely  proportioned ;  and  so  imposing  her  mien, 
from  a  native  dignity  of  soul,  that  had  her  original  beauty  re- 
mained, Mrs.  Glenville  must  have  always  appeared  a  Grace. 

She  was  well  educated  and  extensively  read  in  history,  and 
many  other  important  secular  subjects,  but  her  chief  reading 
had  always  been  that  best  of  books — the  Bible  :  indeed,  to  this, 
during  the  last  few  years  of  her  sorrowful  life,  her  whole  atten- 
tion was  given.  She,  however,  read  now  one  other  book — a  book 
we  name,  although  with  no  expectation  of  its  obtaining  favour  in 
an  unreflecting  age — "Ambrose's  looking  unto  Jesus."  And 
these  two  books,  in  the  latter  months  of  her  life,  owing  to  the 
nature  of  her  disease,  she  read  on  her  knees  !  That  disease  was 
an  aneurism  of  the  femoral  artery,  of  long  continuance,  and  to- 
wards the  last  exceedingly  painful — and  which,  from  an  early 
period  of  its  existence,  had  been  pronounced  fatal.  Yet  all  this 
created  in  her  no  alarm,  produced  not  the  slightest  murmur,  and 
abated  not  her  customary  cheerfulness  and  playful  vivacity. 
Nay,  she  tried  even  to  comfort  and  encourage  our  little  settle- 
ment— being  really  more  joyous  in  anticipation  of  a  removal  to 
the  better  land,  than  we  could  have  been  in  returning  from  exile 
to  vast  temporal  possessions  and  a  beauteous  earthly  home ! 

Reason  was  unimpaired  till  within  a  very  few  moments  of 
death ;  and  we  all  stood  around  her  bed  in  the  rude  cabin, 
while  she,  placing  her  hands  on  the  heads  of  her  grandchildren, 
offered  a  solemn  prayer  for  their  welfare ; — and  then,  with  an 
interrupted  voice  of  the  utmost  tenderness,  she,  looking  on  us 
for  the  last,  and  smiling,  said — "  I  am  dying — all — peace  !" 
The  king  of  terrors  was  there — to  her  an  Angel  of  beauty — to 
us  dark  and  frightful ! — and  he  rudely  shook  that  dear  frail 
tabernacle  with  a  severe,  perhaps  a  painful  convulsion  !  But 
that  loved  heart,  after  one  throe  of  agony,  was  still ! — a  deep 
sigh  breathed  from  the  quivering  lips — and  she  was  not,  for  God 
had  taken  her !  A  blood  ransomed  and  sanctified  spirit  was  in 
its  true  home!  ******** 

Two  days  after  we  laid  her  in  a  lone  and  forest  grave.  And 
there  all  were  mourners.  None  walked  in  that  procession  of 
the  dead  but  the  people  of  Glenville — brothers,  sisters,  chil- 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  241 

dren  !     In  that  solitary  spot  we  laid  her,  far  away  from  conse- 
crated ground  and  the  graves  of  our  fathers  ! 

********* 
But  what!  though  night  after  night  around  that  spot  was 
heard  the  melancholy  howl  of  the  wild  beast ! — what !  though 
the  great  world  knows  not,  cares  not  to  know  of  that  leaf- 
covered  grave  !  The  dust  that  slumbers  there  shall  live  again — 
and  die  no  more  !  Better  far  lie  in  an  unknown  grave  and  rise 
to  the  resurrection  of  the  just,  than  under  a  sculptured  monu- 
ment amid  the  lofty  mausoleums  of  kings,  if  one  thence  must 
rise 

—To  die  the  endless  death  I 


CHAPTER    XXXIII. 

"Why  should  a  man,  whose  blood  is  warm  within, 

Sit  like  his  grandsire  cut  in  alabaster  ?" 
"Where  should  this  music  be?  T  the  air,  or  the  earth  f" 

IMPORTANT  changes  to  the  Glenville  settlement  soon  followed 
the  death  of  Mrs.  Glenville.  It  was  found  necessary  to  connect 
a  store  with  the  tannery ;  and  hence,  after  due  deliberation,  it 
was  decided  that  Mr.  Carlton  should  now  remove  to  Woodville 
and  open  the  store ; — the  ex-legislator,  J.  Glenville,  to  remain 
and  conduct  the  leather  department  with  old  Dick,  and  also  buy 
up  produce  for  the  Orleans  market,  and  all  along  shore  there. 
He — not  Dick,  but  Glenville — was  now  also  a  candidate  for 
Prothonotary ;  although  not  from  elevated  and  pure  patriotism, 
as  in  his  other  campaign — the  fact  is  we  had  had  honour  enough 
and — loss.  An  eye  was  now  fixed  on  the  salary  ;  we  wished  to 
serve  the  people,  provided,  like  other  great  patriots,  we  could 
also  serve  ourselves  ;  bad  men  serve  only  themselves,  good  ones 
both  themselves  and  the  people. 

Uncle  John  and  Aunt  Kitty  were  to  stay  with  Glenville  in  the 
patriarchal  cabin ;  but  Miss  Emily  Glenville  was  to  go  with  us 
to  Woodville,  where  she  and  Mrs.  Carlton  would  set  up  an  Insti- 
11 


242 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 


tute  for  Young  Ladies  ! — the  very  first  ever  established  in  the 
New  Purchase. 

In  due  season,  and  after  innumerable  dividings  and  packings 
of  goods  and  chattels,  off  we  set ;  a  good  two  horse  wagon  and 
its  owner  and  driver,  a  robust  youth  of  the  timber  world, 
having  been  hired  to  take  us  and  "  the  plunder."  Aunt  Kitty 
insisted  on  going  over  to  see  us  safe  at  our  new  home  and  to 
help^z;  and  old  Dick,  poor  fellow  !  looked  so  wistfully  at  me, 
that  I  agreed  to  ride  the  honest  creature  to  Woodville,  if  he 
would  consent  to  come  back  tied  to  the  tail  of  the  wagon ;  and 
to  that  he  made  no  objection  whatever.  And  so  he  went  along 
too. 

Nothing  important  occurred  on  the  journey,  only  a  curious 
complimentary  mistake  of  the  bustling  hostess  during  the  night 
we  were  compelled  to  pass  on  the  road.  This  sagacious  lady, 
seeing  a  baby  in  the  party,  inferred,  in  Pillbox's  style,  that 
somebody  was  married;  and  as  Aunt  Kitty  carried  the  little 
"  crittur,"  and  made  an  awful  deal  of  fuss,  and  Mr.  C.  used  once 
or  twice  nursery  diminutives,  the  landlady  concluded  that  if  I 
was  "  faddy  waddy"  Aunt  Kitty  must  be  "  mammy  wammy  " 
Hence,  about  bed  time,  she  considerately  said — "  I  want  to 
'commodate  near  about  as  well  as  we  can  fix  it,  and  so  him — 
(pointing  to  Mr.  Carlton) — and  you  ma'am — (speaking  to  Aunt 
Kitty) — kin  have  the  room  up  loft  thare ;  and  them  young  folks 
— (Mrs.  Carlton,  Emily  C.,  and  the  driver) — kin  have  this  room 
down  here  all  alone  to  'emselves !" 

Now,  reader,  had  I  a  very  grave  and  solemn  countenance  in 
my  youth,  or  was  Aunt  Kitty,  then  just  thirty-five  years  and  six 
months  my  senior,  a  very  pretty,  youthful  looking  woman? 
And  what  could  have  deceived  our  Hoosierina  1  that  when  in- 
formed of  her  error,  she  should  have  exclaimed : 

"  Well !  now  !  I  never  seed  the  like  on  it !  Why  if  I  didn't 
sentimentally  allow  you  was  the  two  old  folkses,  and  them  two 
likely  young  gals,  your  two  oldermost  daters — and  that  leetle 
crittur,  you  look'd  like  you  was  a  nussin,  your  last  and 
youngenest !" 

Awh !  come  now,  reader,  act  fair ;  for  Aunt  Kitty  was  after 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  243 

all  a  right  down  good-looking  body,  and  as  live/y  as  a  young 
lady  of  plus-twenty.  And  do  not  fine,  handsome  young  fellows 
sometimes  marry  good-looking  aged  ladies  very  rich  ? 

Next  day  we  came  safe  to  Woodville.  But  now,  alas  !  was 
to  be  the  parting  with  old  Dick  !  True,  he  let  them  tie  him  to 
the  tail  of  the  wagon — but  evidently,  he  was  trotted  off  contrary 
to  his  secret  wishes,  and  a  good  deal  faster  than  he  was  accus- 
tomed to  go ;  for  our  driver,  desirous  of  reaching  the  river  by 
night,  and  having  no  return  load,  drove  away  at  a  Jehu  gait.  I, 
standing  at  our  upper  story  back  window,  cried  out,  as  he 
wheeled  into  his  retrograde  position — "  Good-by,  Dick,  good- 
by !"  and,  would  you  have  believed  it?  He  cocked  back  his 
ears ! — rolled  up  his  eyes ! — and  with  head  and  neck  almost 
horizontal,  he  made  not  only  desperate  efforts  not  to  trot,  but 
to  slip  his  halter !  In  vain  !  The  brute  horses  in  front,  were 
too  many  for  the.  poor  fellow,  and  away,  away  they  jerked  him ; 
till  the  party,  entering  the  woods,  turned  suddenly  into  the  road 
to  Glenville,  and  he  was  forced  round  with  an  ample  sweep  of 
his  rear  quarters ;  and  the  last  I  ever  saw  of  my  poor  dear  old 
comrade  was  a  most  indignant  flourish  of  his  venerable  tail ! 
For,  before  my  visit  to  the  former  home,  Dick,  who  would  not 
grind  bark  alone,  and  John  could  not  be  constantly  with  him, 
was  sold  to  a  neighbouring  teamster;  and  then,  in  about  a  year 
after,  he  ended  his  earthly  career  as  he  had  begun  it — a  wheel- 
horse  to  a  wagoner!  Whether  from  the  infirmity  of  age,  or 
heart-broken  at  quitting  our  family,  he  dropped  dead,  holding 
back  in  his  place,  on  the  descent  of  a  precipitous  hill  n  *  *  * 
*  *  *  Poor  Dick !  poor  Dick  ! — Don't  pshaw  at  me,  reader! 
I'm  not  crying,  any  such  thing — yes  !  he's  dead  now  !  /  shall 
never  see  him  again  !  and  you  will  never  hear  of  him.  If  he  has 
plagued  you  some  in  this  work,  he  will  not,  like  some  bipedalio 
and  quadrupedal  heroes  in  certain  other  books,  plague  you  all 
through ! 

Behold  us,  then,  one  step  back  towards  the  worldly  world. 
And  so  now  we  shall  have  a  little  backwoods  town  life,  with  an 
occasional  excursion  to  our  country-seat  at  Glenville,  like  great 
shopkeepers  of  eastern  cities. 


244  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

Our  first  step  at  Woodville  was  to  write  and  fasten  up  at 
the  post-office,  court-house,  jail,  doctor's  office  and  other  public 
places,  copies  of  our  prospectus  for  the  Woodville  young 
ladies'  institute.  This  was  necessary  for  sixteen  reasons : 
Firstly,  there  was  no  printing  office  nearer  (then)  than  one 
hundred  miles;  secondly — Oh!  I  see  you  are  satisfied — I'm 
not  going  on.  Wonderful  care,  however,  had  been  used  to 
make  our  notice  a  specimen,  both  of  penmanship  and  patriot- 
ism ;  and  hence  more  was  accomplished  in  our  favour  than 
could  have  been  done  by  sixteen  line  pica  and  long  primer. 
For  instance,  heading  the  foolscap,  was  a  superb  American 
eagle,  in  red  ink  flourish,  and  holding  in  his  bill  a  ribbon,  in- 
scribed— "  Young  Ladies'  Institute."  Then  came  the  mistresses* 
names  in  large  round  hand — then  the  location  in  letters,  in- 
clining backward,  like  old  Dick  when  wheel-horse — (Oh!  par- 
don,  he  shall  not  hold  back  for  us  again — I  was.  off  my  guard)  ; 
and  then  the  word  PROPOSE  that  introduced  the  page-like  mat- 
ter, in  capitals  of  German  text,  with  heads  and  tails  curled"  and 
crankled  and  interlaced,  so  as  nearly  to  bewilder  the  reader 
about  the  meaning !  And  yet,  so  adroitly  was  this  word  con- 
trived, that  if  one  pertinaciously  and  judiciously  kept  on  through 
all  the  windings,  he  would  emerge  safe  enough  at  the  final  flour- 
ish of  the  E ;  and  be  not  a  little  triumphant  at  twisting  unhurt 
and  unscared  through  the  labyrinth  of  "  sich  a  most  powerful 
hard  and  high  larn'd  hand-write !" 

Leaving  this  prospectus  to  produce  its  own  effects,  I  set  out 
for  Louisville  to  lay  in  goods,  and  also  to  bring  out  for  our 
school-purposes,  a  piano.  Now  this  was  the  very  first  that 
"  was  ever  heern  tell  of  in  the  Purchus !"  Hence  no  small 
sensation  was  created,  even  by  the  bare  report  of  our  intention. 
Nay,  from  that  moment,  till  the  instrument  was  backed  up  to 
our  door  to  be  removed  from  the  wagon,  expectation  was  on 
tip-toe,  and  conjecture  never  weary.  "A  pianne  !  what  could  it 
be  *?  Was  it  a  sort  a  fiddle-like — only  bigger,  and  with  a  pow- 
erful heap  of  wire  strings  ?  What  makes  them  call  it  a  forty 
pianne  1 — forty — forty — ah!  yes,  that's  it — it  plays  forty  tunes!" 

Some  at  Woodville  knew  well  enough  what  a  piano  was,  for 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  245 

there,  as  elsewheie,  in  the  far  \vest,  were  oddly  congregated,  a 
few  intelligent  persons  from  all  ends  of  the  earth :  but  these 
did  all  in  their  power  to  mislead  conjecture,  enjoying  their 
neighbours'  mistakes.  After  a  narrow  escape  of  being  backed, 
wagon  and  all,  into  the  creek,  already  mentioned,  as  having  the 
ford  just  seren  feet  deep,  and  notwithstanding  the  roughness,  or 
as  my  friend,  lawyer  Cutswell,  used  to  say,  "  the  asperities"  of 
the  road,  the  instrument  reached  us,  and  in  tune — unless  our 
ears  were  lower  than  concert  pitch.  At  all  events,  we  played 
tunes  on  it,  and  vastly  to  the  amazement  and  delight  of  our 
native  visitors ;  who,  considering  the  notes  of  the  piano  as  those 
of  invitation,  came  by  day  or  night,  not  only  around  the  win- 
dow, but  into  the  entry,  and  even  into  the  parlour  itself,  and  in 
hosts !  Nor  did  such  ever  dream  of  being  troublesome,  as 
usually  it  was  a  "  sorter  wantin  to  hear  that  powerful  pianne 
tune  agin !"  But  often  the  more  curious  "a  sort  o'  wanted  the 
lid  tuk  up  like  to  see  the  tune  a  playin,  and  them  little  jumpers 
(dampers)  dance  the  wires  so  mighty  powerful  smart !" 

All  this  was,  indeed,  annoying,  yet  it  was  amusing.  Beside, 
we  might  as  well  have  bolted  the  store,  and  left  the  Purchase, 
as  to  bolt  our  door,  or  quit  playing :  and  beyond  the  ill-savour 
of  such  conduct  in  a  backwood's  republic,  it  would  have  been 
cynical  not  to  afford  so  many  simple  people  a  great  pleasure  at 
the  cost  of  a  little  inconvenience,  and  some  rusting  of  wires 
from  the  touches  of  perspiring  fingers.  An  incident  or  two  on 
this  head,  and  our  music  may,  for  the  present,  be  dismissed. 

One  day  a  buxom  lass  dismounted,  and  after  "  hanging  her 
crittur"  to  my  rack,  walked  not,  as  was  usual,  into  the  store 
first,  but  direct  into  our  parlour,  where  she  made  herself  at 
home,  thus  : — 

"  Well !  ma'am,  I'm  a  sort  a  kim  to  see  that  'are  thing  thare — 
(pointing  to  the  piano) — Jake  says  it's  powerful — mought  a  body 
hear-  it  go  a  leetle,  ma'am  ?" 

Of  course ;  Mrs.  Carlton,  let  it  "go  a  leetle,"  and  then  it  was 
rapturously  encored,  rubbed,  patted,  wondered  at,  asked  about, 
etc.,  for  one  good  solid  hour,  when  our  familiar  made  the  follow- 
ing speech,  and  retired  : — 


246 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 


"  Well ! — pianne  tunes  is  great !  I  allow  that  pianne  maybe 
prehaps,  cost  near  on  to  about  half  a  quarter  section,  (forty 
acres,  valued  at  fifty  dollars.)  I  wish  Jake  and  me  was  rich 
folks,  and  Fd  make  him  go  half  as  high  as  yourri  ;  however,  I 
plays  the  fiddle,  and  could  do  it  right  down  smart,  only  some 
how  or  nuther  I  can't  make  my  fingers  tread  the  strings  jist 
ezactly  right!" 

A  very  respectable  woman,  wife  of  a  wealthy  farmer,  seven 
miles  from  Woodville,  having  been  one  day  in  town  till  towards 
evening,  thought  she  would  step  over,  and,  for  the  first  time, 
hear  the  famous  piano ;  and  that,  although  she  was  to  ride  home 
by  herself,  and  by  a  very  long  and  lonesome  road.  Our  best 
tunes  were  accordingly  done,  and  with  flute  accompaniments ; 
at  which  our  honest-hearted  neighbour,  raising  both  hands,  and 
with  a  peculiar  nod  of  the  head,  and  wonderful  naivete,  ex- 
claimed : — 

"Compton — (her  husband) — Compton  said  it  was  better  nor 
the  fiddle  ! — but  I'm  sentimentally  of  opinion  it's  as  fur  afore  a 
fiddle,  as  a  fiddle's  afore  a  jusarp  !" 

Illustrious  shade  of  Paganini !  what  say'st  thou  to  that  ? 

Once,  however,  a  fine,  yet  unpolished  young  man  came,  but 
evidently  with  an  impression  that  some  invitation  was  neces- 
sary, as  he  rapped  at  the  parlour  door,  and  would  not  enter  till 
invited  by  Mrs.  Carl  ton.  She  was  playing  at  the  time,  and  well 
knowing  the  cause  of  the  visit,  she  soon  asked  if  he  was  fond  of 
music,  to  which  he  answered  : — 

"  Oh  !  most  powerful  fond,  ma'am  ;  and  as  I  heern  tell  of  the 
pianne,  I  made  a  sort  a  bold  to  step  in — and  maybe,  prehaps, 
you'd  play  a  tune." 

Tune  after  tune  was  accordingly  played  ;  while  the  young 
man,  who,  abashed  at  his  entrance,  remained  near  the  door,  now 
arose,  and  advancing  as  if  drawn  by  some  enchantment,  little 
by  little,  he  stood  at  the  end  of  the  instrument,  absorbed  in  the 
music,  and  his  eyes  fixed  with  an  intense  gaze  on  the  lady's 
countenance — and  at  last,  when  the  music  ceased  at  the  conclu- 
sion of  some  piece  of  Beethoven's,  he  heaved  a  profound  sigh, 
and  thus  fervently  said : — 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  247 

"  If  I  had  a  puttee  wife  and  such  a  fixin,  I'd  never  want  nothing 
no  more  no  how !" 

Reader !  that  man  had  a  soul !  Sweet  sounds  and  a  fair 
face — my  mother-in-law  had  been  a  very  beautiful  woman, — 
now  touched  chords  in  his  heart  never  before  so  vibrated  ;  and 
there  came  ill-defined,  but  enraptured  visions — so  lofty !  so 
aerial !  so  unlike  his  cabin,  his  sisters,  and,  perhaps,  his  sweet- 
heart !  Wo  to  the  fop  who  then  should  even  have  looked  im- 
pertinence towards  the  musician !  Ah  !  sweetheart !  for  an  in- 
stant thy  image  was  away !  Thy  lover  had  caught  a  dim 
glimpse  of  a  region  and  atmosphere  where  a  more  refined  lady- 
love only  could  live ! 

And  so  we  were  now  fully  under  weigh  at  Woodville,  selling, 
buying,  keeping  school,  and  playing  the  piano — the  last  im- 
portant affair  being  sadly  interrupted  by  the  duties  of  house- 
keeping. Mrs.  C.  began  more  clearly  to  understand  an  elegant 
phrase,  addressed  to  her  at  our  entrance  into  the  wooden  coun- 
try— "  the  working  of  one's  own  ash-hopper."  A  girl  was  in- 
deed caught — although  the  creatures  were  shy  as  wild  turkeys — 
about  once  a  month ;  but  the  success  was  only  small  relief  to 
the  mistress. 

Hence  a  New  Purchase  is  not  the  most  pleasant  place  in  the 
world  for  boarding-school  young  ladies — or  indeed  for  any 
females  who  have  not  muscles  of  oak,  and  patience  of  an  ox. 
Let,  then,  no  fair  lady  who  can  remain  in  an  old  settlement, 
venture  into  a  new  one  from  mere  poetical  reasons;  or  till  she 
has  long  and  deeply  pondered  this  phrase  and  its  cognates — "  to 
work  your  own  ash-hopper  !"  And  if  a  nice  young  gentleman 
engaged  to  be  married  to  a  pretty,  delicate  lily -flower  of  loveli- 
ness, is  meditating  "  to  flit"  to  a  bran  new  settlement,  let  him 
know  that  out  there  rough  men,  with  rare  exceptions,  regard 
wives  as  squaws,  and  as  they  often  expressed  their  views  to  Mr. 
Carlton,  "  have  no  idee  of  sich  weak,  feminy,  wimmin  bodies  as 
warnt  brung  up  to  sling  a  dinner-pot — kill  a  varmint — and  make 
leather  brichises !" 

MORAL. 
Better  to  marry  in  the  Range. 


248  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 


CHAPTER    XXXIV. 

" quodcunque  ostendis  mihi  sic,  incredulus  odi." 

" 1  am  slow  to  believe  fish  stories." 

OUR  Board  of  Trustees,  it  will  be  remembered,  had  been 
directed  by  the  Legislature  to  procure,  as  the  ordinance  called 
it,  "  Teachers  for  the  commencement  of  the  State  College  at 
Woodville."  That  business,  by  the  Board,  was  committed  to 
Dr.  Sylvan  and  Robert  Carlton — the  most  learned  gentlemen 
of  the  body,  and  of — the  New  Purchase !  Our  honourable 
Board  will  be  more  specially  introduced  hereafter ;  at  present  we 
shall  bring  forward  certain  rejected  candidates,  that,  like  rejected 
prize  essays,  they  may  be  published,  and  thus  have  their  re- 
venge. 

None  can  tell  us  how  plenty  good  things  are  till  he  looks  for 
them  ;  and  hence,  to  the  great  surprise  of  the  Committee,  there 
seemed  to  be  a  sudden  growth  and  a  large  crop  of  persons  even 
in  and  around  Woodville,  either  already  qualified  for  the  "  Pro- 
fessorships," as  we  named  them  in  our  publications,  or  who 
could  "  qualify"  by  the  time  of  election.  As  to  the  "  chair" 
named  also  in  our  publications,  one  very  worthy  and  disinter- 
ested schoolmaster  offered,  as  a  great  collateral  inducement  for 
his  being  elected,  "  to  find  his  own  chair  /" — a  vast  saving  to  the 
State,  if  the  same  chair  I  saw  in  Mr.  Whackum's  school-room. 
For  his  chair  there  was  one  with  a  hickory  bottom  ;  and  doubt- 
less he  would  have  filled  it,  and  even  lapped  over  its  edges,  with 
equal  dignity  in  the  recitation  room  of  Big  College. 

The  Committee  had,  at  an  early  day,  given  an  invitation  to 
the  Rev.  Charles  Clarence,  A.  M,,  of  New  Jersey,  and  his  an- 
swer had  been  affirmative ;  yet  for  political  reasons  we  had 
been  obliged  to  invite  competitors,  or  make  them,  and  we  found 
and  created  "  a  right  smart  sprinkle." 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  249 

Hopes  of  success  were  built  on  many  things — for  instance,  on 
poverty  ;  a  plea  being  entered  that  some  thing  ought  to  be  done 
for  the  poor  fellow — on  one's  having  taught  a  common  school 
all  his  born  days,  who  now  deserved  to  rise  a  peg — on  political, 
or  religious,  or  fanatical  partizan  qualifications — and  on  pure 
patriotic  principles,  such  as  a  person's  having  been  "  born  in  a 
canebrake  and  rocked  in  a  sugar  trough."  On  the  other  hand, 
a  fat,  dull-headed,  and  modest  Englishman  asked  for  a  place,  be- 
cause he  had  been  born  in  Liverpool !  and  had  seen  the  world 
beyond  the  woods  and  waters  too  !  And  another  fussy,  talka 
tive,  pragmatical  little  gentleman,  rested  his  pretensions  on  his 
ability  to  draw  and  paint  maps ! — not  projecting  them  in  round- 
about scientific  processes,  but  in  that  speedy  and  elegant  style 
in  which  young  ladies  copy  maps  at  first  chop  boarding-schools ! 
Nay,  so  transcendant  seemed  Mr.  Merchator's  claims,  when  his 
show  or  sample  maps  were  exhibited  to  us,  that  some  in  our 
Board,  and  nearly  everybody  out  of.  it,  were  confident  he  would 
do  for  Professor  of  Mathematics  and  even  Principal. 

But  of  all  our  unsuccessful  candidates,  we  shall  introduce  by 
name  only  two — Mr.  James  Jimmey,  A.S.S.,  and  Mr.  Solomon 
Rapid,  A.  to  Z. 

Mr.  Jimmey,  who  aspired  to  the  mathematical  chair,  was 
master  of  a  small  school  of  all  sexes,  near  Woodville.  At  the 
first,  he  was  kindly,  yet  honestly  told,  his  knowledge  was  too 
limited  and  inaccurate ;  yet,  notwithstanding  this,  and  some  al- 
most rude  repulses  afterwards,  he  persisted  in  his  application 
and  his  hopes.  To  give  evidence  of  competency,  he  once  told 
me  he  was  arranging  a  new  spelling-book,  the  publication  of 
which  would  make  him  known  as  a  literary  man,  and  be  an  un- 
speakable advantage  to  "  the  rising  generation."  And  this 
naturally  brought  on  the  following  colloquy  about  the  work  : — 

"Ah  !  indeed  !  Mr.  Jimmey  ?" 

"  Yes,  indeed',  Mr.  Carlton." 

"  On  what  new  principle  do  you  go,  sir  ?" 

"  Why,  sir,  on  the  principles  of  nature  and  common  sense. 
I  allow  school-books  for  schools  are  all  too  powerful  obstruse  and 
hard-like  to  be  understood  without  exemplifying  illustrations." 
11* 


250  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

"  Yes,  but  Mr.  Jimmey,  how  is  a  child's  spelling-book  to  be 
made  any  plainer  ]" 

"Why,  sir,  by  clear  explifications  of  the  words  in  one  column, 
by  exemplifying  illustrations  in  the  other." 

"I  do  not  understand  you,  Mr.  Jimmey,  give  me  a  spe- 
cimen   " 

"  Sir  ?" 

"  An  example " 

"  To  be  sure — here's  a  spes-a-example ;  you  see,  for  instance, 
I  put  in  the  spelling-column,  C-r-e-a-m,  cream,  and  here  in  the 
explifi cation,  column,  I  put  the  exemplifying  illustration — 
Unctions  part  of  milk  /" 

We  had  asked,  at  our  first  interview,  if  our  candidate  was  an 
algebraist,  and  his  reply  was  negative;  but,  "he  allowed  he 
could  '  qualify''  by  the  time  of  election,  as  he  was  powerful  good 
at  figures,  and  had  cyphered  clean  through  every  arithmetic  he 
had  ever  seen,  the  rule  of  promiscuous  questions  and  all!" 
Hence,  some  weeks  after,  as  I  was  passing  his  door,  on  my  way 
to  a  squirrel  hunt,  with  a  party  of  friends,  Mr.  Jimmey,  hurry- 
ing out  with  a  slate  in  his  hand,  begged  me  to  stop  a  moment, 
and  thus  addressed  me  : — 

"  Well,  Mr.  Carlton,  this  algebra  is  a  most  powerful  thing — 
aint  it  ?" 

"  Indeed  it  is,  Mr.  Jimmey — have  you  been  looking  into  it  1" 

"  Looking  into  it !  I  have  been  all  through  this  here  fust  part ; 
and  by  election  time,  I  allow  I'll  be  ready  for  examination." 

"  Indeed  !" 

"  Yes,  sir  !  but  it  is  such  a  pretty  thing  !  Only  to  think  of 
cyphering  by  letters !  Why,  sir,  the  sums  come  out,  and 
bring  the  answers  exactly  like  figures.  Jist  stop  a  minute—* 
look  here  ;  a  Stands  for  6,  and  b  stands  for  8,  and  c  stands  for  4, 
and  d  stands  for  figure  10;  now  if  I  say  a-f-b — cmd,  it  is  all 
the  same  as  if  I  said,  6  is  6  and  8  makes  14,  and  4  subtracted, 
leaves  10 !  Why,  sir,  I  done  a  whole  slate  full  of  letters  and 
signs ;  and  afterwards,  when  I  tried  by  figures,  they  every  one 
of  them  came  out  right  and  brung  the  answer !  I  mean  to 
cypher  by  letters  altogether." 


THE     NEW      PURCHASE.  251 

Mr.  Jimme y,  my  company  is  nearly  out  of  sight — if  you  can 
get  along  this  way  through  simple  and  quadratic  equations  by 
our  meeting,  your  chance  will  not  be  so  bad — good  morning, 
sir." 

But  our  man  of  "  letters"  quit  cyphering  the  new  way,  and 
returned  to  plain  figures  long  before  reaching  equations ;  and  so 
he  could  not  become  our  professor.  Yet  anxious  to  do  us  all  the 
good  in  his  power,  after  our  college  opened,  he  waited  on  me,  a 
leading  trustee,  with  a  proposal  to  board  our  students,  and 
authorized  me  to  publish — "  as  how  Mr.  James  Jimmey  will 
take  strange  students — students  not  belonging  to  Woodville — to 
board,  at  one  dollar  a  week,  and  find  every  thing,  washing  in- 
cluded, and  will  black  their  shoes  three  times  a  week  to  boot, 
and — give  them  their  dog-wood  and  cherry-bitters  every  morning 
into  the  bargain!" 

The  most  extraordinary  candidate,  however,  was  Mr.  Solomon 
Rapid.  He  was  now  somewhat  advanced  into  the  shaving  age, 
and  was  ready  to  assume  offices  the  most  opposite  in  character ; 
although  justice  compels  us  to  say  Mr.  Rapid  was  as  fit  for  one 
thing  as  another.  Deeming  it  waste  of  time  to  prepare  for 
any  station  till  he  was  certain  of  obtaining  it,  he  wisely  de- 
manded the  place  first,  and  then  set  to  work  to  become  qualified 
for  its  duties,  being,  I  suspect,  the  very  man,  or  some  relation 
of  his,  who  is  recorded  as  not  knowing  whether  he  could  read 
Greek,  as  he  had  never  tried.  And,  beside,  Mr.  Solomon 
Rapid  contended  that  all  offices,  from  president  down  to  fence- 
viewer,  were  open  to  every  white  American  citizen ;  and  that 
every  republican  had  a  blood-bought  right  to  seek  any  that 
struck  his  fancy;  and  if  the  profits  were  less,  or  the  duties 
more  onerous  than  had  been  anticipated,  that  a  man  ought  to 
resign  and  try  another. 

Naturally,  therefore,  Mr.  Rapid,  thought  he  would  like  to  sit 
in  our  chair  of  languages,  or  have  some  employment  in  the  State 
college ;  and  hence  he  called  for  that  purpose  on  Dr.  Sylvan, 
who,  knowing  the  candidate's  character,  maliciously  sent  him  to 
me.  Accordingly,  the  young  gentleman  presented  himself,  and 
without  ceremony,  instantly  made  known  his  business  thus  : — 


252  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

"I  heerd,  sir,  you  wanted  somebody  to  teach  the  State 
school,  and  I'm  come  to  let  you  know  I'm  willing  to  take  the 
place." 

"  Yes,  sir,  we  are  going  to  elect  a  professor  of  languages  who 
is  to  be  the  principal,  and  a  professor " 

"Well,  I  don't  care  which  I  take,  but  I'm  willing  to  be  the 
principal.  I  can  teach  sifring,  reading,  writing,  joggerfree,  sur- 
veying, grammur,  spelling,  definitions,  parsin " 

"Are  you  a  linguist1?" 

"Sir?" 

"  You  of  course  understand  the  dead  languages  ?" 

"  Well,  can't  say  I  ever  seed  much  of  them,  though  I  have 
heerd  tell  of  them ;  but  I  can  soon  larn  them — they  aint  more 
than  a  few  of  them  I  allow  1" 

"  Oh  !  my  dear  sir,  it  is  not  possible — we — can't " 

"  Well,  I  never  seed  what  I  couldn't  larn  about  as  smart  as 
any  body  — 

"Mr.  Rapid,  I  do  -not  mean  to  question  your  abilities;  but  if 
you  are  now  wholly  unacquainted  with  the  dead  languages,  it  is 
impossible  for  you  or  any  other  talented  man  to  learn  them 
under  four  or  five  years." 

"  Pshoo !  foo !  I'll  bet  I  larn  one  in  three  weeks !  Try  me, 
sir, — let's  have  the  furst  one  furst — how  many  are  there  ?" 

"  Mr.  Rapid,  it  is  utterly  impossible ;  but  if  you  insist,  I  will 
loan  you  a  Latin  book " 

"  That's  your  sorts,  let's  have  it,  that's  all  I  want,  fair  play." 

Accordingly,  I  handed  him  a  copy  of  Historise  Sacrse,  with 
which  he  soon  went  away,  saying,  he  "  didn't  allow  it  would  take 
long  to  git  through  Latin,  if  'twas  only  sich  a  thin  patch  of  a 
book  as  that." 

In  a  few  weeks  to  my  no  small  surprise,  Mr.  Solomon  Rapid 
again  presented  himself;  and  drawing  forth  the  book  began  with 
a  triumphant  expression  of  countenance  : — 

"  Well,  sir,  I  have  done  the  Latin." 

"  Done  the  Latin  !" 

"  Yes,  I  can  read  it  as  fast  as  English." 
"  Read  it  as  fast  as  English ! !" 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  253 

"  Yes,  as  fast  as  English — and  I  didn't  find  it  hard  at  all." 

"  May  I  try  you  on  a  page  ?" 

"  Try  away,  try  away ;  that's  what  I've  come  for." 

"  Please  read  here  then,  Mr.  Eapid ;"  and  in  order  to  give 
him  a  fair  chance,  I  pointed  to  the  first  lines  of  the  first  chapter, 
viz :  "In  principio  Deus  creavit  ccelum  et  terrain  intra  sex  dies; 
primo  die  fecit  lucem,"  etc. 

"  That,  sir  1"  and  then  he  read  thus,  "  in  prinspo  duse  cree- 
vit  kalelum  et  terrum  intra  sex  dyes— primmo  dye  fe-fe-sit 
looseum,"  etc. 

"  That  will  do,  Mr.  Rapid " 

"  Ah !  ha !     I  told  you  so." 

"  Yes,  yes — but  translate." 

"  Translate !"  (eyebrows  elevating.) 

"  Yes,  translate,  render  it." 

"  Render  it ! !  how's  that  1"  (forehead  more  wrinkled.) 

"  Why,  yes,  render  it  into  English — give  me  the  meaning 
of  it." 

"  MEANING  ! !"  (staring  full  in  my  face,  his  eyes  like  saucers, 
and  forehead  wrinkled  with  the  furrows  of  eighty) — "MEAN- 
ING ! !  I  didn't  know  it  had  any  meaning.  I  thought  it  was  a 
DEAD  language ! !" 

****** 

Well,  reader,  I  am  glad  you  are  not  laughing  at  Mr.  Rapid ; 
for  how  should  any  thing  dead  speak  out  so  as  to  be  understood  ? 
And  indeed,  does  not  his  definition  suit  the  vexed  feelings  of 
some  young  gentlemen  attempting  to  read  Latin  without  any 
interlinear  translation  ?  and  who  inwardly,  cursing  both  book 
and  teacher,  blast  their  souls  "  if  they  can  make  any  sense  out 
of  it."  The  ancients  may  yet  speak  in  their  own  languages  to 
a  few  ;  but  to  most  who  boast  the  honour  of  their  acquaintance, 
they  are  certainly  dead  in  the  sense  of  Solomon  Rapid. 

Our  honourable  board  of  trustees  at  last  met ;  and  after  a 
real  attempt  by  some,  and  a  pretended  one  by  others,  to  elect 
one  and  another  out  of  the  three  dozen  candidates,  the  Reverend 
Charles  Clarence,  A.  M.,  was  chosen  our  principal  and  professor 
of  languages ;  and  that  to  the  chagrin  of  Mr.  Rapid  and  other 


254  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

disappointed  persons,  who  all  from  that  moment  united  in  de- 
termined and  active  hostility  towards  the  college,  Mr.  Clarence, 
Dr.  Sylvan,  Mr.  Carlton,  and,  in  short,  towards  "  every  puss 
proud  aristocrat  big-bug,  and  blasted  Yankee  in  the  New  Pur- 
chase." 


CHAPTER    XXXV. 

"  Die  mihi,  si  fueris  tu  leo,  qualis  eris  ?" 

"  Let  me  play  the  lion  too  ;  I  will  roar  that  I  will  do  any  man's  heart  good  to  hear 
me;  I  will  roar  that  I  will  make  the  duke  say,  'Let  him  roar  again,  let  him  roar 
again.1 " 

SCARCELY  had  our  college  excitements  subsided,  when  we 
were  favoured  by  a  visit  from  two  apostolic  new  lights.  These 
holely  men  worked  by  inspiration,  and  had  patent  ways  of  con- 
verting folks  by  wholesale — by  towns,  villages,  and  settlements ; 
although,  it  must  be  owned,  the  converts  would  not  stay  con- 
verted. And  yet  these  men  did  verily  do  wonders  at  Wood- 
ville,  as  much  so  as  if  by  Mesmerism,  or  Mormonism,  or 
Catholicism,  they  had  magnetised  and  stupefied  all  our  moral 
and  spiritual  phrenological  developments  !  If  the  doctrine  be 
true,  as  some  religious  editors  assert,  and  we  suppose  on  good 
authority,  that  the  sect  which  can  in  the  shortest  time  convert 
the  most  is  the  favourite  with  heaven,  then  our  new  lights  de- 
served the  appellation  they  gave  themselves — Christ-ians. 

Our  priests  depended  on  no  "  high  larnin," — set  no  apples  of 
gold  in  frames  of  silver,  but  despised  "man-hatch'd  fillosofees ;" 
and  we  may  add  even  harmless  grammar,  being  as  they  said 
"  poor,  unlarn'd,  ignorant  men,"  and  also,  unshaved,  uncombed, 
and  fearfully  dirt-begrimed — close  imitators,  as  they  insisted, 
of  primitive  Christianity.  All  they  did  was  "  goin  from  house 
to  house  a  eatin  and  drinkin  sich  as  was  set  afore  them,"  bel- 
lowing prayers,  snivelling  and  sobbing,  and  slobbering  over 
man,  woman,  and  child,  and  "  a  begginin  and  beseechinin  on 
them  to  come  to  meetin."  And  as  meetings  were  held  at  every 
hour  of  every  day  and  every  night,  we  lived  on  the  trot  in  going 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  255 

to  an  3  from  them — becoming  thus  a  very  peculiar,  if  not  a  very 
good  people. 

At  meeting,  our  venerable  teachers  prayed  as  loud  and  per- 
tinaciously as  the  priests  of  Baal,  aided,  however,  by  amateurs 
in  the  congregations ;  yet  with  it  all,  we  never  advanced  beyond 
oh  !-ing  and  ah  !-ing.  Still,  definite  petitions  were  often  pre- 
sented, some  for  "  onreginerit  worldlins,"  some  for  "  hypocrit 
professors,"  and  many  "for  folks  what  believed  in  John  Calvin's 
religion  and  hadn't  never  been  convarted."  But  as  it  was  of 
importance  to  have  certain  persons  saved,  and  the  god  of  the 
new  lights  might  not  fully  understand  who  was  meant,  names 
were  mentioned  in  prayer,  as  "  dear  brother  Smith,"  or  poor 
"  dear  sister  Brown ;"  and  sometimes  titles  were  added,  as 
"  dear  Squire  Goodman,"  or  "  dear  Major  Meanwell." 

I  never  had  the  pleasure  of  hearing  the  bulls  of  Bashan  roar ; 
yet,  having  heard  our  new  light  preachers,  I  can  now  form  a 
better  conjecture  as  to  that  peculiar  eloquence ;  at  all  events, 
our  two  preachers  foamed  like  a  modern  bull  worried  by  boys 
and  butchers'  dogs,  and  never  gave  over  till  exhausted.  Often 
what  they  said  was  unknown,  as  their  words  seemed  to  burst 
asunder  as  soon  as  let  out — peculiar  shells  from  wonderful  mor- 
tars !  And  these  two  personages  as  far  excelled  poor  Philip  in 
noise,  grimace,  and  incoherence,  as  he  excelled  in  those  qualities 
a  delicate  divine  of  the  nineteenth  century,  who  reads  a  sleepy 
second-rate  didactic  discourse  of  a  warm  afternoon  in  dog-days, 
in  Pompous  Square  church ;  and  that  when  the  Rev.  Doctor 
Feminit  fears  the  bronchitis. 

And  yet  by  this  simple  machinery,  and  well  worked,  in  about 
two  weeks  our  new  lights  had  converted  every  man,  woman, 
and  child  in  Woodville,  except  Dr.  Sylvan,  Mr.  Carlton,  and 
some  other  half  dozen  hardened  sinners  that  would  "  stout  it 
out  any  how !"  And  now,  from  every  house,  alley,  grove, 
orchard,  resounded  forth  curious  groans,  outcries  and  yells  of 
private  prayer !  For  all  this  was  called  private  prayer! — the 
Scriptures,  indeed,  directing  otherwise ;  but  Barton  Stone,  and 
Campbell  Stone  can  do  much  more  with  people  out  there  than 
Peter  Stone  the  apostle ;  and  men  naturally  love  the  fanatical 


25t)  THE     NEW    PURCHASE. 

Pharisaism  of  pseudo-inspired  teachers,  councils  and  conclaves. 

An  opinion  was  held  by  most  of  our  fanatics,  that  direct, 
earnest,  and  persevering  prayer  would  result  in  the  instanta- 
neous conversion  of  any  one  in  whose  favour  it  was  made ;  and, 
of  course,  to  the  most  opposite  creeds !  This  naturally  led  to 
some  ridiculous  consequences ;  for  it  soon  was  argued  that  if 
an  unregenerate  man  could  be  got  by  any  art  or  contrivance,  or 
coaxing,  to  pray  right  earnestly  for  himself,  and  cry  out  loud 
and  long  for  mercy,  he  would  be  immediately  converted  ;  nay, 
it  was  held  to  be  efficacious  if  he  could  be  forced  by  physical 
means  to  pray  !  Hence,  among  other  things  of  the  sort,  one  of 
our  domestic  chaplains,  a  very  large  and  fat  man,  now  stirred 
up  and  enlivened  by  this  visit  of  the  good  men,  overtook  a 
neighbour  in  the  woods,  going  to  meeting,  and  after  having  in 
vain  exhorted  the  person  "  to  fall  right  down  on  his  knees  and 
cry  for  mercy,"  he  suddenly  leaped  on  the  incorrigible  rascal, 
and  cast  him  to  the  earth ;  and  then  getting  astride  the  humbled 
sinner,  he  pressed  him  with  the  weight  of  two  hundred  and 
twenty-five  pounds,  avoirdupois,  till  he  cried  out  with  sufficient 
earnestness  and  intensity  to  "  get  religion  !"  Nor  did  this  con- 
vert, made  by  so  novel  a  papistical  engine,  fall  away  any  sooner 
than  most  other  converts  mechanically  forced,  although  by  dif- 
ferent contrivances — he  hung  on  some  weeks.  Besides,  if  little 
children  in  western  New  York  were  whipped  with  a  rod  into  the 
kingdom  of  heaven,  why  should  not  a  stout  sinner,  too  big  for 
that  discipline,  be  pommelled  into  the  Tsame  kingdom  in  the 
New  Purchase,  by  Bishop  Paunch  1 

And  would  not  more  persons  have  been  converted  to  Ober- 
linism,  Finneyism,  or  Abolitionism,  or  Anyism,  if,  after  the 
manner  with  our  new  lights,  folks  had  more  frequently  been 
characterized  by  their  entire  names  and  employments,  when 
prayed  for  ?  Indeed,  one  distinguished  lawyer  in  western  New 
York,  always  ascribed  his  non-conversion,  after  innumerable 
prayers  made  for  him  in  public,  and  even  by  name,  to  the  un- 
fortunate omission  of  his  middle  name  ! 

Religious  reader  !  do  not  mistake  us ;  we  are  laughing  at 
Satan's  delusions !  And  we  lived  long  enough  to  find  true  what 


THE     NEW    PURCHASE.  257 

we  once  heard  a  very  learned,  talented  and  pious  minister  of  the 
Gospel  say,  that "  all  such  excitements  from  false  religions  were 
sure  to  be  followed  by  infidelity."  Our  evangelical  churches 
were  for  a  time  deserted ;  our  family  altars  abandoned ;  our 
domestic  intercourse  ruined ;  the  Sabbath  desecrated ;  the  sa- 
cred name  profaned,  and  his  attributes  sneered  at ;  and  avowed 
and  naming  converts  to  fanaticism  were,  in  two  or  three  years 
after,  reeling  drunkards,  midnight  gamblers,  open  and  unblush- 
ing atheists  !  Nay,  assembled  in  a  certain  grog-shop — out  there 
appropriately  called  "  a  doggery" — three  years  after  did  some 
of  the  man-made  converts  form  a  horrible  crew,  that  tied  up 
against  the  wall  one  of  their  party  in  a  mock  crucifixion  ! — and 
setting  fire  to  rum  poured  on  the  floor,  they  called  it — "the 

blazes  of  hell !" 

*  ***** 

But  a  religious  incident  reminds  me  of  my  friend,  William 
Cutswell,  Esq.  And  his  history  adds  to  the  many  instances  of 
self-education  and  self-elevation.  His  career,  it  was  said  by  his 
political  enemies,  began  with  his  being  a  musician  to  a  caravan 
of  travelling  animals ;  but  it  argues  great  intrinsic  genius,  that 
a  man  ever  made  the  attempt  to  rise  from  such  a  life,  and  had 
skill  and  tact  to  use  opportunities,  by  thousands  in  like  circum- 
stances suffered  to  pass  unheeded.  Rise,  however,  Mr.  Cutswell 
did,  till  in  all  that  country  he  stood  intellectually  pre-eminent, 
and  was  justly  celebrated  for  learning,  enterprise,  skill  in  his 
legal  profession,  and,  as  a  political  leader.  Since  then  he  has 
stood  on  elevated  pinnacles,  both  east  and  west ;  and  had  his 
spiritual  man  been  good  as  the  intellectual,  there  would  he  be 
still  standing; — and  perhaps  higher.  Contrary  to  the  old  saws, 
"  virtue  is  its  own  reward,"  and  "  honesty  is  the  best  policy," 
moral  excellency  does  not  always  rteet  with  earthly  rewards ; 
but  yet,  the  retirement  of  some  talented  men  is  occasionally 
owing  to  moral  causes  rather  than  political  ones.  And  hence, 
many  lamented  that  this  gentleman  had  not  been  as  good  as  he 
was  great. 

Mr.  C.  was  a  good  Latin  and  Greek  scholar,  and  well  ac- 
quainted with  antiquities  and  other  subjects  cognate  with  the 


258  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

classics.  He  was  deeply  versed  in  the  books  of  law,  and  exten- 
sively read  in  history,  political  economy,  agriculture, architecture, 
chemistry,  natural  philosophy,  and  metaphysics ;  and  he  was, 
moreover,  an  excellent  orator,  using  in  his  speeches  the  best  lan- 
guage, and  with  the  just  pronunciation. 

JBut,  my  friend  had  two  venial  faults ;  one  in  common  with 
most  politicians  out  (?)  there,  and  one  peculiar  to  himself— 
maybe. 

The  first  of  these  was  selfishness,  and  its  consequence,  moral 
cowardice.  Hence  little  reliance  could  be  placed  in  Mr.  Cuts- 
well  by  his  friends — his  enemies  had  in  this  respect  the  advan- 
tage of  his  friends.  And  hence,  he  had  continual  resort  to  log- 
rolling expedients ;  to  some  of  doubtful  morality ;  and  ta  some 
positively  sinful,  in  order  to  acquire  or  retain  political  ascen- 
dancy. Still,  he  was  the  most  sagacious  man  I  ever  knew  at 
making  political  somersets ;  for  he  turned  50  adroitly  and  so 
noiselessly,  as  to  cheat  the  eyes  of  beholders,  and  make  it  doubt- 
ful often  whether  he  was  on  his  head  or  his  feet ;  indeed,  he  kept 
such  a  continual  whirl  as  to  seem  always  in  the  same  place,  and 
yet  he  was  always  in  a  different  one  !  Or  to  change  figures,  he 
never  turned  with  the  tide,  but  watching  the  symptoms  of  ebbs 
and  flows,  he  turned  a  little  before  the  tide ;  and  thus  he  always 
passed  for  a  meritorious,  patriotic,  people-loving  leader  of  the 
true  and  honest  party — i.  e.,  the  strongest;  instead  of  a  tag-rag 
and  bob-tailed  follower  in  search  of  loaves  and  fishes.  Yea !  he 
so  managed,  that  the  world  usually  said,  "Well,  Cutswell's 
friends  have  deserted  him,  poor  fellow  !" — when  all  the  time 
Mr.  Cutswell,  poor  fellow,  had  deserted  them  ! 

The  other  foible  of  his  was  a  grand  deportment,  put  on  like  a 
cloak,  when  he  entered  elevated  society,  but  laid  aside  in  his 
chambers  or  among  the  canaille.  Doubtless  this  arose  from  a 
mistaken  notion  of  what  constitutes  good  behaviour,  as  he  was 
passing  from  the  grub  to  the  winged  state ;  and,  maybe,  to  con- 
ceal that  he  had  not  always  soared,  but  sometimes  creeped. 
For  instance,  nothing  could  transcend  the  pomp  of  his  manner 
and  dress  on  some  occasions,  when  from  home,  unless  a  New 
Purchase  "  Gobbler"  in  the  gallanting  season ;  and  then  his  style 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  259 

of  taking  snuff  when  in  full  costume  and  under  the  eye  of  mag- 
nates, was  equal  to  a  Lord  Chamberlain's — it  made  you  sneeze 
to  witness  it ! 

First  came  an  attitude — so  grand ! — it  looked  as  if  it  had 
been  studied  on  a  cellar  door  under  the  windows  of  a  print 
shop,  from  an  engraving  of  Cook,  or  Kean,  or  Kemble,  in  royal 
robes  at  the  acme  of  his  sublime !  Oh !  the  magnificence  of 
that  look  !  And  next,  the  polished  box  of  fragrant  sternutatory 
powder — which  he  took  instead  of  snitff — would  be  extracted 
from  the  receptacle  of  an  inner  vest,  a  single  finger  and  thumb 
being  delicately  insinuated  for  that  duty ;  and  the  box  thus 
withdrawn  with  so  bewitching  a  grace  would  then  be  held  a 
moment  or  two  till  my  lord  had  completed  some  elaborate 
period,  or  till  his  deep  interest  in  the  absorbing  nothings  you 
were  uttering  should  seem  suspended  by  your  own  pausing. 
At  that  instant,  his  eye  glancing  in  playful  alternation  from  his 
friend's  face  to  the  box,  he  would  perform  a  scale  of  rapid  taps 
on  the  side  of  the  box  with  the  index  finger  of  the  dexter  hand 
to  wake  up  the  sternutatory  inmate ;  after  which,  modestly  re- 
moving or  opening  the  lid,  he  would,  in  the  manner  of  Sacas, 
the  Persian  cup-bearer,  first  present  the  delicious  aromatic  for 
your  touch,  and  then  with  his  own  finger  and  thumb  a  moment 
suspended  in  a  pouncing  position,  he  would  suddenly  dart  on  to 
the  triturated  essence  and  snatch  hurriedly  thence  the  tiniest 
portion  possible.  Arresting  now  his  hand  half  way  in  its  up- 
ward flight,  the  pinch  downward  yet  at  the  tips  of  the  finger 
and  the  thumb,  he  would  for  the  last  time  look  with  an  inte- 
resting smile  into  his  friend's  face,  and  in  the  midst  of  that  gay 
sunshine,  suddenly  turning  the  pinch  under  his  own  olfactory 
organ,  he  would  inhale  the  perfume  with  the  most  musical  snif- 
fle imaginable !  Retrograde  motions  and  curves  of  becoming 
solemnity,  amplitude  and  grace,  would  close  the  box  and  re- 
store it  to  the  inner  vest — and  so  Mr.  Cutswell  would  have 
snuffed ! 

Impatient  folks  may  think  it  takes  long  to  describe  a  pinch ; 
but,  then,  it  took  still  longer  to  perform  one. 

Mr.  Cutswell,  among  other  matters,  was  no  mean  performer 


260  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

* 

on  the  violin ;  and  on  one  occasion,  at  a  private  concert  at  my 
house,  forgetting  his  usual  caution,  he  entertained  me  with  an 
anecdote  about  his  fiddle  and  his  Bishop.  For  be  it  known, 
that  like  other  politicians,  Mr.  C.  was  a  theoretical  member  of 
a  religious  people,  who  looked  on  fiddle-playing  as  on  the  sin  of 
witchcraft — although  I  do  not  know  whether  he  had  ever  re- 
ceived the  rite  of  confirmation ;  yet  nothing  but  his  high  stand- 
ing saved  him  from  an  excommunication,  that  out  there  would 
speedily  have  been  visited  on  a  poor  player.  Still  his  Bishop 
was  a  faithful  shepherd's  dog,  and  hesitated  not  to  growl  and 
bark,  if  he  did  to  bite ;  being,  also,  one  who  prayed  for  men 
sometimes  by  name,  and  at  them  often  by  description.  And 
so  he  contrived  once  to  pray  at  Mr.  Cutswell's  fiddling,  or 
rather  against  \\isfiddle ;  and  nothing  could  ever  so  belittle  that 
instrument  as  this  preacher's  periphrastic  abuse  of  that  curious 
compound  of  catgut,  rosin,  and  horsehair. 

"  I  was  present,"  said  Mr.  Cutswell,  laying  down  his  fiddle 
and  bow  upon  our  piano,  "  some  few  evenings  since,  after  the 
discharge  of  my  legal  duties  at  the  courthouse — (altitude 
commencing  for  taking  snuff) — present,  Mr.  Carl  ton,  in  the 
prayer-room  of  our  chapel,  a  large  concourse  of  members  being 
congregated  for  the  customary  weekly  devotions.  (Snuff-box 
out.)  Among  others  in  the  apartment,  was  our  venerable 
Bishop.  (Box  tapped  and  opened.)  He  is  a  good  and  worthy 
man,  sir;  but,  sub  rosa,  not  wholly  exempt  from  prejudice. 
Indeed,  as  to  music  generally,  but  more  especially  that  of  the 
violin — (finger  and  thumb  pouncing) — he  entertains  the  most 
erroneous  sentiments — (pinch  going  upwards] — and  I  fear  that 
he  regards  both  myself  and  my  instrument  with  feelings  of 
acerbity.  (Hem! — pinch  inhaled.)  In  the  course  of  his  prayer 
this  evening,  he  contrived  to  administer  to  myself  in  particular 
— (lid  closing) — but  also  to  you,  Mr.  Car] ton  and  all  other 
gentlemen  that  handle  the  bow — (box  "being"  returned) — the 
following  very  severe  and  appropriate  admonition,  and  in  the 
exact  words  I  now  quote  : 

"  '  Oh  ! oh  ! — I  beseech  thee  to  have  mars}^  on  all  them 

there  poor  sinners  what  plays  on  that  instrumint,  whose  sounds 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  261 

is  like  the  dying  screech  of  that  there  animal  out  of  whose  in- 
trils  its  strings  is  made !'  " 

"  Amen  !— at  a  venture  !"     (Pompey  or  Caesar.) 


CHAPTER    XXXVI. 

"Forgive  my  general  and  exceptless  rashness, 

Perpetual  sober  gods!     I  do  proclaim 

One  honest  man — mistake  me  not — but  one." 
"What  find  I  here? 

Fair  Portia's  counterfeit?  what  demi-god 

Hath  come  so  near  creation  ?" 

THIS  chapter  is  devoted  to  a  man — Mr.  Vulcanus  Allheart. 
And,  although  he  will  rap  our  knuckles  for  smiling  at  a  few 
smileable  things  in  him,  Mr.  Allheart  will  not  be  displeased  to 
see  that  Mr.  Carlton,  the  author,  remembers  his  friend,  as  Mr. 
Carl  ton  the  storekeeper  and  tanner,  always  said  he  would,  when 
we  blew  his  bellows  for  him  or  fired  rifles  together. 

During  a  life  somewhat  peculiarly  chequered,  we  have  both 
by  land  and  sea  been  more  or  less  intimate  with  excellent  per- 
sons in  the  learned  professions,  and  in  the  commercial,  agricul- 
tural and  mechanical  classes;  but  never  out  of  the  circle  of 
kinsfolk,  including  the  agnati  and  the  cognati,  have  I  ever  so 
esteemed,  ay,  so  loved  any  one  as  Vulcanus  Allheart.  And 
who  and  what  was  he  7 

He  was  by  birth  a  Virginian,  by  trade  a  blacksmith,  by  na- 
ture a  gentleman,  and  by  grace  a  Christian ;  if  more  need  be 
said,  he  was  a  genius.  Verily,  for  his  sake,  to  this  hour  I  love 
the  sight  and  smell  of  a  blacksmith's  shop ;  and,  many  a  time 
in  passing  one,  do  I  pause  and  steal  a  glance  towards  the  anvil, 
vainly  striving  to  make  some  sooty  hammerer  there  assume  the 
form  and  look  of  my  lame  friend ! — for  he  was  lame  from  a 
wound  in  his  thigh  received  in  early  life.  Oh !  how  more  than 
willing  would  I  stand  once  more  and  blow  his  bellows  to  help 
him  gain  time  for  an  evening's  hunt,  could  I  but  see  anew  that 
honest  charcoal  face  and  that  noble  soul  speaking  from  those 


262  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

eyes,  as  he  rested  a  moment  to  talk  till  his  iron  arrived  at  the 
proper  heat  and  colour ! 

But  let  none  suppose  Vulcanus  Allheart  was  a  common 
blacksmith.  He  was  master  both  of  the  science  and  the  art, 
from  the  nailing  of  a  horse-shoe  up  to  the  making  of  an  axe ; 
and  to  do  either  right,  and  specially  the  latter,  is  a  rare  attain- 
ment. Not  one  in  a  million  could  make  an  axe  as  Allheart 
made  it;  and  hence  in  a  wooden  country,  where  life,  civilization, 
and  Christianity  itself,  are  so  dependent  on  the  axe,  my  black- 
smith was  truly  a  jewel  of  a  man.  His  axes,  even  where  silver 
was  hoarded  as  a  miser's  gold,  brought,  in  real  cash,  one  dollar 
beyond  any  patent  flashy  affairs  from  New  England,  done  up  in 
pine  boxes  and  painted  half  black,  while  their  edge-part  was 
polished  and  shiney  as  a  new  razor — and  like  that  article,  made 
not  to  shave  but  to  sell ;  and  all  this  his  axes  commanded,  spite 
of  the  universal  nation,  all-powerful  and  tricky  as  it  is.  No 
man  in  the  Union  could  'temper  steel  as  my  friend  tempered ; 
and  workmen  from  Birmingham  and  Sheffield,  who  sometimes 
wandered  to  us  from  the  world  beyond  the  ocean,  were  amazed 
to  find  a  man  in  the  Purchase  that  knew  and  practised  their 
own  secrets. 

Necessity  led  him  to  attempt  one  thing  and  another  out  of  his 
line,  till,  to  accommodate  neighbours — and  any  man  was  his 
neighbour — he  made  sickles,  locks  and  keys,  augers,  adzes, 
chisels,  planes,  in  short,  any  thing  for  making  which  are  used 
iron  and  steel.  His  fame  consequently  extended  gradually  over 
the  West  two  hundred  miles  at  least  in  any  direction  ;  for  from 
that  distance  came  people  to  have  well  done  at  Woodville,  what 
otherwise  must  have  been  done,  or  a  sort  of  done,  at  Pittsburg. 
Nay,  liberal  offers  were  made  to  Allheart  to  induce  him  to  re- 
move to  Pittsburg  ;  but  he  loved  us  too  much  to  accept  them ; 
and  beside,  he  was  daily  becoming  richer,  having  made  a  very 
remarkable  discovery,  which,  however,  he  used  to  impart  to 
others  for  a  consideration — viz.,  he  had  found  out  the  curious  art 
of  beating  iron  into  gold.  My  friend  was  indeed  the  great 
"  Lyon"  of  the  West. 

Mr.  Allheart's  skill  was  great  also  in  rifle-making,  and  natu- 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  263 

rally  enough  too  in  rifle-shooting,  By  the  way,  do  you  shoot 
with  both  eyes  open]  If  not,  let  me  commend  the  practice, 
both  from  its  superiority  and  because  it  may  save  you  from 
killing  your  own  wife,  as  it  did  Mr.  Allheart  once. 

He  excelled,  we  have  intimated,  as  a  marksman.  Perhaps  in 
horizontal  shooting  he  could  not  have  a  superior ;  and  his  sight 
had  become  like  that  of  the  lynx  ;  for  at  the  crack  of  the  gun 
he  would  himself  call  out  where  the  ball  had  struck.  Nor  is  all 
this  so  wonderful  if  we  recollect  that  many  years  in  proving 
rifles  he  practised  daily  ;  indeed  target-shooting  was  a  branch 
of  his  business — and  in  it  his  skill  became  rare,  and  even  be- 
witching ! 

His  place  for  making  these  daily  trials  was  at  one  time  a 
large  stump  some  seventy  yards  distant  on  the  far  side  of  a 
hollow,  against  which  stump  was  fixed  his  target ;  and  along 
that  ravine  his  wife,  a  pretty  young  woman,  used  to  pass  and 
repass  to  get  water  from  a  spring  at  the  lower  end.  Her  al- 
most miraculous  escape  in  that  ravine  I  shall  give  in  Mr.  All- 
heart's  own  words,  although  his  idiom  was  slightly  inaccurate 
and  provincial. 

"  You  say,  why  can't  we  shoot  across  the  holler  agin  that  ole 
walnut  stump  yander  ?  I  ain't  pinted  a  rifle  across  thare  for  four 
year — and  never  intend  to  no  more." 

"  Why  so,  Vulcanus  1  I'm  sure  'tis  a  capital  place  for  our 
mark." 

"  Well,  Mr.  Carlton,  I'll  tell  you,  and  then  you  wont  wonder. 
One  day,  about  six  months  after  we  was  furst  married,  I  had  a 
powerful  big  bore  to  fix  for  a  feller  going  out  West ;  and  so  I 
sit  down  just  here — (at  the  shop-door) — to  take  it  with  a  rest 
agin  a  clap-board  standing  before  that  stump,  and  where  I  al- 
ways before  tried  our  guns.  I  sit  down,  as  I  sort  a  suspicioned 
the  hind  sight  mought  be  a  leetle  too  fur  to  the  right,  and  I 
wanted  to  shoot  furst  with  allowance,  and  then  plump  at  the 
centre  without  no  allowance — and  then  to  try  two  shots  after- 
wards off-hand.  Well,  I  got  all  fixed,  and  was  jeest  drawing  a 
fine  bead,  and  had  my  finger  actially  forrard  of  the  front  triggur 
— (and  she  went  powerful  easy) — and  was  a  holdin  my  breath 


264  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

— when  something  darkened  the  sight,  and  my  left  eye  ketch'd 
a  glimpse  of  something  atween  me  and  the  dimind — and  I  sort 
a  raised  up  my  head  so — and  there  was  Molly's  head — (Mrs. 
Allheart's) — with  the  bucket  in  her  hand  a  goin  for  water  !  She 
pass'd,  you  know,  in  a  instant,  almost  afore  I  could  throw  up 
the  muzzle ;  but,  Mr.  Carlton,  if  I  hadn't  a  had  both  eyes  open 
or  no  presence  of  mind,  she'd  a  been  killed  to  a  dead  certainty ! 
I  unsot  the  triggurs  and  went  right  in  ;  and  for  more  nor  two 
hours  my  hand  trembled  so  powerful  I  couldn't  hold  a  hammer 
or  use  a  file.  And  that's  the  reason  I  never  fired  across  to  that 
ole  stump  since,  and  why  I  never  will  agin." 

But  another  reason  for  shooting  with  both  eyes  open  is,  that 
a  curious  experiment  in  optics  cannot  conveniently  be  made 
with  one  eye  closed — an  experiment  taught  me  by  Mr.  All- 
heart.  And  hence  I  would  now  commend  both  our  book  and 
the  experiment  to  all  spectacle-makers  and  spectacle-wearers — 
to  all  ladies  and  ladies'  gentlemen  with  quizzing  glasses — in  fact 
to  all  persons  with  two  or  more  eyes,  and  all  speculative  and 
practical  opticians. 

EXPERIMENT. 

Place  over  the  muzzle  of  your  loaded  rifle  a  piece  of  paste- 
board about  four  inches  square,  and  so  as  entirely  to  prevent  the 
right  eye  while  looking  steadily  on  the  bead  in  the  hind  sight 
from  seeing  the  diamond  mark  in  the  target  placed  twenty  yards 
from  you;  then  keep  the  left  eye  fixed  immoveably  on  the 
diamond,  and  stand  yourself  without  motion  thus  for  a  few 
seconds  ;  and  then  will  the  thick  paper  over  your  muzzle  disap- 
pear, and  you  will  see  or  seem  to  see  the  diamond  mark  with 
your  right  eye  and  mixing  with  the  bead — touch  then  your 
"  forrard"  trigger  and  your  ball  is  in  the  centre  of  the  target. 
A  dead  rest  is  indispensable  for  this  experiment.  N.  B. — If  this 
experiment,  properly  done,  fail,  I  will  give  you- -a  copy  of  this 
work ;  provided,  if  I  myself  can  successfully  perform  it,  you 
will  purchase  two  copies. 

When  it  is  said  Mr.  Allheart  made  rifles,  be  it  understood  as 
certain  rules  of  grammar,  in  the  widest  sense ;  for  his  making 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  265 

was  not  like  a  watchmaker's  a  mere  putting  parts  and  pieces  to- 
gether, but  our  artist  made  first  all  the  separate  parts  and  pieces, 
and  then  combined  them  into  a  gun.  He  made,  and  often  with 
his  own  hand,  the  barrel — the  stock — the  lock — the  bullet 
moulds,  complete ;  the  brass,  gold,  or  silver  mountings,  the 
gravings,  the  everything !  And  each  and  every  part  and  the 
whole  was  so  well  executed,  that  one  would  think  all  the  work- 
men required  to  make  a  pin  had  been  separately  employed 
upon  the  rifle  !  He  even  made  the  steel  gouges  for  stamping 
names  on  his  own  work,  and  also  for  stamping  type-founders' 
matrices ;  he  made,  moreover,  tools  for  boring  musical  instru- 
ments. 

And  this  last  reminds  me  that  Allheart  was  the  most  "  musi- 
cal blacksmith"  I  ever  knew — more  so  probably  than  our 
learned  blacksmiths.  Not  only  could  he  play  the  ordinary  and 
extraordinary  anvil  tunes  with  hammers  of  all  sizes,  making 
"  sparks"  and  points,  too,  of  light  flash  out  much  warmer  and 
far  more  brilliant  than  ever  sprang  from  the  goat-strings  of  the 
Italian  Maestro  under  the  flagellating  horse-hair,  but  Allheart 
played  the  dulcimer,  a  monotone  instrument  shaped  like  an 
^Eolian  harp,  and  done  with  a  plectrum  on  wire  strings ;  and 
could,  beyond  all  doubt,  have  easily  played  a  sackbut,  psaltery 
and  cymbals ! 

He  soon  became  enamoured  of  the  flute  ;  and  on  rny  propos- 
ing to  give  him  lessons,  he  purchased  an  instrument,  and  at- 
tended regularly  at  my  house  one  or  more  evenings  of  every 
week  for  two  years,  till  he  became  as  great  a  proficient  as  his 
master,  and  from  that  to  the  present  time — as  he  lately  wrote 
me — he  has  been  the  conductor  of  the  Woodville  Band.  Per- 
haps my  friend's  musical  enthusiasm  may  be  better  understood 
from  the  following  little  incident.  His  hands  and  fingers  were 
nearly  as  hard  as  cast-iron  ;  but  this,  while  no  small  advantage 
in  fingering  the  iron  strings  of  a  dulcimer,  or  in  playing  on  the 
sonorous  anvil,  was  a  serious  disadvantage  in  flute-playing ;  for 
the  indurated  points  of  his  fingers  stopped  the  holes  like  keys 
with  badly  formed  metallic  plugs,  and  permitted  the  air  to  leak 
out.  On  several  occasions  I  had  admired  secretly  the  fresh  and 
12 


266  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

polished  look  of  his  finger-points  when  he  came  to  take  lessons ; 
till  once  he  accidentally,  and  with  the  most  delightful  naivete, 
unfolded  the  cause,  in  answer  to  the  following  indirect 
query : — 

"  You  are  quite  late  to-night,  Allheart  ?" 

"Yes — rather — but  some  customers  from  Kaintuck  stopped 
me  ;  and  after  that  I  had  to  stay  till  I  filed  down  my  fingers  /" 

My  friend  was,  besides  all  this,  a  painter.  And  verily,  as  to 
the  lettering  of  signs,  the  shading,  the  bronzing,  the  peppering 
and  salting,  and  so  forth,  I  defy  any  first-rate  glazier  any  where 
to  beat  Allheart ;  for  he  yet  does  signs  for  his  neighbours,  and 
more  from  the  goodness  of  his  heart  and  the  love  of  the  arts 
than  for  gain.  To  be  sure,  formerly  he  would  mis-punctuate  a 
little,  placing  commas  for  periods,  and  periods  wrhere  no  dia- 
critical mark  was  needed — although  I  do  believe  he  sometimes, 
like  a  wag  of  a  printer,  only  followed  copy.  One  thing  is  cer- 
tain, he  never  improperly  omitted  a  capital,  though  he  may 
have  put  such  in  where  it  might  have  been  omitted  ;  but  then, 
this  only  rendered  the  name  more  conspicuous,  and  the  sign 
itself  altogether  more  capital. 

Lettering  was  not,  however,  his  sole  forte  ;  he  aspired  to  pic- 
torial devices, such  as  vignettes;  and  at  last  he  ventured  boldly 
upon  portraits,  and  even  full-length  figures.  His  own  portrait 
was  among  the  very  first  he  took,  and  that  by  means  of  a  mir- 
ror ;  but,  whether  from  modesty  or  want  of  skill,  or  want  of 
faithfulness  in  the  glass,  the  likeness  was  not  very  flattering. 
And  yet,  one  thing  done  by  our  New  Purchase  artist  ought — I 
speak  with  becoming  deference — to  be  imitated  by  many  emi- 
nent eastern  portrait-painters. 

"  What  is  that,  sir  ?" 

Well,  I  am  actuated  by  the  best  of  motives,  gentlemen,  as  it 
was  a  peculiarity  in  Mr.  Allheart's  finish,  by  which,  however 
bad  the  mere  painting,  the  likeness  intended  could  always  be 
seen  at  a  glance,  if  you  knew  how  to  look. 
"  What  was  it,  sir  ?  we  are  impatient." 

"  Why,  he  always  painted  on  the  frame  of  the  picture  the 
name  of  the  person  to  whom  the  likeness  or  portrait  belonged. 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  267 

But  the  chef-d'oeuvre  of  Allheart  was  a  full-length  figure  of 
the  American  goddess,  Liberty,  done  for  the  sign  of  the  new 
hotel — the  Woodville  House.  He  was  engaged  at  this  picture 
during  the  intervals  stolen  from  his  smithery,  one  whole  sum- 
mer :  and  many  were  the  wondering  visitors,  from  far  and  near, 
that  favoured  the  artist  with  their  company  and  remarks.  For 
most  matters  here  done  in  private,  were  with  us  there  done  in 
public — this,  of  course,  being  conducive  to  the  perfection  of  the 
fine  arts.  And  hence  it  is  not  surprising  that  Allheart,  profiting 
by  the  endless  remarks  and  suggestions  of  our  democratical 
people,  should  have  embodied  all  the  best  sentiment  of  the  purest 
republicans  in  nature,  and  given  to  the  Purchase  the  very  beau 
ideal  of  American  Liberty. 

I  shall  attempt  no  elaborate  critique,  but  shall  say  enough  to 
help  intelligent  readers  to  a  fair  conception  of  this  piece. 

The  goddess,  like  a  courageous  and  independent  divinity, 
stood,  Juno-fashion,  right  straight  up  and  down  the  canvass,  and 
with  immoveable  and  fearless  eyes  fronted  the  spectator,  and 
looked  exactly  into  his  face  ;  thus  countenancing  persecuted  free 
men,  to  the  confusion  of  all  tyrannical  oppressors !  Her  face, 
in  size  and  feature,  was  a  model  for  wholesome  Dutch  milk- 
maids to  copy  after ;  but  the  cheeks,  instead  of  blushing,  were, 
I  regret  to  say,  only  painted  red,  like  those  of  an  actress  too 
highly  rouged. 

In  the  right  hand  was  a  flag-staff,  less  indeed  than  a  liberty- 
pole  or  Jackson-hickory,  but  considerably  larger  every  way  than 
a  broom-handle ;  and  on  its  top  was  hung,  exactly  in  the  centre, 
a  cap — thus  by  its  perfect  balance  and  equi-distances  of  all  parts 
of  the  rim  from  the  staff,  showing  that  liberty  is  justice,  and  is 
independent  and  impartial.  The  cap  had,  however,  an  ominous 
resemblance  to  one  of  Jack  Ketch's  ;  and  no  doubt  foreign  des- 
pots, ecclesiastical  and  secular,  will  pull  said  article  over  Liber- 
ty's eyes,  if  they  succeed  in  apprehending  and  hanging  her. 

On  the  left  shoulder  squatted  a  magnificent  eagle,  in  all  the 
plenitude  of  stiff  golden  feathers,  and  in  the  act  of  being-a-going 
to  drink  from  a  good-sized  bowl,  held  up  by  the  left  hand  fingers 
of  the  goddess.  What  was  the  mixture  could  not  be  seen — 


268  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

the  bowl  was  so  high — but  most  probably  it  was  a  sleeping- 
potion,  as  the  bird  seemed  settled  for  a  night's  roost.  Nay, 
this  was  the  sentiment  intended — to  mark  a  time  of  profound 
peace,  like  shutting  the  gates  of  Janus :  and  hence  the  eagle 
held  in  his  claws  no  arrowy  thunder  and  lightning,  being  evi- 
dently disposed  to  let  kings  alone  to  take  their  naps,  if  they 
would  let  him  alone  to  take  his.  The  idea  was  equal  in  sub- 
limity to  Pindar's  eagle  snoozing  on  Jupiter's  sceptre,  at  the 
music  of  Orpheus ;  although  my  friend's  bird  was  uncommonly 
big  and  heavy — but  then  his  goddess  was  hale  and  hearty. 

The  drapery  or  dress  was  a  neat,  white  muslin  slip,  then 
fashionable  in  Kentucky,  which  was  the  Paris  whence  we  de- 
rived fashions  ;  and  this  simple  attire,  was  tied  gently  under  the 
celestial  bosom,  which  was  heaved  far  up  towards  the  chin,  as 
if  the  heart  was  swollen  with  one  endless  and  irrepressible 
emotion,  and  threatened  some  day  or  other,  to  sunder  the  tie 
and  burst  right  out,  breast  and  all,  through  the  frail  barrier  of 
the  fiv  ek  !  Yet  doubtless  the  slip  was  high  in  the  back,  and,  a 
la  Kaintuqm,  well  secured  between  the  shoulders,  so  that  if 
things  gave  way  in  the  front,  there  was  still  some  support  from 
behind — but  then  it  looked  dangerous.  The  frock  was,  how 
ever,  undeniably  starched  and  rather  too  short — owing  maybe, 
to  the  upward  heave  of  the  bosom,  as  is  the  case  sometimes 
with  dresses  from  ill-made  or  too  much  tournure  and  bustle — 
for  the  article  .stood  forth,  not  from  the  canvass,  but  from  the 
person,  and  all  smoth  and  unwrinkled  as  if  just  from  under  the 
hot  smoothing-iron !  And,  alas  !  its  great  brevity — and  the 
figure  up  so  high  too — revealed  the  sturdy  ankles  away  up  till 
they  began  to  turn  into  limbs ! 

The  feet,  unlike  Liberty's  martyrs  in  the  Revolution,  and  to 
indicate  our  advance  in  comfort  and  security,  and  perhaps  in 
compliment  to  a  ladies'  shoemaker  just  established  next  the 
Woodville  House,  were  covered  with  a  pair  of  red  morocco 
slippers  ;  while  on  the  ankles  and  upwards  were  draivn  nice 
white  stockings — so  that  there  was  no  denudity  of  limb,  as  a 
lady -reader  may  have  feared,  and  the  fashionable  frock  was  not 
so  bad  after  all.  Some  error,  perhaps,  in  foreshortening  had 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  -      269 

happened  as  to  the  position  of  the  feet,  or  rather  the  red  mo- 
roccos ;  for,  while  the  artist  designed  to  represent  the  right  foot 
as  stepping  from  the  other,  and  the  left,  as  pointing  the  shoe-toe 
at  the  spectator  immediately  in  front,  yet  the  right  shoe  was 
fixed  horizontally  with  its  heel  at  a  right  angle  with  the  other, 
and  that  other  the  left,  hung  perpendicularly  down  as  if  broken 
at  the  instep — a  marvellous  likeness  to  the  two  slippers  on  the 
shoemaker's  own  sign,  one  there  with  its  sole  slap  against  the 
board,  and  the  other  up  and  down  as  if  hung  upon  a  peg. 

And  oh !  how  I  do  wish  I  had  not  been  born  before  the  era 
of  composition  books ! — or  only  now  could  take  a  few  lessons 
with  the  author  of  one ! — so  as  to  write  with  all  the  modern 
improvements,  like  the  talented  family  of  the  Tailmaquers  in 
the  leading  magazines  and  other  picture-books  for  grown  up 
children ! — I  should  so  like  to  describe  the  putting  up  of  our 
new  tavern-post,  and  the  first  hanging  of  the  goddess  of  Lib- 
erty !  But  that's  not  for  the  like  of  me — I'm  no  orator  as 
Brutus.  How  can  I  paint  the  open-mouthed  wonder  of  that 
crowd  !  How  make  you  see  the  huiichings  ! — the  winks  ! — the 
nods  ! — the  pointings  ! — or  hear  the  exclamations  ! — the  que- 
ries ! — the  allowings  ! — the  powerfuls  ! — the  uproar  1  And 
when  lawyer  Cutswell,  candidate  for  Congress,  mounted  the 
"  hoss  block"  at  the  post,  and  ended  his  half-hour's  speech — 
oh  !  I  never  ! 

^EXTRACT. 

" Beautiful,  indeed,  fellow-citizens,  vibrates 

above  us  in  the  free  air  and  sunshine  of  heaven,  that  picture  ! 
but  more  beautiful  even  is  our  own  dear,  blood-bought  liberty ! 
Long !  long  may  her  sign  dance  and  rejoice  there — (pointing 
up) — long,  long  may  her  image  repose  here — (slapping  the 
chest  and  rather  low) — and  long,  long,  long  live  our  enterprising 
townsman  and  fellow-citizen,  who,  untaught,  has  yet  so  ably 
embodied  all  that  is  substantial  and  solid,  and  upright  and  un- 
flinching and  stable  in  abstract,  glorious,  lovely  liberty — our 
townsman,  Allheart !" 


270  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 


CHAPTER   XXXVII. 

"  His  tears  run  down  his  beard,  like  winter's  drops 
From  eaves  of  reeds." 

EARLY  this  autumn,  Aunt  Kitty  having  after  considerable 
anfixings  got  us  fixed,  returned  to  Glenville,  whither  we  all  at 
the  same  time  paid  a  flying  visit.  At  our  arrival,  we  found 
true  the  report  that  John  was  defeated  in  his  views  on  the  clerk- 
ship by  a  majority  against  him  of  eleven ;  and  that  our  ex-legis- 
lator had  now  leisure  to  collect  the  debts  due  Glenville  &  Co. — 
debts  increased  by  two  political  campaigns  into  "  a  puttee 
powerful  smart  little  heap." 

This  business  would  have  been  altogether  easy  and  pleasant, 
but  for  two  small  obstacles;  most  of  our  debtors  who  were 
very  willing  indeed  to  pay,  had  no  visible  property ;  and  the 
rest  were  even  invisible  themselves!  For,  pleased ^ with  the 
credit  system  in  the  Purchase,  they  had  gone  to  try  it  else- 
where, and  had  become  suddenly  so  unmindful  of  "  the  power- 
fullest  smartest  man  and  cleverest  feller  in  the  county,"  as  to 
go  away  without  one  tender  adieu !  The  fact  is,  our  dear  old 
friends  had  absquatulated,  and  gone  away  off  somewhere  to  give 
other  candidates  a  sort  of  a  lift. 

But  important  changes  almost  destructive  of  Glenville  Set- 
tlement, were  now  on  the  eve  of  accomplishment.  Mr.  Hils- 
bury  had,  his  health  being  ruined,  resigned  his  bishopric  with 
all  its  emoluments,  and  was  about  returning  to  the  far  east ; 
and  Uncle,  Tommy  from  an  irrepressible  spirit  of  wandering, 
was  just  starting  to  go  and  build  a  cabin  on  Lake  Michigan. 
And  so,  we  had  come  in  time  to  bid  farewell ! 

How  melancholy  the  houses  already  seemed,  so  soon  to  be 
tenantless,  and  then  so  soon  to  moulder  and  fall  into  ruins — a 
deserted  cabin  quickly  changing,  like  a  body  left  by  the  vital 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  271 

spark  !  Ah  !  how  dreary  the  forest  would  be  without  friends  ! 
I  had  no  spirits  to  hunt ;  although  I  wandered  away  and  sat 
down  on  the  bank  of  the  creek  opposite  the  little  islet  where  the 
deer  lay  down  to  die — but  without  my  rifle — it  was  to  weep ! 
Reader  !  if  you  have  a  soul  you  will  not  laugh  at  me — and  if 
you  have  none,  then  laugh  away,  poor  creature,  why  should  you 
not  enjoy  yourself  your  own  way] — but  dear  reader  with  a 
soul,  I  after  that  went  and  sat  down  in  the  old  bark-mill.  And 
there  I  recalled  the  morning  we  stumbled  down  the  opposite 
cliff  into  Uncle  John's  open  arms — I  saw  the  very  spot  where 
the  mother  had  clasped  the  daughter  to  her  bosom,  and  "  lifted 
up  her  voice  and  wept" — and  the  sad  spot  too  where  that  mother 
now  rested  in  the  lonely  grave  !  I  remembered  the  fresh  re- 
vival of  early  dreams  and  visions  realized  in  the  novelty  of  a 
wild  forest  life  ! — ay  !  I  recalled  the  oddity  of  my  labours — 
and  even  that  poor  mute,  but  not  wholly  irrational  companion ! 
— and  when  I  felt  in  my  soul  that  changes  had  come  and  were 
yet  coming,  and  that  I  never,  no,  never,  could  be  in  these  woods 
as  I  had  been — I  even  wept  there,  too,  reader ! — not  loud  in- 
deed, but  bitterly ! 

******* 

During  the  past  summer  Uncle  John  had  been  appointed  a 
lay  delegate  from  the  Welden  Diocese  to  attend  an  ecclesiasti- 
cal convention  about  to  meet  early  this  fall  at  Vincennes ;  and 
he  now,  before  our  return  to  Woodville,  obtained  my  promise 
to  accompany  him.  Accordingly,  a  few  days  after  our  return, 
he,  and  with  him  Bishop  Shrub,  called  on  me,  and  we  three  set 
out  for  the  Convention,  or  as  all  such  gatherings  are  there  called 
— the  Big  Meeting. 

The  weather  was  luxurious,  and  the  ride  across  the  small 
prairies  was  to  me,  who  now  for  the  first  time  saw  these  natu- 
ral meadows,  indescribably  bewitching ;  indeed,  this  first  glimpse 
of  the  prairie  world  was  like  beholding  an  enchanted  country ! 
The  enchanted  land  in  that  most  transcendantly  enchanting 
book,  the  Pilgrim's  Progress,  came  so  naturally  to  one's  mind, 
that  surely  Bunyan  must  have  imagined  a  world  like  this  mea- 
dowy land  of  wild  and  fragrant  scents  wafted  by  balmy  airs 


272  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

from  countless  myriads  of  blossoms  and  flowers  !  Nothing  is 
like  the  mellow  light,  as  the  sun  sinks  down  far  away  behind 
the  cloudless  line  of  blended  earth  and  sky — as  if  there  one 
could,  at  a  step,  pass  from  the  plane  of  this  lower  world  through 
the  hazy  concave  into  the  world  of  the  ransomed  !  The  bosoms 
of  these  grassy  lakes  undulate  at  the  slightest  breeze,  and  are 
sprinkled  with  picturesque  islets  of  timber,  on  which  the  trees 
are  fancifully  and  regularly  disposed,  suggesting  an  arrange- 
ment by  the  taste  of  an  unrecorded  people  of  bygone  centuries 
for  pleasure  and  religion.  The  whole  brought  back  delusive 
dreams — we  felt  the  strange  and  half  celestial  thrill  of  a  fairy 
scene ! 

But  pass  we  to  a  more  earthly  one.  Eight  miles  from  Vin- 
cennes  we  stopped  at  a  friend's  house  to  shave  and  preach  ;  for 
among  western  folks  a  bishop  is  supposed  to  be  made  for 
preaching  and  we  use  him  accordingly — and  not  infrequently 
we  use  him  entirely  up.  The  preaching  was  in  due  season 
easily  performed,  but  the  shaving,  ah  !  there's  the — scrape  ! 
Bishop  Shrub  was  fortunately  shaved  close  enough  to  last  to 
Vincennes ;  not  so  Uncle  John  and  myself.  And  when  the  old 
gentleman  examined  his  saddle-bags,  alas  \  alas !  by  an  unac- 
countable negligence  our  razors  and  concomitants  had  been  left 
at  Woodville !  But  this  forgetfulness  was  promptly  supplied, 
I  may  add  and  punished  also,  by  our  host ;  for  he  offered  his 
own  razor — a  curious  cutting  tool  in  a  wooden  handle,  nearly  as 
large  and  quite  as  rough  as  a  corn-cob  !  The  bone  handle,  or 
make-believe-turtle  one,  had,  in  the  course  of  ages,  been  worn 
away  by  the  handling  of  grandsires  and  grandsons ;  and  so  had 
the  edge  itself  by  the  ferocious  stubble  on  the  chins  of  woods- 
men !  Or  perhaps  it  had  been  tritered  away  on  a  grindstone — 
the  thing  so  much  resembled  a  farmer's  knife  done  up  for  hog- 
killing  ! 

Nc^v  Uncle  John's  countenance  (?)  was  tender  as  a  lamb's. 
Hence  his  razors  were  always  in  prime  order  ;  and  when  he  and 
I  shaved  with  his  articles  in  company,  he  always  insisted  on  the 
— first  shave.  But  to-day,  the  excellent  old  gentleman  most 
condescendingly  gave  me  the  precedence,  internally  resolving  to 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  273 

watch  my  performance  and  success,  and  then  to  shave  or  not 
accordingly.  Well,  duly  appreciating  this  unusual  condescen- 
sion, and  thinking  it  a  pity  Uncle  John  should  enter  Vincennes 
with  such  a  crop  as  his  chin  now  held,  we  also  secretly  purposed 
— viz.,  to  go  through  the  whole  affair  without  one  audible  or 
visible  sign  of  torture  !  For  certain  was  it,  that  if  Mr.  Carlton, 
whose  face  was  just  as  lamb-like  as  Mr.  Seymour's,  shaved 
without  wincing,  certain  was  it,  Uncle  John,  long  before  our 
complete  abrasion,  would  be  so  in  the  suds  that,  for  consistency's 
sake,  he  must  go  through  the  whole  scrape  before  he  would  get 
out  of  it. 

Hence  I  strapped  the  oyster-knife,  first  on  the  instep  of  my 
boot,  making  there,  however,  an  ominous  scratch  or  two ;  then 
on  the  cover  of  a  leaven-bit  Testament  done  up  in  freckled 
leather ;  and  finally,  although  very  lightly,  on  the  palm  of  the 
hand  secundum  artem :  after  which  I  made  a  feint  at  a  hair,  and 
then  laid  down  the  tormentor  with  so  complacent  compression 
of  my  lips  as  to  say,  that  notwithstanding  looks,  the  razor  after 
all  was  "jeest"  the  very  dandy  f  Next,  with  a  small  bundle  of 
swine's  bristles  tied  in  the  middle  with  a  waxed  thread,  I  applied, 
out  of  a  broken  blue  tea-cup,  as  much  brown  soap  lather  to  my 
face  as  would  stick ;  and  then  with  a  genuine  far-east  barber's 
flourish,  toilched  the  vile  old  briar-hook  to  my  cheek,  boldly 
and — lightly  as  possible. 

Reader !  I  did  not  swear  in  those  days,  but  I  could  not  avoid 
saying  mentally — "O-o-oh!  go-o-od  !  gramine!!" — and  thinking 
of  Job  and  the  barrel  of  ale.  Some  profane  wretches  would  have 
cursed  right  out  as  horribly  as  Pope  Pius  or  Innocent,  the  vicc- 
god,  damning  and  blackguarding  a  Calvinistic  heretic;  and  for 
which  malignancy  the  said  Pope  deserves  to  be  scraped  over 
his  whole  divine  carcass  twice  a-day  with  the  above  razor,  and 
without  the  alleviation  of  the  brown  soap.  Happily  for  the 
success  of  my  benevolent  stratagem  I  kept  in ;  for  at  the  mo- 
ment I  caught  a  glimpse  of  Uncle  John's  face  peeping  over  my 
shoulder  into  the  tiny  bit  of  looking-glass,  and  with  his  specta- 
cles on !  But  if  he  did  detect  the  involuntary  tear  in  my  eye, 
and  take  the  alarm,  he  became  instantly  calm  again  by  seeing 
12* 


274  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

the  smile  on  my  lip !  Blood  he  discerned  not ;  the  tool  was 
guiltless  of  all  cutting,  and  brought  away  no  beard  save  what  it 
pulled  out  by  the  roots.  Hence  Uncle  John  was  most  essen- 
tially bamboozled;  and  long  before  my  beard  was  all  plucked 
up,  he  had  laid  aside  his  coat  and  cravat,  and  according  to  cus- 
tom, and  to  soften  his  beard,  he  was  lathering  away  with  the 
hog-bristles  and  brown  soap. 

Had  the  old  gentleman  taken  a  peep  now,  he  must  have 
smelled  the  rat ;  for,  spite  of  pain  and  tears,  my  laugh  was  too 
broad  for  mere  delectability  from  a  good  shave — there  was 
mischief  and,  I  fear,  some  hypocrisy  in  the  scarcely  suppressed 
chuckle.  However,  being  done,  or  scraped,  I  pat  down  the 
eradicator  with  the  air  of  one  willing  to  shave  all  day  with  such 
a  razor;  upon  which  Uncle  John  advanced  and  took  up  the 
thing,  manifesting,  indeed,  a  little  suspicion  on  glancing  at  its 
edge,  and  yet  with  very  commendable  confidence  too ;  and 
then  after  the  usual  strappings  and  flourishings,  he  seized  his 
nose  with  the  left  hand,  and  with  the  right  laid  the  scraper  side- 
wavs  on  a  cheek,  and  essayed  a  rapid  and  oblique  sweep  towards 
his  ear. 

Ah !  me ! — if  I  live  a  thousand  more  years,  I  shall  ever  be 
haunted  by  the  dear  old  gentleman's  look !  Such  a  compound 
of  surprise,  and  vexation,  and  pain,  and  fun,  and  humour  !  Such 
a  "Carl ton — you — rascal — you! — if  I  don't — never  mind!"  ex- 
pression as  met  my  view  while  I  peeped  over  his  shoulder  into 
the  fragment  of  glass  against  the  wall !  And  then  as  he  espied 
me  therein  grinning,  when  he  turned,  and  with  eyes  swimming 
in  tears,  uttered  in  a  whisper,  and  between  a  cry  and  a  laugh, 
his  favourite  expression  of  benevolence  and  amazement — "  Oh  ! 
— cry  ! — out !" 

O !  yes !  if  one  could  have  cried  out,  or  even  laughed  out ! 
But  there  was  our  host  and  all  his  family ;  and  the  father  kept 
on  at  very  judicious  intervals  with  praise  of  that  razor,  thus : — 
"  Powerful  razor  that,  Mr.  Carl  ton !  Grandaddy  used  to  say 
he'd  shaved  with  it  when  he  was  young,  Mr.  Seymour !  and  his 
face  was  near  on  about  as  saft  as  yourn  I  allow.  However,  it's 
getting  oldish  now,  and  don't  cut  near  as  sharpish  as  it  once  did 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  275 

— allow  it  wants  grinding:  still  I  wouldn't  give  it  for  are 
another  two  I  ever  seen." 

Could  one  dare  venture  to  complain  about  such  a  razor"? 
against  which  no  dog  had  even  wagged  a  tongue  or  a  tail  for  a 
hundred  years !  So  we  cried  in  and  laughed  in  then — but  when 
we  got  out  of  sight  and  hearing  in  the  prairie !  Nobody,  I  fear, 
would  have  conjectured  we  were  going  to  the  big  meeting. 
Poor  dear,  old  Uncle  John !  I  am  laughing  even  now  at  thy  be- 
loved face  in  that  most  furious  lather  of  brown  soap !  and  with 
that  grand  swathe  cut  through  towards  thy  ear  by  that  venerable 
briar-hook ! — ay !  and  at  that  concentration  of  kindness,  surprise, 
and  joke-taking  embodied  in — "  Oh !  cry  out ! " 

"  But,  la !  me  !  Mr.  Carlton,  where's  the  moral  of  this  story?" 

My  dear  madam,  some  stories  have  no  moral ;  but  the  de- 
sign is  to  warn  you  never  to  travel  in  new  settlements,  if  your 
face  is  tender,  without  your  own  shaving  apparatus. 

"  For  shame ! — ladies  never  shave." 

Oh !  my ! — the  sentence  is  carelessly  constructed ;  but  none 
can  say  where  beards  may  not  grow  next.  Certainly  they  are 
now  found,  if  not  on  girls'  chins,  yet  on  very  girlish  faces.  And 
agriculture  of  all  kinds  is  now  better  understood,  and  the  most 
unpromising  soils  produce  the  most  astonishing  crops;  and 
besides,  we  are  evidently  in  the  Hairy  Age,  and  tobacco  is 
puffed  and  spurted  from  hairy  lips  like  black  mud  from  a  quag- 
mire 

"  Sir  !  this  is  offensive !" 

Very ;  therefore  let  us  quit  it 


276  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 


CHAPTER    XXXVIII. 

"  When  holy  and  devout  religious  men 
Are  at  their  beads,  tis  hard  to  draw  them  thence." 

"  Love  and  meekness,  lord, 
Become  a  churchman  better  than  ambition." 

ON  reaching  Vincennes,  our  party,  as  others,  were  quartered 
upon  the  citizens  ;  and  such  kindness  as  belongs  pre-eminently 
to  the  West  and  South,  was  bestowed  upon  us  during  the  week 
of  the  convocation. 

Vincennes  has  been  the  scene  of  many  meetings,  civil,  politi- 
cal, ecclesiastical,  and  military ;  to  say  nothing  about  Frenchi- 
fied Indian  councils  and  Indianised  French  dances,  and  other  odd 
things  produced  by  this  amalgamation  of  the  red  and  white 
savages.  But  now  it  was  the  theatre  of  two  remarkable  ex- 
hibitions— the  gathering  of  a  Protestant  council,  and  the  erec- 
tion of  a  Papistical  cathedral ! — strange  meeting  of  light  and 
darkness.  And  both  professed  to  be  for  the  propagation  of  the 
religion  of  Jesus  Christ. 

Now,  whether  the  simple  shining  of  truth  in  the  reading  and 
preaching  of  a  vernacular  Bible,  and  in  the  good  lives  and  ex- 
amples of  puritanic  Christians,  and  without  aid  from  the  civil 
arm,  and  without  a  base  indulgence  of  men's  evil  passions  and 
propensities,  shall  be  more  potent  than  a  tradition,  dark,  bewil- 
dering, and  uncertain,  delivered  by  doctors  and  professors  of  the 
faggot  and  the  thumb-screw,  admits  a  question  ;  but,  judging 
from  the  success  that  has  always  attended  the  affectionate  em- 
braces of  the  old  woman  with  the  scarlet  mantle,  and  especially 
when  seated  amid  "  the  wirnples  and  crisping-pins,"  the  roasters, 
and  boilers,  and  toasters  of  the  Inquisition, — from  the  efficacy 
of  sweet  doses  and  sugared  cups,  and  intoxicating  bowls  of  in- 
dulgences granted  to  the  saints  and  holy  ones,  it  is  more  than 
likely  that  the  great  crowd  of  such  as  "  love  darkness"  and  "  the 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  277 

wages  of  unrighteousness,"  and  "  prefer  the  pleasures  of  sin  for 
a  season,"  will — and  are  not  such  the  OL  IIoA/lot — will  become 
militant,  and  on  earth  triumphant  members  of  the  Holy  (?) 
Catholic  (T?)  Church  (???) 

In  vain,  while  looking  at  the  sacred  walls  of  the  cathedral, 
rising  brick  by  brick,  did  I  severely  chide  my  antagonist  feel- 
ings as  heretical  pravity ;  in  vain  recall  the  oft-repeated  remark, 
that  we  were  in  the  nineteenth  century,  the  age  of  courtesy, 
and  charity,  and  light,  and  wisdom,  and  oh !  of  ever  so  many 
first  chop  good  things  beside ;  in  vain  remember  that  human 
nature  had  been  gradually  refining  ever  since  the  days  of  Judas 
Iscariot,  till  it  was  now  ten  per  cent,  per  annum  better,  and 
more  spiritual  and  heavenly-minded  ;  yea,  poor  sinner  that  I 
was,  in  vain  I  said  this  is  the  march  of  mind,  and  that  I  was, 
poor  sneaking  doubter,  in  danger  of  falling  into  the  rear  of  my 
age  !  Nothing  would  do — but  my  historic  readings  kept  in- 
truding in  the  most  impertinent  and  unbecoming  mariner  ;  and 
I  was  abominably  harassed  with  the  fables  of  the  Vaudois — and 
Huguenots — and  Jerome — and  Huss — and  St.  Bartholomew's, 
and  Irish,  and  other  massacres,  and  all  such  ridiculous  things ! 
Nay,  I  was  plunged  most  unreasonably  into  nasty  dungeons, 
and  saw  racks,  and  halters,  and  augers — and,  silly  creature,  I 
imagined  an  auto  da  fe  I  and  heard  shouts  and  groans  !  and 
smelled  incense,  faggots  and  gunpowder !  and  even  Te  Deums 
for  the  death  of  ungodly  heretics  wickedly  killed  by  the  state, 
contrary  to  the  entreaties  of  the  Holy  Church !  Alas  !  repro- 
bate that  I  was,  for  reading  books  prescribed  by  that  Church  ! — 
and  all  those  books  got  up  by  folks  worthy  of  no  credit — ene- 
mies of  the  Church  and  of  the  Pope, — and  who  would  wickedly 
tell  when  they  were  tortured,  and  refused  to  be  damned  for 
ever  by  escaping  from  prison,  gibbets  and  stakes  ! 

And  then  1  said,  oh!  you  unreasonable  man,  has  not  the  Holy 
Catholic  Church  long  since  given  up  her  bloody  persecuting 
principles,  and  resolved  never  to  do  so  again,  if  we  will  only 
take  on  her  yoke — until  she  gets  the  power  1  Alas  !  I  thought 
of  political  mottoes  used  as  ornaments  to  secular  newspapers, 
such  as  "  Power  steals  from  the  many  to  the  few ;"  and  of  that 


278  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

narrow,  bigotted,  puritanical  sentiment,  "  The  heart  is  deceitful 
above  all  things,  and  desperately  wicked ;"  and  so  I  turned  to 
contemplate 

THE  PROTESTANT  CONVOCATION. 

And  I  could  not  but  feel  grateful  to  the  rightful  Head  of  the 
spiritual  Church,  that  here  was  a  little  band,  hated  of  Rome 
and  Oxford.  For,  with  the.  men  of  this  conference  the  true 
light  had  travelled  thus  far  westward,  and  we  hoped  it  might 
shine  out  far  and  wide  over  the  noble  plains,  and  dispel  the 
gloom  of  the  grand  forests — since  the -march  of  the  mind  is  only 
an  evil  without  the  march  of  the  Bible. 

This  Protestant  assembly  was  a  gathering  of  delegates  prin- 
cipally from  the  land  of  Hoosiers  and  Suckers ;  but  with  a 
smart  sprinkling  of  Corn-crackers,  and  a  small  chance  of  Pukes 
from  beyond  the  father  of  floods,  and  even  one  or  two  from  the 
Buckeye  country.  These  were  not  all  eminent  for  learning,  and 
polish,  and  dress,  wearing  neither  doane  gowns  nor  cocked 
hats  ;  although  some  there  were  worthy  seats  in  the  most  au- 
gust assemblies  any  where,  and  however  distinguished  for  wit, 
learning,  and  goodness.  Most  of  these  Protestants,  indeed, 
carried  to  excess  a  somewhat  false  and  dangerous  maxim  :  "bet- 
ter wear  out  than  rust  out," — since  it  is  better  to  do  neither. 
And  worn,  truly,  were  they,  both  in  apparel  and  body,  as  they 
entered  the  town  on  jaded  horses,  after  many  days  of  hard  and 
dangerous  travelling  away  from  their  cabin-homes,  left  far  be- 
hind in  dim  woods  beyond  rivers,  hills  and  prairies. 

And  what  came  they  together  for1?  Mainly,  I  believe,  to 
preach,  to  pray,  to  tell  about  their  successes,  and  disappointments 
and  encouragements — their  hopes,  and  fears,  and  sorrows — to 
rectify  past  errors,  and  form  better  plans  of  doing  good  for  the 
future — to  see,  and  encourage,  and  strengthen  one  another. 
Business,  in  the  semi-politico-ecclesiastical  sense,  they  did  little — 
for  of  that  was  but  little  to  do.  And  there  were  few  causes  of  heart- 
burning and  jealousy.  No  richly  endowed  professorships,  no  a 
Id  mode  congregations  were  found  in  all  their  vast  extent  of  dio- 
cesses — no  world's  treasures  or  places  to  tempt,  to  divide,  to  sour ! 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  279 

Truly  it  was  a  House  of  Bishops,  if  not  of  Lords  :  if  by  a 
bishop  is  meant  one  that  has  the  care  of  many  congregations, 
an  enormous  parish,  abundant  religious  labours,  and  a  salary  of 
one  or  two  hundred  dollars  above  nothing.  In  the  midst  of  so 
fraternal  and  cheerful  a  band  of  misters  and  brothers,  I  was  con- 
stantly reminded  of  an  old  saying ;  "  Behold  !  how  these  Chris- 
tians love  one  another  !"  What  could  exceed  their  cordial  and 
reciprocal  greetings  at  each  arrival  ?  What  their  courtesy  in 
debate  ?•  What  the  deep  interest  in  each  other's  welfare  1 — the 
lively  emotions  excited  by  their  religious  narratives  and  anec- 
dotes ]  And  then  their  tender  farewells  !  To  many  the  sepa- 
ration was  final  as  to  this  life — but  why  should  that  make  us 
sad  1  They  who  find  heaven  begun  on  earth,  meet  beyond  the 
grave,  and  there  find  heaven  consummated  ! 

Brother  Shrub  and  myself  were  entertained,  during  the  con- 
vention week,  at  the  house  of  a  medical  gentleman,  eminent  in 
his  profession,  but  addicted,  it  was  said,  to  profanity  in  ordinary 
conversation.  Without  a  premonition,  no  suspicion  of  so  blame- 
worthy a  practice  could  have  arisen  in  our  minds ;  for  no  real 
Christian  ever  showed  guests  greater  courtesy,  or  seemed  so  far 
from  profaneness  than  our  gentlemanly  host.  He  did  not  even 
annoy  us  wijth  lady-like  mincings,  putting  forth  the  buddings  of 
profanity  in  "  la !  me ! — good  gracious  !"  and  the  like. 

But  on  Sabbath  night,  our  conversation  taking  a  religious 
turn,  the  subject  of  profane  swearing  was  incidentally  named, 
when  I  could  not  resist  the  temptation  of  drawing  a  bow  at  a 
venture ;  and  so  I  said  : 

"  Doctor,  we  leave  you  to-morrow ;  and  be  assured  we  are 
very  grateful  to  Mrs.  D.  and  yourself;  but  may  I  say,  dear  sir, 
we  have  been  disappointed  here  ?" 

"  Disappointed  1" 

"  Yes,  sir,  but  most  agreeably " 

"  In  what,  Mr.  Carlton  ]" 

"  Will  you  pardon  me,  if  I  say  we  were  misinformed,  and 
may  I  name  it1?" 

"  Certainly,  sir,  say  what  you  wish." 

"  Well,  my  dear  sir,  we  were  told  that  Doctor  D.  was  not 


280  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

guarded  in  his  language — but  surely  you  are  misrepresented 


u  Sir,"  interrupted  he,  "  I  do  honour  you  for  candour  ;  yet,  sir, 
I  regret  to  say,  you  have  not  been  misinformed.  I  do,  and, 
perhaps  habitually,  use  profane  language ;  but,  sir,  can  you 
think  I  would  swear  before  religious  people,  and  one  of  them  a 
clergyman  ?" 

Tears  stood  in  my  eyes — the  frank-heartedness  of  a  gentle- 
man always  starts  them — as  I  took  his  hand,  and  replied  : 

"  My  dear  sir,  you  amaze  us  !  Can  it  be  that  Doctor  D.,  so 
courteous  and  so  intelligent  a  man,  has  greater  reverence  for  us 
than  for  the  venerable  God!" 

"  Gentlemen,"  replied  the  Doctor,  and  with  a  tremulous 
voice,  "  I  never  did  before  see  the  utter"  folly  of  profane  swear- 
ing. I  will  abandon  it  for  ever." 

Reader,  are  you  profane  ?  Imitate  the  manly  recantation  of 
my  estimable  friend,  Doctor  D. 

"  To  SWEAE — is  neither  brave,  polite,  nor  wise : 
You  would  not  awear'upon  the  bed  of  death — 
Reflect — your  Maker  now  could  stop  your  breath  1" 

During  the  week,  in  company  with  some  clergymen,  we 
visited  the  grave  of  a  young  man,  who,  unavoidably  exposed  to 
a  fatal  illness  in  discharging  his  missionary  duties,  had  died  at 
Vincennes  in  early  manhood,  and  far  away  from  his  widow- 
mother's  home.  Deep  solemnity  was  in  the  little  company  of 
his  classmates  as  they  stood  gazing  where  rested  the  remains  of 
the  youthful  hero !  Dear  young  man,  his  warfare  was  soon 
ended — arid  there  he  lay  among  the  silent  ones  in  the  scented 
meadow-land  of  the  far  west !  He  heard  not  the  voice  of  the 
wind,  whether  it  breathed  rich  with  the  fragrance  of  wild  sweets, 
or  roared  around  in  the  awful  tones  of  the  hurricane,  sweeping 
over  the  vastness  of  the  measureless  plains  !  Nor  heard  he  the 
sighs  of  his  comrades — nor  saw  their  sudden  tears  wiped  away 
with  the  stealthy  motion  of  a  rapid  hand  ! 

To  him  that  visit  was  vain  ;  not  so  to  us,  for  we  departed,  re- 
solved ourselves  to  be  ready  for  an  early  death.  And  since 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  281 

then  several  of  that  little  company  of  mourners  in  a  strange 
land  have  themselves,  and  before  the  meridian  of  life,  gone 
down  to  the  sides  of  the  pit ! 

Are  you  ready,  my  reader  ? 

Time  is  a  price  to  buy  eternity ! 


CHAPTER    XXXIX. 

"  Tree !  why  hast  thou  doffed  thy  mantle  of  green 
For  the  gorgeous  garb  of  an  Indian  queen  ? 
With  the  umbered  brown  and  the  crimson  stain 
And  the  yellow  fringe  on  its  'broidered  train  ? 
And  the  autumn  gale  through  its  branches  sighed 
Of  a  long  arrear,  for  the  transient  pride." — SIGOUENEY. 

UNCLE  John  and  I,  being  now  very  near  Illinois,  where  re- 
sided a  distant  relative  of  ours,  determined  to  pay  him  a  visit. 

Our  way  led  through  successive  and  beautiful  little  prairies, 
separated  by  rich  bottom  lands  of  heavy  timber  and  other  in- 
terposing woody  districts — the  trees  being  all  magnificently 
glorious  in  the  autumnal  colours  of  their  dense  foliage.  No 
artificial  dyes  rival  the  scarlet,  the  crimson,  the  orange,  the 
brown,  of  the  sylvan  dresses — giant  robes  and  scarfs,  hung  with 
indescribable  grandeur  and  grace,  over  the  rough  arms  and  rude 
trunks  of  the  forest ! 

And  voices  enough  of  bird,  and  beast,  and  insect,  and  reptile, 
rose  at  our  approach  from  the  bosom  of  the  wavy  grass,  to 
break  the  solitude  of  the  treeless  plains  ;  but,  on  entering  a  dis- 
trict of  wood,  the  uproar  of  tones,  voices,  shrieks,  hisses,  bark- 
ings, and  a  hundred  other  nameless  cries,  was  deafening !  It 
was  bewildering  !  How  like  the  enchanted  hills  and  groves  of 
the  Arabian  Tales !  Indeed,  had  a  penalty  awaited  our  looking 
around,  we  should  have  become  stone,  or  stump,  or  paroquet,  or 
squirrel,  a  thousand  times  over  and  over,  much  to  our  surprise 
and  mortification  !  The  bewildering  tumult  assailing  him,  on 
entering  the  solemn  dark  of  primitive  oriental  forests,  must 
have  suggested  to  the  Magician  of  the  Thousand  and  One 


282  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

Nights,  some  of  the  charms  and  witcheries  and  incantations 
that  entranced  our  first  years  of  boyhood  and  dreams  !  To  the 
elfish  notes  of  four-footed  and  creeping  goblins  and  winged  and 
gay  sprites,  were  added  the  rustle  of  fresh  fallen  leaves,  the 
crackling  of  brush- wood,  the  rattling  of  branch  and  bush,  the 
strange  creaking  of  great  trees,  rubbing  in  amity  their  arms  and 
boughs,  and  the  wailing  and  moaning  of  fitful  winds ;  and  this 
formed  our  sinless  Babel. 

Under  the  most  favourable  arrangement  of  lungs,  and  larynx 
and  ears,  conversation  is  a  labour  in  such  groves  and  meadows ; 
but,  ah !  my  dear  friend,  if  one's  comrade  is  deaf!  or  still 
worse  if  he  is  a  modest  man  of  the  muttery  and  whispery 
genus  !  and  hearing  uncommonly  sharp  himself,  takes  for  granted 
you  hear  ditto  !  True,  if  you  like  to  do  talking,  and  the  other 
hearing,  that  is  the  very  thing ;  but,  alas !  our  escort  in  this 
episodial  trip,  who  was  a  Mr.  Mealy  mouth,  was  even  more  de- 
sirous of  talking  than  hearing  !  And  what  made  it  more  awful, 
it  was  not  possible  to  answer  him  in  the  "  Amen-at-a-venture" 
mode;  for  most  of  Mr.  Mealymouth's  queries,  which  were 
numerous  as  a  pedlar's  from  the  land  of  guesses,  admitted  not 
the  mere  answer  yes  or  wo,  but  demanded  explanatory  replies 
like  those  of  Professor  Didactic.  He  asked  to  find  out  what 
you  knew,  and  not  to  be  answered. 

Uncle  John  quickly  contrived  to  shuffle  out  of  this  scrape, 
and  with  a  most  unchristian  design  to  take  revenge  for  the 
razor  affair  ;  but  then  he  ought  not  to  have  paid  back  with  so 
terrible  an  interest.  Nay,  he  lagged  just  in  our  rear,  every 
no,w  and  then  switching  my  creature,  till  the  huzzy — a  lady- 
horse — feared  to  quit  the  side  of  the  escort's  horse — a  horse- 
horse — and  so  kept  on  even  a-head  with  him,  pace  for  pace, 
trot  for  trot,  shuffle  for  shuffle;  her  eyes  strained  backward,  her 
ears  pointed  and  tremulous,  and  her  heels  in  the  panlo-ante- 
future  tense  of  being-nearly-about-a-going-to-kick — while  I,  com- 
pletely snared  and  in-for-it,  could  be  seen,  all  eye  and  ear,  with 
my  neck  away  out  forward  to  catch  the  sense  of  Mr.  Mealy- 
mouth  muttering  and  whispering  some  half-articulate  question, 
direct  or  indirect,  thus : 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE  283 

«  Well— Carlt— powerful— don't— allow  ?" 
"  Si-i-i-r  T  at  the  top  of  my  voice  to  provoke  him  to  a  higher 
pitch. 

"  Most  powerful  good  meet — reckon — don't —  ?" 
"  Oh !    yes,   rather    lean,   however — it   wasn't    stall    fed — 
think  it  wasT' — (I  thought  he  alluded   to  the  beefsteak   at 
breakfast.) 

"  Meetin — meetin — convoc — hard  heerin — allow  1" 
"  The  leaves  rattle  so — oh  !  yes,  noble  set  of  good  men." 
"  Mr.  Carlton — allow — Mr.  Seymour — aint  he  1" 
"  Yes ! — no !"     And  turning  round  I  bellowed  out — "  Hul- 
lo w  !  Uncle  John,  ride  up,  Mr.  Mealy  mouth  wants  you  !" 

"  Road  too  narrow — 'fraid  of  things  getting  rubbed  in  my 
saddle-bags,"  replied  Uncle  J. 

Here  I  politely  made  a  movement  to  fall  in  the  rear  and 
give  up  my  privilege ;  but  my  skittish  jade,  catching  sight  of 
Uncle  John's  upraised  switch,  snorted,  and  cocking  back  her  ears 
trotted  me  up  again  to  the  place  of  punishment — while  from 
Uncle  John's  face,  it  was  plain  enough  he  was  indulging  in  a 
malicious  inward  laugh.  Nay,  although  I  hate  to  tell  it,  he 
actually  put  up  his  finger  against  his  cheek  and  made  signs  of 
shaving ! — a  pretty  way  for  a  pious  man  of  returning  good  for 
evil! 

I  shall  not  detail  all  my  misapprehensions  nor  contrivances 
to  avoid  answering  at  hazard,  as  for  instance,  suddenly  crying 
out,  when  expected  to  reply  to  a  query — "  See !  see !  that 
deer  !" — or — "  Hurraw  !  for  the  turkeys  there !" — or — "  Smell 
cowcumbers — guess  a  rattlesnake's  near."  Nor  shall  I  relate 
how,  at  last,  1  did  get  behind  Uncle  John  ;  and  how  Mr.  M.  fell 
back  and  rode  with  him ;  I  ever  and  anon  admonishing  Mr. 
Seymour  to  take  care  of  his  saddle-bags ;  nor  how  Uncle  John 
was  attacked  with  a  very  uncommon  and  alarming  stiffness, 
rendering  it  necessary  for  him  to  dismount  and  walk  a  whole 
mile  ;  and  how  he  overtook  us  at  the  ford  of  the  Wabash,  Mr. 
M.  foi  tunately  volunteering  to  lead  his  horse ;  but  I  hasten  to 
say  that  about  evening  we  reached  the  house  of  a  friend  who 
had  invited  us  to  call  on  him ;  and  that  here,  to  crown  the  plea- 


284  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

sures  of  the  day,  we  found  our  host  Mr.  Softspeech  was  even 
more  inarticulate  than  Mr.  Mealy  mouth  himself. 

Uncle  John  now  proposed  to  bury  the  hatchet,  and  form  a 
league  of  offence  and  defence;  hence,  after  due  deliberation 
while  out  washing  and  wiping,  it  was  concluded  that  we  both  sit 
together,  and  always  in  front  of  the  fire ;  thus  keeping  our  inno- 
cent tormentors  each  at  opposite  sides  of  the  chimney-place. 
For  first,  this  would  do  them  a  service  by  compelling  them  to 
talk  out,  it  seeming  impossible,  if  they  designed  speaking  to  one 
another  at  all,  to  do  it  long  in  a  mutter ;  and  secondly,  if  we 
were  assailed  by  either  enemy  right  or  left,  we  should  have 
four  ears  to  defend  and  aid  us,  instead  of  two,  and  so  we  could 
together  compound  a  pretty  fair  answer :  this  judicious  arrange^ 
ment  made  us  nearly  equal  to  a  Siamese  twins. 

And  yet,  one  important  matter  was  found  to  have  been  over- 
looked— the  effect  on  our  risibility.  For  when  the  two  cousins 
of  Simongosoftly  began  a  gentle  stir  of  murmuring  lips,  and  both 
found,  in  despite  of  keen  ears,  that  articulate  language  must  be 
used ;  and  when  evident  vexation  from  their  reciprocal  mutters 
and  mistakes  arose,  and  they  looked  at  one  another  in  a  style 

like  saying,  "  Blame  you,  why  don't  you  speak  louder" 

Oh !  dear  reader,  would  you  have  believed  it  ?  Uncle  John  all 
at  once  laughed  right  out ! — and  then  you  know  I  couldn't  help 
it — could  I  ? 

But  then,  the  old  gentleman  turned  it  so  adroitly,  thus : 

"  Mr.  Carlton,"  said  he,  "  whenever  I  think  of  that  trick  you 
served  me  about  the  razor  I  can't  help  laughing." 

And  of  course  that  affair  was  narrated ;  and  we  had  the  satis- 
faction of  finding  our  two  friends  could  laugh  like  Christians,  if 
they  could  not  talk  like  them.  And  truly  man  is  pretty  much 
of  a  laughing  animal.  And  certainly  none  deserves  to  be  more 
laughed  at ;  although  for  this  vile  sin  of  muttering,  and  grum- 
bling, and  whispering  out  words  with  a  fixed  jaw,  and  eyes  half 
shut  up  like  a  dreamy  cat  in  the  sunshine,  words,  that  should  be 
articulated  in  the  sweet  vocality  of  human  speech,  the  whole 
abominable  tribe  of  Mealyrnouths  deserves  not  only  to  be 
laughed  and  hooted  at,  but  actually  well  scourged. 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  285 

Well,  we  paid  our  visit  to  our  Sucker  relative ;  and  then, 
after  the  two  worthy  old  gentlemen  had  exhausted  their  remi- 
niscences, and  edified  one  another  with  adventures  in  hunting, 
and  fishing,  and  camping  out,  and  voyaging,  and  so  on,  we  bade 
fore  wells ;  and  Uncle  John  and  myself,  but  without  an  escort, 
took  the  homeward  trail.  The  accidents  in  the  path  belong  to 
chapter. 


CHAPTER    XL. 

"Being  skilled  in  these  parts,  -which,  to  a  stranger 
Unguided  and  unfriended,  often  prove 
Bough  and  inhospitable." 

ON  the  return,  our  first  night  was  passed  with  the  host  of  the 
antediluvian  razor.  But  going  into  the  woods  we  needed  now 
no  shaving;  although  we  shortly  became  entangled  in  another 
scrape,  to  be  estimated  in  comparison  and  contrast,  according 
to  the  tenderness  of  one's  face,  or  his  leggins  and  trowsers. 

Let  me  not  forget  that,  before  reaching  Razorville,  we  had 
passed  through  a  primitive  world,  an  antique  French  settle- 
ment ;  and  in  it  could  be  discerned  no  trace  of  modern  arts  and 
inventions ;  but  agriculture,  architecture  and  other  matters  were 
so  ancient  that  we  seemed  to  have  come  among  aboriginal 
Egyptians  or  Greeks.  The  carts  or  wagons  were  like  the  wain 
of  Ceres,  and  moved  on  spokeless  wheels  of  solid  wood,  without 
naves,  and,  if  circumference  applied  to  wheels  must  be  a  circle, 
without  circumference. 

The  horse — if  such  may  be  called  a  dwarf, -shaggy  pony,  so 
dirty  and  earthy  as  to  seem  raised  in  a  crop,  like  turnips  or 
potatoes — this  villainous  and  cunning  horse  was  tied  to  the 
Cerealian  vehicle  by  thongs  of  elm  bark,  fastened  to  a  collar  of 
corn-blades  around  his  neck ;  and  he  had  a  head-gear  of  elm 
bark  ropes  for  halter  or  bridle — but  sometimes  he  had  no  head- 
gear whatever.  He  was  driven  usually  by  flagellation  from  a 
stick-whip,  in  size  between  a  switch  and  a  pole,  yet  often  with 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

a  corn-stalk  fourteen  feet  long  without  its  tassel,  and,  not  infre- 
quently, by  a  clod  or  rock  thrown  against  his  head  or  side. 

At  the  first  hint  from  the  persuasives,  shaggy  coat  would 
merely  shake  his  head  and  look  up,  and  then,  with  an  impudent 
nourish  of  a  tail  compounded  of  burrs  and  horse-hair,  he  would 
pull  away — not,  indeed,  at  his  load — but  at  the  corn-blades  and 
ears,  dangling  in  plenty  about  his  unmuzzled  mouth.  On  a  re- 
petition of  the  hint,  especially  if  accompanied  by  a  Canadian- 
ized-French  execration — and  its  potency  may  be  thus  judged — 
pony  would  whisk  with  his  cart  some  half  dozen  decided  jerks, 
attended  by  the  rattling  of  his  corn-collar,  the  straining  of  bark 
traces,  and  the  screeching  of  dry  wheel  and  axis ;  minus,  also,  a 
mess  of  corn  bounced  from  the  wain  at  every  jerk.  And  thus 
matters  proceeded,  with  iterations  of  thumps,  pelts,  curses,  and . 
outcries  on  one  side,  and  jerks  ahead  on  the  other,  till  the  horse 
and  wagon  was  clear  of  the  corn-field — and  then  look  out ! 
Pony  had  now  no  more  to  expect  in  the  way  of  mouthfuls  till 
he  reached  the  stack-yard,  and  so,  go  ahead  was  his  motto — 
and,  with  him,  no  idle  sentiment !  True,  the  machine  wabbled 
and  bounced — that  was  owing  to  the  inartificiality  of  the  work- 
manship, and  the  asperities  of  the  ground  ;  the  load  jumped 
over  the  sides  or  rattled  from  the  tail — that  was  because  the 
sides  were  too  low,  and  there  was  no  tail-board ;  perhaps,  even 
the  collar  broke,  and  little  shaggy  was  released — the  collar 
should  have  been  leather :  his  duty  was  plain — to  get  to  the 
stack-yard  as  speedily  as  possible,  with  or  without  a  cart,  or 
with  it  full  or  empty. 

How  my  nameless  quadrupedal  old  friend  would  have  relished 
and  adorned  this  arcadian  life !  What  a  theatre  for  his  abilities 
and  accomplishments !  It  may  be  something  to  live  in  clover  ; 
but  what  is  life  in  a  clover-patch  of  a  dozen  rods,  to  life  in  a 
prairie  corn-field  of  a  thousand  acres  ? 

But  this  is  digression,  of  which,  indeed,  other  examples  oc- 
curred on  our  way  home. 

A  friend  of  ours,  a  citizen  of  Woodville,  returning  now  from 
Vincennes,  and  who  travelled  in  a  small  one-horse-wagon,  had 
told  us  of  a  short  cut  across  the  prairie ;  and  had  stated  also, 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  287 

that,  while  the  path  was  an  almost  imperceptible  trace,  being 
used  only  by  a  few  horsemen,  still  we  should  easily  follow  the 
marks  of  his  wheels — and  thus  a  whole  hour  could  be  gained. 
Passing  us,  therefore,  on  the  evening  we  had  reached  Kazorville, 
he  went  by  the  short  cut,  to  "  ole  man  Stafford's,"  a  distance  of 
seven  miles ;  intending  there  to  stay  all  night,  and  await  our 
arrival  to  a  very  early  breakfast  next  morning — the  remainder 
of  the  journey  to  be  made  in  company. 

Well,  an  hour  before  day-break  on  Tuesday  morning,  we  put 
out.  and  in  half  an  hour  came  to  the  "  blind  path  ;"  into  which 
we  struck  bold  enough,  considering  we  had  to  dismount  to  find 
it,  and  that,  from  the  dimness  of  the  early  morn,  no  wagon-ruts 
could  yet  be  discerned.  But  as  the  light  increased,  we  could 
see,  here  and  there,  in  the  grass,  traces  of  a  light  wagon  ;  and 
that  emboldened  us  to  trot  on  very  fast,  in  the  comfortable  as. 
surance  of  rapidly  approaching  a  snug  breakfast  of  chicken 
fixins,  eggs,  ham-doins,  and  corn  slap-jacks.  By  degrees  the 
prairie  turned  into  timber  land  ;  but  that  had  been  expected, 
although  the  woods  were  rather  more  like  thickets  and  swamps 
than  ought  to  be  encountered  on  entering  the  Stafford  country. 
Still,  every  two  or  three  rods  was  some  mark  of  our  friend's 
wagon ;  and  as  short  cuts  often  pass  through  out-of-the-way  dis- 
tricts, and  we  travelled  now  not  by  stars,  or  sun,  or  compass, 
but  by  wheel-ruts,  we  deemed  it  best  to  stick  to  our  guide  and 
Uncle  John's  old  saw — "  'tis  a  long  lane  that  has  no  turn." 

At  last  we  came  to  the  edge  of  a  dense  and  dark  thicket ; 
and  here,  at  right  angles  with  the  ruts — for  long  since  the  six- 
inch  horse-path  had  run  out,  or  sunkj  or  evaporated,  or  some- 
thing— ran  a  deep  and  wide  gulley,  blocked  with  fallen  trees 
and  brushwood ;  over  which,  of  course,  the  wagon  had  got  some- 
how, and,  as  was  natural,  without  leaving  any  visible  trace 
This  deficiency  was,  however,  not  important,  because,  you  knoWj 
we  should  find  the  wagon-tracks  on  the  far  side  of  the  ravine , 
and  so  over  we  went  working,  where  the  impediments  seemed 
fewest,  in  a  zig-zag  method,  for  about  two  hundred  yards,  when, 
all  at  once,  we  rose,  large  as  life,  up  the  opposite  bank,  and  in- 
stantly began  talking : — 


288  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

"See  any  ruts'?" 

"No— do  your 

"  No— let's  ride  to  the  left." 

"  Through  that  papaw  and  spice  ! — no,  no,  try  the  right." 

"  The  right ! — look  at  the  grape  and  green  briar — better  keep 
straight  ahead." 

"  Straight  ahead,  indeed  ! — that's  worse  than  the  other 
courses." 

"  Why,  how,  in  the  name  of  common  sense,  did  Mr.  Thorn 
ever  get  his  wagon  through  here  1 — come,  you  go  right,  and  I'll 
go  left,  and  let's  see  if  we  can't  find  the  wheel-ruts." 

And  then  we  separated ;  but  after  hard  "  scrouging"  each 
way  some  hundred  yards,  and  halloing  questions,  answers, 
doubts,  guesses,  etc.,  etc.,  in  a  very  unmealymouthed  manner, 
till  we  became  hoarse,  and  withal  finding  no  ruts,  nor  even  hoof- 
marks,  we  came  together  and  held  a  council.  The  result  of  the 
deliberation  was : — 

1.  That  we  were  probably — (Uncle  J.  being   a  woodsman 
would  allow  only  a  probability) — were  probably  lost : 

2.  That  maybe  we  might  have  followed  a  wrong  wagon,  and 
maybe  we  might  not : 

3.  That  maybe  we  had  better  go  back,  and  maybe  we  had 
not : 

4.  That  as  it  was  likely  we  had  been  spirited  into  the  Great 
Thicket  of  the  White  River,  it  would  be  best  to  work  ahead, 
and  strike  the  river  itself  now,  up  or  doion,  which — I  forget 
which  one  Uncle  J.  said — was  a  settlement  maybe. 

This  last  proposition  having  a  decided  majority  of  two  voices, 
we  began  to  work  our  passage  into  the  river,  Mr.  Seymour  as 
general  in  the  van,  Mr.  C.  as  rear-guard. 

Now,  how  shall  our  swamp  be  described  ?  What  language 
can  here  be  an  echo  to  the  sense  ?  Any  attempt  of  the  sort 
would  be  so  complicated  an  implexicity  in  the  interwovenness 
of  the  circularity,  that  should  give  the  sight,  and  sound,  and 
fragrance  of  the  maziness  in  that  most  amazing  of  mazes,  where 
all  sorts  of  crookednesses  made  contortion  worse  in  its  inter- 
lacings,  that — that — one  would  go  first  this  way,  and  then  some 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  289 

other  way,  and  then  back  again  once  more  towards  the  end, 
side,  middle  and  beginning  of  the  sentence,  and  yet  fail  to  dis- 
cover the — the — echo — and  be  no  more  able  to  get  through 
with  so  labyrinthical  unperiodical  a  period,  in  any  other  way 
than  we  were  to  get  out  of  the  thicket,  and  that  was  by  burst- 
ing out — so ! 

However,  you've  picked  black-berries  ? — gone  after  chicken- 
grapes,  or  something,  in  your  early  days  ?  You've  set  snares 
in  pretty  thick  thickets,  where  you  went  on  all-fours  through 
prickle-bushes,  to  save  your  face  ?  Well — aggregate  the  trifling 
impediments  of  your  worst  entanglements ;  then  colour  matters 
a  little,  and  you  approximate  a  just  conception  of  our  thicket. 
In  this,  all  sorts  of  trees,  bushes,  briars,  thorns,  and  creepers, 
the  very  instant  their  seeds  were  dropped  or  roots  set  by 
nature — and  some  without  staying  for  either  root  or  seed — 
started  right  up  and  off,  all  at  once,  a  growing  with  all  their 
might,  each  and  every  struggling,  like  all  creation  for  the  as- 
cendancy, and  thus  preventing  one  another  and  all  others,  from 
getting  too  large ;  yea,  in  haste  and  eagerness,  like  candidates 
climbing  a  hickory -pole,  all  wrapping,  and  interlacing,  and  inter- 
weaving trunks,  boughs,  branches,  arms,  roots  and  shoots,  till 
no  eye  could  tell  whether,  for  instance,  the  creeper  produced  the 
thorn,  or  the  thorn  the  creeper,  or  the  vine  the  scrub-oak,  or  the 
oak  the  grapes — and  till  the  shaking,  or  pulling,  or  touching,  of 
a  single  branch,  vine,  root,  or  briar  shook  a  thousand  ! — like 
the  casting  of  a  pebble  into  a  lake,  till  it  disturbed  in  some  de- 
gree, the  whole  immensity  of  the  thicket !  And  so  all,  in  sheer 
rage,  malice,  and  vexation,  sent  forth  all  manners,  kinds  and 
sorts  of  prickers  and  scratchers,  and  thorns,  and  scarifiers ;  and 
began  to  bear  all  manners,  and  kinds,  and  sorts  of  flowers,  and 
poisonous  berries  and  grapes  ! 

In  places,  a  black  walnut,  or  hackberry  or  sycamore,  having, 
like  a  Pelagian,  an  intrinsic  virtue,  had  got  the  start  of  nature  by 
a  few  hours  at  the  beginning  of  the  swamp ;  and  had  ever  since 
kept  a  head  so  elevated  as  now  to  be  overlooking  miles  around 
of  the  mazy  world  below,  and  presenting  a  trunk  and  boughs 
so  wrapped  in  vines  and  parasites  as  to  form  a  thicket  within  a 
13 


290  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

thicket,  an  imperium  in  imperio ;  while  coiled  and  wreathed 
there  into  fantastic  twi stings,  immense  serpentine  grape  vines 
seemed  like  boas  and  anacondas,  ready  to  enfold  and  crush  their 
victims !  Nay  in  every  labyrinth  were  concealed  worlds  of  in- 
sects, reptiles,  and  winged  creatures ;  and  some,  judging  from 
their  hisses,  and  growls,  and  mutterings,  as  they  darted  from 
one  concealment  to  another  at  the  strange  invasion  of  their  dens 
and  lairs,  were  doubtless  formidable  in  aspect,  and  not  innoxious 
in  bites  and  stings. 

Through  this  apparently  impervious  wilderness  of  the  woven 
world  twist,  however,  we  did — onward,  as  Uncle  John  said.  I 
thought  it  was  a  vain  struggle,  like  striving  to  free  one's  self 
from  the  meshes  of  a  giant's  net !  Yet  I  kept  close  in  the  rear 
of  his  horse;  for  Mr.  Seymour  insisted  on  being  pilot,  and 
politeness  yields  to  elders  even  in  wriggling  through  a  swamp. 
But  what  need  be  told  our  contrivances  to  work  through  ? 
Never  in  words  can  be  painted  the  drawing  up  of  our  legs ! — 
the  shrinking  of  our  bodies ! — the  condensation  of  our  arms  ! — 
the  bowings  down  of  our  heads,  with  compressed  lips  and  shut 
eyes  !  But  still  we  talked  thus : 

"  Oh  !  hullow  !  stop,  won't  you  1" 

"  What's  the  matter  T' 

"My  hat's  gone." 

"  There  it  is,  dangling  on  that  branch — look  up — higher ! — 
higher  yet !" 

"  Oh  !  yes — I  see : — lucky  the  hat  wasn't  tied  under  a  fellow's 
chin,  hey  1 — how  the  thing  jerked  !" 

"Ouch! — what  a  scratch! — just  get  out  your  knife  and  cut 
this  green-briar." 

"  I've  cut  it — go  on : — look  out,  you'll  lose  your  right 
leggin." 

"  Whi-i-i-rr  !— what's  that?" 

"A  pheasant!" 

"H-i-i-ss!— what's  that?" 

"A  snake!" 

"  Haw !  haw !  haw ! — if  your  trowsers  ain't  torn  the  pret- 
tiest!" 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  291 

"  Don't  taste  them  ! — they  ain't  grapes  ! — they  are  poison 
berries  !" 

"  Look — quick  ! — what  an  enormous  lizard  !" 

And  then  such  knocks  on  the  head  !  Did  I  ever  think  heads, 
before  the  aid  of  phrenology,  could  bear  such  whacks !  Soft 
heads,  surely,  must  have  been  mashed,  and  hard  ones,  cracked ; 
and,  therefore,  Uncle  John  and  I  had  medium  sculls,  and  the  pre- 
cise developments  to  go  through  thickets.  I  had  always  disbe- 
lieved the  vulgar  saying  about  "  knocked  into  a  cocked  hat," — 
deeming  it,  indeed,  possible  to  be  knocked  out  of  one ;  but  my 
infidelity  left  me  ia  that  swamp,  when  I  saw  the  very  odd  figures 
we  made  after  our  squeezings,  abrasions,  and  denudings.  The 
shape  of  a  cocked  hat  was  not  at  all  like  them !  and  yet,  in 
about  three  hours  from  the  starting  at  the  gulley,  we  somehow 
or  other  stood  on  the  summit  of  a  bold  bluff,  and  beheld  the 
river  coolly  and  beautifully  flowing  beneath  our  feet  away 
below  !  Here  we  halted,  first  to  repair  apparel,  wipe  off  per- 
spiration, and  pick  out  briars  and  thorns  from  the  hands  and 
other  half-denuded  parts ;  and,  secondly,  to  determine  the  next 
movement,  when — hark!  the  sound  of  an  axe! — yes!  and  hark! 
— of  human  voices ! 

Between  us  and  the  sounds,  evidently  not  more  than  two 
hundred  yards  up  the  river,  interposed  a  dense  and  thorny 
rampart ;  but  with  coats  fresh  buttoned  to  our  throats,  hats  half- 
way over  the  face,  and  leggins  rebound  above  the  knee  and  at 
the  ankle,  we,  in  the  saddles,  and  retired  within  ourselves,  like 
snails,  the  outer  man  being  thus  contracted  into  the  smallest, 
possible  dimension,  and  with  heads  so  inclined  as  to  render  fol- 
lowing the  nose  alike  impossible  and  useless,  we  charged  with 
the  vengeance  of  living  battering  rams  against  and  into  the 
matted  wall  of  sharp  and  sour  vegetables;  and  onward,  onward, 
went  we  thus,  till  all  at  once,  the  impediment  ceasing,  we  burst 
and  tumbled  through  into  an  open  circular  clearing  of  about 
fifty  yards'  diameter ! 

In  one  part  was  a  rude  shantee  or  temporary  lodge  of  poles 
and  bark,  a  la  Indian,  having  in  front,  as  cover  to  a  door-way, 
a  suspended  blanket,  perhaps  to  keep  out  mosquitoes;  for  I 


292  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

could  neither  see  nor  imagine  any  other  use.  On  one  side  the 
area,  were  large  heaps  of  hoop-poles,  on  another,  of  barrel- 
staves  ;  while  in  several  places  stood  gazing  at  us  three  squatter- 
like  personages,  and  evidently  not  gratified  at  our  unceremonious 
visit.  The  nature  of  their  employment  was  manifest — the  pre- 
paration of  some  western  "  notions  and  ideas"  for  the  Orleans 
market. 

"Well,  what  of  that?" 

Nothing;  it  was  very  correct,  except  in  one  small  particular; 
this  snug  little  swamp  and  thicket,  some  thirty  miles  by  two  in 
extent,  and  full  of  choice  timber,  happened  .to  belong  to  our 
Great  Father's  elder  brother,  the  venerable  dear  good  old  Uncle 
Sam  !  And  these  reprobate  nephews,  our  cousins,  were  simply 
busy  in  taking  more  than  their  share  of  the  common  heritage — 
in  short,  they  were  poaching  and  stealing !  Now,  kind  reader, 
for  the  last  three  hours,  we  had  passed  through  a  considerable 
scrape ;  nay,  as  we  had  shrunk  up,  it  may  be  called  a  narrow 
scrape,  but  on  comprehending  the  present  affair,  it  seemed  not 
improbable,  that  we  had  only  come  out  of  the  scrape  literal,  into 
the  scrape  metaphorical. 

"  How  so  f '  Why  you  see,  a  large  penalty  was  incurred  for 
cutting  down  and  stealing  public  timber;  and  the  informer  got 
a  handsome  share  of  the  fine  as  reward  ;  so  that  our  industrious 
kinsmen  taking  us,  at  first,  for  spies  and  informers,  not  only 
looked,  but  talked  quite  growly ;  and  we  both  felt  a  little 
nervous  at  sight  of  the  rifles  and  scalping  knives  in  the  shantee ! 
Here  is  a  first-rate  temptation  to  make  a  thrilling  story ;  but  I 
must  not  forget  the  dignity  of  history — although  Uncle  John 
and  I  both  thrilled  at  the  time  without  any  story — and  so  I  pro- 
ceed to  say,  that  we  soon  satisfied  our  free  traders  who  we  were ; 
and  that  they  condescended  not  only  to  laugh,  but  to  sneer  at 
us,  and  then  pointed  to  a  nice  little  wagon  that  one  of  them  had 
driven  yesterday  from  near  Razorville,  with  their  supplies  for 
the  current  week !  And  that  was  the  identical  rut-making 
machine,  that,  so  contrary  to  every  body's  wishes  had  coaxed 
us  into  the  thicket ! 

We  were  then  taught  how  to  return  on  its  trace,  by  a  kind 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  293 

of  opening  through  the  maze ;  and  received  ample  directions 
where  and  how  to  cross  the  ravine.  We  accordingly  hastened 
away  ;  but  we  never  felt  perfectly  easy,  or  ventured  to  laugh 
honestly,  till  full  two  hundred  yards  beyond  the  longest  rifle 
shot,  which  might  very  accidentally  take  our  direction,  and, 
may  be,  hit  us.  After  having  thus  lost  a  wagon  in  a  prairie,  I 
felt  inclined  to  believe  in  the  difficulty  of  finding  a  needle  in  a 
hay-stack.  But  we  came,  finally,  to  a  deserted  cabin  ;  and 
there,  after  a  keen  look,  discovered  a  little  path  laid  down  for  us 
in  the  late  verbal  chart. 

Revived  we  now  cantered  on,  and  not  long  after  reached  our 
breakfas Chouse,  just  as  the  sun  was  going  down — having  in  the 
day's  navigation  with  all  our  tackings  made  precisely  seven 
miles,  by  the  short  cut,  in  the  homeward  direction.  Since 
Monday  night,  we  had  eaten  nothing,  and  were  naturally  ready 
now  for  three  meals  in  one ;  and  yet  were  we  destined  to  wait 
a  little  longer,  and  condense  into  one,  four  repasts — like  ancient 
Persians  when  hunting.  For,  either  not  liking  our  appearance,  or 
vexed  at  our  not  having  come  earlier  to  breakfast,  we  were  here 
most  pertinaciously  refused  any  entertainment  whatever,  and 
even  peremptorily  ordered  away  ;  and  were,  indeed,  compelled 
to  put  off  for  the  nearest  house,  some  eight  miles  farther  at  the 
ferry  ! 

In  about  two  hours  we  having  again  lost  our  way,  and  it 
being  very  dark,  my  horse,  now  in  the  lead,  suddenly  halted ; 
when  dismounting,  I  tried  first  with  my  feet,  and  then  my 
hands,  and  quickly  had  by  these  new  senses  a  feeling  sen&e  of 
our  situation,  viz.,  that  we  stood  at  the  diverging  point  of  two 
paths  running  from  one  another  at  nearly  a  right  angle ! 

"  Well,  what  do  you  say — which  shall  we  take  1" 

"  Hem  ! — what  do  you  say  ?  Don't  it  seem  damp  towards 
the  right  1" 

"  I  think  it  does — and  maybe  the  river  is  that  way.  Don't  it 
seem  like  rising  ground  towards  the  left,  to  you  ?" 

"  It  does — let's  try  the  left — we've  had  enough  of  thickets  for 
one  day — hark  !  hark  !" 

"  Bow-wow-wow !  bow-wow  /"  on  the  left. 


294  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

"  Sure  enough  !   a  dog  towards  the  left  !  push  a-head   that 


The  canine  outcry  was  reduplicated  and  prolonged  ;  and  we 
were  soon  rewarded  for  our  sagacity  in  going  to  the  left  by 
coming  whack-up  against  a  worm-fence  !  But  groping  our  way 
through  this  impediment,  a  light  was  soon  discerned  gleaming 
through  some  crevice  ;  and  the  noise  of  the  dog  then  subsided 
into  an  angry  growl  —  which  growl  was  again  exchanged  into  a 
bark,  as  we  let  out  our  hearty  and  door-penetrating  "  Hullow  !" 
This  backwood's  sonnet  had  soon  the  desired  effect  on  the  clap- 
board shutter  ;  for  it  now  creaked  slowly  open,  and  allowed  to 
issue  from  the  cabin  the  following  reply  in  a  strong  soprano,  yet 
vibratory  from  apprehension  — 

"  Well  —  who  be  you  1  what's  a  wantin  ?" 

"  Strangers,  ma'am,  from  the  Big  Meeting  at  Vincennes  ; 
we've  been  lost  all  day  in  the  Swamp  below  Stafford's  —  and 
we're  lost  now.  Will  you  be  so  kind  as  to  let  us  stay  the  rest 
of  the  night  here?" 

"  Well,  it's  most  powerful  onconvenient  —  couldn't  you  a  sort 
a  keep  on  to  Fairplay  —  'taint  more  nor  two  miles  no  how,  and 
you'd  git  mighty  good  'comedashins  thar  ?" 

"  Oh  !  ma'arn,  we'd  never  find  the  way  in  the  dark.  Besides, 
our  horses  are  nearly  given  out;  and  we  ourselves  haven't 
touched  food  for  nearly  two  days  -  " 

"  Well  !  now  !  if  that  aint  amost  too  powerful  hard  like  — 
I'm  a  poor  lone  woman  body  —  but  I  can't  let  you  go  on  —  so 
come  in.  But,  strangers,  you'll  find  things  right  down  poor 
here,  and  have  to  sleep  on  the  floor,  as  'cos  I've  no  more  nor 
two  beds  and  them's  all  tuk  up  by  me  and  the  childurn.  How- 
sever,  thar's  a  corn  heap  over  thar  to  feed  your  critturs  ;  but 
we're  now  teetotally  out  of  meal  ;  —  and  Bill's  to  start  in  the 
morning  for  a  grist  —  and  I'm  powerful  sorry  we've  nothin  to 
eat  -  -" 

"  Oh  !  thank  you,  ma'am  —  never  mind  us  —  thank  you  —  never 
mind  !  If  we  get  corn  for  our  poor  brutes,  and  shelter  for  our- 
selves that  will  do  —  thank  you,  ma'am  —  never  mind  !" 

Having  fed  our  jaded  animals  we  entered  the  cabin,  and  de- 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  295 

positing  our  saddles  and  furniture  in  one  corner,  we  sat  down  on 
two  rude  stools,  like  some  modern  ottomans  in  the  city ;  being 
so  low  as  to  force  one's  knees  and  chins  into  near  proximity. 
They  had,  indeed,  no  covering  or  cushion,  unless  such  be  con- 
sidered the  lone's  woman's  indescribable,  lying  on  the  one,  and 
Bill's  tow-linen  breeches  on  the  other — articles  we  considerately, 
however,  removed  for  fear  of  soiling. 

The  next  thing  we  did  was  to  poke  up  the  slumbering  fire ; 
by  the  light  of  which  we  first  cast  rueful  looks  on  one  another, 
and  then  some  sideway  glances  around  the  apartment.  In  one 
spot,  stood  a  barrel  with  an  empty  bag  of  dim  whiteness,  hang- 
ing partly  in  and  partly  out,  while  across  its  top  was  laid  a 
kneading  bowl,  and  in  that  a  small  washing  machine; — the 
barrel  being  manifestly  the  repository  of  meal,  and  the  bag  the 
very  affair  Bill  was  to  ride,  in  the  morning,  to  mill.  Near  us  was 
a  shelf  holding  a  few  utensils  for  mush  and  milk,  several  tin 
cups,  a  wooden  bowl  in  need  of  scouring,  and  some  calabashes ; 
a  large  calabash  we  had  noticed  outside  the  door,  having  a  small 
grape  vine  for  a  handle,  and  intended  to  represent  a  bucket  for 
water  and  other  wet  and  dry  uses.  In  a  strap  of  deerskin 
nailed  under  the  shelf  were  stuck  certain  knives,  some  orna- 
mented with  buck-horn  handles,  one  or  two  with  corn-cob 
handles,  and  one  handleless ;  and  interspersed  judiciously  in  the 
same  strap  were  pincushions,  scissors,  comb,  and  a  few  other  et 
ceteras  of  a  hoosiery  toilette. 

But  the  curiosities  were  "  the  two  beds  and  all  tuk  up  by  the 
mother  and  the  childurn."  What  the  bedsteads  were  made  out 
of  was  not  ascertained.  Ricketty  they  were,  screeching,  squirm- 
ing, and  wriggling  at  every  slight  motion  of  the  sleeping  house- 
hold ;  but  tough  and  seasoned  too  must  they  have  been  to  bear 
up  under  their  respective  loads,  especially  considering  the  way 
some  that  night  kicked  under  the  covers,  and  occasionally  over 
them! 

In  one  bed  were  the  lone  (?)  woman  and  two  children ;  and 
in  this  I  am  confident,  having  counted  three  heads,  and  one  with 
a  cap  on.  In  the  other  were  three  or  four  bodies — Uncle  John 
insisted  on,/o?/r — but  I  only  counted  three  heads  at  the  bolster; 


296  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

yet  Uncle  John  in  his  very  last  letter  holds  to  it,  that  he  saw 
another  head  sticking  out  near  the  foot,  and  two  or  three  legs 
in  such  direction  as  could  come  only  from  a  head  in  that  lati- 
tude. Strong  presumptive  evidence,  granted;  yet  only  pre- 
sumptive, for  a  real  backwoods'  boy  can  twist  himself  all  round ; 
besides  the  fleas  that  night  made  the  bed  loads  twist  their  ut- 
most, and  legs  and  arms  became  so  surprisingly  commingled, 
that  no  ordinary  spectator  could  tell  to  what  bodies  they  seve- 
rally pertained.  And  never  were  beds  so  "  all  tuk  up,"  nor  so 
wonderfully  slept  all  over,  till  by  daylight  the  whole  of  their 
sleep  must  have  been  fully  extracted ;  and  hence,  it  was  plain 
enough  there  was  no  room  for  Uncle  John  or  me  in  either  bed ; 
and  that  if  we  wanted  any  sleep  we  must  get  it  out  of  the  pun- 
cheons. We  spread,  therefore,  our  horse-blankets  each  on  a 
puncheon,  our  separating  line  being  an  interstice  of  three  inches ; 
and,  transforming  saddle-bags  into  pillows,  we  essayed  to  sleep 
away  our  weariness  and  hunger.  But  the  "  sweet  restorer's" 
balmy  influences  were  all  confined  that  night,  to  the  two  regu- 
lar beds ;  and  that  among  other  causes  owing  to  a  motherly 
she-swine  with  a  litter  of  ever  so  many  pigs,  and  some  other 
bristled  gentry  in  the  basement,  whence  ascended  an  overpow- 
ering dry  hickory  nut  fragrance,  and  endless  variations  of  grunt, 
squeak,  and  shuffle — and  in  all  likelihood  the  oceans  of  fleas 
disturbing  us !  If  not  thence,  I  leave  it  to  such  critics  to  ascer- 
tain, who  delight  in  saying  and  finding  smart  things. 

Upon  the  whole  it  was  not,  then,  so  odd  that  about  an  hour 
before  dawn,  we  made  ready  to  set  out  in  search  of  Fairplay. 
And  of  course  our  preparations  awaked  the  lone  woman ;  when 
the  "  cap,"  already  named,  being  elevated  above  the  sleeping 
line  of  the  other  heads,  and  also  several  capless  pates  of  dirty 
matted  hair — gender  indeterminate — being  also  raised  and 
thrust  forth  in  the  other  bed,  we  thus  held  our  farewell  col- 
loquy : 

"  Well,  my  good  friend,  we  thank  you  kindly  for  your  hospi- 
tality, and  we  are  about  starting  now — what  shall  we  pay 
youT 

"  Laws  !  bless  you,  stranger  !  how  you  talk  ! — why  do  y' 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  297 

allow  I'd  axe  people  what's  lost  anything  1 — and  for  such  'come- 
dashins  ?" 

"  Oh  !  ma'am — but  we  put  you  to  trouble — " 

"  Trouble  ! — I  don't  mind  trouble  now  no  how — I've  had  too 
big  a  share  on  it  to  mind  it  any  more  amost — " 

"  Why,  ma'am,  you've  been  very  kind — and  we  really  can't 
go  away  till  we  pay  you  something — " 

"  Stranger ! — I  sees  you  wants  to  do  what's  right — but  you 
needn't  take  out  that  puss — I'll  have  to  be  a  most  powerful 
heap  poorer  nor  I'm  now,  afore  I'll  take  anything  for  sich  a 
poor  shelter  to  feller  critturs  what's  lost — and  them  a  com  in 
from  meetin  too  !  Aint  that  oldermost  stranger  a  kinder  sort  a 
preacher  ?" 

"  No,  my  friend,  I'm  only  a  member — " 

"  Well — I  couldn't  axe  meetin  folks  nothin  for  the  best.  I'm 
right  glad  you  didn't  take  the  right  hand  trail  below  our  fence, 
you'd  a  got  into  the  swamp  agin.  Now  jist  mind  when  you 
come  to  a  big  sugar  what  blow'd  down  by  the  harricane,  and 
take  the  left,  and  that  will  git  you  clear  of  the  bio — and  then 
keep  rite  strate  on  forrerd  and  you'll  soon  git  to  Fairplay." 

Farewells  were  then  cordially  exchanged,  and  we  left  the 
poor  lone  woman  with  emotions  of  pity,  gratitude,  and  admira- 
tion ;  and  we  thought  too  of  "  the  cup  of  cold  water" — "  the 
two  mites" — of  "  one  half  the  world  knows  not  how  the  other 
lives" — arid  "man  wants  but  little  here  below" — and  of  all 
similar  sacred  and  secular  sayings,  till  we  came  to  the  prostrate 
sugar-tree.  There  we  made  a  judicious  digression  to  avoid 
miring  and  suffocating  in  the  morass,  and  then  shortly  after 
dismounted  safe  and  sound,  but  frightfully  hungry,  at  Fairplay. 

And  here  we  rest  awhile  to  devour  two  breakfasts  and  re- 
pair, if  possible,  the  loss  of  dinner  and  supper 


Breakfast  among  the  Stars. 


* 
13* 


298  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

"  Landlord  !  our  horses,  if  you  please." 

"  They're  at  the  door — they  look  a  right  smart  chance  wusted 
— but  maybe  they'll  take  you  home — wish  you  a  pleasant  jour- 
ney and  no  more  scrapes." 

The  landlord's  wishes  were  not  disappointed,  for  in  due  time 
we  were  snug  at  home. 


CHAPTER    XLI. 

"This  man's  brow,  like  to  a  title  leaf, 
Foretells  the  nature  of  a  tragic  volume." 

CHRISTMAS  was  now  approaching ;  and  all  Glenville  that  re- 
mained was  expected  to  spend  the  holiday  at  Woodville. 

But  night  drew  near ;  and  after  an  entire  afternoon  passed  in 
expectation  and  affirmations,  thus — "  Well,  they  will  be  here  in 
a  few  minutes,  now  !" — and  after  repeated  visits  to  our  obser- 
vatory in  the  attic,  we  had  concluded  that,  beyond  all  doubt, 
within  a  half-hour  the  cavalcade  would  arrive.  But,  that  half- 
hour  elapsed,  and  no  friends  came !  and  then  another !  and  still 
another !  and  even  then  no  friends  !  It  was  then  so  very  much 
later  than  our  old  folks  had  been  wont  to  come,  that  we  all  sat 
now  in  the  gloom  of  disappointment  around  the  parlour,  uneasy, 
and  with  forebodings  of  evil — when  the  clatter  of  a  horse 
moving  rapidly  over  the  frozen  earth  called  us  in  haste  to  the 
door  ;  upon  opening  which,  John  Glenville  was  seen  dismount- 
ing, who  immediately  entered  and  with  a  countenance  of  deep 
distress — 

"  Why,  dear  John !  what  is  the  matter  ?" 

"  Melancholy  enough  !  poor  Uncle  has  fallen  and  broken  his 
thigh  !  I've  come  over  for  Sylvan,  and  must  go  back  with  him 
instantly.  I  left  word  for  him  to  be  ready  in  fifteen  minutes." 

Ah!  dear  reader!  if  one's  happiness  is  wholly  from  the 
earth,  what  shall  we  do  when  that  happiness  is  so  marred? 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  299 

Our  joy  became  instant  mourning — our  pleasant  apartment, 
cheerless — our  dainty  food,  tasteless — our  music,  the  voice  of 
lamentation  ! 

Dear  old  kind-hearted  man!  after  all  the  sore  disappoint- 
ments of  a  long  life,  is  this  sad  affliction  added  to  your  sorrows, 
and  pains,  and  many  bodily  injuries !  Again,  in  old  age,  must 
you  lie  in  that  dark  forest  in  the  anguish  of  broken  limbs  ! — 
again  separated  from  many  that  so  love  you  !  What  a  Christ- 
mas eve  for  you  !  how  different  from  those  passed  in  our  days 
of  prosperity ! 

For  myself,  when  recalling  the  incidents  of  our  late  journey 
— our  harmless  pleasantries — our  solemn  and  serious  conversa- 
tions— his  hoary  head  on  the  floor  of  the  lone  woman's  cabin — 
his  patience,  hilarity,  and  noble  heart — and  thought  of  him  re- 
fused a  night's  lodging,  who  had  sheltered  and  fed  so  many 
strangers,  and  of  him  turned,  weary,  hungry  and  sick  into  a  west- 
ern wilderness  at  night — and  now  that  gray  head  on  a  pillow 
of  anguish !  that  pleasant  face  changed  by  pain !  that  often 

broken  body  again  crushed  and  mangled But,  let  us  change 

the  subject. 

Our  friends  had  purposed  leaving  home  early  on  the  morn- 
ing of  the  24th,  but  an  unforeseen  business  having  called  away 
John  Glenville,  the  expedition  was  postponed  a  few  hours.  Yet 
when  he  came  not  at  the  hour,  it  was  then  concluded  that  the 
old  folks  should  set  out  by  themselves,  with  the  belief  that  Mr. 
Glenville  could  easily  overtake  them  on  the  road.  To  prepare 
the  horses,  Mr.  Seymour  descended  a  small  hill  to  the  stable, 
whilst  Aunt  Kitty  remained  in  the  cabin  to  arrange  a  few  small 
matters  previous  to  the  starting.  But  as  her  brother  was  ab- 
sent a  full  quarter  of  an  hour  beyond  what  seemed  necessary, 
she  stepped  to  the  cabin  door,  and  with  the  slightest  possible 
impatience — when,  to  her  amazement,  she  heard  a  faint  voice 
calling  on  her  for  help,  and  the  groans  of  one  as  in  great  bodily 
pain  !  She  flew  in  alarm  down  the  hill — and  at  the  stable-door 
lay  Uncle  John,  his  leg  broken  off  at  the  head  of  the  thigh-bone, 
himself  in  an  agony  of  pain,  and  in  danger  of  perishing  even 
from  cold,  without  a  speedy  removal !  His  horse  had  proved 


300  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

restive  on  being  led  from  the  stable,  and  in  a  consequent 
struggle  Mr.  S.  slipping  on  some  ice  had  fallen  and  received 
the  hurt. 

Aunt  Kitty  quickly  decided  on  her  plan.  She  brought  from 
the  cabin  the  buffalo  robe  bestowed  by  the  Osage  war-chief,  and 
spreading  it  near  her  wounded  brother,  she  managed,  weak  and 
unaided,  to  get  him,  a  large  and  heavy  man,  fairly  into  the  mid- 
dle of  the  robe.  Staying,  then,  her  tears,  and  raising  her  heart 
to  God  for  fortitude  and  strength,  she  began  to  drag  her  mourn- 
ful load  towards  the  cabin.  But  she  soon  found  herself  too 
weak  for  the  task,  and  in  despair,  looked  around — when,  on  her 
way  home,  and,  by  an  unusual  path  near  our  cabin,  passed  now 
that  very  woman  commemorated  elsewhere  in  this  work,  for  a 
novel  appearance  in  cow-hunting  !  Catching  a  glimpse  of  this 
woman,  Aunt  Kitty  cried  out  for  assistance ;  and  the  kind- 
hearted  neighbour  was  almost  instantly  at  her  side,  and  adding 
a  strength  superior  to  that  of  a  dozen  pretty  ladies,  she  soon, 
with  Aunt  Kitty's  aid,  had  our  wounded  relative  hauled  to  the 
cabin-door.  Here,  with  great  difficulty  and  labour  on  their  part, 
and  pain  on  his,  the  sufferer  was  partly  lifted  and  partly  dragged 
up  and  over  the  steps  and  sill,  and  finally  laid  on  a  low  bed, 
prepared  for  his  reception. 

Mrs.  Littleton  now  examined  her  brother's  wound,  and,  with 
the  help  of  her  humble  friend,  she  forced  the  leg  into  something 
like  a  natural  position,  and  then  splintered  and  bandaged  it,  to 
the  best  of  her  ability.  In  a  few  minutes  after  this,  John  Glen- 
ville  entered  the  cabin,  who,  on  learning  the  mournful  accident, 
instantly  remounted  and  hurried  to  Woodville. 

Dr.  Sylvan  was,  unfortunately,  not  at  home,  and  we  obtained 
only  one  of  his  students  ;  when  Glenville,  having  refreshed  him- 
self a  few  moments  with  us,  was,  attended  by  the  pupil,  quickly 
replunged  into  the  cold  and  darkness  of  a  now  tempestuous 
night  and  howling  wilderness  !  They  reached  the  cabin  a  short 
time  before  day-break  :  but  the  embryo  surgeon,  without  add- 
ing or  taking  from,  deemed  it  best  to  let  all  the  bandages  re- 
main as  Aunt  Kitty  had  bound  them!  And  so  poor  Uncle 
John,  after  lying  on  his  bed  for  seventy  wearisome  days  and 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  301 

nights,  rose  again  to  life  and  health — yet  not  to  his  former  shape 
and  activity ;  for  the  leg  had  shrunk  in  the  knitting  of  the  bone, 
and  his  right  side  was  two  inches  shorter  than  before  the  ac- 
cident. 

And  yet,  reader,  so  youthful  and  buoyant  the  spirit  of  this 
noble  old  gentleman,  that  he  and  I  hunted  often  together  after 
his  recovery — he  walking  with  a  crutch  in  one  hand,  and  a  heavy 
rifle  in  the  other !  But  so  gloomy  had  become  the  cabin-life  to 
the  old  folks,  where  death  might  easily  occur  from  the  ab- 
sence of  ordinary  help,  and  where,  perhaps,  Uncle  John's  de- 
formity might  have  been  lessened  by  prompt  medical  aid,  that 
our  tannery  was  sold,  and  our  relatives  removed  to  Woodville. 
Mr.  Glenville,  however,  chose  a  new  site  for  a  store  several 
miles  from  the  old  settlement,  which  then,  as  to  us,  ceased  to 
be — save  that  sacred  spot  reserved  in  the  sale,  and  where  rest, 
far  from  us,  scattered  as  we  are,  and  ever  in  this  life  shall  be, 
the  ashes  of  the  mother  ! 

Once,  and  but  once,  subsequent  to  this  desertion,  did  I  pass 
along  a  new  road  laid  through  that  settlement,  and  between  the 
two  cabins.  Around,  for  many  acres,  the  forest  was  no  more  ; 
but  corn  and  wheat  were  ripening  in  its  place.  A  new  brick 
house  stood  in  our  garden ;  and  the  cabin  was  changed  into  a 
stable.  And  yet,  while  all  the  changes  were  for  the  better,  and 
a  most  joyous  evening  was  smiling  on  the  coming  harvest — I 
sat  on  my  horse,  and  had  one  of  my  girlish  fits  of  tears  ! 

Yes  ! — I  cried  like  Homer's  heroes — and  that  in  spite  of  the 
critic  who,  running  over  the  book  to  make  an  article,  will  say, 
"  the  author,  tender-hearted  soul,  cries  again  towards  the  close 
of  year  the  third."  Yes ! — I  cried  !  And  since  that  summer's 
evening,  I  have  never  seen  my  first  forest-home  ;  for  I  purposely 
ever  after,  avoided  the  hateful  new  road  through  it,  and  that, 
too,  by  the  Indian  grave. 


302  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 


CHAPTER    XLII. 

FOURTH   YEAR. 
\ 

«'  Sit  mihi  fas  audita  loqui." 

"It  is  the  witness  still  of  excellency 
To  put  a  stranger  face  on  his  own  perfection." 

OUR  fourth  year  introduces  an  epoch,  the  Augustan  age  of 
the  New  Purchase — the  opening  of  the  State  College  ! 

And  now  comes  on  the  stage,  as  one  principal  actor,  my 
friend,  the  Reverend  Charles  Clarence,  A.M.,  Principal  and  Pro- 
fessor of  Ancient  Languages.  This  gentleman  had  accepted  our 
appointment,  not  for  the  paltry  stipend  paid  as  his  salary,  but 
wholly  because  he  longed  to  be  in  the  romantic  West,  and 
among  its  earliest  literary  pioneers ;  and  hence,  early  this 
spring,  he  was  with  us,  and  not  merely  ready,  but  even  enthu- 
siastically impatient  to  commence  his  labours. 

His  wife  was  with  him — the  woman  of  his  seven  years'  love  ! 
They  had  tasted,  however,  the  wormwood  of  affliction's  cup, 
and  even  now  wore  the  badges  of  recent  bereavements.  Mr. 
Clarence,  leaving  his  wife  and  two  little  children,  went  to  the 
south  again  on  business  ;  and  after  an  absence  of  four  months, 
on  returning  to  his  boarding-house  in  Philadelphia,  he  was  sur- 
prised at  hearing  and  seeing  no  signs  of  his  babes.  His  wife, 
instead  of  answering  in  words  his  eager  questions,  suddenly 
threw  her  arms  about  his  neck,  and  bursting  into  an  agony  of 
tears,  exclaimed — "  Both  are  dead! — come  into  our  room — I'll 
tell  you  all !" 

Here  was  a  sad  waking  from  day-dreaming  !  and  Clarence 
was  with  us,  having  altered  views  of  life,  and  seeing  that  we 
have  something  to  do  in  it,  besides  to  amuse  or  be  amused. 
Happy  chastisement  our  friend  afterwards  deemed  it,  when  en- 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  303 

countering  sore  disappointments  and  many,  in  his  professional 
career  :  ay !  he  was  destined  to  endure  the  utter  crushing  of  all 
his  high  hopes  and  purposes.  For,  if  ever  man  was  influenced 
by  disinterested  motives,  and  fired  with  enthusiasm  for  advan- 
cing solid  learning — if  ever  one  desirous  of  seeing  western  in- 
stitutions rival,  if  not  excel,  others — if  ever  a  person  came  wil- 
ling to  live  and  die  with  us,  and  to  sacrifice  eastern  tastes  and 
prejudices,  and  become,  in  every  proper  way,  a  Western  Man, 
my  friend  Clarence  was  he. 

Much  more  could  we  say,  if  the  modesty  of  my  friend  per- 
mitted ;  but  he  affirms  positively  that  he  will  not  edit  the  book 
if  I  do  not  stop  here. 

Be  it  remembered,  that  Uncle  Sam  is  an  undoubted  friend  of 
public  education,  and  that,  although  so  sadly  deficient  in  his  own  ; 
and  hence,  in  the  liberal  distribution  of  other  folks'  land,  he  be- 
stowed on  us  several  entire  townships  for  a  college  or  university. 
It  was,  therefore,  democratically  believed,  and  loudly  insisted 
on,  that  as  the  State  had  freely  received,  it  should  freely  give; 
and  that  "  larnin,  even  the  most  powerfullest  highest  larnin," 
should  at  once  be  bestowed  on  every  body !  and  without  a 
farthing's  expense !  Indeed,  some  gravely  said  and  argued  that 
teachers  and  professors  in  the  "  people's  college  ought  to  sarve 
for  the  honour !"  or  at  least  be  content  with  "  a  dollar  a  day, 
which  was  more  nor  double  what  a  feller  got  for  mauling  rails  !" 
The  popular  wrath,  therefore,  was  at  once  excited  almost  to 
fury  when  necessity  compelled  us  to  fix  our  tuition  fee  at  ten 
dollars  a  year ;  and  the  greatest  indignation  was  felt  and  ex- 
pressed towards  Clarence  "  as  the  feller  what  tuk  hire  for  teach- 
ing and  preaching,  and  was  gettin  to  be  a  big-bug  on  the  poor 
people's  edicashin  money." 

Be  it  recollected  too,  that  both  big  and  little  colleges  were 
erected  by  persons  who,  with  reverence  be  it  spoken,  in  all  mat- 
ters pertaining  to  "  high  larnin,"  had  not  sufficient  discrimina- 
tion to  know  the  second  letter  of  an  alphabet  from  a  buffalo's 
foot.  Nothing,  we  incline  to  believe,  can  ever  make  State 
schools  and  colleges  very  good  ones;  but  nothing  can  make 
them  so  bad,  we  repeat,  as  for  Uncle  Sam  to  leave  every  point 


304  THE     NEW    PURCHASE. 

open  to  debate,  especially  among  ignorant,  prejudiced,  and 
selfish  folks  in  a  New  Purchase.  For  while  trustees  may  be 
ninnies,  nincompoops,  or  even  ninnyhammers  as  to  proper  plans 
and  buildings,  yet  are  such  when  masons,  bricklayers  and  car- 
penters, keen-sighted  enough  to  secure  the  building  contracts  for 
themselves  and  their  friends,  and  curiously  exorbitant  in  their 
demands  on  the  sub-treasurer's  for  their  silly  work.  The  mean- 
looking  and  ridiculous  arrangements  at  Woodville  cost  as  much, 
perhaps  more,  than  suitable  things  would  have  cost ;  so  that 
when  a  college  is  to  be  commenced,  it  ought  to  be  done,  not 
only  by  honest  but  by  wise,  learned,  classical  men ;  but  as  such 
are  not  abundant  in  very  new  settlements,  let  such  men  at 
Washington — and  such  are  at  Uncle  Sam's  bureau — let  them 
prescribe  when,  and  how,  and  where,  our  new  western  institu- 
tions are  to  be ;  and  if  rebellious  democrats  refuse  the  gift 
so  encumbered,  let  it  be  given  to  more  modest  and  quiet 
democrats. 

Proceed  we,  however,  to  open  the  college.  And  my  narration 
may  be  depended  on,  as  Clarence  has  reviewed  the  whole  and 
says  it  is  substantially  correct, — indeed,  in  some  respect  I  was  a 
quorum-pars. 

The  institution  was  opened  the  first  day  of  May,  at  9£ 
o'clock,  A.  M.,  anno  Domini  1800,  and  so  forth.  And,  some 
floors  being  unlaid,  and  the  sashes  all  being  without  glass,  the 
opening  was  as  complete  as  possible — nearly  like  that  of  an 
Irish  hedge  school !  When  the  Principal — so  named  in  our 
minutes  and  papers,  but  by  the  vulgar  called  master,  and  by  the 
middle  sort,  teacher — appeared,  a  clever  sprinkle  of  boy  was  in 
waiting;  most  of  which  firmly  believed  that,  by  some  magic 
art,  our  hero  could,  and  being  paid  by  government,  should,  and 
without  putting  any  body  to  the  expense  of  books  and  imple- 
ments, touch  and  transmute  all,  and  in  less  than  no  time,  into 
great  scholars. 

"  Boys  and  young  gentlemen,"  said  Mr.  C.  compounding  the 
styles  of  a  pedagogue  and  professor,  "  i  am  happy  to  see  you ; 
and  we  are  now  about  to  commence  our  State  College,  or,  as 
some  call  it,  the  Seminary.  I  hope  all  feel  what  an  honour  at- 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  o05 

tends  being  the  first  students  in  an  institution  so  well  endowed ; 
and  which,  therefore,  by  proper  exertions  on  our  parts,  may 
eventually  rise  to  the  level  of  eastern  colleges,  and  become 
a  blessing  to  our  State  and  country.  You  have  all,  I  sup- 
pose, procured  the  necessary  books,  of  which  notice  was 
given  at  meeting,  and  in  several  other  ways,  for  the  last  four 
weeks." 

"  I've  got  'em—" 

"Me  too— " 

"  I've  brung  most  on  'em — " 

"Master — Uncle  Billy's  to  fetch  mine  out  in  his  wagin  about 
Monday  next — " 

"  Father  says  he  couldn't  mind  the  names  and  wants  them  on 
a  paper — " 

"  Books ! — I  never  heern  tell  of  any  books — wont  these  here 
ones  do,  Master  ? — this  here's  the  Western  Spellin  one — and 
this  one's  the  Western  Kalkelatur  T 

"  Mr.  Clarinse — I  fotch'd  my  copy-book  and  a  bottle  of  red 
ink  to  sit  down  siferin  in — and  daddy  wants  me  to  larn  book- 
keepin  and  surveying." 

"  Order  boys — order !" — hem ! — "  let  all.  take  seats  in  front. 
There  is  a  misunderstanding  with  some,  both  as  to  the  books 
and  the  whole  design  and  plan  of  the  school,  I  perceive.  This 
is  a  Classical  and  Mathematical  School ;  and  that  fact  is  stated 
and  fully  explained  in  the  trustees'  public  advertisements ;  and 
no  person  can  be  admitted  unless  one  intending  to  enter  upon 
and  pursue  the  prescribed  course ;  and  that  includes  even  at  the 
start  Latin,  Greek,  and  Algebra.  Now,  first,  let  us  see  who  are 
.to  study  the  dead  languages — " 

"  I  do — I  do — me  too — me  too,"  etc.,  etc. 

"Do  you,  then  sit  there.  Well — now  let  me  have  your 
names  for  the  roll — A.  Berry — S.  Smith — C.  D.,  etc.,  etc. — ten 
names — I  will  attend  to  you  ten  directly,  so  soon  as  I  have  dis- 
missed the  others.  I  regret,  my  young  friends,  that  you  are 
disappointed— but  I  am  only  doing  my  duty;  indeed,  if  I 
wished,  I  have  no  power  to  admit  you,  unless  to  the  course  of 
studies— nay,  even  the  trustees  have  power  to  do  only  what 


306  THE    NEW    PURCHASE. 

they  have  done.  I  hope,  therefore,  you  will  now  go  home,  and 
explain  the  matter  to  your  friends " 

By  several — 

"  Daddy  says  he  doesn't  see  no  sort  a  use  in  the  high  larn'd 
things — and  he  wants  me  to  larn  Inglish  only,  and  book-keepin, 
and  surveying,  so  as  to  tend  store  and  run  a  line." 

"  I  allow,  Mister,  we've  near  on  about  as  good  a  right  to  be 
larn'd  what  we  wants,  as  them  tother  fellers  on  that  bench ; — 
it's  a  free  school  for  all." 

"  I  am  sorry,  boys,  for  this  misunderstanding ;  but  we  cannot 
argue  the  subject  here.  And  yet  every  one  must  see  one  matter 
plainly ;  for  instance,  any  man  has  a  right  to  be  governor,  or 
judge  or  congressman  ;  yet  none  of  you  can  be  elected  before 
the  legal  age,  and  before  having  some  other  qualifications.  It  is 
so  here,  you  all  have  a  right  to  what  we  have  to  bestow ;  but 
you  must  be  *  qualified '  to  enter;  and  must  be  content  to  re- 
ceive the  gift  of  the  State  in  the  way  the  law  provides  and 
orders.  You  will  please  go  home  now." 

The  disappointed  youngsters  accordingly  withdrew ;  and  with 
no  greater  rudeness  than  was  to  be  expected  from  undisciplined 
chaps,  full  of  false  notions  of  rights,  and  possessed  by  a  wild 
spirit  of  independence.  Hence,  Mr.  C.  heard  some  very  flat- 
tering sentiments  growled  at  him  by  the  retiring  young  demo- 
crats ;  but  which,  when  they  had  fairly  reached  the  entry,  were 
bawled  and  shouted  out  frankly  and  fearlessly.  And  naturally 
after  this  he  was  honoured  with  some  high  sounding  epithets  by 
certain  hypocritical  demagogues  in  rabblerousing  speeches — 
sneaking  gentlemen,  who  aimed  to  get  office  and  power  by  end- 
less slanders  on  the  college,  and  most  pitiful  and  malicious  slang 
about  "  liberty  and  equality,  and  rights  and  tyranny,  and  big- 
bugs,  and  poor  people,  and  popular  education,"  and  the  like. 

Certain  small-potatoe-patriots  publicly  on  the  stump  avowed 
"  it  was  a  right  smart  chance  better  to-  have  no  college  no  how, 
if  all  folks  hadn't  equal  right  to  larn  what  they  most  liked  best." 
And  two  second-rate  pettifoggers  electioneered  on  this  principle ; 
"  that  it  was  most  consistent  with  the  republicanism  taught  by 
the  immortal  Jefferson,  and  with  the  genius  of  our  institutions, 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  307 

* 

to  use  the  college  funds  to  establish  common  schools  for  rich 
and  poor  alike,  and  make  the  blessings  of  education  like  air,  sun- 
shine, and  water !" 

Clarence,  therefore,  was  now  hated  and  villified  as  the  sup- 
posed instrument  of  pride  and  aristocracy,  in  drawing  a  line 
between  rich  and  poor ;  and  for  a  while  his  person,  his  family, 
his  very  house  was  abominated.  On  one  occasion  he  was  in 
Woodville  when  a  half-drunken  brute  thus  halloed  against  him — 
"  thare  goes  that  high  larn'd  bug  what  gits  nine  hundred  and 
ninety-nine  dollars  and  ninety -nine  cents  of  the  people's  eddeka- 
shin  money  for  larnin  ristekrats'  sons  high-flown  words — girnme 
that  'are  stone  and  I'll  do  for  him."  Whether  this  was  fun  or 
earnest,  Clarence  did  not  care  to  ascertain ;  for  hearing  the 
sneers  and  derision  of  the  bystanders,  and  fearing  it  might  be- 
come earnest,  he  took  shelter  in  my  store. 

At  another  time  walking  with  Professor  Harwood  in  the  out- 
skirts of  the  village,  they  heard  a  cry  in  their  rear — "  knock  'em 
down" — when  suddenly  turning,  there  stood  a  stout  chap  flour- 
ishing a  bludgeon  over  their  heads,  evidently,  indeed,  in  a  sort 
of  fun,  but  which  was,  however,  an  index  of  the  popular  ill-will 
and  spite. 

When  persons  rode  by  his  dwelling,  remarks  like  the  follow- 
ing would  be  shouted  forth  : — 

"  Well — thar's  whar  the  grammur  man  lives  that  larns  'em 
Latin  and  grand-like  things — allow  we'll  oust  him  yet — he 
dosen't  own  little  college  any  how;  he's  poor  as  Job's  turkey, 
if  it  want  for  that  powerful  sallury  the  trustees  give  him." 

Clarence's  salary  was  four  hundred  dollars  per  annum. 
'  "  Well,"  bawled  out  one  fellow — "  dog  my  hide  if  that  ain't 
the  furst  time  I  ever  seed  that  big  man's  door  open  ! — hem ! — 
powerful  fine  carpet  ! — (a  beautiful  rag  carpet  made  by  Mrs. 
C.) — allow  people's  eddekashin  money  bought  that !" 

Even  Mr.  C.'s  gratuitous  preaching  could  not  secure  him 
from  ill-natured  remarks.  "  Well,"  said  an  occasional  hearer  to 
another,  once — "how  do  y'like  that  sort  a  preachin  f  "  Foo  !" 
was  the  reply,  "  I  don't  want  no  more  sich  !  I  like  a  man  that 
kin  jist  read,  and  then  I  know  it  comes  from  the  sperit !  he  tuk 


308  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

out  his  goold  watch  twice  to  show  it,  and  was  so  d d  proud 

he  wouldn't  kneel  down  to  pray  /" 

But  the  reader  may  wish  to  know  how  Mr.  Clarence  got  along 
with  "  the  Few."  Well,  as  the  warm  weather  approached,  the 
"  boys  and  young  gentlemen"  came  to  recitation  without  coats  ; 
and,  as  the  thermometer  arose,  they  came  without  shoes 

"  What !  in  the  State  college  ?  Could  your  Mr.  Clarence  not 
have  things  ordered  with  more  decency  ?" 

Softly,  Mr.  Dignity — in  a  world  where  our  presiding  judge, 
a  man  of  worth  and  great  abilities,  sat  in  court  without  his  coat 
and  cravat,  and  with  his  feet  modestly  reposed  on  the  upper 
rostrum,  thus  showing  his  boot-soles  to  by-stand ers  and  law- 
yers ;  where  lawyers  were  stripped  and  in  shirt-sleeves ;  and 
where  even  Governor  Sunbeam,  in  a  stump  speech,  gave  blast 
to  his  nose  pinched  between  a  thumb  and  finger,  and  wiped 
said  pinchers  afterwards  on  the  hinder  regions  of  his  inexpres- 
sibles ;  do  you,  sir,  think  our  Mr.  C.,  or  all  eastern  dignitaries 
combined,  could  have  compelled  young  bushwhackers  to  wear 
coats  and  shoes  in  recitation  rooms  ?  He  indeed  ventured  once 
as  follows : — 

"  Young  gentlemen" — (hem  !) — "  why  do  you  attend  recita- 
tions without  coats  and  shoes  ?" 

"  'Tis  cooler,  sir  !"  with  surprise. 

"  Ay  !  so  it  is — perhaps  it  would  be  still  cooler  if  you  came 
without  jour  pantaloons." 

Haw  !  haw  ! — by  the  whole  ten. 

"  And  did  they,  Mr.  Carlton,  come  without  their  indispensa- 
bles  r 

Oh !  dear  me !  no ;  on  the  contrary,  the  young  gentlemen 
were  so  tickled  at  our  professor's  pleasant  hint  direct,  that  next 
day  they  not  only  came  in  their  breeches,  but  also  with  shoes 
and  coats  on ! 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 


CHAPTER    XLIII. 

"This  is  some  fellow 

Who,  having  been  praised  for  bluntness,  doth  affect 
A  saucy  roughness." 

"  What  would  you  have,  you  curs  ?" 

THE  nature  of  our  favourite  doctrine — the  sovereignty  of  the 
people — is  but  imperfectly  understood  from  theory  ;  and,  truly, 
what  importance  to  the  vast  majority  to  be  called  kings,  unless 
opportunities  are  afforded  to  exercise  the  royal  prerogatives  1 

True,  in  the  constitutions  of  the  twenty -six  States,  are  paper 
models  of  republican  governments,  the  purest  in  nature ;  such 
as  the  monarchical-republic,  the  oligarchic,  the  aristocratic,  the 
federal,  the  democratic,  ay,  the  cheatitive  or  repudiative,  the 
despotic,  the  mobocratic,  the  anarchic :  but  what  of  all  this,  if 
the  citizen  kings  cannot  be  indulged  _m  a  little  visible,  tangible, 
audible,  law-making,  law-judging  and  law-executing  1 

Now,  in  the  New  Purchase,  the  people  universal,  the  people 
general,  the  people  special,  of  every  county,  town  and  village, 
of  every  sect,  religious  and  irreligious,  of  every  party,  political, 
impolitical,  and  non-political,  were  indulged  in  bona  fide  acts  of 
real  rity-dity  sovereignty.  The  fact  is,  we  did  nothing  else  than 
rule  one  another;  and  none  ever  even  obeyed  for  fear  of  disobey- 
ing; and  hence  our  public  servants — and  we  kept  them  sweating 
— being  distracted  by  opposite  instructions  from  different  consti- 
tuents— for  candidates  with  us  only  carried  up  votes,  wishes, 
3tc. — from  Thomas  and  Richard  and  Henry  and  Squire  Rag  and 
Major  Tagg  and  Mister  Bobtail,  and  being  imperiously  ordered 
to  rob  Peter  to  pay  Paul,  our  public  servants,  poor  knaves  and 
honest  rascals,  would  not  obey,  simply  out  of  reverence  and  for 
fear  of  offending  and  hurting  our  feelings ! 

Here  follows  a  specimen  of  the  people  ruling  the  college  and 
the  college  ruling  the  people. 


310  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

We,  the  people  of  the  Trustees,  for  the  good  of  the  people 
general,  did  resolve  this  autumn  to  elect  a  Professor  of  Mathe- 
matics and  advertised  accordingly.  This  of  itself  enraged  the 
people  who  set  no  value  on  learning,  and  deemed  one  small 
salary  a  waste  of  the  poor  people's  education  money ;  but  when 
rumour  declared  we  intended  to  elect  a  man  nominally  a  Rat — 
(nickname  for  a  religious  sect  in  the  Purchase,  and  Mr.  Clarence 
being  also  a  Rat) — the  wrath  was  roused  of  the  people,  re- 
ligious and  irreligious,  of  all  other  sects.  This,  indeed,  was 
confined  to  Woodville  ;  for  from  the  very  first,  we.  the  people 
of  Woodville  and  thereabouts,  did  kindly  adopt  the  State  Col- 
lege as  ours ;  and  we,  therefore,  claimed  the  sole  right  of 
superintending  the  Legislature,  the  Board  of  Visitors,  the  Board 
of  Trustees,  the  Faculty,  proper  and  improper,  the  Students, 
foreign  and  domestic,  the  Funds,  the  Buildings — the  every- 
thing ;  and  for  some  time  we  ordered  and  regulated,  and  turned 
in  and  out  most  despotically. 

Well,  the  people  having  united  the  peoples  in  a  fixed  pur- 
pose, viz. — to  keep  out  a  Rat,  but  not  having  united  them  in 
any  purpose  of  putting  in  anybody  else,  the  people,  now  sove- 
reign and  of  many  kings,  "held  a  meeting  up  town  in  the  court- 
house yard ;  while  we,  the  trustee-people  and  sovereigns  of 
another  sort,  were  holding  our  meeting  to  elect  a  professor  in 
the  prayer-hall  of  Big  College ;  and  then  the  People's-people, 
formed  under  the  command  of  Brigadier  Major  General  Jacobus, 
Esq.,  Clerk  of  Court,  Chief  Librarian  of  Woodville  Library, 
and  Deputy  Post  Master  under  his  late  Majesty,  General 
Andrew  Jackson,  marched  down  in  a  formidable  battalion  to 
give  us  our  orders. 

This  grand  dignitary  of  so  many  tails,  just  named,  was  most 
fit  head  to  the  fit  body  he  conducted.  He  was  no  inconsidera- 
ble a  people  himself,  being  very  fat  and  very  saucy  ;  nay,  as  in 
warm  weather  he  always  appeared  without  coat,  vest,  cravat, 
and  usually  with  slouched  hat,  shoes  down  at  heel  on  stocking- 
less  feet,  and  one  "  gallus"  hard  strained  to  keep  up  his  greasy 
and  raggy  breeches  ;  and  as  in  this  costume  he  strutted  every- 
where full  of  swagger  and  brag,  he  was  then  the  best  living  and 


THE 


*NEW     PURCHASE.  311 


embodied  personification  of  a  mistaken,  conceited,  meddlesome, 
pragmatical  people  anywhere  to  be  found.  He  flourished  in 
that  grand  era,  rotation  in  office ;  but  by  him  it  was  interpreted 
a  rotation  out  of  one  public  office  into  another — yea !  even  now 
he  actually  sustained  at  once  seven  salaried  offices  little  and  big 
— yea  !  moreover  to  these  seven  tails  he  added  and  very  com- 
monly exhibited  another — the  tail  of  his  shirt!  Now,  one  may 
conceive  how  our  great  father  of  one  or  more  terms  looks  ;  one 
can  even  imagine  how  Uncle  Sam  looks ;  but  who  forms  ap- 
proximating conceptions  of  that  proteus  sovereign — the  People ! 
Believe  me,  his  rowdy  majesty,  General  Jacobus,  is  as  near  a 
likeness,  in  many  essential  respects,  as  can  be  obtained — but 
this  is  digression. 

Our  honourable  Trustees  were,  as  usual,  sitting  with  open 
doors,  and  hence  were,  as  heretofore,  accommodated  with  nume- 
rous lobby  members ;  and  these  kept  muttering  discontent  at 
our  doings,  and  often  volunteered  remarks  in  a  play-house  whis- 
per for  our  correction  and  guidance.  Dr.  Sylvan,  however, 
who  anticipated  a  storm,  had  contrived  to  put  the  vote  for  Mr. 
Harwood's  election,  a  little  prior  to  the  first  faint  noise  of  the 
coming  cataract  of  turbid  waters,  and  had  succeeded  in  securing 
this  gentleman's  unanimous  choice — when  a  considerable  hur- 
rahing outside  announced  the  People's-people — and  in  a  moment 
after,  in  swaggered  his  greasy  royalty,  General  Jacobus,  fol- 
lowed by  as  much  of  the  ultimate  sovereignty  as  could  squeeze 
into  the  room.  And  then  King  Slouch  commenced  as  follows  : 

"  Mr.  President  and  gentlemen  of  the  Board  ! — hem  ! — I 
have  the  honour  to  be  the  orgun  of  the  people — hem  ! — and  by 
their  orders  I've  come  in  here,  to  forbid  the  election  of  Mr. 
Harwood  of  Kaintucky,  as  our  Professur  of  Mathematucs — 
hem! — in  the  people's  collidge — he-e-em!  You'r  all  servunts 
of  the  people  and  hain't  the  right  no  how  to  give  away  their 
edicashion  money  without  thar  consent — I  say — hem ! — as  all  is 
not  admitted  to  these  here  Jg|jis  of  science — he-e-em  !  And  the 
people  in  the  inbred,  incohesivl%jse  of  thar  indefessibul  native 
rights,  order  me  thar  orgun  to  say  they  don't  want  two  teachers 
of  the  same  religion  no  how — and  I  say  it — and  I  say,  Mr.  Pre- 


312  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

sident,  they  say  it's  better  to  have  them  of  different  creeds,  and 
I  say  that  too — for  they  say  they'll  watch  one  another  and  not 
turn  the  students  to  thar  religion  and — hem  !  Yes,  the  people 
in  their  plenitude  have  rnet,  and  they  say  they  don't  want  no 
church  and  state — and  I  say  it ;  for  thar's  a  powerful  heap  of 
danger  to  let  one  sect  have  all  the  power — and  I  call  on  this 
board  to  let  their  historic  recollections  be — be — recollected — 
and  wasn't  thar  John  Calvin,  the  moment  he  got  the  power, 
didn't  he  burn  poor  Mikul  Servetis  at  the  stake — and — and — 
so  ain't  it  plain  if  two  men  here  git  all  the  power  thar's  a  be- 
ginning of  church  and  state,  as  that  immortal  Jefferson  says  ? 
And  who  knows  if  you  and  me  and  the  people  here  mayn't  be 
tortered  and  burn'd  yet  in  a  conflagaration  of  fagguts  and  fire  1 
Who  then  with  this  probability " 

Here  Dr.  Sylvan,  our  worthy  President,  interrupted  the 
speaker,  the  doctor  being  now  only  recovered  from  his  sur- 
prise ;  for,  veteran  as  he  was  in  politics,  and  often  as  he  had 
known  the  people  essay  small  overt  acts  of  sovereignty,  this 
affair  was  no  novel  and  so  grandly  impudent,  that  it  took  him 
the  first  half  of  the  harangue  to  collect  himself,  and  the  other 
to  concoct  the  following  judicious  compound  of  decision,  sar- 
casm and  blarney : 

"  It  is  with  regret,  General  Jacobus  and  my  respected  fellow- 
citizens,  I  interrupt  the  eloquent  utterance  of  sentiments  so 
patriotic  and  so  well  adapted  to  excite  our  disgust  and  horror 
at  a  union  of  Church  and  State ;  but  in  the  present  case,  I  do 
really  believe  the  danger  is  not  to  be  apprehended.  In  the  first 
place,  we  all  know  the  liberal  sentiments  of  Professor  Clarence 
towards  all  religious  bodies ;  and  in  the  second  place,  the  gen- 
tleman just  elected  by  us  before  the  entrance  of  your  honour- 
able body  and  organ,  is  not  known  to  be  a  member  of  any 
communion ;  and  lastly,  we  Trustees  are  of  six  different  de- 
nominations ourselves,  and  therefore,  as  we  put  in  we  can  also 
put  out,  the  instant  danger  is  found  to  threaten  the  State  from 
our  present  course.  And,  fellow-citizens,  we  shall,  I  am  confi- 
dent, be  quite  Argus-eyed  over  our  faculty — but  at  all  events 
we  have  gone  too  far  to  retrace  our  steps ;  for  Mr.  Harwood  is 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  313 

legally  appointed,  and  for  what  we  deemed  good  reasons.  And 
surely  no  American  citizen  in  this  glorious  land  of  equal  rights 
and  blood-bought  liberties,  where  the  meanest  felon  has  a  trial 
by  jury,  will  contend  that  an  honourable  and  unoffending  man 
of  another  State — the  noble  old  Kentucky — should  be  turned 
out  of  office — and  no  accusation  against  his  competency  and 
moral  character?  Backwoodsmen  don't  ask  that! — and  they 
don't  think  of  it.  Had  this  honourable  representation  come 
fifteen  minutes  sooner,  something  might  have  been  done  or  pre- 
vented— for  we  are  indeed  servants  of  the  people — but  Mr. 
Harwood  ought  now  to  have  time  to  show  himself,  and  cannot 
be  degraded  without  an  impeachment.  And  who  is  ready  to 
impeach  a,  Ken  tuck  tan  because.  John  Calvin  or  John  Anybody 
else  burnt  Servetus  a  hundred  years  ago  ? — and  that,  when  it 
is  not  even  known  whether  Mr.  Harwood  himself  might  not 
have  been  roasted  in  the  days  of  persecution  for  some  heresy 
mathematical  or  religious !  Fellow-citizens,  our  meeting  is 
adjourned." 

Our  venerable  Congress  at  Washington  sometimes  gets  into 
a  row,  and  even  breaks  up  in  a  riot.  And  why  should  it  not 
be  so,  when  many  conscript  fathers  have  practised  bullyism 
from  early  life,  and  have  only  gone  to  the  great  conservative 
assembly  to  do,  on  a  large  scale,  dirty  things  often  done  before 
on  a  small  one  1  Or  why,  on  the  other  hand,  if  the  reverend 
young  fathers  there  set  us,  the  people,  the  example,  should  any 
person  affect  to  wonder  that  we  sometimes  imitate  our  law- 
givers 1  Whether  we,  the  New  Purchase  people,  set  or  fol- 
lowed the  example,  need  not  be  determined ;  but  we  certainly 
adjourned  to-day  in  a  grand  kick-up ;  which,  if  described,  must 
be  in  the  pell-mell  style  of  history. 

At  the  word  "adjourned,"  ending  Doctor  Sylvan's  speech, 
came  a  violent  and  simultaneous  rush ;  some  pushing  towards 
the  door,  to  get  out — some  from  without  into  the  door,  to  get 
in — and  some  towards  the  clerk's  seat,  to  seize  and  destroy  the 
record :  but  that  wary  officer,  at  the  same  word  just  named, 
had  quietly  slipped  the  sacred  record  into  his  breeches'  pocket, 
the  minutes  being  only  recorded  with  a  lead  pencil  on  a  quarter 
14 


314  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

sheet  of  cap  paper.  Then  corrnnenced  a  hell-a-below,  loud 
enough  at  first,  but  which,  like  a  Latin  Inceptive,  still  went  on 
and  tended  to  perfection ;  being  an  explosion  commingled  of 
growl,  curse,  hurrah,  hiss,  stamp,  and  clap ;  and  then  and  there 
and  all  through  the  "  mass  meeting,"  were  Brigadier  Major 
General  Jacobus,  and  our  people  and  the  people's  people  and 
other  people,  all  huddled  and  crowded  and  mixed,  and  all  and 
every  one  and  each  were  and  was  explaining,  demanding,  deny- 
ing, do-telling,  and  wanting  to  know,  somewhat  thus : 

"  Hurrah  for  Harwood  !  — rot  him  and  Clarinse  too — ain't 
the  money  our'n,  that's  what  I  want  to  know]  I  say,  Doctor, 
remember  next  'lection  ! — that's  the  pint — you  lie,  by  the  lord 
Harry  ! — let  me  out,  blast  your  eyes ! — it  aint — it  'tis — let  us 
in,  won't  you? — do  tell — General  Jacobus  ought  to  have  his 
nose  pulled — he  didn't  burn  him — don't  tell  me — pull  it  if  you 
dare — he  burnt  hisself — go  to  the  devil — no  patchin'  to  him — 
powerful  quick  on  the  trigger — Calvin — get  up  petition  to  legis- 
lature— rats — didn't  I  say  we  ought  to  get  down  sooner1? — 
faggots — Harwood  aint — gunpowder — darn'd  clever  fellow — 
Servetus — hurrah  for  hichcechoc! — let's  out — give  'em  more 
money — let's  in — is  the  board  to  be  forced  1 — get  out  o'  my 
way — fair  trial — don't  blast — answer  that — I  know  better — 
'taint — 'tis — hold  your  jaw — whoo  ! — shoo  ! — hiss — hinyow — 
bowwow — rumble — grumble — Sylvan — Clarinse — Jacobus — 
Harwood,  Servetus" — etc.,  etc.,  and  away  rolled  majesty,  till 
the  noise  in  the  distance  was  like  the  grum  mutter  of  retiring 
thunder ! 

"  How  awful  yonder  emerged  He-Duck, 
As  he  ponderous  rolls  in  mighty  waddle, 
From  the  deep  shallows  come  of  Tadpole  Pond 
Frog-spewed  and  muddy  I" 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  315 


CHAPTER    XLIV. 

"We  still  have  slept  together, 
Bose  at  an  instant,  learn'd,  play'd,  eat  together." 
******* 

« are  not  these  woods 

More  free  from  peril  than  the  envious  court  ?" 

READER  ! 

"  Well,  what  now  ?" 

Will  you  go  with  us  1  Come,  surely  Tippecanoe  will  arouse 
you — 

"  But,  Mr.  Carlton,  only  think  of  the  mud." 

Yes,  dear  reader,  but  only  think  of  the  girls. 

«  Girls  !"— 

Yes,  and  very  pretty  and  intelligent  ones  too — real  lady 
Hoosierinas — 

"Are  you  in  earnest?     Who  are  they1?" 

The  young  ladies  of  Miss  Emily  Glenville's  Woodville  Fe- 
male Institute. 

"  Oh  ! — aye  ! — I  had  forgot  your  school — what  then  1" 

Why,  it  is  our  vacation,  and  myself  with  one  or  two  other 
gentlemen  are  going  to  escort  the  girls  home.  Seven  of  the 
pupils  belong  to  wealthy  and  respectable  families  in  the  north, 
and  one  or  two  live  very  near  to  Tippecanoe. 

"  Heigho ! — out  of  compliment  to  the  ladies  we  go ;  but  how 
long  will  you  be  yet  1" 

Oh,  we  shall  get  through  after  a  while.  "No  lane,"  you 
know,  etc.  Of  course,  then,  you  consent. 

Well,  our  party  consisted  of  eleven  persons — the  seven  girls, 
the  father  and  brother  of  one  girl,  and  myself  and  young  Mr. 
Frank,  of  Woodville,  who,  like  myself,  wished  to  see  the  world. 
To  carry  us  were  precisely  ten  horses  and  a  half;  the  fractional 
creature  being  a  dwarf  pony,  an  article  or  noun,  which  young 
B k,  the  brother,  rode,  like  a  velocipede,  and  which,  by 


316  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

pressing  the  toes  of  boots  against  hard  and  hilly  places  in  the 
path,  could  be  aided  by  pushing.  And  thus,  also,  the  rider 
could  a  sorter  stand  and  go,  like  wheels  in  motion,  at  once ;  and 
all  that  would  greatly  relieve  the  tedium  of  monotonous  riding. 
The  special  use  of  the  pony  was  manifested  in  fording  mud- 
holes,  quicksands,  quagmires,  marshes,  high  waters,  and  the 
like.  In  vain  did  the  rider  pull  up  his  limbs ;  in  vain  shrink 
away  up  towards  the  centre  of  his  saddle — up  followed  the 
cream-coloured  mud  in  beech  swamps,  the  black  mud  and  water 
in  bayous,  the  black  mud  itself  in  walnut  and  sugar  lands,  or 
the  muddy  water  in  turbid  creeks  and  rivers,  while  the  rider 
became  deeply  interested  in  the  circulating  medium. 

How  I  do  wish  you  could  have  seen  us  set  out !  Dear,  oh 
dear !  the  scampering,  and  tearing,  and  winnowing,  and  kicking 
up,  and -cocking  of  ears,  as  the  quadrupeds  were  "being"  rid  up 
to  the  rack  !  and  then  the  clapping  on  of  horse-blankets  and 
saddles — male  and  female — croopers,  and  circingles  and  bridles, 
— double  and  single  ! — What  a  drawing  of  girths !  What  a 
fixing,  and  unfixing  and  refixing  of  saddle-bags !  What  a 
hanging  of  "  fixins"  themselves,  done  up  in  red  handkerchiefs, 
on  the  horns  of  the  gentler  sex  saddles  !  And  then  the  girls — 
like  the  barbarians  in  Caesar's  Commentaries  in  one  battle — they 
seemed  to  be  every  where  at  once — up  stairs,  down  stairs,  on 
the  stairs,  in  the  closet  under  the  stairs  !  They  were  in  the 
house,  out  of  the  house,  in  the  yard,  at  the  door,  by  the  horses ! 
And  oh,  how  they  did  ask  questions  and  get  answers.  "  Where's 
my  shawl  ]"  "  Is  this  it  ?"  "  Did  nobody  see  my  basket  ?" 
"  I  didn't."  "  Who's  got  my  album  ?"  "  Mr.  Frank."  "  Will 
some  body  fasten  my  fixens  V  "  He  ain't  here."  "  Won't 
nobody  carry  this  ?"  and  so  on  through  all  the  bodies. 

The  animals  were  now  all  harnessed  ;  the  bustle  had  sub- 
sided, and  all  had  come  to  that  silent  state  when  no  more  ques- 
tions can  be  asked,  but  all  are  waiting  for  some  one  to  begin 
the — farewell.  And  then  came  that  sad  word,  amid  gushing 
tears — 'mid  sobs  and  kisses — for  with  some  "  the  schooling"  was 
finished  :  and  "  who  could  tell  whether  ever  more  should  meet" 
those  sprightly,  happy,  sweet  companions  ! 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  317 

But  soon  followed  the  uproar  of  mounting ;  and  with  that 
seemed  to  pass  all  sorrow;  and  yet  so  painful  had  been  the 
last  few  moments,  that  an  excuse  was  needed  for  saying  and 
doing  something  lively.  Of  course  we  all  said  a  great  many 
smart  things,  or  what  passed  for  such,  in  the  way  of  compli- 
ment, raillery  and  repartee ;  and  we  guessed,  and  reckoned, 
and  allowed,  and  foretold  the  most  contrary  matters  about  the 
weather,  and  the  roads,  and  the  waters,  and  even  about  our 
fates  through  the  whole  of  our  coming  lives.  In  the  meanwhile 
horse  after  horse  was  paraded  towards  the  block,  each  receiving 
extra  jerks,  and  some  handsome  slaps  and  kicks  on  the  off 
flank,  to  make  him  wheel  into  position  ;  when  next  moment 
away  he  scampered  with  a  side-way-rider,  in  trot,  shuffle,  pace, 
or  canter,  according  to  his  fancy,  till  all  the  lady  riders  were  on 

the  saddles,  and  then  Mr.  B k,  Sen.,  and  myself  riding  in 

advance,  he  shouted,  "  Come  on.  girls — we're  off." 

And  o^it  was — amidst  the  giggling  of  girls,  and  the  laughter 
of  neighbours,  nodding  good-byes  with  their  heads,  or  shaking 
them  out  of  handkerchiefs,  from  doors  and  windows ;  and  also 
the  boisterous  farewells  of  some  two  dozen  folks  that  had  helped 
us  fix.  Off\\>  was,  some  at  a  hard  trot,  some  at  a  round  gal- 
lop, and  others  at  a  soft  pace  or  shuffle,  the  animals  snorting, 
squealing,  and  winnowing — sometimes  six  abreast,  sometimes 
two,  sometimes  all  huddled  like  a  militia  cavalry  training ;  and 
then  all  in  Indian  file,  one  by  one,  with  yards  of  space  between 
us !  Oh !  the  squeezing  of  lower  limbs  against  horse-quar- 
ters ! — the  kicking  and  splattering  of  mud  ! — the  streaming  forth 
of  ill-secured  kerchiefs  and  capes  !  Oh,  the  screeching  !  shout-  ' 
ing  !  laughing  !  shaking  !  What  flapping  of  saddle-skirts  !  What 
walloping  of  saddle-bags  !  Away  with  stages  ! — steamers ! — 
cars !  Give  me  a  horse  and  the  life,  activity  and  health  of 
Hoosiers  and  Hoosierinas  let  loose  all  at  once  in  the  whirligig 
storm  and  fury  of  that  morning's  starting  ! 

We  soon  degenerated  into  a  slow  trot,  and  finally  into  a  fast 
walk,  with  episodial  riding  to  scare  a  flock  of  wild  turkeys,  or 
add  wings  to  the  flight  of  a  deer ;  till  we  all  became,  at  last,  so 
shaken  down  and  settled  in  our  saddles,  as  to  seem  each  a  com- 


318  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

pound  of  man  (j^f  homo)  and  horse.  Yet,  for  hours  we  kept 
up  talk  of  all  kinds.  Yea !  we  halloed — we  quizzed — we 
laughed  !  We  talked  seriously  too — for  no  one  rides  through 
our  grand  woods  any  more  than  he  sails  forth  on  the  grand 
waters,  and  feels  not  solemn  !  And  we  even  talked  religiously — 
more  so  than  some  readers  would  care  to  hear  !  Lively,  in- 
deed, we  were — but  God  even  then  was  in  our  thoughts ;  and 
some  of  that  happy  company  were  then,  and  are  yet,  ornaments 
of  the  Christian  world — some  are  in  heaven  !  Yes,  then  as 
now,  we  often  passed,  as  is  the  case  with  the  joyous,  the  frank- 
hearted,  the  middle  class,  and,  in  an  instant,  from  laughter  to 
tears. 

No  halt  was  made  for  dinner :  it  was  handed  round  on  horse- 
back. A  piece,  or  half  a  piece  of  ham,  boxed  neatly  between 
two  boards  of  corn-bread,  and  held  delicately — as  possible — 
between  the  linger  and  thumb  of  an  attendant,  was  thus  pre- 
sented for  acceptance.  Yet  not  always  was  it  easy  to  take  the 
proffered  dainties  ;  since  often  the  horse,  out  of  sheer  affecta- 
tion, or  because  of  a  sly  kick  or  switch  from  an  unseen  quarter, 
would,  at  the  instant  of  captation,  jump  aside,  or  leap  forward, 
and  verify  the  proverb — "  many  a  slip  between  the  cup  and  the 

HP." 

Towards  evening  it  was  heard  that  Slippery  River  was  fall- 
ing, but  could  not  yet  be  forded  ;  and  hence  it  was  determined 
to  stay  all  night  in  a  cabin  several  miles  this  side,  in  expecta- 
tion of  our  being  able  to  ford  in  the  morning.  We  were,  of 
course,  received  by  our  friends  with  open  hearts,  and  enter- 
tained in  the  most  approved  backwoods'  style — the  only  awk- 
wardness being,  that  beds  could  be  furnished  but  for  four  of  our 
party.  As  some,  therefore,  must  sleep  on  the  floor,  it  was 
unanimously  voted  that  all  should  share  alike  in  the  hardship 
and  frolic  of  a  puncheon's  night's  rest;  and  hence,  in  due  sea- 
son, all  hands  were  piped  to  convert  our  supper-room  into  a 
grand  bed-chamber.  And  first,  the  floor  was  swept ;  secondly, 
our  blankets  were  spread  on  it;  thirdly,  over  these  horse-cloths, 
was  put  a  good  rag-carpet ;  and,  lastly,  in  a  line  were  ranged 
saddle-bags  and  valises,  interspersed  with  other  bolsters  and 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  319 

pillows,  stuffed  with  feathers  and  rags  ;  and  then,  the  fire  being 
secured,  we  all  began  to  undress 

"  Oh !  goodness  !  Mr.  Carlton  !— girls  !  and  all  ?" 

Girls  and  all,  my  dear. 

"  I  vow  then,  I  will  never  marry  and  go  to  a  New  Pur- 
chase! But  did  the  ladies  really  divest — hem ! — before — the — 
the » 

Oh  !  that  I  cannot  say.  Western  gentlemen  never  peep  : 
but  our  order  of  "  reclinature,"  as  Doctor  Hexagon  would  doubt- 
less say,  was  as  follows  :  Mr.  B k,  Sen.,  reclined  first,  having 

on  his  outside  next  the  door,  his  son,  and  on  the  inside,  his 
daughter ;  then  the  other  girls,  one  after  another,  till  all  were 
finished  ;  then  his  modesty,  Mr.  C.,  who,  having  a  wife  at  home, 
was  called,  by  courtesy  to  suit  the  occasion,  an  old  man ;  and 
then,  outside  him,  and  next  the  other  door,  young  Mr.  Frank 

"  1  never ! — no — I  never  did  /" 

and  then  after  a  little  nearly  inaudible  whispering,  burst- 
ing at  short  intervals  into  very  audible  giggles,  the  hush  of  the 
dark  wilderness  came  upon  us — and — an — i 


Hey  ! — oh ! — ah  ! — I  beg   pardon — I   think  we   must  have 
been  asleep ! 


After  breakfast  our  friend  Mr.  B k,  Sen.,  offered  an 

earnest  prayer,  in  which  thanks  were  returned  for  past  mercies 
and  favours,  and  supplication  made  for  protection  during  the 
prospective  perils  of  the  day ;  and  in  an  hour  after  we  were 
within  sight,  and  hearing  too,  of  the  sullen  and  angry  flood. 

The  waters  had,  indeed,  fallen  in  a  good  degree,  and  they 
were  still  decreasing,  yet  no  person,  a  stranger  to  the  West, 
could  have  looked  on  that  foaming  and  eddying  river  leaping 
impetuous  over  the  rocky  bed,  and  have  heard  the  echoes  of  its 
many  thunders  calling  from  cliff  to  cliff,  and  from  one  dark 
cavern  to  another  in  the  forest  arching  over  the  water — no  inex- 
perienced traveller,  all  sign  of  hoof  and  wheel  leading  to  the 


- 

320  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

ford  obliterated,  could  have  supposed  that  our  party,  and  mostly 
very  young  girls,  were  seriously  preparing  to  cross  that  stream 
on  our  horses !  But  either  that  must  be,  or  our  path  be  re' 
traced ;  and  sobered,  therefore,  although  not  intimidated,  we 
made  ready  for  the  perilous  task.  The  older  and  more  reso- 
lute girls  were  seated  on  the  sure-footed  horses ;  and  all  their 
dresses  were  properly  arranged,  and  all  loose  cloaks  and  clothes 
carefully  tied  up,  that,  in  case  of  accident,  nothing  might  entan- 
gle the  hands  or  feet.  Several  little  girls  were  to  be  seated 
behind  the  gentlemen,  while  a  loose  horse  or  two  was  left  to 
follow.  We  gentlemen  riders  were  also  to  ride  between  two 
young  ladies,  to  aid  in  keeping  their  horses  right,  to  seize  a 
rein  on  emergencies,  and  to  encourage  the  ladies,  in  case  they 
showed  any  symptoms  of  alarm. 

Things  ready,  we  all  rode  boldly  to  the  water's  edge ;  where 
a  halt  was  called,  till  Mr.  B k  and  Mr.  C.  should  go  fore- 
most and  try  the  ford.  And  now,  dear  reader,  it  may  be  easy 
to  ford  Slippery  River  in  this  book,  and  maybe  Mr.  C.  has  con- 
trived to  seem  courageous  like — but  that  morning,  at  first  sight 
of  that  ugly  water,  he  did  secretly  wish  it  had  been  bridged,  and 
feel — that  is — wished  all  safe  over ;  and  possibly  had  he  been 
favoured  with  a  few  moments'  more  reflection,  he  might  have 
been  rather  scared — yet  just  then,  souse  went  Mr.  B.  up  to  his 
saddle-skirts,  seeming  a  man  on  a  saddle  with  a  tail  streaming 
out  horizontally,  and  then  came  his  voice  thus : 

"  Come  on,  Carlton  ! — come  on  !" 

"  Ay  !  ay  !  sir — I'm  in — souse — splash !  Oho  !  the  water's 
in  my  boots  !" 

"  Hold  up  your  legs  ! — why  don't  you  ?" 

"  Forgot  it,  Mr.  B.— don't  care  now — can't  get  any  wetter." 

N.  B. — None,  save  born  and  bred  woodsmen,  can  keep  the 
limbs  properly  packed  and  dry  on  the  horse  neck,  in  deep  fords: 
naturalized  woodmen  never  do  it  either  gracefully  or  success- 
fully. I  have  myself  vainly  tried  a  hundred  times :  but  at  the 
first  desperate  plunge  and  lurch  of  the  quadruped,  I  have  always 
had  to  unpack  the  articles  and  let  them  drop  into  the  water — 
otherwise  I  should  have  dropped  myself. 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  321 

Mr.  B.  and  myself  rode  around  and  into  the  deepest  places, 
satisfying  ourselves  and  the  rest,  that  with  due  caution  and  for- 
titude the  ford  was  .practicable — or  nearly  so :  and  then  I  re- 
turned for  the  girls,  while  Mr.  B.  rode  down  and  stationed 
himself  in  the  middle  river  about  twenty-five  yards  below  the 
ford  proper,  to  intercept,  if  possible,  any  article  or  person  fall- 
ing from  or  thrown  by  a  blundering  horse.  Having  myself 
been  in  the  deepest  water,  although  not  the  most  rapid,  and 
knowing  that  much  depended  on  my  firmness  and  care,  my 
sense  of  personal  danger  was  lost  in  anxiety  for  my  precious 
charge ;  and  I  reentered  the  perilous  flood  with  the  girls  with 
something  like  a  determination,  if  necessary,  to  save  their  lives 
rather  than  my  own. 

Several  of  these,  from  the  first,  utterly  refused  all  assistance ; 
and  they  now  sat  like  queens  of  the  chivalric  age — seeming, 
occasionally,  tiny  boats  trimmed  with  odd  sails  and  tossing 
mid  the  foam,  as  their  horses  rose  and  sunk  over  the  roughness 
of  the  rocky  bottom !  The  other  girls,  shutting  their  eyes  to 
avoid  looking  at  the  seeming  dangers,  and  also  to  prevent 
swimming  of  the  head,  held  the  horn  of  the  saddle  with  a  tena- 
cious grasp,  and  surrendered  the  horses  to  the  guidance  of  the 
escorts. 

On  reaching  the  middle  of  the  river,  here  some  eighty  yards 
wide,  the  depth  had,  indeed,  decreased  to  about  two  feet ;  but 
then  the  rocks  being  more,  and  larger  arid  rougher,  the  current 
was  raging  among  them — a  miniature  of  the  Niagara  Rapids. 
Here  was  I  seized  with  a  momentary  perplexity.  By  way  of 
punishing  the  incipient  cowardice,  however,  I  checked  my  own 
horse  and  that  of  the  trembling  girl  next  me,  and  thus  remain- 
ing, forced  my  eyes  to  survey  the  whole  really  terrific  scene, 
and  to  contemplate  a  cataract  of  waters  thundering  in  an  un 
broken  sheet  over  a  ledge  of  rocks  thirty  feet  high,  and  a  short 
distance  above  the  ford.  And  having  thus  compelled  myself 
in  the  very  midst  of  the  boiling  sea,  to  endure  its  surges,  we 
proceeded  cautiously  and  leisurely,  till  with  no  other  harm  than 
a  good  wetting,  especially  to  my  boots  and  upwards,  and  a  lit- 
tle palpitation  of  the  heart,  all  came  safe  to  land. 
14* 


322  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

And  then  the  chattering !  and  how  we  magnified  ourselves ! 
The  charges  and  denials  too ! — "  Mary  what  makes  you  so 
pale  r — "  Pshaw  !— I'm  not— I  was  not  scared  a  bit !"— "  Nor 
me  neither — "  "  Ha !  ha !  ha ! — you  had  your  eyes  shut  all 
the  time!"— "Oh!  Mr.  Carlton,  had  If  "Well,"  said  he, 
"  we  must  not  tell  tales  out  of  school :  beside,  I  was  half  afraid 
I  should  get  scared  myself." 

"  You  !  Mr.  Carlton,"  said  Mr.  B. ;  "  well  it  may  be  so  ;  but 
without  flattery,  you  brought  the  girls  over  about  as  well  as  I 
could  have  done  it  myself — why,  you  were  as  cool  as  a  woods- 
man." 

"  Well,  after  that  praise,  Mr.  Blank"— for  that  is  the  name— 
"  I  mean  to  set  up  for  a  real  genuine  Hoosier." 

Reader !  I  do  not  deserve  such  praise  :  but  as  to  being  "  cool,5* 
there  was  no  mistake — only  think  of  the  cold  water  in  my  boots 
and  elsewhere  ! 

Inquiry  was  made  about  the  pony :  and  that  was  answered 
by  a  general  "  Haw  !  haw  !  haw !  hoo  !  hoo  !  hoo  !  he  !  he  ! 
he  !"  and  so  through  the  six  cases — and  mingled  with  the  ex- 
clamation "look!  look!" — "down  thare  !  down  thare  !" 

We  of  course  looked ;  and  about  thirty  yards  below  the 
landing,  was  pony,  or  rather  pony's  head,  his  body  and  tail  be- 
ing invisible ;  but  whether,  hippopotamus-like,  he  walked  on 
the  bottom,  or  was  actually  swimming,  was  uncertain.  But 
there  he  was ;  and  by  the  progression  of  his  ears,  he  was  mani- 
festly making  headway  pretty  fast  towards  our  side;  although 
ever  and  anon,  by  the  sudden  dousing  of  his  ears,  he  had 
either  plunged  into  water  deeper  than  his  expectation,  or  been 
momentarily  upset  by  the  current.  By  this  time  our  two  young 
gentlemen  had  got  opposite  to  pony,  and  were  -waiting  to  assist 
at  his  toilette  on  his  emerging ; — for  his  saddle  and  bridle,  etc., 
had  been  all  brought  over  on  a  vacated  steed.  The  three  soon 
rejoining  us,  we  all,  in  health,  and  with  grateful  hearts  and  good 
spirits,  were  again  dashing  on,  wild  and  independent  Tartars, 
through  our  own  loved  forests. 

But  before  we  could  reach  our  quarters  this  night,  Nut  Creek 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  323 

was  to  be  passed,  too  deep  to  be  forded,  and  having  neither 
bridge  nor  scow !     It  was  to  be  done — by  canoe  ! 

The  canoe,  in  the  present  case,  was  a  log  ten  feet  long,  and 
eighteen  inches  wide,  and  hacked,  burned  and  scraped,  to  the 
depth  of  a  foot :  and  it  Was  tolerably  well  rounded  to  a  point 
at  each  end,  being,  however,  destitute  of  keel  or  rudder.  It  was, 
indeed,  wholly  unlike  any  fairy  skiff  found  in  poetry  or  Scott's 
Novels,  or  in  the  engravings  of  annuals  bound  in  cloth  and 
gold,  and  reposing  on  centre  tables.  Nor  was  it  either  classical 
or  Indian.  It  differed  from  a  bark-canoe  as  a  wooden  shoe  from 
a  black  morocco  slipper !  Either  nature,  or  a  native,  had  be- 
gun a  hog-trough  to  hold  swill  and  be  snouted :  but  its  capaci- 
ties proving  better  than  expectation — a  little  extra  labour  had 
chopped  the  thing  into  a  log-boat ! 

Well — into  this  metamorphosed  log  was  now  to  be  packed  a 
most  precious  load.  To  one  end  went  first,  Mr.  Blank,  Sen., 
with  a  paddle ;  then  were  handed  along,  one  by  one,  the  tremb- 
ling girls,  who,  sitting  instantly  on  the  bottom  of  the  trough, 
and  closing  their  eyes,  held  to  its  sides  with  hands  clenched  as 
for  life ;  and  then  followed  Mr.  C.,  filling  up  the  few  inches  of 
remaining  space,  and  for  the  first  time  in  his  days,  holding  a 
canoe-paddle !  and  then  at  the  cry  "  let  go !"  our  two  junior 
gentlemen,  on  the  bank,  relaxed  their  hands,  and  our  laden  craft 
was  at  the  mercy  of  the  flood ! 

Many  a  boat  had  I  rowed  on  the  Delaware  and  the  Schuyl- 
kill — often  a  skiff  on  the  Ohio — ay  !  and  poled  and  set  over 
many  a  scow  :  but  what  avail  civilized  practice,  in  propelling 
for  the  first  time  a  hollow  log,  and  with  a  small  paddle,  like  a 
large  mush-stick  1 — and  across  a  raging  torrent  in  a  gloomy  wil- 
derness ?  Was  it  so  wonderful  my  end  went  round  ? — and 
more  than  once  1  Could  I  help  it  1  Was  it  even  a  wonder  I 
looked  solemn  ? — grew  dizzy  ? — and  at  last  quit  paddling  alto- 
gether ?  But  it  was  a  wonder  I  did  not  upset  that  vile  swine 
thing,  and  plunge  all  into  the  water — perhaps  into  death !  And 
yet  we  all  reached,  by  the  skill  of  Mr.  Blank,  our  port  in  safety. 

The  horses  in  the  meanwhile  had  been  stripped,  and  three  or 
four  trustworthy  ones  released  from  their  bridles  to  swim  over 


324  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

by  themselves  :  and  so  we  made  ready  to  ferry  over  the  re- 
maining animals  and  all  the  baggage,  not,  indeed,  at  one,  but 
several  trips.  The  trust-worthy  and  more  sensible  creatures 
were  led  by  the  mane,  or  the  nose,  or  driven  with  switches,  and 
pelted  with  clods  to  the  edge  of  the  creek ;  where  they  were 
partly  coaxed,  and  partly  pushed  into  the  flood,  whence  rising 
from  the  plunge,  they  swam,  snorting,  to  the  far  side,  and  land- 
ing, continued  cropping  about  till  wanted. 

The  less  accommodating  creatures  were,  one  at  a  time,  man- 
aged thus :  Mr.  Blank,  Sen.,  took  a  station  at  that  end  of  the 
canoe,  which,  when  dragged  round  by  the  horse,  would  become 
the  stern,  to  guide  and  steer ;  and  Mr.  C.  twice,  and  Mr.  Frank 
and  young  Blank  each  once,  was  seated  in  the  prow  that  was  to 
be,  and  held  the  rope  or  bridle  attached  at  the  other  end  to  the 
horse's  head  :  then,  all  ready,  the  creature,  pulled  by  the  person 
in  the  canoe,  and  pelted,  beat,  slapped  and  pushed  by  the  two 
on  land,  took  the  "shoote;" — a  plunge  direct,  over  head  and 
ears,  into  water  a  little  over  nine  feet  deep !  If  this  did  not 
drag  under  or  upset  the  log,  that  was  owing  to  the — (hem !) 
dexterity  and  presence  of  mind,  and  so  forth,  of  the  steersman — 
and  the  man  at  the  bridle-end  !  But  when  the  animal  arose, 
and  began  to  snort  and  swim  ahead ! — oh !  sirs,  then  was  realized 
and  enjoyed  all  ever  fabled  about  Neptune  and  his  dolphins  ! 
or  Davy  Crockett  and  his  alligators  !  What  if  you  have  a 
qualm  at  first ! — that  is  soon  lost  in  the  excitement  of  this  demi- 
god sailing !  It  is  even  grand !  to  cross  a  perilous  flood  on  a 
log  harnessed  to  a  river-horse !  and  with  the  rapidity  of  a  comet, 
and  the  whirl  and  splash  of  a  steamer  !  No  wonder  our  west- 
ern people  do  often  feel  contempt  for  the  tender  nurslings  of 
the  east !  And  is  it  not  likely  that  the  fables  about  sea-cars, 
and  water-gods,  originated  when  men  lived  in  the  woods,  dieted 
on  acorns,  and  recreated  themselves  with  this  horse  and  log 
navigation  ?  The  hint  may  be  worth  something  to  the  editors 
of  Tooke's  Pantheon. 

****** 

In  an  hour  and  a  half  we  reached  our  second  night's  lodging- 
place;  and  next  day,  at  noon,  the  girls  being  committed  to  the 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  325 

junior  gentlemen  to  escort  to  Sugartown,  the  residence  of  Mr. 
Blank,  he  and  the  author  took  the  episodial  journey,  described 
in  the  following  chapter. 


CHAPTER   XLV. 

"  Shaking  his  trident,  urges  on  his  steeds, 
Who  with  two  feet  beat  from  their  brawny  breasts 
The  foaming  billow ;  but  their  hinder  parts 
Swim,  and  go  smooth  against  the  curling  surge." 

WE  parted  from  our  young  folks,  at  an  obscure  trace,  where 
Mr.  B.  and  Mr.  C.  went  to  the  left,  towards  Big  Possum  Creek ; 
along  which,  somewhere  in  the  woods,  Mr.  Blank  expected  to 
meet  an  ecclesiastical  body,  of  which  he  was  a  member. 

The  spot  was  found  late  that  night ;  but  as  yet  no  delegates 
had  appeared,  and  when,  next  day,  at  three  o'clock,  P.M.,  a  sin- 
gle clergyman  appeared,  jaded  and  muddy,  and  reported  the 
waters  as  too  high  for  members  in  certain  directions  to  come  at 
all,  the  whole  affair  was  postponed  till  the  subsidence  of  the 
flood. 

Mr.  Blank  being  an  officer  of  the  general  government,  and 
having  important  matters  demanding  his  immediate  attention, 
now  took  me  aside,  and  began  as  follows  : — 

"  Mr.  Carlton,  do  you  want  to  try  a  little  more  backwood's 
life?" 

"Why?" 

"  Because,  if  possible,  I  should  like  to  reach  my  house  to- 
night." 

"  To-night ! — why  'tis  half-past  three  !  and  your  house  is  at 
least  thirty-five  miles " 

"  Yes,  by  the  trace,  up  Big  Possum — but  in  a  straight  line 
through  the  woods  'tis  not  over  twenty-five  miles." 

"But  there  is  no  road?" 

"  I  don't  want  any ;  the  sun  is  bright,  and  by  sun-down,  we 
shall  strike  a  new  road  laid  out  last  fall ;  and  that  I  can  follow 
in  the  night." 


326  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

"  I  have  never,  Mr.  B.,  swum  a  "horse  ;  and  I  confess  I'm  a 
leetle  timid  ;  and  we  cannot  expect  even  canoes  where  there  are 
no  settlements " 

"  Oh !  never  fear,  I'll  go  ahead ;  beside,  Big  Possum  is  all 
that  is  very  seriously  in  the  way  ;  and  I  think  it  will  hardly 
swim  us  now — come,  what  do  you  say — will  you  go  ?" 

"Well — let's  see  ;  twenty-five  miles — no  road,  no  settlement, 
won't  quite  swim,  maybe — new  road  in  the  dark — pretty  fair  for 
a  tyro,  Mr.  Blank  ;  but  1  can't  learn  sooner ;  I'll  go,  sir — let  us 
be  off  at  once  then." 

Big  Possum  was  soon  reached ;  and  as  there  was  no  ford  es- 
tablished by  law  or  custom,  it  was  to  be  forded  at  a  venture. 
My  friend  sought,  indeed,  not  for  a  place  less  deep  apparently, 
but  for  one  less  impeded  by  bushes  and  briars,  and  then  in  he 
plunged,  "  accoutred  as  he  was,  and  bade  me  follow."  And  so, 
indeed,  I  did  boldly,  and  promptly;  for  my  courage  was  really 
so  modest  as  to  need  the  stimulus  of  a  blind  and  reckless  con- 
duct. Hence,  all  I  knew  was  a  "  powerful  heap"  of  water  in 
my  boots  again,  and  an  uneasy  wet  sensation  in  the  saddle- 
seat* — with  a  curious  sinking  of  the  horse's  "  hinder  parts,"  as 
if  he  kicked  at  something  and  could  not  hit  it — and  then  a  hard 
scramble  of  his  fore  legs  in  the  treacherous  mud  of  a  bank  ; 
and  then  this  outcry  of  Mr.  Blank,  as  he  turned  an  instant  in  his 
saddle  to  watch  my  emersion  : — 

"  Well  done  !  Carlton !  well  done. !  You'll  be  a  woodsman 
yet !  Come,  keep  up — the  worst  is  over." 

Reader !  I  do  think  praise  is  the  most  magical  thing  in  nature  ! 
In  this  case  it  nearly  dried  my  inexpressibles  !  And  on  I  fol- 
lowed, consoling  myself  for  the  other  water  in  the  boots,  by 
singing — "possum  up  a  gum  tree  !" 

"  Hulloo  !  Mr.  B.  how  are  you  steering  1  by  the  moss  ?" 

"  No — by  the  shadows." 

"Shadows!  how's  that?" 

"Our  course  is  almost  north  east — the  sun  is  nearly  west 


*  I  hope  the  Magazines  won't  be  hard  on  the  grammar  hero— it  is  so  great  a  help  to 
our  delicacy — a  double  intender  like. 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  327 

— so  cutting  the  shadows  of  the  trees  at  the  present  angle,  we'll 
strike  the  road,  this  rate,  about  sun-set." 

I  had  travelled  by  the  moss,  a  good  general  guide,  the  north 
and  north  west  sides  of  trees,  having  more  and  darker  moss 
than  the  others ;  I  had  gone  by  a  compass  in  a  watch-key,  by 
blazes — by  the  under  side  of  leaves  recently  upturned,  a  true 
Indian  trace,  as  visible  to  the  practised  eye  as  the  warm  scent 
to  a  hound's  nose — and  by  the  sun,  moon,  or  stars ;  I  had,  in 
dark  days,  gone  with  comrades,  who  by  keeping  some  fifty  yards 
apart  in  a  line,  could  correct  aberrations;  but  never  had  I 
thought  of  our  present  simple  and  infallible  guide! 

Man  maybe,  as  some  think,  very  low  in  the  intellectual  scale, 
and  yet  he  has  one  mark  of  divine  resemblance — he  always  is 
in  search  of  simple  agents  and  means,  and  when  found,  he  uses 
them  in  producing  the  greatest  effects.  Witness  here  man's 
contrivances  for  navigating  through  the  air  and  the  waters,  and 
for  crossing  deserts  and  solitudes  !  Laugh  if  you  will,  but  I  do 
confess  that  as  we  bounded  along  that  beautiful  sunny  afternoon 
and  evening,  I  felt  how  like  gods  we  availed  ourselves  of  reason, 
in  that  wilderness,  without  squatters,  without  blazes,  without 
dry  leaves,  having  no  compass,  and  indifferent  to  moss ;  yes, 
and  I  smiled  at  the  grim  trees,  while  we  cut  athwart  their  black 
shadows  at  the  proper  angle,  and  heard  from  den  and  ravine  and 
cliff  the  startled  echoes  crying  out  in  amazement,  in  answering 
clatter  and  clang  of  hoofs  and  clamour  of  human  voices  ! 

For  many  miles  the  land  was  low  and  level,  and  mostly 
covered  with  water  in  successive  pools,  seeming,  at  a  short  dis- 
tance, like  parts  of  one  immense  lake  of  the  woods !  These 
pools  were  rarely  more  than  a  few  inches  deep,  unless  in  cavities 
where  trees  had  been  torn  up  by  their  roots,  and  such  holes 
were  easily  avoided  by  riding  around  the  prostrate  tops.  My 
friend  had  not  expected  quite  so  much  water  ;  for  he  now  called 
out  at  intervals — 

"  Come  on  !  Carlton  !  we  musn't  be  caught  here  in  the  dark 
— the  sun's  getting  low — can  you  keep  up  V 

"  Ay — ay  ! — go  on  ! — go  on  !" 

And  then,  after  every  such  exhortation  and  reply,  as  if  all 


328  THE      NEW      PURCHASE.       . 

past  trotting  had  been  walking,  away,  away  we  splashed,  not 
kicking  up  a  dust,  but  a  mimic  shower  of  aqueous  particles, 
and  many  a  smart  sprinkle  of  mud,  that  rattled  like  hail  on  the 
leaves  above,  and  the  backs  and  shoulders  below  !  Never  did 
I  believe  how  a  horse  can  go  ! — at  least  through  mud  and  water  ! 
True,  I  did  often  think  of  "  the  merciful  man,  merciful  to  his 
beast" — but  I  thought  in  answer,  that  hay  and  oats  were  as 
scarce  in  the  swamp  as  hog  and  hominy ;  and  hence,  that  for  all 
our  sakes  we  had  better  bestir  matters  a  little  extra  for  an  hour 
or  two,  that  all  might  get  to  "  entertainment  for  man  and  horse" 

Hence,  finally,  we  gave  up  all  talking,  singing,  humming,  and 
•whistling,  and  all  conjecturing  and  wishing ;  and  set  into  plain, 
unostentatious  hard  riding,  kicking  and  whipping  our  respective 
"  critturs"  so  heartily  as  to  leave  no  doubt  somewhere  under 
their  hides,  of  our  earnestness  and  haste ;  and.  therefore,  about 
half  an  hour  after  sunset,  we  gained  or  struck  the  expected 
road,  where,  although  not  yet  free  from  the  waters,  we  had  no 
more  apprehension  of  losing  the  course. 

At  last  we  reentered  the  dry  world — a  high  and  rolling 
country.  As  it  was,  however,  then  profoundly  dark,  our  con- 
cluding five  miles  were  done  in  a  walk,  slow,  solemn,  and  fune- 
real ;  till  at  half-past  ten  o'clock  that  night  we  dismounted  or 
disembarked,  wet,  weary,  and  hungry,  at  Mr.  B.'s  door :  and 
there  we  were  more  than  welcomed  by  his  family,  and  all  our 
boys  and  girls  snug  and  safe  from  the  late  perils  of  woods  and 
waters. 


CHAPTER    XLVI. 

"Slowly  and  sadly  we  laid  him  down 

From  the  field  of  his  fame,  fresh  and  gory ; 
We  carved  not  a  line,  we  raised  not  a  stone, 
But  we  left  him  alone  with  his  glory." 

AT  the  end  of  a  week's  visit  we  left  Sugartown  for  Tippe- 
canoe  :  but  with  a  very  diminished  party.  It  consisted  of  one 
young  lady  only,  the  two  young  gentlemen,  myself,  and  other 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  329 

four,  horses.  The  lady,  Miss  Charille,  lived  twenty-five  miles 
to  the  north,  and  within  ten  miles  of  Tippecanoe.  The  young 
fellows  accompanied  out  of  gallantry,  and  to  visit  with  me  the 
field. 

Being  in  a  hurry,  I  hasten  to  say,  that  early  in  the  evening 
we  arrived  at  Mr.  Charille's  ;  that  we  were  cordially  received ; 
that  we  got  supper  in  due  season,  and  then  went  to  bed  in 
western  style,  all  in  one  room :  the  beds  here  nearly  touching 
in  places,  but  ingeniously  separated  by  extemporary  curtains 
of  frocks  and  petticoats,  and  on  a  side  of  my  bed,  by  two  pairs 
of  modest  and  respectable  corduroy  breeches.  Fastidious  folks, 
that  smell  at  essences  and  nourish  perfumed  cambric,  I  know 
would  have  lain  awake,  curling  their  noses  at  the  articles,  but 
sensible  ones  in  such  cases  go  quietly  to  sleep ;  while  men  of 
genius  are  even  captivated  with  the  romance 

"Romance! — what,  a  curtain  of  corduroy  thinging-bobs  ?" 

Yes,  corduroys  modestly  hung  as  wall  between  ladies  and 
gentlemen,  reposing  amid  the  solemn  vastness  of  a  prairie !  If 
that  is  not  romance  pray  what  is  ?  To  sleep  alone  in  a  plastered 
chamber,  with  a  lock  on  the  door,  blinds  to  the  windows,  wash- 
stand,  toilette,  and  so  on,  is  very  comfortable — very  civilized — 
but  surely  not  very  romantic.  And  if  strangeness  is  a  con- 
stituent of  romance,  could  any  fix  and  fixtures  be  contrived 
stranger  than  ours  ? 

However,  like  a  sensible  body,  I  went  soon  and  quietly  to 
sleep,  and  was  quickly  in  spirit  lost  in  the  land  of  shadows  and 
dreams :  and  having  a  fine  capacity  for  dreaming,  I  had  many 
visions,  till  at  last  came  one  of  my  pet  dreams — a  winged 
dream  !  Then,  lifted  on  pinions  fastened  some  where  about  me, 
I  went  sailing  in  the  air  over  the  wide  expanse  of  the  meadow 
world;  then,  careering  in  a  black  tempest  and  hurricane  far 
above  the  bowing  and  crashing  trees  of  the  forest — and  then 
suddenly  descending  near  a  mighty  swollen  river,  I  was  deprived 
in  some  mysterious  way  of  the  wings !  Here  I  luy  stretched  on 
a  bed,  while  the  form  of  that  venerable  quadruped,  my  dear 
nameless  old  friend,  a  little  larger  than  life,  backed  up  and  be- 
came harnessed  to  the  foot  of  the  couch,  and  the  dwarf  pony 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

began  with  his  hinder  parts  to  push  against  the  head-board,  and 
I  was  just  a-launching  into  the  waters,  when  down  dropped  both 
the  steeds,  and  commenced  to  snort  with  so  tremendous  a  tem- 
pest of  noise  as  to  wake  me!  I  rubbed  my  eyes  and  smiled — 
but  is  it  possible  1 — hark  ! — am  I  still  dreaming  ?  What  is  that 
beyond  the  corduroys  in  the  adjoining  bed  ?  Dear,  oh  dear ! 
can  that  be  Dr.  Chariile  snoring  ? 

During  the  week  spent  at  Mr.  Blank's  his  lady  had  once  said 
to  me, — 

"  Mr.  Carl  ton,  you  will  not  sleep  any  at  Dr.  Charille's." 

"  Not  sleep  any — why  1"    ; 

"  His  snoring  will  keep  you  awake." 

"  Never  fear — I  can  sleep  in  a  thunder  storm." 

"  So  I  thought.  But  when  lately  he  visited  here,  he  insisting 
on  sleeping  alone  in  the  passage;  which  we  not  permitting, 
when  his  snoring  began,  sure  enough,  as  he  himself  pleasantly 
predicted,  nobody  else  could  sleep." 

This  conversation  now  recurred,  when  that  amazing  snoring 
formed  and  then  destroyed  my  dream  !  What  a  relief,  if  young 
Mr.  Frank  and  I,  who  slept  together,  could  have  laughed  ! 
One  might  have  ventured,  indeed,  with  impunity,  during  any 
paroxysm  of  snoring,  if  one  could  have  quit  when  if  subsided ; 
for  the  most  honest  cachination  must  have  been  unheard  in  the 
uproar  of  the  Doctor's  nasal  trumpetings. 

How  shall  we  so  write  as  to  give  any  correct  idea  of  the  per- 
formance1? Pitiful,  indeed,  it  began  like  a  puppy's  whine ;  but 
directly  its  tone  passed  into  an  abrupt,  snappish,  mischievous, 
and  wicked  snort ;  and  then  into  a  frightful  tornado  of  windy 
sleep  ;  after  which,  in  about  three  minutes,  it  subsided,  and  sud- 
denly ceased,  as  if  the  doctor  had  made  a  successful  snap  and 
swallowed  it !  If  this  description  be  not  satisfactory,  I  hope  the 
reader  will  send  for  Robert  Dale  Owen ;  who,  knowing  how  to 
represent  morals  and  circumstances  by  diagrams,  may  succeed 
in  the  same  way  at  setting  forth  snoring ;  but  such  is  beyond 
our  power. 

The  doctor  evidently  worked  by  the  job,  from  his  earnestness 
and  haste :  and  certainly  he  did  do  in  any  five  minutes  of  a 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  331 

paroxysm,  vastly  more  and  better  than  all  of  us  combined  could 
have  done  the  whole  night.  Happily  any  sound,  regularly  re- 
peated, becomes  a  lullaby  ;  and  hence  he  that  had  snored  me 
awake,  snored  me  asleep  again;  but  never  can  1  forget  that 
amazing,  startling,  and  exhilatory  nasal  solo!  That  nose  could 
have  done  snoring  parts  in  a  somnambula,  and  would  have 
roused  up  the  drowsy  hearers  better  than  the  clash  of  brass  in- 
struments ! 


After  an  early  breakfast,  the  two  youngsters  and  myself  set 
off  on  horse-back  for  Tippecanoe ;  intending,  as  the  field  was 
only  ten  miles,  to  return,  if  possible,  in  the  evening  to  Dr. 
Charille's. 

The  day  was  favourable,  and  our  path  led  usually  through 
prairies,  where  awe  is  felt  at  the  grandeur  of  the  wild  plains 
stretching  away,  sometimes  with  undulations,  but  oftener  with 
unbroken  smoothness,  to  meet  the  dim  horizon.  Yet  one  is 
frequently  surprised  and  delighted  there,  with  views  of  pic- 
turesque meadows,  fringed  with  thickets  intervening,  and  sepa- 
rating the  primitive  pasturages  as  in  the  golden  age !  The 
green  and  flowery  meads  seemed  made  for  flocks  and  herds : 
and  imagination  easily  created,  under  the  shade  of  trees,  shep- 
herds and  shepherdesses,  with  crooks  and  sylvan  reeds  !  It 
heard  the  sound  of  pipes ! — the  very  tones  of  thrilling  and 
strange  voices ! 

Then  we  seemed  to  approach  a  country  of  modern  farms, 
where  the  gopher  hills  resembled  hay-cocks  awaiting  the  wagon! 
and  countless  wild  plums  laden  with  rich  and  fragrant  fruit  re- 
called the  Eastern  orchards !  Alas !  our  inconsistency  !  then  I, 
who  a  while  since  looked  with  rapture  to  the  sun-set  and  longed 
for  the  West,  now  looked  to  the  sun-rise  and  sighed  for  the  East 
— the  far  East !  And  why  not  ?  There  was  the  home  of  my 
orphan  boyhood!  there  had  I  revelled,  arid  without  care,  in 
the  generous  toils  of  the  harvest ! — the  binding  of  sheaves ! — 
the  raking  of  hay  ! — the  hay-mow  ! — the  stack-yard  !  There 
had  I  snared  rabbits — trapped  muskrats — found  hens'  nests — • 


332  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

laid  up  walnuts  and  shell-barks !  There  had  I  fished  with  pin- 
hooks,  and  caught  in  a  little,  dark,  modest  brook,  more  roach 
and  gudgeon  than  the  fellow  with  his  store-hook  with  a  barbed 
point !  And  then  the  sliding  clown  hills  of  ice  on  our  own  home- 
made sleds ! — and  upsetting  ! — and  rolling  to  the  bottom !  Yes ! 
yes !  after  all,  those  were  the  halcyon  days  !  And  so  for  a  time 
how  keen  that  morning  the  pangs  of  a  desolate  heart  as  I 
realized  the  immense  solitudes  around  me ! 

We  had  been  directed  to  cross  the  river  at  a  new  town,  which, 
on  reaching,  was  found  to  contain  one  log-house  half  finished, 
and  one  tent  belonging  to  a  Canadian  Frenchman,  and  some  In- 
dians. And  yet,  before  we  left  the  New  Purchase,  this  Sprouts- 
burg  had  become  a  village  to  be  seen  from  a  distance,  and  not 
many  years  after  contained  fourteen  retail  stores  ! — a  specimen 
of  our  wholesale  growth  in  the  West.  But  to  me  an  object  of 
great  interest  was  a  tall  young  Indian,  dressed  in  a  composite 
mode,  partly  barbarian,  partly  civilized.  His  pantaloons  were 
of  blue  cloth,  and  he  wore  a  roundabout  of  the  same;  while  his 
small  feet  were  tastefully  clad  with  sumptuously  wrought  moc- 
casins, and  his  head  encircled  with  a  woollen  or  ram-beaver  hat, 
banded  with  a  broad  tin  belt,  and  garnished  with  a  cockade ! 
He  was  -seemingly  about  eighteen  years  old ;  and  by  way  of 
favour  he  consented  to  ferry  us  over  the  water.  And  now, 
reader,  here  hast  thou  a  fair  token  that  this  work  is  true  as — 
most  history  ;  and  not  more  extravagant  than  our  puerile  school 
histories  for  beginners :  I  resist  the  temptation  of  having  our- 
selves skiffed  over  in  a  bark  canoe  !  For,  alas  !  we  crossed  in 
an  ugly  scow,  and  it  moved  by  a  pole ! 

Yet  was  it  nothing,  as  I  held  my  horse,  to  look  on  that  half 
reclaimed  son  of  the  forest,  while  he  urged  our  rude  flat-boat 
across  the  tumultuating  waters  of  a  river  with  an  Indian  name 
— W abash !  and  we  on  our  way  to  an  Indian  battle  field — Tip- 
pecanoe ! 

On  the  far  bank  we  galloped  into  one  of  many  narrow  traces 
along  the  river,  and  running  through  mazy  thickets  of  under- 
growth ;  and  shortly,  spite  of  our  many  directions  and  cautions, 
quite  as  bepuzzling  as  the  paths  themselves,  we  were  lost ; 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  333 

having  followed  some  deer  or  turkey  trail  till  it  miraculously 
disappeared,  the  animal  being  there  used  to  jump  off,  or  the  bird 
to  fly  up !  Then,  and  on  like  occasions,  we  put  in  towards  the 
river,  and  when  in  sight  or  hearing  of  its  waters,  sometimes 
without,  and  sometimes  with  a  "  blind  path,"  we  kept  up  stream 
the  best  we  could.  A  blind  path  has  that  name  because  it  tries 
the  eyes  and  often  requires  spectacles  to  find  it ;  or  because  one 
is  in  constant  jeopardy  of  having  the  eyes  blinded  or  struck  out 
by  unceremonious  limbs,  bushes,  branches,  and  sprays. 

Recent  high  water  had  formed  many  extemporary  lagoons, 
bayous  and  quagmires,  which  forced  us  often  away  from  the 
river  bank,  that  we  might  get  round  these  sullen  and  melan- 
choly lakes ;  although,  after  all  our  extra  riding,  we  commonly 
appeared  to  have  gone  farther  and  fared  worse ;  and  hence,  at 
last,  we  crossed  wherever  the  impediment  first  offered.  Once  a 
muddy  ravine  presented  itself;  and  as  the  difficulty  seemed  less 
than  usual,  we  began  our  crossing  with  little  or  no  circumspec- 
tion— and  yet  it  was,  truly,  a  most  dangerous  morass  !  Happily, 
we  entered  a  few  yards  below  the  worst  spot,  and  had  creatures 
used  to  floundering  through  beds  of  treacherous  and  almost 
bottomless  mire. 

I  had  small  space  to  notice  my  comrades,  for  my  noble  and 
spirited  animal,  finding  in  an  instant  the  want  of  a  solid  spot, 
by  instinct  exerted  her  entire  strength  in  a  succession  of  leaps 
so  sudden  and  violent  as  soon  to  displace  the  rider  from  the 
saddle;  and  when  she  gained  terra firma,  that  rider  was  on  her 
neck  instead  of  back.  A  leap  more  would  have  freed  her  neck 
of  the  encumbrance,  and  our  author  would  have  either  sunk  or 
have  done  his.  own  floundering.  He  stuck  to  the  neck,  not  by 
skill,  but  for  want  of  sufficient  time  to  fall  off!  Having  now 
opportunity  to  look  round,  we  saw  one  young  gentleman  wiping 
the  mud  from  his  eyes,  nose,  ears,  and  mouth — proof  that  all 
his  senses  had  been  open ;  and  the  other  we  saw  stand,  indeed, 
but  very  much  like  a  man  that  had  dismounted  hastily  and  not 
altogether  purposely — he  was  on  all  fours !  The  three  horses 
were  sorely  panting  and  trembling;  while  the  bosom  of  the 
quagmire  was  regaining  its  placidity  after  the  late  unusual  agi- 


334  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

tation,  and  in  a  few  moments  had  become  calm  and  deceitful  as 
policy  itself  when  for  the  people  it  has  sacrificed  its  friends! 

And  yet,  where  we  had  crossed,  the  mire  after  all  was  not  so 
very  deep — it  did  not,  we  were  told,  average  more  than  Jive  feet! 
But,  two  rods  above  and  one  below,  the  quaggery  required  a 
pole  to  touch  its  bottom  some  fifteen  feet  long !  And  this  we 
ascertained  by  trial,  and  also  from  the  squatter,  at  whose  cabin 
we  halted  a  moment,  just  one  mile  below — the  Field. 

Our  windings,  however,  brought  us  to  a  sight  mournful  and 
solemn — a  coffin  in  which  rested  an  Indian  babe!  This  rude 
coffin  was  supported  in  the  crotch  of  a  large  tree,  and  secured 
from  being  displaced  by  the  wind,  being  only  a  rough  trough 
dug  out  with  a  tomahawk,  and  in  which  was  deposited  the  little 
one,  and  having  another  similar  trough  bound  down  over  the 
body  with  strips  of  papaw. 

Sad  seemed  the  dreamless  sleep  of  the  poor  innocent  so 
separate  from  the  graves  of  its  fathers  and  the  children  of  its 
people!  Mournful  the  voice  of  leaves  whispering  over  the 
dead  in  that  sacred  tree!  The  rattling  of  naked  branches  there 
in  the  hoarse  winds  of  winter  ! — how  desolate !  And  yet  if  one 
after  death  could  lie  amid  thick  and  spicy  ever-green  branches 
near  the  dear  friends  left — instead  of  being  locked  in  the  damp 
vault !  or  trodden  like  clay  in  the  deep,  deep  grave ! 

But  would  that  bel rebellion  against  the  sentence  "dust  thou 
art,  and  unto  dust  shalt  thou  return  1" — then  let  our  bodies  be 
laid  in  the  silence  and  the  dark  till  the  morning  and  the  life ! 
But  see !  what  woodland  is  that  yonder  1  That  advanced  like 
the  apex  of  a  triangle  1  and  yet  as  we  now  approach  nearer  and 
nearer,  is  rising  up  and  has  become  an  elevated  plain  1  That 
is  Tippecanoe ! 

Yes!  this  is  Tippecanoe,  as  it  stood  some  twelve  years  after 
the  battle !  Tippecanoe  in  its  primitive  and  sacred  wilderness ! 
unscathed  by  the  axe,  unshorn  by  the  scythe,  unmarked  by 
roads,  unfenced !  We  are  standing  and  walking  among  the 
slain  warriors  !  Can  it  be  that  I  am  he,  who  but  yesterday  was 
roused  from  sleep  to  aid  in  "  setting  up  the  declaration  of  war 
against  Great  Britain,"  to  appear  as  an  extra  sheet  1  and  who, 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  335 

each  subsequent  week,  thrilled  as  I  "  composed"  in  the  "  iron 
stick"  accounts  of  battles  by  land  and  fights  at  sea? — in  the 
days  of  Maxwell  rollers  and  Ramage  presses  ! — and  of  hardy 
pressmen  in  paper  aprons  and  cloth  trowsers ! — long  before  the 
invasion  of  petticoats  and  check  aprons ! 

Oh!  ye  men  and  boys  of  ink  and  long  primer!  how  our 
spirits  were  stirred  to  phrensy  and  swelled  with  burnings  and 
longings  after  fame ! — while,  like  trumpeters  calling  to  battle, 
we  scattered  forth  our  papers  that  woke  up  the  souls  of  men ! 
Then  I  heard  of  Harrison  and  Tippecanoe ;  and  dreamed  even 
by  day  of  a  majestic  soldier  seated  on  his  charger,  and  his 
drawn  sword  flashing  its  lightnings,  and  his  voice  swelling  over 
the  din  of  battle,  like  the  blast  of  the  clarion ! — and  of  painted 
warriors,  like  demons,  rushing  with  the  knife  and  tomahawk 
upon  the  white  tents  away,  away  off  somewhere  in  the  unknown 
wilds — of  "shout,  and  groan,  and  sabre-stroke,  and  death- 
shots  falling  thick  and  fast  as  lightning  from  the  mountain 
cloud !"  And  do  I  stand,  and  without  a  dream  look  on — Tippe- 
canoe 1 

Even  so ! — for  see,  here  mouldering  are  trunks  of  trees  that 
formed  the  hasty  rampart ! — here  the  scars  and  seams  in  the 
trees  torn  by  balls  !  See  !  here  in  this  narrow  circle  are  skele- 
tons of,  let  me  count  again,  yes,  of  fourteen  war-horses !  But 
where  the  riders  1  Here,  under  this  beech — see,  the  record  in 
the  bark ! — we  stand  on  the  earth  over  the  dead — "  rider  and 
horse — friend — foe — in  one  red  burial  blent !" 

What  is  this  1 — the  iron  band  of  a  musket !  I  have  found  a 
rusty  bayonet !  Was  it  ever  wet  with  blood  ?  Perhaps  it  be- 
longed to  the  brave  soul  about  whom  the  squatter  gave  us  the 
following  anecdote: 

"A  party  of  United  States  regulars  were  stationed  there, 
and  with  strict  orders  for  none  to  leave  ranks.  An  Indian 
crawled  behind  this  large  log — it's  pretty  rotten  now  you  see — 
and  here  loading  and  firing  he  killed  four  or  five  of  us ;  while 
we  daresn't  quit  ranks  and  kill  him.  But  one  of  our  chaps  said 
to  the  nearest  officer — '  Leftenint !  for  heaven's  sake — gimme 
leaf  to  kill  that  red  devil  ahind  the  log — I'll  be  in  ranks  agin  in 


336  THE     NEW    PURCHASE. 

a  minute !'  '  My  brave  fellow,'  said  the  officer,  *  I  darn't  give 
you  leave — I  musn't  see  you  go.''  And  with  that  he  walked  off 
akeepin  his  back  towards  us;  and,  when  he  turned  and  got  back, 
our  soldier  was  in  ranks ;  but,  gentlemen,  his  bagnit  was  bloody, 
and  a  deep  groan  from  behind  this  here  old  log,  told  the  officer 
that  the  bagnit  had  silenced  the  rifle  and  avenged  the  fall  of  our 
messmates  and  comrades." 

If  the  reader  imagine  a  strip  of  woodland,  triangular  in  form, 
its  point  or  apex  jutting  a  kind  of  promontory  into  the  prairie 
whose  long  grass  undulates  like  the  waving  of  an  inland  sea ; 
if  on  one  side  of  this  woody  isle,  he  imagines  a  streamlet  about 
fifteen  feet  below  and  stealing  along  through  the  grass ;  and  on 
the  other  side,  here,  a  mile,  and  there,  two  miles  across  the 
prairie,  other  woodlands  hiding  the  Wabash  ;  and  if  he  imagines 
that  river,  at  intervals  gleaming  in  the  meadow,  like  illuminated 
parts  merely  of  the  grass-lake,  he  may  picture  for  himself  some- 
thing like  Tippecanoe  in  the  simplicity  of  "  uncurled"  nature, 
and  before  it  was  marred  and  desecrated  by  man's  transfor- 
mations ! 

The  first  intimation  of  the  coming  battle,  as  our  squatter, 
who  was  in  it,  said,  was  from  the  waving  grass.  A  sentinel  hid 
that  night  in  the  darkness  of  the  wood,  was  gazing  in  a  kind  of 
dreamy  watchfulness  over  the  prairie,  admiring,  as  many  times 
before,  the  beauteous  waving  of  its  hazy  bosom.  But  never  had 
it  seemed  so  strangely  agitated — a  narrow  and  strong  current 
was  setting  rapidly  towards  his  post;  and  yet  no  violent  wind 
to  give  the  stream  that  direction  !  He  became  first,  curious — 
soon,  suspicious.  Still  nothing  like  danger  appeared — no  voice — 
no  sound  of  footsteps — no  whisper  !  Yet  rapidly  and  steadily 
onward  sets  the  current — its  first  ripples  are  breaking  at  his 
feet !  He  awakes  all  his  senses — but  discovers  nothing — he 
strains  his  eyes  over  the  top  of  the  bending  grass — and  then, 
happy  thought !  he  kneels  on  the  earth  and  looks  intently  below 
that  grass !  Then,  indeed,  he  saw,  not  a  wind-moved  current — 
but  Indian  warriors  in  a  stooping  posture  and  stealing  noiseless 
towards  his  post — a  fatal  and  treacherous  under-current  in  that 
waving  grass ! 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  337 

The  sentinel  springing  to  his  feet  cried  out,  "Who  comes 
there  ?" 

"  Pottawatamie  !" — the  answer,  as  an  Indian  leaped  with  a 
yell  from  the  grass,  and  almost  in  contact  with  the  soldier — and 
then,  fell  back  with  a  death  scream  as  the  ball  of  the  sentinel's 
piece  entered  the  warrior's  heart,  and  gave  thus  the  signal  for 
combat ! 

Our  men  may  have  slumbered ;  for  it  was  a  time  of  treaty 
and  truce — but  it  was  in  armour  they  lay,  and  with  ready  wea- 
pons in  their  hands ;  and  it  was  to  this  precaution  of  their  gene- 
ral, we  owed  the  speedy  defeat  of  the  Indians;  although  not 
before  they  had  killed  about  seventy  of  our  little  army.  No 
one  can  properly  describe  the  horrors  of  that  night  attack — at 
least,  I  shall  not  attempt  it.  It  required  the  coolness  and  de- 
liberation, and  at  the  same  time,  the  almost  reckless  daring  and 
chivalric  behaviour  of  the  commander  and  his  noble  officers  and 
associates,  to  foil  such  a  foe,  and  at  such  a  time ;  even  with  the 
loss  of  so  many  brave  men  of  their  small  number.  That  the 
foe  was  defeated  and  driven  off  is  proof  enough  to  Western 
men — if  not  to  Eastern  politicians  who  do  battles  on  paper 
plains — that  all  was  anticipated  and  done  by  Harrison  that  was 
necessary.  It  would  not  become  a  work  like  this,  which  inex- 
perienced folks  may  not  think  is  quite  as  true  as  other  histories, 
to  meddle  with  the  history  of  an  honest  President;  but  the 
writer  knows,  and  on  the  best  authority,  that  General  Harrison 
did  that  night  all  that  a  wise,  brave,  and  benevolent  soldier 
ought  to  do  or  could  do ;  and  among  other  things,  that  his  per- 
son was  exposed  in  the  fiercest  and  bloodiest  fights  where  balls 
repeatedly  passed  through  his  clothes  and  his  cap. 

There  was,  however,  one  in  the  battle  so  generous,  so  chival- 
ric, so  kind,  and  yet  so  eccentric,  that  his  life  would  make  a 
volume  of  truth  more  exciting  than  fiction — the  celebrated 
Joseph  Hamilton  Davies,  familiarly  and  kindly  called  in  the 
West,  Joe  Davis.  A  lawyer  by  profession,  he  was  eminent  in 
all  pertaining  to  his  science  and  art;  but  preeminent  in  the 
adjustment  of  land  claims.  An  anecdote  about  him  on  this 
point  appeared  in  the  newspapers  some  years  since :  it  deserves 
15 


338  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

a  more  imperishable  record  in  a  work  destined  to  be  read  and 
preserved  in  so  many  families — maybe  ! 

A  person,  served  with  an  ejectment,  and  fearing  from  the 
length  of  his  adversary's  purse,  that  he  must  be  unjustly  de- 
prived of  his  lands,  came  from  a  great  distance  to  solicit  the  aid 
of  Davies.  He  succeeded  in  his  application,  and  was  dismissed 
with  an  assurance  that,  in  due  season,  the  lawyer  would  appear 
for  his  client  and  prevent  his  being  dispossessed. 

The  arena  of  contest  was,  as  has  been  intimated,  distant;  and 
hence  Davies  was  in  person  a  stranger  to  the  members  of  that 
court,  or  so  imperfectly  known  that  an  uncanonical  dress  would 
be  an  effectual  concealment.  His  client's  case  being  duly  called, 
matters  by  the  opposite  party  were  set  in  such  a  light  that  a 
verdict  from  the  jury,  and  a  decision  from  the  bench,  in  favour 
of  the  plaintiff  seemed  inevitable;  yet,  for  form's  sake,  the 
defendant  must  be  heard. 

The  poor  client  had  relied  so  entirely  on  Davies,  and  had 
felt  so  certain  of  being  secured  in  his  possessions,  as  to  have 
neglected  to  obtain  any  other  legal  aid — and  still,  at  this  criti- 
cal moment  when  he  was  to  be  summoned  for  his  defence — 
Davies  had  not  arrived  !  Nay  ! — while  earnestly  straining  his 
eyes,  the  client  was  even  rudely  jostled  by  a  rough  chap  in 
hunting  shirt  and  leather  breeches,  who  carrying  a  heavy  rifle 
in  his  hand  and  with  a  racoon-skin  cap  slouched  over  his  face, 
kept  squeezing  very  impudently  even  among  the  laughing  and 
good-natured  lawyers  inside  the  bar ;  where,  to  everybody's 
diversion,  he  appropriated  to  himself  a  seat  with  the  most  sim- 
ple and  awkward  naivete  possible ;  but  what  diversion  was  all 
this  to  our  client  looking  round  in  despair  for  his  lawyer !  And 
then  when  the  judge  asked  who  appeared  for  the  defendant, 
what  amazement  must  have  mingled  with  the  client's  despair 
when  at  the  call  up  rose  that  rude  hunter  and  replied : 
"  I  do,  please  your  honour !" 

"  You !" — replied  his  honour — "  who  are  you,  sir  ?" 
"  Joseph  Hamilton  Davies,  please  your  honour !" 
And  now  after  that  heavy  rifle  was  slowly  placed  in  a  snug 
corner  of  the  bar,  and  that  skin  cap  was  removed  from  the  head, 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  .'{'19 

plain  enough  was  it  that  the  noble  face,  no  longer  concealed, 
was  his ;  the  talented,  the  philanthropic,  the  eccentric  Joe  Davis. 
Never  before  had  so  much  law  been  cased  in  a  hunting  shirt 
and  buckskins ;  and  never  before  nor  since,  was,  or  has  been,  a 
difficult  cause  in  such  a  guise  pleaded  so  triumphantly :  for  the 
entire  superstructure  of  the  opposite  argument  was  completely 
subverted,  and  a  verdict  and  decision,  in  proper  time,  rendered 
for  the  defendant,  when  to  all  appearance  it  had  been  virtually 
made,  if  not  formally  declared,  for  his  antagonist. 

Alas  !  noble  heart !  and  here  is  thy  very  grave !  Yes, 
"J.  H.  D."  is  here  in  the  bark — my  finger  is  in  the  rude 
graving ! — and  now  at  the  root  of  the  tree  I  am  seated  making 
my  notes!  The  last  the  squatter  ever  saw  of  Joe  Davies  alive, 
was  \vhen  his  gray  horse  was  plunging  in  the  furious  charge 
down  this  hill — when  the  sentinel,  already  named,  had  fired  and 
called  "  to  arms !"  And  the  next  day  our  guide  helped  to  lay 
Davies  in  this  grave ;  and  saw  his  name  transferred  to  the  living 
monument  here  sheltering  and  fanning  his  sepulchre ! 

******* 

We  lingered  at  Tippecanoe  till  the  latest  possible  moment ! — 
there  was,  in  the  wildness  of  the  battle-field — in  my  intimate 
acquaintance  with  some  of  its  actors — in  the  living  trees,  scarred 
and  hacked  with  bullet  and  hatchet,  and  marked  with  names  of 
the  dead — in  the  wind  so  sad  and  melancholy — something  so 
like  embodied  trances,  that  I  wandered  the  field  all  over,  here 
standing  on  a  grave,  there  resting  on  a  decaying  bulwark ;  now 
counting  the  scars  of  trees,  now  the  skeleton  heads  of  horses ; 
finding  in  one  spot  a  remnant  of  some  iron  weapon,  in  another, 
the  bones  of  a  slain  soldier  dragged,  perhaps,  by  wild  beasts 
from  his  shallow  grave ! — till  my  young  comrades  insisted  on 
our  return  if  we  expected  to  reach  our  friend's  house  before  the 
darkness  of  night. 

Having,  accordingly,  deposited  in  my  valisse  a  few  relics  and 
mementos,  we  rode  down  the  hill  into  the  prairie,  at  the  spot 
poor  Davies  was  seen  descending  and  leading  a  charge;  and 
over  the  very  ground  where  the  grassy  current  had  betrayed 
the  dangerous  under-tide  of  painted  foes.  Hence  we  crossed 


340  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

over  to  the  town  whence  the  Indians  issued  for  the  attack,  and 
where  the  wily  prophet  himself  remained  in  safety,  concocting 
charms  against  the  white  man's  weapons !  After  this,  we 
turned  down  the  Wabash,  keeping  our  eyes  ever  directed  to- 
wards the  mournful  island  of  wood,  till  at  last  we  doubled  its 
cape,  and  lost  sight  of  Tippecanoe  for  ever ! 

That  field,  however,  and  its  hero  of  North  Bend,  are  im 
mortal. 


nf  '(Ei 


Within  the  shelter  of  the  primal  wood, 

An  isle  amid  the  prairie's  flow'ry  sea, 
Upon  his  midnight  watch,  our  sentry  stood, 

Guarding  the  slumbers  of  the  brave  and  free; 
And  o'er  the  swellings  of  a  seeming  tide, 

Dim  sparkling  in  the  moonlight's  silv'ry  haze, 
The  soldier  oft,  distrustful,  far  and  wide 

Sent  searching  looks,  or  fixed  his  steadfast  gaze. 

Long  had  he  watch  M  ;  and  still  each  grassy  wave 

Brought  nought  save  perfumes  to  the  tented  isle; 
Nor  sign  of  foe  the  fragrant  breezes  gave ; 

Till  thoughts  of  cabin-home  his  sense  beguile, 
Far  from  the  wilds:  for  yet,  though  fix'd  intent, 

As  if  his  eyes  discerned  a  coming  host, 
Those  moisten'd  eyes  are  on  his  lov'd  ones  bent — 

He  sleeps  not;  but  he  dreams  upon  his  post. 

Soldier!  what  current,  like  a  hastening  stream, 

Outstrips  the  flowing  of  yon  lagging  waves  ? 
Shake  off  the  fitters  of  thy  fatal  dream ! 

Quick !  save  thy  comrades  from  their  bloody  graves ! 
He  starts! — he  marks  the  prairie's  bosom  shake  1 

He  sees  that  current  to  the  woodland  near! 
He  kneels — uplcaps  and  cries — "Comrades  awake  1 

To  arms  1  to  arms ! — the  treach'rous  foe  is  here  I" 

"Like  mountain  torrent,  furious  gushing, 
The  warrior  tribe  is  on  us  rushing, — 
With  weapons  in  their  red  hands  gleaming, 
And  charmed  banners  from  them  streaming  I 
To  arms  I  to  arms !  ye  slumb'ring  brave  I 
To  arms ! — your  lives  and  honour  save !" 

Arm'd,  from  the  earth  our  host  is  springing; 
Their  sabres  forth  from  sheaths  are  ringing ; 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  341 

Their  chargers  mounted,  fierce  are  prancing; 
Their  serried  bay'nets  swift  advancing  : — 
44  Quick,  to  your  posts !"  the  general's  cry, 
Answer'd  "  We're  there,  to  do  or  die  1" 

Hand  to  hand,  within  that  solemn  wood, 

For  life,  fought  warriors  true  and  good ! 

The  hatchet  through  the  brain  went  crushing! 

The  bay'net  brought  the  heart  blood  gushing  I 

On  arrows'  feather'd  wings  death  went, 

Or  swift,  at  the  rifle  flash,  was  sent, 

Till  victor  shouts  the  air  was  rending, 

And  groans  the  wounded  forth  were  sending! 

"Charge!  soldiers,  charge!"  brave  Davies  shouted ; 

They  charg'd ;  the  yelling  foe  was  routed : — 

Yet  long  before  that  foe  was  flying, 

That  hero,  on  the  plain,  was  dying ! 

That  prairie  lake  rolls  peaceful  waves  no  more  ; 

Its  bosom  rages  'neath  a  tempest  pow'r — 
See !  driven  midst  it,  from  the  woodland  shore, 

Fierce  bands  rush  vanquish'd  from  a  deadly  show'rl 
And  gleaming  steel,  and  lead  and  iron  hail 

Pour  vengeful  out  of  war's  dark  sky, 
'Mid  shriek,  and  fright,  and  groan,  and  dying  wail, 

And  triumph's  voice,  "Charge  home!  they  fly!" 

Solemn  the  pomp  where  mourning  heroes  tread 
With  arms  revers'd,  and  measur'd  step,  and  slow! 

Sadly,  yet  proud,  is  borne  their  comrade  dead, 
Their  warlike  ensigns  bound  with  badge  of  woe ! 

Sublime,  though  plaintive,  pours  the  clarion's  tone! 
The  heart,  whfle  bow'd,  is  stirred  by  muffled  drum! 

But  stand  within  that  far-off  wild  wood  lone, 
Where  prairie  scented  winds,  with  dirges,  come, 

Where  the  rough  bark,  rude  grav'd  with  hunter's  knife, 
Points  to  the  spot  where  Davies  rests  below, 

And  relics  scatter'd,  tell  of  bloodiest  strife- 
Heart  gushing  tears  from  dimming  eyes  must  flow! 

And  round  thy  mournful  bier,  our  warrior  sage, 
Who  rushing  reckless  to  each  fiercest  fight, 

Didst  fall  a  victim  to  no  foeman's  rage 
Amid  the  carnage  of  that  fearful  night, 

A  nation,  yet  in  tears,  has  smitten  stood 
Grieving  o'er  thee  with  loud  and  bitter  cry  I 

Best  thee,  our  hero  of  that  island  wood  I 

Worthy  in  thine  own  ransom'd  West  to  lie ! 

When  floating  down  Ohio's  grand  old  wave, 
Our  eyes  shall  tnrn  to  where  his  forests  stand, 

Stretching  dark  branches  o'er  our  chieftain's  grave- 
Father  and  saviour  of  tho  Western's  land ! 


342  THE     NEW      PURCHASE. 


CHAPTER    XLVII. 

"  For  now  I  stand  as  one  upon  a  rock 
Environed  with  a  wilderness  of  sea." 

LATE  at  night  we  arrived  safe  at  Dr.  Charille's.  The  next 
day  we  set  out  for  Woodville,  choosing  on  the  return  other 
paths,  to  avoid  former  difficulties  and  dangers ;  by  which  pru- 
dence, however,  we  only  reversed  matters  ;  for  instance,  instead 
of  water  before  a  swamp,  we  got  the  swamp  before  the  water — 

"  Mr.  Carlton,  we  are  tired  of  the  mud  and  water " 

I  think  I  could  make  it  interesting  

"  Yes — but  what's  the  use  of  such  stuff " 

La  !  that's  so  like  what  Aunt  Kitty  said,  when  I  got  to  Wood- 
ville, all  dirty  and  tired — my  new  boots  thick  with  exterior 
mud — my  best  coat  altogether  spoiled — my  fur  hat  crushed  into 
fancy  shapes,  and  the  seat  of  my  corduroy  inexpressibles 
abraded  to  the  finest  degree  of  tenuosity  at  all  consistent  with 
comfort  and  decorum ! 


CHAPTER    XLVIII. 

"  And  it  came  to  pass  at  noon,  that  Elijah  mocked  them." 

Vide  an  Ancient  Record. 

" Let  me  see  wherein 

My  tongue  hath  wrong'd  him :  if  it  do  him  right, 
Then  he  hath  wrong'd  himself: — if  he  be  free, 
Why  then,  my  taxing,  like  a  wild  goose,  flies, 
Unclaimed  of  any  man." 

ON  the  last  day  of  the  return  to  Woodville,  we  met  at  inter- 
vals during  the  final  half-dozen  miles,  not  less  than  one  dozen 
wagons,  large  and  small,  and  partially  loaded,  some  with  beds 
and  bedding,  and  some  with  culinary  utensils  ;  the  interstices 
being  filled  with  a  wedging  of  human  bodies — men,  women,  and 
children,  some  laughing  and  talking,  others  solemn  and  demure. 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  343 

They  seemed  at  first  view  settlers,  who  having  sold  to  advan- 
tage old  farms,  were  flitting  to  where  wood  and  game  were  more 
abundant,  and  neighbours  not  crowded  offensively  under  other's 
noses,  as  near  as  one  or  two  miles.  But  soon  appeared  people 
riding  once,  twice,  and  even  thrice  on  a  horse  ;  and  some  kind- 
hearted  horses,  like  the  nameless  one,  were  carrying  on  their 
backs  whole  families  ;  and  then  it  was  plain  enough  what  was 
meant — a  big  meeting  was  to  come  off  somewhere.  And 
shortly  all  doubt  was  at  an  end,  when  familiar  soprano  and  alto 
voices  from  under  wagon  covers,  and  out  of  scoop-shovelled 
bonnets  came  forth  thus — "  How'd  do  !  Mr.  Carlton  ? — come, 
won't  you  go  to  camp  meetinf  And  then  sounded,  from 
extra  devotional  parties  and  individuals,  snatches  of  favourite 
religious  songs,  fixed  to  trumpet  melodies,  such  as  "  Glory  ! 
glory !  glory  !" — "  He's  a  coming,  coming,  coming  !" — "  Come, 
let  us  march  on,  march  on,  march  on !"  and  the  like ;  and  the 
saintly  voices  were  ever  and  anon  oddly  commingled  with  some 
very  unsanctimonious  laughing,  not  intended  for  irreverence,  but 
not  properly  suppressed  at  some  ill-timed  joke  in  another 
quarter,  related  perhaps,  yet  more  probably  practised.  For 
nothing  excels  the  fun  and  frolic,  where  two  or  three  dozen  half- 
tamed  young  gentlemen  and  ladies,  mounted  on  spirited  and 
mischievous  horses,  set  out  together  to  attend  a  Mormon,  a 
Shaking-quaker,  or  a  Millery  or  a  Camp-meeting  . 

At  the  very  edge  of  Woodville,  too,  there  met  us  a  com- 
fortable looking  middle-aged  woman,  who  was  riding  a  horse, 
and  was  without  any  bonnet ;  her  other  apparel  being  in  some 
disorder,  and  her  hair  illy  done  up  and  barely  restrained  by  a 
horn  comb.  She  thus  addressed  me  : — 

"  I  say,  Mister,  you  haint  seen  nara  bonnit  ?M 
"  Bonnet ! — no,  ma'am ;  iiave  you  lost  your  bonnet  1" 
"Yes — I've  jist  had  a  powerful  exercise  over  thare  in  the 
Court-house ;  and  when  I  kirn  to,  I  couldn't  see  my  bonnit  no 

whare  about " 

"  Has  there  been  meeting  in  the  Court-house  lately  ?" 
"  Oh !  bless  you,  most  powerful  time — and  it's  there  IVe 
jist  got  religion " 


344  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

"  And  lost  your  bonnet  ?" 

"  Yes,  sir — but  some  said  as  it  maybe  mought  a-gone  on  to 
camp  with  somebody's  plunder  :  you  didn't  see  or  hear  tell  on 
it,  did  you  ?" 

"No,  I  did  not;  but  had  you  really  no  power  over  your 
bonnet,  ma'am  ?" 

"  Well !  now  ! — who  ever  heern  of  a  body  in  a  exercise,  a 
thinkin  on  a  bonnit !  Come,  mister,  you'd  better  turn  round 
and  go  to  camp  and  git  religion  yourself,  I  allow — thar's  whar 
all  the  town  a'most  and  all  the  settlemints  round  is  agoin — 
but  I'll  have  to  whip  up  and  look  after  my  bonnit,  good  bye, 
mister !" 

And  so  all  Woodville  and  its  vicinities  were  in  the  ferment 
of  departure  for  a  camp-meeting !  Now  as  this  was  to  be  a 
big  meeting  of  the  biggest  size,  and  all  the  crack  preachers 
within  a  circle  of  three  hundred  miles  were  to  be  present,  and 
also  a  celebrated  African  exhorter  from  Kentucky,  and  as  much 
was  said  about  "  these  heaven-directed,  and  heaven-blessed,  and 
heaven-approved  campings ;"  and  as  I,  by  a  constant  refusal  to 
attend  heretofore,  had  become  a  suspected  character,  it  being 
often  said, — "  yes, — Carlton's  a  honest  sort  of  man,  but  why 
dont't  he  go  out  to  camp  and  git  religion  ?" — I  determined  now 
to  go. 

Why  whole  families  should  once  or  twice  a  year  break  up  for 
two  weeks ;  desert  domestic  altars ;  shut  up  regular  churches  ; 
and  take  away  children  from  school ;  why  cook  lots  of  food  at 
extra  trouble  and  with  ill-bestowed  expense ;  why  rush  to  the 
woods  and  live  in  tents,  with  peril  to  health  and  very  often  ulti- 
mately with  loss  of  life  to  feeble  persons ;  why  folks  should  do 
these  and  other  things  under  a  belief  that  the  Christian  God  is 
a  God  of  the  woods  and  not  of  the  towns,  of  the  tents  and  not 
of  the  churches,  of  the  same  people  in  a  large  and  disorderly 
crowd  and  not  in  one  hundred  separate  and  orderly  congregations 
— why  1  why  ?  I  had  in  my  simplicity  repeatedly  asked,  and  re- 
ceived for  answer : 

"  Oh  !  come  and  see  !     Only  come  to  camp  and  git  your  cold 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  345 

heart  warmed — come  git  religion — let  it  out  with  a  shout — and 
you'll  not  axe  them  infidel  sort  of  questions  no  more." 

This  was  conclusive.  And  like  the  vicar  of  Wakefield,  I  re- 
solved not  always  to  be  wise,  but  for  once  to  float  with  a  tide 
neither  to  be  stemmed  nor  directed.  A  friend,  learned  in  these 
spiritual  affairs,  advised  me  not  to  go  till  Saturday  night,  or  so 
as  to  be  on  the  ground  by  daylight  on  Sunday.  This  I  did,  and 
was  handsomely  rewarded  by  seeing  and  hearing  some  very 
extraordinary  conversions — as  far  as  they  went ;  and  also  some 
wonderful  scenes  and  outcries. 

The  camp  was  an  old  and  favourite  ground,  eight  miles  from 
Woodville.  It  had  been  the  theatre  of  many  a  spirit-stirring 
drama ;  and  there,  too,  many  a  harvest  of  glory  had  been 
reaped  in  battling  with  "  the  devil  and  his  legions."  Yet  won- 
derful !  his  satanic  majesty  never  became  shy  of  a  spot  where 
he  was  said  always  to  have  the  worst  of  the  fight !  and  now  it 
was  commonly  said  and  believed,  that  a  prodigious  great  contest 
was  to  come  off;  and  "  hell-defying"  challenges  had  been  given 
in  some  Woodville  pulpits,  for  Satan  to  come  out  and  do  his 
prettiest.  Nay,  by  certain  prophets  that  seemed  to  have  the 
gift  of  discerning  spirits,  it  was  "  allowed  he  was  now  out  at 
camp  in  great  force — that  some  powerful  fights  would  be  seen, 
but  that  Satin  would  agin  and  agin  git  the  worst  of  it." 

The  camp  proper  was  a  parallelogramic  clearing,  and  was 
most  of  the  day  shaded  by  the  superb  forest  trees,  which  ad- 
mitted, here  and  there,  a  little  mellow  sunshine  to  gleam  through 
the  dense  foliage  upon  their  own  dark  forms,  quivering  in  a  kind 
of  living  shadow  over  the  earth.  At  night  the  camp  was  illu- 
minated by  lines  of  fires,  kindled  and  duly  sustained  on  the  tops 
of  many  altars  and  columns  of  stone  and  log-masonry — a  truly 
noble  and  grand  idea,  peculiar  to  the  West.  Indeed,  to  the 
imaginative,  there  is  very  much  to  bewitch  in  the  poetry  and 
romance  of  a  western  camp-meeting  : — the  wildness,  the  gloom, 
the  grandeur  of  our  forests — the  gleaming  sunlight  by  day,  as 
if  good  spirits  were  smiling  on  the  sons  of  light,  in  their  victo- 
ries over  the  children  of  darkness — the  clear  blue  sky,  like  a 
dome  over  the  tents — that  dome,  at  night,  radiant  with  golden 
15* 


340  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

stars,  like  glories  of  heaven  streaming  through  the  apertures  of 
the  concave  !  And  the  moon  ! — how  like  a  spirit-world,  a  resi- 
dence of  ransomed  ones  !  The  very  tents,  too  ! — formed  like 
booths  at  the  feast  of  tabernacles,  and  seeming  to  be  full  of  joy- 
ous hearts — a  community  having  all  things  common,  dead  to  the 
world,  just  ready  to  enter  heaven !  And  when  the  trumpet  sounded 
for  singing ! — the  enthusiastic  performance  of  child-like  tunes, 
poured  from  the  hearts  of  two  thousand  raptured  devotees,  till 
the  bosom  of  the  wilderness  trembles  and  rejoices  while  it  rolls 
over  its  wooded  hills,  and  through  its  dark  valleys  the  echo  of 
the  paean,  with  the  peal  of  deep  thunder  and  the  roar  of  rushing 
whirlwinds  ! 

Under  the  direction  of  wise  and  talented  men,  a  camp-meet- 
ing may  possibly  be  a  means  of  a  little  permanent  good  ;  but, 
with  the  best  management,  it  is  a  doubtful  means  of  much  moral 
and  spiritual  good — nay,  it  cannot  long  be  used  in  a  cautious 
and  sober  way.  In  religion,  as  in  all  other  affairs,  where  the 
main  dependence  is  on  expedients  to  reach  the  moral  man 
through  the  fancy  and  imagination,  what  begins  in  poetry  must 
soon  end  in  prose.  Nay,  if  a  religious  meeting  be  protracted 
beyond  one  or  two  days,  novelties  must  be  introduced  ;  and 
such  are  invariably  exciting  and  entertaining,  but  never  spiritual 
and  instructive ;  if  not  introduced,  the  meeting  becomes,  in  the 
opinion  of  the  majority,  stale.  Heat,  and  flame,  and  smoke, 
constitute,  with  most,  "  a  good  meeting."  Nay,  again,  and  yea, 
also,  \hejinal  result  of  man-contrived  means  and  measures  is  at 
war  with  true  courtesy,  uncensorious  feelings,  the  cheerful  dis- 
charge of  daily  secular  duties,  and  the  culture  of  the  intellect. 
The  whole  is  selfish  in  tendency,  and  promotive  of  presumptuous 
confidence,  and  a  contemptible  self-righteousness.  Adequate 
reasons  enough  may  be  assigned  for  the  popularity  of  camp- 
meetings,  and  none  of  them  essentially  religious  or  even  praise- 
worthy ;  although  many  essentially  worthy  and  religious  per- 
sons both  advocate  and  attend  such  places  ;  for  instance,  the 
love  of  variety  and  novelty — the  desire  of  excitements — roman- 
tic feelings — tedium  of  common  every-day  life — love  of  good 
fellowship — and  even  a  willingness  to  obtain  a  cheap  religious 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  347 

character — and,  also,  a  secret  hope  that  we  please  God,  and 
merit  heaven  for  so  extraordinary  and  long-continued  devotion. 
Add,  our  innate  love  of  pageantry,  inclining  us  not  only  to  be- 
hold scenes,  but  to  make  and  be  a  part  of  scenes ;  for  even  in 
this  sense — "All  the  world's  a  stage,  and  all  the  men  and 
women  merely  players." 

A  camp-meeting  might,  indeed,  be  reformed ;  and  so  might  the 
theatre — but  the  one  event  is  no  more  probable  than  the  other : 
and  as  a  reformed  theatre  would  be  little  visited,  so  we  apprehend, 
would  be  a  reformed  camp-meeting.  The  respective  abuses  of 
both  are  essential  to  their  existence.  But  this  is  digressing. 

The  tents  were,  in  a  measure,  permanent  fixtures ;  the  up- 
rights and  cross  pieces  remaining  from  season  to  season ;  but  now 
all  were  garnished  with  fresh  and  green  branches  and  coverings. 
These  tents  formed  the  sides  of  the  parallelogram,  intervals  be- 
ing left  in  suitable  places  for  alleys  and  scaffolds  ;  while  in  the 
woods  were  other  more  soldierly-looking  tents  of  linen  or  can- 
vass, and  pitched  in  true  war  style ;  although  not  a  few  tents 
were  mere  squares  of  sheets,  coverlets,  and  table-cloths.  Also 
for  tents  were  up  propped  some  twenty  or  thirty  carts  and 
wagons,  and  furnished  with  a  chair  or  two,  and  some  sort  of 
sleeping  apparatus.  In  the  rear  of  the  regular  tents,  and,  in- 
deed, of  many  others,  were  places  and  fixtures  for  kindling  a 
fire  and  boiling  water  for  coffee,  tea,  chocolate,  etc.,  etc. — a  few 
culinary  operations  being  yet  needed  beyond  the  mountains  of 
food  brought  from  home,  ready  for  demolition. 

Indeed,  a  camp-meeting  out  there  is  the  most  mammoth  pic- 
nic possible  ;  and  it  is  one's  own  fault,  saint  or  sinner,  if  he  gets 
not  enough  to  eat,  and  that  the  best  the  land  affords.  It  would 
be  impossible  even  for  churlish  persons  to  be  stingy  in  the  open 
air ;  the  ample  sky  above,  and  the  boundless  woods  around ; 
the  wings  of  gay  birds  flashing  in  sunshine,  and  the  squirrels 
racing  up  gigantic  trunks,  and  barking  and  squeaking  amid  the 
grand  branches ;  and  what  then,  must  be  the  effect  of  all  on  the 
proverbially  open-hearted  native  born  Westerns  1  Ay  !  the 
native  Corn-Cracker,  Hooker,  Buckeye,  and  all  men  and  women 
"  born  in  a  cane-brake,  and  rocked  in  a  sugar-trough" — all  born 


348  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

to  follow  a  trail  and  cock  an  old-fashioned  lock-rifle — all  such  are 
open-hearted,  fearless,  generous,  chivalric,  even  in  spite  of  much 
filth  and  scum,  and  base  leaven  from  foreign  places.  And  hence, 
although  no  decided  friend  to  camp-meetings,  spiritually,  and 
morally  and  theologically  considered,  we  do  say  that  at  a  Western 
camp-meeting,  as  at  a  barbecue,  the  very  heart  and  soul  of  hos- 
pitality and  kindness  is  wide  open,  and  poured  freely  forth. 
We  can,  maybe,  equal  it  in  here  ;  but  we  rarely  try. 

Proceed  we  now  to  things  spiritual.  And  first,  we  give  notice 
that  attention  will  be  paid  only  to  grand  matters,  and  that  very 
many  episodial  things  are  omitted,  such  as  incidental  exhorta- 
tions and  prayers  from  authorized,  as  well  as  unauthorized  folks, 
male  and  female,  whose  spirits  often  suddenly  stirred,  and  not 
to  be  controlled  like  those  of  old-fashioned  prophets,  forced  our 
friends  to  speak  out,  like  quaker  ladies  and  gentlemen  in  re- 
formed meetings,  and  even  when  they  have  nothing  to  say ;  and 
also  will  be  omitted  all  irregular  outcries,  groans,  shouts,  and 
bodily  exercises,  subordinate,  indeed,  to  grand  chorusses  and 
contests,  but  otherwise  beginning  without  adequate  cause,  and 
ending  in  nothing. 

The  camp  was  furnished  with  several  stands  for  preaching, 
exhorting,  jumping  and  jerking ;  but  still  one  place  was  the 
pulpit,  above  all  others.  This  was  a  large  scaffold,  secured 
between  two  noble  sugar  trees,  and  railed  in  to  prevent 
from  falling  over  in  a  swoon,  or  springing  over  in  an  ec- 
stacy ;  its  cover  the  dense  foliage  of  the  trees,  whose  trunks 
formed  the  graceful  and  massive  columns.  Here  was  said  to 
be  also  the  altar — but  I  could  not  see  its  horns  or  any  sacri- 
fice ;  and  the  pen,  which  I  did  see — a  place  full  of  clean  straw, 
where  were  put  into  fold  stray  sheep  willing  to  return.  It 
was  at  this  pulpit,  with  its  altar  and  pen,  the  regular  preach- 
ing was  done  ;  around  here  the  congregation  assembled  ;  hence 
orders  were  issued  ;  here,  happened  the  hardest  fights,  and  were 
gained  the  greatest  victories,  being  the  spot  where  it  was  under- 
stood Satan  fought  in  person  ;  and  here  could  be  seen  gestures 
the  most  frantic,  and  heard  noises  the  most  unimaginable,  and 
often  the  most  appalling.  It  was  the  place,  in  short,  where 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  340 

most  crowded  either  with  praiseworthy  intentions  of  getting 
some  religion,  or  with  unholy  purposes  of  being  amused  ;  we, 
of  course,  designing  neither  one  nor  the  other,  but  only  to  see 
philosophically  and  make  up  an  opinion.  At  every  grand  out- 
cry a  simultaneous  rush  would,  however,  take  place  from  all 
parts  of  the  camp,  proper  and  improper,  towards  the  pulpit, 
altar,  and  pen ;  till  the  crowding,  by  increasing  the  suffocation 
and  the  fainting,  would  increase  the  tumult  and  the  uproar ;  but 
this,  in  the  estimation  of  many  devotees,  only  rendered  the 
meeting  more  lively  and  interesting. 

By  considering  what  was  done  at  this  central  station  one  may 
approximate  the  amount  of  spiritual  labour  done  in  a  day,  and 
then  a  week  in  the  whole  camp  : 

1.  About  day-break  on  Sabbath  a  horn  blasted  us  up  for  public 
prayer  and  exhortation,  the  exercises  continuing  nearly  two  hours. 

2.  Before   breakfast,  another  blast   for  family  and    private 
prayer ;    and  then   every  tent  became,  in  camp  language,  "  a 
bethel  of  struggling  Jacobs  and  prevailing  Israels  ;"  every  tree 
"  an  altar ;"  and  every  grove  "  a  secret  closet ;"  till  the  air  all 
became  religious  words  and  phrases,  and  vocal  with  "  Amens." 

3.  After  a  proper  interval  came  a  horn  for  the  forenoon  ser- 
vice ;  then  was  delivered  the  sermon,  and  that  followed  by  an 
appendix  of  some  half  dozen  exhortations  let  off  right  and  left, 
and  even  behind  the  pulpit,  that  all  might  have  a  portion  in  due 
season. 

4.  We  had  private  and  secret  prayer  again  before  dinner  ; — 
some  clambering  into  thick  trees  to  be  hid,  but  forgetting  in 
their  simplicity,  that  they  were  heard  and  betrayed.     But  reli- 
gious devotion  excuses  all  errors  and  mistakes. 

5.  The  afternoon  sermon  with  its  bob-tail  string  of  exhorta- 
tions. 

6.  Private  and  family  prayer  about  tea  time. 

7.  But  lastly,  we  had  what  was  termed  "  a  precious  season," 
in  the  third  regular  service  at  the  principia  of  the  camp.     This 
season  began  not  long  after  tea  and  was  kept  up  long  after  I  left 
the  ground  ;  which  was  about  midnight.     And  now  sermon  after 
sermon  and  exhortation  after  exhortation  followed  like  shallow, 


350  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

foaming,  roaring  waters  ;  till  the  speakers  were  exhausted  and 
the  assembly  became  an  uneasy  and  billowy jnass,  now  hushing 
to  a  sobbing  quiescence,  and  now  rousing  by  the  groans  of  sin- 
ners and  the  triumphant  cries  of  folks  that  had  "jist  got  reli- 
gion ;"  and  then  again  subsiding  to  a  buzzy  state  occasioned  by 
the  whimpering  and  whining  voices  of  persons  giving  spiritual 
advice  and  comfort !  How  like  a  volcanic  crater  after  the 
evomition  of  its  lava  in  a  fit  of  burning  cholic,  and  striving  to 
resettle  its  angry  and  tumultuating  stomach  ! 

It  is  time,  however,  to  speak  of  the  three  grand  services  and 
their  concomitants,  and  to  introduce  several  master  spirits  of 
the  camp. 

Our  first  character,  is  the  Reverend  Elder  Sprightly.  This 
gentleman  was  of  good  natural  parts;  and  in  a  better  school 
of  intellectual  discipline  and  more  fortunate  circumstances,  he 
must  have  become  a  worthy  minister  of  some  more  tasteful, 
literary,  and  evangelical  sect.  As  it  was,  he  had  only  become, 
what  he  never  got  beyond — "  a  very  smart  man  ;"  and  his  aim 
had  become  one — to  enlarge  his  own  people.  And  in  this  work, 
so  great  was  his  success,  that,  to  use  his  own  modest  boastful- 
ness  in  his  sermon  to-day, — "although  folks  said  when  he  came 
to  the  Purchase  that  a  single  corn-crib  would  hold  his  people, 
yjet,  bless  the  Lord,  they  had  kept  spreading  and  spreading  till 
all  the  corn-cribs  in  Egypt  wern't  big  enough  to  hold  them  !" 

He  was  very  happy  at  repartee,  as  Robert  Dale  Owen  well 
knows  ;  and  not  "  slow"  (inexpert)  in  the  arts  of  "  taking  off" 
— and — "  giving  them  their  own."  This  trait  we  shall  illustrate 
by  an  instance. 

Mr.  Sprightly  was,  by  accident,  once  present  where  a  Camp- 
bellite  Baptist,  that  had  recently  taken  out  a  right  for  adminis- 
tering six  doses  of  lobelia,  red  pepper  and  steam,  to  men's 
bodies,  and  a  plunge  into  cold  water  for  the  good  of  their  souls, 
was  holding  forth  against  all  Doctors,  secular  and  sacred,  and 
very  fiercely  against  Sprightly 's  brotherhood.  Doctor  Lobelia's 
text  was  found  somewhere  in  Pope  Campbell's  New  Testament; 
as  it  suited  the  following  discourse  introduced  with  the  usual  in- 
spired preface : — 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  351 


Bnrtnt  Intolia's  imitntL 

"  Well,  I  never  rub'd  my  back  agin  a  collige,  nor  git  no 
sheepskin,  and  allow  the  Apostuls  didn't  nithur.  Did  anybody 
ever  hear  of  Peter  and  Poll  a-goin  to  them  new-fangled  places 
and  gitten  skins  to  preach  by  ?  No,  sirs,  I  allow  not;  no  sirs, 
we  don't  pretend  tdloguk — this  here  new  testament's  sheepskin 
enough  for  me.  And  don't  Prisbeteruns  and  tother  baby 
sprinklurs  have  reskorse  to  loguk  and  skins  to  show  how  them 
what's  emerz'd  didn't  go  down  into  the  water  and  come  up 
agin  ?  And  as  to  Sprightly's  preachurs,  don't  they  dress  like 
big-bugs,  and  go  ridin  about  the  Purchis  on  hunder-dollur  hossis, 
a-spunginin  on  poor  priest-riden  folks  and  a-eatin  fried  chickin 
fixins  so  powerful  fast  that  chickins  has  got  skerse  in  these  dig- 
gins  ;  and  them  what  ain't  fried  makes  tracks  and  hides  when 
they  sees  them  a-comin  1 

"But,  dear  bruthrun,  we  don't  want  store  cloth  and  yaller 
buttins,  and  fat  hossis  and  chickin  fixins,  and  the  like  doins — 
no,  sirs !  we  only  wants  your  souls — we  only  wants  beleevur's 
baptism — we  wants  prim — prim — yes,  Apostul's  Christianity, 
the  Christianity  of  Christ  and  them  times,  when  Christians  was 
Christians,  and  tuk  up  thare  cross  and  went  down  into  the  water, 
and  was  buried  in  the  gineine  sort  of  baptism  by  enrerzhin. 
That's  all  we  wants  ;  and  I  hope  all's  convinced  that's  the  true 
way — and  so  let  all  come  right  out  from  among  them  and  git 
beleevur's  baptism ;  and  so  now  if  any  brothur  wants  to  say  a 
word  I'm  done,  and  I'll  make  way  for  him  to  preach." 

Anticipating  this  common  invitation,  our  friend  Sprightly,  in- 
dignant at  this  unprovoked  attack  of  Doctor  Lobelia,  had,  in 
order  to  disguise  himself,  exchanged  his  clerical  garb  for  a 
friend's  blue  coatee  bedizzened  with  metal  buttons;  and  also 
had  erected  a  very  tasteful  and  sharp  coxcomb  on  his  head,  out 
of  hair  usually  reposing  sleek  and  quiet  in  the  most  saint-like 
decorum ;  and  then,  at  the  bid  from  the  pulpit-stump,  out 
stepped  Mr.  Sprightly  from  the  opposite  spice-wood  grove,  and 
advanced  with  a  step  so  smirky  and  dandyish  as  to  create  uni- 


352  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

versal  amazement  and  whispered  demands — "  Why  !  who's 
that  ?"  And  some  of  his  very  people,  who  were  present,  as 
they  told  me,  did  not  know  their  preacher  till  his  clear,  sharp 
voice,  came  upon  the  hearing,  when  they  showed,  by  the  sudden 
lifting  of  hands  and  eyebrows,  how  near  they  were  to  exclaim- 
ing— "  Well!  I  never!" 

Stepping  on  to  the  consecrated  stump,  our  friend,  without 
either  preliminary  hymn  or  prayer,  commenced  thus  : — 

"  My  friends,  I  only  intend  to  say  a  few  words  in  answer  to 
the  pious  brother  that's  just  sat  down,  and  shall  not  detain  but 
a  few  minutes.  The  pious  brother  took  a  good  deal  of  time  to 
tell  what  we  soon  found  out  ourselves — that  he  never  went  to 
college,  and  don't  understand  logic.  He  boasts  too  of  having 
no  sheep-skin  to  preach  by  ;  but  I  allow  any  sensible  buck-sheep 
would  have  died  powerful  sorry,  if  he'd  ever  thought  his  hide 
would  come  to  be  handled  by  some  preachers.  The  skin  of  the 
knowingest  old  buck  couldn't  do  some  folks  any  good — some 
things  salt  won't  save. 

"I  rather  allow  Johnny  Calvin's  boys  and  "tother  baby 
sprinklers,'  ain't  likely  to  have  they  idees  physicked  out  of  them 
by  steam  logic,  and  doses  of  No.  6.  They  can't  be  steamed  up 
so  high  as  to  want  cooling  by  a  cold  water  plunge.  But  I  want 
to  say  a  word  about  Sprightly's  preachers,  because  I  have  some 
slight  acquaintance  with  that  there  gentleman,  and  don't  choose 
to  have  them  all  run  down  for  nothing. 

"  The  pious  brother  brings  several  grave  charges  ;  first,  they 
ride  good  horses.  Now  don't  every  man,  woman,  and  child  in 
the  Purchase  know  that  Sprightly  and  his  preachers  have  hardly 
any  home,  and  that  they  live  on  horseback  1  The  money  most 
folks  spend  in  land,  these  men  spend  for  a  good. horse;  and 
don't  they  need  a  good  horse  to  stand  mud  and  swim  floods  ? 
And  is  it  any  sin  for  a  horse  to  be  kept  fat  that  does  so  much 
work  ?  The  book  says  '  a  merciful  man  is  merciful  to  his 
beast,'  and  that  we  mustn't  '  muzzle  the  ox  that  treadeth  out  the 
corn.'  Step  round  that  fence  corner,  and  take  a  peep,  dear 
-friends,  at  a  horse  hung  on  the  stake ;  what's'  he  like  ?  A 
wooden  frame  with  a  dry  hide  stretched  over  it.  What's  he 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  853 

live  on!  Ay?  that's  the  pint?  Well,  what's  them  buzzards 
after? — look  at  them  sailing  up  there.  Now  who  owns  that 
live  carrion  ? — the  pious  brother  that's  preached  to  us  just  now. 
And  I  want  to  know  if  it  wouldn't  be  better  for  him  to  give  that 
dumb  brute  something  to  cover  his  bones,  before  he  talks  against 
'  hunder  dollur  hossis'  and  the  like  ? 

"The  next  charge  is,  wearing  good  clothes.  Friends,  don't 
all  folks  when  they  come  to  meeting  put  on  their  best  clothes  ? 
and  wouldn't  it  be  wrong  if  preachers  came  in  old  torn  coats 
,and  dirty  shirts  ?  It  wouldn't  do  no  how.  Well,  Sprightly  and 
his  preachers  preach  near  about  every  day ;  and  oughtn't  they 
always  to  look  decent !  Take  then  a  peep  at  the  pious  brother 
that  makes  this  charge ;  his  coat  is  out  at  the  elbow,  and  has 
only  three  or  four  buttons  left,  and  his  arm,  where  he  wipes  his 
nose  and  mouth,  is  shiney  as  a  looking  glass — his  trowsers  are 
crawling  up  to  show  he's  got  no  stockings  on  ;  and  his  face  has 
got  a  crop  of  beard  two  weeks  old  and  couldn't  be  cleaned  by 
4  baby  sprinklin ;'  yes,  look  at  them  there  matters,  and  say  if 
Sprightly's  preachers  ain't  more  like  the  apostles  in  decency 
than  the  pious  brother  is. 

"  A  word  now  about  chick  en-fixins  and  doins.  And  I  say  it 
would  be  a  charity  to  give  the  pious  brother  sich  a  feed  now 
and  then,  for  he  looks  half-starved,  and  savage  as  a  meat-axe ; 
and  I  advise  that  old  hen  out  thare  clucking  up  her  brood  not 
to  come  this  way  just  now,  if  she  don't  want  all  to  disappear. 
But  I  say  that  Sprightly's  preachers  are  so  much  beliked  in  the 
Purchase,  that  folks  are  always  glad  to  see  them,  and  make  a 
pint  of  giving  them  the  best  out  of  love ;  and  that's  more  than 
can  be  said  for  some  folks  here. 

"  The  pious  brother  says,  he  only  wants  our  souls — then 
what  makes  him  peddle  about  Thomsonian  physic  ?  Why  don't 
he  and  Campbell  make  steam  and  No.  6  as  free  as  preaching  ? 
J  read  of  a  quack  doctor  once,  who  used  to  give  his  advice  free 
gratis  for  nothing  to  any  one  what  would  buy  a  box  of  his  pills 
— but  as  I  see  the  pious  brother  is  crawling  round  the  fence  to 
his  anatomical  horse  and  physical  saddle-bags,  I  have  nothing 
more  to  say,  and  so,  dear  friends,  I  bid  you  all  good-bye." 


354  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

Such  was  Rev.  Elder  Sprightly,  who  preached  to  us  on  Sab- 
bath morning  at  the  Camp.  Hence,  it  is  not  remarkable  that 
in  common  with  many  worthy  persons,  he  should  think  his  tal- 
ents properly  employed  in  using  up  "Johnny  Calvin  and  his 
boys;"  especially  as  no  subject  is  better  for  popularity  at  a 
camp-meeting.  He  gave  us,  accordingly,  first,  that  affecting 
story  of  Calvin  and  Servetus,  in  which  the  latter  figured  to-day 
like  a  Christian  Confessor  and  martyr,  and  the  former  as  a  dia- 
bolical persecutor;  many  moving  incidents  being  introduced  not 
found  in  history,  and  many  ingenious  inferences  and  supposU 
tions  tending  to  blacken  the  Reformer's  character.  Judging 
from  the  frequency  of  the  deep  groans,  loud  amens,  and  noisy 
hallelujahs  of  the  congregation  during  the  narrative,  had  Calvin 
suddenly  thrust  in  among  us  his  hatchet  face  and  goat's  beard, 
he  would  have  been  hissed  and  pelted,  nay  possibly,  been 
lynched  and  soused  in  the  branch ;  while  the  excellent  Servetus 
would  have  been  toted  on  .our  shoulders,  and  feasted  in  the  tents 
on  fried  ham,  cold  chicken  fixins  and  horse  sorrel  pies ! 

Here  is  a  specimen  of  Mr.  S.'s  mode  of  exciting  triumphant  ex- 
clamation, amens,  groans,  etc.,  against  Calvin  and  his  followers  : 

"  Dear  sisters,  don't  you  love  the  tender 

little  darling  babes  that  hang  on  your  parental  bosoms?  (amen  !) 
— Yes !  I  know  you  do — (amen  !  amen  !) — Yes  I  know,  I  know 
it — (Amen,  amen  !  hallelujah !)  Now  don't  it  make  your  pa- 
rental hearts  throb  with  anguish  to  think  those  dear  infantile 
darlings  might  some  day  be  out  burning  brush  and  fall  into  the 
flames  and  be  burned  to  death  !  (deep  groans.) — Yes,  it  does,  it 
does!  But  oh !  sisters,  oh!  mothers!  how  can  you  think  your 
babes  mightn't  get  religion  and  die  and  be  burned  for  ever  and 
ever  1  (O  !  forbid — amen — groans.)  But,  oho  !  only  think — 
only  think,  oh !  would  you  ever  a  had  them  darling  infantile 
sucklings  born,  if  you  had  a  known  they  were  to  be  burned  in 
a  brush  heap !  (No,  no  ! — groans — shrieks.)  What !  what ! 
what!  if  you  had  foreknown  they  must  have  gone  to  hell! — 
(hoho  !  hoho ! — amen !)  And  does  anybody  think  He*  is  such 

*  We  substitute  words  in  place  of  the  divine  names— irreverently  used  often  in  ser- 
mons and  prayers. 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  355 

a  tyrant  as  to  make  spotless,  innocent  babies  just  to  damn  them  ? 
(No!  in  a  voice  of  thunder.) — No!  sisters!  no!  no!  mothers! 
No  !  no  !  no  !  sinners  no  !  ! — he  aint  such  a  tyrant !  Let  John 
Calvin  burn,  torture  and  roast,  but  He  never  foreordained  ba- 
bies, as  Calvin  says,  to  damnation !  (damnation  ! — echoed  by 
hundreds.) — Hallelujah !  'tis  a  free  salvation !  Glory  !  a  free 
salvation ! — (Here  Mr.  S.  battered  the  rail  of  the  pulpit  with 
his  fists,  and  kicked  the  bottom  with  his  feet — many  screamed — 
some  cried  amen  ! — others  groaned  and  hissed — and  more  than 
a  dozen  females  of  two  opposite  colours  arose  and  clapped  their 
hands  as  if  engaged  in  starching,  etc.,  etc.)  No-h-o  !  'tis  a  free, 
a  free,  a  free  salvation  ! — away  with  Calvin !  'tis  for  all !  all ! 
ALL.  Yes !  shout  it  out !  clap  on  !  rejoice !  rejoice !  oho-oho ! 
sinners,  sinners,  sinners,  oh-ho-oho  !"  etc.,  etc. 

Here  was  maintained  for  some  minutes  the  most  edifying 
uproar  of  shouting,  bellowing,  crying,  clapping  and  stamping, 
mingled  with  hysterical  laughing,  termed  out  there  "  holy 
laughing,"  and  even  dancing!  and  barking!  called  also  "holy!" 
— till,  at  the  partial  subsidence  of  the  bedlam,  the  orator  re- 
sumed his  eloquence. 

It  is  singular  Mr.  S.  overlooked  an  objection  to  the  divine 
Providence  arising  from  his  own  illustration.  That  children  do 
sometimes  perish  by  being  burnt  and  drowned,  is  undeniable ; 
yet  is  not  their  existence  prevented — and  that  in  the  very  case 
where  the  sisters  were  induced  to  say  they  would  have  pre- 
vented their  existence !  But,  in  justice  to  Mr.  S.,  we  must  say 
that  he  seemed  to  have  anticipated  the  objection,  and  to  have 
furnished  the  reply ;  for,  said  he,  in  one  part  of  his  discourse, 
"  God-  did  not  wish  to  foreknow  some  things !" 

But  our  friend's  mode  of  avoiding  a  predestined  death — if 
such  an  absurdity  be  supposed — deserves  all  praise  for  the 
facility  and  simplicity  of  the  contrivance.  "Let  us,"  said  he, 
"  for  argument's  sake,  grant  that  I,  the  Rev.  Elder  Sprightly, 
am  foreordained  to  be  drowned,  in  the  river,  at  Smith's  Ferry, 
next  Thursday  morning,  at  twenty -two  minutes  after  ten  o'clock ; 
and  suppose  I  know  it;  and  suppose  I  am  a  free,  moral,  volun- 
tary, accountable  agent,  as  Calvinists  say — do  you  think  Pm 


356  THE     NEW    PURCHASE. 

going  to  be  drowned  ?  No  ! — I  would  stay  at  home  all  day ; 
and  you'll  never  ketch  the  Rev.  Elder  Sprightly  at  Smith's 
Ferry — nor  near  the  river  neither!" 

Reader,  is  it  any  wonder  Calvinism  is  on  the  decline  1  Logic 
it  can  stand ;  but  human  nature  thus  excited  in  opposition,  it 
cannot  stand.  Hence,  throughout  our  vast  assembly  to-day, 
this  unpopular  ism,  in  spite  of  Calvin  and  the  Epistle  to  the 
Romans,  was  put  down ;  if  not  by  acclamation,  yet  by  excla- 
mation— by  shouting — by  roaring — by  groaning  and  hissing — 
by  clapping  and  stamping — by  laughing,  and  crying,  and  whin- 
ing; and  thus  the  end  of  the  sermon  was  gained  and  the  preacher 
glorified ! 

The  introductory  discourse  in  the  afternoon  was  by  the  Rev. 
Remarkable  Novus.  This  was  a  gentleman  I  had  often  the 
pleasure  of  entertaining  at  my  house  in  Woodville;  and  he  was 
a  Christian  in  sentiment  and  feeling :  for  though  properly  and 
decidedly  a  warm  friend  to  his  own  sect,  he  was  charitably  dis- 
posed towards  myself  and  others  that  differed  from  him  eccle- 
siastically. His  talents  were  moderate;  but  his  voice  was 
transcendentally  excellent.  It  was  rich,  deep,  mellow,  liquid 
and  sonorous,  and  capable  of  any  inflections.  Jt  could  preserve 
its  melody  in  an  unruffled  flow,  at  a  pitch  far  beyond  the  high- 
est point  reached  by  the  best  cultivated  voices.  His  fancy, 
naturally  capricious,  was  indulged  without  restraint;  yet  not 
being  a  learned  or  well-read  man.  he  mistook  words  for  ideas, 
and  hence  employed  without  stint  all  the  terms  in  his  vocabu- 
lary for  the -commonest  thoughts.  He  believed,  too,  like  most 
of  his  brotherhood,  that  excitement  and  agitation  were  necessary 
to  conversion  and  of  the  essence  of  religion ;  and  this,  with  a 
proneness  to  delight  in  the  music  find  witchery  of  his  own 
wonderful  voice,  made  Mr.  Novus  an  eccentric  preacher,  and, 
induced  him  often  to  excel  at  camp-meetings,  the  very  extrava- 
gances of  his  clerical  brethren,  whom  more  than  once  he  has 
ridiculed  and  condemned  at  my  fireside. 

The  camp-meeting  was,  in  fact,  too  great  a  temptation  for 
my  friend's  temperament,  and  the  very  theatre  for  the  full  dis- 
play of  his  magnificent  voice ;  and  naturally,  this  afternoon,  off 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE  35T 

he  set  at  a  tangent,  interrupting  the  current  of  his  sermon  by 
extemporaneous  bursts  of  warning,  entreaty,  and  exhortation. 
Here  is  something  like  his  discourse — yet  done  by  me  in  a 
subdued  tone — as,  I  repeat,  are  most  extravaganzas  of  the  eccle- 
siastical and  spiritual  sort,  not  only  here,  but  in  all  other  parts 
of  the  work. 

"  My  text,  dear  hearers,"  said  he,  "  on  this  auspicious,  and 
solemn,  and  heaven-ordered  occasion,  is  that  exhortation  of  the 
inspired  apostle,  'Walk  worthy  of  your  vocation.' 

"  And  what,  my  dear  brethren,  what  do  you  imagine  and  con- 
jecture our  holy  penman  meant,  by  '  walking  V  Think  ye  he 
meant  a  physical  walking,  and  a  moving,  and  a  going  backward 
and  forward  thus  ?  (represented  by  Mr.  N.'s  proceeding,  or 
rather  marching,  a  la  militaire,  several  times  from  end  to  end 
of  the  staging).  No,  sirs  ! — it  was  not  a  literal  walking  and 
locomotion,  a  moving  and  agitating  of  the  natural  legs  and 
limbs.  No,  sirs  ! — no  ! — but  it  was  a  moral,  a  spiritual,  a  re- 
ligious, ay  !  yes  !  a  philosophical  and  metaphorically  figurative 
walking,  our  holy  apostle  meant! 

"  Philosophic,  did  I  say  ?  Yes  :  philosophic  did  I  say.  For 
religion  is  the  most  philosophical  thing  in  the  universe — ay ! 
throughout  the  whole  expansive  infinitude  of  the  divine  empire. 
Tell  me,  deluded  infidels  and  mistaken  unbelievers!  tell  me, 
ain't  philosophy  what's  according  to  the  consistency  of  nature's 
regular  laws  1  and  what's  more  consentaneous  and  homogeneous 
to  man's  sublimated  moral  nature,  than  religion?  Yes!  tell 
me  !  Yes  !  yes  !  Jam  for  a  philosophical  religion,  and  a  philo- 
sophical religion  is  for  me — ay  !  we  are  mutually  made  and 
formed  for  this  beautiful  reciprocality  ! 

"  And  yet  some  say  we  make  too  much  noise — even  some  of 
our  respected  Woodville  merchants — (meaning  the  author).  But 
what's  worth  making  a  noise  about  in  the  dark  mundane  of  our 
terrestrial  sphere,  if  religion  ain't  1  People  always,  and  every- 
where in  all  places,  make  most  noise  about  what  they  opine  to 
be  most  precious.  See  !  yon  banner  streaming  with  golden 
stars  and  glorious  stripes  over  congregated  troops,  on  the  fourth 
of  July,  that  ever-memorable — that  never-to-be-forgotten  day, 


358  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

which  celebrates  the  grand  annual  anniversary  of  our  nation's 
liberty  and  independence !  when  our  forefathers  and  ancestors 
burst  asunder  and  tore  forever  off  the  iron  chains  of  political 
thraldom !  and  rose  in  plenitude,  ay  !  in  the  magnificence  of 
their  grandeur,  and  crushed  their  oppressors  ! — yes !  and  hurled 
down  dark  despotism  from  the  lofty  pinnacle  of  its  summit  al- 
titude, where  she  was  seated  on  her  liberty-crushing  throne,  and 
hurled  her  out  of  her  iron  chariot,  as  her  wheels  thundered  over 
the  prostrate  slaves  of  power  ! — (Amen  !) — Yes  ! — hark  ! — we 
make  a  noise  about  that !  But  what's  civil  liberty  to  religious 
liberty,  and  emancipated  disenthraldom  from  the  dark  despotism 
of  yonder  terrific  prince  of  darkness !  whose  broad,  black, 
piniony  wings  spread  wide  o'er  the  aerial  concave,  like  a  dense 
cloud  upon  a  murky  sky1? — (A-a-men  !) — And  aint  it,  ye  men  of 
yards  and  measures,  philosophical  to  make  a  noise  about  this  1 — 
(Amen  ! — yes !) — Yes  !  yes!  and  I  aint  ashamed  to  rejoice  and 
shout  aloud.  Ay  !  as  long  as  the  prophet  was  ordered  to  stamp 
with  his  foot,  I  will  stamp  with  my  foot ; — (here  he  stamped  till 
the  platform  trembled  for  its  safety) — and  to  smite  with  his 
hand,  I  will  smile  with  my  hand — (slapping  alternate  hands  on 
alternate  thighs.) — Yes!  and  I  will  shout  too  ! — and  cry  aloud, 
and  spare  not — glory  !  for — ever  ! — (and  here  his  voice  rang 
out  like  the  sweet,  clear  tones  of  a  bugle). 

"  And,  therefore,  my  dear  sisters  and  brethren,  let  us  walk 
worthy  of  our  vocation  ;  not  with  the  natural  legs  of  the  physi- 
cal corporation,  but  in  the  apostolical  way,  with  the  metaphysical 
and  figurative  legs  of  the  mind — (here  Mr.  N.  caught  some  one 
smiling.) — Take  care,  sinner,  take  care  !  curl  not  the  scornful 
nose — I'm  willing  to  be  a  fool  for  religion's  sake — but  turn  not 
up  the  scornful  nose — do  its  ministers  no  harm  !  Sinner,  mark 
me ! — in  yon  deep  and  tangled  grove,  where  tall,  aspiring  trees 
wave  green  and  lofty  heads  in  the  free  air  of  balmy  skies — 
there,  sinner,  an  hour  ago,  when  the  sonorous  horn  called  on 
our  embattled  hosts  to  go  to  private  prayer !  an  hour  ago,  in 
yonder  grove  I  knelt  and  prayed  for  you ! — (hooh  !) — yes  !  I 
prayed  some  poor  soul  might  be  given  for  jny  hire  ! — and  he 
promised  me  one  ! — (Glory  !  glory  ! — ah !  give  him  one !) — • 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  859 

Laughing  sinner  ! — take  care ! — I'll  have  you  ! — (Grant  it — 
amen  ! — ooohoo  !)  Look  out,  Fm  going  to  fire — (assuming  the 
attitude  of  rifle-shooting) — bang  ! — may  He  send  that  through 
your  heart ! — may  it  pierce  clean  home  through  joints  and  mar- 
row ! — and  let  all  the  people  say  amen  ! — (and  here  amen  was 
said,  and  not  in  the  tame  style  of  the  American  Archbishop  of 
Canterbury's  cathedral,  be  assured  ;  but  whether  the  spiritual 
bullet  hit  the  chap  aimed  at,  I  never  learned  ;  if  it  did,  his 
groans  were  inaudible  in  the  alarming  thunder  of  that  amen). 

"Ay!  ay!  that's  the  way  !  that's  th»  way  !  don't  be  ashamed 
of  your  vocation — that's  the  way  to  walk  and  let  your  light 
shine  !  Now,  some  wise  folks  despise  light,  and  call  for  mira- 
cles :  but  when  we  can't  have  one  kind  of  light,  let  us  be  philo- 
sophical, and  take  another.  For  my  part,  when  I'm  bogging 
about  these  dark  woods,  far  away  in  the  silent,  sombre  shadows, 
I  rejoice  in  sunshine ;  and  would  prefer  it  of  choice,  rather  than 
all  other  celestial  and  translucent  luminaries :  but  when  the  gen- 
tle fanning  zephyrs  of  the  shadowy  night  breathe  soft  among 
the  trembling  leaves  and  sprays  of  the  darkening  forests,  then 
I  rejoice  in  moonshine:  and  when  the  moonshine  dims  and  pales 
away,  with  the  waning  silvery  queen  of  heaven  in  her  azure 
zone,  I  look  up  to  the  blue  concave  of  the  circular  vault,  and 
rejoice  in  star  light.  No  !  no  !  NO  !  any  light ! — give  us  any 

light  rather  than  none  ! — (Ah,  do,  good !)  Yes  !  'yes !  we 

are  the  light  of  the  world,  and  so  let  us  let  our  light  shine, 
whether  sunshine,  or  moonshine,  or  star  light ! — (oohoo  !) — and 
then  the  poor  benighted  sinner,  bogging  about  this  terraqueous, 
but  dark  and  mundane  sphere,  will  have  a  light  like  a  pole  star 
of  the  distant  north,  to  point  and  guide  him  to  the  sun-lit 
climes  of  yonder  world  of  bright  and  blazing  bliss !" — 
(A-a-a-amen  !) 

Such  is  part  of  the  sermon.  His  concluding  prayer  ended 
thus  : — (Divine  names  omitted). 

"  Oh  !  come  down  !  come,  come  down !  down  I  now ! — to- 
night!— do  wonders  then!  come  down  in  might!  come  down 
in  power !  let  salvation  roll  I  Come  down !  come !  and  let  the 
earthquaking  mighty  noise  of  thy  thundering  chariot  wheels  be 


360  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

heard,  and  felt,  and  seen,  and  experienced  in  the  warring  ele- 
ments of  our  spiritualized  hearts  !" 

During  the  prayer,  many  petitions  and  expressions  were  so 
rapturously  and  decidedly  encored,  that  our  friend  kindly  re- 
peated them ;  and  sometimes,  like  public  singers,  with  hand- 
some variations :  and  many  petitions  by  amateur  zealots  were 
put  forth,  without  any  notice  of  the  current  prayer  offered  by 
Mr.  N.,  yet  evidently  having  in  view  some  elegancy  of  his  ser- 
mon. And  not  a  few  petitions,  I  regret  to  say,  seemed  to  mis- 
apprehend the  drift  and  scope  of  the  preacher.  One  of  this  sort 
was  the  earnest  ejaculations  of  an  old  and  worthy  brother,  who, 
in  a  hollow,  sepulchral,  and  rather  growly  voice,  bellowed  out 
in  a  very  beautiful  part  of  the  grand  prayer- — "  Oohhoo  !  take 
away  moonshine!'1'' 

But  our  finest  performance  was  to  be  at  night :  and  at  the  first 
toot  of  the  tin  horn,  we  assembled  in  expectation  of  a  "  good 
time."  For  1.  All  day  preparation  had  been  making  for  the 
night ;  and  the  actors  seemed  evidently  in  restraint,  as  in  mere 
rehearsal :  2.  The  night  better  suits  displays  and  scenes  of  any 
kind :  but  3.  The  African  was  to  preach ;  and  rumour  had  said, 
"  he  was  a  most  powerful  big  preacher,  that  could  stir  up  folks 
mighty  quick,  and  use  up  the  ole  feller  in  less  than  no  time." 

After  prefatory  prayers  and  hymns,  and  pithy  exhortations 
by  several  brothers  of  the  Circassian  breed,  our  dusky  divine, 
the  Rev.  Mizraim  Ham,  commenced  his  sermon,  founded  on  the 
duel  between  David  and  Goliath. 

This  discourse  we  shall  condense  into  a  few  pages ;  although 
the  comedy  or  mellow-drama — for  it  greatly  mellowed  and  re- 
laxed the  muscles — required  for  its  entire  action  a  full  hour. 
There  was,  indeed,  a  prologue ;  but  the  rest  was  mainly  dia- 
logue, in  which  Mr.  Ham  wonderfully  personated  all  the  differ- 
ent speakers,  varying  his  tone,  manner,  attitude,  etc.,  as  varying 
characters  and  circumstances  demanded.  We  fear  much  of  the 
spirit  has  evaporated  in  this  condensation  ;  but  that  evil  is  un- 
avoidable. 


.  MIZRAIM  HAM    "DOING"   DAVID    AND    GOLIAH  AT  THE  CAMP-MEETING. 

Page  361. 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  361 


3Bi}fltim  lam's  Itanrs*. 

"  Bruthurn  and  sisturn,  tention,  if  you  pleases,  while  I  want 
you  for  to  understand  this  here  battul  most  partiklur  'zact,  or 
may  be  you  monghtn't  comprend  um.  Furst  place,  I  gwyin  to 
undevur  to  sarcumscribe  fust  the  'cashin  of  this  here  battul : 
second  place,  the  'comdashins  of  the  armies :  third  place,  the 
folkses  as  was  gwyin  for  to  fite  and  didn't  want  to,  and  some 
did :  and  last  and  fourth  place,  I'm  gwyin  for  to  show  purtiklur 
'zact  them  as  fit  juul,  and  git  victry  and  git  kill'd. 

"Tention,  if  you  pleases,  while  I  fustly  sarcumscribe  the 
'casion  of  this  here  battul.  Bruthurn  and  sisturn,  you  see  them 
thar  hethun  Filly stines,  what  warn't  circumcised,  they  wants  to 
ketch  King  Sol  and  his  'ar  folks  for  to  make  um^lave :  and  so 
they  cums  down  to  pick  a  quorl,  and  begins  a  totin  off  all  their 
cawn,  and  wouldn't  'low  um  to  make  no  hoes  to  ho  um,  nor  no 
homnee.  And  that  'ar,  you  see,  stick  in  King  Solsis  gizurd ; 
and  he  ups  and  says,  says  he,  '  I'm  not  gwying  to  be  used  up 
that  'ar  away  by  them  uncircumcis'd  hethun  Fillystines,  and  let 
um  tote  off  our  folkses  cawn  to  chuck  to  thar  hogs,  and  take 
away  our  hoes  so  we  can't  hoe  um — and  so,  Jonathun,  we'll 
drum  up  and  list  soljurs  and  try  um  a  battul.'  And  then  King 
Sol  and  his  'ar  folks  they  goes  up,  and  the  hethun  and  theirn 
comes  down  and  makes  war.  And  this  is  the  'cashin  why 
they  fit. 

"  Tention  'gin,  if  you  pleases,  I'm  gwyin  in  the  next  place 
secondly,  to  show  the  'comdashins  of  this  here  battul,  which  was 
so  fashin  like.  The  Fillystines  they  had  thar  army  up  thar  on 
a  mounting,  and  King  Sol  he  had  hissin  over  thar,  like,  across  a 
branch,  amoss  .like  that  a  one  thar — (pointing) — and  it  was 
chuck  full  of  sling  rock  all  alopg  on  the  bottom.  And  so  they 
was  both  on  um  camp'd  out ;  this  a  one  on  this  'ar  side,  and 
tother  a  one  on  tother.  and  the  lilly  branch  tween  urn — and 
them's  the  'comdashins. 

"Tention  once  more  agin,  as  'caze  next  place  thirdly  I'm  a 
gwyin  to  give  purtiklur  'zact  'count  of  sum  folkses  what  fit  arid 
16 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

sum  didn't  want  to.  And  lubly  sinnahs,  maybe  you  minds  um, 
as  how  King  Sol  and  his  soljurs  was  pepper  hot  for  fite  when 
he  fust  liss  irm  ;  but  now,  lubly  sinnahs,  when  they  gits  up  to 
the  Fillystines,  they  cool  off  mighty  quick,  I  tell  you  !  'Gaze 
why  ?  I  tell  you  ;  why,  'caze  a  grate,  big,  ugly  ole  jiunt,  with 
grate  big  eyes,  so  fashin — (Mr.  Ham  made  giant's  eyes  here) — 
he  kums  a  rampin  out  a  frunt  'o  them  'ar  rigiments,  like  the  ole 
devul  a  gwyin  about  like  a  half-starv'd  lion  a  seeking  to  devour 
poor  lubly  sinnahs  !  And  he  cum  a  jumpin  and  a  tearin  out  so 
fashin — (actions  to  suit) — to  git  sum  of  King  Solsis  soljurs  to 
fite  um  juul :  and  King  Sol,  lubly  bruthurn  and  sisturn,  he  gits 
sker'd  mighty  quick,  and  he  says  to  Jonathun  and  tother  big 
officers,  says  he — 'I  ain't  a  gwyin  for  to  fite  that  grate  big 
fellah.'  And  arter  that  they  ups  and  says — '  We  ain't  a  gwyin 
for  to  fite  um  nuthur,  'caze  he's  all  kiver'd  with  sheetirun,  and 
his  head's  up  so  high  we  muss  stand  a  hoss  back  to  reach  um !' 
— the  jiunt  he  was  so  big  1 1 

"  And  then  King  Sol  he  quite  down  in  the  jaw,  and  he  turn 
and  ax  if  somebody  wouldn't  hunt  up  a  soljur  as  would  fite  juul 
with  um ;  and  he'd  give  um  his  dawtah,  the  prinsuss,  for  wife, 
and  make  um  king's  son-in-law.  And  then  one  old  koretur, 
they  call  him  Abnah,  he  comes  up  and  says  to  Sol  so :  '  Please 
your  majustee,  sir,  I  kin  git  a  young  fellah  to  fite  um,'  says  he. 
And  Abnah  tells  how  Davy  had  jist  rid  up  in  his  carruge  and 
left  um  with  the  man  what  tend  the  hossis — and  how  he  heern 
Davy  a  quorl'n  with  his  bruthurs  and  a  wantun  to  fite  the  jiunt. 
Then  King  Sol,  he  feel  mighty  glad,  I  tell  you,  sinnahs,  and  he 
make  um  bring  um  up,  and  King  Sol  he  begins  a  talkin  so,  and 
Davy  he  answers  so  : — 

"  '  What's  your  name,  lilly  fellah  T 

"  '  I  was  krissen'd  Davy.' 

"  '  Who's  your  farder  V 

"  '  They  call  um  Jesse.' 

"  '  WThat  you  follur  for  livin  T 

"  '  I  tend  my  farder's  sheep.' 

"  '  What  you  kum  arter  ?  Ain't  you  affeerd  of  that  'ar  grate 
ugly  ole  jiunt  up  thar,  lilly  Davy  V 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  363 

"  '  I  kum  to  see  arter  my  udder  brudurs,  and  bring  urn  in 
our  carruge  some  cheese  and  muttun,  and  some  clene  shirt  and 
trowser,  and  have  tother  ones  wash'd.  And  when  I  cum  I  hear 
ole  Goliawh  a  hollerin  out  for  somebody  to  cum  and  fite  juul 
\vith  um  :  and  all  the  soljurs  round  thar  they  begins  for  to 
make  traks  mighty  quick,  I  tell  you,  please  your  majuste,  sir, 
for  thar  tents ;  but,  says  I,  what  you  run  for?  I'm  not  a  gwyin 
for  to  run  aw7 ay — if  King  Sol  wants  some  body  for  to  fite  the 
jiunt,  I'll  fite  um  for  um.' 

"  '  I  mighty  feer'd,  lilly  Davy  you  too  leetul  for  um — ' 

"  No  !  King  Sol,  I  kin  lick  um.  One  day  I  gits  asleep  ahind 
a  rock,  and  out  kums  a  lion  and  a  bawr,  and  begins  a  totin  off 
a  lilly  lam;  and  when  I  heern  um  roarin  and  pawin  'bout,  I 
rubs  my  eyes  and  sees  um  gwyin  to  the  mountings — and  I  arter 
and  ketch'd  up  and  kill  um  both  without  no  gun  nor  sword — 
and  I  bring  back  poor  lilly  lamb.  I  kin  lick  ole  Goliawh,  I  tell 
you,  please  your  majuste,  sir.' 

"  Then  King  Sol  he  wery  glad,  and  pat  um  on  the  head,  and 
calls  um  '  lilly  Davy,'  and  wants  to  put  on  um  his  own  armur 
made  of  brass  and  sheetirun  and  to  take  his  sword,  but  Davy 
didn't  like  um,  but  said  he'd  trust  to  his  sling.  And  then  out 
he  goes  to  fite  the  ole  jiunt ;  and  this  'ar  brings  me  to  the  fourth 
and  last  diwishin  of  our  surmun. 

"  Tention  once  more  agin,  for  lass  time,  as  I'm  gwyin  to  give 
most  purtikurlust  'zactest  'count  of  the  juul  atween  lilly  Davy 
and  ole  Goliawh  the  jiunt,  to  show,  lubly  sinnah  !  how  the  Lord's 
peepul  without  no  carnul  gun  nor  sword,  can  fite  ole  Bellzybub 
and  knock  um  over  with  the  sling  rock  of  prayer,  as  lilly  Davy 
knock  over  Goliawh  with  hissin  out  of  the  Branch. 

"  And  to  'lusterut  the  juul  and  make  um  spikus,  I'll  show 
'zactly  how  they  talk'd,  and  jawd,  and  fit  it  all  out :  and  so  ole 
Goliawh  when  he  see  Davy  a  kumun,  he  hollurs  out  so,  and  lilly 
Davy  he  say  back  so : — 

"  '  What  you  kum  for,  lilly  Jew  ? ' 

"  '  What  I  kum  for1?  you'll  find  out  mighty  quick,  I  tell  you 
— I  kum  for  fite  juul ' 


364  ""HE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

"  '  Hubh  !  huhh  !  haw ! — 'tink  I'm  gwyin  to  fite  puttee  lilly 
baby  ?  I  want  King  Sol  or  Abnah,  or  a  big  soljur  man ' 

" '  Hole  your  jaw — I'll  make  you  laugh  tother  side,  ole 
grizzle-gruzzle,  'rectly — I'm  man  enough  for  biggust  jiunt  Fil- 
lystine.' 

"  '  Go  way,  poor  lilly  boy  !  go  home,  lilly  baby,  to  your  mud- 
der,  and  git  sugar  plum — I  no  want  kill  puttee  lilly  boy ' 

" '  Kurn  on  ! — don't  be  afeerd ! — don't  go  for  to  run  away  ! — 
I'll  ketch  you  and  lick  you ' 

"  '  You  leetul  raskul — I'll  kuss  you  by  all  our  gods — I'll  cut 
out  your  sassy  tung — I'll  break  your  blackguard  jaw — I'll  rip 
you  up  and  give  um  to  the  dogs  and  crows ' 

" '  Dont  kuss  so,  ole  Golly  !  I  'sposed  you  wanted  to  fite  juul 
— so  kum  on  with  your  old  irun-pot  hat  on — you'll  git  belly  full 
mighty  quick ' 

" '  You  nasty  leetle  raskul,  I'll  kum  and  kill  you  dead  as 
chopped  sassudge.' " 

Here  the  preacher  represented  the  advance  of  the  parties; 
and  gave  a  florid  and  wonderfully  effective  description  of  the 
closing  act  partly  by  words  and  partly  by  pantomime ;  exhibit- 
ing innumerable  marches  and  countermarches  to  get  to  wind- 
ward, and  all  the  postures,  and  gestures,  and  defiances,  till  at 
last  he  personated  David  putting  his  hand  into  a  bag  for  a 
stone  :  and  then  making  his  cotton  handkerchief  into  a  sling,  he 
whirled  it  with  fury  half  a  dozen  times  around  his  head,  and 
then  let  fly  with  much  skill  at  Goliath ;  and  at  the  same  instant 
halloing  with  the  phrenzy  of  a  madman-—"  Hurra w  !  for  lilly 
Davy  !"  At  that  cry  he,  with  his  left  hand,  struck  himself  a 
violent  slap  on  the  forehead,  to  represent  the  blow  of  the  sling- 
stone  hitting  the  giant;  and  then  in  person  of  Goliath  he  dropped 
quasi  dead  upon  the  platform  amid  the  deafening  plaudits  of 
the  congregation ;  all  of  whom,  some  spiritually,  some  sym- 
pathetically, and  some  carnally,  took  up  the  preacher's  triumph 
shout — 

"  Hurraw  !  for  lilly  Davy  !"— 

How  the  Rev.  Mizraim  Ham  made  his  exit  from  the  boards 
I  could  not  see — perhaps  he  rolled  or  crawled  off.  But  he  did 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  365 

not  suffer  decapitation,  like  "  ole  Golly :"  since,  in  ten  minutes, 
his  woolly  pate  suddenly  popped  up  among  the  other  sacred 
heads  that  were  visible  over  the  front  railing  of  the  rostrum, 
as  all  kept  moving  to  and  fro  in  the  wild  tossings  of  religious 
phrenzy. 

Scarcely  had  Mr.  Ham  fallen  at  his  post,  when  a  venerable 
old  warrior,  with  matchless  intrepidity,  stepped  into  the  vacated 
spot ;  and  without  a  sign  of  fear  carried  on  the  contest  against 
the  Arch  Fiend,  whose  great  ally  had  been  so  recently  over- 
thrown— i.  e.,  Goliath,  (not  Mr.  Ham.)  Yet  excited,  as  evi- 
dently was  this  veteran,  he  still  could  not  forego  his  usual 
introduction  stating  how  old  he  was ;  where  he  was  born  ; 
where  he  obtained  religion  ;  how  long  he  had  been  a  preacher  ; 
how  many  miles  he  had  travelled  in  a  year ;  and  when  he 
buried  his  wife — all  of  which  edifying  truths  were  received  with 
the  usual  applauses  of  a  devout  and  enlightened  assembly.  But 
this  introduction  over — which  did  not  occupy  more  than  fifteen 
or  twenty  minutes — he  began  his  attack  in  fine  style,  waxing 
louder  and  louder  as  he  proceeded,  till  he  exceeded  all  the  old 
gentlemen  to  "  holler"  I  ever  heard,  and  indeed  old  ladies  either. 

(giirott  frnm  l;is  Bisnrorst 


" Yes,  sinners  !  you'll  all  have  to  fall  and 

be  knock'd  down  some  time  or  nuther,  like  the  great  giant  we've 
heern  tell  on,  when  the  Lord's  sarvints  come  and  fight  agin  you  ! 
Oho  !  sinner  !  sinner — oh! — I  hope  you  may  be  knock'd  down 
to-night — now  ! — this  moment — and  afore  you  die  and  go  to 
judgment !  Yes  !  oho  !  yes  !  oh ! — I  say  judgment — for  it's 
appinted  once  to  die  and  then  the  judgment — oho !  oh !  And 
what  a  time  ther'll  be  then!  You'll  see  all  these  here  trees — 
and  them  'are  stars,  and  yonder  silver  moon  a  fire ! — and  all 
the  alliments  a  meltin  and  runnin  down  with  fervent  heat-ah !" 
— (I  have  elsewhere  stated  that  the  unlearned  preachers  out 
there  (?)  are  by  the  vulgar — [not  the  poor} — but  the  vulgar, 
supposed  to  be  more  favoured  in  preaching  than  man-made 
preachers ;  and  that  the  sign  of  an  unlearned  preacher's  inspi- 


366  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

ration  being  in  full  blast  is  his  inhalations,  which  puts  an  ah !  to 
the  end  of  sentences,  members,  words,  and  even  exclamations, 
till  his  breath  is  all  gone,  and  no  more  can  be  sucked  in) — 
"  Oho  !  hoah  !  fervent  heat-ah ! — and  the  trumpit  a  sound in-ah ! 
— and  the  dead  arisin-ah  ! — and  all  on  us  a  flyin-ah ! — to  be 
judged-ah! — Oohoah  !  sinner — sinner— sinner-ah !  And  what 
do  1  see  away  tharah  ! — down  the  Massissipp-ah ! — thar's  a  man 
jist  done  a  killin-ah ! — another-ah ! — and  up  he  goes  with  his 
bloody  dagger-ah!  And  what's  that  I  see  to  the  East-ah ! 
where  proud  folks  live  clothed  in  purple-ah !  and  fine  linen-ah  ! 
— I  see  'em  round  a  table  a  drinkin  a  decoction  of  Indian  herb- 
ah  ! — and  up  they  go  with  cups  in  thar  hands-ah !  and  see — 
ohoah  ! — see  !  in  yonder  doggery  some  a  dancin-ah  !  and  a  fid- 
dlin-ah  ! — and  up  they  go-ah  !  with  cards-ah  !  and  fiddle-ah  !" 
etc.,  etc. 

Here  the  tempest  around  drowned  the  voice  of  the  old  hero : 
although,  from  the  frantic  violence  of  his  gestures,  the  frightful 
distortion  of  his  features,  and  the  Pythonic  foam  of  his  mouth, 
he  was  plainly  blazing  away  at  the  enemy.  The  uproar,  how- 
ever, so  far  subsided  as  to  allow  my  hearing  his  closing  exhor- 
tation, which  was  this  : 

" Yes  I  say — fall  down — fall  down  all  of  you,  on  your 

knees ! — shout ! — cry  aloud  ! — spare  not ! — stamp  with  the/oo^/ 
— smite  with  the  hand! — down!  down! — that's  it! — down 
brethren! — down  preachers! — down  sisters! — pray  away! — 
take  it  by  storm  ! — -fire  away  !  fire  away  !  not  one  at  a  time! 
not  two  together-ah! — a  single  shot  the  devil  will  dodge-ah! — 
give  it  to  him  all  at  once — fire  a  whole  platoon  I — at  him  ! !" 

And  then  such  platoon  firing  as  followed !  If  Satan  stood 
that,  he  can  stand  much  more  than  the  worthy  folks  thought 
he  could.  And,  indeed,  the  effect  was  wonderful  ! — more  than 
forty  thoughtless  sinners  that  came  for  fun,  and  twice  as  many 
backsliders  were  instantly  knocked  over! — and  there  all  lay, 
some  with  violent  jerkings  and  writhings  of  body,  and  some 
uttering  the  most  piercing  and  dismaying  shrieks  and  groans ! 
The  fact  is,  I  was  nearly  knocked  down  myself 

"You?— Mr.  Carlton!!" 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  367 

Yes — indeed — but  not  by  the  hail  of  spiritual  shot  falling  so 
thick  around  me  :  it  was  by  a  sudden  rush  towards  my  station, 
where  I  stood  mounted  on  a  stump.  And  this  rush  was  occa- 
sioned by  a  wish  to  see  a  stout  fellow  lying  on  the  straw  in  the 
pen,  a  little  to  my  left,  groaning  and  praying,  and  yet  kicking 
and  pummelling  away  as  if  scuffling  with  a  sturdy  antagonist. 
Near  him  were  several  men  and  women  at  prayer,  and  one  or 
more  whispering  into  his  ear ;  while  on  a  small  stump  above, 
stood  a  person  superintending  the  contest,  and  so  as  to  ensure 
victory  to  the  right  party.  Now  the  prostrate  man,  who  like 
a  spirited  tom-cat  seemed  to  fight  best  on  his  back,  was  no  other 
than  our  celebrated  New  Purchase  bully — Rowdy  Bill !  And 
this  being  reported  through  the  congregation,  the  rush  had  taken 
place  by  which  I  was  so  nearly  overturned.  I  contrived,  how- 
ever, to  regain  my  stand,  shared  indeed  now,  with  several 
othars,  we  hugging  one  another  and  standing  on  tip-toes  and 
our  necks  elongated  as  possible ;  and  thus  we  managed  to  have 
a  pretty  fair  view  of  matters. 

About  this  time  the  Superintendent  in  a  very  loud  voice 
cried  out — "  Let  him  alone,  brothers  !  let  him  alone  sisters  ! — 
keep  on  praying ! — it's  a  hard  fight — the  devil's  got  a  tight  grip 
yet !  He  don't  want  to  lose  poor  Bill — but  he'll  let  go  soon — 
Bill's  gittin  the  better  on  him  fast ! — Pray  away !" 

Rowdy  Bill,  be  it  known,  was  famous  as  a  gouger,  and  so 
expert  was  he  in  his  antioptical  vocation,  that  in  a  few  moments 
he  usually  bored  out  an  antagonist's  eyes,  or  made  him  cry 
peccavi.  Indeed,  could  he,  on  the  present  occasion,  have  laid 
hold  of  his  unseen  foe's  head — spiritually  we  mean — he  would 
— figuratively  of  course — soon  have  caused  him  to  ease  off  or  let 
go  entirely  his  metaphorical  grip.  So,  however,  thought  one 
friend  in  the  assembly — Bill's  wife.  For  Bill  was  a  man  after 
her  own  heart ;  and  she  often  said  that  "  with  fair  play  she  sen- 
timentally allowed  her  Bill  could  lick  are  a  man  in  the  Varsal 
world,  and  his  weight  in  wild  cats  to  boot."  Hence,  the  kind- 
hearted  creature,  hearing  that  Bill  was  actually  fighting  with 
the  evil  one,  had  pressed  in  from  the  outskirts  to  see  fair  play ; 
but  now  hearing  Bill  was  in  reality  down,  and  apparently  under- 


3GS  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

most,  and  above  all,  the  words  of  the  Superintendent,  declaring 
that  the  fiend  had  a  tight  grip  of  the  poor  fellow,  her  excite- 
ment would  no  longer  be  controlled  ;  and,  collecting  her  vocal 
energies,  she  screamed  out  her  common  exhortation  to  Bill,  and 
which,  when  heeded,  had  heretofore  secured  him  immediate  vic- 
tories— "  Gouge  him,  Billy  ! — gouge  him,  Billy  ! — gouge  him !" 

This  spirited  exclamation  was  instantly  shouted  by  Bill's 
cronies  and  partisans — mischieveously,  maybe,  for  we  have  no 
right  to  judge  of  men's  motives,  in  meetings : — but  a  few — 
friends,  doubtless,  of  the  old  fellow — cried  out  in  a  very  irreve- 
rent tone — "  Bite  him !  devil — bite  him  !"  Upon  which  the 
faithful  wife,  in  a  tone  of  voice  that  beggars  description,  reitera- 
ted her — "  Gouge  him,"  etc. — in  which  she  was  again  joined  by 
her  husband's  allies,  and  that  to  the  alarm  of  his  invisible  foe ; 
for  Bill  now  rose  to  his  knees,  and  on  uttering  some  mystic 
jargon  symptomatic  of  conversion,  he  was  said  to  have  "  got  re- 
ligion ;" — and  then  all  his  new  friends  and  spiritual  guides  united 
in  fresh  prayers  and  shouts  of  thanksgiving. 

It  was  now  very  late  at  night ;  and  joining  a  few  other  citizens 
of  Woodville,  we  were  soon  in  our  saddles  and  buried  in  the 
darkness  of  the  forest.  For  a  long  time,  however,  the  uproar 
of  the  spiritual  elements  at  the  camp  continued  at  intervals  to 
swell  and  diminish  on  the  hearing ;  and,  often  came  a  yell  that 
rose  far  above  the  united  din  of  other  screams  and  outcries. 
Nay,  at  the  distance  of  nearly  two  miles,  could  be  distinguished 
a  remarkable  and  sonorous  oh  I — like  the  faintly  heard  explo- 
sion of  a  mighty  elocutional  class,  practising  under  a  master. 
And  yet  my  comrades,  who  had  heard  this  peculiar  cry  more 
than  once,  all  declared  that  this  wonderful  oA-ing  was  per- 
formed by  the  separate  voice  of  our  townsman,  Eolus  Lether- 
lung,  Esq.  ! 

CONCLUSION  : 

A  camp-meeting  of  this  sort  is,  all  things  considered,  the  very 
best  contrivance  for  making  the  largest  number  of  converts  in 
the  shortest  possible  time ;  and  also  for  enlarging  most  speedily 
the  bounds  of  a  Church  Visible  and  Militant. 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  369 


CHAPTER    XLIX. 

"  Amor  vincit  omnia." 
"Love  laughs  at  locksmiths !" 

.OUR  present  chapter  treats  of  love  and  matrimony. 

Doubtless  it  has  occurred  to  the  reader,  that  John  Glenville 
is  yet  a  bachelor,  and  ought  to  be  looking  out  for  a  wife.  Now, 
although  John  was  never  overhead  and  ears  in  love,  he  yet  was 
always  falling  into  it — knee  deep  at  least;  but  as  yet,  he  had 
never  found  anybody  for  help-meet,  though  several  were  dis- 
posed to  be  help-mates. 

My  friend  had,  indeed,  often  gone  "a  gallin"  among  our  log- 
cabin  beauties  ;  and  sometimes  received  answers  so  serious  to 
his  sportive  questions  as  to  make  his  backing  out  very  difficult 
and  ungraceful.  For  instance,  he  once  accompanied  Peggy 
home  from  a  night-meeting;  and  on  reaching  the  cabin  she 
paused  a  moment  by  the  wood-pile,  when  John  playfully  said  : 

"  Well,  Peggy,  I've  a  notion  to  go  in  and  court  awhile ;  what 
do  you  say  to  it  1" 

"  Well — maybe  you  mought,  and  maybe  you  mought'nt — " 

"  Why  1  has  anybody  cut  me  out  ?" 

"Hey?" 

"  Perhaps  somebody  else  is  gallin  down  here  T' 

"  Perhaps  thar  is,  and  perhaps  thar  isn't." 

"  Awh!  come  Peggy,  do  tell  me." 

Here  Peggy  looked  down,  in  some  perplexity,  as  balancing 
uncertainties ;  and  after  kicking  up  a  large  heap  of  chips  with 
the  toe  of  her  shoe,  she  seemed  to  have  arrived  at  the  conclu- 
sion— "  a  bird  in  the  hand."  etc. — and,  therefore,  modestly  an- 
swered : — 

"  Well,  John — I'm  a  kinder  sorter  courted  like,  and  a  kinder 
sorter  not  like — but  I'm  more  a  kinder  sorter  not,  nor  a  kinder 
16* 


370 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 


sorter — .and  I  allow  you'd  better  step  in  and  see  daddy  ;  tain't 
late — although  mammy's  in  bed." 

Of  course,  John  got  out  as  awkwardly  as  we  end  his  ad- 
venture. 

But  once  Glenville  was  caught  more  effectually,  and  much 
more  to  his  surprise ;  and  yet,  he  backed  out  with  some  inge- 
nuity. The  lady,  however,  had  ultimately  her  revenge.  He 
was  on  a  visit  of  business  in  an  adjoining  State,  when  he  was  in- 
vited by  the  celebrated  Mr.  Brown,  to  spend  a  few  days  at  his 
house.  Here  he  became  naturally  interested  in  Miss  Brown, 
the  daughter — a  young  lady  of  some  beauty,  of  much  good 
nature,  of  good  talents,  and  mistress  of  many  useful  acquire- 
ments, besides  several  ornamental  branches. 

In  an  unguarded  moment,  John  sportively  popped  the  ques- 
tion, or  rather  popped  at  the  question,  by  wondering  how  Miss 
B.  would  like  to  live  in  a  cabin  with  such  a  Hoosier  as  himself; 
to  which  Paddy's  hint,  Miss  B.  too  seriously  intimated,  that 
Mr.  G.  had  better  consult  her  father  on  such  points.  Now, 
generous  reader,  Glenville  was  by  no  means  ready  to  forsake 
father  and  mother  at  that  time ;  and  the  cabin  alluded  to  was 
so  open  and  unchinked,  that  poverty  could,  easily  enough,  have 
crept  in  all  around,  and  love  gone  flying  out  through  an  hun- 
dred crevices  in  addition  to  the  doors  and  window.  In  plain 
English,  the  fellow  was  too  poor  to  ask  any  woman  to  share  his 
poverty ;  unless  she  belonged  to  the  Range,  was  used  "  to 
chinkin  and  daubin,  and  to  makin  huntin  shirts  and  lether 
brichis :"  hence,  after  musing  on  the  affair  the  whole  night,  he 
seized  an  opportunity  the  next  morning,  of  renewing  with  Miss 
B.  the  colloquy  of  the  previous  afternoon.  In  this  he  painted, 
in  true  colours,  the  cheerlessness  of  his  rude  cabin  and  his  half 
hunter's  life,  and  the  privations  and  sufferings  to  which  such  a 
man's  wife  would  necessarily  be  subjected ;  and  then,  with  some 
ingenuity — certainly  with  some  boldness — he  wished  to  know 
if  such  a  man  ought  to  ask  any  kind  parent,  in  affluent  circum- 
stances, to  send  away  an  amiable  and  beloved  daughter. 

To  his  relief,  Miss  B.,  with  a  slight  betrayal  of  surprise — 
John  said  "  mortification" — agreed  with  him  ;  but  after  this  his 


THB     NSW     PURCHASE.  371 

situation  was  so  awkward,  that  he  left  Mr.  Brown's  mansion 
that  very  day.  Here,  therefore,  is  another  proof  that  some 
things  can  be  done  as  well  as  others ;  and  while  this  affair  is 
not  quite  so  odd  as  that  of  Deerslayer  and  Judith,  yet  it  shows 
tfie  difference  between  truth  and  fiction. 

Well,  the  present  winter,  Glenville  being  often  on  visits  to 
Woodville,  and  circumstances  existing  to  alter  cases,  we  fre- 
quently rallied  the  bachelor  on  his  courtships  ;  and  more  than 
once,  in  full  assembly,  voted  that  he  must,  and  should  forthwith 
go  and  find  a  wife.  To  all  this  he  opposed  the  stale  replies, 
that  he  was  too  old  now — could  find  nobody  to  suit  him — and 
that  such  as  would  suit  would  not  have  him — till  at  last  he  con- 
sented, if  I  could  find  the  proper  person,  and  persuade  her  to 
have  him,  he  would  marry. 

Accordingly,  one  night,  after  such  a  discussion,  Glenville  and 
myself  sat  alone  by  the  fire,  when  the  following  talk  went  on  in 
continuation  of  the  subject : — 

"  But,  Glenville,  are  you  really  serious  1" 

"  Yes,  Carlton,  I  am  really  serious." 

"  Still,  you  would  not  marry  if  you  did  not  love  ?" 

"  Well — I'm  not  quite  so  sure  there.  At  all  events,  I  shall 
easily  love  any  girl  you  will  choose — especially  if  you  choose 
Miss  Brown." 

"  Come,  John,  be  candid — did  you  ever  truly  love  her  T' 

"  More,  perhaps,  than  I  ever  loved  any  one  before." 

"  And  why  did  you  back  out  so  foolishly  ]" 

"  For  the  very  reasons  I  have  a  thousand  times  told  you.  I 
was  too  poor — my  home  too  utterly  dreary  to  take  such  a  girl 
to — and  if  I  had  ever  dreamed  my  jesting  manner  would  have 
been  mistaken,  I  should  have  been  far  enough  from  trifling  with 
her " 

"  Suppose  she  had  seemed  willing  next  morning  ?" 

"  I  would  have  consulted  her  father,  unquestionably — but  for 
the  daughter's  sake,  I  should  have  regretted  his  consent." 

"Well,  Glenville,  what  do  you  say  to  Miss  Smythe? — I 
think  she  feels  tender  towards  you." 

"She  would  do :— and  with  a  little  practice  I  should  love  her 


372  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

as  well  as  most  men  love  their  wives.  But  Carlton,  the  Squire 
has  been  cutting  round  there  the  last  six  months,  and " 

"  No  odds — suppose  you  try  ?" 

"  Willingly,  if  I  thought  there  was  any  chance ;  but,  in  the 
first  place,  maybe  she's  engaged — next,  maybe  she  might  not 
want  me — and  so  I  do  not  like  to  lose  my  time,  and  run  risk, 
and " 

"  Tut !  tut ! — you  need  not  waste  any  time  ;  for  I'll  write  a 
love-letter  for  you ;  and  as  to  the  other  objection,  I'll  bet  a  coon- 
skin  you're  too  modest,  and  the  girl,  if  disengaged,  will  have 
you." 

"  Carlton  ! — will  you  write  such  a  letter  1  If  you  will,  I'll 
deliver  it." 

"  Done ! — and  I'll  write  you  as  many  more  as  you  like." 

"  Suppose,  then,  you  do  another  for  Miss  Brown  1  and  so  I 
shall  have  two  snaps." 

"  Agreed — when  shall  I  do  them  ?" 

"  Any  time  between  this  and  next  Saturday.  I  shall  be  in 
Woodville,  then,  you  know — so  'tis  settled — come,  I'm  tired, 
let's  go  to  bed." 

The  two  letters  were  duly  concocted,  the  first  one  to  be  deli- 
vered to  Miss  Smythe,  the  other,  in  case  of  the  first  failing,  was 
to  be  sent  to  Miss  Brown ;  but  if  Miss  S.  was  disengaged  and 
smiled  propitious,  John  was,  to  all  intents  and  purposes,  a  mar- 
ried man ;  and  Miss  Brown  was  to  have  no  opportunity  of  re- 
venge. 

The  letter  for  Miss  Smythe  was  as  follows  : 

"  Miss  E.  A.  SMYTHE, 

"  A  knowledge  of  your  character,  derived  from  mutual 
friends,  from  the  opinion  of  all  your  acquaintances,  and  also 
from  a  somewhat  intimate  personal  acquaintance,  induces  me  to 
believe  that  such  a  lady  would  fill  the  vacancy  in  my  domestic 
establishment  most  perfectly  and  delightfully : — although  I  am 
not  vain  enough  to  suppose  Miss  Smythe  will  necessarily  feel 
herself  nattered  by  such  a  preference  on  the  part  of  the  writer. 
As,  however,  Miss  S.  on  better  acquaintance,  might  become  in- 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  373 

terested  in  him — more  so  at  least  than  he  fears  she  is  at  present 
— he  very  respectfully,  yet  most  earnestly,  craves  permission  to 
pay  his  addresses  in  person. 

"  Very  truly,  your  humble  servant, 
"  But  great  admirer, 

"  JOHN  GLENVILLE." 

The  letter  to  Miss  Brown,  or  rather  for  her,  as  it  was  ad- 
dressed to  the  father,  was  this : — 

"  MY  DEAR  SIR, 

"In  a  playful  conversation  on  a  subject  so  common  when  un- 
married persons  meet,  your  daughter,  Miss  Brown,  in  a  jesting 
manner,  remarked,  that  she  always  referred  gentlemen  to  her 
father — as  his  choice  would  always  be  hers.  What  was  jest 
with  her,  with  me  would  have  become  very  solemn  earnest,  had 
I  then  to  offer  any  thing  beyond  my  hand  and  my  heart,  to  in- 
duce such  a  girl  to  leave  such  a  home.  Happily,  circumstances 
are  now  favourably  altered ;  and  willingly  now  would  I  ask 
that  father  for  his  daughter  could  I  flatter  myself  the  daughter 
could  be  induced  to  gladden  and  adorn  a  hearth,  which,  however 
warm  in  one  sense,  must  be  yet  cold  and  cheerless  without  the 
love  of  a  bosom  friend.  And  such  a  friend  would  Miss  Brown 
prove :  and,  dear  sir,  if  you  think  such  a  match  suitable  for 
your  lovely  daughter,  I  sincerely  entreat  the  communication  of 
your  favourable  opinion  to  her  in  my  behalf — hoping  that  the 
daughter's  choice  then  may  be  as  the  father's. 
"  I  have,  sir,  the  honour  to  be 

"  Your  obedient  servant, 

"  J.  GLENVILLE." 

On  Saturday  Glenville  came ;  when  after  reading,  criticising, 
correcting  and  laughing,  he  took  copies  of  the  letters ;  it  being 
arranged  that  he  put  one  in  each  coat  pocket,  and  on  waiting 
next  day  on  Miss  Smythe  from  church,  he  should,  at  a  proper 
time,  hand  her  the  proper  letter.  And  all  this  he  accordingly 
did,  and  with  no  greater  blunder  than  putting  his  hand  into  the 


374  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

Brown  pocket,  and  pulling  out  the  wrong  letter — which,  if  he 
had  also  delivered  it  to  Miss  Smythe,  would  have  made  our  book 
still  more  interesting — but  he  fortunately  corrected  his  error  in 
time,  and  prevented  a  very  handsome  laugh  at  our  expense. 

To  save  Miss  S.  the  awkwardness  of  a  special  messenger,  and 
to  avoid  prying  eyes  at  the  post-office,  Glenville,  on  bowing 
adieu  at  the  lady's  door,  stated  that  he  would  call  in  person  next 
morning  for  an  answer.  At  that  time,  therefore,  after  lots  of 
speculating  as  to  the  style  and  manner  of  the.  answer,  Glenville, 
with  Miss  Brown's  letter  in  his  pocket,  and  anxious  not  to  be 
too  early  for  the  lady's  convenience,  nor  too  late  for  the  ardent 
affection  he  intended  to  have,  marched  off  very  bravely,  looking 
back  once  or  twice  and  shaking  his  fist  as  he  caught  sight  of  our 
cachinating  faces. 

Well,  in  due  season  he  returned — but  what  pen  or  pencil  can 
give  the  odd  expression  of  that  face  1 

"  Well,  Glenville,  what  luck  f— (Can  I  ever  forget  the  pecu- 
liar intonation,  emphasis,  inflection  of  that  answer1?) 

"  Engaged  !" 

"Is  it  possible! — but  if  she  had  rco^been,  what  then1?" 

"  Bah  !— do  you  think  I  asked  her  ?" 

"Why  not? — I  should  like  to  know  what  she  thinks  of  you." 

"  Why  not !  In  case  she  did  not  fancy  me,  was  I  going  to 
suffer  a  double  refusal,  when  one  is  decisive  ?" 

"  Haw !  ha  !  he  !*  but  what  have  you  done  with  Miss  Brown's 
letter  ?" 

"  Dropp'd  it  in  the  office  as  I  came  along  ;  and  there's  a 
chance  for  Miss  Brown  to  have  her  revenge.  Bet  a  dollar  she 
says  no  !" 

The  case  of  my  friend  was  like  that  of  the  school  boy,  who 
described  his  disappointment  in  a  composition,  which  we  shall 
here  introduce  to  fill  up  the  time  till  the  return  mail. 


*  We  do  not  expect  the  reader  to  laugh  here,  unless  he  is  so  disposed— I  only 
laughed  at  the  time  because  I  could  not  help  it. 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  375 


"  <Cmnpn0itura  n  JStmtittg/' 


"  The  other  morning  I  went  out  a  hunting  with  father's  duck- 
gun  what  he  brung  out  from  Kentucky ;  but  as  I  had  no  luck,  I 
allowed  I  might  as  well  put  off  for  home  ;  and  so  I  turn  about 
and  goes  towards  home.  As  I  come  to  the  edge  of  our  clearin, 
what  should  I  see  away  off  on  the  top  of  a  dead  walnut,  but  a 
black  crow  !  And  so  I  makes  up  my  mind  to  try  and  hit  him. 
The  critter  was  more  nor  three  hundred  yards  from  me;  but  I 
insinuates  myself  along  as  near  as  two  hundred  yards  to  the 
feller  ;  when  he  begins  a  showing  signs  of  flittin  :  and  so  I  trees 
where  I  was  in  a  minute.  Well,  I  determines  to  try  him  thare, 
although  'twas  near  as  good  as  desperut  to  try  a  black  crow  that 
distance  with  a  shot-gun  ;  although  father's  duck-gun's  the  most 
powerful  shot-gun  in  the  Purchis.  Howsomdever,  I  wanted  the 
load  out;  and  I  thought  I  might  as  well  fire  that  way  as  any 
other — and  so  up  I  draws  the  piece  very  careful,  and  begins  a 
takin  aim,  thinking  all  the  while  I  shouldn't  hit  him :  still  I  tuk 
the  most  exactest  aim,  as  if  I  should ;  when  just  then  he  hops 
about  two  feet  nearer  my  way,  as  if  to  get  a  look  round  my 
tree,  where  he  smelt  powder — and  then,  thinking  all  the  time, 
as  I  said,  I  shouldn't  hit  him,  as  the  distance  was  so  most  power- 
ful fur,  I  blazed  away  ! — and  sure  enough,  as  I'm  alive — I  didn't 
hit  him  !" 

Now  Glenville,  from  the  distance  of  his  second  shot,  insisted 
he  should  never  hit :  yet  how  near  he  came  may  be  conjectured 
from  the  following  replies  to  his  epistle : — 

"  JOHN  GLENVILLE,  ESQ. — 

"  Dear  Sir— 

*******  and  the  inclosed 
from  my  daughter,  to  whom  was  handed  your  late  communica- 
tion, contains,  I  presume,  the  most  satisfactory  answer, 

****and**** 
"  Yours,  very  respectfully,  etc., 

"  REDMAN  GREEN  BROWN." 


376  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

Now,  this  sentence  in  the  envelope  containing  a  sealed  letter 
from  Miss  Brown,  brought  "  the  crow  about  two  feet  nearer  :" 
and  John's  eyes  began  to  sparkle,  although  he  continued  humbly 
affirming  that  the  sealed  epistle  contained — "No!" 
"  SIR  :— 

"  I  honour  you  for  honesty,  as  I  am  satisfied  you  assign  true 
reasons  for  not  taking  one  to  share  your  home ;  although  the 
reasons  themselves  can  never  seem  satisfactory  where  one  was 
willing  to  share  another's  heart.  For,  like  most  girls  in  their 
days  of  romance,  that  one  cared  to  find  only  a  heart  when  she 
married.  As  my  own  home  is  sufficiently  comfortable,  there 
can  be  no  inducement  to  wish  another,  however  comfortable,  in 
the  New  Purchase ;  and  where  its  owner  seems  to  think  *  al- 
tered circumstances'  are  important  in  winning  a  woman's  love. 
But  to  show  that  kindness  is  estimated  that  would  spare  my 
delicacy,  by  leading  my  dear  father  to  think  all  our  conversation 
had  been  sportive,  I  do  hereby  most  cordially — (here  John 
looked!  oh!  I  tell  you  what!) — invite  you  to  our  Christmas 
festivities,  when  the  writer  changes  her  name  from  Mary  Brown 
to  Mary  Burleigh." 

"There,  Carl  ton !  I  told  you  so— I  said  it  would  be — no! 
And  yet  secretly  did  I  wish, — ay  ! — that  the  answer  could  be — 
yes  !  I  am  glad  the  girl  has  her  revenge ;  but  still  I  have 
known  too  many  hardships  not  to  feel  happy  in  the  reflection, 
that  one  I  did  love  a  little,  and  could  now  love  a  great  deal,  has 
never  been  called  to  share  them." 

And  so  after  all,  reader,  our  chapter  ends  without  a  wedding ! 
proving  how  hard  it  is  to  get  an  old  bachelor  married.  An- 
other year  we  may,  perhaps,  be  more  successful. 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  377 


CHAPTER    L. 

FIFTH    YEAR. 

"The  three  R's— Readin,  Ritin,  Rithmetic." 

London  Alderman's  Toast. 

"  I  saw  a  smith  stand  with  his  hammer  thus — 
The  whilst  his  iron  did  on  the  anvil  cool, 
With  open  mouth  swallowing  a  tailor's  news." 

A  GREAT  quarrel  between  the  Eev.  C.  Clarence  and  the  Com- 
monwealth of  Woodville,  was  in  reference  to  the  kind  of  educa- 
tion fit  for  Hoosiers,  Woolverines,  and  other  true  democrats. 
Our  man  of  learning  contended  for  a  liberal  and  thorough  dis- 
cipline of  the  mind  ;  while  we  insisted  on  a  practical  education. 
He  argued  that  no  course  of  education  paid  for  by  the  govern- 
ment, ought  to  have  exclusive  regard  to  any  class,  or  to  any  one 
art,  trade,  or  profession :  but  that  where  the  State  furnished  the 
means,  the  best  intellectual  education  should  be  given  both  to 
the  poor  and  the  rich.  Nay,  he  even  affirmed  that  men  ought 
not  to  be  trained  as  mere  Americans,  and  much  less  as  mere 
western  or  eastern  citizens ;  but  as  men  of  the  world,  as  gentle- 
men, as  Christians. 

About  this  time  Mind,  having  been  accommodated  with  a  pair 
of  legs,  and  the  said  legs  being  fitted  with  seven  league  boots, 
had  marched  our  way,  and  was  now  marking  time  very  furiously 
in  the  Purchase.  Indeed,  we  began  to  be  born  in  circumstances 
favourable  to  sucking  in  thought,  or  something  else,  from  mater- 
nal  breasts ;  and  by  the  aid  of  patent  books  and  machinery  we 
now  obtained  as  much  knowledge  by  the  time  we  could  carry  a 
rifle,  or  tree  a  racoon,  as  our  grandmothers  had  acquired  in  a 
long  life !  All  this  was  real  American,  United  States'  learn- 
ing ! — useful,  practical  stuff ! — such  as  would  enable  a  fellow  to 
get  his  own  bread  and  butter ;  or  in  New  Purchase  terms,  his 
hog  and  hominy ! 


378  THE     NEW    PURCHASE. 

In  the  far  east,  it  is  true,  circumstances  demanded  many 
knowledges.  But  in  the  Purchase,  utility  required  little  beyond 
the  learned  alderman's  R.  R  R. ;  except  a  little  "  Jografee," 
and  "  Surveyin"  enough  to  run  lines  around  a  quarter  section : 
which  were  "  naterally  allowed  to  be  a  sorter  useful  like." 

Nor  was  our  inference  to  be  blamed,  if  education  be,  as  it  has 
been  made  for  the  last  twenty -five  years,  and  is  to  be  made  for 
the  next  fifty,  a  thing  of  utility,  latitudes  and  meridians  ;  for 
we  New  Purchase  folks  lived,  not  as  folks  at  Boston,  or  New 
York ;  and  did  not,  hence,  need  the  same  kind  of  education. 
Nor  cared  we  for  other  people's  notions,  being  content  with  our 
own.  If  the  Great  North  American  United  States  Theories  and 
Systems  are  founded  in  true  philosophy,  then  the  Rev.  Charles 
Clarence,  A.  M.  should  have  come  down  from  his  stilts,  and  be- 
come popular  and  useful,  and  have  educated  us  as  we  wished, 
and  not  as  we  ought  to  be.  And  many  were  the  friends  he 
would  have  bought ;  ay,  and  he  could  have  made  some  money 
too,  had  he  spoken  in  favour  of  Patent  Picture  Books  that  repre- 
sented truth  and  falsehood  too,  enigmatically;  and  had  he 
abused  classical  learning  !  Had  he  delivered  twattle  !  or  sent 
two  boxes  of  dried  bugs !  or  a  chest  of  flints !  with  a  pair  of 
globes,  a  double  wooden  cone,  and  other  toys  to  common 
schools !  And  had  he  not  advocated  heathen  establishments, 
where  children  read  about  Jupiter,  and  Venus,  and  other  he  and 
she  divinities,  instead  of  those  noble,  man-confiding,  common 
schools,  which  in  some  places  so  abhor  all  gods,  as  to  acknow- 
ledge none  either  by  public  prayer,  or  the  reading  of  a  Divine 
Revelation ! 

Fortunate  times !  when  a  politician  may  acquire  reputation 
for  all  learning  and  patriotism,  and  wisdom,  and  philanthropy, 
by  making  a  fourth  rate  plagiarized  speech  before  some  third 
rate  Lyceum  in  favour  of  Practical  American  Education !  Or 
by  sending  five  and  a  half  dollars  worth  of  pebbles  and  toy 
machinery  to  the  People's  School  to  impart  the  knowledges  ! 

Alas !  Clarence,  little  believed  I  once  in  your  predictions ! 
We  thought  you  an  ill  boding  crow  !  And  yet  Classical  Learn- 
ing with  all  its  generous,  manly,  and  intellectual  cognates  is  in. 


THE     NEW      PURCHASE.  379 

most  places  dead — in  all  dying !  In  his  last  letter  Clarence 
himself  thus  writes : — 

"  I  am  now  in  an  incorporated  classical  and 

mathematical  academy  at  the  capital  of  a  boastful  little  State — 
a  school  where  once  numerous  pupils  were  disciplined  in  my 
favourite  system,  and  in  due  time  became  men.  But '  Othello's 
occupation's  gone !'  I  have  only  three  pupils  professedly  study- 
ing even  Latin  !  and  that  only  to  understand  law  terms  !  The 
rest  are  literally  in  the  R.  R.  R.  and  Jogerfree  !  Indeed,  in  a 
population  of  some  twelve  thousand  bodies,  we  can  count  but 
twelve  souls  as  classical  scholars  in  any  of  the  schools,  public  or 
private  !  So  much  for  utilitarianism.  It  pulls  down  ;  it  never 
has,  it  never  can  build  up  !  It  will  hardly  go  to  heaven  if  not 
paid  for  it !  Carlton  !  are  we  out  of  the  woods  1  Has  that 
impudent  far  famed  Theory  of  Practical  Education,  made  us,  as 
was  promised,  happier  and  better  ?  After  all,  are  there  not 
very  many  illiterate  fellows  worth  immense  estates,  who  can 
barely  '  read,  rite,  and  sifer  V  and  who  are  vastly  richer  than 
the  best  utilitarian  school  system  ever  made  any  body  ?  After 
all,  an  education  in  mental  discipline,  in  the  good  old  way,  is 
the  best  for  practical  uses ;  and  if  a  disciplined  man  fail  in 
making  money  or  gaining  worldly  honours,  he  never  can  fail,  if 
virtuous,  in  possessing  his  intellectual  superiority  and  its  con- 
comitant joys ;  but  my  paper  is  out.  Farewell." 

Yes,  Clarence,  you  were  right  and  we  wrong.  Well  do  I  re- 
member your  lectures  and  conversations,  in  which  you  insisted 
it  was  wrong  to  appeal  so  exclusively  to  the  selfish  and  politi- 
cal feelings  and  views,  and  thus  coax  men  to  have  schools. 
How  you  argued  that  whole  communities,  if  disappointed  in 
immediate  and  profitable  results,  came  soon  to  ask  "  cui  bono  ?" 
not  only  as  to  the  classics,  but  even  as  to  the  sacred  R.  R.  R. 
themselves.  For  what  was  else  to  be  expected,  when  virtue 
itself  was  valued  as  it  was  found  useful ;  and  honesty  practised 
and  tolerated,  because  the  best  policy  1 

Yes  !  yes  !  thy  mantle  is  fallen  upon  me  !  the  puerile  picture 
book,  the  question  and  answer,  the  no-studying,  the  cheap  as 


380  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

dirt,  and  nearly  as  worthless  systems,  shall  all  themselves  come 
in  due  time  to  be  neglected  ! 

Our  professor,  however,  did  persuade  a  few  to  lay  the  proper 
foundation  of  mental  discipline  in  the  proper  union  of  classical 
and  abstract  mathematical  studies.  And  so  well  did  he  cause 
to  appear  the  few  thus  persuaded,  in  contrast  to  equals  restric- 
ted elsewhere  to  the  beggarly  elements  of  a  good  (?)  English 
education ;  and  so  manifest  had  it  become,  that  the  R.  R.  R. 
and  other  common  and  even  uncommon  English  branches  could 
all  be  acquired,  while  pupils  were  laying  the  proper  foundation, 
that  not  only  were  some  of  the  Woodville  commonwealth  in- 
duced to  try  "  the  high  and  big-bug  larnin,"  but  pupils  for  the 
same  purpose  began  to  come  from  abroad.  And  these  were 
styled  Foreign  and  Strange  Students. 

And  then,  dear  reader,  as  moneys  came  in,  you  have  no  idea 
how  converts  increased  to  the  doctrine  of  College-utility  !  for 
none  could  deny  the  utility  !  It  was  tangible,  visible,  audible  ! 
With  our  own  eyes  we  saw  Cash  !  handled  it  with  our  fingers  ! 
heard  it  jingle  with  our  ears !  And  all  at  once  "  high  laming" 
became  as  popular  as  common  schools.  It  was  equal  to  a  pro- 
ductive system,  or  grammar  !  It  raised  the  wind  !  It  brought 
the  rhino !  Only  show  that  a  school,  an  academy,  a  college,  or, 
a  church,  will  advance  the  value  of  town  lots — bring  in  more 
consumers — create  a  demand  for  beef,  cloth,  pepper  and  salt, 
powder  and  shot;  then,  from  the  vulgar  plebeian  dealing  in 
shoe-leather,  up  to  the  American  nobleman  dealing  in  shops,  and 
who  retails  butter  and  eggs,  we  shall  hear  one  spontaneous  voice 
in  favour ! 

But  wo,  Pedagogue,  if  all  are  not  speedily  benefited  by  your 
school !  Wo  !  if  town  lots  rise  not !  if  boots  are  not  worn  with 
dandy  heels !  if  every  body  that  has  one  spare  room  and  two 
garrets,  obtains  not  boarders !  if  cloth  sells  not  ever  so  many 
hundred  per  cent  above  cost !  if,  in  short,  you  enrich  not  all 
your  dear  fellow-townsmen ! — then  shall  you  hear  the  growlings 
of  swine-like  selfishness,  and  be  asked  "  what's  the  use  of 
learning1?"  Then  shall  you  be  complimented  with  many 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.-  381 

honorary  titles,  as  "  pitiful  schemer  !" — "  book  worm  !" — "  idle 
rascal !" 

The  star  of  Clarence  was,  however,  on  the  ascendant ;  and  he 
that  had  introduced  "  the  Yankee  trick"  of  exacting  written  ex- 
cuses, was  suddenly  discovered  to  be  "  a  powerful  and  mighty 
clever  feller !"  And  his  "  high  larn'd  idees"  had  more  good  in 
them  than  one  could  have  conjectured  !  But  when  two  gentle- 
men from  a  slave  State  appeared  in  Woodville,  at  the  opening 
of  this  summer's  session,  and  not  merely  with  three  boys  as 
new  scholars,  but  with  the  avowed  intentions  of  buying  town 
lots  and  living  with  us  till  the  education  of  their  sons  should  be 
completed ;  and  when  these  gentlemen  were  seen  in  broad- 
cloth coats  with  yellow  buttons,  and  canton  crape  pantaloons, 
walking  round  and  examining  sites  for  dwellings — then  was  the 
college  extolled  to  the  very  heavens !  And  Clarence !  what 
did  he  not  become  1  If  not  a  demi-god,  at  least  within  a  fourth 
of  it — a  veritable  semi-demi-one,  a  genuine  terrestrial  quarter- 
deus  ! 

Poor  fellow !  he  was  a  little  inflated  by  the  popular  breath ; 
and  mistaking  the  vox  populi  for  the  vox  dei,  he  said  the  college 
was  safe !  and  that  Providence  had  some  remarkably  excellent 
things  in  view  for  the  great  valley  of  the  Mississippi  in  general, 
and  for  our  portion  of  it  in  particular !  Ah !  enthusiast !  how 
you  made  us  thrill  with  your  paintings  of  our  future !  How 
you  thanked  heaven  for  casting  your  lot  among  us !  and 
dreamed  of  sumptuous  edifices  for  colleges !  and  libraries !  and 
apparatus !  and  crowded  recitation  rooms !  You  lost  sight  of 
your  own  principles,  and  thought  pyramids  could  be  built  on 
air!  Happily,  my  friend's  day-dreaming  was  soon  dispelled, 
or  he  would  have  been  ruined.  As  it  was,  he  increased  his  own 
library  many  fold.  He  bought  Minoras,  and  Majoras,  and 
Homers,  and  Ciceros,  and  lexicons,  and  concordances,  and  an- 
tiquities, and  anthologies,  and  architectures — and  would  have 
ordered  the  whole  stock  of  the  Harpers'  and  Appletons'  of  the 
day — as  if  selfishness  in  a  community  was  the  basis  for  a  large 
library,  any  more  than  for  a  liberal,  manly,  gentlemanly,  and 
Christian  education ! 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

In  these  pleasing  circumstances,  our  Principal  relaxed  not  the 
reins  of  wholesome  discipline.  And  at  this  very  juncture,  our 
Faculty  had  promulged  a  decree  against  something;  but  on 
finding  both  public  and  private  admonition  unavailing,  they  ad- 
vertised that  the  next  transgression  would  be  visited  by  a  brief 
suspension.  On  the  very  next  day  two  pupils  were  seen  by 
both  masters,  and  in  the  very  act  of  disobedience;  and  of 
course  Crabstick  and  Thorntree  were  suspended  for — twenty- 
four  hours ! 

Many  things  create  surprise  in  our  mysterious  world,  which 
are  followed,  some  by  contempt,  others  by  indignation  and  rage. 
A  tom-cat  exquisite  leaps  lightly  on  a  toilette  before  a  glass, 
and  for  the  first  sees  a  rival  waving  a  taper  tail,  arching  a  velvet 
back,  and  purring  with  the  most  provoking  complacency — all 
where  he  had  reigned  alone !  His  eye  dilates  with  amazement ! 
yet  in  a  moment  he  intrudes  his  nose  behind  the  mirror  and  the 
antagonist  cat  is  vanished !  And  Tom  ever  after  treats  such 
semblances  with  the  coolest  indifference. 

Not  so  Haw-Buck,  who  came  into  town  to  see  the  battle  of 
Bunker  Hill.  His  surprise  was  followed  with  indignation  at 
the  reckless  chaps  that  handled  fire-arms  so  carelessly.  "  Why 
darn  'em,"  as  he  took  off  his  ram-beaver  and  saw  a  hole  in  its 
cylinder,  "  why  darn  'em  !  if  they  hain't  a  firin  bullits !" 

The  surprise  of  Woodville,  in  its  consequences,  was  analogous, 
not  to  that  of  pussy,  but  of  Haw-Buck.  The  pupils  generally 
heard  the  sentence  with  a  look  that  said — "  we  allow  the  mas- 
ters don't  know  what  they  are  doing !" — while  Crabstick  and 
Thorntree  left  the  room  in  manifest  indignation !  And  then,  in 
a  few  hours,  the  fama  clamosa  was  conveyed  to  every  man, 
woman  and  child  in  all  Woodville ;  and  in  a  few  more,  to  every 
one  in  our  whole  settlement ! 

At  first,  our  community  was  dumb  /  Yard-sticks  were  ar- 
rested in  admeasurements !  Needles  stood  with  thread  in  the 
eye!  Wax-ends  stuck  in  awl-holes!  Planes,  hammers,  axes, 
saws,  and  other  industrious  implements  ceased  operating! 
and  our  folks  hurried  forth  to  unite  wonders !  Every  store  be- 
came crowded ;  and  every  bar-room  and  doggery  !  Knots  of 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  383 

wise  persons  gathered  at  every  corner ;  and  all  places  were  full 
of  winks,  shrugs,  elevated  eyebrows,  puckered  mouths,  and 
quivering  noses ! 

It  was  soon  rumoured  that  Thorntree,  a  foreign  student,  had 
hired  a  horse  from  Liebug,  and  in  an  uncontrollable  fit  of  dud- 
geons gone  home  to  his  father,  Major  Thorntree.  And  then,  if 
our  regulators  had,  like  the  ass  in  one  of  his  phases,  been 
dumb,  they  now  imitated  him  in  another ;  for  no  unanimous 
braying  of  a  herd  of  donkeys  could  equal  the  hideous  outcries 
of  my  townsmen ! 

My  store  was  always  a  head  quarters,  for  I  was  a  leading 
trustee  ;  beside  we  were  liberal  in  the  nut  and  apple  line ;  and 
also  gave,  often,  third-rate  raisins  to  women  and  children,  and 
fragments  of  lead,  or  a  second-rate  flint  to  a  chap.  But  above 
all  "  Carl  tin  was  the  feller  to  play  the  flute  and  the  fiddle,  and 
his  ole  woman,  the  body  what  could  rattle  the  pianny !"  For 
some  days,  our  store  was  now  jammed  with  representatives 
extra  from  all  the  arts,  trades,  and  professions ;  yes,  and  ages 
and  sexes ;  and  I  was  worn  down  with  talking  and  hearing,  but 
without  selling  a  dollar's  worth.  I  took  some  revenge,  indeed, 
by  giving  away  no  goodies,  and  hinting  to  some  of  the  most 
violent  and  abusive  a  settlement  of  accounts. 


tf 

"  I  say,  Mr.  Carltin,  ain't  you  goin  to  put  the  fellers  out?" 

"Put  out!  why1?" 

"  Why  ! — why  it's  plain  enuf  they've  gone  on  like  'ristecrats 
— and  won't  it  take  away  a  poor  man's  livin  ?" 

"  Just  the  other  way,  if  all  was  understood " 

"  Didn't  Thorntree  get  boots  of  me1?" 

"  Yes — and  cakes  and  candy  at  our  shop  1" 

"  And  what's  more  to  the  pint,  Carltin,  won't  the  Major  go 
agin  us  next  legislatur  T* 

«  Well— arter  all,  what  did  the  studints  do  ]  only  break  a 
paltry  Yankee  reg'lashin  for  five  minits  or  so  ?" 


384  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

"Yes — and  the  master  down  our  settlemint  says  he  never 
heern  tell  of  sich  a  rule ;  and  he's  sentimentally  of  opinion  it's 
a  robbin  a  boy  of  his  money  by  keepin  him  out  a  school  for 
nothun  no  how " 

"  I  tell  you  what,  I  heern  Bob  say  he  expects  Squire  Bromp- 
ton  is  goin  agin  'em — Clarinse  and  all " 

"  That's  my  sentiments,  'cos  Major  Thorntree " 

"  No — that's  not  the  why ;  but  Bob  thinks  the  Squire  won't 
sell  his  lots  to  them  what's  to  be  new  comers " 

"  Have  the  gentlemen  given  up  the  bargain  ?" 

"  Well,  I  don't  know  as  they  has ;  but  Bob  says  he  expects 
the  Squire  will  think  so " 

"  What's  Sylvan  say,  Carltin  ?" 

"  I  have  not  heard  him  say  any  thing." 

"  You  ain't !  well,  Jake  says  ole  man  Hazel  told  his  son's  wife, 
that  the  doctor  tell  him  the  Fakilty  had  been  too  quick " 

"  I  do  not  believe  it ;  for  the  Faculty  acted  with  the  utmost 
deliberation,  and " 

«  Yes — you  always  stick  to  thar  side ;  but  darn  my  leggins, 
if  I  ain't  powerful  glad  they  did  something  to  turn  them  out." 

"Why?" 

"  Bekase  they're  sectarians  and  rats  ;  and  it's  high  time  the 
rest  on  us  had  a  chance.  '  Eotashin  in  onus,'  as  ole  Hickery 
Face  says — '  rotashin  for  ever  !'  " 

"  Pick  my  flint !  if/  didn't  always  say  they'd  do  some  high- 
hand  something  some  day,  as  soon  as  Clarinse  made  Polly's 
step-son  bring  excusis  on  paper  in  hand-rite  !" 

"  Joe  Patchin,  is  Crabstick  and  Thorntree  goin  to  come  back 
— did  you  a  sort  a  hear  ?" 

"  Crabstick  is,  maybe — but  not  tother." 

"Why?" 

"  'Cos  he  said  to  Liebug  when  he  hired  his  hoss,  says  he,  '  I 
hope  I  may  be  rowed  up  Salt  River  if  ever  I  cum  back  agin  to 
school  any  more,  if  the  trustees  don't  turn  out  Clarinse  and 
Harwood !' " 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  385 

"  And  so,  Mr.  Carltin,  your  Board's  a  goin  to  meet !" 

"  Yes,  the  Major  is  here  with  his  son,  and  they  insist  on  a 

meeting  to  see  who  is  to  blame " 

"  Bust  my  rifle  !  we'll  dog  out  the  rats  now !" 

"  Yes,  Ned,  but  if  the  Faculty  have  done  right " 

"  Carltin  ! — you're  a  honest  sort  a  feller — but  bust  my  rifle  ! 

if  I  ever  run  up  a  'count  agin  in  your  'are  store,  if  you  vote  for 

the  fakilty-fellers." 

"  Ned  ! — I'm  sorry  you  would  bribe  me  to  do  wrong  ;  but, 

Ned,  a  man's  bribe  is  not  very  powerful,  as  long  as  his  old 

account  is  not  .paid " 

"  You  needn't  a  be  a  hintin  round  that  a  way,  Carltin — I'll 

pay  you  now,  if  you'll  take  all  trade — and  bust  my  rifle  !  if  I'll 

ever  buy  a  pound  a  lead  in  this  'ere  store  agin,  no  how !" 


Such  are  selections  from  our  many  long,  boisterous,  and 
angry  dialogues.  But  pass  we  to  the  next  chapter,  which  nar- 
rates the  meeting  of  our  Board. 


CHAPTER    LI. 


Vox  populi  I 
"Look,  as  I  blow  this  feather  from  my  face, 
And,  as  the  air  blows  it  to  me  again, 
Obeying  with  my  wind  when  I  do  blow, 
And  yielding  to  another  when  it  blows, 
Commanded  always  by  the  greater  gust; 
Such  is  the  likeness  of  your  common  men  I1 


MAJOR  THORNTREE  having  come  a  wearisome  journey,  from 

a  love  of  justice  and  to  promote  the  welfare  of  Woodville 

and  so  he  always  insisted— our  Board  could  but  consent  to  a 
meeting;  especially  when  the  Major  expressed  his  fears  that 
certain  statesmen  might  unhappily  influence  the  next  Legisla- 
17 


386  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

ture  to  remove  the  College,  unless  the  Faculty  were  better 
watched  and  governed.  Beside,  from  the  report  of  his  son,  who 
was  a  very  honest  boy  and  never  said  anything  to  a  person's 
prejudice,  and  from  what  had  been  stated  to  himself  since  his 
arrival,  by  some  worthy  citizens  of  Woodville,  the  Major  really 
believed — so  he  said — that  there  had  been  gross  mismanage- 
ment in  general  by  the  Faculty,  and  much  shameless  partiality, 
and  at  the  expense  of  his  son  particularly.  He  thought,  too, 
his  son's  punishment  was  for  a  very  trivial  offence,  and  had 
been  rash,  and  perhaps,  malicious ;  at  all  events,  it  was  exces- 
sive and  arbitrary,  aristocratic  and  unconstitutional ;  hence, 
such  things  must  be  crushed  and  resisted  now,  or  there  would 
be  a  speedy  union  of  Church  and  State. 

We,  therefore,  met.  And,  first,  were  canvassed  and  rejected 
many  propositions  suggested  to  us  by  different  ones  of  our 
numerous  lobby-members.  Among  these  proposals  were  some 
remarkable  for  boldness,  simplicity  and  ingenuity ;  such  as 
"  turn  'em  rite  out !" — "  send  'em  packin  !" — "  pay  'em  and 
have  done  with  'em  !" — "  don't  pay  'em  no  how !" — "  sue  for 
damejis !"  But  it  was  finally  determined  by  our  honourable 
visitor,  the  Major,  that  we  should  summon  the  Faculty  and  hear 
their  defence  !  Nay — he  was  even  willing  to  have  a  trial ;  as 
he  said  witnesses  were  in  attendance  from  the  citizens,  and  he 
thought  it  proper  also  to  call  on  all  the  students  for  their  opin- 
ion and  testimony ! 

About  the  same  time,  Charles  Clarence  was  employed  in 
castle  building ;  or  what  was  the  same  sort  of  architecture  in 
the  Purchase  — in  College  building  ;  being  seated  on  "  a  cloud 
capt  tower"  of  sublime  and  solemn  view !  But  awaked  by  the 
braying  discord  of  Woodville,  he  started  from  his  dream  !  and 
spite  of  all  past  experience  he  was  momentarily  amazed  !  He 
had  caught  a  new  glimpse  of  a  many-headed  monster  !  and  its 
enormous  tail  !  He  became  sick  at  heart !  He  seemed  in  a 
vacuum — as  if  all  the  air  was  blowing  from  around  him  !  Yet, 
soon  he  recalled  important  truths,  such  as — "  cease  from  man, 
whose  breath  is  in  his  nostrils !" — "  put  not  your  trust  in 
princes !" 


THE      NEW     PUR'CIIASE.  387 

And  when  the  first  bitterness  of  the  soul  was  past,  he  remem 
bered  his  Divine  Muster  ;  who  did  good  to  the  wicked  and 
thankless  !  yea,  to  enemies  !  .  And  he  thought  the  very  folly 
and  ignorance  and  malice  and  idleness  of  a  community,  were 
the  very  things  Christ's  servants  must  strive  to  enlighten,  re 
move,  correct,  instruct !  Ashamed  then  of  his  momentary 
alarm,  he  recalled  the  noble  saying  of  an  ancient  statesman  and 
warrior,  who  builded  a  wall  in  troublesome  times ;  and  he 
resolved  to  imitate,  and  like  him  said — "What!  shall  such  a 
man  as  I  flee  !" 

Meanwhile,  rumour  had  been  tramping  about  with  her  crescit 
eundb;  and,  long  before  the  Faculty  received  our  Scytala,  they 
had  heard  her  cry — "  The  Board  has  told  Major  Thorntree,  the 
•Faculty  shall  be  tried  and  turned  right  out,  and  shall  be  sued 
for  damages  done  the  school,  the  State,  and — Woodville,  by 
their  unconstitutional,  high-hand,  big-buggish,  aristocratic  yan- 
kee  notions ! !" 

The  accused  had  nearly  a  mile  to  walk  to  the  place  of  execu- 
tion ;  and  along  the  path  were  strewed  the  sovereign  people  to 
see  "  the  fellers  go  along  to  git  it !"  Yet  instead  of  beholding 
"two  fellers"  sneaking  along,  like  office-holders  trembling  about 
their  bread  and  butter,  they  saw  two  gentlemen  proceeding 
with  a  slow  and  somewhat  studied  gait,  with  heads  erect,  coun- 
tenances serene,  and  not  rarely  illuminated  with  smiles  of  min- 
gled pity  and  contempt,  benevolence  and  indignation  !  Sneers, 
therefore,  ready  to  curl  on  noses,  and  looks  of  vulgar  triumph, 
with  which  01  IIoAAoi  intended  to  greet  their  victims,  were 
changed  into  remarks  and  looks  of  vexed  admiration  ;  for  bar- 
barians of  all  kinds  pay  involuntary  honour  to  calm  and  fearless 
conduct  in  those  destined  to  the  torture.  Indeed,  the  crowd 
to-day,  was  at  a  loss  to  say,  whether  the  Faculty  were  going 
up  town  to  be  tried ;  or  as  lords  and  judges  to  give  and  inter- 
pret the  laws. 

On  entering  the  court  our  gentlemen  bowed,  and  then  took 
stations  where  such  could  be  found  ;  for  all  the  stools,  backless 
chairs,  and  even  bedsides  of  Dr.  Sylvan's  room,  where  we  had 
convened,  were  filled ;  and  like  all  ultra  fashionables  at  a  jam, 


388  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

some  of  us  stood,  till  politeness,  necessity,  or  whim  in  those 
seated  and  reclined,  gave  others  a  temporary  seat. 

A  dead  calm  ensued ;  we,  of  course,  not  knowing  how  to 
proceed  with  our  prisoners,  as  we  were  in  the  predicament  of 
the  Pro-consul,  who  felt  the  awkwardness  of  sending  a  State 
prisoner  to  Caesar  without  any  good  accusation.  But  Mr. 
Clarence  himself  kindly  relieved  our  embarrassment  by  break- 
ing the  ice  thus : 

GENTLEMEN — We  are  here,  though  not  as  delinquents.  We 
come,  however,  not  merely  willing,  but  even  desirous  that  our 
whole  official  conduct  may  be  subjected  to  the  most  rigorous 
and  minute  investigation.  We  are  confident,  if  popular  clamour 
be  disregarded,  and  improper  interference  be  disallowed,  we  are 
confident  we  can  make  the  College ;  and,  if  it  must  be  a  reason 
for  the  aid  or  silence  of  some,  we  can  make  the  town.  We  are 
ready  then,  to  give  ample  and  minute  explanations  to  the  Board; 
or  answer  any  question  of  any  of  its  members  about  our  plans, 
rules,  maxims — in  short — our  whole  discipline;  and  are  sure 
that  the  more " 

Here  the  Major,  and  without  rising,  broke  in — "this  is  all 
very  fair,  Mr.  Clarence,  but  the  Board — (the  Major  was  no 
member) — think  you  have  been  hasty  and  partial ;  and  /  my- 
self, think,  as  my  son  has  been  unjustly  used,  you  ought  to  give 
some  satisfaction " 

"  I  question  your  right,  Major  Thorntree,"  rejoined  Clarence, 
"  to  speak  thus  in  the  Board ;  but  we  waive  our  objection ;  and 
if  it  will  satisfy  you  or  the  Board,  we  submit  to  what  you  may 
be;pleased  to  call  and  consider  a  trial." 

"  Well,  sir,  will  you  allow  the  students  to  appear  as  wit- 
nesses ?" 

"Willingly  even — that!  And  yet  I  know  not  that  such  a 
request  ought  to  surprise  us  more  than  all  the  proceedings. 
Yes,  call  in  all  the  students — let  them  say  what  is  true — we  in- 
vite the  truth." 

Some  one  here  asked  if  the  boys  should  take  an  oath ! ! 

"  No,  sir  !  no,  sir!  no!" — said  Clarence — "by  no  means — 
every  consideration  is  against  it !  No !  let  them  speak  on 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  389 

honour  what  they  know  or  even  believe  to  be  truth!  And 
beside,  we  pledge  our  honour  that  we  will  never  remember  to 
their  prejudice  whatever  disparaging  things  may  be  said  by 
them  as  witnesses." 

A  whisper  of  approbation  began  to  buzz  around  our  lobbies ; 
which  sussurration  reaching  the  People  without,  was  answered 
by  a  gentle  "  hurrah  !  for  the"  Fakilty  !"  At  this  the  Major 
was  a  leetle  disconcerted.  But  as  he  had  a  little  modesty  that 
was  natural.  He,  then,  remarked  : — 

"  You  seem  in  good  spirits,  gentlemen," — (Clarence  and 
Harwood,) — "  yet  if  I  am  allowed  to  bring  in  all  the  testimony, 
your  confidence  may  be  weaker.  But  how  shall  the  boys  give 
their  testimony,  sir  ?" 

"  I  will  tell  you,  sir,"  replied  Clarence :  "  place  a  chair 
there : — now  call  in  every  boy,  without  exception,  and  in  any 
order  deemed  satisfactory — do  not  omit  even  the  two  suspended 
boys.  Then,  let  the  boy  in  the  chair  for  the  time,  first  tell  an 
uninterrupted  story ;  then  let  the  Major,  or  any  member  of  the 
Board,  ask  any  questions,  leading  or  otherwise,  that  he  may 
wish ;  and  then  let  Professor  Harwood  and  myself  have  the 
same  privilege,  and " 

"  That's  fair !  if  it  ain't,  bust  my  rifle !" — was  heard  from 
without,  manifesting  a  change  in  favour  of  the  right.  And  that, 
as  was  always  the  case,  had  a  corresponding  effect  on  matters 
within.  Hence  I  ventured  now  on  no  injudicious  interference. 
The  Major,  too,  was  evidently  awed  by  this  voice  of  his  mas- 
ters :  and,  perhaps,  certain  of  our  young  folks  were  thus  aided 
in  speaking  the  truth,  or  at  least  in  not  suppressing  it.  Whether 
Clarence  designed  to  be  so  politic  is  not  for  me  to  say ; — but 
we  lived  in  a  log-rolling  country — and  even  the  best  of  men 
will  manage  in  emergencies.  Indeed,  our  Board  and  its  Major, 
only  wanted  the  vox  populi :  and  Clarence  only  contrived  to 
make  their  god  speak — ass  though  it  often  be. 

The  students,  introduced  one  by  one  into  the  chair — with  a 
few  exceptions — gave  a  united  testimony  in  favour  of  the 
Faculty  :  and  even  young  Crabstick  said  nothing  against  them, 
save  that,  they  ought  not  to  have  suspended  him — and  yet,  as  it 


390  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

was  over,  he  said,  he  intended  to  return  to  school !     The  other 
sprout,  Thorntree,  refused  to  appear. 

The  Major,  thus  far  disappointed,  now  proposed  to  call  in  the 
citizens  as  witness,  as  "  wrong  had  been  done  by  the  Faculty  ! 
but  that  boys  stood  naturally  in  awe  of  their  teachers ! !  and, 
therefore,  they  did  not  like  to  tell  all  they  knew ! !  !" 

Clarence  then  remarked  : — "  Had  not  our  amazement  all  been 
used  up,  gentlemen,  we  should  certainly  be  aghast  at  this  ! — 
but,  be  it  so — let  our  fellow-citizens  all  come  in ;  and  without 
an  oath  !  We  know  ten  thousand  idle  rumours  are  afloat : — 
but,  if  every  honest  man  will  honourably  and  fearlessly,  like  a 
backwoodsman,  state  exactly,  and  neither  more  nor  less  than 
what  he  himself  personally  has  seen,  heard,  and  knows  about 
Mr.  Harwood  and  myself,  in  all  our  dealings  .and  intercourse 
with  them  as  citizens,  as  men,  as  teachers,  as  Christians — I  say, 

call  them  in — call  them  in — we  are  ready " 

(Outside.) 

"  Pick  rny  flint — if  I  know  any  thing  agin  the  fakilty  men 
arter  all " 

"  Nor  me  nuther — bust  my  rifle  if  I  do  !" 

"  Well — all  I  know,  I  heern  Patchin's  ole  womun  a  sayin' 
she  heerd  say  they  was  powerful  ristocratty " 

"I'm  sentimentally  of  opinyin,  Ned,  thare  ain't  no  use  a-goin' 
in,  if  a  feller  dosen't  know  nothun  of  himself." 

"  Bust  my  rifle,  if  we're  quite  sich  fools  !" 

"  Agreed — them's  my  sentiments  !" 

"  Me  too !" 

This  thunder  on  the  proper  side  from  the  politicians'  god,  was 
operating  to  the  immediate  and  honourable  discharge  of  our 
prisoners ;  and,  perhaps,  with  an  apology  for  the  trouble  caused 
them ;  when  the  Major  announced  one  citizen  as  ready  to  state 
on  his  own  knowledge,  things  adverse  to  the  Faculty. 

"  Who  is  it,  sir  ?  demanded  Clarence. 

"  Mendax  Liebug." 

"  Mr.  Liebug  !  and  does  Major  Thorntree  ask  this  honourable 
Board  to  believe  without  an  oath,  a  person  not  admissible  in 
yonder  court-house  as  a  witness  even  with  an  oath  ?  No  Athe- 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  391 

ist  shall  ever  testify  semi-judicially  either  for  or  against  me : 
and  1  trust,  gentlemen,  this  will  not  be  permitted — but,  if  other- 
wise, be  the  consequences  what  they  may,  the  instant  Mr.  Lie- 
bug  enters  that  door  as  a  witness,  I  take  my  departure  out  of 
this." 

Several  members  of  the  Board  expressed  approbation  of 
Clarence's  sentiments  :  and  the  people,  led  by  the  Hoosier  that 
swore  by  his  rifle,  all  allowed  "  it  would  be  most  powerful  onfair 
to  ask  folks  to  believe  any  body  without  swearin',  who  couldn't 
take  a  legal  affidavy."  And  Mr.  Mendax  Liebug  was  not  ad- 
mitted. 

As  a  last  attempt  to  demolish  the  Faculty,  the  Major  said  he 
would  rest  the  whole  on  one  question  and  answer,  if  Mr.  Clar- 
ence was  willing. 

"I  am  willing,  sir," — said  Clarence, — "proceed." 

The  people  crowded  to  hear,  won  by  our  Principal's  can- 
dour and  readiness — two  things  all  potent  with  genuine  woods- 
men : — and  then  the  Major,  with  a  triumphant  flourish,  went 
on  : — 

"  Mr.  Clarence,  you  are  a  preacher ;  and  the  Bible  directs  us 
to  do  to  others  as  we  would  be  done  by  : — well,  sir,  recall  your 
boyish  days,  and  put  yourself  in  my  son's  place ;  and,  how 
would  you  have  acted,  in  view  of  what  you  deemed  small  laws, 
and  how  would  you  have  regarded  a  Faculty,  that  had  acted  as 
you  have  just  acted  towards  rny  son  ?" 

"  Why,  sir,"  said  Clarence,  in  reply,  "  I  should  have  acted 
just  as  thoughtlessly  as  your  son  has  acted,  and  as  most  young 
men  every  where  occasionally  act: — I  should,  then,  probably 
have  broken  the  laws  and  abused  a  Faculty ;  and,  of  course, 
merited  and  received  what  your  son  merited  and  received — dis- 
cipline. Thus  I  thought  and  should  have  done  when  '  a  child  ;' 
but  having  become  a  man,  I  have  put  away  childish  things,  and 
have  dealt  with  your  son  now,  as  men  ought  to  have  dealt  with 
me  then." 

"  Hah  !  haw  ! — perttee  powerful  smart  feller !  if  that  ain't  a 
fair  answer,  bust  my  rifle  !  Come,  boys,  let's  be  off — I  allow 
Clarinse  and  t'other  fakilty  man  kin  manudge  collige  better  nor 


392  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

us.  Who's  goin'  squurrillin' — no  use  wastin'  time  here  -no 
longer  no  how !" 

And  so  away  went  the  people  ;  and  away  went  the  Trustees ; 
and  away  went  the  Faculty.  But  the  Major  and  they  first 
shook  hands,  in  sign  of  forgiveness  and  amity  :  yet  young 
Thorntree  was  not  sent  back  to  school,  and  the  Major  was  ever 
more  suspected  as  an  enemy,  than  loved  as  a  friend. 

The  next  day,  honest  Rifle-bust  walked  into  my  store,  and 
began  as  follows : — 

"  Well— bust  hiy  rifle,  Carltin,  if  I  wa'rn't  most  teetotally 
and  sentimentally  wrong  'bout  that  fakilty  thing.  Here,  I've 
brung  a  dozen  squurl  for  your  ole  woman — and  I  want  the  worth 
on  'em  in  lead.  I'll  not  settle  our  whole  'count  now — but  next 
week  J'll  get  that  hoss-beast  for  you,  and  in  sang  time  I'll  likkefy 
all " 

"  Oh !  no  odds,  Ned  !  I  didn't  fear  an  honest  man : — only 
use  your  own  eyes  and  ears,  and  you'll  do  people  justice — here's 
your  lead.  Now  just  step  in  and  see  Mrs.  Carl  ton,  and  she'll 
play  you  a  tune." 

Accordingly,  in  went  Ned  ;  and  directly  up  struck  the  piano 
— not  with  any  of  your  new-fangled  fandangos,  but  with  those 
primitive  movements — "  Polly  put  the  Kettle  on,"  and  so  forth : 
and  soon  could  be  plainly  heard  Ned  kicking  to  pieces  my  rag 
carpet,  in  what  he  called  a  dance;  and  then  Mrs.  Carlton's 
merry  laugh,  as  Ned  gave  a  vernacular  version  of  "  the  rum- 
pus 'tween  Clarinse  and  the  Major,  and  t'other  fakilty-man," 
and  ended  with  his  "  sentirncntul  opinyin  that  the  Majur  was 
most  teetotally  discumflisticutted,  and  near  about  as  good  as 
chaw'd  up." 

Our  Board,  after  this  disturbance,  met  and  enacted  a  code  of 
laws  for  the  guidance  of  the  Faculty,  and  ordained,  among  other 
matters,  that  for  a  first  offence,  should  be  private  admonition : 
for  the  second,  public  admonition ;  and  for  the  third,  suspen- 
sion !  This  beautiful  gradation  had  been  mentioned  in  some 
venerable  old  woman's  Prize  Essay  on  education ;  and  was 
supposed  to  embody  the  quintessence  of  all  experience  in  the 
art  of  government.  It  was  not,  indeed,  stated  whether  the 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

same  offence  was  to  be  committed  three  times  ;  or  three  differ- 
ent offences ;  or  if  the  same  must  be  done  by  three  different  pu- 
pils in  succession,  or  by  one  three  times,  to  secure  the  benefits 
of  suspension.  Nor  was  any  thing  said  about  the  age,  the  un- 
derstanding, the  knowledge,  the  temptations,  the  aggravations  of 
an  offender  and  offence.  And  no  notice  was  taken  of  looks, 
words,  gestures,  etc.,  etc. — any  or  all  of  which  often  accom- 
pany one  offence,  and  make  it  equal  to  three — and  even  to  three 
times  three  ! 

Hence  our  skilful  application  of  patent  gum  and  gammon  for 
the  teaching  of  teachers,  wrought  as  the  Faculty  predicted — 
two  offences  of  the  same  kind  were  repeatedly  committed  by 
the  boys  collectively  and  individually,  and  private  and  public 
admonitions  were  as  plenty  as  beech-nuts ;  while  the  ingenuous 
youths,  instead  of  doing  an  old  sin  once  more,  did  a  new  one 
twice  !  Indeed,  nothing  was  more  sport  than  to  get  admonition 
No.  2 ;  for  the  "  fellows"  had  come  to  see  plain  enough,  that 
the  Faculty  were  not  really  masters  unless  the  pupils  should  be 
silly  enough  to  give  them  that  advantage. 

In  this  state  of  affairs,  a  relative  of  Liebug's  entered  the 
school  and  purposely  committed  offence  No.  1.  Now,  No.  1 
had  been  twice  committed  by  other  boys,  and  had  been  duly  re- 
buked— and  so  No.  1  was  decided  by  the  Faculty,  in  this  case, 
owing  to  the  great  effrontery  of  young  Brass,  to  be  really  No. 
3.  And,  therefore,  Mr.  Brass,  jun.  was  promptly  suspended  for 
one  week. 

Immediately  Mr.  Brass,  Sen.,  determined  to  have  a  meeting 
of  our  Board.  But  we,  now  convinced  that  the  old  woman's  or 
the  impertinent  Mr.  Boston's  patent  twaddle  rules,  could  not  be 
made  to  measure  into  all  the  sinuosities,  and  around  all  the  an- 
gles of  behaviour  in  merry  and  cunning  lads ;  and  that,  after 
all,  well  qualified  teachers  were  as  competent  to  judge  of  things 
as  pert  writers  or  Taylorian  lecturers,  or  persons  that  have  con- 
ducted infant-schools,  or  short-hand  schools,  or  steam  schools  of 
ever  so  many  horse  power — we  now  refused  to  be  called. 
Whereupon  Mr.  Brass,  Sen.,  in  order  to  spite  the  rats,  went 
and  established  a  Sunday-school  in  his  own  house,  and  taught 
17* 


394  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

there  gratuitously,  male  and  female,  Owenism  !  And  not  satis- 
fied with  this  revenge,  he  once,  in  my  store,  tried  to  overcome 
Professor  Harwood  in  an  argument  on  the  truth  of  the  Chris- 
tian religion  ;  but  in  this  attempt  he  was  utterly  discomfited, 
and,  to  the  amusement  of  the  auditors,  seated  on  my  counters. 
Wherefore,  Mr.  Brass,  Sen.,  advanced  to  where  Mr.  Harwood 
reclined,  and,  calling  up  the  late  suspension  of  young  Brass, 

he  said  he  had  now  "a  powerful  d mind  to  thrash  him  for 

it." 

This  was  quite  a  favourite  mode  of  arguing  in  the  Purchase, 
and  required  much  bodily  strength  and  agility.  How  learned 
men,  of  slender  bodies,  pale  faces,  small  hands,  and  green  spec- 
tacles would  have  felt,  in  prospect  of  rencontre  with  such  a 
bear,  is  doubtful ;  but  our  professor,  although  dressed  in  store 
cloth,  and  rather  dandy-looking,  betrayed  no  emotion,  and  never 
altered  his  half-recumbent  attitude.  Yet  plain  was  it,  from  the 
flash  of  his  gray  eyes,  and  the  hard  compression  of  his  lips,  he 
was  ready  to  ward  off  his  antagonist — perhaps,  even  to  spring 
on  the  threatening  brute.  This  Bruin  Brass  perceived  ;  and 
when  Mr.  H.  coolly  replied  "very  well,  sir;  try  it — but  maybe 
you'll  find  your  mistake  in  that  argument,  as  quick  as  you  did 
in  the  other" — he  affected  to.  laugh  the  whole  off  as  a  joke ! 
And  happy  !  if  he  valued  sound  bones  ;  for  my  friend  Har- 
wood was  a  fine,  square  built,  muscular  young  Kentuckian,  from 
early  life  used  to  every  feat  of  strength  and  agility,  and  able 
now  to  lift  a  barrel  of  flour  in  his  unaided  arms,  and  car- 
ry it  before  him,  and  without  trip  or  pause,  full  fifty  honest 
yards ! 

Even  the  Spiritual  Church  may  put  defensive  and  carnal 
weapons  into  her  children's  hands  to  keep  at  a  distance  the 
sanctimonious  assassins  and  murderous  snivellers  of  a  canting 
and  unholy  apostacy ;  and  so  cases  do  arise,  where  scholars 
may,  and  ought  to  repel  club-logic  with  knock-down  argument. 
Yea  and  nay,  an  atheistic  bear  when  about  to  use  violence,  must 
be,  if  possible,  resisted  with  physics,  even  as  the  veritable 
shaggy-coat  himself;  metaphysics,  here,  may  come  afterwards. 

My  friend  Harwood  had  conducted  the  debate  as  a  Christian 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  395 

and  a  gentleman;  and  the  double  rebuke  given  the  atheist, 
while  it  had  no  tendency  to  change  his  heart,  quelled  his  beastly 
spirit,  and  controlled  its  ferocity ;  and  ever  after  our  Faculty 
were  free  from  all  fear  of  Mr.  Brass,  Sen.,  and  all  trouble  from 
Mr.  Brass,  Jun. 


CHAPTER   LII. 

"  You'd  scarce  expect  one  of  my  age, 
To  speak  in  public,  on  the  stage  I" 

A  GENERAL  truce  and  cessation  of  arms  had  taken  place,  and 
our  Faculty  began  to  drill  the  quiescent  pupils  for  a  grand  ex- 
hibition to  come  off  this  fall. 

This  was  to  be,  as  is  everywhere  usual,  of  speeches,  debates 
and  compositions.  Amendments  may  be  necessary ;  but  all 
experience,  and  reason  itself,  favour  generous  emulation  and 
honest  rivalry  in  schools ;  and  nothing  better  prepares  for  the 
stormy  conflicts  of  life  than  the  literary  sham  fights  of  college 
societies.  It  is  preposterous  to  train  children  for  a  world  of 
romance,  or  for  a  state  possible — IF  all  were  good.  Beside, 
manly  competition  is  intrinsically  right ;  and  is  promotive  of 
many  virtues — and  all  ought  early  to  be  inured  to  arduous  and 
noble  contests  for  masteries.  The  opposite  doctrine  is  hateful 
for  its  puling  effeminacy  ;  and  at  war  with  our  nature — as  God 
made  it — and  with  the  Scriptures.  Thus  thought  our  Faculty ; 
and  so  they  acted — although  evils  incident  to  their  course,  as  to 
all  other  excellences  in  this  life,  were  not  wanting. 

In  due  time,  then,  came  the  week  of  examinations  and  exhi- 
bition ;  and  all  was  turned  into  bustle  and  merriment,  in  fitting 
our  Court-house  for  the  great  occasion  ! 

How  joyous  such  times  to  boys — ay,  to  men  who  retain  the 
fresh  and  healthy  feelings  of  boyhood !  But  to  our  half-reclaimed 
young  savages — oh  !  it  was  a  time  of  exuberant  joy  in  all  its 
phases  of  fun,  frolic,  raillery,  joke,  and  expectation  ! 

And  soon  all  Woodville  caught  the  infection ;  and  all  were 


396  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

desirous  of  sharing  the  work  and  speculating  on  its  progress. 
As  for  Cariton,  he  could  not  "  tend  store ;"  and  so  leaving  his 
boys  to  sell  what  they  could,  and  devour  the  remnant  of  the 
raisins  and  candy,  away  went  our  dignified  author,  and  soon 
contrived  to  be  elected  by  the  boys  Grand  Master  of  Ceremonies 
in  general,  and  Stage  Fixings  in  particular !  Then  what  a  haul- 
ing of  boards,  and  planks!  What  a  streaming  over  to  the 
Court-house  of  rag-carpets,  and  calico  window'  curtains !  Oh ! 
the  clatter  of  candlesticks! — the  pitching  of  these  and  other 
articles  on  pounds  of  tallow  candles  done  up  in  brown  paper 
and  tow  strings  !  Gemini !  the  thundering  of  plank  a-throwing 
down  from  two  boys'  shoulders,  or  a-upsetting  from  a  cart! 
Cancer!  the  whacking!  the  pounding  and  nailing!  the  sawing 
and  hammering  and  jerking !  the  talking!  laughing!  screeching! 
tearing  !  stamping !  quizzing !  It  was  a  glorious  chaos ! 

Soon,  however,  from  confusion,  came  order ;  and  in  less  than 
two  whole  days,  all  was  ready!  a  short  time  considering;  for 
though  we  were  thirty  persons,  only  half  worked,  the  rest  being 
occupied  in  making  the  fun  and  hindering. 

The  work  was,  first,  the  stage.  This  was  erected  between 
the  doors  of  entrance  into  the  court-room  and  opposite  the 
forum  or  judges'  seat — that  honourable  place  being  transformed 
into  an  orchestra,  our  music  being  to  be  three  fiddles  and  one 
triangle.  The  stage-floor  was  spread  with  rag-carpets,  and  the 
boxing  of  the  stairs  ascending  each  from  a  door  to  the  second 
story  was  adorned  with  calico  curtains  tastefully  festooned — the 
special  performance  of  some  young  ladies  just  returned  from 
being  finished  in  a  boarding  school  of  the  far  East !  Front  of 
the  stage,  in  a  row,  were  candles  in  appropriate  stands ;  the 
tallest  candles  at  the  ends,  and  the  shortest  in  the  centre,  thus 
presenting  a  graceful  curve  of  light !  And  all  the  stands  were 
decorated  with  fancy  papers,  curled  and  cut  and  frissled  most 
fantastically; — the  work  of  Miss  Emily  Glenville's  boarding- 
school  misses ! 

Under  the  calico  festooning  stood  Windsor  chairs  for  the 
Faculty  and  the  two  rival  Societies !  And  near  Professor  Har- 
wood's  seat,  was  a  cow-bell  of  a  very  soft  and  mournful  voice, 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  397 

whose  use  was  to  ring  out  signals  for  the  fiddles  and  the  triangle 
— not  a  classic  signal  truly,  yet  one  to  which  our  musicians 
were  accustomed,  and  not  wholly  at  variance  with  the  harmo- 
nies produced.  Indeed,  even  to  our  own  cultivated  ears  never 
came  sounds  so  delicious  as  those  of  a  cow-bell,  which  once 
ravished  us  with  its  sudden  tinkle  when  lost  in  the  woods ! 
Hence  as  associations  like  utilities  render  things  pleasant,  our 
cow-bell  signal  was  not  unacceptable  to  our  woodsmen.  It  was, 
also,  a  peculiar  link  connecting  rough  and  softened  life ;  and  it 
forcibly  reminded  us  of  the  milk  of  human  kindness ! 

Our  seats.  These  were  of  doubled  planks,  resting  on  joists, 
logs,  benches,  or  other  planks  placed  edgeways.  Of  these,  not 
one  cracked,  split,  or  tumbled  over  during  the  exhibition  :  hence, 
considering  their  loads  and  the  stamping  they  endured  in  the 
applauses — and  every  thing  was  applauded — we  have  proof  that 
our  work  was  well  done,  if  not  expeditiously. 

On  the  evening  preceding  the  exhibition,  the  Rev.  Principal 
Clarence  entered  my  store  to  obtain  a  pair  of  pumps,  wishing  to 
tread  the  stage  in  elastic  style ;  and  nothing  so  conduces  to  this 
ease  and  grace  as  a  handsome  stocking  and  a  becoming  shoe. 
Yet  in  vain  was  every  drawer,  trunk,  or  box  containing  either 
shoe  or  shoe-leather  rummaged  and  re-rummaged,  no  pump 
turned  up  :  and  the  gentleman  was  about  to  withdraw  and  make 
up  his  mind  to  walk  the  boards  in  a  shapeless  two-soled  pair  of 
calf-skin  boots.  But  just  then  I  had  mechanically  opened  a 
drawer  of  female  shoes  ;  when  some  very  large  and  coarse 
moroccos  appeared,  with  straps  to  be  joined  by  a  steel  buckle, 
and  Clarence  exclaimed  : — 

"  Stop  !  Carlton,  the  very  thing  !" 

«  Where  ?" 

"  Why,  those  machines  of  the  softer  sex." 

"  Ha  !  ha  !  he  ! — what !  wear  a  woman's  shoe  *?" 

"  Certainly — If  I  can  find  any  small  enough — " 

"Buckle  and  all?" 

"  Oh  !  no  :  my  wife  will  razee  the  straps,  and  then  the  affairs 
will  look  masculine  enough ;  and  we  can  tie  them  with  ribbon, 
pump-fashion." 


398  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

"  That  will  answer,  I  do  believe  :  sit  down  and  try." 

A  pair  was  selected,  yet  perversely  bent  on  spreading  side- 
ways, when  pressed  with  the  foot ;  but  that  tendency,  it  was 
hoped,  would  be  corrected  by  the  new  mode  of  tieing :  and 
hence  the  man  of  learning  departed  with  his  bargain.  That 
night  the  shoes  were  cropped  ;  and  the  Principal,  by  way  of 
rehearsal,  was  walking  in  them  in  his  parlour,  when  in  came 
several  senior  pupils  to  make  some  inquiry  about  the  exhibi- 
tion. In  a  moment  the  transmuted  articles  caught  their  eyes, 
and  so  captivated  their  fancy  that  they  must  ask  whence  were 
procured  shoes  so  light  and  tasteful  ?  On  learning,  and  being 
taught  how  the  sex  could  be  so  readily  changed,  off  set  they  for 
my  store :  and  the  consequence  was,  that  soon  all  the  students 
came  for  morocco  non-descripts,  and  we  sold  during  the  next 
day  about  thirty  pairs !  Hence  I  became  a  more  decided  friend 
of  the  college  than  ever.  Yes,  academies  are  useful !  I  cleared 
by  this  one  speculation  just  thirty  dollars !  True,  I  lost  about  five 
dollars  by  not  charging  the  usual  New  Purchase  per  oentage  : 
but  then  we  must  sacrifice  something  for  the  advancement  of 
learning,  and  virtue  is  not  always  profitable! 

The  grand  evening  came  at  last:  and  long  ere  candle  light, 
our  young  gentlemen — gentlemen,  surely,  when  about  to  speak 
in  ladies'  shoes — could  be  seen  running  into  and  out  of  and 
around  the  court-house,  busy  as  bees,  and  with  sundry  bundles 
and  packages.  For,  rain  being  threatened,  it  had  been  concluded 
to  dress  and  put  on  the  fine  shoes  up  stairs,  one  society  occupy- 
ing the  jury  room,  the  other  the  council  chamber. 

Finally,  the  signal  for  assembling  was  given  by  the  school 
bell,  half  a  mile  distant,  and  by  a  tin  horn  in  the  centre  of 
Woodville,  being  the  sacred  trumpet  lately  blown  to  convoke 
us  to  the  exhibitions  at  the  camp-meeting :  and  then  in  rushed 
all  Woodville  to  fill  the  vacant  seats.  But  strange !  the  vacant 
seats  had  been  filled  an  hour  before ;  enough  girls  and  young 
ladies  having  been  smuggled  in  by  the  gallant  students  and  a 
few  Woodville  bucks.  And  among  the  number  there  sat  the 
ladies  of  the  Professors'  families — and  all  the  girls  of  Miss 
Glenville's  establishment — and  that  important  personage  her- 


THE     NEW      PURCHASE.  399 

self — and  Mrs.  Carlton — and  even  Aunt  Kitty  Littleton  herself 
done  up  in  a  bran  new  crimped  cap  and  pink  ribbon ! 

As  to  Mr.  Carlton,  in  consideration  of  his  superintendance 
and  his  musical  penchant,  he  was  honoured  with  a  Windsor  chair 
in  the  orchestra,  and  adjacent  to  the  fiddles  and  triangles !  In- 
deed, Dan  Scrape  had  invited  Mr.  C.  to  play :  although  the 
honour  had  been  declined,  first,  because  J.  Glenville,  who  had 
borrowed  our  flute  and  fiddle,  had  come  over  to  the  exhibition 
and  forgotten  to  bring  back  the  instruments  ! — (sub  rosa,  he  left 
them  behind  purposely) — secondly,  Mr.  C.  could  not  play  any 
instruments  but  his  own  ;  and  thirdly,  Mr.  C.  was  afraid,  as  he 
had  never  practised  with  Dan,  that  he  could  not  "  keep  up,"  and 
so  on.  When  we  and  the  fiddles  and  triangles  entered  a  little 
late  and  through  a  back  window,  behold  !  a  dozen  of  the 
"  rabble"  were  crowded  into  our  sacred  enclosure  ! — (Notice 
here,  in  public  places  all  that  cannot  get  into  seats  are  rabble.) 
However,  after  I  had  squeezed  into  my  Windsor  chair,  along  side 
the  leading  fiddle,  Dan  whispered  for  my  consolation,  and  with 
a  smile  and  a  wink — "  Nerver-a  mind,  Mister  Carltin,  we'll  fix 
it  afore  long." 

As  if  by  magic,  at  a  private  signal,  forth  blazed  the  candles 
in  front  of  the  stage ;  and  some  two  dozen  others  stuck  to  the 
walls  by  double  pronged  forks :  and  then  to  us  was  displayed 
the  whole  audience,  and  to  them  the  stage  and  its  fixins.  In 
some  points  this  audience  was  similar  to  others ;  but  it  con- 
tained more  gems  in  unpolished  and  dull  caskets  than  some 
eastern  congregations.  Hoosiers,  Woolverines,  Buckeyes,  and 
the  like,  were  present,  and  of  the  most  unbrushed,  unpomatumed, 
unadulterated  sorts — purer  than  are  there  now:  for,  like  the 
red  aborigines,  the  white  and  brown  sorts  are  fast  disappearing ! 
Poor  fellows !  that  very  night  they  witnessed  the  entrance  of 
what  would  become  their  ruin ! 

Unased  to  the  glory  of  polished  candlesticks,  and  cut  and 
frizzled  papers,  all  eyes  momentarily  gazed  upon  the  stage  in 
silent  wonder  !  In  the  next  instant,  and  with  one  consent,  burst 
such  a  hurrah,  as  cracked  the  ears  of  the  groundlings — yea ! 
shook  the  glass  in  the  windows !  It  did  seem  the  very  walls 


400  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

would  be  split!  Nor  was  it  mere  hurrah;  for  many  an  Indian 
fighter  was  present  that  night ;  and  these  sent  out  such  yells 
and  war  cries  as  made  one  instinctively  clap  his  hand  to  his 
head  to  ascertain  if  the  scalp  was  safe  ! 

Following  the  uproar  came  the  modest  buzz  of  individual 
wonderments  and  critiques,  such  as  : — "  Look  at  that  yallur 
one,  Joe  !" — "  Most  powerful  shiney  them  are  !" — "  Ain't  them 
are  red  things  rity-dity  poseysT' — "  Law  !  no,  Dick,  them's  paper 
fixins  !" — "  Well,  I  never  !" — "  I  say,  Jake,  ain't  them  danglins 
up  there  like  Carltin's  ole  woman's  curtins !" — "  Pick  my 
flint !" — "  Darn  my  leggins — it's  powerful  big  buggy !" — "  How'd 
them  lite  so  quick  1" — "  Dipt  in  tarpentine — don't  you  smell 
it  ?"  But  in  the  midst  appeared  descending,  the  rival  societies, 
each  by  separate  stairs ;  each  headed  by  a  Professor ;  and 
entering  simultaneously  each  at  opposite  parts  of  the  stage  ! 
And  when  all  were  seated,  the  Faculty  in  the  centre,  and  the 
students  right  and  left,  the  smallest  next  and  the  largest  at  the 
extremities ;  all  in  new  suits  of  store  cloth,  and  with  appro- 
priate badges  gracefully  inserted  through  button  holes,  and 
waving  triumphantly  from  their  arms  also ;  all  in  starched 
collars  and  black  neck  ribbons ;  and  all  in  female  slippers,  and 
so  altered  as  to  pass  for  males — the  yells  of  greeting  were  ab- 
solutely terrific ! 

Professor  Harwood  was  now  seen  shaking  the  cow  bell :  but 
though  its  mellow  tinkle  was  inaudible,  the  fiddles  and  triangles, 
seeing  the  pendulum  motion,  knew  what  was  needed  :  and  hence 
they  essayed  to  strike  up  Hail  Columbia  !  Still  nothing  of  a 
tune  could  be  heard  ;  although  from  the  bewildering  activity  of 
bows  and  elbows,  it  was  manifest  something  nice  was  doing ;  till 
by  dint  of  sight  in  some,  and  bawlings  out  of  "Silence!"  by 
others,  the  audience  in  the  pit  became  quiescent.  In  the  interim, 
we  of  the  orchestra  began  to  have  more  room  :  for  most  of  the 
rabble  near  the  fiddlers,  especially  near  Dan,  the  Primo,  had 
got  hints  to  make  room,  in  the  form  of  hits,  some  in  the 
stomach,  some  in  the  face  and  eyes,  and  some  under  the  lugs — 
all  of  course  naturally  required  by  the  laws  of  motion  and 
melody  !  Indeed,  it  was  plain  enough  that  there  was  more 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  401 

danger  in  standing  so  near  good  fiddlers  than  folks  had  ever 
imagined  !  And,  therefore,  our  uninvited  soon  compressed  into 
one  corner  ;  and  from  a  sincere  wish  not  to  incommode  the 
music !  And  thus,  by  the  kindness  of  Dan,  whose  wink  and 
smile  were  now  understood  and  his  mode  of  "  fixin  it,"  I  en- 
joyed my  Windsor  chair  in  ampler  space;  at  least  while  tunes 
were  executed. 

For  this  kindness,  and  because  our  executioners  were  so  es- 
sential to  the  exhibition,  we  shall  hand  them  down  in  history — 
they  shall  be  immortalized  ! 

Dan  Scrape,  the  fiddle  primo,  was  by  far  the  prince  of  the 
New  Purchase  catgut  and  horsehair  men.  Like  Paganini,  he 
could  play  on  one  string,  if  not  an  entire  tune,  yet  parts  of 
nearly  two  dozen  tunes — his  whole  stock  !  And  like  that 
maestro,  he  played  without  notes,  and  with  endless  variations 
and  embellishments !  Ay !  and  he  played  no  worse  on  one 
shift  or  position  than  another  !  Still,  Dan  differed  from  the 
Italian  in  some  things ;  for  instance,  he  held  his  fiddle  against 
his  breast — perhaps  out  of  affection — and  his  bow  in  the  middle, 
and  like  a  cart-whip ;  things  enabling  him,  however,  the  more 
effectually  to  flog  his  instrument  when  rebellious ;  and  the 
afflicted  creature  would  scream  right  out  in  agony  !  Indeed  his 
Scremonah  bore  marks  of  premature  old  age — its  finger-board 
being  indented  with  little  pits,  and  its  stomach,  was  frightfully 
incrusted  with  rosin  and  other  gummy  things,  till  it  looked  as 
dark  and  care-worn  as  Methusaleh !  Dan  was,  truly,  no  nig- 
gard of  "  rosum,"  for  he  "  greased,"  as  he  termed  it,  between 
his  tunes  every  time  !  and  then  at  his  first  few  vigorous  jerks, 
fell  a  showed  of  dust  on  the  agitated  bosom  of  his  instrument^ 
calling  out  in  vain  for  mercy  under  the  cruel  punishment ! 

Dan's  main  difference  from  Paganini  was  in  using  his  left 
hand  to  bow.  And  yet  this  better  enabled  him  to  make  room  ; 
for  persons  going  to  the  left  for  safety,  met  the  accidental  hits 
where  least  expected,  and  got  what  English  bullies  call  the  gruel, 
from  the  wrong  quarter! 

Let  us  not,  however,  do  Dan  injustice.  He  certainly  did,  out 
of  benevolence,  administer  some  wilful  and  hard  blows,  and  yet 


402  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

keep  an  unconscious  phiz ;  but  when  Dan  was  fairly  possessed 
with  the  spirit  of  fiddling,  he  never  even  dreamed  he  had  an 
elbow  !  Then  his  arm  was  all  elbow  !  The  way  it  jumped  up 
and  down  !  and  darted  back  and  forth ! — the  velocity  was  too 
dizzy  to  look  at !  But  then,  if  a  spectator  valued  his  eyes,  let 
him  stand  clear  of  the  bow's  end  ! — not  the  point,  that  was 
always  safe  enough  on  the  strings — but  the  heel  or  slide  end, 
which  never  visiting  the  fiddle,  was  ever  nourishing  about  almost 
invisible,  with  reckless  indifference  and  the  force  of  a  bullet ! 
In  truth,  Dan  always  fiddled  like  a  race-horse  ;  and  if  he  got  one 
bar's  start,  no  body  could  ever  have  overtaken  him  !  But  some 
favourite  tunes  he  played  like  a  tornado ;  such  as  "the  Irish 
Washerwoman," — and  above  all,  that  satanic  rondo,  "  the  D. 
among  the  T's."  And  I  know  this  is  not  exaggeration  ;  for  once 
on  my  asking  Hunting  Shirt  Andy,  who  was  a  good  judge,  what 
he  thought  of  Dan's  playing,  he  unhesitating  declared  that 
"  Dan  Scrape  played  the  fiddle  like  the  very " 

The  second  fiddle  was  a  pupil  of  Dan's.  And  the  master  had 
evidently  taken  great  pains  with  his — finger-board;  it  being 
crossed  with  white  paint  to  guide  the  pupil's  fingers,  who  still 
usually  hit  wide  of  the  mark  in  his  haste  to  overtake  his 
teacher  !  He  is  called  second  fiddle,  not  because  he  did  alto  or 
tenor,  but  because  he  was  usually  behind  the  first  fiddle  in  time ; 
nay,  he  was  sometimes  so  utterly  lost,  that  Dan  would  tell  him 
to  stop,  and  "  start  in  when  the  tune  kim  round  agin  !" 

Some  may  think  these  defects  made  discords ;  but  then  this 
was  compensated  by  the  two  fiddles  never  being  tuned  alike, 
accuracy  of  stop  being  thus  rendered  less  important ;  and  above 
all,  because  the  exquisite  triangle  completely  obliterated,  filled 
up,  and  jingled  into  one  all  mistakes,  vacancies,  and  discords  ! 

I  shall  only  further  remark,  that  the  professor  of  the  triangle 
was  actually  self-taught!  and  yet  he  could  outjingle  any  thing 
of  the  sort  I  ever  heard,  even  if  aided  by  the  cymbals  and  mu- 
sical bells ! 

"  But  what  of  the  third  fiddle  ?" 

Let  Dan  answer,  who,  after  the  execution  of  Hail  Columbia, 
thus  whispered  me : — "  Tim  Scratch  know'd  better  nor  to  come  ! 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  403 

he's  not  sick  no  how — it's  all  possum !  He's  no  fiddler  !  I  kin 
out  fiddle  him  if  he  lives  for  ever  and  a  day  longer — and  plays 
on  Sundays !" 

And  so  it  was :  and  neither  Mr.  Carl  ton  nor  any  other  man 
who  values  reputation  ought  to  play  with  Dan  Scrape. 

The  Reverend  Principal  Clarence  now  arose,  and  in  pumps 
and  silk  stockings  advanced  and  made  something  like  the  follow- 
ing address  : — 

*'  Ladies  and  gentlemen" — (a  kind  of  don't-gentleman-me- 
look  of  certain  hearers,  made  him  add) — "  and  my  respected 
fellow-citizens,  we  rejoice  to  meet  so  large  an  assembly  and  so 
full  of  good  spirits,  come  to  attend  our  first  exhibition.  It  is 
natural  you  should  be  here :  it  is  your  own  school,  and  these 
are  your  own  sons  and  relatives  who  are  now  to  show  before 
you  their  improvement  to-night.  We  are  here,  fellow-citizens, 
to  witness  what  Western  boys  can  do ;  and  let  me  say,  that 
while  far  from  perfection,  our  boys,  if  not  embarrassed,  will  not 
disgrace  our  wooden  country.  We  say  embarrassed ;  for  any 
confusion  or  noise  accidentally  made  by  our  respected  fellow- 
citizens  present,  in  time  of  a  speech  or  other  exercise,  will 
hinder  our  unpractised  speakers  from  doing  themselves  justice. 
We  depend,  of  course,  on  the  honour  of  our  hearers,  not  giving 
any  order  on  the  subject,  or  making  even  a  request,  as  is  often 
necessary  in  the  East ;  because  here,  in  the  free  West,  where 
all  do  as  they  please,  Backwoodsmen  naturally  behave  accord- 
ing to  the  maxims  of  good  sense." ("  Bust  my  rifle  !  if  that 

ain't  the  truth,"  interrupted  Ned, — "  we'll  show  'em  how  to  be- 
have, Mr.  Fakilty  !") — "Just  as  I  said,  stranger," — resumed 
Clarence — "  and,  therefore,  we  shall  say  no  more,  but  will  in- 
stantly proceed  with  the  exercises." 

This  was  ferociously  clapped  and  stamped ;  and  then  the  ex- 
ercises proceeded,  the  cow-bell  being  duly  rung,  first  for  the 
music  to  begin  and  then  for  it  to  cease.  In  the  latter  case  the 
bell  owed  its  efficiency  to  Mr.  Carlton,  as  Dan  was  always  more 
ready  to  begin  than  to  finish  a  tune.  And  hence,  and  as  the  or- 
chestra was  louder  than  the  bell,  we  went  by  sight ;  but  Dan 
never  could  see  the  wag  of  the  bell,  till  Mr.  C.  gave  him  a 


404  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

hunch  on  the  off-side  ;  and  then  his  Scremonah  hushed  up,  like 
a  cholicy  child  that  had  screeched  itself  to  sleep  !  Had  Mr. 
Carlton  been  on  the  bow-side,  he  must  have  poked  Dan  with  a 
stick,  or  met  something  tragical ;  but  like  the  fox  in  ^Esop,  he 
had  learned  from  the  hits  of  others. 

It  is  unnecessary  to  detail  the  events  of  that  memorable  night. 
All  the  students  were  applauded ;  and  not  a  few  with  the  ad- 
mixture of  Indian  yells,  so  like  the  savage-savage,  that  the  ani- 
mals could,  like  the  ass-lion,  be  detected  only  by  the  skin ! 
Certain  speeches,  too.  political  in  their  nature,  and  admirably 
delivered,  caused  the  audience  to  lose  sight  of  the  exhibition, 
and  hurrah  for  Jackson  or  Clay  as  on  the  election  ground.  And 
these  speakers,  with  one  exception,  became  politicians,  and  are 
even  yet,  most  of  them,  figuring  before  the  world.  The  people 
generally  behaved  as  Ned  Stanley — our  friend  Rifle-Bust — pro- 
mised, and  as  Western  folks  always  do  behave,  if  one  shows  a 
disposition  to  conciliate  and  will  employ  a  little  innocent  flattery ; 
not  that  they  are  deceived  by  such,  but  that  they  take  it  as  a  sign 
of  your  desiring  to  please  and  put  them  on  honour. 

Let,  however,  a  self-complacent  gentleman,  full  of  city  import- 
ance and  strut,  essay,  in  a  dictatorial  way,  to  manage  a  free  and 
wild  assembly  in  the  world  of  woods  and  prairies — and  if  he  is 
not  shut  up  in  a  manner  that  shall  clean  wipe  the  conceit  out  of 
him,  then  is  my  opinion  a  mistake.  He  may  order  a  hackman, 
or  a  porter,  or  a  quill-driver,  or  a  sawyer — but  if  he  dare  order 
freemen  of  the  forests  and  the  meadows,  they  will  ride  him  on 
a  rail ;  and,  in  spite  of  his  stocks,  brick  houses,  fine  equipage, 
whiskers  and  curled  hair ! 

The  speeches,  excepting  a  few  humourous  ones,  were  all  origi- 
nal ;  and  equal  to  the  best  in  our  schools  and  colleges  concocted 
from  the  living  and  the  dead.  Generally  the  young  men  of  a 
New  Purchase  are  superior  to  the  young  gentlemen  of  old  set- 
tlements, in  both  scholarship  and  elocution ;  and  for  the  follow- 
ing reasons  : 

1.  The  young  men  come  to  learning  as  a  novelty.  It  is  op. 
posite  to  the  monotony  of  woods,  cabins,  pork,  corn,  and  axes. 
Hence  nothing  exceeds  their  interest  and  curiosity ;  and  it  is 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  405 

long,  under  a  judicious  teacher,  before  the  novelty  ceases  ;  and 
afterwards  the  habit  of  hard  studying  supplies  the  place. 

2.  The  young  men  regard  learning  as  the  lever  to  elevate 
them — or  by  which  the  New  World  may  cope  more  fairly  with 
the  Old.     Hence,  day  and  night,  they  work  vi  et  armis  at  the 
machine ;  until  they  even  get  higher  than  the  young  gentlemen 
who  work  lazily  and  feebly. 

3.  The  young  men  have  more  energy  than  the  young  gentle- 
men ;  and  this  directed  by  enthusiastic  masters  in  learning  pro- 
duces great  results. 

4.  New  Purchases  have  few  temptations  to  idleness  and  dis- 
sipation.    Indeed,  as  war  among  the  Spartans,  so  Colleges  out 
there  are  to  the  young  men  recreations,  and  more  delightful  than 
anything  else. 

5.  Ten  dollars  a  year — the  tuition  fee — was  too  hard  for  our 
young  men  to  obtain,  lightly  to  be  squandered.     And  ten  dol- 
lars with  us  would  buy  ten  acres  nearly  ;  hence  they  who  value 
land  as  a  great  earthly  good,  spend  not  a  small  farm  once  a  year 
for  the  privilege  of  being  idle.     Young  gentlemen  often  waste 
two  such  a  year  on  sugar  candy ! 

6.  Young  men  are  inquisitive  like  yankees ;  and  hence,  they 
ask  endless  questions  not  contained  in  Parley-books.     And  by 
this  method  of  torturing  professors,  more  is  often  extracted  than 
by  torturing  nature. 

7.  Young  men  out  there  are  in  more  immediate  contact  with 
professors  ;  hence,  if  the  professors  be  themselves  men,  the  ad- 
vantages of  the  old  Roman  way  of  education  may  be  combined 
with  the  modern  ways. 

We  have  seven  more  reasons,  which,  however,  we  shall  not 
inflict;  but  to  fortify  the  seven  and  to  conclude  the  exhibition, 
we  shall  present  minute  accounts  of  two  young  men,  who  were 
among  our  stars.  And  as  these  stars  shall  shine,  the  one  fixed, 
the  other  wandering,  in  the  political  firmament,  we  may  only 
designate  them  as  the  George  and  the  Henry. 

George  possessed  not  uncommon  talents ;  unless  perseverance 
be  a  talent,  and  that  he  did  possess  in  so  great  a  degree  as  to 
make  it  a*  substitute  for  genius.  He  is  our  fixed  star.  Many 


406  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

knew  of  his  untiring  patience  and  plodding  diligence,  and  were 
impressed  with  a  belief  he  would,  after  all,  make  something ; 
but  none  expected  him  to  shine  forth  to-night  a  star  of  the  first 
magnitude.  Not  only  was  he  great  compared  with  himself,  but 
with  all  others  ;  and  his  composition  on  the  life,  character,  and 
writings  of  Cicero  was  admirably  written  and  most  happily 
spoken.  I  was  myself  amazed,  fired,  captivated,  and  even  in- 
structed ;  and,  after  the  exercises  ended,  I  sought  him,  for  he 
was  one  of  my  favourites,  and  said: 

"  Why,  George  !  you  did  nobly !  surely  that  composition  cost 
you  no  small  labour  ?" 

"  Thank  you,  Mr.  Carlton.  As  to  the  piece — (I  have  no  de- 
sire to  pass  for  a  genius) — it  did  cost  me  thought  and  labour — 
I  carefully  studied  and  re-wrote  it  thirty-six  times" 

Well !  that  was  one  young  Man.  The  other,  Henry,  al- 
though never  among  my  favourites,  will  even  more  forcibly 
sustain  our  reasons.  In  a  pecuniary  sense,  he  was  a  poor  boy 
even  for  the  Purchase ;  and  lived,  in  homely  phrase,  from  hand 
to  mouth.  Indeed,  the  loss  of  a  day's  job,  made  his  mouth  that 
day  debtor  for  its  food ;  and  hand,  on  the  next  occasion,  did 
double  duty.  He  was,  however,  rich  in  expedient,  and  hesi- 
tated at  no  job,  odd  or  even ;  although,  it  is  to  be  regretted,  he 
did  not  sometimes  refuse  employments  not  strictly  honourable. 
And  yet  even  that  may  be  palliated. 

No  sooner,  however,  had  the  Seminary  been  organized,  than 
Henry  determined  to  obtain  a  good  education.  He  had  credit 
enough  to  procure  some  decent  clothes  and  necessary  books ; 
but  as  five  dollars,  cash,  and  in  advance,  were  to  be  paid  to  our 
treasurer,  Henry  was  forced  to  look  for  a  few  lucrative  jobs ; 
and  hence,  he  one  morning  presented  himself  at  my  store  and 
commenced : 

"  Well,  Mr.  Carlton,  I've  got  books  and  clothes ;  but  I've  no 
silver  to  pay  the  session-bill — kin  you  give  a  feller  no  job  what 
will  bring  silver  ?" 

"  Really,  Henry,  I  don't  know  that  I  can — but  stay !  we've 
lost  our  cow — will  you  take  half  a  dollar  a  day  in  cash  to  look 
her  up1?" 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  407 

"Ay  !  will  I — when  did  she  put  out  1 — what  kind  of  a  crittur 
is  she?— which  way,  think  she  went?"  etc.,  etc. 

Satisfied  as  far  as  possible  in  his  inquiries,  away  went  the  lad 
to  the  woods.  At  the  end  of  two  days  he  came  back,  cowless, 
indeed,  but  after  a  painful  search  through  thickets,  along  creeks, 
and  over  hills ;  and  during  which,  he  had  camped  out  alone  in 
the  night.  Our  hero  had  thus  one  dollar  of  the  tuition  fee. 

About  this  time  we  had  ceased  from  digging  a  well,  after 
finding  no  water  at  twenty-five  feet ;  although  we  had  employed 
a  great  hazel-wizzard  ;  and  his  rod  had  repeatedly  turned  down 
over  the  spot,  and  that  so  hard  as  to  twist  off  a  little  of  the 
.bark.  Even  the  diviner  was  quite  at  a  loss  to  account  for  the 
failure ;  insisting  yet  the  water  must  be  lower,  as  "  his  rod 
never  twisted  so  powerful  arnest  if  they  wan't  water  some- 
where!" 

Now  Henry  was  of  the  same  opinion  ;  and,  therefore,  bring- 
ing Mr.  Hum,  the  wizzard  (or  witch,  there  so  called)  to  me,  the 
two  prevailed  on  me  to  go  only  four  feet  lower — Henry  under- 
taking  the  job  at  fifty  cents  per  foot !  I  had  supposed  the  boy 
would  have  a  comrade  to  work  his  windlass ;  but  no,  down 
went  Henry  alone  with  the  necessary  implements ;  and  after 
digging,  and  breaking,  and  prying,  and  shovelling,  up  the  lad- 
der he  came,  let  down  his  empty  bucket,  descended,  filled  the 
bucket,  reascended,  wound  up  his  load,  and  so  on,  till  he  had 
cleared  out  "  his  diggins  !"  And  away  he  went  again  to  work 
with  hammer  and  sledge,  bar,  spade,  shovel,  and  bucket ;  till 
within  a  week,  our  well  was  four  feet  deeper  and  Henry  two 
dollars  richer !  But  although  water  was  "  somewhere,"  it  had 
not  risen  in  our  part  of  the  world — the  bottom  of  the  pit  was 
still  as  dry  and  comfortable  as  an  oven  ! 

Our  hero  in  similar  ways  procured  the  other  two  cash  dol- 
lars; and  by  the  aid  of  some  student  mastering  in  private  seve- 
ral elementary  studies,  he  was,  at  the  opening  of  the  next  session, 
matriculated  as  something  more  than  a  Freshman.  And  now, 
while  attending  his  regular  studies,  he  still  by  jobbing  main- 
tained  his  mouth  and  laid  by  a  few  dollars  for  books  and  future 
tuition  fees.  He  contrived  even  to  be  appointed  sub- deputy 


408  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

librarian  of  the  Woodville  Library,  adding  thus  to  his  informa- 
tion and  funds ;  and,  as  if  all  this  were  not  enough,  he  one  day 
waited  on  Mr.  Clarence  to  ask  if  the  school-laws  would  permit 
him  to  study  law  and  remain  a  student ! 

"  Study  law  ! — Henry  !" — said  Clarence. 

"  Yes,  sir  ;  lawyer  Cravings  will  find  me  books  ;  and  thinks 
in  a  year  or  two  I  can  plead  before  magistrates.  If  it  is  not 
against  the  laws " 

"  Why,  certainly  we  have  no  law  against  that ;  such  a  case 
was  never  imagined  as  probable  or  possible.  Do,  however,  not 
neglect  your  regular  college  studies ;  and  then,  it  is  nobody's 
business  what  else  you  may  study  or  learn." 

Our  young  man,  sure  enough,  went  to  work  at  the  law, 
Hoosier-fashion  indeed,  and  still  attended  well  to  his  regular 
studies ;  and  in  two  weeks  before  the  exhibition,  he  did  actually 
defend  and  win  a  cause  before  Squire  Snab,  and  against  and 
from  the  redoubtable  lawyer  Cravings  himself — and,  with  the 
contingent  fee,  he  paid  our  treasurer  the  tuition  price  of  the 
next  term ! 

Very  good,  young  gentlemen!  laugh  at  all  this  if  you  please. 
But  had  you  heard  Henry,  ranking  now  about  Sophomore,  de- 
liver at  the  exhibition,  his  Speech  on  Man,  you  would  have 
offered,  as  is  usual  in  here,  a  price  for  it,  in  view  of  your  Senior 
Speech !  Come !  I  will  bet  you  two  dozen  racoon  skins  against 
a  pair  of  kid  gloves,  or  even  a  pot  of  cold  cream,  that  if  you 
wrote  your  own  speech,  when  you  were  graduated,  it  was  not  as 
good  as  his  ! 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  409 


CHAPTER    LIII. 

"Doublets,  I  think,  flew  up— and  h&d  their  faces 
Been  loose,  this  day  they  had  been  lost.    Such  joy 
I  never  saw  before." 

SOME  may  wish  to  know  how  our  Faculty  spent  vacations  ir. 
the  woods.  As  to  Clarence,  in  term  time,  he  preached  twice  on 
Sabbath,  and  sometimes  oftener ;  beside  lectures  in  the  week, 
and  the  like — but,  in  vacations,  he  commonly  did  more. 

Clarence,  however,  would  laugh  a  little :  but  then,  for  th  /.«.-. 
Carlton  was  usually  to  blame.  Hence,  we  do  hope  "  the  breth- 
ren," when  reading  this  work,  will  be  careful  to  condemn  the 
right  person — and  that,  not  too  severely ;  as  the  author,  a  some- 
what ubiquitous  man,  has  had  the  pleasure  of  hearing  Bishops, 
Priests,  and  Deacons,  as  well  as  the  inferior  ministers,  preach- 
ers, and  exhorters,  do  secular  laughing,  beside  "  making  merry" 
with  friends,  according  to  the  Scriptures. 

Thus  our  Faculty,  in  vacations,  did  often,  what  classical  people 
do  elsewhere — nothing  !  Sometimes,  they  did  next  to  nothing 
— smoking!  and  very  often  they  did — cutting -up  !  And  this 
last  consists  in  cracking  nuts  and  jokes — racing  one  another, 
and  slamming  doors — in  upsetting  chairs,  and  even  kicking  up 
carpets !  Great  wisdom,  however,  and  art  and  tact,  and  gen- 
tlemanly feeling,  are  requisite  for  the  cut-up ;  and  specially  in 
knowing  where  and  when  to  cease :  and,  of  all  men,  to  do  the 
thing  right,  Harwood,  Clarence,  Glenville,  and  Carlton,  were 
just  "  the  dandy  !"  If  the  affair  is  not  done  up  to  the  point — it 
is  teasing ;  if  beyond — it  is  horse-play ;  but  if  in  media  tutissimi 
— it  is  the  most  tickling  and  exhilatory ! — better  to  provoke 
laughter  than  all  the  jest-books  in  existence.  The  cut-ups  were 
usually  in  wet  weather. 

In  dry  times  our  literati  strolled  into  the  forests;  where 
18 


410  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

mineralogy,  botany,  and  natural  history,  suggested  by  dark 
masses  of  rough  rocks,  or  curious  stones  and  shells,  never  be- 
fore handled  by  moderns ;  or  by  enormous  wild  flowers,  with 
cups  large  enough  to  hold  two  thimblefulls  of  dew;  or  by  a 
startled  snake,  ringing  his  warning  under  prostrate  trunks,  on 
or  near  which  the  learned  stood  ;  or,  by  crackling  brush  and 
whirling  leaves,  where  shone  a  streak  of  bounding  wolf  or 
glancing  deer — became  recreations  detaining  our  friends  till 
dinner  was  deferred  until  tea,  and  tea  until  supper,  when  all 
were  devoured  as  one  !  Perhaps  the  mind  never  so  marched 
towards  the  west,  as  once  when  Clarence  and  Har wood,  and 
several  visiting  literati,  were  seen  by  the  author,  all  in  a  line, 
knee-deep,  and  wading  towards  the  occidental  sun,  through  the 
fresh-fallen  leaves ;  and  thus  discussing — at  one  time,  the  Greek 
Tragedians — at  another,  the  Calculus  and  the  Analytical  Geome- 
try !  It  was  the  only  time  th'e  author  ever  witnessed  the  Grand 
Abstraction  embodied  and  embattled  !  And  he  feels  elated  as 
the  White  Man  who  talked  to  the  very  Indian  whose  great  pa- 
ternal grandfather  had  actually  heard  of  the  man  whose  father 
had  seen  the  skeleton  of  a  Gopher  ! 

Often,  too,  would  we  seduce  the  Faculty  into  a  hunt,  by 
quoting  the  Greek  of  Xenophon,  where  Cyrus  the  Elder  in- 
flames his  comrades,  by  descriptions  of  wild  boars  that  rushed 
on  the  hunter's  spear,  like  warriors  in  battle,  and  of  deer  that 
leaped — oh  !  how  high !  But  this  vacation  we  proposed  a  party, 
to  visit  and  explore  a  cave  just  discovered  by  a  hunter  in  pur- 
suit of  a  fox.  that  darted  down  a  sink-hole  and  disappeared,  in 
an  opening  among  some  rocks. 

In  any  village  is  it  difficult,  but  especially  in  a  New  Pur- 
chase one,  to  keep  such  intention  secret.  Soon,  then,  was  it 
bruited  through  Woodville,  that  Carl  ton  was  making  up  a  party 
for  the  cave ;  when  further  invitation  was  useless,  our  main  art 
now  being  to  keep  out  some,  whose  "room  was  better  than 
their  company."  And  this  must  be  done  without  seeming  to 
interfere  with  people's  liberty  of  going  where  they  liked.  The 
prevention  was  partly  accomplished  by  fixing  on  no  definite 
day ;  and  by  deferring,  till  some  became  weary  of  waiting,  and 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  411 

left  town,  or  so  engaged  that  going  would  then  be  impossible. 
Some,  also,  were  specially  asked ;  but  not  before  it  had  been 
ascertained  that  small  chance  existed  of  their  obtaining  horses. 
This  was  the  case  with  the  Doolittles ;  who,  as  we  rode  by  the 
morning  of  the  expedition,  answered  somebody's  expression  of 
regret  that  we  should  be  deprived  of  the  pleasure  of  their  com- 
pany, with — "  Well !  thank  you  all  the  same  for  the  invite — 
next  time  we'll  look  up  nags  and  critters  a  smart  chance 
quicker !"  This  somebody  was  young  Capers  Smilcal ;  who 
was  aware,  I  fear,  how  the  matter  was.  He  would  do  well  in 
here  among  his  relations,  the  Smootheys  and  Glibs. 

Unexpectedly,  one  fine  morning,  the  rising  sun  shedding  hori- 
zontals of  light  and  shade  over  our  village,  were  revealed  one 
dozen  horses  at  Carlton's  rack,  arid  about  an  equal  number  in 
other  places,  accoutred  and  accoutring — (passively)  ; — and, 
therefore,  shortly  after  "  sun  up"  where  we  could  see  him,  a  re- 
port was  spread,  that  Carlton's  party  was  going  to  the  cave  to- 
day. But  rumour  was  not  long  requisite  to  advertise ;  since 
every  man,  woman,  boy,  girl,  and  child  of  the  party  became, 
abo'it  eight  o'clock,  A.M.,  a  notifier,  while  our  cavalcade  dashed 
through  the  village — talking,  cantering,  whipping,  joking,  spur- 
ring, laughing ! — while  some  screamed,  "  come  on,  thare,  be- 
hind !"  and  some,  "  not  so  blame  fast,  thar',  in  front !"  and 
others  in  piteous  accents,  "La!  if  I  aint  dropt  my  ridicul' !" — 
"  Awh !  stop !  won't  you  ?" — "  This  ole  guth's  a-bustin' !"  Oh ! 
it  was  a  glorious  hubbub  ! 

Alas!  how  dignity  forgot  decorum  that  de-licious  morning! 
Even  our  literati,  the  teachers  of  proprieties,  and  all  that,  even 
they  lost  sight  of  Lord  Chesterfield !  Why,  reader !  they 
laughed  outright  like  the  vulgar  I  They  rode  with  one  foot  only 
in  a  stirrup,  and  let  the  other  dangle  !  They  jumped  down  to 
pick  up  Polly  Logrul's  "  bag  as  had  her  handkichif  in  !"  And 
more — they  pelted  the  girls  at  a  distance  with  acorns,  beech- 
nuts, and  horse-chestnuts  !  switched  Hoosier  dandies'  horses,  to 
make  them  kick  up  !  rear  !  run !  and  what  not !  And  if  the 
grave  folks  behaved  so — what  did  the  others  ? 

Ah !  dear  Precise  !  does  happiness  consist  in  skin-tight  gar- 


412  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

ments  ?  in  a  hat  or  bonnet  stuck  to  the  pate  in  a  style  ?  in  tying 
one's  limbs  to  the  dull  earth  by  straps  under  boots  ?  in  moving 
with  a  graceful  and  pointed  toe,  and  fingers  curved  and  adjusted, 
and  neck  arched  in  magazine  fashion  ?  and  in  riding-horses  with 
trained  gait — in  smirking,  and  simpering,  and  lisping,  by  rule "? 
If  so,  go  not  to  a  New  Purchase !  Above  all,  go  not  with  the 
natives  to  explore  a  cave  !  Depend  on  it — you  will  break  your 
straps !  your  corset-string,  male  or  female !  and  derange  your 
curls  !  Solemnly — it  will  spoil  your  looks  ! — those,  at  least, 
your  milliner,  and  tailor,  and  perfumer  gave  you!  But  if  no 
regard  for  your  makers'  reputations  deter  you — I  tell  you  it  will 
break  your — necks  ! 

One  may  ride  a  trained  horse,  handsomely  caparisoned,  on 
macadamised  ways,  and  sit  perpendicular  and  graceful,  while 
the  beast  does  his  theatrical  starts  and  plunges  at  certain  secret 
pulls,  touches,  and  words :  but  put  the  same  rider  on  the  mis- 
chievous, unbroken,  wild  "  crittur"  of  the  woods,  moving  in  a 
compound  of  all  gaits,  and  starting,  plunging,  kicking,  and  biting 
extemporaneously  ;  and  on  a  saddle  that  does  not  fit,  and  with 
a  girth  that  will  break  ;  and  this  in  a  gully-road,  a  snaggy 
ravine,  an  impeded  trace,  or  a  tangled  and  pathless  woods  ;— 
and  then,  if  the  rider  forget  not  dignity,  and  grace,  and  rules, 
adieu  to  his  seat !  and  maybe  adieu  to  whatever  brains  nature,  or, 
more  likely,  Phrenology,  may  have  given  him  !  Situations  occur 
in  both  the  moral  and  the  natural  worlds,  where  a  man  becomes 
a  law  unto  himself — and  such  are  often  in  the  west.  But 

Our  party  was  to  consist  of  one  dozen  adults  ; — (children  are 
never  counted  out  there,  but  go,  not  as  shadows — they  are  mere 
accretions) — yet  spite  of  the  effort  to  be  exclusive,  our  select 
company  swelled  to  nearly  thirty  !  And  this  before  we  set 
out !  and  then  so  great  was  the  excitement  produced,  that  some 
who  had  abandoned  the  intention  of  going,  suddenly  resumed 
it ;  so,  that  just  after  our  entering  the  woods,  a  clatter  of  hoofs, 
and  uproar  of  voices  and  leaves  were  close  in  the  rear !  and  there 
was  a  handsome  addition  to  the  cave  party  of  some  dozen  more  ! 
Among  others,  was  a  hunting  crony  of  mine,  Domore :  and  be- 
hind, on  his  horse,  he  carried  two  of  the  Doolittles !  Other 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  413 

horses  had  duplex  riders  too;  and  when  such  all  got  into  Indian 
file,  nothing  could  be  seen  except  legs  on  the  ground  kicking 
dry  leaves,  and  legs  in  the  air  kicking  horse-sides — that  being 
answered  instantly  by  a  very  venomous  switching  of  horse-tails, 
and  an  occasional  and  extra  performance  of  horse-heels. 

Perhaps  the  increased  company  was  also  owing  to  this : 
several  affianced  lovers  were  of  the  party;  and  rumour,  \yith 
more  of  romance  than  reality,  had  said,  that  more  than  two 
couples  were  to  be  married  in  the  cave  under  ground  !  Oh ! 
what  a  temptation — a  Hoosier  wedding  in  a  new  found  cave  ! 
But  the  sternness  of  truth  forbids ;  yet  the  Talemaquers  must 
not  steal  this  idea :  when  I  write  fiction  I  shall  make  a  story 
out  of  it  myself. 

Seven  miles  from  Woodville  we  reached  the  cabin  of  the 
hunter,  who  had  discovered  the  cave.  Here  we  got  ample 
directions ;  not,  indeed,  from  the  male  hunter — -he  was  ab- 
sent— but  from  Mrs.  Hunter.  These  are  here  condensed  for 
the  guidance  of  the  reader,  in  case  he  may  want  to  visit  the 
cave  for  curiosity  or  consumption. 


Dimtiims  nf  Itmte's  -Oife. 

"  Well,  stranjurs,  I  warn't  never  at  that  are  cave ;  but  I 
often  heern  him  tell  on  it ;  and  I  allows  I  kin  a  sort  a  pint  out 
the  course  ne'er  on  about  as  well  as  Bill  himself  kin.  Now, 
look  here — you  must  put  off  ahind  the  cabin  down  the  branch 
till  you  amost  about  come  to  ole  Fire-Skin's  trace — (an  Indian 
once  trading  there) — and  thare  a  kind  a  take  off  a  sort  a  so 
like — (pointing  S.  S.  West) — and  that'll  bring  you  to  Hickory 
Ridge ;  whare  you  must  keep  down  like,  but  a  sort  a  little 
barin  up,  till  you  strike  B'ar  Waller — (a  creek) — and  thare 
keep  rite  even  on  strate  ahead  till  you  gits  to  Rock  Ford — and 
some  wher  strate  ayond  is  near  about  whare  Bill  fust  seed  the 
wolf  or  fox,  I  disremember  which  on  'em  'twas — but  no  odds 
no  how — only  fuller  on  thare,  a  turning  though  left;  and  a 
leetle  ayond  is  the  sink  holes  : — and  'twas  one  on  'em  the  var- 


414  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

mint  tuk  into- — I  dont't  know  the  hole,  but  it  is  a  powerful  big 
one,  and  about  as  round  as  a  sugar  kittle." 

In  the  party  were  folks  that  had  killed  turkeys  on  Hickory ; 
fought  bruins  on  Bear  Wallow;  hunted  deer  around  Rock 
Ford  ;  yet  had  we  not  fortunately  encountered  Bill  himself, 
near  Fire-Skin's  trace,  and  received  directions  a  little  different, 
we  should,  indeed  have  found  the  sink  holes — but  not  the  cave. 
That  was  in  a  sink  by  itself,  half  a  mile  from  the  others,  in  size 
less  than  the  least,  and  without  any  shape  whatever — a  place 
none  save  a  fox  or  a  hunter  could  ever  have  found ! 

But  that  place,  by  Bill's  directions,  was  reached.  And  now 
the  nature  of  the  next  operation  being  better  understood,  our 
exploring  party  became  small  if  not  select.  Some  ten  feet 
down,  after  scratching  through  briars  and  bushes,  we  espied  a 
rat  hole,  or  to  make  the  most  of  it,  an  opening  thirty  inches 
long  by  eighteen  wide  ;  excepting  where  sharp  points  of  rock 
projected  and  made  the  aperture  an  inch  or  two  less.  And  this 
hole  was  the  veritable  door  of  the  cavern  !  This  was  manifest 
from  the  worn  trace  of  some  kind  of  beasts  ;  but  mainly  from 
Domore's  report,  who  crawled  in  backward,  and  in  five  minutes 
crawled  out  head  foremost,  saying — "  He  backed  in  a  rite  smart 
chance,  yet  arter  a  while  he  fmded  he  could  a  kinder  sorter 
stand  up — and  then  he  kim  out  to  sartify  the  kumpine." 

Immediately  commenced  a  metaphorical  backing  out :  most 
of  the  ladies  declared  at  once  they  never  would  crawl  into  such 
a  place  !  Some  also  refused  out  of  cowardice;  and  some  were 
bound  to  refuse  by  tight  corslets  and  other  bandages.  Yet  some 
half  dozen,  and  among  them  Mrs.  Clarence  and  Mrs.  Carlton, 
— who  usually  kept  together — defying  natural  and  conventional 
objections,  said  they  would  follow  the  preacher,  as  he  could 
exorcise  foul  spirits ;  and  as  to  other  inhabitants,  they  would 
leave  them  to  Domore  and  the  other  brave  hunters  with  us. 
Some  gentlemen  that  wished  to  go  in,  had  to  remain  with  the 
recusant  ladies  :  and  some  hardy  bucks,  with  rifles,  preferred 
hunting  an  hour  or  two  "to  crawlin  on  all  fours  under  the  airth 
like  brute  critturs !"  But  this  was  "  possum" — these  latter 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  415 

feared  to  be  cut  out,  and  intended  to  stay  above  ground  and 
improve  the  time  in  sparking. 

One  affianced  pair  were  so  determined  on  the  descent,  and  so 
resisted  all  dehortations,  that  some  of  the  hide-bound  were 
tempted  to  go  along  with  us,  under  a  suspicion  that  the  lovers, 
if  they  went  into  the  cave  two,  would  return  one  :  curiosity 
being  nearly  as  strong  as  corsets ! — but  not  quite. 

To  all,  however,  it* was  strange  poor  Polly  Logrul  obstinately 
refused  to  go  down  ;  although  her  sweetheart  was  making  ready 
to  do  so,  and  her  rival,  Peggy  Ketchtm,  was  to  be  of  the  crawl- 
ing party  !  And  when  all  knew  Polly  was  neither  nice  nor 
timid ;  and  would  not  hesitate  to  seize  a  wolf  natural  by  the 
ears  !  But,  reader,  1  was  in  the  secret : — Polly  was  too  large 
for  the  aperture !  Hog  and  hominy  had  enlarged  her  physics 
till  poor  Polly,  who  had  hitherto  triumphed  in  her  size,  now 
wished  herself  a  more  ethereal  sprite :  for  I  accidentally  saw 
her,  when  she  supposed  all  at  a  distance,  standing  near  the  cave 
door,  and  convincing  herself  by  a  total  blocking  of  the  aperture 
by  a  part  only  of  her  form,  that  Peggy  Ketchim  would  have 
Jesse — ah !  in  what  unseen  part  of  the  underworld,  that  day, 
all  to  herself! 

At  length  all  was  ready.  Then  we  formed  in  Indian  file, 
faces  outward  and  backs  towards  the  entrance,  and  began  slowly 
to  retrograde  from  the  sun-light.  Domore  led  the  rear  ;  then 
came  the  braves ;  then  backed  in  Professor  Harwood,  then  Mr. 
Carlton,  his  wife  following  before  him,  and  then  Principal  Clar- 
ence, with  wife  ditto  :  and  then — 

"  What  then  1  How  did  the  young  ladies  and  gentlemen 
come  down  ?" 

I  could  not  see  beyond  Mr.  Clarence.  It  was  arranged,  how- 
ever, that  the  ladies  should  come  in  a  line  in  front  of  Mrs. 
Clarence,  and  the  young  gentlemen  bring  up  the  van — like 
going  up  and  down  stairs  in  monuments  and  steeples  to  the 
east.  Doubtless  all  backed  in  judiciously,  as  we  heard  no  com- 
plaints: although  there  was  incessant  laughter,  screeching, 
squealing,  and  the  like ;  and  an  occasional  exclamation,  as — 
"  You,  Joe  !"— "  Awh  !  now  Sam,  let  me  be  /"— "  Go  away— I 


416  THE      2JEW      PURCHASE. 

don't  want  none  o'  your  help !"— "  Take  that  now !" — which  last 
was  followed  by  a  hard  slap  on  somebody's  face,  and  instantly 
answered  by — "  Peg  !  if  you  ain't  a  bustur !" 

The  entrance  was  the  grand  difficulty  ;  for  on  squeezing  down 
a  few  yards,  the  rocks  went  down  like  irregular  steps,  and  our 
heads  began  gradually  to  rise,  till  by  our  torches  were  seen  the 
rocks  above  ascending  in  a  similar  way  :  and  in  about  fifty  feet 
from  the  aperture  we  could  stand  erect  *and  look  round  on  a 
vast  cavern,  widening  in  every  direction.  Here  the  rear  awaited 
the  centre,  and  then  both,  the  van ;  and  then  all  the  torches 
being  lighted,  we  could  see  more  distinctly  this  terra  incognita. 

Deep  fissures  were  apparent  in  the  rocks  below,  into  which 
one  might  have  fallen  in  the  dark  ;  but  we  met  no  accident,  and 
continued  now  our  advance  to  the  Grand  Saloon,  or  as  Bill  had 
called  it,  "the  biggerest  cave  whare  he  couldn't  see  the  top 
like."  On  reaching  the  entry  of  this  room,  we  clambered  down 
some  rough  projecting  rocks;  and  thence  passing  along  two 
abreast  for  fifteen  yards,  we  all  stood  safe  in  the  Saloon  itself. 
Here  nothing  was  remarkable  but  the  size.  It  was  an  apart- 
ment about  eighty  feet  long  and  from  fifteen  to  forty  wide,  the 
height  varying  from  twenty  to  sixty  feet — although  in  some 
places  we  could  not  discern  any  roof. 

Near  one  end,  however,  was  a  rock  not  unlike  a  pulpit,  about 
four  feet  high  and  ascended  by  natural  steps,  and  encircled  by  a 
stony  balustrade.  The  immediate  consecration  was  proposed 
to  our  lovers.  The  gentleman,  a  store-keeper  of  Woodville, 
readily  assented ;  but  the  mistress,  a  pretty  and  interesting 
young  lady,  positively  declared  "  she  was  determined  never  to 
marry  any  where,  but  to  die  an  old  maid" — sure  sign  of  course, 
that  "  the  day  was  fixed ;"  for  girls  make  no  such  silly  and  des- 
perate speeches  till  either  mature  years  arrive  or  the  marriage 
is  secretly  arranged.  When  rallied  on  this  point,  she  took  the 
other  tack  and  said,  "  if  she  did  marry,  it  should  be  above  the 
earth ;  for  she  didn't  believe  a  marriage  under  it  was  legal ;  and 
for  her  part,  when  she  could  find  a  fellow  worth  having,  she  in- 
tended to  adhere  to  him  till  death !" 

"  Well !" — said  Peggy  Ketchim — "I'd  jist  as  leef  marry  the 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  417 

man  I  lov'd  down  here  as  not" — looking  tender  at  Jesse,  Miss 
Logrul's  beau.  Jesse,  however,  would  not  take,  being  yet  vexed 
at  the  slap  severely  done  to  his  face  on  the  crawl-away ;  but  he 
very  ungallantly  replied : 

"  Well,  darn  it,  if  I  wouldn't  like  the  joke  too,  if  Miss  Logrul 
had  only  kim  down — " 

"  Poll  Logrul !" — (dixit  Peggy) — "  what's  the  use  a  her  try  in 
to  go  through  life  with  a  feller,  when  she  couldn't  squeeze  into 
a  cave." 

Here  were  plainly  symptoms  of  a  squall,  which  it  was  expe- 
dient to  overwhelm  with  a  storm  ;  hence  I  proposed  to  try  the 
effect  of  a  unanimous  and  vigorous  "  hurra w  !" — and  to  ascer- 
tain if  the  party  outside  could  hear  our  shouting.  This  was 
agreed ;  and  then  at  the  signal  we  let  it  out ! — and  oh !  the 
uproar !  inconceivable  before,  indescribable  now !  And  the 
effect  so  different  from  noises  in  the  world  ! — in  a  few  moments 
hundreds  of  bats,  hitherto  pertinaciously  adhesive  to  the  rocks, 
took  wing,  and  flying,  with  no  discretion,  they  dashed  in  panic 
against  our  very  faces  and  open  mouths,  and  speedily  extin- 
guished more  than  half  our  torches.  Many  ladies  would  have 
fainted,  and  most  would  have  screamed  ;  but  ours,  knowing 
that  noise  had  brought  the  evil,  remained  quiet ;  and  hence  the 
bats  soon  withdrew  to  their  clinging,  and  our  torches  were  re- 
lighted ;  and — 

"  Hark  !— what's  that !  ?" 

«  What  V ' 

"  Listen  !': 

We  did,  and  heard  an  indistinct  and  peculiar  noise — no\v  like 
whining — now  like  growling — and  then  it  seemed  a  pit-pat  sound 
like  padded  feet !  and  it  then  died  away,  and  we  were  left  to 
our  speculations. 

"  Huh  !  haw ! — it's  them  blasted  fellers  outside  a  trying  to 
sker  the  gals  down  here." 

"  Who  knows  if  it  ain't  Bill's  fox?" 

"  'Spose  it  was  Bill's  wolf— hey  ?" 

At  this  ingenious  suggestion,  the  ladies  all  in  unaffected  alarm, 
proposed  an  immediate  retreat.     Yet  Domore  and  Jesse  and 
18* 


418  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

ha]f  a  dozen  other  chaps,  said  "  they  did  want  most  powerful 
bad  jist  to  see  into  the  next  room  a  little  down  like,  afore  goin 
back  ;"  and  hence  the  ladies  kindly  agreed  to  wait  in  the  saloon, 
with  a  guard,  for  their  return. 

The  explorers,  then,  set  off;  and  for  a  time  were  heard  their 
footsteps  and  merry  voices,  till  all  were  hushed  in  the  distance ; 
and  we  in  silence  remained  striving  to  catch  yet  some  faint 
sound — when  forth  on  a  sudden  came  the  burst  of  terrific 
screams  and  outcries  from  the  exploring  party !  and  that  soon 
followed  by  the  noise  of  feet  coming  back  quicker  by  far  than 
they  had  gone  away !  And  then  into  the  saloon  jumped  and 
tumbled  the  whole  party,  a  few  laughing  and  jeering,  but  most 
bawling  out — "  a  Ba'r !  a  Ba'r ! !" 

Our  ladies,  of  course,  added  at  first  a  scream  ;  and  there  was 
some  involuntary  adhering  to  husbands'  and  lovers'  arms ;  a 
little  earnest  entreaty  to  get  out  instantly  ;  and  then  a  rushing 
towards  the  egress  of  the  cave,  and  then  a  rushing^  back,  as 
darkness  in  that  direction  became  visible,  and  bats'  wings 
napped  again  into  faces ;  yet  in  no  long  time  order  was  re- 
stored, and  we  listened  to  the  following  account  from  Domore. 

"  Well !  I  tell  you  what  naburs  if  I  warn't  about  as  most 
powerful  near  a  treadin  on  a  black  varmint  of  a  ba'r,  as  most 
folks  ever  was  I  allow.  You  see,  as  we  a  kind  a  kim  to  that 
tother  long  hole,  says  I  to  Jess,  Jess  says  I,  you  jist  take  this 
here  light  of  mine  here,  and  I'll  go  fust  a  head  and  feel  along 
till  we  git's  to  that  'are  room  Bill  tells  on,  whare  he  seed  a  crik 
a  runnin  across  tother  end,  says  I.  Well,  so  Jess  he  takes  the 
light  and  we  kim  to  where  you  a  kinder  sorter  go  down  a  leetle, 
and  I  was  je-e-st  agoin  so — (action) — to  put  down  one  leg  this 
a  way  so,  a  holdin  on  so — (clinging  to  the  pulpit) — above  like, 
and  I  sees  the  rock  b'low  a  most  powerful  black  and  dark,  and  I 
thinks  as  may  be  it  mought  be  a  deep  hole ; — and  with  that  says 
I  to  Jess,  Jess  says  I,  tote  along  that  light  a  yourn — and  then  I 
holds  it  down  this  a  way — (using  his  torch) — whare  I  was  goin 
to  step,  and  blame  my  leggins  if  the  hole  didn't  seem  a  movinin, 
and  a  movinin,  till  all  of  a  quick  up  sprouted  a  ba'r's  head  !  and 
his  eyes  a  sort  a  starin  so — (imitating) — rite  slam  smack  on 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  419 

mine !  Well  Jess  he  seed  him  too,  and  the  way  he  let  out  his 
squawk  was  a  screecher  I  tell  you !  And  then  all  them  tother 
fellers  what  was  a  hind,  if  they  didn't  squeel  as  if  they  was 
skulp'd ! — and  put  out  and  make  tracks  for  this  here  preachers' 
room !  But  you  see  I've  fit  ba'r  afore  and  I  know'd  this  one 
warn't  agoin  to  fite — and  I  seed  him  a  puttin  off  afore  I  kim 
away — and  if  I'd  had  one  of  them  chap's  rifles  above  ground, 
why  you  see  if  we  wouldn't  a  cooked  ba'r  meat  down  here  to- 
day thar's  no  snakes." 

"  But,  Domore,  suppose  the  bear  had  made  battle  ?" 

«  Well— Mr.  Carltin,  'spose  he  had — do  you  see  this  ?" — 
drawing  from  his  jacket  a  very  savage  looking  scalping  knife. 

"  Yes  !  yes  ! — Domore — and  I  would  not  have  asked  you,  if 
I  had  known  you  had  your  knife." 

"  Well,  you  see,  Mr.  Carltin,  I  don't  mean  no  'fence — but  that 
a  sorter  shows  you  don't  know  all  about  the  woods  yit — albeit 
you're  a  powerful  feller  with  the  rifle ;  a  hunter  doesen't  go  into 
timber  without  his  knife,  and  never  no  how  into  sich  like  caves 
and  holes  as  this  here  one." 

Fears  had  now  abated ;  and  the  ladies  professed  great  confi- 
dence in  my  friend  Domore's  skill  and  bravery ;  still,  it  was 
voted  to  retire  immediately  into  the  world,  and  our  line  of  re- 
treat was  as  follows. 

1.  Nearly  all  the  males,  headed  by  Jesse,  who,  wishing  to 
show  his  spunk  and  retrieve  the  disgrace  of  his  "  screecher,"  led 
the  van,  now  in  front. 

2.  All  the  females. 

!  3.  The  Faculty  and  Mr.  Carlton. 

4.  And  lastly,  Domore  as  rear  guard. 

Without  memorable  accident  our  van  in  due  time  gained  the 
cave  door  and  crawled  out  head  foremost ;  then  aided  by  the 
upper  party  collected  around  at  the  unexpected  egress,  they 
helped  out  the  female  incumbents ;  and  then,  amid  united  con- 
gratulations and  derisions,  we,  the  last  division  were  ushered 
slowly  once  more  into  ordinary  life. 

"  But  where's  Domore,  our  rear  guard  ?" 

"  Oh !  I  hear  him,  or  something  else,  pushing  out — he  makes 


420  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

powerful  little  head  way  tho' — maybe  he's  draggin  a  ba'r — he's 
mighty  fussy  with  something  and  very  onactive." 

By  this  time  our  whole  party  had  come  around  the  aperture 
and  were  with  great  interest  eyeing  the  spot  to  greet  our  hero — 
when — could  it  be !»— the  hole  was  suddenly  blocked  up ! — 

"  Goodness !  Mr.  Carlton — was  it  the  bear  ?" 

"  Oh ! — no — no — no !  dear  reader,  it  was  the  full  disk  of 
Domore's  tow-linen  posterior  inexpressibles  !  For  with  proper 
regard  of  self-defence,  and  yet  with  this  peculiar  breach  of  eti- 
quette, he  was  coming  out  of  the  aperture  wrong  end  foremost ! 

Aye-yah!  you  may  hold  up  your  fans,  and  so  forth:  but  fans 
themselves  would  have  joined  in  the  universal,  uncontrollable, 
ungenteel,  and  almost  unendable  laughter,  that  for  the  first  and 
the  last  and  the  only  time  since  its  creation,  startled  and  shook 
the  grim  old  trees  that  day !  Laughter  like  that  occurs  only 
once  in  a  life-time!  And  this  is  said  deliberately,  and  to  ena- 
ble the  judicious  critics  to  remark — "  The  author  on  page  so 
and  so  is  again  guilty  of  something  like  laughing  at  his  own 
stories." 

"  Well,"  said  Domore,  when,  at  long  last,  he  made  his  apol- 
ogy— "  well,  I  know'd  it  warnt  the  best  manners  to  back  out 
like  ;  and  it  warnt  powerful  easy  ither ;  but  you  see  it  a  sort  a 
couldn't  be  helped  ;  for,  says  I  to  meself,  down  thare,  'spose,  says 
I,  the  b'ar,  or  some  sich  ugly  varmint,  was  to  kim  agin  a  feller, 
what  would  be  the  use  of  kickin  at  'im.  And  so  I  jist  sticked 
my  torch  in  a  hole,  and  drawed  out  my  knife,  and  kim  out  as 
you  see,  and  ready  to  give  it  to  any  varmint  what  mought  kim 
ahind  me." 

This  was  voted  satisfactory ;  and  Domore  was  cheered  as  the 
lion  of  the  New  Purchase ;  showing,  too,  that  the  race  of  the 
Putnams  is  not  extinct. 

Our  pic-nicery  was  now  ready  ;  and  we  began  to  regale  our- 
selves with  keen  appetites,  when  a  few  drops  of  water  made  us 
think  some  one  was  playing  a  prank ;  but  alas !  no — it  was  rain ! 
downright  rain.  And  now  if  I  had  the  pen  of  a  ready  writer,  I 
might  tell  how  quick  the  eatables  were  deserted — knives,  cups, 
plates,  cloths,  all  stuffed  and  crammed  into  saddle-bags — shawls 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  421 

pitched  on,  and  off,  too — bonnets  tied  under  chins — horses  sad- 
dled— mounted — and  we  away,  away,  over  Rock  Ford — up  and 
down  Hickory  Ridge — on  Fire-Skin's  trace — and  once  more 
snug  and  spongy  behind  Bill's  cabin. 

Bill  and  his  wife  pressed  us  to  stay  all  night — a  hunter's 
heart  being  always  bigger  than  his  cabin — but  we  all  refused 
except  Domore :  and  he  stayed,  not  to  avoid  the  rain,  but  to 
talk  over  the  cave  affair  and  the  bear  scrape.  We  took  a  fresh 
start,  and  scampered  on  fast  as  ever  to  escape  now  the  coming 
durkness :  and  in  process  of  time  reached  Woodville,  a  sad  re- 
verse of  the  gay  and  dry  party  of  the  morning  !  Yet  how  we 
looked  none  could  tell,  for  it  was  then  a  coal  black  night ;  but 
judging  by  our  own  plight,  when  standing  by  the  kitchen  fire, 
our  whole  party  must  have  been  a  remarkably  shivering  and 
absorporific  compound  of  mud  and  water ! 

Upper  class  and  aristocratic  gowns,  frocks,  hats,  and  broad- 
cloth and  silk  in  general,  had  encountered  melancholy  accidents ; 
but  none  so  serious  as  were  met  by  two  bran  new  second-rate 
Leghorns,  ambitiously  sported  for  the  first  time  to-day  by  two 
of  our  tip-top  young  ladies.  These  big-buggeries  were  not  only 
soaked  and  stained  with  water  and  dirt  of  divers  colours,  but  even 
torn  by  briars  and  branches :  and  this  utter  ruin  and  loss  retarded 
our  civilization  a  full  year !  it  being  all  that  time  before  the 
articles  were  replaced,  and  none  others  presuming  to  lead  our 
fashions  in  this  respect  except  the  two  pretty,  but  rather  vain 
Misses  Ladybook. 


422  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 


CHAPTER    LIV. 

"But  ye  that  suffer;  who  have  felt 

The  destiny  of  earth, 
That  death,  with  shadowy  hand  hath  dealt 

Rebuke  amid  your  mirth  ; 
To  you  this  tribute  of  a  word, 

When  other  sounds  have  fled, 
Will  come  like  lov'd  tones,  faintly  heard— 

The  memory  of  tho  dead." — MELLEN. 

OUR  family  was  usually  very  harmonious  :  yet  the  surface 
of  our  quiescence  was  occasionally  ruffled.  For  instance,  Mr. 
Carlton  believed  that  Miss  Elizabeth  Carlton,  now  nearly  four 
years  old,  if  she  did  spell,  ought  to  do  it  by  sounds  of  the  let- 
ters :  Aunt  Kitty  insisted  it  ought  to  be  in  the  march  of  mind 
way — by  pictures  of  things.  And  Aunt  Kitty  carried  the  day, 
affirming  that  the  baby  could  learn  to  spell  in  six  days  ! — Mr. 
Carlton  not  caring  whether  she  spelled  or  not,  provided  she  had 
plenty  of  air  and  sunshine,  and  played  all  the  time  with  a  kitten 
or  a  doll.  But  when  he  obstinately  persisted  that  the  little  one 
could  not  ever  learn  to  spell  by  pictures,  and  must  do  it  by  the 
sounds  of  separate  letters,  away  flounced  Aunt  Kitty  after  a 
caricature  book  ;  and  then  flouncing  back  she  said  with  a  voice 
of  triumph : 

"  There,  Mr.  Carlton,  spell  her  anywhere." 

"  Well,  dearee,  what  does  c-o-w  spell  ]" — covering  at  the 
same  time  the  figure  with  the  hand. 

"  Cow,"  said  the  baby  in  an  instant. 

"  There  !  Mr.  Carlton— now  sir  !" — dixit  Aunt  Kitty. 

"  How  do  you  know,  dearee,  that  it  spells  cow  ?" — said 
Mr.  C. 

"  I  sees  the — legs  !" — replied  baby. 

Aunt  Kitty  put  out,;  while  echo  maliciously  repeated — 
"  There !  Mr.  Carlton— now  sir !" 


THE     NEW    PURCHASE.  423 


—  Dear  one  !  that  was  true  learning  Aunt  Kitty  gave  you 
daily  from  the  Word  of  God.  She  did,  indeed,  by  her  living 
voice,  teach  in  figures  about  heaven  !  even  as  the  blessed  word 
itself.  And  it  was  to  that  heaven,  dearest  !  you  went,  a  few 
months  after  ;  when  death  so  strangely  quenched  the  light  of 
those  sweetly  soft  blue  eyes  ! 


Parents !  have  you  children  in  heaven?  The  author  has  six ! 
And  shall  we  not  strive  to  rejoin  the  loved  ones,  where  day- 
dreams are  no  more;  and  all  is  glorious,  satisfying,  unending 
reality  1 


CHAPTER   LV. 

"  There  was  a  sound  of  revelry  by  night, 

And  Belgium's  capital  had  gathered  then 
Her  beauty  and  her  chivalry;  and  bright 

The  lamps  shone  o'er  fair  women  and  brave  men; 

A  thousand  hearts  beat  happily ;  and  when 
Music  arose  with  its  voluptuous  swell, 

Soft  eyes  looked  love  to  eyes  which  spake  again, 
And  all  went  merry  as  a  marriage  bell — 

But  hush  I  hark !  a  deep  sound  strikes  like  a  rising  knell  ?' 

WE  shall  conclude  this  year  with  a  wedding. 

"  Who  is  to  be  married  ?" 

John  Glenville. 

"That  old  bachelor?" 

The  same. 

"  To  whom  ?" 

Pardon  me,  I  may  not  tell. 


The  society  of  Woodville  was  not  yet  as  refined  as  it  might 
have  been ;  although  steps  for  the  sublimating  process  had  been 
taken  by  our  gentry,  and  with  some  success.  Such  attempts, 


424  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

however,  by  many,  were  regarded  with  jealousy,  and  by  not  a 
few  with  feelings  of  rancorous  hostility.  Sometimes,  too,  every 
attempt  had  failed,  and  that  owing  to  the  "  galls  :"  for  these  in- 
sisted on  mixing  with  our  parties,  and  also  on  taking  seats  at 
table  ;  or,  if  not  present,  it  was  owing  to  management,  and  not 
a  tame  surrender  of  the  helpers'  rights.  Not  unfrequently  had 
an  embryo  lady,  or  one  emerging  from  the  grub  and  hoosiery 
form,  been  compelled  by  the  discontent  of  her  help,  who  had 
detected  the  artifice  of  her  mistress,  to  soothe  the  young  lady, 
by  saying  before  the  company : 

"  Betty,  child,  I  do  wish  you  would  sit  down,  and  sort  a  pour 
out,  while  I  run  out  and  bake  the  rest  of  the  cakes." 

Once  a  very  select  party  of  prospective  gentry  had  assembled 
at  Mrs.  Roughsmoothe's,  and  had  become  talkative  and  lively  ; 
when  the  gall-help,  wishing  to  increase  the  fun,  suddenly  de- 
scended from  the  loft,  into  our  company,  and  paraded  over  the 
room  in  her  lady's  husband's  brother's  old  buckskin  breeches  I 

To  aid  the  polishing  of  society,  after  long  discussions  among 
the  ladies,  not  those  only  connected  with  the  bride  elect,  but 
others  intimate  with  our  several  families,  it  was  determined  to 
have  a  sample  wedding.  To  this,  indeed,  the  gentlemen  all  had 
objections ;  but  the  weaker  sex,  as  is  always,  in  such  affairs,  the 
case,  proved  the  stronger :  and  so  away  to  work  went  all  hands 
for  the  grand  display. 

And  now,  the  truth  of  political  economy  became  manifest, 
that  extravagance  benefits  mechanics,  storekeepers,  and  the  like ; 
for  we  sold  broadcloth,  and  trimmings,  and  silks,  and  satins — 
in  short,  all  things  for  wedding-suits,  dresses  and  decorations ; 
and  every  mantua-maker,  milliner,  tailor  and  shoemaker  was  in 
immediate  requisition.  Superfine  flour,  too,  was  needed — the 
best  teas  and  coffees — the  best  loaf  sugar — the  best,  in  a  word, 
of  all  persons  and  things  from  the  beginning  to  the  end  of 
Woodville.  Nay,  many  articles  were  required  from  the  Ohio 
River.  Hence,  so  many  messages  were  sent,  and  so  many 
packages  brought,  by  wagoners  and  travellers,  to  and  from, 
that  long  before  the  eventful  day,  half  the  State  was  advertised 
of  the  coming  ceremony.  Indeed,  not  a  few  at  that  time,  came 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  425 

into  Woodville  from  adjoining  counties :  which  accounts  for 
the  curious  external  celebration  that  accompanied  the  inter- 
nal one. 

Nor  were  only  selling  and  buying  promoted  by  the  affair — 
it  increased  borrowing  and  lending.  Many,  who  "allowed" 
they  would  be  asked,  had  agreed  to  lend  one  another  suitable 
apparel,  from  caps  and  curls  upwards,  to  shoes  and  stockings 
downwards  :  and  our  bride's  folks,  not  having  domestic  means 
enough,  had  borrowed  far  and  wide  every  article  in  the  shape 
of  china,  proper  and  mock,  and  silver,  German  and  real.  Con- 
sequently, the  whole  settlement  was  more  or  less  interested  in 
our  wedding :  and  it  was  clear  as  sunshine,  we  should  have  as 
fine  a  gathering  of  hoosiers,  in  all  stages  of  refinement,  both  in 
side  and  outside  the  house,  as  the  heart  of  man  could  desire. 

The  wedding  week  had  now  arrived  ;  and  notes,  prepared  in 
the  best  style,  were  sent  round  by  Wooley  Ben,  the  negro  bar- 
ber, hired  as  waiter,  and  to  discharge  a  dozen  other  offices  and 
duties.  Additional  waiters  would  have  been  employed ;  but 
this  was  the  only  respectable  black  "nigger"  in  town:  and  as 
to  hiring  a  native,  white,  red,  or  brown,  you  might  as  easily 
have  hired  the  Governor. 

Well,  the  grand  evening  came  at  last ;  and  about  sundown 
the  wedding  guests  arrived,  and  were  formally  ushered  into  the 
parlour ;  which,  for  the  first,  saw  ladies  enter  without  bonnets, 
and  with  heads — some  profusely,  but  many  tastefully — decora- 
ted with  flowers  and  curls,  artificial  and  real.  And  never  had 
that  room  been  so  full  of  seats,  varying  from  sofa  to  stool,  or 
of  so  many  yards  of  silk,  thread-lace,  and  bobinette !  It  had 
the  honour  of  sustaining  the  first  fashionable  jam  ever  known  in 
the  Purchase ! 

Across  the  entry  was  a  dining-room  ;  which  was  now  devoted 
to  the  supper-table  and  its  fixins.  The  supper  differed,  how- 
ever, in  no  important  point  from  an  eastern  affair — except  it 
was  twice  as  abundant.  But  our  furniture  was  very  different. 
Things  went,  indeed,  by  usual  names  ;  yet  the  plate  and  the 
plates  were  very  unlike  modern  articles :  and  they  were  differ- 
ent from  themselves !  All  were  antique  vases,  goblets,  spoons, 


426  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

and  so  forth,  the  relics  of  broken  and  by-gone  sets ;  and 
gathered,  not  merely  from  all  parts  of  the  Union,  but  from 
France,  England,  Nova  Scotia,  Scotland  and  Wales.  China  and 
silver  representatives  were  on  that  table,  of  all  the  grand  old- 
fashioned  dignity  once  pertaining  to  the  ancestry  of  the  Wood- 
ville  grandees  ;  and  whose  pretensions  to  gentility  thus  shone 
forth  in  a  dumb  show !  Not  a  bit  of  plate,  pretended  or  genuine, 
but  what  had  been  borrowed,  and  several  pieces  had  even  been 
sent  voluntarily ;  so  that  Ned,  one  of  the  company  without, 
very  properly  said,  in  his  vernacular : 

"  Well,  bust  my  rifle,  if  I  allowed  thare  was  sich  a  powerful 
heap  of  silver  and  chanery  in  these  here  diggins  !  I  tell  you 
what,  Domore !  would't  them  wot-you-callums  buy  up  ne'er 
about  all  Uncle  Sam's  land  in  these  parts  f 

It  has  been  said,  the  incipient  attempts  to  sublimate  and  crys- 
talize  society,  were  viewed  by  many  with  enmity  :  and  hence 
the  male  clarifiers  had  opposed  any  grand  doings  now,  as  the 
whole  might  irritate,  excite  great  prejudice,  and  even  retard  the 
desired  improvements.  That  such  fears  were  not  groundless, 
will  appear  in  the  sequel :  but  an  episode  is  here  necessary. 

In  many  places  of  the  Far  West,  in  those  days,  was  preva- 
lent a  custom  derived  from  the  Canadians,  called  Chevrarai; 
or,  as  pronounced  by  us  in  the  Purchase,  and  spelled  by  Mr. 
Nonpareil  Primer,  our  College  printer — Shiver-ree.  And  that 
looks  and  sounds  as  much  like  the  thing  as  its  echo.  Hence  we 
shall  follow  nature,  or  Mr.  Primer — who  was  very  natural  in 
spelling — and  call  the  thing  shiver-ree.  The  shiver-reeing  was 
done  by  a  collection  of  all  physical  bodies  capable  of  emitting 
sounds,  from  a  sugar-kettle  to  a  horse-shoe ;  and  from  the 
hoarsest  bass  of  the  toughest  hoosier,  to  the  most  acute  treble 
of  the  tenderest  hoosierine — and  all,  at  a  signal,  let  off  at  once 
under  the  windows,  and  in  the  very  doors,  of  the  marriage- 
house. 

Commonly  fun  only  was  designed  ;  and  the  serenaders,  good- 
humouredly,  retired  after  a  dram  of  some  alcoholic  liquor. 
Still,  a  little  frolicsome  mischief  was  sometimes  added.  For 
instance,  the  shiver-ree-ers  would  insist  on  seeing  the  bride- 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  427 

groom  ;  and  the  moment  he  appeared,  he  would  be  transported 
to  their  shoulders,  and  paraded  round  a  few  hundred  yards,  and 
in  the  very  centre  of  the  music ;  after  which  he  would  be  re- 
stored to  his  anxious  bride,  and  the  revellers,  giving  three 
cheers,  would  retire.  The  bridegroom  would,  indeed,  some- 
times, be  kept  too  long  ;  as  was  the  case  with  the  young  store- 
keeper, who  had  been  of  our  cave  party  :  for,  the  shiver-ree 
folks,  having,  by  a  very  cunning  stratagem,  caught  this  bride- 
groom, contrived  to  carry  him  away,  and  keep  him  locked  up 
in  the  jury-room  of  the  Court-house  till  near  daybreak,  when 
he  was  liberated  !  And  all  this,  without  his  being  able  to  iden- 
tify one  of  his  persecutors ! 

But  the  Shiver-ree  was  used,  also,  to  annoy  any  unpopular 
person  or  family.  And,  then,  not  even  double  or  quadruple 
drams  could  purchase  peace.  The  moment  always  chosen  to 
begin  the  concert,  was  when  the  parties  stood  before  the  parson. 
Then  the  power  of  his  voice,  the  patience  of  the  groom,  and  the 
nerves  of  the  bride,  were  all  fairly  tested.  The  solemnization 
was  as  publicly  and  loudly  announced  as  by  the  roar  of  artillery 
at  royal  celebrations.  The  art  within  was  to  elude  the  vigilance 
of  the  party  without :  in  which  attempt,  however,  to  the  best 
of  my  recollection,  the  party  within  was  always  preeminently 
unsuccessful — it  being  not  possible  that  any  movement  could 
escape  a  dozen  practised  eyes  and  ears  watching  for  signs,  and 
usually  aided  by  treachery  within  the  house. 

Well,  to-night,  with  all  experience  against  us,  and  although 
notified,  by  ominous  sounds  of  rehearsal,  that  the  musicians 
were  ready,  we  tried  the  usual  ways  of  eluding — such  as  drop- 
ping the  curtains,  appointing  sentinels  for  doors  and  crevices, 
and  specially  by  keeping  up  no  small  noise  ourselves,  laughing, 
talking,  and  screaming,  up  to  the  instant  when  Mr.  Clarence 
suddenly  rose  and  met  the  bridal  party,  entering  from  an  ad- 
joining apartment.  Without  delay,  he  began  with  the  notice, 
that,  by  virtue  of  a  license  in  his  hand,  he  appeared  to  unite  in 
marriage  the  parties  named  therein,  viz. — John  Glenville,  of 

Guzzleton,  and  Evelina  B ,  of  B :  and,  as  the  pro- 

foundest  stillness  yet  prevailed  without,  we  began  to  exchange 


428  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

smiles  of  triumph,  that,  for  once,  Argus  had  been  beguiled. 
Even  the  preacher  proceeded,  with  unwonted  confidence,  and 
said,  pro  formula — "  if  any  one  present  knows  reason  why  the 
parties  ought  not  to  be  united  in  the  bands  of  wedlock,  let  such 

an  one  now  speaJc  ."  If  anybody  inside  answered,  the 

voice  was  unheard  in  the  horrid  din  from  without,  that  inter- 
rupted and  replied  to  the  Reverend  Gentleman's  inquisitorial 
words. 

What  the  din  resembled,  the  reader,  if  poetic  and  fond  of 
music,  may  imagine,  when  we  run  over  the  instruments  of  that 
extra-transcendental  quavering,  quivering,  shivering  and  roaring 
uproar ! — viz.,  two  corn  baskets  full  of  cow-bells  tied  to  sap- 
lings ; — a  score  and  a  half  of  frying  pans  beat  with  mush 
sticks ; — two  and  thirty  Dutch  oven  and  skillet  lids  clashed  as 
cymbals; — fifty -three  horse  shoes,  played  as  triangles; — ten 
large  wash-tubs  and  seven  small  barrels  drummed  with  fists  and 
corn-cobs  ;  one  hundred  and  ninety  five  quills,  prepared  and 
blown  as  clarionets ; — forty-three  tin-whistles  and  baby-trum- 
pets, blown  till  they  all  cracked ; — two  small  and  one  large 
military  drums  with  six  fifes,  blown  on  D  in  alt.,  or  there- 
abouts-;— add  imitations  of  scalp  and  war  cries; — and  inhuman 
yells,  screams,  shrieks  and  hisses  of  the  most  eminent  vocal- 
ists ! 

The  human  performers  were  estimated  from  two  hundred  and 
fifty  to  three  hundred  and  fifty !  there  being  about  two  hundred 
extra  volunteers  from  other  counties : — the  whole  mammoth- 
rabble-rouse  being  got  up  to  do  special  dishonour  to  "  'ristocra- 
ticul  and  powerful  grand  big-bug  doins!"  There  were  alst> 
super-human  vocalists  ! — of  these  directly. 

Temperance  had  advocates  ready  to  shoot,  but  not  be  shot  for 
her,  in  our  party  ;  hence  when  the  ceremony  was  supposed  to  be 
ended,  by  the  parson's  being  seen  kissing  the  wife,  out  started 
>the  two  groomsmen  and  several  volunteers  with  buckets, 
pitchers,  and  cups,  to  molify  the  drinking  part  of  the  serenaders. 
But  when  the  customary  doses  were  administered,  not  only  did 
the  musicians  not  retire  with  the  complimentary  cheers,  but  re- 
mained and  calling  for  "  big-bug  wine — fit  for  gentlemen  !"  and 


THE     Is7EW     PURCHASE.  429 

letting  off  at  each  repetition  of  the  demand  peals  of  shiver-ree ; 
till  finding  after  all  no  wine  forthcoming,  they  manifested  symp- 
toms of  more  serious  riot  and  abuse. 

This  awakened  an  angry  spirit  in  the  bridal  party ;  and 
threats  from  without  were  answered  by  menace  from  within; 
while  inquiries  were  made  of  our  host  what  arms  could  be  fur- 
nished for  the  defence  of  the  castle.  At  this  instant  a  window 
sash  behind  the  Miss  Ladybooks  was  cautiously  raised  from 
without,  and  before  I  could  step  thither  to  hold  down  the  sash, 
in  leaped  a  musician — a  four  footed  swine,  some  six  months  of 
age,  and  weighing  some  fifty  pounds  !  Master  Grunter  had 
evidently  entered  unwillingly :  and  although  in  his  descent  he 
availed  himself  of  one  lady's  shoulder,  and  another's  lap,  he 
trod  elastically  as  an  essenced  exquisite,  and  scarcely  deranged 
a  collar  or  soiled  a  frock  ! 

The  feat  was  cheered  by  piggy's  associates  ;  and  the  more,  as 
our  ladies  in  avoiding  the  unclean  gentleman,  had  sprung  upon 
chairs,  sofas,  and  even  tables,  where  their  alarmed  countenances 
were  visible  above  the  curtains  to  the  bipedalic  hogs  without. 
Young  Squeal,  however,  behaved  himself  just  like  a  pig  in  a 
parlour — he  sneaked  with  a  tight-twisted  tail  and  vulgar  grunt 
under  the  grand  bridal  sofa :  and  thence,  I  forget  how,  he  was 
unceremoniously  turned  out  among  his  former  friends,  where 
he  felt  himself  more  at  home. 

Virginia  and  Kentucky  blood  was  now  approaching  the  boil- 
ing point ;  and  a  rush  was  made  by  some  of  us  towards  the 
door — but  there  Dr.  Sylvan  had,  with  great  wisdom,  already 
taken  post  to  prevent  if  possible,  either  ingress  or  egress. 
Still  the  door  could  not  be  kept  wholly  closed;  and  we  thus 
caught  glimpses  of  performers  mounted  on  the  backs  of  per- 
formers— the  super-human  ones  being  large  four-footed  hogs, 
which  were  held  on  human  backs,  by  their  front  legs,  advanced 
hugging  fashion,  each  side  a  human  neck !  As  the  rational 
creatures  capered  up  and  down  with  their  riders,  those  irra- 
tional onos,  in  terror  and  fierce  indignation,  were  sending  forth 
those  long,  woful,  keen,  nerve-shaking  appeals  for  release,  that 
we  in  simplicity  had  till  now  imagined  masterly  imitations  of 


430  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 

some  squeaking  even  better  than  piggy  himself!     Nothing  like 
the  true  hog  after  all  ! 

Meanwhile,  two  thus  doing  piggy-back  in  reverse  order,  had 
gradually  advanced  to  the  door  ;  when  the  horse-pig  essayed  to 
force  a  wider  aperture,  intending  to  incline  forward  and  thus 
allow  the  mounted  animal  to  leap  into  the  entry,  and  thence 
into  the  dining-room  to  upset  and  demolish  the  table  with  its 
goodies  and  silver.  But  no  sooner  had  the  hog-ridden  serenadei 
thrust  his  hand  into  the  aperture  than  Dr.  S.  aided  by  Harwood 
forced  the  door  against  the  member,  and  so  held  the  gentlemai 
that  he  cried  out  not  wholly  unlike  Mr.  Snout  but  a  moment 
before  on  his  back,  yet  now  let  fall !  It  is  wonderful  how  hard 
a  fellow  can  pull  when  his  hand  is  thus  caught !  Why,  spite  of 
all  the  force  against  him,  he  did  jerk  his  hand  out — and  left  no- 
thing behind  except  the  skin  of  a  thumb  with  a  nail  attached  ! 
— a  scalp  for  the  victors  ! 

At  the  instant  word  came  to  the  author,  that  his  darling  little 
girl  had  gone  into  fits  from  fright !  And  when  I  beheld  the 
blood  gushing  from  her  nose,  and  her  face  pale  and  death-like — 
*  *  * — yes,  I  rushed  out  bare-headed  and  weaponless,  fol- 
lowed by  a  few  bold  friends  with  lights,  Dr.  S.  having  left  the 
door  to  attend  the  babe !  Our  design  was  to  catch  some  in  the 
act  of  riot,  and  make  them  answer  at  a  legal  tribunal.  Aware 
of  this,  the  rabble  fled  as  our  lights  advanced :  but  soon  rally- 
ing in  a  dark  corner,  they  began  to  salute  us  with  groans,  hisses, 
and  stones — and  then  rose  the  cry,  "  Knock  'em  down  ! — drag 
the  big-bug  yankees  through  the  creek !"  And  so  our  situation 
was  momentarily  becoming  more  and  more  critical,  when  a 
well-known  voice  thus  arose  in  our  behalf: — 

"  Bust  my  rifle  ! — if  I'm  goin  to  stand  by  and  see  that  ither, 
I  say,  or  my  name's  not  Ned  Stanley — no  !  no !  I  tell'd  you 
to  put  off  a  hour  ago,  when  me  and  Domore  kim  up,  arter  they 
give  us  the  fust  dram.  Them  folks  ain't  to  my  idee,  no  how, 
but  they've  got  rights  as  well  as  the  best  on  us — and  I  ain't 
agoin  for  to  see  'em  trampled  on  no  further  no  how.  I  say  Bob 
Carl  tin's  a  powerful  clever  feller,  arter  all,  albeit  he's  thick  with 
big-bugs — and,  bust  my  rifle,  if  any  man  knocks  him  down  to- 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  431 

night,  or  drags  him  in  the  water,  till  he  tries  hisself  fust  on  Ned 
Stanley  !" 

"Them's  my  idees,  Ned,"  responded  the  well-known  voice  of 
Domore — "  and  it  tain't  us  Woodill  fellers  no  how,  what's  car- 
ried it  so  fur — it's  them  blasted  chaps  from  the  Licks  and  Nobs. 
And  I'm  not  goin  ither  to  go  agin  a  man  what  was  with  us  in 
Bill's  cave — and  if  that  leetle  gal  a  hissin  is  gone  in  a  fit,  I'm 
most  powerful  teetotal  sorry  I  had  anything  to  do  with  the  fun 
any  how.  Come,  come,  darn  my  leggins,  let's  make  ourselves 
skerse — come,  fellers,  let's  be  off!" 

Mobs,  like  other  flocks  and  herds,  follow  their  leaders  by 
instinct.  After  all  Virgil's  poetical  great  man's  power  to 
smooth  down  popular  swells,  this  night  showed  he  could  have 
done  nothing  that  way  in  the  Purchase — unless  he  had  a  cart- 
whip  like  a  priest — and  drove  tame  jackasses — ours  were  wild 
ones.  For  though  the  grave  and  reverend  Clarence  was  with 
us,  no  subsidence  in  the  boiling  sea  was  visible,  till  Ned  and 
Domore  rose  in  their  majesty  ;  and  while  two  or  more  school- 
masters were  abroad  in  the  land  that  night,  the  quelling  of  riot 
and  preventing  of  violence  and  bloodshed,  was  by  radical  leaders 
destitute  of  learning  and  gravity,  but  full  of  courage,  manly  feel- 
ing and  muscular  power ! 

Man  may  be  known  from  books,  but  men  and  boys  are  dif- 
ferent matters ;  and  the  phases  of  the  genus  Homo  in  the  Pur- 
chase were  then  different  from  the  phases  elsewhere.  Even  a 
genuine  Hoosier  mob  is  totally  unlike  a  scum  mob  in  an  Atlan- 
tic city  :  generosity  may  be  found  in  the  former,  none  in  the 
latter.  The  first  loves  rather  the  fun,  the  latter,  the  plunder 
and  blood,  of  a  riot.  Fear  of  the  military  scatters  the  city  mob, 
an  appeal  to  manliness  disperses  the  Hoosier  one. 

Our  retreat  was  left,  of  course,  unimpeded  ;  nor  was  the 
annoyance  renewed.  Yet  the  spirit  of  frolic  was  up ;  and  aided 
by  the  spirit  of  the  still.  Hence,  away  rolled  the  tumult  to  the 
forest ;  where  the  prowling  panther  and  other  denizens  of  the 
lairs,  were  appalled  by  a  tempest  of  sounds,  such  as  never  be- 
fore had  disturbed  the  solemnities  of  the  grand  old  shades.  And 
the  orgies  of  the  drunken-god  were  celebrated  as  in  primitive 


432  THE     NEW      PURCHASE. 

times,  when  Orpheus  was  hired  to  lead  home  the  raving  wives 
and  daughters  of  his  townsmen. 

Next  day,  Dr.  Sylvan  and  others  dreading  future  results  of 
the  Shiver-ree  made  inquisition  for  leading  rioters.  None,  of 
course,  could  be  identified,  save  the  man  without  the  thumb- 
skin  ;  and  he,  taking  the  alarm,  became  "  so  skerse"  as  never 
again  to  be  seen  in  Woodville.  For  a  while,  therefore,  the 
Shiver-ree  was  disused ;  but  by  degrees  it  was  again  introduced, 
and  when  we  left  the  Purchase  it  was  there  as  popular  and  noisy 
as  ever. 


CHAPTER    LVI. 

SIXTH    YEAR. 

"  MAB.  Alas,  my  lord,  I  have  but  killed  a  Fly  ! 
TIT.     But  how,  if  that  fly  had  a  father  and  mother  ? 
How  would  he  hang  his  slender  gilded  wings, 
And  buzz  lamenting  doings  in  the  air  ? 
Poor  harmless  fly ! 

That  with  his  pretty  buzzing  melody, 
Came  here  to  make  us  merry — And  ifiou  hast  killed  Mm  /" 

BY  a  recent  charter  of  our  college,  it  was  appointed  that  the 
Faculty  should  oversee  the  Students ;  the  Trustees,  oversee  the 
Faculty ;  the  Board  of  Visitors,  the  Trustees ;  and  the  Legisla- 
ture the  Visitors — the  people  in  general  engaging  to  oversee 
the  Legislature,  and  the  people  of  Woodville,  the  entire  whole! 
The  cause  of  education  was,  then,  well  overseen!  And  yet  our 
circle  was  as  vicious  as  that  of  the  Church  Militant  and  Insult- 
ant;  which  keeps  its  antagonist  foundations  in  perpetual  somer- 
set— top  and  bottom  being  always  at  bottom  and  top — and  yet 
so  circumferential  as  to  be  alike  destitute  of  top  or  bottom,  or 
bottom  or  top — and  bound  by  its  infallibility  to  roll  on  for  ever 
in  its  absurdities ! 

And  now  was  to  be  found  the  rara  avis — the  white  crow — a 
good  President.  Distant  and  learned  gentlemen  had  answered 
our  first  inquiries,  by  an  earnest  recommendation  of  Mr.  Cla- 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  433 

rence ;  but  so  widely  did  that  personage  differ  in  opinion,  that 
he  suppressed  a  letter  written  to  himself  urging  him  by  all 
means  to  be  a  candidate.  He  plead  his  youth ;  and  his  wish  to 
remain  in  a  subordinate  post  to  perfect  himself  in  his  favourite 
studies — languages,  history,  and  mathematics.  He  insisted, 
also,  that  good  professors  were  as  important  as  a  good  presi- 
dent; and  with  a  little  allowable  vanity,  he  added,  if  he  should 
make  so  good  a  president,  as  his  friends'  partiality  led  them  to 
suppose,  it  would  be  quite  a  loss  to  deprive  the  college  of  so 
good  a  professor !  He,  therefore,  did — unwisely  as  Mr.  Carl- 
ton  thinks — decline  a  nomination,  and  earnestly  entreat  the 
Board  to  look  out  for  "  an  older  man  /" 

There  were  collecting  just  now  reverend  gentlemen  at  Wood- 
ville  to  form  a  travelling  party  towards  the  south  to  a  famous 
council,  of  which  Clarence  was  also  a  member ;  and  I  having 
business,  was  furnished  with  the  most  agreeable  associates. 
Regalists  may  sneer  at  dissenting  and  republican  clergy ;  but  I 
repeat,  what  can  never  be  repeated  too  often,  that  such  clergy, 
when  evangelical  and  intelligent,  aside  from  a  spice  of  sectarian- 
ism— and  a  man  without  a  spice  is  no  man,  but  a  sneaking 
time-server — are  the  most  benevolent,  instructive,  entertaining, 
cheerful,  and  liberal  of  men.  They  condense  and  concentrate 
most  qualities,  too,  essential  to  good  fellowship.  They  are 
usually  men  of  the  greatest  courage.  And  when  and  where 
duty  calls,  whether  into  jeopardy  of  property,  or  character,  or 
ease,  or  limb,  or  life  itself,  no  men  more  fearlessly  or  resolutely 
encounter  it.  A  good  man  fears  God — and  that  absorbs  or 
counteracts  all  other  fears. 

Exceptions  occur ;  yet  of  intelligent  and  learned  folks  the 
true  clergy  can  and  do,  most  easily  and  naturally,  accommodate 
themselves  to  opposite  lives ;  and,  not  to  acquire  fame  or  money 
or  power,  or  do  penance — but  to  do  good.  Influence  is,  indeed, 
thus  acquired,  yet  not  more  than  is  right  and  desirable.  Far 
from  my  beloved  land  be  that  hour,  when  her  own  republican 
ministers  shall  have  no  literary,  moral  and  spiritual  influence ! 
God  shield  her  from  the  Egyptian  darkness  threatening  from 
yonder  ominous  cloud  rising  above  the  distant  horizon — shaped 
19 


434  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

not  like  a  man's  hand,  and  pregnant  with  refreshing  rains,  but 
like  a  man's  toe  portending  contempt,  spurning,  overthrow  and 
subjugation.  But  I  smell  faggotsj — and  I  court  not  martyrdom 
— and  none  can  tell  what  Hugheous  attempts  may  next  be  made 
nor  when !  Sneer  on  !  antipuritan  !  if  you  fear  not  for  us,  it  is 
high  time,  as  Cato  told  Caesar  in  the  Roman  Senate,  we  should 
fear  for  ourselves  !  Bow  your  own  base  neck — we  will  never 
bow  ours ! 

Our  party  was  increased  at  every  ferry  and  cross  path  till 
it  numbered  twenty-two  ;  enough  to  hold  meeting  on  horseback. 
The  time  was  mid  Spring ;  and  the  old  woods  were  glorying  in 
the  sylvan  splendours  of  new  dresses  and  decorations.  The  sun 
was,  indeed,  ardent,  and  rejoicing  like  one  to  run  a  race ;  but 
then  the  dense  foliage  spread  a  screen  over  the  pathway,  while 
the  balmy  breath  of  zephyrs,  rich  with  perfume  of  wild  flower 
and  blossom,  fanned  our  faces  and  sported  with  the  forest  leaf 
and  spray.  Beauteous  birds  and  tribes  of  unseen  animals  and 
insects  from  every  branch  and  every  bushy  lair  or  cavern,  were 
pouring  forth  choral  symphonies  of  praise. 

Was  it  wonderful,  then,  that  Christians  going  to  a  spiritual 
congress,  should  be  unable  to  restrain  hymns  of  praise  ?  Out 
upon  rationalism,  or  any  pseudo-ism  that  makes  men  dumb 
like— like — "beasts'?"  No;  "insects?"  No; — these  in  the 
woods  God  planted  and  nurtured  for  ages  are  vocal.  "  Like 
what  then  ?"  Like  a  German  or  a  French  Atheist. 

Hymns  then,  as  we  rode,  were  sung;  and,  with  heart  and 
voice,  in  the  solemn  and  joyous  words  of  king  David.  God 
was  felt  to  be  there  !  His  grand  temple  was  around  us !  How 
like  sons  and  daughters  going  home  rejoicing !  How  like  the 
Church  in  the  wilderness !  We  have  before  said,  what  in  re- 
ligion begins  in  poetry  often  ends  in  prose ; — and  so  would  be 
the  result  now,  if  fanaticism  should  get  up  a  system  of  protrac- 
ted and  locomotive  meetings  on  horse-back !  The  poetry  be- 
longs only  to  the  accidental  occurrence. 

Arrived  in  due  time  at  the  place  of  the  council,  I  was  induced 
to  remain  a  day  and  witness  its  proceedings.  The  weather 
being  favourable,  and  no  cabin  being  large  enough  to  accommo 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  435 

date  the  hundreds  of  spectators,  many  of  whom  had  come  more 
than  a  hundred  miles,  it  was  arranged  to  hold  the  sessions  in 
the  woods.  Among  the  accommodations  was  a  large  wagon 
body  placed  on  suitable  timbers,  to  serve  for  a  pulpit ;  and 
here,  during  the  religious  exercises,  were  seated  all  the  clerical 
members — making  with  their  aggregate  weight  a  half  a  ton  of 
theologians,  if  not  of  divinity.  Here,  also,  during  the  secular 
business,  was  seated  the  President, — and  supported  by  his 
scribes  on  the  right  and  left. 

But  I  was  soon  hurried  from  this  Nice  council,  by  the  stress 
of  worldly  business;  and  that  accomplished,  it  was  necessary 
for  me  to  return  alone  to  Woodville,  and  by  a  route  then  very 
rarely  taken  by  any  person,  and  never  before  nor  since  by 
myself. 

On  my  first  day,  I  was  fortunately  overtaken  by  a  large 
company,  unlike  my  religious  friends,  and  yet  by  no  means  un- 
acceptable comrades  in  the  vast  wilderness  I  had  just  entered. 
It  was  a  Surveyor  and  his  assistants,  going  to  run  some  line,  or 
lay  out  some  road.  In  genuine  Western  style  they  welcomed 
me  not  only  to  ride  with  them,  but  to  participate  their  dough- 
biscuits  and  jerked  venison.  We  beguiled  the  way,  of  course^ 
with  anecdote  and  story  of  adventures  and  mishaps  till  tired  of 
telling  and  hearing ;  and  then,  recreation  came  on  wings — in  the 
shape  of  horseflies  ! 

The  tame  or  civilized  horse-fly  of  the  Atlantic  States,  is  well 
enough  as  to  size ;  and,  when  half  starved,  can  bite  reasonably 
well ; — but  the  ill-bred,  barbarian  horse-fly,  or  rather  flies,  for 
the  sorts  are  countless, — can't  they  bite !  Like  all  hoosiery  and 
woolverine  things,  they  are  regardless  of  dignities;  and  hence 
suck  blood  from  the  rider  as  well  as  the  horse !  They  even 
make  no  distinction  between  merchants  and  men !  or  between 
the  "brethren"  and  "the  misters!!"  Very  probably  they 
would  suck  blood  from  the  President  of  the  United  States  ! — 
the  greatest  of  all  earthly  potentates — (in  breeches,  of  course  !) 
Ay  !  from  Uncle  Sam,  and  Brother  Jonathan  : — although  their 
blood  so  much  excels  that  of  the  Russian  Bear,  or  John 


436  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

Bull !  Nothing  like  the  Great-Grand-North-American-Repub- 
lican Horse-Fly  !  ten  of  them  can  kill  a  dandy  ! 

Now,  a  man  can  endure  a  single  fly  :  but  a  cloud  pitching  at 
once  on  him  and  his  horse,  requires  some  patience  and  no  small 
activity  and  diligence.  The  best  antidote  is  a  duck's  bill. 
This,  however,  is  inconvenient  to  administer,  as  it  requires  a 
cessation  of  motion  and  a  recumbent  posture.  Indeed,  to  be 
fully  benefitted,  one  must  lie  down,  as  we  saw  a  cow  to-day  at 
a  squatter's  cabin,  and  permit,  as  she  did,  six  active  ducks  and 
one  drake,  to  traverse  the  whole  body,  and  gobble  up  and  down 
the  flies  at  the  instant  of  alighting,  and  make  repeated  success- 
ful snaps  at  them  on  the  wing  ! 

The  best  defensive  armour  would  doubtless  be  to  have  one's 
whole  skin  tanned — (leatherwise)  : — and  next,  are  boots  and 
leggins,  as  far  as  they  go :  but  summer  coat  and  inexpressibles 
are  as  good  as — nothing.  Some  advantage  is  found  by  insert- 
ing tops  of  broken  bushes  into  every  crevice  of  the  horse-trap- 
pings ;  into  the  hat-band  and  button  holes ;  and  at  the  tops  of 
boots  and  leggins:  yet,  with  all  these,  will  be  lots  of  work  both 
for  the  man's  hands  and  the  horse's  tail. 

I  do  wish  Mrs.  Trollope  had  been  with  us  to-day.  If  she  had 
seen  nothing  to  amuse  and  interest  her,  I  am  certain  we  should — • 
although  we  had  enough  as  it  was.  To  a  student  of  nature, 
how  interesting  our  appearance — all  bestuck  with  bushes — a 
grove  on  horse-back  !  whence  issued  human  hands  slapping 
hard,  as  a  Catholic  self-inflicting  penance  !  Then  the  madness 
of  a  bushman  missing  a  fly  !  and  his  triumph  and  malicious  joy 
in  mashing  one !  The  horses,  now  stopping  with  one  side  to 
stamp  and  bite !  now  springing  away,  to  rub  off  the  torment  in 
the  bushes  !  and  then  their  tails  ! — it  did  seem  they  would, 
sooner  or  later,  switch  and  swing  loose,  and  fall  off! 

The  grand  exhibition,  however,  was  by  a  poor  brute  of  a 
horse,  with  a  short  tail  and  a  tipsy  rider.  As  to  the  tail,  that 
had  been  partly  amputated  by  some  barbarian — there  being  a 
fashion  in  horse-tails  as  in  whiskers — and,  added  to  that  inhu- 
manity, was  the  inconsiderate  behaviour  of  a  silly  colt,  into 
whose  mouth  the  tail-stump  had  fallen — the  hair  being  all  eaten 


THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  437 

away  by  the  said  colt,  till  the  denuded  thing  stuck  out  six 
inches  only,  like  a  wooden  article  of  the  same  name,  glued  to  a 
toy-horse,  to  show  which  end  is  not  the  head.  Think  ! — to  be 
with  such  a  make-believe  tail,  in  a  flock  of  horse-flies !  And  the 
drunken  rider  had  arranged  no  grove  of  bush-tops  ! ! 

Had  the  flies  infested  the  human  beast !  but  these  sagacious 
flocks  knew  what  was  for  their  health,  and,  therefore,  stuck  to 
the  horse  ;  thus  causing  the  animal  to  endure  a  thousand  fold  for 
the  sin  of  his  master.  In  vain,  then,  did  he  wag  that  stump  of 
a  naked  tail !  in  vain  halt  to  stamp,  bite,  and  kick  !  in  vain  vi- 
brate his  hide  and  the  tip  of  the  ears,  till  he  seemed  all  over  like 
a  church  full  of  moving  fans  ! — there  stuck  the  flies  !  At  every 
halt,  the  rider  kicked  and  basted  ;  but  never  moved  the  horse 
away  till  convinced  halting,  and  biting,  an.d  kicking  could  not 
dislodge  his  foes,  and  then  he  moved  to  be  sure — but  not  ahead. 
He  did  it  sideways,  till  he  reached  some  tree  or  bush,  along 
which  he  rubbed,  crushing  and  sweeping  off  the  flies  ;  and  often, 
very  much  to  our  inward  delight,  barking  the  skin  from  his  vile 
master's  legs ! 

At  last,  the  flies,  understanding  the  brevity  of  the  tail,  and 
the  defenceless  state  of  the  nag,  attacked  his  quarters,  head  and 
rear,  covering,  but  not  protecting,  his  entire  flanks  !  What 
could  he  do  1  He  reiterated  his  stamp — bite — vibration  ;  he 
sidled  against  trees,  rubbing  and  kicking  ;  and  then,  under  the 
combined  attacks  of  whip,  heels  and  flies,  seizing  the  bit  be- 
tween his  teeth,  he,  on  a  sudden,  darted  away  as  if  borne  on 
wings  himself !  Pencil  of  Hogarth !  paint  that  sight !  Set 
forth  the  trembling  spice-bushes,  divided,  broken,  crushed,  by  a 
tornado  borne  on  horse-heels !  Draw  that  nag  emerging,  ever 
and  anon,  from  thickets  of  thorn  and  briar  ! — a  human  leg,  de- 
spoiled of  leggin,  rising  horizontal,  this  side  now,  now  that,  and 
instinctively,  like  the  scales  of  justice,  keeping  the  equilibrium 
of  a  body  recumbent,  with  head  nodding  and  jerking,  amid  the 
dishevelled  and  raggy  mane  of  a  horse-neck  ! — hands  therein 
clenched !  Depict  the  flocks  of  surviving  flies  hanging  oVer  in 
the  air,  and  waiting  for  the  race  to  end !  And,  oh !  last,  yet 
not  least,  though  so  very  little — oh  !  DO  that  tail ! 


438  THE      NEW    PURCHASE. 

It  had  played  its  part  before ;  now  it  was  worked  with  more 
than  one-horse  power !  It  spun  round  as  on  a  patent  gudgeon  ! 
It  multiplied  itself — now,  a  dozen  tails — now,  no  tail  at  all ! — 
nothing  appearing,  save  a  white  circumference,  a  streak  made 
by  the  bone  where  the  article  had  been  amputated  !  Its  motion 
was  no  longer  to  switch  away  flies ;  it  was  instinctive,  and  to 
steer  by :  yet  whether  it  failed  as  a  helm,  or  steered  as  was  de- 
signed, on  our  galloping  up,  there  was  the  fly-bitten  pony,  wal- 
lowing pig-like  in  a  delicious  stream  of  spring  water ;  and  the 
rider  wading  out  about  ankle-deep,  and  dripping !  And  so  ends 
about  the  tail. 

The  tender-hearted  will  rejoice  to  know,  however,  that  upon 
this  poetical  justice  administered  by  the  horse,  the  master,  now 
a  cold-water  man  and  sobered,  kept  a  whole  wilderness  of  bushes 
about  both ;  and,  that  he  abstained,  that  day  at  least,  from  his 
whiskey-bottle — partly,  I  believe,  though,  because  it  was  broken 
in  the  fall. 

Shortly  after  this  I  left  the  surveyors'  company,  and,  pur- 
suing a  solitary  trace,  reached,  late  in  the  evening,  my  lodging- 
place  ;  where  I  learned  I  had  yet  forty  miles  to  travel  to  reach 
Woodville. 

"  Stranjer,"  said  my  host,  "  it's  a  most  powerful  woody  coun- 
try, and  without  no  road,  nor  even  blind  trace  worth  naming — 
it  being  a  sort  a  kiver'd  with  ole  leaves  ;  and  thar's  no  cabin 
nearer  nor  King's — and  that's  more  nor  fifteen  miles.  How- 
se'er,  I'll  set  you  over  the  river  afore  sun-up — and  if  you  don't 
miss  the  trace,  then  you  kin  git  to  King's  for  breakfast." 

Almost  devoured  by  flies,  and  then  frightfully  flea-bitten  in 
bed,  my  dreams  were  naturally  fantastic ;  and  I  had  visions  of 
howling  wildernesses,  tangled  thickets,  prowling  panthers,  and 
great  swollen,  fiery  serpents.  Woodsmen,  also,  I  knew  had 
been  lost  in  that  unsettled  region  ;  and  even  last  summer  two 
persons  had  wandered  about  three  days.  Yet,  I  longed  to  be 
on  my  journey,  and  to  know  the  worst ;  and,  with  a  hope  my 
case  would  be  different.  Beside,  I  had  a  secret  ambition  to  ap- 
pear well  as  a  woodsman  hi  Domore's  and  Ned's  eyes  ;  and  I 
was  aware  Sylvan  would  even  think  better  of  me,  if  I  crossed 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  439 

such  a  wilderness  alone.  It  was  something  of  a  task  with  such 
men. 

Accordingly,  by  early  dawn  I  was  ferried  over  the  river,  arid 
sat  in  my  saddle,  while  my  host,  standing  in  his  scow,  and  ready 
to  pole  back,  thus  issued  his  final  directions  : 

"  Ride  strate  up-bank  whare  you  be — then  keep  spang  a-head, 
across  the  bottim,  without  no  turn  at  all,  and,  in  a  short  quarter, 
you'll  strike  the  d'sarted  cabin.  It's  burnt  now — but  the  logs 
are  some  on  'em  a-lyin'  in  a  heap — that's  whare  the  poor  squat- 
ter was  murdered  and  skulp'd  in  the  war  time,  by  the  injins. 
Well — arter  you  git  thare,  ride  round  to  the  west  ind  of  the  ole 
clerein,  and  you'll  find  the  trace,  sich  as  it  is,  if  it  aint  kivered — 
and,  if  you  get  once  fair  on  it — I  sort  a  think  you'll  go  safe 
enough  to  King's." 

That  said,  good-bys  were  shouted  ;  while  the  scow  swung 
from  the  shore,  and  my  noble  creature  ascended  the  bank ;  and 
we  began  to  go  ahead  for  the  burnt  cabin.  Some  declination 
was,  indeed,  necessary  to  get  round  unleapable  logs,  impassable 
thickets,  and  the  like;  yet,  prior  to  such  deviations,  having 
placed  myself  in  a  line  with  several  objects  before  and  behind, 
I  easily  regained  my  course,  and,  in  a  short  time  came  to  the 
cabin-ruins.  Here  we  paused  an  instant  to  contemplate  the 
scene — so  like  what  I  had  pictured  in  reading  border-tales ! 
But,  haste  and  anxiety  allowed  only  short  delay,  and  I  rode 
quickly  round  to  the  west  of  the  clearing  ;  where,  after  a  narrow 
search  along  the  edge  of  the  forest  I  discerned  the  only  sem- 
blance of  a  trace  ;  and,  into  this,  dashing  with  trembling  confi- 
dence, I  was  soon  hid  in  the  shades  of  a  true  wilderness. 

However  romantic  such  a  wild  may  be  in  print,  my  thoughts 
in  the  wilderness  itself,  were  all  concentrated  on  one  object — 
the  path.  And  long  time  what  seemed  the  path,  dim  always, 
and  sometimes  obliterated,  as  it  led  fur  away  into  the  gloom  of 
impervious  shades,  now  turning  almost  back  to  skirt  an  impas- 
sable thicket,  now  tumbling  almost  perpendicularly  into  a  deep 
ravine,  and  now  scaling  its  opposite  side,  then  mounting  a  ridge, 
then  circling  a  pond  of  dark  and  dangerous-looking  water,  and 
then  vanishing  for  a  few  moments,  as  of  necessity  it  passed 


440  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

through  patches  of  weeds  and  briars — long  time  this  trace  occu- 
pied all  my  meditations  and  excited  my  intensest  watchings, 
and  kept  me  asking  in  a  mental,  and  often  an  audible  voice — 
"  I  do  wonder  if  this  is  the  way  1"  To  which,  as  nobody  else 
replied,  I  would  answer  myself — "  Well,  I  guess  it  must  be — 
if  this  is  not,  I'm  sure  I  don't  see  any  other  /" 

And  then,  as  though  poor  Kate  shared  my  anxiety,  would  I 
say,  "  Come,  Kate ! — cheer  up  !  you  shall  soon  have  your  break- 
fast— let's  hurry  on  to  King's !"  When,  gayly  tossing  her  fine 
head,  and  shaking  her  flowing  mane,  she  would,  with  her  hoofs, 
redouble  the  echoes ;  and  away,  away,  with  thrilling  hearts,  we 
bounded  onward  and  onward,  and  farther  and  farther  into  the 
solemn  grandeur  of  those  primitive  wilds ! 

In  some  two  hours  the  trace,  owing  to  the  nature  of  the 
ground,  became  better  defined,  and  less  interrupted ;  hence, 
waxing  confident,  we  indulged  in  a  colloquy,  self-congratulatory 
and  maybe  self-laudatory,  thus : 

"  Well,  we're  safe,  after  all,  Kate,  I  do  believe ! — wonder 
what  Ned  will  say  ? — hey  ?" 

To  this  Kate  switched  an  answer  with  her  magnificent  tail, 
and  evinced  increased  eagerness  to  be  going  ahead ;  and  so  with 
a  real  "hurraw!  my  noble  Kate  ! — hurraw  !"  on  my  part,  and 
an  additional  snort  on  hers,  we  were  streaking  on  at  the  rate 
now  of  seven  miles  to  the  hour  !  And  then,  in  about  four 
hours  from  the  burnt  cabin,  we  caught  sight  of  King's  cabin, 
crowning  a  mound  on  the  far  side  of  a  small  stream. 

Advancing  to  bespeak  refreshments,  I  was  met  at  the  door  by 
a  portly  lady,  who  proved  to  be  that  King's  wife  ;  and  though 
no  queen,  was  large  enough  for  two  queen  patterns  of  the  Vic- 
toria-Albert-size. 

"  Is  this  Mr.  King's,  ma'am  T 

"  Well,  I  allow  so ;  but  my  ole  man's  from  home — he's  went 
to  a  rasin  two  miles  off " 

"  You  keep  public,  don't  you,  ma'am  ?" 

"  Well,  I  allow  so ;  but  King's  tuk  the  bakun  with  him  to  the 
rasin " 

"  Ay  1 — can't  I  get  something  for  my  nag  T' 


TUB      NEW      PURCHASE.  441 

"  Well,  I  allow  so ;  jist  go  round  to  yan  crib,  and  git  what 
cawn  you  like." 

This  done,  and  Kate  left  to  enjoy  as  much  "cawn"  as  was 
wholesome,  I  entered  the  cabin  and  our  conversation  was 
renewed. 

"  Well,  but  Mrs.  King,  ain't  you  got  nothing  at  all  a  hungry 
fellow  can  eat  1" 

"  Stranjur — I'm  powerful  sorry — but  we're  teetotally  out — he 
tuk  every  bit  of  food  with  him " 

"  What's  that— up  there  ?" 

"  Law,  bless  you,  stranjur  !  that's  a  piece  of  most  powerful 
rusty  flitch — tain't  fit  for  a  dog  to  eat " 

"  Oh !  ma'am,  let's  have  it — why  I  can  eat  your  dog  himself 
I'm  so  hungry." 

"  Ha  !  ha  ! — well  you  ain't  proud  like  the  Fakilty  big-bugs 
across  thar  at  Wood'ill.  that's  sarten.  How  I  do  wish  King 
hadn't  a  tuk  the  food  !  But  you  ain't  in  arnest  about  the  yaller 
flitch,  are  you  ?" 

"  To  be  sure  ! — clap  on  your  skillet,  Mrs.  King  !" 

"  Well — I  do  sentimentally  wish  it  was  better  like.  Let's 
see,  here's  a  handful  of  meal  in  the  bag  arter  all — and  I'd  a  got 
it  afore,  only  I  allowed  you  was  proud  like.  But  I  see  you're 
none  of  that  'are  sort — 'spose  I  do  the  meal?" 

"  Thank  you,  ma'am  !  I  know  you  would  give  me  the  best 
if  Mr.  King  hadn't  gone  to  the  raising." 

The  skillet  was  soon  hot ;  and  then  received  as  many  slices 
as  could  lie  in  comfort  on  the  bottom.  The  colour  of  the  dainty 
had  been  originally  amber,  the  fat  being  then  semi-transparent, 
as  it  was  mast  fed,  i.  e.,  fed  on  acorns  and  beech  nuts.  Time, 
however,  fatal  to  beauty,  had  incrusted  the  flitch  with  an  oxide 
of  wonderful  thickness  and  peculiar  dirt  colour,  and  turned  its 
lovely  amber  transparency  into  a  decided  and  opaque  yellow. 
Something  of  the  kind  I  had  often  seen  in  cot-days ;  when,  on 
being  importunate  for  buckwheat  cakes  in  the  kitchen,  Betty 
often  threatened  my  face  with  "  the  griddle-greaser !" 

Mrs.  King  had  shaken  her  bag  into  a  large  wooden  bowl  ;  and 
the  deposit  was,  one  pint  of  second  chop  meal,  minus  half  a  gill 
]9* 


442  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

something  else,  and  a  few  horse  hairs ;  for,  bags  in  attending 
mill  are  used  as  saddles  and  pommelled  between  inexpressibles 
and  perspiring  horsebacks.  Water  then  was  poured  into  the 
compound  ;  and  the  lady,  after  handling  the  mixture  without 
gloves,  produced  a  handful  of  good  chicken  feed.  Then  the 
hissing  flitch  being  hastily  turned  into  a  pewter  plate  with  a 
damaged  circumference,  the  feed  was  splashed  in,  like  mortar 
into  chinking,  to  be  converted  into  corn  bread.  This  transmi- 
gration over,  the  bread  was  associated  with  the  flitch  on  the 
cloudy  pewter,  Mrs.  King  remarking  that,  "  her  man  had  tuk 
the  crokry  to  the  rasin  ;"  and  then,  after  wiping  each  thumb  on 
her  woollen  petticoat,  she  invited  me  with  the  formula,  "Well — 
come !  set  up." 

I  was  soon  seated  on  my  rickety  stool  at  the  board,  or  rather 
boards — as  the  table  was  of  two  such  and  a  piece — and  began 
to  flourish  my  blade — the  knife  belonging  to  that  irascible  class 
that  had  flown  off  the  handle — and,  also,  I  began  to  look  for  its 
partner,  the  fork.  But  that  had  flown  off  with  the  handle,  for, 
said  she — "He  tuk  all  thar  knives  and  forks  but  this  poor  bit 
of  a  thing,  arid  that  was  left  'cos  it  had  no  handle  ! — but, 
stranjur,"  continued  she,  "jeest  lend  me  that  a  minit,  and  I'll 
git  you  a  fork." 

Out,  then,  darted  Mrs.  King ;  and  soon  returned  manufactur- 
ing as  she  came  a  fork,  and  saying  thus:  "Thar,  stranjur,  this 
'ere  I  split  off  a  rail,  and  cut  down  a  sort  a  so  to  a  pint,  it'll  do 
for  a  fork  better  nor  your  fingers — albeit,  I'm  powerful  sorry 
for  our  poor  fixirts." 

"  Thank  you,  ma'am !  all  the  same — you've  a  kind  heart ;  and 
that's  meat  and  drink  in  this  world  of  ours,  sometimes" 

Yet  these  and  other  speeches  were  continually  interrupted  by 
the  rapid  ingress  of  lumps  of  flitch  and  balls  of  bread.  I  regret 
to  record,  however,  that  while  I  used  my  fork  to  pin  down  the 
fat  till  its  reduction  to  mouthfuls,  I  was  compelled  to  eat,  like  a 
democrat,  with  my  knife !  I  made,  indeed,  some  amends  to  a 
violated  good-breeding,  by  sopping  my  gravy  with  bread  in  my 
left  hand — like  a  gentleman  eating  fish  and  other  things,  with  a 
leaky  silver  fork.  Singular  !  how  the  extremes  of  refinement 
and  hoosierism  do  meet ! 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  443 


dfrmtnmrir. 

"  Well,  I'm  powerful  rite  down  glad  you  kin  eat  sich  like 
food  !  what  mought  your  name  be — if  it's  no  offence  f 

"  Carlton,  ma'am ;  I  live  in  Woodville — " 

"  Well — that's  what  I  suspish'nd.  Ned  Stanley  was  out  here 
last  winter  a  huntin,  and  I  heerd  him  tell  on  you — as  how  you 
was  a  powerful  clever  feller — albeit  a  leetle  of  a  big-bug.  But 
I'll  take  your  part  arter  this — and  King  shill  too," 

';  Oh !  Mrs.  King,  if  we  were  all  better  acquainted  with  one 
another,  we'd  all  think  better  of  our  friends  and  neighbours. 
But  I  must  be  off — what's  the  damage  ?" 

"  Bless  me !  Mr.  Carltin,  I  don't  take  nothin  for  sich  a  meal ! 
Put  up  that  puss,  if  you  want  to  be  friends — I'm  powerful  sorry 
King's  away — call  here  next  time,  sir,  and  I  allow  you'll  git 
somethin  good  enough  for  a  white  man." 

"  Thank  you !  Mrs.  King,  thank  you.  Well — please  give  me 
directions — I'm  not  much  of  a  woodsman." 

"  Well,  you're  comin  on.  Howsever  you've  kim  the  wust 
ind  of  the  trace,  and  won't  find  no  diffikilty  till  about  fifteen 
miles  on  at  the  next  settlement,  Ike  Chuff's — whare  you  mought 
foller  a  cow  path — and  so  you'd  better  stop  thar  and  axe." 

In  due  time,  and  after  a  hard  ride  of  thirty  miles  from  the 
burnt  cabin,  we  came  in  sight  of  Ike  Chuff's  clearing.  As  the 
trace  ran  plain  and  broad  round  the  fence  and  across  a  small 
ravine,  I  was  unwilling  to  waste  time  with  needless  inquiries, 
and,  therefore,  followed  the  line  of  path  with  undiminished 
confidence. 

The  trace,  indeed,  narrowed — it  once  or  twice  vanished — all 
that  was  no  novelty ;  but  at  last  we  seemed  to  reach  the  van- 
ishing point,  for  now,  after  the  last  vanish,  the  path  never  re- 
appeared !  In  place  of  the  one  however,  were  seen  four  !  and 
those  running  in  as  many  different  directions  and  evidently, 
like  Gay's  road — to  no  places  at  all !  And  so,  for  the  neglect 
of  inquiring.  K/.te  and  I  had  been  judiciously  following  a  cow- 
path! 


444  THE     NEW    PURCHASE. 

"  Why  not  steer  by  the  sun  ?" 

That  is  easy  enough,  my  friend,  in  a  country  where  there  is  a 
sun.  I  had,  indeed,  seen  little  of  that  "  Great  Shine"  all  day ; 
and  for  the  last  two  hours  nothing,  a  rain  having  then  com- 
menced which  lasted  till  our  reaching  Woodville. 

"Whatrfirf  you  do  then?" 

Trusted  to  Kate  to  find  the  way  back  to  Chuff's ; — as  we 
had  hardly  gone  two  miles  astray — and  that  she  did  in  fifteen 
minutes. 

"What  then?" 

You  shall  hear  for  yourself — "Hilloo  !  the  house!" 

«  Well— hilloo !  what's  wantin?" 

"  The  trace  to  Woodville — I  missed  it  just  now." 

"  Sorter  allowed  so,  when  I  seed  you  take  the  cow-path  to 
the  licks—" 

"  Well,  my  friend,  why  didn't  you  hollow  to  me1?" 

"  'Cos  I  allowed  you  mought  a  axed  if  you  ain't  a  woodsman, 
and  if  you  be,  you  know'd  the  way  to  the  licks  as  well  as  me." 

"Thank  you,  sir;  will  you  show  me  now1?" 

"  Take  the  path  tother  ind  of  the  fence." 

Neighbour  Chuff's  settlement  differs,  you  see,  in  suavity 
from  King's.  Still,  the  Hoosier's  direction  was  right;  and  with 
nothing  more  romantic  than  oupfeed  in  the  morning,  we  arrived 
pretty  much  used  up  to  a  late  dinner  in  the  evening  at  Wood- 
ville— having  done  more  than  forty  wilderness  miles  in  about 
twelve  hours !  For  the  whole,  however,  I  was  rewarded,  when 
Dr.  Sylvan  that  night  called  at  our  house  and  said  with  an 
approving  smile: 

"  Pretty  well  done !  pretty  well  done  !  After  this  I  think  we 
may  dubb  you  a  backwoodsman." 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  445 


CHAPTER    LVII. 

"  Ha !  ha !  ha  I    D'ye  think  I  did  not  kno^c  you,  Hal  ?" 

DR.  SYLVAN'S  visit  was  to  announce  the  favourable  reply  of 
Dr.  Bloduplex  to  the  letter  of  the  committee.  But  the  people 
were  in  a  new  tumult ;  and  a  petition  to  the  next  Assembly  was 
circulating  for  signatures,  praying  that  the  Trustees  be  ordered 
to  expel  either  Clarence  or  Harwood,  or  both;  and  that  while 
Bloduplex  should  be  elected  as  President,  the  professors  should 
be  taken  each  out  of  different  sects.  For,  reader,  the  two  exist- 
ing members  of  the  Faculty  were  both  Rats ;  and  Dr.  Bloduplex 
was  of  the  same  denomination !  This,  however,  was  then  the 
natural  result  of  circumstances — that  sect  being  twenty-five 
years  since  preeminent  in  learning,  talent  and  enterprise.  And 
this  I  am  bound  as  a  true  historian  to  declare,  although  Dr. 
Bloduplex  and  myself  do  not  belong  to  the  same  sect! — an 
impartiality  to  be  remembered  to  my  credit  hereafter. 

I  perceive  we  have  thoughtlessly  given  a  clue  to  the  sect 
meant.  For  when  it  is  found  by  the  reader  what  sect  twenty- 
five  years  ago  was  preeminent  in  the  respects  named,  my  secret 
so  nicely  kept  is  out — he  has  discovered  the  Rats !  But  if  such 
sect  cannot  be  found,  then  among  the  fictitious  things  of  this 
book  will,  I  fear,  be  placed  our  worthy  President,  the  Rev. 
Constant  Bloduplex. 

In  this  emergency,  it  occurred,  that  another  petition  in  aid 
apparently  of  the  other,  and  yet  subversive,  by  reducing  its 
principles  to  an  absurdity,  should  be  sent  to  the  Legislature,  as 
the  proper  way  for  "Hoosier  to  fight  Hoosier."  Something 
must  be  done,  because  our  magnates  at  the  Capitol  would  cer- 
tainly essay  something  disastrous  to  the  college.  Hence,  the 
suggestion  meeting  Dr.  Syl van's  approbation,  the  framing  of 


446  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 

said  petition  was-  committed  to  Mr.  Carlton;  when  in  a  few 
days  the  following  able  paper — hem  ! — was  submitted,  cor- 
rected, approved,  and  adopted  by  our  friends : 

"To    the   Honourable   the  Representatives  of in    General  Assembly 

convened  at  Timberopolis,  this  Petition  of  the  People  of  Wooduille  and 
the  New  Purchase  generally,  is  respectfully  submitted : 

"  First,  that  the  existing  Faculty  of  our  College  be  requested 
to  resign  before  the  election  of  a  President,  that  all  denomina- 
tions may  have  a  fair  and  equal  chance  for  places : 

"  Secondly,  that,  there  being  nine  religious  sects  in  our  State, 
and  three  of  philosophers,  viz:  the  Deistical,  the  Atheistical, 
and  the  Fanny-wright-dale-owen-istical — three  members  of 
Faculty  be  annually  elected  out  of  each  and  every  of  these 
twelve  sects  and  bodies — each  set  of  three  to  serve  one  month, 
till  the  year  ends,  and  then  to  recommence  with  other  sets  of 
three,  and  so  on  till  the  end  of  time. 

"Among  many  unanswerable  reasons  for  this  petition,  we 
urge  only  four : 

"1.  It  is  the  true  Anti-federal  Democratical  and  Pure  Repub- 
lican course,  founded  on  rotation  :  for  it  is  useless  to  assert  that 
all  have  a  right  to  become  Professors,  unless  it  can  be  shown 
possible  and  practicable : 

"  2.  It  will  promote  learning :  for,  when  manifest  that  every- 
body, in  turn,  can  be  Professor,  everybody  will  go  to  studying 
to  get  enough  to  last  him  at  least  a  month : 

"  3.  It  is  said,  confidently,  by  some  sectarian  leaders,  that  if 
they  were  in,  their  sects  would  each  send  one  hundred  students 
to  College.  Hence,  all  sects  doing  the  same — as  all  will  when 
one  does — our  College  nourishes  at  once  with  twelve  hundred 
students ! ! 

"  4.  The  amazing  cheapness  of  the  plan.  It  will  cost  nothing, 
except  travelling  expenses  !  Your  petitioners  have  been  repeat- 
edly informed,  that  no  Democratic  Republican  and  patriotic  Citi- 
zen will  charge  a  dollar  for  his  one  month's  professional  services  ! 
— but  that  all  will  serve  for  the  honour !  and  hence  our  Trans- 
montane  Commonwealth  shall  show  to  the  Whole  Admiring 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  447 

World,  the  noble  sight  of  the  Greatest,  Most  Wonderful,  Most 
Powerful  Free  School  System  in  the  Universe  ! ! ! ! 

"This  petition,  and  reasons,  are  respectfully  submitted,  and 
your  petitioners — all,  at  least,  that  acknowledge  a  Supreme 
Being — will  ever  pray,"  etc. 

This  petition  was  copied  by  James  Sylvan,  the  Doctor's 
nephew;  who,  being  a  talented  young  man.  the  paper  was 
generally  attributed  to  him.  When  circulated,  it  soon  had  the 
proper  number  of  signatures — a  few  signing  with  a  full  under- 
standing of  its  nature,  and  not  a  few  believing  it  auxiliary  to 
the  other,  and  already  signed  by  them  !  These  latter  thought, 
if  one  petition  would  do  good,  two  would  do  more. 

Sorry  am  I  to  say,  both  Ned  and  Domore  signed  both 
papers!  Yet,  afterwards,  Ned  insisted,  with  the  most  awful 
"  busts  of  his  rifle !"  that  he  had  signed  the  first  only  to  please 
his  neighbours !  and  then  ours,  to  counteract  the  other's  evil 
tendency  ! !  Ned  had  a  little  of  the  Falstaff  in  him — and  Shak- 
speare  drew  from  life. 

Well,  the  petition  was  forwarded  about  Christmas:  and  a 
waggish  member,  who  affected  to  be  a  very  Adams  in  defence 
of  the  right  of  petition,  contrived  to  present  our  paper  before 
the  appearance  of  its  enemy.  And  the  effect,  they  say,  was  such 
on  the  risibilities  of  our  "grave  and  reverend  seignors,"  that 
William  Cutswell,  Esq.,  who  had  charge  of  the  other  paper,  did 
himself  join  heartily  in  the  laugh — he  always  laughed  if  the 
majority  indulged — and  never  took-  the  true  people's-people's 
petition  from  his  pocket !  In  justice  must  it  be  said,  that,  while 
that  petition  had  been  drawn  up  by  himself  ad  hoosierandum, 
he  was  secretly  glad  to  have  it  defeated.  Still,  he  condoled 
with  the  signers,  by  lamenting  and  condemning  the  "  unhappy 
state  of  indecorum  at  the  time  too  prevalent  in  the  House, 
which  rendered  it  unadvisable  to  submit  grave  and  important 
matters  to  their  consideration !" 


448  THE     NEW     PURCHASE. 


CHAPTER    LVIII. 


"  In  vain,  alas  !  in  vain  ye  gallant  few  I 
From  rank  to  rank  your  vollied  thunder  flew  1" 


never  did  I  hear 


Such  gallant  chiding,  for,  besides  the  groves, 
The  skies,  the  fountains,  every  region  near 
Seem'd  all  one  mutual  cry  I" 

THIS  autumn  was  remarkable  for  wild  pigeons.  The  mast 
had  failed  elsewhere  ;  while  with  us,  the  oak,  the  beech,  and  all 
other  nut-trees,  had  never  borne  more  abundant  crops.  The 
woods,  therefore,  teemed  with  hogs,  squirrels,  and  all  other  nut- 
crackers, that,  like  the  primitive  men  of  poetry,  preferred  this 
acorn-life. 

How  many  swine  were  slaughtered  this  fall,  I  never  learned : 
but,  within  six  weeks,  our  upper  and  lower  regiments  of 
hunters,  and  simply  by  shooting  occasionally  around  their  clear- 
ings, on  counting,  at  the  muster,  their  squirrel  scalps,  found  the 
sum  more  than  thirty  thousand  ! 

As  to  pigeons,  the  first  large  flocks  attracted  no  unusual 
notice  :  and  yet,  were  they  mere  scouting  parties  from  the  grand 
army  !  For,  within  a  week,  that  army  began  to  arrive,  as 
though  flocks  had  never  before  been  seen  !  and  all  the  birds 
under  the  whole  heavens,  had  been  congregated  into  one  com- 
pany !  Had  the  leaves  of  our  trees  all  been  changed  into  birds, 
the  number  could  have  been  no  greater  ! 

With  a  friend,  I  stood  in  an  open  space  in  the  woods,  two 
miles  east  of  Woodville,  from  ten  o'clock,  A.  M.  to  three  o'clock, 
p.  M. — five  hours — during  which,  with  scarcely  thirty  seconds' 
intermission,  a  stream  of  pigeons,  about  two  hundred  yards 
wide,  and  averaging  two  layers,  flowed  above  us,  and  with  the 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  44P 

rapidity  of  thought !  It  was  an  endless  hurricane  on  wings, 
rushing  innoxious,  yet  with  such  an  uproar  as  seemed  to  be 
prostrating  the  forests  :  and  the  deep  reverberating  thunder,  in 
the  distant  wilds,  seemed  to  announce  the  fall  of  their  ponderous 
and  ancient  trees !  Never  had  I  felt  the  awe  and  solemnity  of 
sound  thus  ;  even  in  beholding  the  wind-tempest  pass  over  the 
same  wilds,  bowing  the  submissive  woods,  and  bearing  onward 
their  wide  tops,  as  if  mown  off  with  an  angel's  scythe ! 

It  will  readily  be  thought,  our  hunters  and  sportsmen  were  in 
all  places  firing  "away  at  the  living  torrent :  and  yet  with  but 
small  loss  to  the  pigeons.  Rifles  are  useless  in  firing  at  very 
distant  and  flying  troops ;  and  we  had  not  more  than  a  dozen 
Leather-stockings  in  the  Purchase,  able  to  single  out  and  kill  a 
bird  at  a  time. 

"  Why  not  use  shot-guns  T'  What  a  question  !  "  Well — but 
why  ?"  Why,  first  and  foremost,  that  toy  could  not  be  found 
in  twenty  houses  in  the  whole  Purchase.  Secondly,  our  men 
could  hardly  be  coaxed  to  use  the  thing,  both  out  of  contempt, 
and,  what  may  seem  strange,  out  of  a  little  fear ;  for,  as  Ned 
said,  "  the  spiteful  critter  kick'd  so  powerful."  Beside,  it  is 
unfavourable  to  rifle-shooting  to  acquire  the  dodge  taught  by  a 
shot-gun.  But,  lastly,  the  pigeons  usually  flew  twenty  yards 
above  oftr  trees — and  that  rendered  the  Mantons,  or  any  best 
shot-guns,  as  efficacious  nearly  as — a  quill  and  a  slice  of  potato. 

However,  all  the  shot-guns  and  horse-pistols  were  sought  and 
fixed,  so  feverish  became  the  excitement,  and  since  there  were 
half-cut  backwoodsmen  enough,  and  some  degenerate  natives  to 
use  them.  But  here  was  the  next  difficulty  ;  powder  was 
plenty, — yet,  who  had  shot  1  In  our  store  was  not  a  pound  ; 
and  it  was  the  same  almost  in  the  others.  Still,  a  few  pounds 
were  ferretted  from  lurking  places,  and  readily  sold  at  thirty- 
seven  and  half  cents  for  a  scant  pound: — whence  was  proved,  that 
a  pound  of  lead  in  shot-shape,  is  not  even  as  heavy  as  a  pound 
of  feathers ! — the  air-pump  to  the  contrary  notwithstanding. 

With  immense  persuasion,  Ned  and  Domore  consented  to 
shoot  horse-pistols :  but  they  both  utterly  refused  to  fire  off 
"  store-shot."  And,  like  some  others,  they  hammered  bullets 


450  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

into  bars ;  which  were  then  cut  into  cubes  and  triangles,  this 
being  "  a  sort  a  shootin  bullets,  and  no  inkuridjment  to  store- 
keepers to  bring  out  their  baby  shot !" 

In  justice  to  my  own  manhood,  it  must  be  told,  I  stooped  not 
to  the  shot  concern  till  after  several  days'  failure  in  hitting  with 
my  rifle,  a  single  bird,  at  one  hundred  and  forty  yards,  and 
moving  as  near  like  "  the  greased  lightning"  as  possible :  nor 
then,  before  the  following  accident  showed  there  may  be  danger 
in  firing  a  rifle  as  well  as  a  shot-gun.  Satisfied  that  the  rifle 
must  be  fired  now  by  the  doctrine  of  chances,  and  not  of  "  the 
sights  ;"  and  that  the  chance,  with  one  bullet  was  a  "  slim  chance," 
it  seemed  better  to  multiply  chances,  and  load  with  two  balls 
instead  of  one.  And  yet  the  spaces  between  the  flying  birds 
were  as  plentiful  as  birds;  and,  into  these  spaces  the  two  balls 
chanced  to  go  when  they  parted  company,  or,  if  they  stuck  to- 
gether, it  was,  after  all,  but  one  chance.  Therefore,  we  at  last 
ventured  on  patching  the  balls  separately  ;  and  then,  indeed,  the 
effect  was  considerably  different ;  not,  however,  upon  the 
pigeons,  but  at  my  end  of  the  gun  :  for,  at  the  flash,  I  was  sud- 
denly driven  partly  around,  and  with  a  tingling  in  the  fingers 
supporting  the  barrel,  while  about  me,  for  several  yards,  lay  the 
silver  mounting  and  ornaments  of  my  rifle ! 

"  What  was  the  matter  T 

The  piece  had  burst ;  and  the  stock  was  shattered  up  to  the  spot 
sustained  by  my  left  hand  !  and,  yet,  had  I  received  no  mate- 
rial injury  !  On  the  same  day,  and  from  the  same  cause — air 
intercepted  between  the  patched  balls — another  rifle  burst ;  and, 
although  the  owner  remained  with  its  butt  only  in  his  hand,  he 
too  was  unharmed  midst  the  scattered  fragments  of  wood  and 
iron.  Ned's  remark  about  the  accidents,  was  paradoxical,  for  he 
"  Bust  his  rifle,  if  he  allowed  a  rifle  would  a-busted  no  how  !" 

After  this.  I  descended  to  the  shot-gun.  But,  while  I  took  my 
station  in  the  opening  already  named,  and,  furnished  with  two 
and  a  half  theoretic  pounds  of  different  sized  shot,  fired  away  till 
all  was  expended,  I  was  rewarded  with  only  two  pigeons — these 
being  from  a  small  cloud  that,  by  some  accident,  flew  a  few 
yards  below  the  tree-tops,  and  being  both  killed  at  one  fire. 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  451 

One  evening,  shortly  after  sunset,  Ned  Stanley  brought  a  re- 
port into  the  village,  that  the  pigeons  were  forming  an  encamp- 
ment for  the  night  somewhere  to  the  south-east.  And,  not  long 
after,  this  was  confirmed  by  Domore,  who  had  surprised  an 
out-post,  nestling  in  the  woods  within  a  mile  and  a  half  of  Wood- 
ville. 

Had  a  scout  brought  intelligence  of  a  hostile  Indian  band,  our 
town  could  not  have  been  more  effectually  roused  and  speedily 
armed.  And  now,  verily,  shot-guns  and  shot  rose  a  thousand 
per  cent. — like  caterpillars'  eggs  in  the  mulberry  fever :  and 
every  where  some  body  met  any  body  and  every  body,  legs  and 
all,  full  tilt  in  search  of  the  article  !  Turkeys,  sang,  coon-skins, 
venVn-hams,  and  even  cash — hoarded  to  buy  land  ! — were  of- 
fered for  guns,  pistols,  and  shot ! — and,  all  round,  could  be  seen 
and  heard  men  and  boys  hammering,  rolling,  and  cutting  shot ! 
Indeed,  many  intended  to  fire  this  extemporaneous  shot  out  of 
— rifles  !  And  when  hunters,  or  even  semi-hunters,  can  so  de- 
mean these — the  temptation  and  excitement  must  be  prodigious ! 

Some  could  not  procure  even  rifles ;  and  these  persons,  by  the 
aid  of  Vulcanus  Allheart  and  his  boys,  had  old  pistol  and  gun- 
barrels  hastily  mounted  on  rude  stocks,  to  be  fired  in  partner- 
ship, one  holding  the  matchlock,  and  the  other  "  touching  her 
off"  with  an  ignited  stick  or  cigar. 

"What  was  all  this  stir  about?"  Why,  for  a  night  attack 
on  the  Grand  Roosting  Encampment !  For,  since  the  Purchase 
became  a  purchase,  never,  in  the  memory  of  our  oldest  and 
most  respectable  squatters,  had  such  an  occurrence  happened, 
as  for  the  pigeons  to  roost  so  near  Woodville !  Now,  some 
had  read  in  Ornithology,  and  others  had  been  told  by  people 
from  Kentucky — oh !  such  wonders  about  roosts  and  encamp- 
ments !  how  pigeons  covered  all  the  branches  !  and  then  perched 
on  one  another,  till  the  trees  became  living  pyramids  of  feathers ! 
And  how,  then,  all  tumbled  down  and  killed  themselves,  till 
the  ground  was  covered  with  dead  pigeons,  oh  !  as  much  as 
two  feet ! — like  quails  round  the  Israelitish  camp  !  Yes  !  and 
the  pigeons  slept  so  sound,  and  were  so  averse  to  flying  in  the 
dark,  that  you  could  walk  up  and  gather  birds  from  trees  like 


452  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

wild-plums  in  a  prairie  !  Yes,  indeed,  and  that  the  farmers  used 
to  camp  near  a  roost,  with  droves  of  hogs;  which — after  the 
farmers  had  barrelled  up  enough  birds  for  winter — were  driven 
in  every  morning  to  be  fattened  on  dead  pigeons ! 

"  Did  you  believe  all  that,  Mr.  Carlton  ?" 

Well — I  was  but  mortal — beside,  every  body  said  it  would 
be  such  a  most  mighty  powerful  smart  chance  to  get  such  a 
heap  of  pigeons !  I  did  not,  indeed,  go  as  far  as  some  ;  for  I 
never  expected  to  find  them  two  feet  high,  already  dead,  and, 
maybe,  picked  and  ready  for  the  skillet.  Besides,  I  wanted  to 
go,  and  "  who  knows,"  says  I  to  myself,  "  if  there  mightn't  be 
some  truth  in  the  account  after  all."  Hence,  after  five  minutes 
cogitation,  I  hurried  down  after  Clarence  and  Harwood — but, 
mark  it,  reader,  T  was  met  by  those  learned  gentlemen,  hastening 
up  to  Carl  ton's  store,  to  consult  on  the  same  subject !  For  these 
persons,  living  in  the  edge  of  the  forest,  knew  well  enough  that 
the  pigeons  were  camping,  from  the  thunderings,  like  the  deep 
and  solemn  mutter  of  an  earthquake — although  the  nearest  point 
of  the  camp  proved  nearly  three  miles  distant — and  hence, 
quite  as  excited  and  credulous  as  we  small  fry,  they  were  post- 
ing up  town  to  join  a  party  : 

"  Which  way  1  Which  way  ?  neighbours  !" 

"  Coming  up  to  your  store — are  you  going  down  to  College  ?" 

"  I  was — did  you  hear  what  Domore  and  Ned  say  ?" 

"  No — but,  hark  !   don't  you  hear  them  1" 

"  What ! — is  that  the  pigeons  f 

"  To  be  sure  ! — Carlton,  won't  you  go  ?" 

"  That's  what  I  was  coming  down  for " 

"  That's  your  sort — agreed.     Going  to  take  a  gun  ?" 

"  No — guess  not :  all  Woodville  is  out  with  guns — pistols — 
rifles — match-locks — and  big  keys,  with  touch-holes  filed  in — 
let's  only  take  things  to  carry  back  birds  in." 

"  Agreed — they  say  you  can  pick  a  barrel  under  a  tree — 
what  shall  we  take  ?" 

"  Bags  r 

"  Yes — and  a  long  string  to  tie  them  by  the  legs,  and  carry 
back  on  a  pole !" 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  453 

"  Ready  now,  Carlton  ?" 

"  Yes — yes — yes  !  let's  keep  on." 

"  Well,  stop  at  my  house,"  said  Clarence,  "  and  there  we'll 
fix  a  bag  and  some  twine,  and  so  lose  no  time." 

All  was  done  quick  as  a  squirrel's  jump.  Then  guided  by 
the  sound,  we  put  out,  regardless  of  a  course,  and  unable  to  dis- 
cern objects  dubious  in  the  dim  light  of  a  waning  moon,  and 
partly  obscured  by  clouds.  We  were  in  Indian  file, — now 
trotting,  now  running,  and  occasionally  walking — here  stumbling 
over  logs — there  scrambling  up  and  down  gullies — then  diving 
into  sink-holes — then  ripping  through  briar  swamps  !  The  con- 
versation was  monosyllabic  and  suggestive,  performed  with  no 
little  blowing  and  palpitation,  and  broken  abruptly  by  exclama- 
tion, thus  : — 

"Hark!" 

"Ye-e-s!" 

"  Like— ooh  !— thun-der !— hey  !" 

"Ve-ry!     Got— bag]" 

"  Ooh  ! — yes  !     You — ooh ! — got — string  f 

"  Oho  !  ouch  A — no  !  he's  got  it — ooh  !" 

"What  now1?  oho!  ouch! — bad  briars  here !"  etc.,  etc. 

In  about  two  miles,  even  this  laconic  dialect  was  difficult  to 
use,  being  lost  in  the  roar  of  pigeon-thunder — mingling  with 
which  was  heard,  however,  the  artillery,  the  outcries  and  shouts 
of  our  gallant  village  troops! 

"  Yes !  hark  ! — they're  pelting  away  !  Come  !  come  on  ! 
Get  that  bag  ready — pull  out  those  strings — hurraw  /" 

And  yet  it  was  curious — we  had  come  to  no  outposts  ! — had 
caught  no  drowsy  sentinel  pigeons  on  their  roosts  !  What  on 
earth  made  the  thunder  so  late  at  night1?  How  could  pigeons, 
packed  on  one  another,  and  with  heads  comfortably  stuck  under 
wings,  keep  up  such  an  awful  noise  ?  Was  it  snoring  1  Ay  ! 
maybe  it  was  the  noise  of  pigeons  tumbling  down,  and  trees 
breaking 

Hark  !  a  storm  rushes  this  way  !  How  sudden  the  moon  is 
hid !  Is  that  a  cloud  1  Yes,  reader,  it  was  a  storm — but  of 
pigeons  rushing  on  countless  wings !  It  was  a  cloud — but  of 


454  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

careering  and  feathered  squadrons !  The  moon  was  hid — and 
by  a  world  of  startled  birds  ! 

In  vain  our  search  that  night  for  pigeon  bearing  trees  !  In 
vain  our  bag  and  three  strings  !  We  might  nave  filled  a  bolster 
with  feathers ;  but  no  bird  living  or  dead  burdened  either  our 
sack  or  lines  !  The  myriad  hosts  for  miles  and  miles  were  on 
their  wings  !  and  guns  were  flashing  away  in  hopeless  vengeance 
and  idle  wrath  !  Neither  shot  nor  ball  could  reach  that  world 
of  wild  fowl  safe  mid  the  free  air  of  Heaven !  Pitiful  our  bag 
and  string! — pitiful  our  very  selves !  and  all  Woodville  gazing 
from  the  dark  depths  of  the  woods  upward  on  that  boundless 
canopy  of  sounding,  black,  and  rushing  pinions ! 

To  remain  was  worse  than  useless — it  was  hazardous  ;  at 
every  flash  of  gunpowder,  showers  of  shot  foreign  and  domestic 
fell  like  hail  on  the  leaves  around  us — and  we  fancied  rifles 
cracked  as  if  speeding  balls,  and  that  we  heard  the  peculiar 
whistling  of  their  death  dealing  music  !  And  we  turned  to  go 
home.  But  the  way  thither  had  now  become  a  question.  That 
we  were  about  three  miles  distant  was  probable ;  yet  after 
turnings  and  windings  in  the  dark,  our  puzzle*  was  no  wonder. 
Besides  the  moon,  as  if  unable  to  penetrate  the  clouds  of  wings, 
had  never  re-appeared ;  and  clouds  of  another  kind  had  suc- 
ceeded, whence  heavy  and  frequent  rain- drops  now  pattered  on 
us! 

At  last  we  decided  our  course  by  instinct;  in  which  we 
satisfactorily  learned  that  human  instinct  is  inferior  to  brute  : 
for  after  a  trot  of  ten  minutes,  sudden  torchlights  crossed 
our  way  at  right  angles,  and  a  voice  from  one  carrier  thus 
hailed 

"  Hilloa !  whar're  you  a  travellin  ?" 

"To  Woodville— who's  that?" 

"  To  Woodville ! — bust  my  rifle  if  you  ain't  a  going  a  power- 
ful strate  course  on  it — " 

"  Why  Ned,  is  that  you  ?" 

"  That's  the  very  feller ;  why  Mr.  Carltin  if  you  keep  that 
course,  you'll  reach  the  licks  about  sun-up  ! — why  this  here's 
the  way — foller  our  trail." 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  455 

"  Ha  !  ha  !  Ned,  I  thought  I  was  a  better  woodsman — keep 
a-head,  we'll  follow." 

"  Well,  you're  puttee  smart  in  the  day-light,  Mr.  Carltin — 
but  it's  raytlmr  more  hardish  to  strike  the  course  of  a  dark 
night." 

"  Where's  Domore,  Ned  T' 

"  Foller'd  arter  the pigins " 

"  Don't  swear,  Ned ;  the  preacher's  here.     Did  you  get  any  V 

"  Git  any  !  Nobody  didn't  git  none.  Bust  my  rifle  if  this 
aint  a  judgmint  on  the  settlemint  for  firing  shot-guns  and  shot 
out  o'  rifles  !" 

"  I  think  myself,  Ned,  shot-guns  had  something  to  do  in  scar- 
ing the  birds  so.  But  how  far  yet  to  Woodville  ?" 

"  Well,  I  can't  jist  about  say  sartinly — it  taint  more  nor  four 
miles  no  how — 'spose  we  a  sorter  stop  talking — it  hinders 
runnin ;  and  here  goes  for  a  fresh  start." 

And  start  fresh  did  Ned  and  his  party,  and  at  a  rate  ex- 
tremly  prejudicial  to  easy  conversation,  and  giving  us  genteel 
folks  work  enough  to  keep  in  sight  of  the  torches.  In  little 
more  than  an  hour,  however,  we  stood  in  the  edge  of  the  clear- 
ings ;  when  our  course  being  pointed  out  by  Ned,  the  parties 
separated,  and  I  went  with  Harwood  and  Clarence  to  take  sup- 
per at  the  house  of  the  latter — a  supper  ready  to  greet  our  ar- 
rival with  a  bag  and  string  of  pigeons  t 


I  acknowledge  it — this  is  a  very  tame  and  spiritless  end  of  our 
pigeon-tale — a  very  bad  dove-tailing !  Yet  is  it  as  natural  as 
our  flat  and  unprofitable  feelings,  when  we  sat  down  about 
twelve  o'clock  that  night  at  Clarence's  to  an  overdone,  burned- 
up,  tasteless  supper — our  poetry  and  romance  all  flown  away 
with  the  pigeons,  and  washed  out  by  the  rain  !  However,  we 
may  add,  that  many  followed  the  pigeons  all  night ;  and  once 
or  twice  small  flocks  were  found  settled  on  trees,  where  about 
one  hundred  in  all  were  killed — but  the  grand  body  was  never 
overtaken.  It  continued,  perhaps,  on  the  wing  till  a  favourite 
roosting-place,  some  hundred  miles  south,  was  reached,  that  be- 


456  THE     NEW    PURCHASE. 

ing  their  direction.  Domore  got  back  at  eight  o'clock  next 
morning,  having  done  twenty-five  miles,  and  obtained  twenty- 
two  pigeons,  with  his  hand,  however,  much  injured  by  the  recoil 
or  bursting  of  his  horse-pistol.  Hence  shot-guns  were  in  worse 
odour  than  ever,  and  no  light  curses  heaped  on  "  all  sich  spite- 
ful bird-skerers  and  them  what  made  and  shot  em !" 

Domore,  indeed,  soon  recovered  :  when  his  first  rifle-shot 
afterward  was  so  melancholy  in  its  consequence,  as  to  make 
him  abstain  from  his  favourite  weapon  and  hunting  for  many 
months.  With  that  account  we  conclude  this  chapter. 

He  went  out  several  hours  before  daybreak,  and  lay  in  wait 
at  a  salt-lick  for  a  deer.  Here  he  waited  patiently  till  the 
dawn ;  and  then,  opposite  his  station  his  keen  eyes  discovered, 
in  the  bushes,  the  cautious  approach  of  an  animal,  and  soon  he 
caught  a  glimpse  of  its  body.  To  flash  his  eye  through  the 
sights  and  to  touch  the  trigger  was  instinctive — and  then  came 
the  cry,  not  of  a  wounded  deer  or  bear,  but  of  human  agony ! 
Domore  flew  to  the  spot ;  and  what  was  his  horror  there  to  see 
bleeding  on  the  ground,  and  apparently  dying,  poor  Jesse 
Hardy,  his  intimate  friend,  and  the  honest  fellow  who  had  been 
with  us  in  the  cave  ! 

He,  too,  had  come  to  watch  the  lick ;  and  had  Domore  been 
later  than  Hardy,  their  fates,  perhaps,  had  been  reversed  !  Gene- 
rally great  precaution  is  employed  by  our  hunters  to  prevent 
such  mishaps,  yet  sometimes  with  all,  they  do  occur.  Happily 
in  the  present  case,  the  wound,  though  severe,  was  not  mortal) 
and  Hardy  in  a  few  minutes  so  recovered  as  to  speak  ;  when 
Domore,  after  doing  what  seemed  proper,  left  his  friend  for  fif- 
teen minutes,  and  then  was  again  on  the  spot  with  the  assistance 
of  a  neighbouring  family.  The  wounded  man  was  carefully  re- 
moved to  the  cabin  ;  and  Domore  mounting  a  horse,  darted 
away  full  speed  for  Dr.  Sylvan.  The  doctor  came  ;  and  being 
a  skilful  surgeon,  as  he  had  in  that  capacity  served  in  the  war  a 
regiment  of  mounted  riflemen,  he  used  the  best  means  of  cure ; 
and  in  two  months,  by  the  divine  favour,  poor  Jesse  was  able  to 
return  to  his  domestic  duties.  During  this  confinement  Domore 
did  all  he  could  for  his  friend,  and  also  for  the  widow-mother, 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  457 

supplying  as  far  as  possible  the  place  of  a  son ;  and  although 
after  Jesse  recovered,  Domore  hunted  again  with  his  rifle,  he 
never  again,  while  we  were  in  the  Purchase,  went  out  to  watch 
a  lick. 


CHAPTER    LIX. 

"Like  other  tyrants  death  delights  to  smite 
What,  smitten,  most  proclaims  the  pride  of  power 
And  arbitrary  nod.    His  joy  supreme 
To  bid  the  wretch  survive  the  fortunate ; 
The  feeble  wrap  the  athletic  in  his  shroud, 
And  weeping  fathers  build  their  children's  tomb." 

SCARCELY  had  the  gloom  from  the  late  melancholy  occurrence 
been  dispelled,  before  our  settlements  were  trembling  at  reports 
of  a  coming,  resistless,  unpitying,  destructive  foe — the  Asiatic 
Cholera! 

Innumerable  were  our  schemes  to  turn  aside,  evade,  or  coun- 
teract, this  fell  disease ;  and  all  fear  of  other  sickness  and  death 
was  absorbed  in  fear  of  this  !  As  if  God  had  only  one  minis- 
ter of  vengeance,  or  of  chastisement !  As  if  He  was  to  be 
dreaded  in  the  thunder  and  tempest,  and  forgotten  in  the  calm- 
ness and  sunshine  !  Indeed,  that  only  dreaded  death  then  came 
not ; — God  sent  another  messenger  of  terror  and  of  mercy — 
The  Scarlet  Fever ! 

This  disease  appeared  first,  and  without  apparent  cause,  in 
the  family  of  Dr.  Sylvan.  Thence,  in  a  few  weeks,  it  spread, 
carrying  death  and  mourning  into  most  of  our  habitations.  It 
followed  no  known  law,  sometimes  yielding,  and  then  refusing 
to  yield  to  the  same  treatment,  and  in  the  same  as  well  as  dif- 
ferent families :  and  often  in  other  places  resisting  the  estab- 
lished, or  different,  or  even  opposite  treatment,  and  sweeping 
all  into  the  grave !  The  cholera  then  had  no  alarms !  The 
King  of  Terrors  was  among  us  in  forms  as  frightful  and  de- 
structive ! 

Then  was  it,  dear  one !  after  days  and  nights  of  ceaseless  and 
20 


458  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

anxious  watchings,  and  after  fitful  alternations  of  hope  and  fear, 
we  saw  those  eyes,  so  soft,  and  yet  so  brilliant,  suddenly  and 
strangely  quenched — as  though  life  had  retreated  thither  to  a 
last  refuge,  and  death,  having  long  before  triumphed  over  thy 
dear,  dear  form,  did  there,  as  a  last  act,  put  out  that  most 
precious  light ! 

******* 

What  didst  thou  mean  by  those  mysterious  words  in  the 
dying  strife  ? — "  Father  !  father  !  how  tired  I  am  !"  Was  it  so 
hard  to  die  ? —  *  *  Didst  thou  hear,  in  answer,  the.  wailings 
of  bitterest  anguish  1 — or  feel  on  thy  cold  cheek  the  last  kisses — 
while  tears  wet  that  face,  changing  and  passing  for  ever  ?  *  *  * 
Sleep,  dear  babe  !  in  thy  bed  under  the  forest-leaves,  amid  those 
lone  graves — we  shall  meet,  and,  never  to  part — no  !  never  ! 
*  *  *  *  *  *  * 

Clarence  had  buried  two  children  in  the  far  east :  he  was  now 
called  to  lay  another  in  the  far  west.  That  Sabbath  morning 
can  never  be  forgot !  Among  others,  who  suffered  most,  was 
our  "fellow-citizen,  Mr.  Harlen.  His  four  children  were  all  deaf 
mutes.  Two  of  these  had  died  in  succession,  at  an  interval  of' 
eight  days :  and,  when  the  second  lay  in  its  little  coffin,  in  front 
of  the  pulpit  in  the  Methodist  chapel,  the  third,  a  fine  boy,  nine 
years  old,  distressed  at  some  supposed  error,  stole  from  his 
weeping  parents  in  the  church,  and,  advancing  to  the  coffin  of 
his  dead  brother,  placed  the  bier  as  to  him  seemed  suitable  and 
decorous  !  Poor  darling  one !  on  the  next  Sabbath  he  lay  in 
his  own  coffin  on  that  same  bier,  and  before  that  same  pulpit ! 
And  another  coffin,  and  another  bier,  were  there — and  the  chief 
mourner  was  Clarence  !  The  heartbroken  parents  of  the  mutes 
— ay  !  mute,  indeed,  now ! — had  entreated  him  to  pray  for 
themselves,  if  possible,  that  day  in  public  !  He  did  so.  And 
over  the  coffins  of  their  dead  children,  he  spoke  to  others  and 
himself  too,  words  of  consolation  ;  and  offered  prayer  to  Him 
that  can,  and  did  bind  up  the  broken  in  heart,  and  raise  up  them 
that  were  bowed  down  ! 

Mournful  train  !     The  vision  is  before  me  ever — as  it  emerges 
from  the  house  of  God  !     It  slowly  ascends  the  hill ! — the  two 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  459 

coffins  ! — the  two  stricken  households !  The  train  is  entering 
the  Forest  Sanctuary !  They  are  separating,  some  to  lay  the 
deaf  one  with  his  kin — some  to  see  the  stranger  lay  his  babe 

near  my  buried  one  ! 

*  *  *  *  *  * 

******* 

Reader !  I  now  write  many  things  in  playfulness — none 

in  malice — yet,  years  of  my  life  passed,  when  sadness  only  was 
in  my  heart ;  and  words  and  thoughts  of  pleasantness  were  im- 
possible !  Ay  !  the  gloom  of  hell,  if  not  its  despair,  possessed 
my  soul !  But,  I  have  found  religion  not  inconsistent  with  great 
and  habitual  cheerfulness.  Nay,  thoughts  of  death,  judgment, 
and  eternity,  may  be  ever  present,  and  ever  dominant  in  a 
mind  taught  by  many  sorrows  to  make  light  of  the  things  of 
time  and  sense  ! 

How  do  these  solemn  words  and  things  sort  with  thy  cheer- 
fulness ?  For,  remember,  by  the  agreement  or  disagreement, 
your  character  is :  and  that  thine  most  certainly,  as  mine,  are — 
Death — Judgment — Eternity  ! 


CHAPTER  LX. 

SEVENTH  TEAR. 

"  Til  give  thrice  so  ranch  land 
To  any  well-deserved  friend : 
But  in  the  way  of  bargain,  mark  ye  me, 
I'll  cavil  on  the  ninth  part  of  a  hair." 
******* 
"  Now,  my  co-mates,  and  brothers  in  exile, 
Hath  not  old  custom  made  this  life  more  sweet 
Than  that  of  painted  pomp  ?" 

CHEER  up ! — reader ! — after  the  Barbecue,  at  Guzzleton,  we'll 
soon  be  out  of  the  wood. 

Before  his  marriage,  John  Glenville  had  located  on  the  river ; 
where,  being  part  owner  of  a  tract  of  land,  it  was  determined  to 
make  the  village  of  Guzzleton.  And  of  all  places  in  the  world 


460  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

this  was  a — place.  It  abounded  in  wood  and  water,  and  was 
convenient  to  the  river,  or — could  be  so;  the  county  road 
went  within  half  a  mile,  and  if  desired  would,  no  doubt,  come 
right  through  the  town ;  and  there  might  be  rail-roads  and 
canals  across  it,  in  every  direction.  Nay,  all  the  advantages  of 
Paperville  itself  would  in  due  time  concentrate  in  Guzzleton ! 
Yea,  it  would  eclipse  Woodville!  Indeed  if  some  folks  did  not 
look  sharp,  the  Legislature  would  remove  to  Guzzleton  the  State 
Collegej  or  at  least  create  there  a  branch  College! 

Hence,  in  the  tremendous  excitement,  lots  at  the  first  sale, 
were  bid  off  at  fine  prices,  to  be  paid  afterwards ;  and  then  the 
settlers  began  to  pour  in  and  build  !  But  after  Glenville's  own 
dwelling  and  store-house,  Tom  Beecher's  tannery,  and  two 
cabins,  one  for  a  cobler  and  the  other  for  a  tailor,  had  been 
erected,  the  rage  for  improvement  ceased ;  and  as  yet  the  place 
was  only  Little  Guzzleton ! 

The  Patroons,  however,  thought  if  a  Fourth  of  July  could  be 
got  up.  and  the  place  become  a  centre  for  stump-speeching, 
electioneering,  horse-jockeying  and  other  democratical  excel- 
lences, a  fresh  start  would  be  given  to  its  growth,  and  the  town 
become  Great  Guzzleton.  Hence  this  summer,  on  the  Fourth, 
was  to  be  there  a  grand  Barbecue,  with  the  reading  of  the  De- 
claration of  Independence,  and  great  speeches  from  Kobert 
Carlton  of  Woodville,  and  other  fellow-citizens ! 

On  the  third  of  July,  Harwood  and  myself  went  over  to  in- 
dulge in  a  prefatory  "  cut  up"  with  Glenville,  and  to  witness  the 
arrangements  for  the  Barbecue.  And  as  such  an  affair  may  be 
novel  to  some,  we  shall  confine  ourselves  to  that ;  taking  for 
granted  most  have  once  or  twice  heard  the  Declaration  and  also 
the  patriotic  orations  of  the  season. 

The  spot  for  the  Barbecue  was  an  enchanting  plateau  below 
the  cliff  on  which  Guzzleton  stood,  and  yet  sufficiently  above  the 
river,  to  be  considered  table  land.  It  was  about  one  hundred 
yards  long  by  fifty  yards  wide,  and  covered  with  fine  luxuriant 
grass,  usually  cropped  by  cows  and  horses,  but  now  smoothly 
and  evenly  mown  with  scythes.  The  hackberry,  the  buckeye, 
the  sycamore,  and  other  trees,  less  abundant  than  elsewhere, 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  461 

were,  yet,  plentiful  enough  for  ornament  and  shade;  and  this 
had  led  to  the  selection. 

Near  the  centre  of  this  sylvan  saloon  was  the  table.  This 
was  eminent  for  strength  more  than  elegance;  but  still  for  the 
place,  the  occasion,  and  the  company,  was  the  very  table. 
Cabinet  work  would  have  sorted  poorly  with  the  wildness. 
The  table  was  one  hundred  and  fifty  feet  long ;  and  consisted 
of  two-inch  planks  in  double  layers,  resting  every  ten  feet  on 
horizontal  pieces  of  saplings ;  which  in  turn  were  supported  by 
strong  forked  saplings  planted  several  feet  in  the  earth.  Neither 
nail  of  iron,  nor  peg  of  wood,  confined  the  planks — they  reposed 
by  their  own  gravity.  Yet  an  unphilosophical  arrangement  of 
fixins,  or  an  undue  resting  of  plebeian  arms  and  elbows  did,  now 
and  then,  disturb  the  gravity  of  the  table  in  places;  and  that 
disturbing  the  gravy  upset  also  the  gravity  of  the  company — 
specially  the  ungreased  portion. 

Seats  differed  from  the  table  in  being  lower  and  not  so  wide. 
They  ran  pretty  near  parallel  with  its  sides ;  and  were  low 
enough,  that  our  mouths  be  as  near  the  food  as  possible — so 
that  if  the  legs  were  judiciously  disposed  under  the  table,  and 
the  head  properly  inclined  above,  the  contents  of  one's  plate 
could  be  shovelled  into  the  masticating  aperture  with  amazing 
dexterity  and  grace. 

On  each  side  of  the  table,  ten  feet  distant  and  at  intervals  of 
five  feet,  were  planted  in  the  earth  small  trees  with  all  their 
green  and  branching  tops;  and  these  tops  forced  together  and 
tied  with  bark-twines  over  the  table,  formed  a  romantic  arcade 
seemingly  of  living  trees  evoked  by  the  wand  of  enchantment  to 
adorn  and  shade ! 

Far  as  possible  from  the  arcade,  was  the  place  of  the  Barbecue 
Proper.  And  that  was  a  truly  gigantic  affair !  It  was  no  con- 
temptible smoke-jack,  steam-spit,  rotary-stove  contraption  to 
cook  a  morsel  of  meat  and  a  half  a  peck  of  potatoes  with  an 
apron  of  chips !  or  two  hands  full  of  saw-dust !  or  a  quart  of 
charcoal !  It  contemplated  no  fricasee  for  two  or  three  guests 
beside  the  family!  No!  no!  it  was  to  do  whole  pigs!  whole 
sheep !  whole  calves !  whole  turkeys !  whole  chickens !  and 


462 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 


for  a  whole  settlement — and  all  other  settlements  invited  as 
guests  ! 

A  trench  was  cut  in  the  ground  some  twenty  feet  long,  four 
wide  and  three  deep  !  And  that  trench  was  full  of  logs  lying  on 
brushwood,  all  to  be  set  on  fire  that  night,  that  a  mine  of  living 
coals  be  ready  for  the  morning's  cookery  !  On  the  Fourth, 
about  day-light,  fresh  logs  and  brush  were  added ;  and  thus  in 
due  time  this  whole  kitchen  was  a  glowing  and  burning  mass! 

Strips  of  nice  white  hickory  were,  at  cooking  time,  laid  at  in- 
tervals across  the  fiery  trench  ;  their  ends  resting  on  stones  or 
green  logs  along  the  edges  of  the  range,  and  thus  constituting  a 
clean,  simple,  and  most  gigantic  wooden  gridiron.  And  then  the 
beasts  and  birds,  properly  cleaned,  skewered,  peppered,  salted 
and  so  on,  were  all  and  at  once,  spread  out  whole  over  the 
mammoth  hickory  iron;  each  creature  being  divided  longi- 
tudinally on  its  bosom  side !  And  each  was  kept  spread  out  by 
hickory  pieces  or  stretchers,  and  seasonably  turned  by  two  men, 
on  opposite  sides,  with  long  hickory  forks  and  pokers  !  Never 
such  a  cooking !  Tt  seemed  as  all  the  edible  creatures  of  the 
Purchase  had  taken  an  odd  fit  to  come  and  be  barbecued  for  the 
mere  fun  of  it ! 

Nor  was  this  wholesale  barbecuing  deemed  sufficient !  During 
the  evening  of  the  third,  and  early  on  the  fourth,  backwoods- 
women  were  hourly  arriving  with  boiled  hams,  loaves  of  wheat, 
pones,  pies,  tarts,  sorrel-pies,  Irish  potato-pies — and  things  un- 
known to  fashionable  gourmands  and  confectioners ; — also,  meal 
in  bags,  and  ba^vets,  till  provisions  were  piled  in  kitchen,  and 
arbours,  and  carts  like — oh  !  like — everything ! 

Our  Fourth  was  ushered  by  the  roar  of  Hoosier  artillery — 
log-guns  done  by  boring  solid  trunks  with  a  two-inch  auger. 
These  filled  with  powder,  and  stopped  with  a  wooden  plug,  were 
fired  by  means  of  an  enormous  squib,  or  slow  match  ;  and  made 
a  very  reasonable  noise  considering  they  could  rarely  be  fired 
more  than  once,  being  wonderfully  addicted  to  bursting !  The 
day  itself  was  bright  and  cloudless ;  and  during  the  greatest 
heat  we  were  so  sheltered  under  the  grand  old  trees,  and  our 
enchanted  arcade,  as  not  to  be  oppressed  ;  while  the  river  flowed 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  4Go 

below,  its  waters  now  smooth  and  deep,  now  leaping  and  rustling 
over  shoals,  and  now  whirling  in  eddies  around  the  trunks  of 
fallen  trees !  its  pure  white  sands  looking  like  granulated  snows 
— till  the  very  sight  was  refreshing ! 

At  last,  three  beech-cannon,  our  signal  guns,  were  fired  and 
burst ;  when  the  procession  was  formed  on  the  cliff  and  in  the 
very  centre  of  Guzzleton — in  posse  ;  and  this — the  procession, 
not  the  posse — consisted  not  only  of  men-bodies,  but  of  women- 
bodies  also ;  since  true  woodsmen  wish  their  ladies  to  share  in 
all  that  is  pleasant  and  patriotic.  Then  headed  by  a  drum  and 
fife,  aided  by  the  triangle  already  celebrated,  and  with  as  many 
flags  flying  as  were  pocket-handkerchiefs  to  spread  out  and  wave 
on  poles,  we  took  up  the  line  of  march ;  we,  the  leading  citizens, 
who  were  to  read  and  speak ;  and  then  the  common  and  uncom- 
mon citizens;  and  then  certain  independent  ladies:  and  then 
young  ladies  with  escorts ;  and  then  the  boys ;  and  then  finally 
the  rabble.  After  showing  ourselves  in  the  woods  and  bushes 
along  the  future  streets  of  Great  Guzzleton,  and  passing  the 
store,  and  the  tannery,  and  the  two  cabins,  we  descended  the 
cliff  and  marched  to  the  speakers'  scaffold  to  the  tune  of  Yankee 
Doodle — or  something  tolerably  like  it;  although  to-day  the 
drum  beat  the  other  instruments  hollow! 

The  literary  feast  ended,  we  again  formed  the  procession,  and 
marched  to  the  head  of  the  arcade,  while  the  music  very  judici- 
ously played  "Love  and  Sausages."  There  halted,  our  lines 
were  separated,  and  duly  marshaled,  each  proceeded  along  its 
own  side  of  the  table ;  when  at  a  signal  we  halted  again,  and 
now  opposite  one  another,  to  perform  "  the  set  up."  And  this 
delicate  manoeuvre  was  very  handsomely  executed  by  all  that 
wore  trowsers ;  but  the  wearers  of  frocks  and  petticoats  showed 
want  of  drill,  making  an  undue  exhibit  of  white  thread  stockings 
and  yarn  garters.  In  some  places,  however,  active  and  skittish 
maids  stepped  first  on  to  the  seat,  and  then  with  an  adroit  move- 
ment of  one  hand,  as  in  going  to  milk  a  cow,  held  affairs  in  a 
very  becoming  tuck  till  the  blushing  damsels  were  safe  between 
the  table  and  the  seat. 

We  may  not  recount  our  jokes,  and  raillery,  and  tilting  of 


464  THE      X  E  W    P  U  R  C  H  A  S  E  . 

tables,  and  sinking  of  scats,  and  spilling  of  gravy,  and  upsetting 
of  water ;  only  all  such  were  on  the  same  large  scale  that  best 
sorted  with  the  inartistical  and  undisciplined  world  around ! 
Tit  for  tat,  and  even  butter  for/a£,  was  largely  done  that  day — 
and  in  a  way  to  demolish  nice  bodies.  But  never  was  more 
good  humour !  never  heartier  fellowship !  No  drunkenness, 
however,  and  no  profanity  !  No  breaking  of  wine  glasses — no 
singing  of  nasty  songs — no  smoking  of  cigars — no  genteel  and 
polished  doings  at  all.  We  were  then  too  far  west  for  re- 
finements ! 

"  No  reflections — Mr.  Carlton.  But  what  did  all  that  cost  and 
what  did  you  pay  for  a  ticket  ?" 

Cost ! — pay  for  a  ticket !  why  don't  you  know  1  And  yet  how 
should  anybody  brought  up  where  they  sell  a  penneth  of  salad ! 
and  pay  a  fippenny-bit  to  walk  in  a  garden  and  buy  tickets  to 
hear  sermons,  and  eat  temperance  dinners! — and  everything 
costs  something,  whether  to  eat,  or  drink,  or  smell,  or  touch,  or 
look  at!  everything,  every  thing  except  preaching  and  teaching! 
Cost  I  why  nothing  in  the  sense  you  mean.  All  was  a  contribu- 
tion— a  gift — everybody  did  it — and  everybody  ate  and  drank 
that  was  invited,  and  everybody  that  was  not  invited ! 

"  But  it  was  a  great  labour !" 

To  be  sure  it  was.  But  what  to  a  woodsman  is  labour  with 
the  rifle  and  the  axe?  A  single  shot  killed  each  victim  for  the 
hickoryism ;  and  a  few  flourishes  of  the  axe  felled  trees  and 
saplings  for  fuel,  seats,  tables,  and  arcades. 

"  What's  the  use  of  a  Barbecue  any  how  ?" 

Well,  its  uses  to  Guzzleton  may  be  mentioned  in  some  other 
work.  But  we  answer  now  by  asking  : — Has  not  a  man,  who 
ranges  in  a  wide  forest  untrammelled  by  artificial  forms,  an  in- 
vincible love  of  freedom? — Will  not  he  who  feasts  like  Homer's 
heroes  despise  the  meannesses  of  a  huckster's  life? — Can  he  be 
content  to  live  on  alms  of  broken  meat  and  filthy  crumbs  ? — Is 
there  much  hope  of  subduing  men  whose  pastimes  are  to  the 
effeminate,  labours ! 

And,  dear  reader,  out  there  the  noble  Declaration  of  Inde- 
pendence itself,  when  properly  read  and  commented  on,  as  to- 


THE      NEW      PU  11  CHASE.  465 

day  by  John  Glenville,  has  an  effect  on  backwoodsmen,  such  as 
is  rarely  felt  now  in  here !  Oh !  could  you  have  seen  Doniore, 
and  Ned  Stanley,  and  ole  man  Ashmore,  and  Tom  Robinson, 
rise  at  one  or  two  places  and  clench  their  rifles  convulsively — 
and  with  tearful  eyes  and  quivering  lips  stand  intently  gazing 
on  the  face  of  that  reader ! — oh  !  could  you  have  heard  the  en- 
thusiastic cries,  at  the  close,  that  came  warm  bursting  from  the 
very  hearts  of  our  congregation,  men,  women  and  children — 
then  would  you  have  deemed  perilous  the  attempt  to  put,  by 
force,  a  yoke  on  such  necks  !  Vain  the  belief  that  our  native 
woodsmen  can  be  tamed!  Numbers  may,  perchance,  have  de- 
stroyed their  forest  bulwarks — but  in  the  doing,  woodsmen  and 
their  foes  would  all  have  fallen  down  slain  together ! 

I  only  add  that  notwithstanding  the  continuous  feasting  of 
many  hundreds  for  four  or  five  hours,  large  quantities — nay, 
heaps  of  provisions,  were  left ;  and  that  these  in  the  spirit  of 
native  western  hospitality,  were  divided  among  the  poorer  of  the 
guests,  who  carried  away  with  them  food  enough  for  a  week. 

The  day  passed  without  any  important  accident  or  lasting 
anger.  It  was,  indeed,  very  like  the  colour  and  thrill  of  visions 
in  my  dreaming  age !  I  have  pic- nicked  in  pretty  places,  and 
with  amiable  and  excellent  people — I  have  heard  sweet  music 
and  merry  laughter  in  the  graceful  and  dwarfish  groves  of  the 
east — but  the  thrill  came  not  there !  My  poor,  foolish  fancy 
wanders  then  far  away  off  to  that  wild  plateau  of  the  Silver 
River,  and  sighs  for  the  sylvan  life  of  that  rude  Barbecue  ! 


CHAPTER    LXI. 

CONCLUDING    SIX   MONTHS. 
"He  that  is  surety  for  a  stranger,  shall  smart" 

HA  !  1  see  the  light  of  a  Clearing !  a  little  further,  and 

we  are  through  this  Romance  of  the  Forest ! 

Beautiful  the  fresh  green  of  our  opening  spring !     Glorious 


466  THE      NEW      PURCHASE. 

the  wild  flowers  and  blossoms,  exhaling  their  odours  to  the  air  ! 
Grand  as  ever  the  dark,  solemn,  boundless  forest!  Full  of 
awe,  yon  swollen  water !  bearing  through  the  desert  wood,  on 
its  raging"  bosom,  an  hundred  branching  trees,  and,  here  and 
there,  the  shattered  fragments  of  a  rude  cabin  ! 

Hark ! — ah !  it  is  the  piteous  cooing  of  our  wood  doves  • 
And  hark  ! — there  ! — yes,  scamper  away,  you  little  gray  gaffer, 
and  peep  from  the  dense  foliage  of  that  lofty  sugar-top  !  1 
knew  it  was  you  squealing  your  cunning  song.  Fear  not ! 
shady-tail — my  rifle  is  at  home — I  have  no  heart  to  shoot  you 
now  !  There  !  cracks  the  brush  ! — I  see  you — leap  not  away  ! 
bounding,  timid  deer  !  Stay  and  graze  on  the  early  buds  and 
tender  twigs  of  yon  thicket — I  am  no  more  your  foe  ! 

Yes  !  there  is  a  clearing  ahead  !  A  short  moment  more  and 
I  leave  you,  oh  !  deep  and  dark  ravine,  where  I  have  been  so 
often  buried  in  solitude  ! — and  you,  oh  !  beetling  cliff,  with 
dizzy  brow,  frowning  over  the  secret  waters  so  many  hundred 
feet  below  !  And  am  I  so  soon  to  leave  you  all — and,  for  ever  1 
Ah!  if  I  revisit  the  Purchase,  you,  enchanting  trees,  will  be 
prostrate! — you,  merry  squirrel,  and  timid  deer,  will  have 
fled ! — you,  solemn  ravine,  will  be  desecrated  with  wide  and 
beaten  roads  !  Alas  !  the  secret  waters  will  lie  open  then  to 
the  public  gaze  ! — the  tall  cliff  be  stripped  of  its  grove  ! — and 
the  solitary  cabin  there  of  Ned  Stanley,  be  supplanted  by  the 
odious,  pretending,  and  smirking  house  of  brick  and  mortar  ! — 
alas  ! — 

"Mr.  Carlton!— Mr.  Carl  ton  !  !— MB.  CARLTON  ! ! !" 

Sir  !— Sir  ! ! 

"  We  shall  never  get  out  of  the  woods  at  this  rate." 

O  !  thank  you,  dear  reader !  I  forgot  myself — I  was  away  in 
the  spirit  amid  the  apparitions  of  innocent  joys  long  dead. 

We  must  say  a  word  however,  of  what  happened  some  weeks 
ago  to  the  firm  of  Glenville  and  Carlton  :  and  which  dissolved 
our  partnership,  and  sent  Glenville  to  the  Farther  West,  and 
Carlton alas !  whither  1 

My  partner,  in  early  days,  had  "put  his  name  to  paper;"  a 
security,  as  he  supposed,  but  making  himself  liable  as  a  partner. 


THE      NEW      PURCHASE.  4'57 

Notes  were  given  to  pay  for  produce :  and  this  was  loaded  and 
floated  to  Orleans,  and  there  sold  at  a  fair  profit.  But,  by  a 
singular  negligence,  the  gentleman  entrusted  with  the  boats,  and 
pork,  corn,  lard,  tallow,  and  hoop-poles,  never  came  back  with 
the  money  !  And  hence  the  merchants  failing,  the  holders  of 
their  notes  got  nothing  for  their  paper !  For  many  long  years, 
this  paper  lay  quiet  and  slumbering — till  a  lawyer  suddenly 
appeared  in  the  woods — and  the  repose  of  the  notes  was  broken. 
And  so  was  that  of  Glenville  !  The  holders  were  now  taught 
for  "  a  consideration,"  how  to  come  upon  the  security — especially 
as  he,  after  a  long  and  doubtful  struggle,  had  got  above  the 
waves,  and  was  swimming  in  comparative  comfort. 

The  security  was,  therefore,  advised  very  unexpectedly  of  his 
insecurity  :  and,  in  the  next  moment,  stripped  of  all  his  hard 
earned  possessions,  he  was  soused  naked  into  that  very  figura- 
tive and  deeply  poetical  'sea — a  Sea  of  Troubles  !  Now,  folks 
intimately  connected  with  others,  rarely  take  that  metaphorical 
plunge,  without  ducking  their  associates  :  hence,  down  went 
Mr.  Carlton  into  the  deep  waters,  from  which  emerging  for  a 
sniff  of  air,  he  saw  most  of  his  external  good  things  swept  away 
by  the  torrent ! 

Mr.  Carlton's  work,  therefore,  for  the  six  months  under  con- 
sideration, was  that  most  vexatious  and  profitless  kind  of  twist- 
ing called  winding-tip. 


Reader  !  here  falls  the  curtain !  And  we  stand  before  it,  not 
to  announce  a  new  Drama — but  our  Farewell : — We  bid  you 
adieu  in  the  next  and — last  chapter. 


468  THE      NEW     PURCHASE. 


CHAPTER    LXII. 

"Nay  then  farewell! 

I  have  touch 'd  the  highest  point  of  all  ray  greatness : 
And  from  that  full  meridian  of  my  glory 
I  haste  now  to  my  setting:  I  shall  fall 
Like  a  bright  exhalation  in  the  evening, 
And  no  man  see  me  more." 

ABOUT  the  middle  of  October,  a  small  Christian  chapel  was, 
one  night,  filled  to  overflowing;  and  deeply  impressive  was  the 
sadness  and  solemn  hush  of  the  congregation  !  They  were 
listening  to  the  farewell  address  of  Charles  Clarence !  while  the 
voice  of  the  wind  moaning  in  the  dying  woods  around,  came 
upon  our  hearing  in  fitful  gusts  like  passionate  gushings  of 
lamentation  for  the  fading  away  of  their  glories  !  Our  injured 
and  persecuted  friend  concluded  thus  : — 


(gjtroct. 

" But  I  must  cease,  and  that  with  no  expectation 

that  I  shall  ever  more  preach  to  you ;  or  you  ever  again  listen 
to  me.  This  is  sufficiently  solemn  and  mournful ;  yet  other 
things  exist  here  to  deepen  now  my  sorrows.  For  some  years 
this  has  been  my  home — nay,  why  conceal  it?  I  had  once 
cherished  the  hope  it  was  to  be  my  home  for  years  to  come  ! 
It  was  in  my  heart  to  live  and  die  with  you  !  I  came  to  be  a 
Western  Man — but  God  forbade  it.  I  have  shared  your  pros- 
perity and  adversity  ;  and  in  your  hopes  and  fears,  your  joys 
and  griefs.  We  have  interchanged  visits  of  mutual  good-will ; 
we  have  worshipped  in  the  same  temples ;  we  have  solaced  each 
other  in  afflictions  !  We  have  met  at  the  same  house  of  feast- 
ing,— alas !  oftener  at  the  same  house  of  mourning  !  Yes ! — my 
children  lie  together,  in  their  little  graves,  amidst  the  graves  of 


• 
THE      NEW     PURCHASE.  469 

your  children — that  moaning  wind  is  stirring  now  the  leaves 
over  them  ! — dust  of  mine  is  mingling  with  yours  I  *  *  * 
Can  these  and  other  ties  be  so  unexpectedly  sundered  without 
pain  ? — without  emotion  1  But  the  hour  is  come — we  part ! 
Come,  fellow  citizens  and  Christian  friends,  let  us  mutually  for- 
give one  another.  If  I  have  aught  against  the  misled  I  have  for- 
given it ;  if  any  have  aught  against  me,  I  pray  such  forgive  me ! 
Kindly  do  I  thank  many  for  past  kindness,  and  more  especially 
for  the  healing  of  their  balm-like  sympathy:  and  now  let  us 
say,  not  in  indifference,  much  less  in  anger,  but  in  manly,  hearty 
good-will — Farewell !" 


hi  the  morning  his  house  was  tenantless — Clarence  had  gone 
very  early  away  with  his  family — and  Woodville  with  its  plea- 
sures and  pains  was  to  him  as  all  other  dreams  of  this  life — past! 


Soon  after,  the  fragments  of  my  shattered  fortunes  being 
collected,  we  too  were  ready  to  bid  adieu  to  our  home — home ! 
did  I  say  1  Yes ;  had  we  not  graves  there  ?  Alas !  we  had 
them  elsewhere  too  ! — 


It  was  a  rainy  morning;  but,  notwithstanding,  our  little 
wagon  and  horses  were  at  the  door.  All  had  been  arranged 
and  prepared  for  this  morning,  and  all  farewells,  as  we  thought, 
had  been  spoken ;  and  why  should  rain  delay  those  that  had 
endured  so  many  storms?  Emily  Glenville  was  to  go  and 
share  our  fortunes — but  Aunt  Kitty — poor  Aunt  Kitty  was  to 
stay ;  for  we  were  wandering  forth  we  knew  not  whither,  and 
she  in  her  old  age  must  remain  till  we  found  a  resting-place. 
Home  we  expected  to  find  no  more — nor  have  we  ever — and 
we  had  then  the  desolate  hearts  of  pilgrims — as  now  and  often 
since ! 

Farewell ! — dearest  Aunt  Kitty  ! — ah !  break  not  our  hearts 
by  that  convulsive  sobbing ! — Farewell !  *  *  *  *  — and 


470  THE     NEW      PURCHASE. 

then  we  were  all  in  our  wagon — but  just  as  we  moved,  a  well- 
known,  a  rough,  yet  softened  voice  in  a  tone  of  melancholy 
reproach,  sounded  at  our  side: 

"  Bust  my  rifle  !  Mr.  Carl  tin,  you  ain't  a  puttin  off  without 
biddin  me  and  Domore  good-bye  !  f 

"  My  honest  old  friends  !  no,  never ! — but  I  could  not  find 
you  yesterday  when  we  went  round  bidding  all  the  citizens 
good-bye " 

"  Well,  we  was  out  arter  deer,  for,  says  I  to  Domore,  Do- 
more,  says  I,  let's  git  a  leg  or  two  for  Mrs.  Carltin  afore  they 
goes — and  we've  fetch'd  'em  along  in  this  here  bag — if  you  kin 
find  room  for  'em  in  this  here  waggin." 

"  Thank  you,  my  kind  friends,  with  all  our  very  hearts ! — I 
do  wish  we  could  make  you  some  return — we  should  be  so  glad 
to  be  remembered  when  we  are  away " 

"  Bust  my  rifle — if  I  ever  forgit  you — and  Domore  wont 
nither " 

No,  indeed,  Mr.  Carltin — and  if  you  chance  to  come  our  way 
like,  Domore's  cabin  will  be  open  as  in  old  times " 

"Yes! — Mr.  Carltin — and  me  and  Domore  and  you'll  have 
some  more  shots  with  the  rifle — good-bye,  Mr.  Carltin — God 
bless  you — good-bye  !" 

"  Good-bye,  my  friends ! — I  have  no  home  now — but  cabin 
or  brick  house,  wherever  you  find  us — I  say  to  you  and  all 
other  frank-hearted  honest  woodsmen,  as  the  old  General  sajd 
to  you — '.you  will  never  find  the- string  pulled  in  ! ' ' 

Here  I  started  my  horses ;  and  then  the  last  we  ever  heard 
of  Woodville  was  something  very  like — "  Poor  Carltin  ! — God 
bless  him — poor  feller !— he's  most  powerful  sorry — and  don't 
like  to  go  back  to  the  big-bugs !"  And  then  through  the  uproar 
of  the  increasing  storm  came  the  voice  of  thd  two  hunters  united 
in  a  loud,  cordial,  solemn,  last  Farewell ! 

****** 

Many  years  after  this,  on  the  pinnacle  of  the  Great  Cove 
Mountain  of  the  Alleghanies,  and  leaning  against  a  tree,  stood 
a  solitary  traveller,  who,  after  contemplating  for  some  minutes 
the  setting  sun,  thus  broke  forth  into  a  soliloquy  : 


THE     NEW     PURCHASE.  471 

"Yes!  O  Sun  !  thou  art  unchanged  ! — melting  away  to  rest 
amid  the  same  gorgeous  clouds,  piled  on  those  distant  moun- 
tains !  I  remember  thee  rising  in  the  brilliancy  of  that  Spring 
morning!  Here  Clarence  stood  and  looked  towards  the  Elysium 
of  that  Far  West — and  she  was  in  his  thoughts !  There  is  the 
rock  where  Brown,  and  Wilmar,  and  Smith  rested  a  moment ! 
—  Sad  remembrances  ! — bitter  emotions  !  O  !  Sun  !  as 
glorious  thou  as  ^ver !  those  sumptuous  curtains  of  woven 
cloud  around  thy  pavilion  as  matchless! — /am  changed — alas! 
how  changed  !• 

"  Far  West ! — that  name  has  power  to  heave  the  bosom 
with  sighs — but  it  can  call  up  no  more  for  ever  the  illusions 
of  the  dreamy  days !  I  know  what  is  in  thee,  land  of  the  set- 
ting Sun ! 

"A  world  of  shadows  is  coming  over  yon  vallies — darker 
ones  are  on  my  soul !  That  Spring  Morning !  The  comrades 
of  that  day — where  1  The  scenes  ! — the  sufferings  ! — the  dis- 
appointments ! — in  that  far  away  forest  land  !  Graves  of  my 
dead ! — why  need  I  care  to  weep,  where  there  are  none  to 
mock.  ****** 

"  World  of  Spirits ! — around  and  near  me  !  No  dreams — 
no  shadows  there !  Sun,  farewell ! — thy  last  rays  are  falling 
across  those  graves  in  that  leaf-covered  resting  place !.  But 
they  shall  see  thee  fall,  to  rise  and  set  no  more  !  Home  ! — I 
have  none  now — but  there  is  a  home ! 

"  Awake  !  from  this  dreamy  life !  True,  perfect,  uninter- 
rupted happiness  is  neither  in -the  far  East,  nor  in  the  far  West 
— it  is  in  God,  in  Christ,  in  Heaven  !" 

Reader!  dear  reader!  the  lesson  in  that  soliloquy  is  for  thee! 
Ponder  it ;  live  according  to  it ;  and  thou  wilt  not  have  read 
this  work  in  vain  ! 


THE      END. 


14  DAY  USE 

RETURN  TO  DESK  FROM  WHICH  BORROWED 
LOAN  DEPT. 

This  book  is  due  on  the  last  date  stamped  below,  or 

on  the  date  to  which  renewed. 
Renewed  books  are  subject  to  immediate  recall. 


i/>!VAn\j'58iyin 

lyiViuj  »jwm 

RECTO  UD 

MAY  7   1953 


^pa 


NDV  l  3  1987 


LD  21A-50m-8,'57 
(C8481slO)476B 


General  Library 

University  of  California 

Berkeley 


YB 


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